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There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.
Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.
Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!
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Playing Wife Is A Temporary Comfort
While “playing house” and “playing wife” may make you feel happier about your relationship because you exhibit that close, committed relationship held by a husband and wife, you don’t have the comfort and security that a marriage provides.
While you’re doing so much for your boyfriend to the point that you resemble the role his wife would take on, you’ll be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly a man can leave the relationship without batting an eye.
And, after the relationship ends, will you not sit there thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done all that for him!” Or, “I cant believe he left me after everything I’ve done and given up for him!”
While these are legitimate questions, the real questions you need to ask yourself are, “Why did I treat this man like my husband?” “Why did I do so much for a man that wasn’t married to me?”
Instead of being the devoted wife in your next relationship, just be the girlfriend. And, know that this route will get you a ring quicker than if you act like there’s already a ring on your finger.
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The Benefits of Marriage Don’t Apply to Relationships
The root of some of your problems in dating may be the fact that you are going above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend.
The truth is, if a man wants ALL of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it.
While many men will propose to women who treated them like husbands from day one, it will take you a lot longer to get a ring out of a man if you’re giving him all the benefits of a marriage without any of the accompanying obligations and commitments.
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Why Marry The Woman When You Can Get The Wife For Free?
Do you remember that old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Well, it’s true! This applies to dating and not just sex. What will inspire or encourage a man to marry you if he already has all the perks of marriage without any of it’s other obligations or “hassles?”
If a man wants more than plain old boyfriend treatment, he’s going to have to earn it and he needs to ask you to be his wife!
Think about it though, how are you going to feel if you treat your beau like he’s your husband and he breaks up with you or leaves you for another woman? Will you not regret doing too much for him?
Don’t get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should! At the end of the day, the only person who ever regrets doing this is the woman, not the man!
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What Is Treating Your Boyfriend Like A Husband?
Well, there are many things that women do that reflects the role of a wife.
But, to give you an idea, it can include anything from playing house and regularly cleaning his place or doing his laundry to passing up great opportunities for the relationship.
The most significant aspect I’ve noticed women catering to men as husbands would be in their careers. For example, you could get a great job offer in another state, but choose to pass up on the opportunity to stay with your boyfriend.
I’ve seen too many women pass up on great career or business opportunities for men that had no intention of marrying them, let alone being together long-term.
As women, we can’t make decisions based on our boyfriend being in our lives and, if we do, it can really hold us back.
When it’s all said and done, no woman looks back and says, “You know, I’m glad I passed up that opportunity for him!” So, if you’re not married, you need to make decisions with only your own best interest at heart.
If a man is going to make a career or business decision, he does it, and without thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my girlfriend will be okay with this.” No, men do what they know is best for themselves and it’s time that women did the same!
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Until You’re Engaged, His Opinion Doesn’t Matter
If he’s not your husband, your opinion is the only one that matters.
I say this because 2-3 years down the line when you’re not with him, you too will think his opinion doesn’t matter. If he’s not going to be a part of your life permanently, then why would you make decisions based on him? Especially decisions that will have a lasting effect on your life.
If your boyfriend wants you to consider him when you’re making big decisions about your life, he needs to show you that he will always be a part of that life. And, he does this by asking you to marry him!
Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally. Don’t force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he doesn’t want to play husband, you definitely shouldn’t play wife!
For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dee's Dating Diary 
Great advice!
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Thanks! I hope this post inspires some change for women. Thanks for reading!
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I can say it helped me better understand this kind of stuff because i am an example of one, im a kind loving person and felt like if i gave my all he would see the good traits and see im a good women. He did ask me to marry him but he wanted me to act a certian way because he said how are going to get married if i dont see what you offer first , pretty much … I told him i can not do wifey things and im not married to you thats not how it works or else theres no reason for you to want to marry me because you have everything and theres no need the… Even he got laxed and stop treating me the way he did when i first met him which is one of the reasons why i called the wedding off and left him..
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Thanks for checking out my article! I know it’s never easy ending a relationship and walking away, but you always have to do what’s best for you.
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This is so true . Thanks.
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Men, you too, stop treating your girlfriends like your wife
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Great point John! Thanks for checking out my post!
