In this short video, I’m sharing dating advice that EVERY woman needs to hear! Go ahead and click play!
Till Next Time,
Category Archives: Availability to Men
How To Meet New Men–4 Dating Advice Tips
In this short video, I provide 4 great dating advice tips on how to meet new men. If you’re having a hard time meeting new men to date or just can’t seem to locate quality men, then this video is definitely for you!
For more great tips on how to meet new men, get my book– Picking Up The Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
3 Ways To Take Control Of Your Dating Life
In this dating advice video, I discuss 3 ways that women can start taking control of their dating lives today!
For the full scoop, get my book– Picking Up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
6 Excuses Men Give For Disappearing While Dating
Have you ever been dating a man and suddenly he disappears into thin air and drops off of the face of the planet? Most of us have!
In this short video, I discuss 6 common unacceptable excuses men give for going MIA while dating.
If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my YouTube Channel– A Moment with Dee Simone — for full access to all of my dating advice videos.
Till Next Time,
10 Signs You’ll Never Be Your Boyfriend’s Wife
Wondering if your boyfriend will ever marry you?
In this video, I discuss 10 signs that show you that your boyfriend will never propose to you or marry you. If you like the video, please subscribe to my YouTube Channel– A Moment with Dee Simone.
Also, check out these must-read articles:
Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband
Red Flag: Does He Pull Disappearing Acts?
Till Next Time,
Top 5 Issues That Keep Women Single (Part 1 & 2)
If you’re single and wanting a great relationship, but are struggling to get it, you might just be keeping yourself single and not even know it!
I had the honor of returning to The Right to R.E.A.L. Love Radio Show with host Jay Mayo to discuss the top 5 issues that keep women single.
If you’re a woman, you’ve dealt with one or more of these issues at some point in your life! So turn off the TV, put down the phone, and listen in:
The Top 5 Issues That Keep Women Single (Part 1)
The Top 5 Issues That Keep Women Single (Part 2)
If you recognize that you’ve been affected by one or more of these issues and want to break free of them, let me help you through it– grab my book, Picking up the Pieces, or schedule a coaching session today!
Stay tuned for parts 3, 4, and 5!
Till Next Time,
Do You Have An Unreasonable Deal-Breaker?
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I exchanged phone numbers with someone through an online dating app and he immediately called me. The first thing he says to me is, “What are your deal-breakers?”
The question threw me off and I guess I was silent for a few seconds so he quickly says, “Well I asked because I have a big deal-breaker and if we don’t agree then dating each other isn’t going to work out.” I was kind of shocked because I’ve never had a man say anything like this to me before, but I was also really curious about what this deal breaker was so I asked him, “What’s your deal-breaker?”
He says, “Do you believe in evolution??”
I’m like, “Uhhh, I’m Christian so I believe God created people as opposed to us evolving from a species of animal.” Well, this set him clean off!
He says, “I received my master’s in evolutionary biology so I literally specifically studied this stuff and there is a lot of clear evidence and proof that we evolved from another species and if you don’t believe it then you’re just ignorant because the facts of evolution are out there and it’s true!”
I said, “I do believe in Darwinism and survival of the fittest, but I don’t believe we evolved from another species.” He then said I need to educate myself because science has proved this to be undoubtedly true.
At this point, I felt pretty offended and put off and got a little combative with him, I said, “Science had also been used in the past to prove the inferiority of black people and women so I’m not sold on anything just because it came from some random scientists. It was science that once said black people are better athletes because we have an extra muscle or something.”
My point was just that science has been used in the past to promote other agendas and I don’t just blindly believe everything that comes from scientists.
I could tell he definitely didn’t like what I said and he proceeded to question my education and asked me if I had even gone to college. I told him I also have a graduate degree, but not in evolutionary biology. Then I asked him, “So what job can you get with a masters in evolutionary biology other than a job teaching that very subject?” –I know I was being rude, but I was offended and couldn’t bite my tongue anymore…
He responded, “Right now, I tutor graduate students in the evolutionary biology program.”
I laughed really hard, in my head. LOL!
I was completely turned off by this guy and didn’t want to continue our back and forth jabs so I told him I had to get ready for bed and needed to go. He said, “Even though you don’t believe in evolution, I can tell you’re smart and I would like to talk again.”
I said, “Okay,” but got off the phone and never responded to him again.
Although he was willing to give me a chance even though I don’t believe in evolution, he really rubbed me the wrong way and I just didn’t want to talk to him ever again. Am I wrong? Should I have given him a chance?
Dear Dater,
Wow! That’s a new one. I thought I had heard it all, as far as deal-breakers, but I guess not!
