Top 5 Issues That Keep Women Single (Part 1 & 2)

If you’re single and wanting a great relationship, but are struggling to get it, you might just be keeping yourself single and not even know it!

I had the honor of returning to The Right to R.E.A.L. Love Radio Show with host Jay Mayo to discuss the top 5 issues that keep women single.

If you’re a woman, you’ve dealt with one or more of these issues at some point in your life! So turn off the TV, put down the phone, and listen in:

The Top 5 Issues That Keep Women Single (Part 1)

The Top 5 Issues That Keep Women Single (Part 2)

If you recognize that you’ve been affected by one or more of these issues and want to break free of them, let me help you through it– grab my book, Picking up the Pieces, or schedule a coaching session today!

Stay tuned for parts 3, 4, and 5!

Till Next Time,

 

 

Do You Have An Unreasonable Deal-Breaker?

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I exchanged phone numbers with someone through an online dating app and he immediately called me. The first thing he says to me is, “What are your deal-breakers?”

The question threw me off and I guess I was silent for a few seconds so he quickly says, “Well I asked because I have a big deal-breaker and if we don’t agree then dating each other isn’t going to work out.” I was kind of shocked because I’ve never had a man say anything like this to me before, but I was also really curious about what this deal breaker was so I asked him, “What’s your deal-breaker?”

He says, “Do you believe in evolution??”

I’m like, “Uhhh, I’m Christian so I believe God created people as opposed to us evolving from a species of animal.” Well, this set him clean off!

He says, “I received my master’s in evolutionary biology so I literally specifically studied this stuff and there is a lot of clear evidence and proof that we evolved from another species and if you don’t believe it then you’re just ignorant because the facts of evolution are out there and it’s true!”

I said, “I do believe in Darwinism and survival of the fittest, but I don’t believe we evolved from another species.” He then said I need to educate myself because science has proved this to be undoubtedly true.

At this point, I felt pretty offended and put off and got a little combative with him, I said, “Science had also been used in the past to prove the inferiority of black people and women so I’m not sold on anything just because it came from some random scientists. It was science that once said black people are better athletes because we have an extra muscle or something.”

My point was just that science has been used in the past to promote other agendas and I don’t just blindly believe everything that comes from scientists.

I could tell he definitely didn’t like what I said and he proceeded to question my education and asked me if I had even gone to college. I told him I also have a graduate degree, but not in evolutionary biology. Then I asked him, “So what job can you get with a masters in evolutionary biology other than a job teaching that very subject?” –I know I was being rude, but I was offended and couldn’t bite my tongue anymore…

He responded, “Right now, I tutor graduate students in the evolutionary biology program.”

I laughed really hard, in my head. LOL!

I was completely turned off by this guy and didn’t want to continue our back and forth jabs so I told him I had to get ready for bed and needed to go. He said, “Even though you don’t believe in evolution, I can tell you’re smart and I would like to talk again.”

I said, “Okay,” but got off the phone and never responded to him again.

Although he was willing to give me a chance even though I don’t believe in evolution, he really rubbed me the wrong way and I just didn’t want to talk to him ever again. Am I wrong? Should I have given him a chance?

Dear Dater,

Wow! That’s a new one. I thought I had heard it all, as far as deal-breakers, but I guess not!

It’s definitely strange that someone’s deal-breaker would be not believing in evolution, but, hey, plenty of people have plenty of unreasonable wants in a partner.

While I do acknowledge that some of us have beliefs that we need our partner to share, I don’t feel that believing in evolution needs to be one of those shared beliefs.

Here’s the kicker for this guy, just because a woman believes in evolution doesn’t mean that she’s a good person or will be a great girlfriend or wife one day. Believing in evolution definitely doesn’t speak to whether someone will treat you well, respect you, or even stay faithful to you.

So it’s pretty unreasonable for him to think that believing in evolution is going to make a woman right for him. And, unfortunately for him, this particular deal-breaker is going to cut him off from a lot of amazing women in this world!

Obviously, this guy connected with you on some level and may have felt that he was being unreasonable with the evolution thing, which is why he said he wanted to talk to you again anyway. However, it’s completely understandable if he has put such a bitter taste in your mouth that you never want to talk to him again.

In my personal opinion, he’s probably not the right person for you anyway because the man you’re meant to be with would never call you ignorant or insult your intelligence just because you don’t believe in evolution or his other beliefs.

