Today, there are so many people in the “friends with benefits” situation. While many women will say that they have needs too and are okay with having a friend with benefits, the truth is, women usually feel differently after a few weeks or months. Many women go into these situations thinking they can keep their emotions in check and never want more than what they’re getting, but down the line women always want more.
When Does “Friends With Benefits” Stop Working?
If the friends with benefits thing is going well, you’ll start to think, “Hey, we get along and enjoy each other’s company, why don’t we just date each other?” And that’s when things go sour. If you bring up the idea of being more than just hook-up buddies you’ll usually find that the man isn’t interested in being more than what you are now.
Or, maybe your relationship was benefits with no friendship at all and then your guy starts spending time with you outside of the bedroom and you start thinking, “Maybe he’s interested in being more since he’s actually spending quality time with me and not just coming over to have sex.” Well, that’s usually not the case. Just because you start spending more time together doesn’t mean that a man has developed feelings for you and wants to get serious.
Why You Can’t Turn A Hook-Up Buddy Into A Boyfriend
When you become hook-up buddies, your buddy gets to have his cake and eat it too so when you approach him about being more, there’s no way that he is going to want to limit himself to just you. And why would he after he’s been able to have you with no strings attached while still having the option of talking to and sleeping with any other woman he wants.
The reality is, after you have been sleeping with someone for a while, you will start to develop feelings for the person as hard as you try not to. Very few women can actually maintain a casual relationship without eventually wanting to seek more. There are also men who can’t have casual sex without eventually wanting more, but that’s not most men because they tend to be better at separating sex and feelings.
Why You Become “Friends With Benefits”
Most of the time, women do not end up in friends with benefits situations because that is what they are seeking out. Instead, they usually meet a man who lets them know he isn’t interested in a relationship or marriage and the woman goes along with it because deep down inside she feels like she has to take what she can get and she hopes that she can eventually turn the casual sex into a real relationship.
Here’s the thing, you can’t turn sex into a relationship. Yes, you’ve heard of some women that were able to turn their hook-up buddy into a husband, but that’s the exception to the rule not the rule. And we can’t all be the exception, so you have to stop thinking that you can change men and what they say they want.
If you’re not sure whether you’re really okay with being friends with benefits, here are 15 signs you’re not okay being friends with benefits:
- You feel bad, sad, frustrated, annoyed, or anything at all about the fact the he comes over, has sex with you, and leaves right after.
- You don’t like that he doesn’t sleep over.
- You don’t like that he only contacts you late at night or at the last-minute.
- You don’t like that he only contacts you when he wants to come over.
- You don’t like that he doesn’t take you out or do things with you outside of the house.
- You don’t like when he refers to you as a friend.
- You wonder whether he’s sleeping with other women.
- You don’t want him to sleep with other women.
- You don’t like that he hides you from his family and friends.
- You don’t like that he won’t meet your girlfriends.
- You don’t like that he isn’t affectionate with you.
- You don’t like that he flirts with other women around you.
- You lie to yourself or your friends and act like you’re in a relationship.
- You stop putting yourself out there to meet other eligible men you could potentially have a relationship with.
- You wonder if you can turn your hook-up buddy into a boyfriend.
If you think you might want to be more than just friends with benefits, you can’t start the relationship off that way. Take your time and get to know the guys you meet and stop trying to convince yourself that all you want is a casual relationship simply because that’s all you’re being offered at the moment.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dee's Dating Diary 