It’s definitely strange that someone’s deal-breaker would be not believing in evolution, but, hey, plenty of people have plenty of unreasonable wants in a partner.
While I do acknowledge that some of us have beliefs that we need our partner to share, I don’t feel that believing in evolution needs to be one of those shared beliefs.
Here’s the kicker for this guy, just because a woman believes in evolution doesn’t mean that she’s a good person or will be a great girlfriend or wife one day. Believing in evolution definitely doesn’t speak to whether someone will treat you well, respect you, or even stay faithful to you.
So it’s pretty unreasonable for him to think that believing in evolution is going to make a woman right for him. And, unfortunately for him, this particular deal-breaker is going to cut him off from a lot of amazing women in this world!
Obviously, this guy connected with you on some level and may have felt that he was being unreasonable with the evolution thing, which is why he said he wanted to talk to you again anyway. However, it’s completely understandable if he has put such a bitter taste in your mouth that you never want to talk to him again.
In my personal opinion, he’s probably not the right person for you anyway because the man you’re meant to be with would never call you ignorant or insult your intelligence just because you don’t believe in evolution or his other beliefs.
It’s one thing to have different opinions and it’s another thing to insult and offend people simply because they don’t share your opinions or beliefs. Meaning, you should still be aware of how the men you date are talking to you. A man who is willing to put you down and insult you because he doesn’t like your perspective is not a man worth your time.
It’s okay to have different views, but it’s not okay to be rude to someone because they don’t believe what you believe.
At the end of the day, you always have to trust your gut instinct and if it’s telling you to run for the hills, then run for the hills!!
Thanks for sharing your experience and I wish you all the best in life and love!
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
P.S. Need more great dating advice? Buy my life-changing book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Did You Breakup With Your Boyfriend Because A “Spark” Was Missing?
Our past relationships have a big impact on who we choose to date in the future. Whether it leads us to dating better men or the same types of men we previously dated really just depends on whether we properly processed (mentally) our past relationships, learned the necessary lessons, and implement positive changes.
Unfortunately, most women don’t do this.
And while this perpetuates many different dating and relationship problems, today I want to focus on a more subtle problem that kills great relationships– thinking a “spark” is missing.
What Is The “Spark?”
The Merriam-Webster dictionary has several definitions for the word “spark.” However, the one that best fits relationships is this: “something that sets off a sudden force.” And still, this definition is pretty vague.
In the end though, it doesn’t really matter how any dictionary or person defines a spark because the spark is really what we individually believe it to be. One woman might believe that the spark is having butterflies in her stomach while another woman might feel that the spark is wanting to continue talking to someone for hours on end.
Ultimately, the spark is a highly subjective concept.
Every woman is looking for that spark when she’s dating a man. But how do you actually define a spark and is your definition of a spark hurting your relationships or leading you to dating terrible guys?
Are You Used To The Emotional Roller Coaster?
When women date men who treat them poorly and put them through a lot of ups and downs, which I call the emotional roller coaster, they consequently develop unhealthy attachments to these men and often confuse those feelings of extreme anxiety then satisfaction, during the ups and downs, as a strong spark and growing feelings of love.
They think those anxious feelings they have while waiting for Mr. Wrong to do right are really butterflies. But they’re not…
Then, when they meet a good man who is honest, genuine, and grounded, they think a spark is missing and, therefore, must be dating the wrong man.
Are You Really Missing A “Spark?”
But before you cut things off with your next boyfriend because you think there’s no spark in the relationship, ask yourself this–are we lacking a connection or is there just a lack of drama in the relationship?
It’s extremely important that you evaluate what you believe the spark is because some women easily confuse stability as a lack of a spark when they’ve wrongfully internalized drama as the norm.
So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re dating the right man because you feel that something is missing, think: am I missing a spark or am I missing the drama?
Be honest with yourself so you can openly embrace a great, stable relationship with a great man!
Till Next Time,
Dee
Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Photo Credit: Photo by Allan Filipe Santos Dias on Unsplash
Are Open Relationships Just About Sex?
The Urban Dictionary defines an open relationship as, “A relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can’t exactly promise that they won’t see other people too. Basically, to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people. Common during college for many post-high school relationships.”
Survey Results
In my last post, I conducted an informal survey to see if a large amount of people are open to open relationships. This is what I found:
Of the 9 people who participated in this survey, 7 people (77.78%) said they are open to open relationships and 2 people (22.22%) said they were not open to it. Although only a few people took the survey, I was definitely expecting the results to be the other way around. This tells me that more people are open to polyamorous relationships than I initially thought.
Are Open Relationships Just About Sex?
