One of the reasons that courtship is nearly extinct is because women have made it way too easy for men. There are several ways that women make themselves too available to men and, ultimately, help promote men’s lack of effort in dating and courting women.
Unfortunately, it’s going to take a collective effort from women to get the change we want from men as a whole. One woman alone, can’t inspire the change we want in men as a whole.
There’s several different things we can do as women to start getting men to put effort into dating and courting us. The underlying concept in each point is that women have to be less available to men in the early stages of dating.
For this post, we will just discuss one point, answering every phone call you get from a man.
Answering Every Phone Call
For some reason, we seem to feel that if our phone rings and we see the call, we MUST pick up the phone. Well, this is the exact opposite of what should happen when you first start dating someone.
You should never be so available to a man you just started dating that you answer every single phone call he makes regardless of whether you are busy or just sitting on the couch.
Compulsion to Answer Your Phone
I know we naturally feel some sort of compulsion to answer a man’s phone call as if we would never hear from him again if we didn’t answer, but that’s actually not the case.
What happens when you call a guy you’re dating and he doesn’t pick up the phone and call you back right away? Do you not think about him constantly until he finally calls you back? Do you not wonder what he is doing? Do you not stress about whether he saw your call and ignored it or if he is legitimately busy?
Well, the same questions run across a man’s mind when you don’t pick up his phone call and call him back right away.
It’s good to let a man think about you and wonder what you’re doing. He may actually think about you more if you don’t pick up his call than if you answer his call, talk to him for 15 minutes, and don’t speak for another day or so.
Develop An Attachment
I personally think that forcing a man to think about you, by not answering his every phone call, helps him slowly develop an attachment to you.
Don’t you find that the men you think about the most are the same men you desire the most and feel the strongest about? Interesting huh!
The more you think about someone or something, the more you get attached to it (or the idea of it). Therefore, by forcing a man to think about you more than he normally would, you are essentially forcing him to start developing an attachment to you.
Force Him to Think About You
From my experience, I can truthfully say that I thought about a man a whole lot more when he didn’t answer my call, even if he was someone I knew I didn’t want to pursue dating.
When guys didn’t pick up some of my friends phone calls, they would say stuff like, “Wow, I can’t believe this fool didn’t pick up my call and I was willing to spend my Saturday with him as lame as he is!”
So, my point is, whether you are even interested in a man or not, when he doesn’t answer your call you WILL think about him. So, make the guy you’re dating think about you; whether he wants to or not!
Disclaimer: When I say don’t answer every phone call, I do not mean don’t return his call at all. You definitely need to return his call, just wait a few hours. But, never wait more than 24 hours to return a phone call.
Look Like You Have a Life
It’s also a good thing to miss a phone call here and there so you don’t come off as having no kind of life whatsoever.
The truth is, men want a woman that other people want. They want a woman that people like, that people want to hang out with, that people desire. If no one wants to talk to you or see you, why would a man?
What kind of men do you tend to want the most? Is it the guy that you think is a couch potato who seems to have no friends and no life or is it the guy that seems to have an exciting life and friends that love him and can’t get enough of his time?
Well, this is my point. A man wants a woman that looks like she’s enjoying her life. He doesn’t want a woman that he thinks he will have to create a life for or include her in everything he does.
Perception is Reality
Whether your life is exciting, fulfilled, or boring, PERCEPTION IS REALITY. How a man perceives you is what he will believe you are, whether his perception is accurate or not.
And a man’s perception of you will guide his decision to date you, put effort into getting to know you, pursue something serious with you, or just make you a “late night creep” option.
So, you definitely want a man to THINK that you have a life and friends, even if you don’t.
Obviously, after a while of dating, a man will learn who you really are, but hopefully by that point he likes you or has fallen for you so that the fact that you have no friends and are just a couch potato won’t be a deal breaker for him.
You Want More?
Stay tuned this upcoming week as I bring you more tips on how women can bring courtship back!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,