Did You Breakup With Your Boyfriend Because A “Spark” Was Missing?

Our past relationships have a big impact on who we choose to date in the future. Whether it leads us to dating better men or the same types of men we previously dated really just depends on whether we properly processed (mentally) our past relationships, learned the necessary lessons, and implement positive changes.

Unfortunately, most women don’t do this.

And while this perpetuates many different dating and relationship problems, today I want to focus on a more subtle problem that kills great relationships– thinking a “spark” is missing.

What Is The “Spark?”

The Merriam-Webster dictionary has several definitions for the word “spark.” However, the one that best fits relationships is this: “something that sets off a sudden force.” And still, this definition is pretty vague. 

In the end though, it doesn’t really matter how any dictionary or person defines a spark because the spark is really what we individually believe it to be. One woman might believe that the spark is having butterflies in her stomach while another woman might feel that the spark is wanting to continue talking to someone for hours on end.

Ultimately, the spark is a highly subjective concept. 

Every woman is looking for that spark when she’s dating a man. But how do you actually define a spark and is your definition of a spark hurting your relationships or leading you to dating terrible guys?

Are You Used To The Emotional Roller Coaster?

When women date men who treat them poorly and put them through a lot of ups and downs, which I call the emotional roller coaster, they consequently develop unhealthy attachments to these men and often confuse those feelings of extreme anxiety then satisfaction, during the ups and downs, as a strong spark and growing feelings of love.

They think those anxious feelings they have while waiting for Mr. Wrong to do right are really butterflies. But they’re not…

Then, when they meet a good man who is honest, genuine, and grounded, they think a spark is missing and, therefore, must be dating the wrong man. 

Are You Really Missing A “Spark?”

But before you cut things off with your next boyfriend because you think there’s no spark in the relationship, ask yourself this–are we lacking a connection or is there just a lack of drama in the relationship?

It’s extremely important that you evaluate what you believe the spark is because some women easily confuse stability as a lack of a spark when they’ve wrongfully internalized drama as the norm.

So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re dating the right man because you feel that something is missing, think: am I missing a spark or am I missing the drama?

Be honest with yourself so you can openly embrace a great, stable relationship with a great man!

Till Next Time,

Dee

Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Photo Credit: Photo by Allan Filipe Santos Dias on Unsplash

5 Ridiculous Reasons Men Give For Going MIA When Dating

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Almost every woman has at least one story about a man they were dating who didn’t return a call or text for an extended period of time. Some women have experienced a man going MIA for a day or two while others have seen men go MIA for weeks or months.

Regardless of the length of time a man is MIA though, the one thing they all have in common is that they make ridiculous excuses for their absences. There’s a ton of excuses men give in these situations, but here are 5 ridiculous reasons men give for going MIA when dating:

1.  “I Was Busy”

The “I was busy” excuse is definitely one of the most common reasons that men give for not being in contact with a woman. Yes, a lot of people have very busy lives, that’s true. But, the reality is, men make time for who they really want. It takes no more than a few seconds to send a text so there’s really no excuse for not responding to a person you’re dating for days or weeks.

Never let a man convince you that he is so busy that he can’t even take 10 seconds out of his day to reply to your text!

2. “I Lost My Phone”

“I lost my phone” or “I left my phone at a friend’s house” are also common excuses men use for being MIA. Think about this though, if you left your phone at your friend’s house, you certainly wouldn’t take more than a day to get it back if not just a few hours.

And, we are all so attached to our smartphones that if we did happen to lose it many of us wouldn’t go more than a day or two without replacing it. So, if you haven’t heard back from a man in a week or more, you definitely shouldn’t be entertaining the “I lost my phone” excuse.

But, let’s just say the guy you’re dating did really lose his phone. Well, there’s still so many different ways that a man can get in touch with you. You can send emails or use social media, like Facebook, to send messages.

There are plenty of options for getting in touch with a person so losing your phone is not a legitimate excuse for going MIA!

3. “I Never Got Your Call/Text”

Here’s an excuse some men use because it manipulates a woman into accepting a man’s bad behavior and allows him to escape responsibility for his actions, or lack thereof.

When a man tells you that he never got your call or text, he puts you in a position where you feel like you can’t be mad at him for not responding. You feel like you have to drop the issue and let it go. Because, technically, he didn’t have control over the situation since he didn’t get your call, voicemail, or text, right?

Wrong!! There’s one thing you need to remember, ladies. Even if a man claims that he didn’t get your call, text, or voicemail, there’s still no excuse for why he hasn’t reached out to you in days or weeks. If you’re dating a man and he is genuinely interested in you, he’s not going to go a week or more without talking to you or reaching out to you.

Know that a man who actually likes you will want to reach out and talk to you whether you call him first or not!

4. “I Had Meningitis” or “I Was In The Hospital”

Some men excuse their absences with reasons like, “I had meningitis” (or some other crazy illness) or “I was in the hospital.” If a man genuinely had an illness that incapacitated him for weeks or months, it’s definitely understandable that he may not have the strength or ability to talk to you frequently.

But, if a man really likes you, he isn’t going to get sick and not say a peep to you for weeks or months. You may be too weak or unable to talk, but you can definitely send a text or get a friend or family member to do it for you!

An ill man would still want the woman he cares about in his life!

5.  “I Did Text You Back”

Let’s get real, texts and voicemails aren’t getting lost in the digital stratosphere! As long as you are texting the correct phone number, the recipient is going to get it. Now, your text may not always go through immediately, but it’s definitely getting to it’s destination.

So, when a man you’re dating tells you that he did text you back or he left you a voicemail and you got absolutely nothing from him, know that this is a huge red flag!

I’d love to know, what’s the craziest excuses you’ve gotten for a man being MIA? Leave your comments below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Would Your Boyfriend Rather Spend The 4th of July With The Boys?

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The 4th of July is a great opportunity to spend quality time with your friends, family, and significant other. From barbecues to seafood boils, the 4th of July has a way of bringing people together.

If you’re in a relationship and not working on the 4th of July, you’re probably expecting to spend the holiday with your boyfriend. But, what if your boyfriend would rather spend the 4th of July with “the boys?”

If you live with your boyfriend or spend a lot of time with each other, you may want to catch up with your own family and friends over the holiday. And, it’s great to stay connected with your family and friends while you’re in a relationship.

But, if you don’t get to spend a lot of time with your boyfriend because of busy schedules, the holidays are the perfect opportunity to get that quality time in. So, if you don’t spend a lot of time with your boyfriend and he’d rather spend his free time over the holiday with his boys, then this is a red flag.

Don’t be afraid to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel. If you want to spend time with your boyfriend over the holiday, express this and if he still doesn’t want to spend time with you, then you may need to re-evaluate your relationship.

And, if you don’t spend the 4th of July with your boyfriend, definitely don’t mope around the house feeling sorry for yourself. Call up some friends, make plans, and go have some fun!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Happy 4th of July!

Till Next Time,

Dee

Dee Simone Guest Stars on The Right To Real Love Radio Show!

Today, I’m guest starring on The Right to REAL Love Radio show hosted by Jay Mayo! On this episode, we discuss the topic of treating your boyfriend like a husband. The topic was inspired by my article “Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband!” But, on the show, we take a much deeper dive into the topic and Jay Mayo really creates a multifaceted conversation through his unique male perspective.

Not only do we address the problems and difficulties associated with treating your boyfriend like a husband, but we also address important implications of this behavior that every woman should know! I had a great time recording with Jay Mayo and you’re not going to want to miss this conversation! You can listen right here:

You can also listen to the show directly on The Right to REAL Love website where you’ll also find some great notes from the show: The Right to REAL Love Radio: Are You Treating Your Boyfriend Like a Husband?

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Do Men Want to Date New Millennium Women?

Check out this article I wrote for Digital Romance Inc. This is a read you definitely don’t want to miss! You can find my article Here.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

4 Problems with Drinking on First Dates

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When you go out on a date, you hope to have great conversation and make a great connection. But sometimes, nervous or anxious feelings prevent us from maximizing our connection with a date.

For some people, drinking alcohol seems like a great way to loosen up and make the date a more fluid and enjoyable one.

However, while alcohol may temporarily ease that nervous energy, there’s a fine line between easing your tension and destroying the possibility of making a genuine connection with your date.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What’s Wrong With Drinking on First Dates?

Alcohol can easily have a negative effect on your date. You may become a little too loosened up by the alcohol, which could lead to a number of problems on the date.

Here are 4 problems with drinking on first dates:

  1. You might divulge way too much information too soon (To find out what “too much information too soon” is, check out my post on the topic Here);
  2. You might bring up inappropriate first date topics like religion, politics, exes, and more;
  3. You might make inappropriate comments that offend your date; and
  4. You might have a false sense that you made a real connection with your date.
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

False Sense Of Making A Connection

One of the worst problems with drinking on first dates is the fact that the alcohol could lead you to feeling that you’ve made a genuine connection with your date when, in fact, you haven’t made a connection at all.

By the end of the date, you may feel much closer to your date and “connected” while your date feels annoyed, offended, or completely disinterested.

Consuming alcohol makes it more difficult to recognize those subtle clues that let you know whether someone is interested in you or not.

In fact, alcohol can make you flat out misinterpret social cues that tell you a person is uncomfortable with your behavior, language, or conversation topics

Image courtesy of Cbenjasuwan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Cbenjasuwan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Make A Love Connection!

In order to increase your chances of making a genuine connection or recognizing when there isn’t one, stick to ONE alcoholic drink on your date.

If you’re a more frequent or regular drinker, then you may bump this up to two. But, under no circumstances should you have more than 1-2 drinks on your first few dates!

Digital Romance Inc.

I’ve written an article for Digital Romance Inc. and it will be published on their website tomorrow! This is definitely a read you don’t want to miss!!

I’m really excited to write for Digital Romance Inc! Their “goal is to give you solutions to the entire range of relationship problems that people have been experiencing for… well, for as long as people have had relationships.”

Check out my website tomorrow for a direct link to my article!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Are We Learning or Barely Discerning?: Serial Relationships

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You’re not necessarily supposed to be in a relationship for every year of your adult life. Yet, you’ll often find women who are envious of their friends with serial relationships.

You know the women I’m talking about, the ones who are never single for more than a few weeks at a time, the ones who jump from one relationship to the very next without even batting an eye. They’ve always had serial relationships.

But, these are not women to be jealous or envious of.

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Many Relationships Should You Have?

If you’re wondering how many relationships you’re supposed to have, realize that there is no magic number that’s going to bring you any closer to your “Mr. Right.”

Your chances of meeting the right man and getting married is not dependent upon the number of relationships that you’ve had in your life.

At the end of the day, what’s truly important is your ability to learn from your past relationships in order to recognize and change those things that prevent you from attracting quality men and healthy relationships.

If you jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to think about the choices you made or bad behavior you accepted, you’ll continue to have bad relationship after bad relationship and you’ll face the same issues each time if not worse.

 

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Inhibiting Self-Awareness & Change

Some women won’t leave a bad relationship until there’s another man to latch onto and this isn’t healthy at all. In doing this, you avoid facing and addressing serious issues you have with yourself and your relationships.

Going from relationship to relationship, doesn’t give yourself enough time to heal, learn, and grow from that experience. But, why is this important?

It’s important because you’ll never learn the lessons you’re supposed to from your past relationships with men. It’s important because you’ll continue to choose the wrong kind of men and make the same mistakes over and over.

Serial relationships don’t enable you to do the deep soul-searching that needs to be done to figure out why you chose to date your ex, what mistakes you made, and what changes need to be made in your dating life.

Be accountable, be knowledgable of your actions and yourself, take the time to reflect on your relationship and heal before you look to getting into another one!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Are You Envying A Healthy Relationship?

Some women are jealous of another woman’s serial relationships, not because those relationships are healthy or have a great dynamic, but simply because they just want a boyfriend too.

Most of the time, when women are envious of their friends with serial relationships, those relationships are usually unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be envied at all.

The truth is, you should never envy another person’s relationship. The old saying is certainly true, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.”

Unfortunately, many women are more than happy to put up fake fronts about how great their relationship is, even if she’s miserable in it.

Therefore, you should never get caught up wanting what someone else has. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors.

Don’t Entertain Self-Doubt

When you have a friend that easily finds her next relationship, it may make you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t able to do the same.

But, you aren’t inadequate or lacking in any way simply because you haven’t had as many relationships as your friends or because you’ve been single for awhile.

Don’t be jealous or envious of your friends that always have a man. Focus on growing as a person and taking much needed lessons from your past relationships and dealings with men so your next relationship will be a better and healthier one!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

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