Having a personal preference for monogamous relationships, I had to get insight from other people to find out what really makes people open to open relationships. What was surprising for me to learn was that having an open relationship is not just about being able to have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want.
While some people, including women, do feel that it isn’t realistic to have one sexual partner for the rest of their life, some people’s preference for open relationships have nothing to do with sex.
So what other reasons do people have for seeking open relationships?
Why People Want Open Relationships
Some people like open relationships because it takes pressure off of the relationship while others feel it leaves them open to meeting a better match or satisfying emotional desires that aren’t being met within the relationship.
If you find yourself in a position where you feel like you’re in love with two people at the same time, an open relationship with both people would be the most ideal path forward (not necessarily for everyone involved though).
Some people also feel that exclusivity or monogamy has connotations of ownership and possession that they don’t want to subscribe to. These people feel that if they are in an open relationship and their partner chooses to come home to them every night, the decision to be together feels more meaningful since the option to be with other people is readily available.
There are also women who enter open relationships only because it’s what their boyfriend wants and they want to keep their boyfriend happy in order to keep the relationship going.
Is There Jealousy In Open Relationships?
Canvassing people’s opinions on open relationships has been very enlightening, but it ultimately left me with this question: how prevalent is jealousy in open relationships and can it be resolved without resorting back to a monogamous relationship?
Let me know your thoughts below and your reasons for preferring monogamous or polyamorous relationships.
Till Next Time,
Dee
P.S. Looking for results-driven dating advice? Check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Photo Credit: Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash
Why Consistency Is The Most Important Characteristic To Look For When Dating
When you’re dating, one of the most important things to look for in a man is consistency. Consistency is truly key!
What Is Consistency?
Consistency in dating basically means that a man’s behavior with you remains the same for as long as you date.
For example, if you’re dating a man and you see him every weekend for a month then you suddenly only see him randomly on weekdays, this is inconsistent behavior and, therefore, a red flag. If you talk on the phone everyday then only speak only a few times a week or only exchange texts here and there, this behavior is inconsistent and tells you that this man won’t be a long-term partner.
Consistency in dating also includes consistency between a man’s words (what he tells you) and his actions (what he is actually doing). For example, if a man says he is going to call you tomorrow and doesn’t, there’s no consistency between his words and actions.
If a man’s words aren’t consistent with his actions, this lets you know that his words are lies and can’t be relied on. Remember, men’s actions will always tell you how they truly feel about you! A man who is consistent is a man who can be trusted and relied upon. A man who is inconsistent or wishy-washy can’t be trusted and you’ll regularly have the feeling that you don’t know where you stand with this guy.
One day you’ll talk to him and hear all the things you want to hear and you’ll feel great, thinking he definitely wants you in his life. Then the next day (when you haven’t heard from him) you’ll feel like you’re right back to square one, wondering if he really does want to continue progressing towards a serious relationship.
The Negative Effect Of Dating Inconsistent Men
Dating inconsistent men can give you the false feeling that you are in love or quickly falling in love. You’ll develop strong feelings for these types of men, not because you are actually falling in love with the man, but simply because you are on an emotional roller coaster ride with them (Check out my post Are You In Love Or On An Emotional Roller Coaster).
When you are constantly having to wonder and worry about where you stand with a man or when he will see or speak to you next, it unconsciously makes you feel more attached to the person because you are stressing out about them. It’s not strong genuine feelings that you’re cultivating, it’s just a strong desire for continued attention, and validation or confirmation that dating each other is going somewhere.
In the moments that he’s texting you and whispering sweet-nothings in your ear, you feel amazing, beautiful, loved, and cherished. However, when days go by, in the absence of communication, you feel forgotten, deserted, undesired, insecure, and so much more.
Going from these extreme emotional highs to extreme emotional lows is what builds unhealthy attachments to these men and, consequently, we often mistake this artificial attachment as genuine feelings of love and adoration.
Is His Attention Fleeting?
I recently heard this saying “when a guy burns hot, he extinguishes fast,” and I definitely agree with it to a certain extent. Most of the time, when a man comes on really strong and tries to “lay it on thick,” it’s usually fleeting attention that doesn’t last because his aim is simply to quickly move you to the bedroom.
With this in mind, it’s always a great idea to take your time in getting to know a man and pace the dating so that you don’t get wrapped up in any guy’s facade and you give him enough time to let his true colors show.
If you’ve been dating a man whose communication seems to be dwindling, it’s probably not because he is suddenly busy all the time. When a man’s attention is fleeting, it’s because they’ve lost interest or they never really had interest in pursuing a serious relationship in the first place.
How Inconsistency Gets Manifested As Gut Instincts
I’m constantly talking about how important it is to trust your gut instinct. As much as it can be hard to trust ourselves, you should always listen to what your gut tells you.
Your gut instinct will actually kick in when a man is not consistent with you. If he tells you one thing, but his actions say something completely different, you’ll get that gut feeling that something isn’t right.
However, most women tend to write off their gut feelings that something isn’t right, just to learn much later down the line that they really should have paid more attention to it.
How To Weed Out Inconsistent Men When Dating
As a woman, it’s your job to determine whether a man is being truthful and honest in his feelings for you and you accomplish this by paying attention to his words, actions, and your own gut instincts. The days of letting men “sell you the dream“ are over!
You can no longer just listen to the sweet words that men tell you and think that it is the sole indicator of their true interest in you or love for you. You have to start dating consciously so that you can recognize when a man’s behavior is not consistent with what he tells you. This will allow you to make an informed decision when deciding whether to continue pursuing a relationship with a man you’re dating.
For more great dating advice, grab my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
This Is Why You’re Attracted To Bad Boys
When you come across that bad boy you feel attracted to, what is it that piques your interest in him? Do you know what’s at the root of your attraction?
Why You’re Attracted To Bad Boys
There’s no one size fits all answer to why you date bad boys, but there are a few common reasons that might apply to you. Perhaps you enjoy the thrill of the bad boy lifestyle or maybe you have a habit of dating emotionally unavailable men.
For some women, low self-esteem at the root of dating bad boys because the attention they receive from the bad boy makes them feel better about themselves.
You may even be attracted to bad boys because of your own misperception and misunderstanding about men’s behavior or personality. Several years ago, I read a really interesting article that said women are attracted to bad boys because their arrogance is mistaken for confidence.
Mistaking Arrogance For Confidence
Basically, you might perceive a bad boy as having a high level of confidence, which is a very strong attraction point when it comes to dating. Whether you’re a man or a woman, confidence is sexy, period.
No one wants to date an insecure person who constantly needs pacifying and reassurance. The reality is, a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence is definitely a turn off.
With bad boys being arrogant and cocky by nature, they display what seems to be great self-confidence when in actuality they’re just arrogant. What’s actually pulling you in is not the bad boy’s true confidence, it’s his boastful, cocky, and arrogant nature.
In this respect, your attraction to bad boys is purely based on mis-perceiving their arrogance for confidence.
Ready To Let Go Of The Bad Boy?
When you consider all of this, it makes perfect sense that you might want to date a bad boy. But, now that you know why you may have been attracted to bad boys, will you continue to date them?
Knowing the basis of your attraction to certain types of man is the starting point for change, but you first have to want the change yourself if you’re going to do anything differently.
So, are you ready to stop dating bad boys?
For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Photo by Annette Sousa on Unsplash
15 Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend
Today, it’s become harder and harder for some women to decipher their place in a man’s life. They aren’t sure how to define the relationship or don’t know if what they have is a relationship at all.
It’s not uncommon to see a woman give some guy months or even years of her attention just to learn down the line that he never wanted anything that was more than casual.
Communication Is Key
If you find yourself in an awkward space where you don’t know if you’re in a relationship or dating towards having a serious relationship, the best thing to do is to have an open, honest conversation with the person you’re dating to see if you’re on the same page as far as pursuing a relationship.
I think it’s important to note though, that some men will be very vague and obscure when having the “what are we” conversation. Some men don’t want to lose the great situationship they have with you, but also don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you either.
So, they will try to keep you in limbo for as long as possible so they can delay getting to the point of having to seriously commit to you or break things off.
Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend
If you’ve talked about your situationship, but feel like you didn’t get clarity or only feel more confused, consider the following signs to determine whether you might be your guy’s next serious girlfriend or just his late night creep:
1. He Never Spends More Than 3-4 Hours With You
2. He’s Always “Too Busy” To Make Real Plans With You
3. He Never Takes You Out In Public
4. He Only Hangs Out With You After 9pm
5. All You Do Is Netflix And Chill
6. He Says He Doesn’t Believe in Using Labels (until you see him calling someone else his fiancé a few years later)
7. He Doesn’t Let You Meet His Friends Or Family And Avoids Yours
8. He Pretends Like He’s Alone When Someone Calls Him And Asks What He’s Doing
9. He’s A Ghost When You’re On Your Period And Resurfaces When It’s Over
10. You Only Hear From Him Once or Twice A Week Or Only A Few Times A Month
11. He Rejected Your Facebook Friend Request
12. He Lies And Says He Doesn’t Have A Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat Account
13. He Won’t Commit To Any Future Plans With You (i.e. vacations, trips, weddings, events, etc.)
14. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For A Relationship
15. He Says He Likes The Situationship Just The Way It Is
If you discuss going out in public or becoming more than what you are now and your guy says he likes things just the way they are, he isn’t “ready” for a relationship, or doesn’t think you guys need to define what you are, you’re never going to be in a real relationship with this man and it’s best that you cut your losses and move on, if this isn’t what you want.
For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash
How Instant Gratification Is Keeping You From The Love Of Your Life
If you knew that you were going to meet the love of your life at age 45 or 50, how would this affect your dating life right now? Would you let yourself enter a relationship or get married to Mr. Right Now (also known as Mr. Wrong) because you’re tired of waiting for Mr. Right to come along?
Instant Gratification Vs. Long-Term Happiness
As women, we often have this flawed habit of seeking instant gratification over long-term happiness and viability in a relationship.
What I mean is– when we are dating Mr. Wrong and things start going badly or breaking up is an option that’s on the table, we start thinking about what we will lose or how we will be deprived of affection or companionship or something else if we decide to end things.
This is usually done in place of evaluating whether the man we’re dating is really right for us and contributes to having a positive, healthy, loving relationship.
And so, in fear of losing a companion, being alone, or dealing with the current dating world, we give ourselves instant gratification by staying with Mr. Wrong so we can still have a warm body next to us and not worry about finding a man who is any better.
Why Instant Gratification Is Alluring
Instant gratification is appealing because it immediately satisfies some desire that we have, whether it’s having someone to cuddle at night, being able to say you have a boyfriend, or continuing to reap the financial benefits of dating a wealthy man.
Instant gratification provides instant happiness, but it’s not true, internal happiness and, therefore, it’s not a lasting happiness.
Instant gratification can also be deceiving because those immediate good feelings that come with it can falsely make you feel as though you have made the right decision. But, time will prove otherwise.
The problem is, those happy, content feelings you get from this instant gratification of staying with Mr. Wrong doesn’t last. And eventually the negative feelings you previously harbored start to creep back up, the behavior you were unhappy with starts to rear its ugly head again, and you’re brought back to the very same spot you were before where you to had to contemplate whether the relationship was really worth continuing.
Unfortunately, for many women this is a vicious cycle that’s repeated constantly throughout our lives.
Focus On Your Long-Term Happiness
Instead of focusing on instant gratification, you need to focus on your long-term happiness when you’re evaluating a potential partner or considering whether you should stay with a boyfriend.
Remember, the path you go down if you stay with or marry Mr. Wrong can keep you from meeting Mr. Right. So, is Mr. Right Now worth missing out on the amazing love you could have with your Mr. Right? Probably not!
Keep this in mind the next time you decide to give your problematic boyfriend another chance.
For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
Dee
Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Help! He Got My Number Then Asked If I Could Have Kids!
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
After a few messages on an online dating website, I gave my number to this really good-looking man. He called me almost immediately and the conversation started off normal enough. However, barely ten minutes into our conversation he asks me, “can you have kids?”
I was so shocked I couldn’t even speak for a moment. After a few seconds I said, “Why would you ask me that??” He said that because he wants to have children he needs to make sure that the woman he dates can have kids.
I told him that it’s obvious from my young age that I can have kids, but that I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy from the question and would feel bad for the woman who has to answer “yes” and explain something very sensitive and personal to a perfect stranger. I said the question was inappropriate and something he shouldn’t ask a woman until he gets to know her well.
At this point, he got defensive and said I should only be offended if I couldn’t actually have kids, but since I can it shouldn’t be a big deal. He had completely turned me off and I was repulsed by him altogether. I eventually ended the conversation and I don’t plan on talking to him ever again. Am I wrong for writing him off?
Dear Dater,
Wow! What a horrible question to ask a woman during the first phone call. You shouldn’t have been subjected to this question so early on and this guy clearly lacks manners and common sense. Whether or not a woman can have kids is a very touchy subject and no woman should have to explain to a man she doesn’t know why she can’t have children.
Although this man says he wants kids and, therefore, needs to ensure he dates a woman who can have kids, this was the wrong way to go about it and he lost a good prospect because of his inappropriateness and lack of consideration of your feelings.
At the end of the day, you shouldn’t feel bad about not talking to this man ever again. Don’t worry I’ll explain why.
Do You Want A Man Who Listens To Your Concerns?
You see, you actually voiced your feelings and let this man know that you felt uncomfortable and offended by his question and instead of hearing you out to understand where you are coming from and apologize for his insensitive question, he tried to convince you that you shouldn’t be offended at all because you can have kids.
Here’s where this man’s thinking is flawed: A question isn’t offensive based on the response a person may give. Certain questions are just offensive on their own no matter what someone’s response may be.
Since this guy wouldn’t hear you out or try to understand your perspective and instead wrote your feelings off, he’s not the man for you!
Every woman needs a companion who will not only hear her feelings and concerns, but who will also not try to convince her that she is wrong for feeling offended. You want to date a man who can recognize and acknowledge that he has done or said something inappropriate after you explain why something is wrong.
The man who thinks he can do or say no wrong is a dangerous man to date!
For more great dating advice and tips for being safe while dating, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
Wine, Dine, & Book Sign – A Single’s Event
Are you single and looking for love?
Join me on Saturday, July 1, 2017 at the Lily Roze Studio in downtown Memphis for a single’s night you won’t want to miss!
Come out to mix and mingle with other amazing single Memphians while you enjoy the music, wine, food, and ice breakers.
You can also get a personalized, signed copy of my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Complimentary wine and finger foods will be provided! Space is limited so register for this FREE single’s event today: Eventbrite
Can’t wait to meet some of you there!
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
Help! Do I Need To Ask All My Dates If They’re Single?
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I met this great man and we immediately hit it off. We talked for almost an hour before exchanging numbers. During that conversation he mentioned that he had been divorced for years and didn’t want to get married again, but I was okay with that because I’m not sure that I really want to get married either. I just know I want a great life companion.
Cut to 2 days later. He calls me and we talk for a couple of minutes before he says, “Well, I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing while I was driving home from work… You know, since I can’t text and drive.”
This gave me a funny feeling because it felt like he was implying that he couldn’t talk once he got home, which then made me think that he had a girlfriend at home. So, I mustered up the courage and asked, “are you single??” My heart sank when he said, “No, but I’m not married so technically I am single.”
Then he said, “I wanted to be upfront and honest with you about that because you seem like a good person.” Disgusted, I ended the conversation saying thanks for being honest, but I have to go. Just when I think I’ve met a great man, he turns out to have a girlfriend! It’s very frustrating! So, my question to you Dee is:
Do I really have to ask every man I go out with whether he is single or not? I feel like this guy would have dated me until he got caught if I never asked…
Dear Dater,
I just want to start by saying I’m sorry that you felt you had a great connection with a man who turned out to be in a relationship. You definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up over this.
While he should have been honest about the fact that he had a girlfriend, as a single woman it’s not a bad idea to ask the men you go out with if they’re single or not. Although some men will still lie in order to cheat on their girlfriends, not asking may produce more situations like these.
Trust Your Gut Instincts
Now, if you’re a great judge of character and can easily spot inconsistencies that quickly let you know a man is dating another woman, you may not need to ask this question (and that does seem to be the case with you since you sniffed this guy out pretty quickly).
I think the most important thing to take away from this situation is that you should always trust your gut instincts. Here, your gut said something wasn’t right because a man should want to talk to you in his home, not rush you off the phone before he gets there.
This feeling of something being off is what you always want to pay attention to because ignoring it can easily lead to you getting your heart broken. So, while you may encounter some dishonesty on your quest to finding real love, don’t make it any easier for men to deceive you by avoiding questions you feel inclined to ask.
Was He REALLY A Great Man?
Also, you call this guy a “great man,” but how is he great? Just because you felt like you “clicked” with him doesn’t negate the fact that this is a deceptive person. For all you know, he was putting on an act from the moment you met him in order to win you over and cheat on his girlfriend.
Don’t make yourself feel worse about this situation by wrongly classifying this man as a great person you connected with.
All in all, you did the right thing. By paying attention to your gut, identifying a serious red flag, and addressing it immediately, you ultimately prevented yourself from falling head over heels for a cheating philanderer.
Always trust your gut instincts because they’ll never lead you in the wrong direction!
For more great dating advice, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
Help! We Had A Great First Date, But He Hasn’t Called Since
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I had a great first date with this guy, but almost a week has gone by and he hasn’t called or texted me. I thought we made a good connection and were into each other, but now I’m starting to feel like I was wrong.
What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted me in days? Does he not want to see me again? Did I do something wrong? I will admit our date was a Netflix and chill night and he tried to make a few moves on me, but I didn’t sleep with him and only kissed him at the end of the night. Should I reach out to him? Is he waiting to see if I want to continue talking?
Dear Dater,
If you had a date with a man and he hasn’t called or texted you for more than 3 days after your date, he’s just not that interested in you. However, because this guy wanted to “Netflix and chill” and did make some passes at you, he may not have been looking for a potential relationship and was only interested in getting in your pants.
