5 Red Flags Men Need To Watch For

Posted on July 12, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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While I normally address red flags that women should be watchful for with men, I want to focus on 5 red flags that men need to watch for with women.

Although some men are great at identifying red flags that tell you a woman may not be good relationship material, some men don’t readily notice these clues.

So, here are 5 Red Flags That Men Need To Watch For:

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1. She Talks About The Future Too Soon

Talking about “the future” too soon is definitely a red flag that you need to pay attention to. This is a sign that she may try to force the progression of your relationship.

Listen carefully when your date is speaking. If she uses the word “we” a lot, then you have a good idea of what you may be getting yourself into by continuing to date this woman.

If a woman is making plans for the both of you and it’s only your second date, you can’t act surprised when soon after she’s trying to pressure you into a relationship and then marriage!

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2. She’s Needy, Clingy, or Desperate

It’s never a good idea to date a needy or clingy woman. Clinginess is a sign that a woman will have dependency issues in the relationship.

Dating a woman that is completely dependent on you is detrimental to having a healthy relationship.

A needy woman requires A LOT of attention and pacifying. She can’t be alone and she’ll want to spend all of her time with you, which could make you feel suffocated by her attention.

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3. She Talks About Her Ex

Talking about exes on the first few dates is a HUGE red flag! If she’s talking about her ex-boyfriend on a date with you, face it, she’s NOT over him.

You don’t want to have to deal with the emotional baggage she’s carrying from her last relationship.

Some women don’t take the necessary time to deal with issues from their previous relationship and actually HEAL before getting back into the dating world.

If you don’t want to deal with a woman’s issues that another man caused, then steer clear of the woman who can’t help but talk about her ex!

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4. She’s Jealous Or Snoops

If your date makes a reference to you being a player type or suggests that you must date many women, and you’re not, this is a red flag that she may be the jealous type.

You don’t want to date a woman who is jealous for no reason because this will play out in your relationship if you decide to date her exclusively.

With a jealous woman, she may accuse you of cheating or even snoop through your phone or other things. Dating a jealous woman is not conducive to having a happy or healthy relationship.

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5. She’s Insecure or Lacks Self-Confidence

If a woman is very insecure and lacks self-confidence, this is a sign that you will have to put A LOT of effort into dating this woman.

This is because an insecure woman requires a lot of emotional work and, therefore, a lot of emotional support from you.

While it may seem admirable to take this relationship on and try to help your girlfriend work through her self-worth issues, true change can only come from her.

There’s nothing you can do to make her secure about herself. It’s called “SELF-” worth and “SELF-” confidence for a reason, it has to come from her, NOT you!

Any Thoughts?

What are your experiences with dealing with these kinds of red flags? I’d love to hear your stories and perspectives, so please leave a comment below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Are We Learning or Barely Discerning?: Serial Relationships

Posted on June 21, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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You’re not necessarily supposed to be in a relationship for every year of your adult life. Yet, you’ll often find women who are envious of their friends with serial relationships.

You know the women I’m talking about, the ones who are never single for more than a few weeks at a time, the ones who jump from one relationship to the very next without even batting an eye. They’ve always had serial relationships.

But, these are not women to be jealous or envious of.

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How Many Relationships Should You Have?

If you’re wondering how many relationships you’re supposed to have, realize that there is no magic number that’s going to bring you any closer to your “Mr. Right.”

Your chances of meeting the right man and getting married is not dependent upon the number of relationships that you’ve had in your life.

At the end of the day, what’s truly important is your ability to learn from your past relationships in order to recognize and change those things that prevent you from attracting quality men and healthy relationships.

If you jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to think about the choices you made or bad behavior you accepted, you’ll continue to have bad relationship after bad relationship and you’ll face the same issues each time if not worse.

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Inhibiting Self-Awareness & Change

Some women won’t leave a bad relationship until there’s another man to latch onto and this isn’t healthy at all. In doing this, you avoid facing and addressing serious issues you have with yourself and your relationships.

Going from relationship to relationship, doesn’t give yourself enough time to heal, learn, and grow from that experience. But, why is this important?

It’s important because you’ll never learn the lessons you’re supposed to from your past relationships with men. It’s important because you’ll continue to choose the wrong kind of men and make the same mistakes over and over.

