5 Red Flags Men Need To Watch For

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

While I normally address red flags that women should be watchful for with men, I want to focus on 5 red flags that men need to watch for with women.

Although some men are great at identifying red flags that tell you a woman may not be good relationship material, some men don’t readily notice these clues.

So, here are 5 Red Flags That Men Need To Watch For:

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1. She Talks About The Future Too Soon

Talking about “the future” too soon is definitely a red flag that you need to pay attention to. This is a sign that she may try to force the progression of your relationship.

Listen carefully when your date is speaking. If she uses the word “we” a lot, then you have a good idea of what you may be getting yourself into by continuing to date this woman.

If a woman is making plans for the both of you and it’s only your second date, you can’t act surprised when soon after she’s trying to pressure you into a relationship and then marriage!

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2. She’s Needy, Clingy, or Desperate

It’s never a good idea to date a needy or clingy woman. Clinginess is a sign that a woman will have dependency issues in the relationship.

Dating a woman that is completely dependent on you is detrimental to having a healthy relationship.

A needy woman requires A LOT of attention and pacifying. She can’t be alone and she’ll want to spend all of her time with you, which could make you feel suffocated by her attention.

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3. She Talks About Her Ex

Talking about exes on the first few dates is a HUGE red flag! If she’s talking about her ex-boyfriend on a date with you, face it, she’s NOT over him.

You don’t want to have to deal with the emotional baggage she’s carrying from her last relationship.

Some women don’t take the necessary time to deal with issues from their previous relationship and actually HEAL before getting back into the dating world.

If you don’t want to deal with a woman’s issues that another man caused, then steer clear of the woman who can’t help but talk about her ex!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

4. She’s Jealous Or Snoops

If your date makes a reference to you being a player type or suggests that you must date many women, and you’re not, this is a red flag that she may be the jealous type.

You don’t want to date a woman who is jealous for no reason because this will play out in your relationship if you decide to date her exclusively.

With a jealous woman, she may accuse you of cheating or even snoop through your phone or other things. Dating a jealous woman is not conducive to having a happy or healthy relationship.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5. She’s Insecure or Lacks Self-Confidence

If a woman is very insecure and lacks self-confidence, this is a sign that you will have to put A LOT of effort into dating this woman.

This is because an insecure woman requires a lot of emotional work and, therefore, a lot of emotional support from you.

While it may seem admirable to take this relationship on and try to help your girlfriend work through her self-worth issues, true change can only come from her.

There’s nothing you can do to make her secure about herself. It’s called “SELF-” worth and “SELF-” confidence for a reason, it has to come from her, NOT you!

Any Thoughts?

What are your experiences with dealing with these kinds of red flags? I’d love to hear your stories and perspectives, so please leave a comment below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Are We Learning or Barely Discerning?: Serial Relationships

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You’re not necessarily supposed to be in a relationship for every year of your adult life. Yet, you’ll often find women who are envious of their friends with serial relationships.

You know the women I’m talking about, the ones who are never single for more than a few weeks at a time, the ones who jump from one relationship to the very next without even batting an eye. They’ve always had serial relationships.

But, these are not women to be jealous or envious of.

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Many Relationships Should You Have?

If you’re wondering how many relationships you’re supposed to have, realize that there is no magic number that’s going to bring you any closer to your “Mr. Right.”

Your chances of meeting the right man and getting married is not dependent upon the number of relationships that you’ve had in your life.

At the end of the day, what’s truly important is your ability to learn from your past relationships in order to recognize and change those things that prevent you from attracting quality men and healthy relationships.

If you jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to think about the choices you made or bad behavior you accepted, you’ll continue to have bad relationship after bad relationship and you’ll face the same issues each time if not worse.

 

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Inhibiting Self-Awareness & Change

Some women won’t leave a bad relationship until there’s another man to latch onto and this isn’t healthy at all. In doing this, you avoid facing and addressing serious issues you have with yourself and your relationships.

Going from relationship to relationship, doesn’t give yourself enough time to heal, learn, and grow from that experience. But, why is this important?

It’s important because you’ll never learn the lessons you’re supposed to from your past relationships with men. It’s important because you’ll continue to choose the wrong kind of men and make the same mistakes over and over.

Serial relationships don’t enable you to do the deep soul-searching that needs to be done to figure out why you chose to date your ex, what mistakes you made, and what changes need to be made in your dating life.