Since you rejected his advances and only kissed him at the end of the night, he may have decided to move on to an easier target.
Don’t feel bad about this. It’s really a great thing because now this guy won’t be in the way of the right man coming into your life. You don’t want to waste time dating the wrong men so don’t dwell on this situation or reach out to him to force a conversation that isn’t meant to take place.
Also you should avoid having a Netflix and chill date for at least the first 5-6 dates. You don’t want to subject yourself to men making aggressive passes at you or even worse, forcing themselves on you. It’s better to be safe and wait until you get to know a man better before you invite him into your home or go to his.
Furthermore, you’re more likely to move faster with a man when you’re in the comfort of a home as opposed to somewhere like a restaurant. So, hold off on the Netflix and chill and stick to public dates until you’ve gotten to know each other much better.
For more great dating advice and tips for being safe while dating, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
20 Ways To Be Single And Happy
Last week, I wrote about how there is a stigma attached to be being single and I discussed some reasons why there shouldn’t be a negative connotation associated with the word single. If you missed the post, check it out here: How To Be Happy And Single During The Holidays.
This week I’m giving you 20 ways to be single and happy during the holidays and every other day of your life:
- Stop seeing being single as a bad thing and embrace your singlehood.
- Stop thinking that the “grass is greener,” you never know what really goes on in a relationship.
- Do activities and hobbies that make you happy (painting, dancing, exercising, writing, etc.).
- Explore new hobbies by yourself or with friends.
- Don’t let not having a “plus 1” keep you from going to events you’re excited about.
- Try to find other singles at weddings and other events where there are a lot of couples.
- Ask a friend to join you in doing a partner activity.
- Join some Meet Up groups in your area to do things you enjoy and meet like-minded people.
- Stop entertaining and giving time to men who quickly show you they aren’t right for you.
- Stop talking to any man who puts you downs or tries to make you feel bad about yourself (this will save you a lot of emotional stress and keep you from feeling unhappy about yourself).
- Do things you are good at to increase your confidence.
- Plan vacations or getaways with your single friends and treat yourself to spa days.
- Reflect on your past relationships to determine what things you need to work on for your next relationship, this will help empower you to recognize that you have control over many outcomes in your relationships.
- Plan dinner parties or brunches with your friends and tell them to leave their plus 1 at home.
- Schedule movie nights or a “girl’s night” every so often.
- Don’t be afraid to act happy that you are single and enjoying your life.
- Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel about being single.
- Spend time focusing on bettering your community (join an activist group, volunteer, etc.)
- Spend time focusing on climbing your career ladder (Success doesn’t mean being married with kids for everyone).
- Always maintain your appearance keep doing your hair, nails, and wearing your favorite accessories. Looking good will help you feel good and this will also help you attract men.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
How do you stay single and happy? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
*Dee’s Dating Diary is going on holiday and will be back Saturday, February 4, 2017. Don’t worry, you can still get great dating advice on a daily basis if you follow Dee’s Dating Diary on Twitter or Facebook. See you next year!
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Image Courtesy of Franky242 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
How To Be Single And Happy During The Holidays
As a single woman, you know that family gatherings and holiday parties will mean one thing: getting questioned about your single status. From questions like, “are you dating anyone,” to “why do you think you’re still single,” being single during the holidays can feel stressful. But, it doesn’t have to be!
While it’s easy to let family and friends get into our heads, you can’t let other people make you feel bad about being single.
Although the holidays is a common source of singlehood stress, one of the most stressful events for single women is usually weddings. Instead of being seated at a table with other singles, women are often seated at a table with couples and married people.
What’s worse is that the conversations at these tables are often centered around the couple’s lives, marriage, and having kids. These conversations alienate single wedding attendees and this coupled with questions about where your husband is can easily make a woman feel less than.
The Single Stigma
Unfortunately, the word “single” has a negative connotation that puts a stigma on husbandless women. People wrongly see you being single as a sign that something is wrong with you or that your problems keep you from holding on to a man for an extended period of time.
Many people wrongly think that if you’re single, it’s for a reason. When many of the people you know are married and having their second or third child, it’s easy for people to speculate on why you haven’t achieved this for yourself.
The truth is, being single is actually a great thing! You shouldn’t see your single status as a negative thing because being in the wrong relationship is what’s bad. Dealing with unnecessary drama and heartache just so you can say you have a man is what you should be afraid of, not being single.