It’s one thing to have different opinions and it’s another thing to insult and offend people simply because they don’t share your opinions or beliefs. Meaning, you should still be aware of how the men you date are talking to you. A man who is willing to put you down and insult you because he doesn’t like your perspective is not a man worth your time. 

It’s okay to have different views, but it’s not okay to be rude to someone because they don’t believe what you believe. 

At the end of the day, you always have to trust your gut instinct and if it’s telling you to run for the hills, then run for the hills!!

Thanks for sharing your experience and I wish you all the best in life and love! 

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

P.S. Need more great dating advice? Buy my life-changing book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You DeserveAmazon | Barnes & Noble

Did You Breakup With Your Boyfriend Because A “Spark” Was Missing?

Our past relationships have a big impact on who we choose to date in the future. Whether it leads us to dating better men or the same types of men we previously dated really just depends on whether we properly processed (mentally) our past relationships, learned the necessary lessons, and implement positive changes.

Unfortunately, most women don’t do this.

And while this perpetuates many different dating and relationship problems, today I want to focus on a more subtle problem that kills great relationships– thinking a “spark” is missing.

What Is The “Spark?”

The Merriam-Webster dictionary has several definitions for the word “spark.” However, the one that best fits relationships is this: “something that sets off a sudden force.” And still, this definition is pretty vague. 

In the end though, it doesn’t really matter how any dictionary or person defines a spark because the spark is really what we individually believe it to be. One woman might believe that the spark is having butterflies in her stomach while another woman might feel that the spark is wanting to continue talking to someone for hours on end.

Ultimately, the spark is a highly subjective concept. 

Every woman is looking for that spark when she’s dating a man. But how do you actually define a spark and is your definition of a spark hurting your relationships or leading you to dating terrible guys?

Are You Used To The Emotional Roller Coaster?

When women date men who treat them poorly and put them through a lot of ups and downs, which I call the emotional roller coaster, they consequently develop unhealthy attachments to these men and often confuse those feelings of extreme anxiety then satisfaction, during the ups and downs, as a strong spark and growing feelings of love.

They think those anxious feelings they have while waiting for Mr. Wrong to do right are really butterflies. But they’re not…

Then, when they meet a good man who is honest, genuine, and grounded, they think a spark is missing and, therefore, must be dating the wrong man. 

Are You Really Missing A “Spark?”

But before you cut things off with your next boyfriend because you think there’s no spark in the relationship, ask yourself this–are we lacking a connection or is there just a lack of drama in the relationship?

It’s extremely important that you evaluate what you believe the spark is because some women easily confuse stability as a lack of a spark when they’ve wrongfully internalized drama as the norm.

So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re dating the right man because you feel that something is missing, think: am I missing a spark or am I missing the drama?

Be honest with yourself so you can openly embrace a great, stable relationship with a great man!

Till Next Time,

Dee

Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Photo Credit: Photo by Allan Filipe Santos Dias on Unsplash

Are Open Relationships Just About Sex?

The Urban Dictionary defines an open relationship as, “A relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can’t exactly promise that they won’t see other people too. Basically, to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people. Common during college for many post-high school relationships.”

Survey Results

In my last post, I conducted an informal survey to see if a large amount of people are open to open relationships. This is what I found:

Of the 9 people who participated in this survey, 7 people (77.78%) said they are open to open relationships and 2 people (22.22%) said they were not open to it. Although only a few people took the survey, I was definitely expecting the results to be the other way around. This tells me that more people are open to polyamorous relationships than I initially thought.

Are Open Relationships Just About Sex?

Having a personal preference for monogamous relationships, I had to get insight from other people to find out what really makes people open to open relationships. What was surprising for me to learn was that having an open relationship is not just about being able to have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want.

While some people, including women, do feel that it isn’t realistic to have one sexual partner for the rest of their life, some people’s preference for open relationships have nothing to do with sex.

So what other reasons do people have for seeking open relationships?

Why People Want Open Relationships

Some people like open relationships because it takes pressure off of the relationship while others feel it leaves them open to meeting a better match or satisfying emotional desires that aren’t being met within the relationship.

If you find yourself in a position where you feel like you’re in love with two people at the same time, an open relationship with both people would be the most ideal path forward (not necessarily for everyone involved though). 

Some people also feel that exclusivity or monogamy has connotations of ownership and possession that they don’t want to subscribe to. These people feel that if they are in an open relationship and their partner chooses to come home to them every night, the decision to be together feels more meaningful since the option to be with other people is readily available.

