5 Reasons Why You Should Date When You Don’t Want To

Posted on June 27, 2015 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating can come with a lot of ups and downs. On some dates you don’t make a connection and on dates where you thought you made a great connection, nothing materializes from it. Dating is definitely not easy and many times it is a bit of a numbers game.

Unfortunately, you’re not going to start a great relationship from every date you go on, but you can’t get discouraged and give up on dating altogether. You have to keep putting yourself out there and trying even when you don’t want to. Why is that, you ask? Well, here are 5 reasons why you should date even when you don’t want to:

1. You Need To Know What Your Dating Flaws Are

Continuing to date when you don’t want to allows you to see what problems you might have in dating. Maybe you act a bit needy or come on too strong. Maybe you talk about the future too soon or dive into subjects you should avoid on first dates.

You have to continue dating to see what behaviors or things you are doing that are holding you back in your dating life.

2. Practice Makes Perfect

We all have things we need to work on in our dating lives and relationships, but if you don’t date you won’t be able to fix or correct those dating problems.

It takes practicing doing the right things to eliminate those bad behaviors. You can’t think that you’re going to stay out of the dating scene, meet the perfect man, and be able to act the way you should.

We all know that it’s hardest to play it right with a man that we’re really interested in. So, it’s going to take practice to get yourself to stop those bad habits that sabotage your dating life.

3. You Need To Keep Up With Dating Norms

Just like there are social norms that we all live by, there are also dating norms that people follow. What a society’s dating norms are often change and when you avoid dating you keep yourself out of the information loop.

By not dating, you won’t know what dating norms or dating etiquette has changed. For example, today, it’s pretty common for men to send a “good morning” text now. However, some men send these texts to almost every woman in their phone. So, it’s going to take more than a simple good morning text for you to know whether a man is really thinking about you or interested in you.

But, if you never date and then meet a man who starts sending you good morning texts everyday, you may put more emphasis or importance on the fact that he sends you these texts instead of taking those morning texts with a grain of salt.

4. You Don’t Want To Be Rusty

This may come as a surprise, but you actually do get rusty when you haven’t dated for a while. Not only can your flirting skills get rusty, but you could forget the most important thing about going on dates, which is making a connection with your date and having a great time together!

Some women who avoid the dating scene for extended periods of time return to dating and treat their dates like interviews for prospective husbands. When you haven’t been actively dating, it’s easy to forget that you’re supposed to have fun on dates and not just size a man up for marriage.

5. You Give Yourself A Chance To Meet The Right Man

As much as we want to decide when we find a boyfriend and when we get married, you really never know when you’re going to meet the right man.

Know that when you avoid dating, you’re also avoiding the possibility of meeting a great man and having a great relationship. If you want to meet a great guy, if you want to have a great relationship, you actually have to date to find this person!

The truth is, women often complain about not having a boyfriend or meeting Mr. Right, but they don’t put any effort into meeting new men or they unnecessarily turn down dates with men that could be a good match.

Whatever it is that’s preventing you from dating, remember that you have to date even when you don’t want to!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Never Give Up Hope!

Posted on August 23, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Marcolm/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

With failed date after failed date, it’s easy to get discouraged about your chances of success in dating. Even a lack of a dating life can make a woman feel like finding her match may be hopeless.

Too often, I hear women speak negatively about their chances of finding a good man. They say all men cheat, all men are inconsiderate, or all men are dogs.

These negative statements about men and dating actually hurt your chances of finding a great relationship.

Think about it this way, if you say there are no good men out there, you will allow yourself to settle for a man who isn’t good. Why? Because you believe good men don’t exist!

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Increase Your Chances of Attracting A Great Relationship
If you want to increase your chances of attracting a great relationship, you have to first believe that it CAN happen. Your negativity about dating only hurts yourself.

While I understand how numerous encounters with crappy guys can change your perspective about the prevalence of quality men in the world, this is actually the worst thing you can let yourself do.

When you have negative thoughts and beliefs about dating, you better believe that these feelings can come out in your dates with men. Your choice of words, body language, and actions can tell a date exactly how you feel.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Stop The Negativity
So, it’s really important not to let your negativity about dating spill over into your dates. And, how do you do this? By stopping the negativity all together!

No matter what you’ve been through in your relationships, online dating, or the dating world in general, stay positive about dating so you can bring about positive results in your own dating life!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

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Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

Posted on June 14, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This week, I wanted to address a very common red flag that most younger women tend to overlook.

How many times have you had plans with a man just for him to be a “no call, no show?”

You made plans the day before or even days in advance, but when the time comes to see each other he’s not picking up his phone. And, he’s definitely not calling back.

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What Does “Falling Asleep” On You Mean?