Serial relationships don’t enable you to do the deep soul-searching that needs to be done to figure out why you chose to date your ex, what mistakes you made, and what changes need to be made in your dating life.

Be accountable, be knowledgable of your actions and yourself, take the time to reflect on your relationship and heal before you look to getting into another one!

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Are You Envying A Healthy Relationship?

Some women are jealous of another woman’s serial relationships, not because those relationships are healthy or have a great dynamic, but simply because they just want a boyfriend too.

Most of the time, when women are envious of their friends with serial relationships, those relationships are usually unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be envied at all.

The truth is, you should never envy another person’s relationship. The old saying is certainly true, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.”

Unfortunately, many women are more than happy to put up fake fronts about how great their relationship is, even if she’s miserable in it.

Therefore, you should never get caught up wanting what someone else has. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors.

Don’t Entertain Self-Doubt

When you have a friend that easily finds her next relationship, it may make you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t able to do the same.

But, you aren’t inadequate or lacking in any way simply because you haven’t had as many relationships as your friends or because you’ve been single for awhile.

Don’t be jealous or envious of your friends that always have a man. Focus on growing as a person and taking much needed lessons from your past relationships and dealings with men so your next relationship will be a better and healthier one!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

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Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

Posted on June 14, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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This week, I wanted to address a very common red flag that most younger women tend to overlook.

How many times have you had plans with a man just for him to be a “no call, no show?”

You made plans the day before or even days in advance, but when the time comes to see each other he’s not picking up his phone. And, he’s definitely not calling back.

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What Does “Falling Asleep” On You Mean?

If a man stands you up and tells you the next day that he “fell asleep,” trust me, HE’S LYING!

The harsh reality is that he’s not into you at all! Men don’t fall asleep when they have plans with a woman.

Most likely, he found something better to do, maybe with another woman, or he wasn’t even in the mood to talk to you or deal with you at all.

It’s sad that some men don’t even have enough respect for a woman to call her and cancel their plans. The truth is, he shouldn’t have made plans with you in the first place.

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This Won’t Be The Last Time

One thing that I can guarantee you though, if a man tells you that he fell asleep when you had plans, this won’t be the last time that he’s a “no call, no show.”

The only difference will be that each time he “disappears” on you like this, he’s excuses will get bigger and bigger.

It could go from “falling asleep” to “losing his phone” to “being sick in the hospital.”

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How Do You Handle It?

When the guy you had plans with doesn’t call you or return your call, either you start worrying about his well-being OR you get pissed!

Pissed that he’s standing you up. Pissed that he doesn’t have the decency to call or cancel the date. Pissed that he put you through this (and you got all cute and everything too)!

Now, some women in this position will call the man once or twice while others will blow up his phone all night and probably leave a few voicemails or texts cursing him out.

All of that is unnecessary though! When a man stands you up, the last thing you need to do is worry about his well-being, blow up his phone, or waste your energy cursing him out!

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Did You Push For The Date?

Interestingly enough though, women usually encounter these situations when they are the ones pursuing the man. Think about it.

If this has ever happened to you, were you the one that pushed the topic of getting together? Did he actually say he wanted to do something with you or did he just agree to your suggestion to meet?

It’s important not to chase men into relationships. You may get some attention from your efforts, but it may not be lasting.

Let a man go after you so that you don’t force yourself on someone that just isn’t that into you.

The next time a man “falls asleep” on you, drop him like a hot potato and never look back!!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

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Who Comes First in a Relationship?

Posted on June 7, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Many times when women are in a relationship, they put their boyfriends before themselves. They do what’s in their beaux’s best interest, but not their own.

Unless you’re engaged or married, you have to put yourself first!

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Lost Opportunities

In a relationship, you’re still two separate people with separate lives. While you try to be a part of each other’s lives, what’s in each person’s best interest may be very different.

For example, you may get a great job offer that could take your career to the next level.

However, because they job is in a different city or state, you may pass up on the opportunity in order to stay closer to your man.

While his best interest is for you to stay, your best interest is to leave and take the job. You’re best interest should take priority over his.

The truth is, you have to continue to pursue your dreams or what’s best for your career while you’re in a relationship. If you don’t, you’ll eventually regret these missed opportunities.

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Will He Move With You?

If a man loves you and feels strongly enough about you, he will follow you wherever you go. If he doesn’t, then he won’t.

Now, there is an exception to this rule. If his career has no mobility or there isn’t a demand for his expertise in the new city, then moving may mean career suicide for him.

Perhaps his career is client-based and moving would mean starting over or changing careers altogether. This is definitely something that also has to be taken into consideration.

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Stay True To Yourself

Unless there’s a ring on your finger, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to plan and live your life around a man.

It’s very important that you don’t lose sight of yourself while you’re in a relationship.

Always follow your dreams and do what’s in your best interest so that, at the end of the day, you won’t have to live with any regret over lost opportunities.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary

For more great dating advice and must-read articles, follow Dee’s Dating Diary on Facebook and Twitter!

Follow Me On Facebook Here: Dee’s Dating Diary

Follow Me On Twitter Here: @DeesDatingDiary

Dating Down

Posted on May 31, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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In this day and age, it’s quite unfortunate that you see so many women “dating down.”

But, what is dating down, you ask?

Dating down is when you date men that aren’t good for you or worthy of you.

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Common Types of “Dating Down”

If you’re dating a man that doesn’t respect and cherish you and the value that you bring to the relationship, and instead, puts you down, cheats on you, abuses you or controls your every movement, then you’re dating down.

Do you have to fight for attention? Ask your man to call you? Or remind him that you exist?? You’re dating down.

Are you an ambitious, driven, well-educated woman dating a man who isn’t ambitious or driven to, for example, learn a trade/skill, pursue entrepreneurial endeavors, or pursue a higher education? Well, you’re dating down.

Are you supporting a man that isn’t self sufficient? Whether he’s “borrowing” your money or your car, face it, you’re dating down!

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Problems With Dating Down

When you date down, you open yourself up to significant problems that you shouldn’t have to deal with.

These relationships negatively affect your self-esteem. You’ll probably start to think that this is what you deserve. That you’ll never find better.

You’ll eventually downplay your self-worth and, consequently, your self-confidence will dwindle as well.

When you’re treated poorly or stay in the wrong relationship, you’ll get desensitized to those things that you shouldn’t have to accept.

The chances of your next relationship being healthier or better is slim because you’ve gotten used to accepting less than what you need and deserve from a relationship. This easily turns into a cycle.

You may even falsely believe that it’s better to have this man than no man at all.

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Ready For Change?

Dating down can lead you to resenting the man you’re dating because he’s not who you want him to be. But, truthfully, you can only blame yourself for choosing to date a man that wasn’t right for you in the first place.

If you’ve been dating down, you owe it to yourself to let that relationship go in order to attract a man who actually deserves you. A man who appreciates your worth, a man you don’t have to financially support, a man who has ambition.

Give yourself a chance to attract a man that is on your level. Someone who is self sufficient and can pay his own bills and maintain his own car.

You’ll never have a better relationship as long as you stay in the wrong one. So free yourself now, as hard as it may be, so that you can have true happiness in the future.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

He Can’t Complete You!

Posted on May 17, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Many women feel they need a man to “complete” them. They’ll say a man is their “better half” or “he completes me.”

But, the truth is, a man can’t complete you. Only you can complete you! Two halves won’t actually make a whole, so you need to feel whole with or without a man.

It’s unfair to yourself to base your completeness and happiness on whether you’re in a relationship.

And, if you do, you’ll be miserable when you’re single and possibly desperate for any man who will show you attention.

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What’s The Root of the Issue?

To say that a man completes you, is to say that you have some void in your life without a man.

You have to be complete on your own before entering a relationship or this could cause other serious issues with your boyfriend.

Ultimately, dependency issues may be at the root of needing a man to “complete” you. Are you clingy or needy in your relationships?

You may find yourself not wanting to do any activities without your boyfriend. Or, maybe you don’t want him to do any activities without you.

Either way, falling victim to this “he completes me” mentality may lead you to becoming unhealthily dependent on your boyfriend and relationship.

It’s time to start evaluating yourself. You need to figure out why you think you need a man to complete you.

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Self-Actualization

If you say that a man completes you, then you’re incomplete when he’s gone. What are you when your “better half” leaves?

Why aren’t you a complete person without a man?

Honestly think about these questions so that you can help yourself come to terms with the fact that you’re an amazing woman who doesn’t need any person to complete you!

You are and always will be a whole person. You were born as a complete woman and to allow yourself to think otherwise is absurd.

A man is meant to complement who you are, NOT complete you! Remember that!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Choose Your Battles Wisely!

Posted on May 10, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.

There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.

For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.

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The Urge To Push

Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.

The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.

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Effect of Constantly “Nagging”

Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.

Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.

While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.

If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!

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Focus On One Issue

Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.

If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”

But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.

You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.

Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.

Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.

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Positive Reinforcement

After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.

Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.

Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.

You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.

Conclusion

Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.

So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.

You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Your Self-Confidence Can’t Depend on Him!!

Posted on May 3, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Unfortunately, many women who are hurt by men start feeling like they aren’t as pretty or smart as they really are.

Why is it that women tend to base their self-esteem and self-confidence on how men treat them or feel about them?

The hardships women face in dealing with men, frequently force women to rethink the way they feel about themselves and this isn’t right!!

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Dating Problems Are Just That

The problems you experience in dating are just that, dating problems and nothing more. These problems shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself and your beauty!

When men have problems in their relationships, do you think they start questioning their self-worth?

Or do you think they take those problems for what they are and not let them turn into other self-esteem issues?

When you have problems in your dating life, you definitely need to do some deep thinking about what went wrong and how you may have contributed to those problems.

But, the last thing you need to start thinking is, “Am I not pretty enough? Skinny enough? Entertaining enough?”

You can’t let a man make you feel badly about those fundamental things about yourself. You felt beautiful when you first started dating him, right? So, why should you not feel beautiful when you stop dating him?

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His Games Shouldn’t Affect Your Self-Worth

Just because a man has chosen to play games with your heart or lead you on, doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great woman! A man’s issues shouldn’t lead you to have more issues of your own.

Take responsibility for the problems you caused or enabled in your relationships, but NEVER EVER think that you are any less of the smart, beautiful, caring woman that you were when he met you.

Your self-confidence should never be a reflection of how men feel about you!

Even if he cheats on you, you can’t start convincing yourself that you aren’t pretty.

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Maintain Your Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is just that, SELF–esteem. It’s YOU that determines it, not a man and certainly not the world.

You have to know your worth and maintain your self-confidence no matter what you go through with men.

Now, I know it’s much easier to say don’t let men’s bad behavior affect your self-esteem than actually living it.

But, the truth is, you’re giving men way too much control over your emotional well-being and self-esteem by letting them dictate your level of self-confidence.

No matter what you go through in this world, know your worth and NEVER FORGET IT!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee!

Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband!

Posted on April 19, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.

Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.

Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!

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Playing Wife Is A Temporary Comfort

While “playing house” and “playing wife” may make you feel happier about your relationship because you exhibit that close, committed relationship held by a husband and wife, you don’t have the comfort and security that a marriage provides.

While you’re doing so much for your boyfriend to the point that you resemble the role his wife would take on, you’ll be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly a man can leave the relationship without batting an eye.

And, after the relationship ends, will you not sit there thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done all that for him!” Or, “I cant believe he left me after everything I’ve done and given up for him!”

While these are legitimate questions, the real questions you need to ask yourself are, “Why did I treat this man like my husband?” “Why did I do so much for a man that wasn’t married to me?”

Instead of being the devoted wife in your next relationship, just be the girlfriend. And, know that this route will get you a ring quicker than if you act like there’s already a ring on your finger.

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The Benefits of Marriage Don’t Apply to Relationships

The root of some of your problems in dating may be the fact that you are going above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend.

The truth is, if a man wants ALL of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it.

While many men will propose to women who treated them like husbands from day one, it will take you a lot longer to get a ring out of a man if you’re giving him all the benefits of a marriage without any of the accompanying obligations and commitments.

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Why Marry The Woman When You Can Get The Wife For Free?

Do you remember that old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

Well, it’s true! This applies to dating and not just sex. What will inspire or encourage a man to marry you if he already has all the perks of marriage without any of it’s other obligations or “hassles?”

If a man wants more than plain old boyfriend treatment, he’s going to have to earn it and he needs to ask you to be his wife!

Think about it though, how are you going to feel if you treat your beau like he’s your husband and he breaks up with you or leaves you for another woman? Will you not regret doing too much for him?

Don’t get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should! At the end of the day, the only person who ever regrets doing this is the woman, not the man!

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What Is Treating Your Boyfriend Like A Husband?

Well, there are many things that women do that reflects the role of a wife.

But, to give you an idea, it can include anything from playing house and regularly cleaning his place or doing his laundry to passing up great opportunities for the relationship.

The most significant aspect I’ve noticed women catering to men as husbands would be in their careers. For example, you could get a great job offer in another state, but choose to pass up on the opportunity to stay with your boyfriend.

I’ve seen too many women pass up on great career or business opportunities for men that had no intention of marrying them, let alone being together long-term.

As women, we can’t make decisions based on our boyfriend being in our lives and, if we do, it can really hold us back.

When it’s all said and done, no woman looks back and says, “You know, I’m glad I passed up that opportunity for him!” So, if you’re not married, you need to make decisions with only your own best interest at heart.

If a man is going to make a career or business decision, he does it, and without thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my girlfriend will be okay with this.” No, men do what they know is best for themselves and it’s time that women did the same!

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Until You’re Engaged, His Opinion Doesn’t Matter

If he’s not your husband, your opinion is the only one that matters.

I say this because 2-3 years down the line when you’re not with him, you too will think his opinion doesn’t matter. If he’s not going to be a part of your life permanently, then why would you make decisions based on him? Especially decisions that will have a lasting effect on your life.

If your boyfriend wants you to consider him when you’re making big decisions about your life, he needs to show you that he will always be a part of that life. And, he does this by asking you to marry him!

Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally. Don’t force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he doesn’t want to play husband, you definitely shouldn’t play wife!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Stop Being The Victim!

Posted on March 29, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Ladies, we have to stop being the victim and take control of our dating lives!

Many times I hear women say, “ALL men are dogs” or “ALL men cheat.” But, the truth of the matter is ALL men AREN’T dogs and ALL men DON’T cheat.

Stop Blaming Men

You’re perception of what ALL men are is a by-product of who you have been choosing to date your whole life.

So, if you always pick the bad boy types who break your heart, of course you’ll always think ALL men are dogs, but that’s not actually the case. ALL the men YOU date are dogs!

Instead of thinking that all men are dogs that will hurt you, you need to be thinking that you aren’t going to let anymore dogs get close enough to hurt you.

Its about taking your power back and knowing that your circumstances and the outcomes of your relationships are largely due to the men you choose to date and let into your heart.

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Take Responsibility For Your Choices

We can’t blame all our problems in relationships on men. We have to take ownership of our part, which is getting into a relationship with a man we’d be unhappy with.

It’s time to take responsibility for the choices you have made in dating men and in accepting their bad behavior. Once you take responsibility for your part in the heartache, you can actually take steps towards changing how and who you pick to spend your time with and, ultimately, give your heart to.

You choose who you date, it should never be the other way around. A man shouldn’t be able to decide by himself that you are both in a relationship together.

Two people make the decision to enter a relationship, so, take ownership of your choices. If you continue to choose the same kind of man to date, you can’t expect different results in your relationships. Therefore, man bashing is definitely not the answer!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Red Flags

Red flags are called red flags for a reason, they alert you that there is a problem, that something is not right. A red flag let’s you know that there is more going on than a man is willing to tell you.

Red flags are precious gifts to women! These are your signs that tell you whether this man is right for you. Red flags tell you more about someone and it’s your job to determine if that person deserves a place in your life.

You need to be able to spot red flags and make note of them because once a man has shown significant red flags, you have to evaluate whether continuing to date this person will make you happy.

When you learn to spot and access red flags, you’ll see that you’ll cut out a lot of unnecessary relationships that would have only caused you grief and heartache.

While you can continue to date men obliviously, you’d only be hurting yourself.

If you choose to ignore red flags and date any and every man freely, when you do get hurt, don’t start convincing yourself that “ALL men are dogs.” You don’t want this to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let me explain…

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Self-Fullfilling Prophecy

If you tell yourself and your friends that, “all men are dogs,” you’ll actually believe that every single man is a dog and feel that you have to settle down with one of these men that won’t treat you well. This allows you to continue dating dogs and, therefore, continue being hurt by them.

You have to understand the power of your words, telling yourself that all men are dogs will ultimately limit the amount of effort you put into finding a good man.

In fact, you won’t put any effort into finding a good man because in your eyes, he doesn’t exist. And, before you know it, you’ve settled for a man that doesn’t treat you with respect.

Don’t inadvertently let your dating goal be an unhappy marriage!

Start being more positive about dating and only speak positively! You’ll be amazed at how a little positivity can make you feel a whole world better about dating.

Victim Mentality

We are not victims!

The victim mentality is thinking that you have no control over getting hurt. Granted, we can’t control all hurt, but we can eliminate unnecessary heartache.

Remember, men only do to us what we allow them to. So, if men keep hurting you, then you need to do some serious introspection and figure out why you keep dating men that hurt you.

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Save Yourself For a Good Man

Just because you haven’t found a “good man” to date, doesn’t mean you should settle and get into a relationship with any man that’s willing to!

Until that next great relationship comes along, try to work on yourself and keep dating!!!

Save yourself for a good man. You’ll be happy you did!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Consistency and Dating – the Long Term Relationship Indicator

Posted on March 16, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Consistency in a man provides comfort while inconsistency inspires insecurity, fear, and anxiety over the relationship among other things.

Empowerment Coach Suzie

What makes relationships last? Why it’s consistency of course … you thought I would say love and affection didn’t you? Well, it’s those things too … along with friendship, respect. trust and attraction. But, I’d like to argue that consistency is the most important thing … it’s consistency in all those things … love, affection, attraction, friendship, respect, trust, etc etc. No one wants to ride a roller coaster ride of ups and downs in their relationship. They want to know that their partner is always there when they need them, especially in the hard times. So why is consistency and dating the long term relationship indicator? Because, well, I’ll tell you.

Choosing Your Partner Wisely

I’ve said many times before that forever has everything to do with your choice of partner, which is absolutely true. You need to choose wisely. Part of choosing wisely is knowing if this…

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You Attract What You Put Out There!

Posted on March 15, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ladies, how many times have you been hit on by a man in public and thought to yourself, “I can’t believe this unkempt sweatpants-wearing man has the nerve to hit on me!!”

Have you been approached by men in a wife beater and sweatpants and wondered why he thought he could get your phone number?

We’ve all been here before. But, the most important question is, what am I doing, wearing, or putting out there to attract these kind of men?

Always remember, you attract what you put out there!

You Attract What You Reflect

If you leave your house in sweatpants and a wife beater, don’t be mad when a man in sweats and a wife beater hits on YOU!

You can’t expect that you’ll attract a businessman in a suit when you’re wearing sweatpants.

The next time you’re picking an outfit to wear out, whether for a date or otherwise, ask yourself, “would the type of man I want to date go for a woman dressed like this?”

If you wear clothes that show a lot of breasts and skin, you will definitely get attention from men, but it won’t be the kind of attention that you want.

Most men will go after a woman that is dressed like she’s “easy,” however, he’s going after her for sex and nothing more. He won’t be interested in developing a long term relationship with someone he only sees as a late night creep option.

Image courtesy of Patrisyu/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Skin Rule

When getting dressed, always remember that you can only show ONE of the following, if any:

1. Cleavage

2. Midriff

3. Legs

4. Back

Avoid Being Labeled “Just Sex”

You can only show off one of these assets at a time if you are going to show off anything at all. If you show both breasts and legs, for example, you will come off as extremely “sexified.”

Even if you think you’ve shown more than one area of skin tastefully, rethink your choices because you’re probably still attracting negative male attention.

On the first few dates, be more on the conservative side in your dress. Better that he think you’re more reserved than you really are than to think you’re just good for sex.

At the end of the day, there’s NO BOUNCING BACK once a man places you in the “just sex” category. Once a man labels you as a sex object, that’s all you’ll ever be!

Yes, there are exceptions to the rule that once a man see’s you as sex, that’s all you’ll ever be. But, exceptions are rare and we can’t all be exceptions to the rule! 😉

Get The Respect You Deserve

Many men already think that women are just sex objects to be used and discarded, so this means that we have to try even harder to not get labeled as such.

While some men may never respect women, there are plenty of men that will show you the respect you deserve, as long as you are showing yourself that same respect FIRST!

Start dressing for what you want the universe to bring you. The clothes that you wear say a lot about who you are! Control the image and perception you are putting out there about yourself.

Be cognizant and aware of the outfits that you are choosing to wear and how you are carrying yourself. Whether you’re going to work, a date, or out with friends, you need to pick your attire cautiously.

If you want to continue dressing freely, that’s fine, but don’t be upset when you get a lot of unwanted attention from sleazy men!

Image courtesy of Anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Does Your Wardrobe Say About You?

It’s honestly true that you attract what you reflect. At the same time, if you have serious self-esteem issues and they come out in the way you dress and the way you carry yourself, men WILL notice this!!

Actually, men easily pick up on the fact that a woman is insecure or lacks self-confidence.

So, if you walk down the street with your shoulders hunched over and your head hanging low, you could give off a vibe that says, “Hey! I have no self-esteem or confidence so any men who want to take advantage of me or control me are welcome!”

Don’t get me wrong, every once in a while you will still have some unwanted stragglers hit on you, but there won’t be nearly as many when you’re dressing appropriately and carrying yourself respectfully.

Start Being Mindful Of How You Carry Yourself

Don’t wear clothes that you are uncomfortable in. When you wear clothes you aren’t comfortable in, you fidget and constantly adjust your clothes. Doing this actually draws more attention to the areas that you’re insecure about.

The truth is, when you aren’t comfortable in your clothes, you can’t be confident in what you do whether it’s being on a date, in the boardroom, or even in front of a camera.

Don’t let your clothes take away your self-confidence!

If you’re constantly focused on adjusting your clothes or how you’re sitting, you can’t be focused on the conversation you’re having. You won’t be “in the moment.”

This isn’t a good thing. People can tell when you’re not giving them your full attention and that’s not an exciting conversation to be in.

Being Comfortable Empowers You!

Honestly, when you’re comfortable, you can be yourself and you can enjoy the company you’re with or the activity you’re doing.

Being comfortable equals being confident. But, being uncomfortable can bring out several bad traits such as pessimism, unwillingness to participate in certain activities, and many other negative attributes.

You’ll EMPOWER YOURSELF by being comfortable! So, wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and in control!

Let a man get to know you for who you really are and not for your insecurities.

If you’ve gained weight and you’re reluctant to buy clothes one or two sizes bigger, you’re really only doing yourself a disservice because while you’re pulling your shirt down and pulling your pants up, you’re letting someone know that your insecure and unhappy with yourself.

But, I want to hear your thoughts on this topic! Leave your thoughts and comments below!! Thanks for reading!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee!

8 Acts Of Chivalry To Bring Back

Posted on March 4, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Finally, a man concerned about bringing chivalry back!! Support the New Chivalry Movement!!!

James Michael Sama

The more women I talk to, the more I realize that the gentleman is a rare breed. The mission of the New Chivalry Movement is to bring men (and women) together who strive to be the best versions of themselves and love and respect those around them.

As the gentleman has become less prominent, so have the respectful acts that define him.

Here are 8 acts of chivalry we often overlook and should work to bring back.

Giving up your seat.

Whether on a bus or on a crowded subway, giving up your seat to another is a rare but great sign of respect. I always cringe a bit when I see a woman or elderly person forced to stand while young men remain distracted by their phones. It all comes down to being aware of your surroundings and acting accordingly.

Only one in seven men will offer their seat…

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Snooping: Who Really Wins?

Posted on February 16, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

This is a must read post from “Sarah on the Go.” One point in this post that really stuck out to me was, “Maybe when we find ourselves needing to know more, we should just know to move on.”

While I do agree with this, it’s imperative that you make a serious evaluation before deciding to leave your partner without solid or tangible proof of cheating.