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Actually John treating your significant other like your “wife” usually not the same as women treat their men as “husband”. Most men treat their girlfriends like a “wife” and not in a good way..nice try though 🙂
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Fabulous article. I really wish I’ve read this sooner.
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Thank you, Connie! Better late than never though!
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Best advice. I hope every woman reads this. So much lost potential when they give up great opportunities, career or otherwise, for their boyfriends. They would not make the same decision for you, not because they’re not interested, but because they are smart.
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You make a great point about men not forsaking career opportunities because they are smart as opposed to not being interested in you. Thanks for checking out my article and sharing your thoughts!
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Thank you! this article gave me some comfort in know I am not the selfish crazy one who still wants my own life. I have been dating a guy for 4 years and I can not believe how much of myself I have given up for him because right now I am wanting to leave him. He expects me to cook for him, clean and spend all my time with him. this article opened my eyes and made me feel so much better thank yoU!!!!
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Wow, thank you so much for opening up about your relationship. You definitely aren’t being selfish or crazy and after four years of dating with no engagement, it’s completely reasonable that you’re considering leaving him. Before you pack your bags though, have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel. If he wants to keep you in his life, he will do what it takes to make that happen. If not, well, you’re free to leave and give yourself the opportunity to meet the right person for you.
Thanks for reading my article and taking the time to share your story. I truly wish you the best!
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Very true. Very good advice. Might I humbly add that one of the things women need to stop doing for boyfriends is having babies! There are many “girlfriends” who think it is okay to have a man’s baby. This really represents the ultimate in what falls into “wife” (not ‘wifey’ or ‘boo’) territory. It will not exalt you from girlfriend to wife status. It will only earn you entrance into the “baby mama” club. Just food for thought. Keep up the great posts!
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You make a very great point!! Having babies for a man that isn’t your husband is certainly wife territory and, unfortunately, won’t take you from girlfriend to wife status. Thanks for giving such great input! I appreciate you taking the time to comment Enie!!
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Such a great read with valid points. I’m so glad I haven’t been playing house wife. I haven’t missed out on anything lol.
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You sure haven’t! Thanks for commenting Geminic!
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So, how should one stop?
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By remembering that a man only earns and deserves your wifely treatment by actually marrying you. You should never forget your worth!
Thanks for taking the time to read my post and comment!
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Firstly would love to thank you for your article it is great! I agree with everything you wrote and also the comment about joining the “baby mama” club. I am proud to be a wife and not a baby mama. Also I love that it is from this year and it is still a fresh topic I wish more people spoke of these topics.
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Thank you so much! I’m glad you liked my article!! 🙂
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I agree with certain aspects of the blog. However, I’ve never had a conversation with a male or female where anyone directed the other to play house. The underlying problem is that most people are voluntarily playing house. So, when you introduce that behavior without demand, you can’t expect your mate to not receive it with open arms. Its not an issue of “him needing to make you his wife.” Its more naivety in regards to that person not understanding the aspects of a relationship. Do your research and get smart on dating vs marriage. Lastly, understand what you want and how you wanted to be treated before you get into a relationship.
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You’re definitely right that women voluntarily play house. And, women do need to understand the difference between a relationship and marriage so they can reserve the perks of marriage for the man that actually makes that commitment to them.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post and comment!!
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Your words are a BLESSING!!!!!!
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Thanks Cherie, you’re too kind!!!
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Pingback: Are You Treating Your Boyfriend Like a Husband?
To be honest, I do treat my bf like a husband. We’ve been living in together for over 3years, he’s treating me like his wife too, I appreciate it – but still, I feel something is missing – it’s not complete. It makes me feel sad sometimes when I think of “why he cannot put a ring on it after all these years? Perhaps he is never going to propose” though I saw some signs of him including me in his future life. He is 45 years old (never been married) and I am 28 waiting for him to initiate the next step up in our relationship. For now, we both cannot see ourselves living without each other. We love love each other. I am willing to wait…
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Thanks for opening up about your relationship. It’s great that you both cannot see yourselves living without one another. Now may be a good time to have an open conversation about where you see the relationship going. You definitely don’t want to wait for a ring for the next 5 years just to find out your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married.
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You may be right. But do we really want to be wives? I’m not sure I’m that down with the strategising required to get to the position of ‘married’. Or that once married, we should start doing laundry etc. But yeah, if you’re cleaning his house all the time and he leaves you, that’s annoying.
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A woman definitely doesn’t have to do a man’s laundry just because she is married to him, but doing your boyfriend’s laundry is definitely too much. Thanks for checking out my post and commenting!
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Pingback: Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband! | chinnyphyll's thoughts
Good article, but I would also add that any kind of sexual activity as well as living together are also husbandly perks. I know these may represent extremes for some people, but I just see these things as behaviors husbands and wives engage in. Thanks for the article!
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Great point, Megan! Living together is definitely a “husbandly” perk. Thanks for checking out my article and adding to the conversation!!
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An interesting and some what discouraging article. It is a good point that you should have your priorities together and if he can’t get with the program out the door. However with my scenario, we’ve been together 3yrs. Great chemistry, my kids love him. When I had nothing he was there and vice versa. We talk about getting married all the time, but funds always became the issue. We don’t want a big wedding but no court house either… Sorry to be so wordy but are you suggesting I stop supporting him physically emotionally spiritually and other aspects even though it’s a 2 way street and I get the exact same or not more in return?? Thanks for the article.
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Of course you should emotionally and spiritually support your boyfriend! However, financially supporting him isn’t a good idea. Although you have talked about marriage, until you get engaged you should continue to make decisions that are in the best interest of you and your children’s future.
Thanks for taking the time to read my article and share your perspective!
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I absolutely love this article! These days so many woman put their boyfriend before EVERYTHING else. Hard to find chivalry and gentlemen these days.
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It can be hard to find chivalrous gentlemen, but they do still exist! Thanks for checking out my article and sharing your thoughts!
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You couldnt have said it better.Just today i have been faced with this challenge,playing wife to someone am not even sure will end up together.This read wooow so true.The other day i read a quote that said GIRLS LETS STOP PRAISING BOYFRIENDS and i could agre more.Thank you for the above quiet an eye opener.
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Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed this article!
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Pingback: What are the rules to dating? – pushedoutofmymind
Awesome post! Very much needed.
My boyfriend once told me that he wasn’t my husband and so he wouldn’t do this or that. I was taken aback because I did treat him like he was one and feel like I was a wife. We knew we would get married or perhaps he lied to me that he knew that because he clearly differentiated between boyfriend and husband whereas I just saw him as a partner which smudged the lines. He broke up with me recently and that says a lot. I agree with this. He made sure he “put me in my place” by not treating me like his wife but I never held back anything and although I don’t believe in keeping regrets, I do take these as lessons that I will remember…
Thank you for this! ☺
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Wow, thank you so much for opening up and sharing your story! It’s unfortunate that some men expect to be treated like husbands in a relationship while they themselves aren’t even willing to reciprocate. The sad truth is, we all have to learn the hard way that playing wife won’t help us earn that title in a man’s life.
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Exactly! Reminds me of Beyonce’s song all the single ladies 😀 We cannot undo the past but it’s a really good lesson 🙂
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It sure is!! I’m glad you enjoyed this post!!
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Dear Dee! Thank you for the eye-opening article. I need your advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, during which we lived together on and off, he does want to marry (he didn’t specifically asked me to), vaguely talks about future together, but nothing particular. Recently we decided to live separately for good, it was more my decision (as I didn’t feel respected enough and I didn’t want him to ‘settle’), but he is also a Christian who’s trying to do the right thing.
Now, my question is : did I, by living with him for few months, ruin the chances of him proposing to me? I gently said, that if after 2 years together we (I meant more him) will not decide to marry we should split, but I don’t want him to propose out of pressure either.
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You did not ruin your chances of him proposing by living together for a few months. I think it’s good to share your expectations with your partner if you’re not doing it to apply pressure. It doesn’t sound like you were trying to pressure a ring out of him, so you’re good.
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Dear Dee! Thank you for the eye-opening article. I need your advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, during which we lived together on and off, he does want to marry, talking about future together, but nothing particular. Recently we decided to live separately for good, it was more my decision (as I didn’t feel respected enough and I didn’t want him to settle into just living together with no marriage), but he is also a Christian who’s trying to do the right thing.
Now, my question is. Did I, by living with him for few months, ruin the chances of him proposing? I gently said, that if after 2 years together we (I meant more him) decide to marry we should split, but I don’t want him to propose out of pressure either.
Thank you for in advance for your reply.
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Thanks.needed this. been doing all the wife duties for my boyfriend since we got engaged,its now 3years engaged and we had already dated for 3. now he is too comfortable and no longer talks about marriage. i do support him but from a distance and no longer cleans or cooks.time to get my life back.thanks
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As hard as it may be to pull yourself back from doing all those extra things for him, you’re doing the right thing. If you’ve been engaged for 3 years, but haven’t set a date, it’s definitely time to have an open, honest conversation with your boyfriend.
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thank you for the article….my boyfriend says that he’s not my husband and that he is so young that i should view him as a boy not a man,he says we are in relationship not a marriage, then i’m wondering if this is right after all i compromise a lot for him,,,my time, financial wise,etc
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You should take your boyfriend’s words to heart. Save the financial assistance for your future husband and you definitely won’t regret it.
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How do I correct this now that I realize I have been forcing a greater commitment? He doesn’t ask me to do any of these things, but I do and he wouldn’t be sad if I stopped cleaning his apartment and buying groceries. I see where he’s stressed and u try to help though he’s proud and would go without before he asked for help. I’ve already realized I need to back off and give him space, but now I realize I’m setting up some really bad habits with all of the other things I’m doing for him. We’ve been dating for a year and a few days ago was his second time ever asking me for a favor. Of course I was happy bc I want to be needed and feel useful. He now recently asked for help with his daughter for the first time ever, but I’m not comfortable taking on that role since we are not married. He’s comfortable with the live-in lifestyle, but I am trying to slow down now that I recognize my error. We do not live together,but I basically live there on the weekends. He actually does the cooking though. ☺ it’s mostly cleaning and buying groceries and sex. Do I give a speech or do I just start by saying I don’t think I can pick your daughter up from school for you and scale back everything else too? Please advise.
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You don’t need to give a speech about scaling back, but if you can tell that he is uncomfortable with it or resentful at all, you’ll definitely want to speak openly and honestly about how you feel. There’s nothing wrong with picking his daughter up from school as a favor, but if he’s asking you to take this on permanently then this is something you should definitely talk about.
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This was so helpful to read. I am in the same pickle I have been in for well over 6 years now. Living with me but he is still just as married today as the day we met. I started doubting my role in his life pretty quickly and though he says he loves me I’m more certain than he loves all I continually do for him. Lives with me and last year I made some decisions he was not happy about but I’ve gained the thought process that if I want it I’m going to do it. Did I know he’d be mad? Yes did I do it anyway? Yes. Now as I prepare myself for yet another hurdle-he’s flying 9 hours away for a week and a half to spend with his daughter for her bday had it planned since Oct and last week my daughter mentioned he was staying with her. So I asked only to have loads of diversion from him and get I didn’t think it mattered…really staying at your wives house didn’t sound like something to share? Well if I stay in a hotel I won’t have as much money to spend on her…. yea. Needless to say I booked a cruise simply because I can- her husband is not my husband should he give a dam he can discuss it all with his wife .
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I think the question you should ask yourself is, are you mad that he his staying with his daughter (at his wife’s house) or are you mad that he is still married to his wife after 6 years? If he doesn’t have the money for a hotel, an extensive division of assets may not be what is holding up the divorce. I think you need to have an open, honest, non-confrontational conversation about how you feel and how he feels.
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LOVE THIS!!! When I met my boyfriend we both knew that we wanted to be married again, however he is always mentioning reasons why we can or cannot move on to the “next step” or “move forward”. I am so sick of hearing this. I tell them it’s like he’s dangling a carrot in front of me, but that it’s a carrot I may not want!!! I tell him that even if he asked me I may not say yes. I am not desperate. I am very successful and self-sufficient. I want someone to share my life with, someone whose side I can be by and who can be by my side. . I don’t need help with making decisions, but I would definitely include my HUSBAND in decision-making. Yetmy boyfiend expects me to include him in decisions that I make in my household. That’s ridiculous to me! Sent this article to him. Either he will get it, or he won’t. That’s up to him. But there’s only so much I can take before I run the other way!!!
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At the end of the day, you have to trust your gut and if your gut is telling you that this man may not be the one for you, listen to it.
You want AND deserve a man who is afraid of losing you not afraid of committing to you.
Thanks for checking out my post and I wish you the best in life and love!
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