It’s okay if you don’t want to be unhappily married. It’s okay if you want to hold out and wait for the right man to come along. It’s okay to not get swept up in wedding fever and look to the next man who asks you out to be your husband. It’s okay to happily live your life until you run into Mr. Right.
Why Single Shouldn’t Be Stigmatized
Being single is really a positive thing if you approach it the right way and are in the right mental place. Being single means you’re giving yourself the chance to meet a man who is right for you. Being single means you are not going to enter a relationship with a jerk or a controlling and abusive man just so you can feel some sort of fulfillment in the fact that you have someone.
Being single means you are finding, and loving who you really are. Being single means you know how to enjoy your life with or without a significant other. Being single means you know you are a whole woman who doesn’t need a man to complete her, just to complement who she is.
Being single gives you an opportunity to explore yourself and your core values. It allows you to learn more about yourself on a deeper level in a way that gives you a clearer vision of what type of person would best suit you. Being single allows you to see what your priorities in life really are. Being single gives you the objectivity you need to see men more realistically, that is, if you allow yourself to.
Redefine Your Singlehood
All this only happens if you open yourself up to it. If you’re stubborn and stuck in your ways while you’re single, you won’t have that positive growth that will bring you closer to finding the right man for you.
You need to reflect on your past experiences, consider your emotional needs, and identify those qualities that you know won’t help you cultivate a healthy, loving relationship. In doing these things, you will also be more clearly defining the type of man you actually need as opposed to the ones that you want.
Most importantly, you need to live your life and achieve happiness for yourself when you’re single. By doing this you’ll actually put yourself in a much better position to attract and keep the man of your dreams.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Tune in next week when I discuss 20 ways to be single and happy during the holidays and every other day of your life!
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Image Courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Is Netflix And Chill An Acceptable First Date?
For those of you who are not familiar with the Netflix and chill date, it’s basically a date where you hang out at someone’s home and watch Netflix together.
Here’s the catch, the men that propose these kind of “dates” aren’t interested in having a real date with you. Instead, that want to lay on the couch or bed with you while watching a movie to make it easier for them to make a pass at you and get in your pants.
The Purpose of Netflix And Chill
The Netflix and chill date is really not a date at all. It’s the least amount of effort that a man can put into getting to know you. As a matter of fact, a man who wants to watch Netflix and chill most likely doesn’t really care about getting to know who you are.
He just wants to get you in an environment that will make it easy for him to come on to you. While many women know what to expect if they’re invited to Netflix and chill, some women are surprised to learn that the purpose of the date was for some no-strings-attached fun.
Of course, if you’ve already gone out on other dates, outside the home, then there’s nothing wrong with being invited over to Netflix and chill. However, your first three or four dates should be outside of each other’s home so that having premature sex won’t be an option.
And you’ll give yourself and your date the opportunity to really get to know each other and see if there is potential for a future relationship.
Do You Want A Relationship or Netflix And Chill Nights?
The reality is, men use Netflix and chill as a way to sleep with women as quickly as possible and with as little effort as necessary to accomplish that goal. If you don’t want just have a casual, sexual relationship, you don’t want to start off on that foot.
If you’re interested in more than just sex, you have to act that way and accepting a Netflix and chill date where you end up sleeping with a man too soon does not bring you any closer to attaining that.
Now there are women who claim to be equally interested in sex on the first date as men, but a lot of these women eventually come to regret their decision to move quickly on the first date when they realize the man they slept with is no longer showing any interest.
Will Rejecting A Netflix And Chill Date Get You A Relationship?
I’m not saying that rejecting the Netflix and chill date will land you in a relationship with a man, but I am saying that you increase your chances of growing what you have into a relationship if you get to know the man you’re dating before sleeping with him and give him a chance to do the same.
You might even get to know a man and realize that he isn’t right for you at all, so by not jumping into the Netflix and chill date too soon, you give yourself an opportunity to see if a man is compatible with you before you go as far as sleeping with him.
Want To Know If He’s Interested In More Than Just Sex?
If you want to know if a man is interested in more than just sex, kindly turn down his suggestion for a Netflix and chill date and let him know that you’d like to get out of the house and do something fun or grab a bite or a drink.
If he’s still trying to pressure you into a Netflix and chill night or isn’t receptive to doing anything else, this man only sees you as an opportunity for sex and nothing more.
Survey Results
Two weeks ago, I put an informal survey up on my blog asking, “Are you okay with Netflix and chill dates?” While I did not specify whether it was for a first date or otherwise, I found it interesting that 40% of those surveyed answered “yes,” 40% said “no,” and 20% chose “other.”
What are your thoughts on Netflix and chill for a first date? Let me know in the comments below!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dee's Dating Diary 