What evaluation you ask? Well, before you decide to move on you need to be able to decipher and know the difference between general insecurity or jealousy and significant red flags that a woman should be genuinely concerned about.

If it’s just general insecurity making you want to snoop, then it’s time to do some much needed introspection and attack the real root of your insecurity.

However, if your insecurity stems from your partner’s actions that raise serious red flags, then this may not be a relationship that you should continue.

Check out this post from “Sarah on the Go:” Snooping: Who Really Wins?

Emotionally Unavailable? Should You Be Dating?

Posted on February 13, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

This is a great post by the Single Dating Diva! She addressed whether you should still date if you are emotionally unavailable.

I believe that you should still date when you are emotionally unavailable, in fact, I think it’s a great idea to continue dating! This is so that you can take note of any bad habits or negative attitudes you have developed as a result of your traumatic experiences or emotional unavailability.

By knowing and understanding your behavior and where it stems from you can work on changing or downplaying those behaviors in the future.

I think it’s easy to pick up and ingrain negative habits and attitudes as a result of the bad experiences we have gone through. Unfortunately, some of these bad habits will stick with us long after the heartache is gone. So, we definitely have to be cognizant of ourselves in this respect.

Our dates shouldn’t be more aware of our negative behaviors than ourselves. In order to change, in order to be better, we first have to know what the problem is. We have to know what is holding us back.

This is a great post, check out the Single Dating Diva’s Blog for the full post!!

Empowerment Coach Suzie

There are so many things to consider when you’re meeting someone new. You have to determine if you’re attracted to them, decipher if you have a connection with them, gauge your overall interest in them … but there’s one thing you can’t tell, not right away at least, you can’t tell if they’re emotionally available. This could be related to, but not exactly the same as, baggage. Being emotionally available is being open and ready to enter into a relationship with someone. Emotional availability can help or hinder a prospective relationship. It’s a component of the glue, if you will, that holds things together. How? Well, let me explain.

Emotional Availability – A Definition

I recently came across this article called How to Spot Emotional Unavailability and the author spoke about the ways you can determine whether or not someone is emotionally unavailable and I completely agree and wanted…

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Love doesn’t hurt

Posted on February 8, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

No relationship is perfect and every relationship needs work, but real love does not equal pain and suffering.

The Pink Elephant Room

I’ve been single and dating for about 35 years. I cannot begin to count the number of hours I’ve spent first revisiting each thrilling moment with whomever was my newest love interest and then, soon enough, miserably dissecting the meaning behind his every word and action looking for a clue about how he felt and where our relationship was going.

For me, the first flush of “love” was so heady, a giggle in my tummy, a big, old endorphin rush, brain-soaking-in-chemicals, walking-on-air high. I would be obsessed and infatuated and fully charged. The feeling was deliciously addictive and it was easy to want to fall in “love” with that mysterious, smouldering stranger or smiling sweetie who made me feel soooooo good.

But here’s the trouble with highs and addictions – they have a dark side. The high doesn’t last forever. Eventually I’d crash. I’d hurt. I’d be confused, needy, exposed…

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Entry 2: Phone Etiquette Pt. 1- Calling

Posted on January 5, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Your behavior in the first stages of dating, specifically your phone etiquette, is especially important because it allows people to learn more about you without you having to say it yourself. Be careful, because the person you are calling may be learning more about you than you really want them to know.

Calling someone too much can make you look needy, desperate, or dependent. Calling a man out of boredom, insecurity, or neediness is ESPECIALLY bad if you really don’t have anything to say. And trust me, men can tell when you have absolutely nothing to say and are just calling to call.

Let the man take the lead with calling you so that you can actually see his true level of interest in you. Maybe he’ll only call you Saturday nights at midnight, I don’t know. But, if you don’t let him show you, you’ll never know either.

Check out my podcast to hear the full conversation on this topic. You can access my podcast at http://www.deesdatingdiary.podomatic.com or you can download this episode right here: Download episode.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till next time,

Dee

Welcome to Dee’s Dating Diary!

Posted on December 29, 2013 by Dee's Dating Diary

Dee’s Dating Diary is a place where women can share their experiences, both bad and good, with dating, love, and life in general. Our experiences as women define the people we are and we can’t let our negative experiences in … Continue reading →