Love doesn’t hurt

No relationship is perfect and every relationship needs work, but real love does not equal pain and suffering.

The Pink Elephant Room

I’ve been single and dating for about 35 years. I cannot begin to count the number of hours I’ve spent first revisiting each thrilling moment with whomever was my newest love interest and then, soon enough, miserably dissecting the meaning behind his every word and action looking for a clue about how he felt  and where our relationship was going.  

For me, the first flush of “love” was so heady, a giggle in my tummy, a big, old endorphin rush, brain-soaking-in-chemicals, walking-on-air high. I would be obsessed and infatuated and fully charged. The feeling was deliciously addictive and it was easy to want to fall in “love” with that mysterious, smouldering stranger or smiling sweetie who made me feel soooooo good.   Image

But here’s the trouble with highs and addictions – they have a dark side. The high doesn’t last forever. Eventually I’d crash. I’d hurt. I’d be confused, needy, exposed…

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Love

This post gives hope for women who are wondering if their ex ever looked back and regretted his behavior or actions. This kind of honesty is refreshing!!

The diary of a modern man

Here I am, on a nice sunday, with a beer in my hand , thinking about how my life totally went the opposite way I had imagined it would be.

It’s quite funny, because I was watching “How I met your mother”, it was the time travel episode, and at the end, Ted Mosby pulls the legendary speech to his wife ( the mother ) which was very very touching ( implying indirectly that the mother is dead in the future ).

I got so touched by it, that it made my whole mood down and then I started thinking about my love life and how having no one is the main reason of my sorrow currently.

Love is a wonderful thing.  I can assure you that. We were made for this. When you are young, all what you think about is sex. When you start growing up, you still…

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You Don’t Deserve a Good Man…Yet!!

Angry Woman

 A lot of women put off working on themselves because they feel like “Well, if I’m not in a relationship, what’s the point?” “Who am I working on myself for?”

Well the answer to that question is YOU!

Are You a Good Woman?

Every woman wants a good man, but let’s face it: A good man deserves a good woman, period!

Get yourself together now so that when you’re ready to take that big step, a good man will be ready to take it with you!

Self-Defeating Behavior

We have to stop saying things like, “Well, it’s obvious this guy doesn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with me so why should I change myself??” Or “I’m not looking for anything serious, I just want to date and have fun!”

Well, when you’re done having all that fun, those habits you’ve developed and ingrained into your way of life may be the same habits that keep you from finding and keeping a good man.

If your not interested in fixing your faults or bad habits because you’re not in a relationship or whatever the excuse, here is your reality check:

You still need to work on yourself because bad habits are hard to break and if you don’t start at least trying and practicing now, there’s not much of a chance that you’ll change years down the line!

Practice, Practice, Practice!

Ladies, we all know that it’s hardest to play it cool or follow “the rules” when you are REALLY into a man or have already categorized him as “the one.”

So, you really need to practice not doing those bad habits that get you labeled as “the stalker,”or the “crazy girl” or whatever your kryptonite is. Once you’ve been practicing for awhile, it won’t be as hard to stop yourself from doing those things you know you shouldn’t do.

There’s no need to fall apart and moan about everything you think you are not. Instead, focus on becoming the person that you yourself would want to date.

While some women are aware of the flaws and bad habits that hinder them in the dating world, many women are not. Either way, we all need to continuously work on ourselves for the better. 

What is Working on Yourself?

When I say “work on ourselves,” I mean we need to do some serious introspective evaluations to determine what our bad habits or flaws are and better understand those characteristics that are holding us back in dating, love and life in general.

Perhaps, you’re extremely needy and clingy, or overly distant. Or, your first dates with men are more like interviews or interrogations more so than actual dates.

Do your insecurities or lack of self-esteem lead to you chasing men away with your jealousy or constant need for reassurance and attention?

Maybe you consciously or unconsciously let men know that you are ready to settle down and have kids like yesterday! Regardless of whether a man is actively looking for marriage, kids, and the whole shebang, you can scare him off by putting marriage and kids on the table on the first few dates. This reeks desperation!

Whatever your flaws may be, you yourself need to know what they are! That’s the only way you’ll be able to work on changing them or learn how to downplay them so they don’t negatively affect your life.

Not Everything Can Be Changed

Now, I realize that not every character flaw or bad habit can necessarily be changed, but it can be downplayed! And, for the habits that can be changed, why not change them?

Regardless of whether you’re casually dating, dating the wrong man, or not dating at all, you have to work on yourself!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

 

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Focusing on the Process not the Dating Outcomes

It really is time to start slowing down the dating process and enjoying the ride instead of making it a long term examination that a man has to pass.

Suzie the Single Dating Diva

Focusing on the Process NOT the Dating Outcomes

I don’t know about you, but often times I get caught up in the looking at the finish line that I don’t even notice anything else that’s going on around me.  I’m like that a lot in everything I do, I just want to get to my goal as fast as I can.  I’ve also noticed that in my personal life as well.  I sometimes am so focused on the finish line, getting where I want to be that forget to stop and smell the roses and just “be” where I’m at.  I’m not the only one.  Most people are like that.

It took me a while to realize that.  It was one of the main reasons that I married the wrong person way back when.  I was so focused on being “the bride” and fitting into the “box” that I turned a blind eye to many red flags.  The…

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