If a man stands you up and tells you the next day that he “fell asleep,” trust me, HE’S LYING!

The harsh reality is that he’s not into you at all! Men don’t fall asleep when they have plans with a woman.

Most likely, he found something better to do, maybe with another woman, or he wasn’t even in the mood to talk to you or deal with you at all.

It’s sad that some men don’t even have enough respect for a woman to call her and cancel their plans. The truth is, he shouldn’t have made plans with you in the first place.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This Won’t Be The Last Time

One thing that I can guarantee you though, if a man tells you that he fell asleep when you had plans, this won’t be the last time that he’s a “no call, no show.”

The only difference will be that each time he “disappears” on you like this, he’s excuses will get bigger and bigger.

It could go from “falling asleep” to “losing his phone” to “being sick in the hospital.”

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How Do You Handle It?

When the guy you had plans with doesn’t call you or return your call, either you start worrying about his well-being OR you get pissed!

Pissed that he’s standing you up. Pissed that he doesn’t have the decency to call or cancel the date. Pissed that he put you through this (and you got all cute and everything too)!

Now, some women in this position will call the man once or twice while others will blow up his phone all night and probably leave a few voicemails or texts cursing him out.

All of that is unnecessary though! When a man stands you up, the last thing you need to do is worry about his well-being, blow up his phone, or waste your energy cursing him out!

Image courtesy of PhotoStock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Did You Push For The Date?

Interestingly enough though, women usually encounter these situations when they are the ones pursuing the man. Think about it.

If this has ever happened to you, were you the one that pushed the topic of getting together? Did he actually say he wanted to do something with you or did he just agree to your suggestion to meet?

It’s important not to chase men into relationships. You may get some attention from your efforts, but it may not be lasting.

Let a man go after you so that you don’t force yourself on someone that just isn’t that into you.

The next time a man “falls asleep” on you, drop him like a hot potato and never look back!!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

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One Thing That Kills A Potential Relationship is…

Posted on March 22, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Too Much Information Too Soon

Too Much Information Too Soon (“TMITS”) can quickly kill a potential relationship or budding romance! It’s actually a red flag for some people.

TMITS can easily scare a man off! Have you ever been standing in line somewhere and the person next to you tells you their whole life story?

Well, did you all of sudden feel really close and connected to that person, or did you feel weirded out and anxious for the line to speed up so you could get out of there?

Of course, in these situations you feel more uncomfortable than closer to a person. And, that’s what it’s like with dating too!

If you tell a man too much information too soon before he gets a chance to enjoy your fun, light-hearted side, you can freak him out and make him weary of getting closer to you and your readily apparent issues!

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Courtship Is A Process

Courtship and dating is really a process. You can’t rush the process by sharing too much information too soon in an effort to force a deeper connection than there really is.

You have to let things happen naturally and in its own time. Trying to speed up the process and rush a relationship really isn’t wise.

When someone gets to know you, it’s supposed to happen over time, not overnight.

When you first meet and start dating a man, it shouldn’t be about sharing all your hardships or trials and tribulations. It’s supposed to be about seeing if you can enjoy your time with this person and get along well.

Never have a negative dish session about yourself and don’t give too much information on dates 1-5, at least.

Leave the deeper and more touchy subjects for when you’ve at least been on several dates. Dates one through five need to be all about enjoying each other’s company and learning those superficial things first, for instance, siblings, hobbies, likes, etc.

Conversations You Shouldn’t Have On Dates 1-5

1. Insecurities/Self-Esteem Issues

2. Past Relationships

3. Marriage

4. Death of Loved Ones

5. Religion

6. Politics

7. Things You Hate/Despise (You don’t want to come off as Negative-Nancy! No one likes a downer!)

8. Other serious or uncomfortable topics

Keep It Light

Stick to light-hearted topics on the first few dates.

If someone gives you all of themselves right there on the first dates, it’s A LOT to swallow and you may make some bad judgment calls about the person and whether a relationship would work. And, this is because they’ve given you too much to get past.

You may perceive them as having more negative characteristics or traits than you would want your partner to have, but because the person gave you too much information too soon, it disillusioned you about this person as a whole.

Someone can have a normal amount faults, but because they wore them on their sleeves, they gave off the impression that they were all flaws and nothing more.

Let Him Start Liking You

You should let a man get to know your great, positive side and like that about you before you start telling him all the negative things about yourself.

No person or relationship is perfect, but it’s seeing the good in someone and loving them for who they are that allows you to look past certain flaws.

You have to let a person start liking you before you get into some touchy or negative areas about yourself. People are more likely to overlook and accept flaws once they like someone.

However, very few people will overlook flaws in someone they barely know. Instead, they’d rather find someone who they think doesn’t have many problems, if any. But, remember, many people are good about revealing things slowly over time, men certainly are! So, why lose out to someone else who is better at taking things slowly?

Don’t ex yourself out of the game!!

The benefit of revealing information about yourself slowly is that these things won’t likely be a deal breaker down the line since the person will have grown fond of you.

Exception to the Rule

Now, there are some situations when sharing too much information too soon won’t actually scare a man off, but this doesn’t mean that you should continue to share TMITS.

There’s a small, special breed of men that like women with issues or problems. This is because this man wants to take the woman under his wing, dominate her, fix her up, and make her into the woman he wants for himself.

These are the so-called “Svengali” types. With this kind of man, too much too soon might get you more attention than you thought.

However, it’s not positive attention. This man will never cherish you for who you are. Instead, he will constantly criticize you and tell you all the different things you need to change about yourself.

He doesn’t actually want YOU, he wants to mold you into a different person he will be happy with. And, in turn, you will never be happy in this relationship.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You Won’t Be Happy With A Svengali

Ya, sure, maybe in the beginning you’ll love all the extra attention and the clothes he buys for your new wardrobe, which fits the image he wants, of course.

But, after awhile of someone beating you down about who you are and trying to change everything about you, you’ll more so resent the man rather than feeling genuine love for him.

Eventually, you’ll fall out of love or fail to fall in love in the first place.

Even if you do allow a man to get to know you slowly over time, you still need to avoid a man who wants to “fix you up” and change everything about you.

You deserve a man that will appreciate and love you for the person that you are! If a man can’t, then he’s just not deserving of you!

Be Kind To Yourself And Others Will Too

If you’re kind to yourself, others will treat you the same. There’s always an exception to every rule, but for the most part, if you treat yourself with respect you’ll see that less people will disrespect you.

Treating yourself well and being kind to yourself also means not letting anyone else treat you poorly. Set standards for yourself and don’t change yourself into a different woman for a man, if it’s not change for the good.

I have to make a distinction between unnecessary changes a Svengali type would want you to make and necessary positive changes that promote a healthy relationship and a healthy you!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

You Attract What You Put Out There!

Posted on March 15, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ladies, how many times have you been hit on by a man in public and thought to yourself, “I can’t believe this unkempt sweatpants-wearing man has the nerve to hit on me!!”

Have you been approached by men in a wife beater and sweatpants and wondered why he thought he could get your phone number?

We’ve all been here before. But, the most important question is, what am I doing, wearing, or putting out there to attract these kind of men?

Always remember, you attract what you put out there!

You Attract What You Reflect

If you leave your house in sweatpants and a wife beater, don’t be mad when a man in sweats and a wife beater hits on YOU!

You can’t expect that you’ll attract a businessman in a suit when you’re wearing sweatpants.

The next time you’re picking an outfit to wear out, whether for a date or otherwise, ask yourself, “would the type of man I want to date go for a woman dressed like this?”

If you wear clothes that show a lot of breasts and skin, you will definitely get attention from men, but it won’t be the kind of attention that you want.

Most men will go after a woman that is dressed like she’s “easy,” however, he’s going after her for sex and nothing more. He won’t be interested in developing a long term relationship with someone he only sees as a late night creep option.

Image courtesy of Patrisyu/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Skin Rule

When getting dressed, always remember that you can only show ONE of the following, if any:

1. Cleavage

2. Midriff

3. Legs

4. Back

Avoid Being Labeled “Just Sex”

You can only show off one of these assets at a time if you are going to show off anything at all. If you show both breasts and legs, for example, you will come off as extremely “sexified.”

Even if you think you’ve shown more than one area of skin tastefully, rethink your choices because you’re probably still attracting negative male attention.

On the first few dates, be more on the conservative side in your dress. Better that he think you’re more reserved than you really are than to think you’re just good for sex.

At the end of the day, there’s NO BOUNCING BACK once a man places you in the “just sex” category. Once a man labels you as a sex object, that’s all you’ll ever be!

Yes, there are exceptions to the rule that once a man see’s you as sex, that’s all you’ll ever be. But, exceptions are rare and we can’t all be exceptions to the rule! 😉

Get The Respect You Deserve

Many men already think that women are just sex objects to be used and discarded, so this means that we have to try even harder to not get labeled as such.

While some men may never respect women, there are plenty of men that will show you the respect you deserve, as long as you are showing yourself that same respect FIRST!

Start dressing for what you want the universe to bring you. The clothes that you wear say a lot about who you are! Control the image and perception you are putting out there about yourself.

Be cognizant and aware of the outfits that you are choosing to wear and how you are carrying yourself. Whether you’re going to work, a date, or out with friends, you need to pick your attire cautiously.

If you want to continue dressing freely, that’s fine, but don’t be upset when you get a lot of unwanted attention from sleazy men!

Image courtesy of Anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Does Your Wardrobe Say About You?

It’s honestly true that you attract what you reflect. At the same time, if you have serious self-esteem issues and they come out in the way you dress and the way you carry yourself, men WILL notice this!!

Actually, men easily pick up on the fact that a woman is insecure or lacks self-confidence.

So, if you walk down the street with your shoulders hunched over and your head hanging low, you could give off a vibe that says, “Hey! I have no self-esteem or confidence so any men who want to take advantage of me or control me are welcome!”

Don’t get me wrong, every once in a while you will still have some unwanted stragglers hit on you, but there won’t be nearly as many when you’re dressing appropriately and carrying yourself respectfully.

Start Being Mindful Of How You Carry Yourself

Don’t wear clothes that you are uncomfortable in. When you wear clothes you aren’t comfortable in, you fidget and constantly adjust your clothes. Doing this actually draws more attention to the areas that you’re insecure about.

The truth is, when you aren’t comfortable in your clothes, you can’t be confident in what you do whether it’s being on a date, in the boardroom, or even in front of a camera.

Don’t let your clothes take away your self-confidence!

If you’re constantly focused on adjusting your clothes or how you’re sitting, you can’t be focused on the conversation you’re having. You won’t be “in the moment.”

This isn’t a good thing. People can tell when you’re not giving them your full attention and that’s not an exciting conversation to be in.

Being Comfortable Empowers You!

Honestly, when you’re comfortable, you can be yourself and you can enjoy the company you’re with or the activity you’re doing.

Being comfortable equals being confident. But, being uncomfortable can bring out several bad traits such as pessimism, unwillingness to participate in certain activities, and many other negative attributes.

You’ll EMPOWER YOURSELF by being comfortable! So, wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and in control!

Let a man get to know you for who you really are and not for your insecurities.

If you’ve gained weight and you’re reluctant to buy clothes one or two sizes bigger, you’re really only doing yourself a disservice because while you’re pulling your shirt down and pulling your pants up, you’re letting someone know that your insecure and unhappy with yourself.

But, I want to hear your thoughts on this topic! Leave your thoughts and comments below!! Thanks for reading!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee!

21 Pieces Of Relationship “Advice” You Should Always Ignore

Posted on January 31, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Plenty of these “tips” should be ignored!!! My favorite was “You can’t expect [insert act of basic human decency here] from men. They’re hopeless.”

This is hilarious! Why shouldn’t we expect basic human decency from men?? It’s time to stop cutting men so much slack that they can get away with having no human decency! Great post! Thanks for the laughs!

Access the full article here: 21 Pieces of Relationship Advice you Should Always Ignore

Focusing on the Process not the Dating Outcomes

Posted on January 29, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

It really is time to start slowing down the dating process and enjoying the ride instead of making it a long term examination that a man has to pass.

Empowerment Coach Suzie

Focusing on the Process NOT the Dating Outcomes

I don’t know about you, but often times I get caught up in the looking at the finish line that I don’t even notice anything else that’s going on around me. I’m like that a lot in everything I do, I just want to get to my goal as fast as I can. I’ve also noticed that in my personal life as well. I sometimes am so focused on the finish line, getting where I want to be that forget to stop and smell the roses and just “be” where I’m at. I’m not the only one. Most people are like that.

It took me a while to realize that. It was one of the main reasons that I married the wrong person way back when. I was so focused on being “the bride” and fitting into the “box” that I turned a blind eye to many red flags. The…

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Perfect Place to Meet Men!

Posted on January 21, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When talking about how to meet new men, I always think about this one story I heard growing up:

There’s this woman who REALLY wants a good man to come into her life!! So everyday she gets down on her knees and prays to God, “God, please bring a good man into my life!!”

But after months and years of praying she starts to feel like God DOESN’T want to answer her prayers. So she prays even harder, “God PLEASE bring a good man into my life, I’m a good person!! Why won’t you bring me a good man???”

And all of a sudden, God spoke to her and said, “How can I bring you a good man if you never leave your home???”

I don’t know why I always think of this story when the subject is how to meet men, but I do think the story makes a good point that, ultimately, you have to continue to put yourself out there.

Because once you give up on putting yourself out there, you’ve given up on that possibility of a good man coming into your life.

A great thing you could try to do to meet good men is to start volunteering. You’ll start to see that there are good men out there in this world.

Maybe you’ll find your next love while you’re getting sweaty building a house. And you might even snag a secret millionaire who loves to give back!!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee