Help! How Do I Turn Down A Second Date Without Getting Insulted?

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I went on one date with a guy I met online, but I just wasn’t feeling him. He not only looked older than he said he was in his online profile, but he also talked about himself for the ENTIRE date. It really bothered me that he wasn’t asking me questions about myself or trying to get to know me at all.

A couple of days after our first date he texted me asking to go out again. This was our conversation:

Him: Hey! Are you busy on Saturday? Let’s go out!

Me: I have to be honest I didn’t feel a connection on the date but maybe we can be friends?

Him: I’ve been dating four beautiful women from the dating site, but you seemed to be the most intelligent so I wanted to give it a try, but friends is perfect.

Him: I doubt you make connections with any men.

Me: lol ok. I know I’m beautiful too but thanks for the intelligence compliment. Why would you say I don’t make connections with any men?

Him: Because you’re dry and seem like a lesbian.

Me: No response.

(5 minutes later)

Him: You’re also not feminine enough for men to be attracted to you.

Me: No response.

(30 minutes later)

Him: And I didn’t say you weren’t beautiful. You said that so that’s your thoughts about yourself.

Me: No response.

(10 min later)

Him: I’m cool with being friends though.

Me: No response.

(Next Day)

Him: When do you want to get together again friend?

Me: No response.

I’m actually very feminine and I’ve never had a problem with men not being attracted to me. I get hit on by men all the time, the problem is the types of men that I meet. I know this guy was lashing out at me because he was angry that I didn’t want to see him again so how can I let guys down without getting bashed afterwards?

Dear Dater,

I want to start off by saying this guy is a huge jerk! You did nothing wrong in the way that you let this guy down and it’s a good thing that you stopped responding to his texts instead of letting the situation blow up into something bigger.

Ultimately, you were honest and he tried to make you feel bad about yourself and your ability to attract men simply because you didn’t want to continue dating him. How ridiculous!

In my opinion, you’re actually very lucky because you dodged a huge bullet here! This man sounds like he has a lot of emotional issues he needs to work out. When a person’s first instinct is to hurt you in a situation like this, it’s a red flag.

How To Stop The Bashing

Sadly, you’re not alone in this. There are many women who have had similar experiences where they let a guy know they aren’t interested in him and the guy hurls insults in return.

But to answer your question, in general, there’s nothing you can do to stop a man from bashing you after you end things. You really can’t control how a man will react or respond to you not wanting to go on another date.

What you can control, however, is how you feel. If you let these kind of men make you feel bad about yourself, they win. You need to let their words roll off of you because, at the end of the day, they really don’t know you anyway.

How To Break Up

When you no longer want to continue dating a person, the best thing to do is just be honest. If you weren’t feeling a connection or chemistry, it’s okay to say that. It’s also okay to say that you don’t think you are compatible.

When you break up with someone you’ve only been on a few dates with, it’s always best to keep it short and simple. Of course, the longer you date someone or once you’ve entered an exclusive relationship, the bigger your obligation is to give your boyfriend or girlfriend a full and complete explanation of why you want to break up.

But after just one or two dates, all you can really say is, “I’m sorry, you seem like a nice person, but I just don’t feel a connection.”

How Not To Break Up

What you don’t want to do when you break up with someone is be hurtful, spiteful, rude, antagonistic, have attitude, or unnecessarily point fingers. And it doesn’t look like you did any of this here.

Overall, I think you handled this situation well and your explanation for not wanting to go out on another date was short, appropriate, and to the point. 

The real problem here is that some men can’t handle rejection well. Unfortunately, you could have the best break up line, but for some of the men you date it won’t matter at all. Some men will try to hurt your feelings because they feel hurt by the fact that you’re not interested in them.

Insults or Constructive Feedback?

It’s also important for you to be able to distinguish between hurtful, venom-filled insults and constructive criticism or feedback. Constructive feedback is always good, but that is not what you got from this guy. He couldn’t take your rejection so he insulted you. Don’t let yourself feel bad for that. 

You should definitely continue being honest about why you don’t want to keep dating a man and if a man reacts by insulting you or trying to hurt your feelings, just take it as a reassuring sign that this was not the right man for you!

For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

20 Questions You Should Never Ask A Woman On A First Date

When you meet someone you’re attracted to, there’s usually a natural desire to know more about that person. The problem is, some people have a difficult time understanding the difference between appropriate and inappropriate first date questions.

On the other hand, we can’t ignore the fact that some people knowingly ask offensive questions and just don’t care about whether their date feels comfortable or not.

Make Your Date Feel Comfortable

In order to improve our dating experiences, we need to make sure that we aren’t unnecessarily offending the person we are attracted to. Our dates should feel comfortable and at ease, not on guard waiting for the next insulting question.

You actually decrease your chance of making a great connection with a date when you ask them judgmental questions or questions that force your date to talk about something they aren’t ready to discuss with you.

So, to help your initial encounters with women, I want to share some questions that you should never let leave your lips. The following are 20 real life questions that men have asked women on or before a first date:

1. Why are you single?

2. Are you paying for the date?

3. How old are you?

4. Can I come back to your place or do you want to come back to mine?

5. Is that your real hair?

6. You’re not one of those crazy girls are you?

7. How much do you weigh?

8. Do you have daddy issues?

9. How much do you cost?

10. Do you want to go a to fancy restaurant? (Then takes you to Wendy’s)

11. Can you do a split?

12. What are you mixed with?

13. Can I borrow $1,000? (Or any amount of money)

14. Do you like your feet licked?

15. Are your breasts real?

16. What’s your bra size?

17. What are you cooking me for dinner?

18. How much do you make?

19. Have you cheated on your past boyfriends?

20. Do you know how to use those lips?

Some of these questions clearly indicate that you’re only interested in a casual encounter, i.e. sex. But if you’re genuinely interested in a woman and want to get to know her better these are not the kinds of questions you should ask early on.

Offending a woman on a first date is a sure-fire way to never get a second one so think wisely before asking very personal questions that may make a woman feel uncomfortable around you.

Want additional insight into women’s minds? Check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Barnes & Noble | Amazon

Till Next Time,

Dee

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Help! He Got My Number Then Asked If I Could Have Kids!

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

After a few messages on an online dating website, I gave my number to this really good-looking man. He called me almost immediately and the conversation started off normal enough. However, barely ten minutes into our conversation he asks me, “can you have kids?”

I was so shocked I couldn’t even speak for a moment. After a few seconds I said, “Why would you ask me that??” He said that because he wants to have children he needs to make sure that the woman he dates can have kids.

I told him that it’s obvious from my young age that I can have kids, but that I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy from the question and would feel bad for the woman who has to answer “yes” and explain something very sensitive and personal to a perfect stranger. I said the question was inappropriate and something he shouldn’t ask a woman until he gets to know her well.

At this point, he got defensive and said I should only be offended if I couldn’t actually have kids, but since I can it shouldn’t be a big deal. He had completely turned me off and I was repulsed by him altogether. I eventually ended the conversation and I don’t plan on talking to him ever again. Am I wrong for writing him off?

Dear Dater,

Wow! What a horrible question to ask a woman during the first phone call. You shouldn’t have been subjected to this question so early on and this guy clearly lacks manners and common sense. Whether or not a woman can have kids is a very touchy subject and no woman should have to explain to a man she doesn’t know why she can’t have children.

Although this man says he wants kids and, therefore, needs to ensure he dates a woman who can have kids, this was the wrong way to go about it and he lost a good prospect because of his inappropriateness and lack of consideration of your feelings.

At the end of the day, you shouldn’t feel bad about not talking to this man ever again. Don’t worry I’ll explain why.

Do You Want A Man Who Listens To Your Concerns?

You see, you actually voiced your feelings and let this man know that you felt uncomfortable and offended by his question and instead of hearing you out to understand where you are coming from and apologize for his insensitive question, he tried to convince you that you shouldn’t be offended at all because you can have kids.

Here’s where this man’s thinking is flawed: A question isn’t offensive based on the response a person may give. Certain questions are just offensive on their own no matter what someone’s response may be. 

Since this guy wouldn’t hear you out or try to understand your perspective and instead wrote your feelings off, he’s not the man for you!

Every woman needs a companion who will not only hear her feelings and concerns, but who will also not try to convince her that she is wrong for feeling offended. You want to date a man who can recognize and acknowledge that he has done or said something inappropriate after you explain why something is wrong.

The man who thinks he can do or say no wrong is a dangerous man to date!

For more great dating advice and tips for being safe while dating, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Wine, Dine, & Book Sign – A Single’s Event

Flyer

Are you single and looking for love?

Join me on Saturday, July 1, 2017 at the Lily Roze Studio in downtown Memphis for a single’s night you won’t want to miss!

Come out to mix and mingle with other amazing single Memphians while you enjoy the music, wine, food, and ice breakers. 

You can also get a personalized, signed copy of my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Complimentary wine and finger foods will be provided! Space is limited so register for this FREE single’s event today: Eventbrite 

Can’t wait to meet some of you there!

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Need Dating Advice? Get A Free Consultation With Dee The Dating Coach!

Do you need dating or relationship advice?

The first 15 people to contact me using the contact form below will get a free dating or life coaching session with me. See for yourself how a one-on-one session can help improve your dating and everyday life!

Want great dating advice you can keep on hand? Get my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Help! We Had A Great First Date, But He Hasn’t Called Since

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I had a great first date with this guy, but almost a week has gone by and he hasn’t called or texted me. I thought we made a good connection and were into each other, but now I’m starting to feel like I was wrong.

What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted me in days? Does he not want to see me again? Did I do something wrong? I will admit our date was a Netflix and chill night and he tried to make a few moves on me, but I didn’t sleep with him and only kissed him at the end of the night. Should I reach out to him? Is he waiting to see if I want to continue talking? 

Dear Dater,

If you had a date with a man and he hasn’t called or texted you for more than 3 days after your date, he’s just not that interested in you. However, because this guy wanted to “Netflix and chill” and did make some passes at you, he may not have been looking for a potential relationship and was only interested in getting in your pants.

Since you rejected his advances and only kissed him at the end of the night, he may have decided to move on to an easier target.

Don’t feel bad about this. It’s really a great thing because now this guy won’t be in the way of the right man coming into your life. You don’t want to waste time dating the wrong men so don’t dwell on this situation or reach out to him to force a conversation that isn’t meant to take place.

Also you should avoid having a Netflix and chill date for at least the first 5-6 dates. You don’t want to subject yourself to men making aggressive passes at you or even worse, forcing themselves on you. It’s better to be safe and wait until you get to know a man better before you invite him into your home or go to his.

Furthermore, you’re more likely to move faster with a man when you’re in the comfort of a home as opposed to somewhere like a restaurant. So, hold off on the Netflix and chill and stick to public dates until you’ve gotten to know each other much better.

For more great dating advice and tips for being safe while dating, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Join Memphis Single Mingle For Fun, Laughter, And Love!

If you’re single and live in or near the Memphis, Tennessee area, you’re definitely going to want to join my Meetup.com group Memphis Single Mingle!

Single Mingle is the meetup to join if you’re open to new experiences and the possibility of finding love while having fun! This meetup is about getting out of the house, making new friends, and meeting the love of your life!

Single Mingle currently connects over 2,000 amazing single Memphians through fun, exciting, and unique events. From outdoor activities to happy hours, festivals, dancing lessons, escape rooms, comedy shows, workshops, dinners, fun fitness, and a variety of other activities, Single Minglers will do it all!

Join Single Mingle for fun, laughter, and love: Memphis Single Mingle

 

UPCOMING MEMPHIS SINGLE MINGLE MEETUPS

Saturday, April 30th: Capture The Flag at Mud Island Dog Park

Saturday, May 6th: Memphis Escape Room

Tuesday, May 9th: Free Comedy Show at the High Cotton Brewery

Saturday, May 20th: Salsa Dance Lesson at The Rumba Room 

Tuesday, May 30th: Vine to Wine: Cork & Pork – A Wine Tasting Series

Thursday, June 8th: Nutritious, But Delicious Cooking Class 

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net