There are also women who enter open relationships only because it’s what their boyfriend wants and they want to keep their boyfriend happy in order to keep the relationship going. 

Is There Jealousy In Open Relationships?

Canvassing people’s opinions on open relationships has been very enlightening, but it ultimately left me with this question: how prevalent is jealousy in open relationships and can it be resolved without resorting back to a monogamous relationship? 

Let me know your thoughts below and your reasons for preferring monogamous or polyamorous relationships.

Till Next Time,

Dee

P.S. Looking for results-driven dating advice? Check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You DeserveAmazon | Barnes & Noble 

Photo Credit: Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

Why Consistency Is The Most Important Characteristic To Look For When Dating

When you’re dating, one of the most important things to look for in a man is consistency. Consistency is truly key!

What Is Consistency?

Consistency in dating basically means that a man’s behavior with you remains the same for as long as you date. 

For example, if you’re dating a man and you see him every weekend for a month then you suddenly only see him randomly on weekdays, this is inconsistent behavior and, therefore, a red flag. If you talk on the phone everyday then only speak only a few times a week or only exchange texts here and there, this behavior is inconsistent and tells you that this man won’t be a long-term partner.

Consistency in dating also includes consistency between a man’s words (what he tells you) and his actions (what he is actually doing). For example, if a man says he is going to call you tomorrow and doesn’t, there’s no consistency between his words and actions.

If a man’s words aren’t consistent with his actions, this lets you know that his words are lies and can’t be relied on. Remember, men’s actions will always tell you how they truly feel about you! A man who is consistent is a man who can be trusted and relied upon. A man who is inconsistent or wishy-washy can’t be trusted and you’ll regularly have the feeling that you don’t know where you stand with this guy.

One day you’ll talk to him and hear all the things you want to hear and you’ll feel great, thinking he definitely wants you in his life. Then the next day (when you haven’t heard from him) you’ll feel like you’re right back to square one, wondering if he really does want to continue progressing towards a serious relationship.

The Negative Effect Of Dating Inconsistent Men

Dating inconsistent men can give you the false feeling that you are in love or quickly falling in love. You’ll develop strong feelings for these types of men, not because you are actually falling in love with the man, but simply because you are on an emotional roller coaster ride with them (Check out my post Are You In Love Or On An Emotional Roller Coaster). 

When you are constantly having to wonder and worry about where you stand with a man or when he will see or speak to you next, it unconsciously makes you feel more attached to the person because you are stressing out about them. It’s not strong genuine feelings that you’re cultivating, it’s just a strong desire for continued attention, and validation or confirmation that dating each other is going somewhere.

In the moments that he’s texting you and whispering sweet-nothings in your ear, you feel amazing, beautiful, loved, and cherished. However, when days go by, in the absence of communication, you feel forgotten, deserted, undesired, insecure, and so much more.

Going from these extreme emotional highs to extreme emotional lows is what builds unhealthy attachments to these men and, consequently, we often mistake this artificial attachment as genuine feelings of love and adoration.

Is His Attention Fleeting?

I recently heard this saying “when a guy burns hot, he extinguishes fast,” and I definitely agree with it to a certain extent. Most of the time, when a man comes on really strong and tries to “lay it on thick,” it’s usually fleeting attention that doesn’t last because his aim is simply to quickly move you to the bedroom.

With this in mind, it’s always a great idea to take your time in getting to know a man and pace the dating so that you don’t get wrapped up in any guy’s facade and you give him enough time to let his true colors show.

If you’ve been dating a man whose communication seems to be dwindling, it’s probably not because he is suddenly busy all the time. When a man’s attention is fleeting, it’s because they’ve lost interest or they never really had interest in pursuing a serious relationship in the first place.

How Inconsistency Gets Manifested As Gut Instincts

I’m constantly talking about how important it is to trust your gut instinct. As much as it can be hard to trust ourselves, you should always listen to what your gut tells you.

Your gut instinct will actually kick in when a man is not consistent with you. If he tells you one thing, but his actions say something completely different, you’ll get that gut feeling that something isn’t right.

However, most women tend to write off their gut feelings that something isn’t right, just to learn much later down the line that they really should have paid more attention to it.

How To Weed Out Inconsistent Men When Dating

As a woman, it’s your job to determine whether a man is being truthful and honest in his feelings for you and you accomplish this by paying attention to his words, actions, and your own gut instincts. The days of letting men sell you the dream are over!

You can no longer just listen to the sweet words that men tell you and think that it is the sole indicator of their true interest in you or love for you. You have to start dating consciously so that you can recognize when a man’s behavior is not consistent with what he tells you. This will allow you to make an informed decision when deciding whether to continue pursuing a relationship with a man you’re dating.

For more great dating advice, grab my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

This Is Why You’re Attracted To Bad Boys

When you come across that bad boy you feel attracted to, what is it that piques your interest in him? Do you know what’s at the root of your attraction?

Why You’re Attracted To Bad Boys

There’s no one size fits all answer to why you date bad boys, but there are a few common reasons that might apply to you. Perhaps you enjoy the thrill of the bad boy lifestyle or maybe you have a habit of dating emotionally unavailable men.

For some women, low self-esteem at the root of dating bad boys because the attention they receive from the bad boy makes them feel better about themselves.

You may even be attracted to bad boys because of your own misperception and misunderstanding about men’s behavior or personality. Several years ago, I read a really interesting article that said women are attracted to bad boys because their arrogance is mistaken for confidence.

Mistaking Arrogance For Confidence

Basically, you might perceive a bad boy as having a high level of confidence, which is a very strong attraction point when it comes to dating. Whether you’re a man or a woman, confidence is sexy, period.

No one wants to date an insecure person who constantly needs pacifying and reassurance. The reality is, a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence is definitely a turn off.

With bad boys being arrogant and cocky by nature, they display what seems to be great self-confidence when in actuality they’re just arrogant. What’s actually pulling you in is not the bad boy’s true confidence, it’s his boastful, cocky, and arrogant nature.

In this respect, your attraction to bad boys is purely based on mis-perceiving their arrogance for confidence.

Ready To Let Go Of The Bad Boy?

When you consider all of this, it makes perfect sense that you might want to date a bad boy. But, now that you know why you may have been attracted to bad boys, will you continue to date them?

Knowing the basis of your attraction to certain types of man is the starting point for change, but you first have to want the change yourself if you’re going to do anything differently.

So, are you ready to stop dating bad boys? 

For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Photo by Annette Sousa on Unsplash

15 Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend

Today, it’s become harder and harder for some women to decipher their place in a man’s life. They aren’t sure how to define the relationship or don’t know if what they have is a relationship at all.

It’s not uncommon to see a woman give some guy months or even years of her attention just to learn down the line that he never wanted anything that was more than casual.

Communication Is Key

If you find yourself in an awkward space where you don’t know if you’re in a relationship or dating towards having a serious relationship, the best thing to do is to have an open, honest conversation with the person you’re dating to see if you’re on the same page as far as pursuing a relationship.

I think it’s important to note though, that some men will be very vague and obscure when having the “what are we” conversation. Some men don’t want to lose the great situationship they have with you, but also don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you either.

So, they will try to keep you in limbo for as long as possible so they can delay getting to the point of having to seriously commit to you or break things off.

Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend

If you’ve talked about your situationship, but feel like you didn’t get clarity or only feel more confused, consider the following signs to determine whether you might be your guy’s next serious girlfriend or just his late night creep:

1. He Never Spends More Than 3-4 Hours With You

2. He’s Always “Too Busy” To Make Real Plans With You

3. He Never Takes You Out In Public

4. He Only Hangs Out With You After 9pm 

5. All You Do Is Netflix And Chill

6. He Says He Doesn’t Believe in Using Labels (until you see him calling someone else his fiancé a few years later)

7. He Doesn’t Let You Meet His Friends Or Family And Avoids Yours

8. He Pretends Like He’s Alone When Someone Calls Him And Asks What He’s Doing

9. He’s A Ghost When You’re On Your Period And Resurfaces When It’s Over

10. You Only Hear From Him Once or Twice A Week Or Only A Few Times A Month

11. He Rejected Your Facebook Friend Request

12. He Lies And Says He Doesn’t Have A Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat Account

13. He Won’t Commit To Any Future Plans With You (i.e. vacations, trips, weddings, events, etc.)

14. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For A Relationship

15. He Says He Likes The Situationship Just The Way It Is

If you discuss going out in public or becoming more than what you are now and your guy says he likes things just the way they are, he isn’t “ready” for a relationship, or doesn’t think you guys need to define what you are, you’re never going to be in a real relationship with this man and it’s best that you cut your losses and move on, if this isn’t what you want.

For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash