Help! My Boyfriend Slept With Someone Else While We Were Broken Up!

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Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

It’s been 2 weeks since I got back together with my boyfriend and he came back after the break up even more of a sweetheart, but there is one catch…He admitted to me that he slept with someone else in his words “I was just trying to get you out of my head.” 
 
I totally understand that we weren’t together when it happened so, duh, it wasn’t cheating, but I am struggling with dealing with him being with someone else in-between, that I’m not the only one he’s been with this year/this age he’s at, the fact that he’s got a higher sex number, etc. Our reunion has been bittersweet…On one hand he’s a better man and is willing to give me everything I’ve ever wanted, and on another he slept with someone in such a gross way it’s a huge turn off for me. 
 
I’m having so much trouble coming to terms with this one fact. Am I wrong for letting something that happened when we were broken up affect my happiness? I’m interested in your thoughts.
 
Dear Dater,
 
It’s completely understandable that you aren’t comfortable with the fact that your boyfriend slept with another woman while you were broken up. However, you shouldn’t let something that happened while you were broken up affect your happiness. 
 
At this point,  you’ve already gotten back together with your ex so if you want to make the relationship work you’re going to have to move past this. But you also need to be honest with yourself, if this is something you’re never going to be able to let go of, then it’s best that you and your boyfriend go your separate ways.
 
If you’re sure that you want to make this relationship work then you need to know that you won’t get over this situation overnight. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to lessen and eventually eliminate the negative feelings you’re currently having:

1. Get Tested Together

First, I suggest that you and your boyfriend go get tested together. Even if your boyfriend used protection during sex, condoms are not 100% effective against STDs! I think that getting a clean bill of health for both of you will help put your mind at ease and really allow you to start moving on from this.

2. Forgive Him

If you’re going to stay in this relationship, you have to forgive your boyfriend. You can’t continue to dwell on this, hold this over his head, or harbor these feelings or it will have a negative impact on your relationship in the long run.
 
Since you were broken up when he slept with someone else he really didn’t violate your relationship. However, if your boyfriend broke up with you for the sole purpose of sleeping with someone else, that would be a totally different story, but I don’t believe that is the case here. 

3. Have An Honest Conversation 

You need to have a conversation with your boyfriend where you let him know that you were bothered by him sleeping with someone else while broken up, but that you fully forgive him and want to move forward.
 
You also want to let your boyfriend know that you won’t hold this over his head or bring it up in future arguments so that he’ll know he won’t have to pay for this the entire relationship.

4. Don’t Focus On His “Number”

Unfortunately, you most likely won’t have the same number of sex partners as the men you date. This is just the reality so you have to move past wanting to have the same number as your boyfriends. The most important thing is that your future boyfriends practice safe sex and get tested regularly so they never put your health at risk!

 

I hope this advice helps you and I wish you all the best in your love life!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone 

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

11 thoughts on “Help! My Boyfriend Slept With Someone Else While We Were Broken Up!”

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  3. What would be your advice if the boyfriend did not receive a clean bill of health? I was recently in this situation, and it turns out my boyfriend contracted an (incurable) STD from a one night stand while we were broken up. It feels like it would be impossible to forgive or to put myself at risk by continuing to be with him.

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    • Great question!

      Unfortunately, that’s a question only you can answer for yourself. If you want to give your boyfriend (or ex) another chance, that means you’ll have to wholeheartedly forgive him and move past it. However, if your boyfriend got an STD from his encounter with another woman, it will be a constant reminder of what happened while you were “on a break” or broken up.

      In situations like these, I find that most women will continue to harbor negative feelings towards their boyfriend for his actions and usually end up continuing to punish the boyfriend for it throughout the relationship. This adds undue stress, tension, and resentment to a relationship, making it more difficult to have a healthy, loving relationship.

      If you think that you’ll be able to fully forgive your boyfriend and not throw the situation in his face when you’re reminded of it, then you may be able to salvage the relationship. But if you’re not sure that you can completely forgive your boyfriend, trust him, and let go of all the negative feelings, emotions, and sentiments you harbored then it’s best that you just cut ties and move on.

      Thanks for checking out my post and I truly wish you all the best!

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  4. I’m in the exact same situation, am doing all this things but the other woman works with him, he is a cook and so is she and sometimes they have to be in the kitchen together, this really bothers me knowing they will still talk to each other and he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by completely ignoring her. He said he took care of it, and is fully committed to our relationship now. It was only a short while ago and our break was very ahort, a few weeks.

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    • It’s never an easy situation, but if you truly want to make a relationship work with this guy there has to be trust! If you can’t trust your boyfriend, it will come out in various ways and he’ll recognize that. Not being trusted by your partner is not a good feeling to have. Also, you cannot continue to punish and mistrust your boyfriend indefinitely because of what happened.

      Now is the time to be real with yourself and ask, “Can I truly trust this man again?” If the answer is no, then you need to move on because you’re only going to drive yourself and your boyfriend crazy in the end. If you do believe that you can establish genuine trust again then it’s worth giving the relationship another shot, if you feel that strongly for him.

      Thank you so much for reading my post and sharing what you’re going through. I wish you all the best in life and love!

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  5. I’ve got the same situation with your post regarding this topic — Help! My Boyfriend Slept With Someone Else While We Were Broken Up!

    My boyfriend admitted to me that he did one night stand twice in different girls and different day while we were on a break. Then a few days later we reconciled, he told me that he repented and felt guilty afterwards. He realized what he have loss after breaking up with me. I accepted him and forgive him, but I’m naturally a over thinker, I can’t help but to think what happened, what they have done during that night, is he enjoyed talking and being with that girl. I’m thinking what guys thoughts after they done one night stand. he told be that its only a lust/ sex and its not a big deal for him, no communication after that incident.

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    • I’m also scared that it may happen again. He’s a photographer, we can’t avoid that he may interact on a one on one photo shoot with a model.

      How will i move on to this for us to start over again?

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      • Trust is one of the most important foundations in any relationship. Without it, the relationship will surely have tremendous problems. You have to determine whether you have deep-seeded trust issues that make you mistrust every man or whether there’s something your current partner does within the relationship to create this mistrust. If the latter, you need to have an honest conversation with your partner about this. If you’re going to punish your partner, and consequently yourself, for the entire relationship with your mistrust, it’s best to move on, work on yourself, and find someone who is a better fit for you!

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