Be accountable, be knowledgable of your actions and yourself, take the time to reflect on your relationship and heal before you look to getting into another one!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Are You Envying A Healthy Relationship?

Some women are jealous of another woman’s serial relationships, not because those relationships are healthy or have a great dynamic, but simply because they just want a boyfriend too.

Most of the time, when women are envious of their friends with serial relationships, those relationships are usually unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be envied at all.

The truth is, you should never envy another person’s relationship. The old saying is certainly true, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.”

Unfortunately, many women are more than happy to put up fake fronts about how great their relationship is, even if she’s miserable in it.

Therefore, you should never get caught up wanting what someone else has. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors.

Don’t Entertain Self-Doubt

When you have a friend that easily finds her next relationship, it may make you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t able to do the same.

But, you aren’t inadequate or lacking in any way simply because you haven’t had as many relationships as your friends or because you’ve been single for awhile.

Don’t be jealous or envious of your friends that always have a man. Focus on growing as a person and taking much needed lessons from your past relationships and dealings with men so your next relationship will be a better and healthier one!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

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Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This week, I wanted to address a very common red flag that most younger women tend to overlook.

How many times have you had plans with a man just for him to be a “no call, no show?”

You made plans the day before or even days in advance, but when the time comes to see each other he’s not picking up his phone. And, he’s definitely not calling back.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Does “Falling Asleep” On You Mean?

If a man stands you up and tells you the next day that he “fell asleep,” trust me, HE’S LYING!

The harsh reality is that he’s not into you at all! Men don’t fall asleep when they have plans with a woman.

Most likely, he found something better to do, maybe with another woman, or he wasn’t even in the mood to talk to you or deal with you at all.

It’s sad that some men don’t even have enough respect for a woman to call her and cancel their plans. The truth is, he shouldn’t have made plans with you in the first place.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This Won’t Be The Last Time

One thing that I can guarantee you though, if a man tells you that he fell asleep when you had plans, this won’t be the last time that he’s a “no call, no show.”

The only difference will be that each time he “disappears” on you like this, he’s excuses will get bigger and bigger.

It could go from “falling asleep” to “losing his phone” to “being sick in the hospital.”

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Do You Handle It?

When the guy you had plans with doesn’t call you or return your call, either you start worrying about his well-being OR you get pissed!

Pissed that he’s standing you up. Pissed that he doesn’t have the decency to call or cancel the date. Pissed that he put you through this (and you got all cute and everything too)!

Now, some women in this position will call the man once or twice while others will blow up his phone all night and probably leave a few voicemails or texts cursing him out.

All of that is unnecessary though! When a man stands you up, the last thing you need to do is worry about his well-being, blow up his phone, or waste your energy cursing him out!

Image courtesy of PhotoStock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of PhotoStock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Did You Push For The Date?

Interestingly enough though, women usually encounter these situations when they are the ones pursuing the man. Think about it.

If this has ever happened to you, were you the one that pushed the topic of getting together? Did he actually say he wanted to do something with you or did he just agree to your suggestion to meet?

It’s important not to chase men into relationships. You may get some attention from your efforts, but it may not be lasting.

Let a man go after you so that you don’t force yourself on someone that just isn’t that into you.

The next time a man “falls asleep” on you, drop him like a hot potato and never look back!!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

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Who Comes First in a Relationship?

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Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many times when women are in a relationship, they put their boyfriends before themselves. They do what’s in their beaux’s best interest, but not their own.

Unless you’re engaged or married, you have to put yourself first!

Image courtesy of Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Lost Opportunities

In a relationship, you’re still two separate people with separate lives. While you try to be a part of each other’s lives, what’s in each person’s best interest may be very different.

For example, you may get a great job offer that could take your career to the next level.

However, because they job is in a different city or state, you may pass up on the opportunity in order to stay closer to your man.

While his best interest is for you to stay, your best interest is to leave and take the job. You’re best interest should take priority over his.

The truth is, you have to continue to pursue your dreams or what’s best for your career while you’re in a relationship. If you don’t, you’ll eventually regret these missed opportunities.

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Will He Move With You?

If a man loves you and feels strongly enough about you, he will follow you wherever you go. If he doesn’t, then he won’t.

Now, there is an exception to this rule. If his career has no mobility or there isn’t a demand for his expertise in the new city, then moving may mean career suicide for him.

Perhaps his career is client-based and moving would mean starting over or changing careers altogether. This is definitely something that also has to be taken into consideration.

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Stay True To Yourself

Unless there’s a ring on your finger, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to plan and live your life around a man.

It’s very important that you don’t lose sight of yourself while you’re in a relationship.

Always follow your dreams and do what’s in your best interest so that, at the end of the day, you won’t have to live with any regret over lost opportunities.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary

For more great dating advice and must-read articles, follow Dee’s Dating Diary on Facebook and Twitter!

Follow Me On Facebook Here: Dee’s Dating Diary

Follow Me  On Twitter Here: @DeesDatingDiary

Dating Down

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In this day and age, it’s quite unfortunate that you see so many women “dating down.”

But, what is dating down, you ask?

Dating down is when you date men that aren’t good for you or worthy of you.

Image courtesy of Nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Common Types of “Dating Down”

If you’re dating a man that doesn’t respect and cherish you and the value that you bring to the relationship, and instead, puts you down, cheats on you, abuses you or controls your every movement, then you’re dating down.

Do you have to fight for attention? Ask your man to call you? Or remind him that you exist?? You’re dating down.

Are you an ambitious, driven, well-educated woman dating a man who isn’t ambitious or driven to, for example, learn a trade/skill, pursue entrepreneurial endeavors, or pursue a higher education? Well, you’re dating down.

Are you supporting a man that isn’t self sufficient? Whether he’s “borrowing” your money or your car, face it, you’re dating down!

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Problems With Dating Down

When you date down, you open yourself up to significant problems that you shouldn’t have to deal with.

These relationships negatively affect your self-esteem. You’ll probably start to think that this is what you deserve. That you’ll never find better.

You’ll eventually downplay your self-worth and, consequently, your self-confidence will dwindle as well.

When you’re treated poorly or stay in the wrong relationship, you’ll get desensitized to those things that you shouldn’t have to accept.

The chances of your next relationship being healthier or better is slim because you’ve gotten used to accepting less than what you need and deserve from a relationship. This easily turns into a cycle.

You may even falsely believe that it’s better to have this man than no man at all.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ready For Change?

Dating down can lead you to resenting the man you’re dating because he’s not who you want him to be. But, truthfully, you can only blame yourself for choosing to date a man that wasn’t right for you in the first place.

If you’ve been dating down, you owe it to yourself to let that relationship go in order to attract a man who actually deserves you. A man who appreciates your worth, a man you don’t have to financially support, a man who has ambition.

Give yourself a chance to attract a man that is on your level. Someone who is self sufficient and can pay his own bills and maintain his own car.

You’ll never have a better relationship as long as you stay in the wrong one. So free yourself now, as hard as it may be, so that you can have true happiness in the future.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

He Can’t Complete You!

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many women feel they need a man to “complete” them. They’ll say a man is their “better half” or “he completes me.”

But, the truth is, a man can’t complete you. Only you can complete you! Two halves won’t actually make a whole, so you need to feel whole with or without a man.

It’s unfair to yourself to base your completeness and happiness on whether you’re in a relationship.

And, if you do, you’ll be miserable when you’re single and possibly desperate for any man who will show you attention.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What’s The Root of the Issue?

To say that a man completes you, is to say that you have some void in your life without a man.

You have to be complete on your own before entering a relationship or this could cause other serious issues with your boyfriend.

Ultimately, dependency issues may be at the root of needing a man to “complete” you. Are you clingy or needy in your relationships?

You may find yourself not wanting to do any activities without your boyfriend. Or, maybe you don’t want him to do any activities without you.

Either way, falling victim to this “he completes me” mentality may lead you to becoming unhealthily dependent on your boyfriend and relationship.

It’s time to start evaluating yourself. You need to figure out why you think you need a man to complete you.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Self-Actualization

If you say that a man completes you, then you’re incomplete when he’s gone. What are you when your “better half” leaves?

Why aren’t you a complete person without a man?

Honestly think about these questions so that you can help yourself come to terms with the fact that you’re an amazing woman who doesn’t need any person to complete you!

You are and always will be a whole person. You were born as a complete woman and to allow yourself to think otherwise is absurd.

A man is meant to complement who you are, NOT complete you! Remember that!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Choose Your Battles Wisely!

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.

There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.

For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Urge To Push

Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.

The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Effect of Constantly “Nagging”

Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.

Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.

While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.

If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Focus On One Issue 

Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.

If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”

But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.

You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.

Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.

Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Positive Reinforcement

After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.

Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.

Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.

You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.

Conclusion

Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.

So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.

You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee