Looking for more dating advice? Sign up for my monthly newsletter through my author website, www.YourDeeSimone.com — simply click, “Join My Mailing List.”
Yours Truly,
Category Archives: Red Flags
Are You Just His Dating Option?
In this short video, I’m sharing dating advice that EVERY woman needs to hear! Go ahead and click play!
Till Next Time,
3 Ways To Take Control Of Your Dating Life
In this dating advice video, I discuss 3 ways that women can start taking control of their dating lives today!
For the full scoop, get my book– Picking Up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
15 Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend
Today, it’s become harder and harder for some women to decipher their place in a man’s life. They aren’t sure how to define the relationship or don’t know if what they have is a relationship at all.
It’s not uncommon to see a woman give some guy months or even years of her attention just to learn down the line that he never wanted anything that was more than casual.
Communication Is Key
If you find yourself in an awkward space where you don’t know if you’re in a relationship or dating towards having a serious relationship, the best thing to do is to have an open, honest conversation with the person you’re dating to see if you’re on the same page as far as pursuing a relationship.
I think it’s important to note though, that some men will be very vague and obscure when having the “what are we” conversation. Some men don’t want to lose the great situationship they have with you, but also don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you either.
So, they will try to keep you in limbo for as long as possible so they can delay getting to the point of having to seriously commit to you or break things off.
Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend
If you’ve talked about your situationship, but feel like you didn’t get clarity or only feel more confused, consider the following signs to determine whether you might be your guy’s next serious girlfriend or just his late night creep:
1. He Never Spends More Than 3-4 Hours With You
2. He’s Always “Too Busy” To Make Real Plans With You
3. He Never Takes You Out In Public
4. He Only Hangs Out With You After 9pm
5. All You Do Is Netflix And Chill
6. He Says He Doesn’t Believe in Using Labels (until you see him calling someone else his fiancé a few years later)
7. He Doesn’t Let You Meet His Friends Or Family And Avoids Yours
8. He Pretends Like He’s Alone When Someone Calls Him And Asks What He’s Doing
9. He’s A Ghost When You’re On Your Period And Resurfaces When It’s Over
10. You Only Hear From Him Once or Twice A Week Or Only A Few Times A Month
11. He Rejected Your Facebook Friend Request
12. He Lies And Says He Doesn’t Have A Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat Account
13. He Won’t Commit To Any Future Plans With You (i.e. vacations, trips, weddings, events, etc.)
14. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For A Relationship
15. He Says He Likes The Situationship Just The Way It Is
If you discuss going out in public or becoming more than what you are now and your guy says he likes things just the way they are, he isn’t “ready” for a relationship, or doesn’t think you guys need to define what you are, you’re never going to be in a real relationship with this man and it’s best that you cut your losses and move on, if this isn’t what you want.
For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash
20 Questions You Should Never Ask A Woman On A First Date
When you meet someone you’re attracted to, there’s usually a natural desire to know more about that person. The problem is, some people have a difficult time understanding the difference between appropriate and inappropriate first date questions.
On the other hand, we can’t ignore the fact that some people knowingly ask offensive questions and just don’t care about whether their date feels comfortable or not.
Make Your Date Feel Comfortable
In order to improve our dating experiences, we need to make sure that we aren’t unnecessarily offending the person we are attracted to. Our dates should feel comfortable and at ease, not on guard waiting for the next insulting question.
You actually decrease your chance of making a great connection with a date when you ask them judgmental questions or questions that force your date to talk about something they aren’t ready to discuss with you.
So, to help your initial encounters with women, I want to share some questions that you should never let leave your lips. The following are 20 real life questions that men have asked women on or before a first date:
1. Why are you single?
2. Are you paying for the date?
3. How old are you?
4. Can I come back to your place or do you want to come back to mine?
5. Is that your real hair?
6. You’re not one of those crazy girls are you?
7. How much do you weigh?
8. Do you have daddy issues?
9. How much do you cost?
10. Do you want to go a to fancy restaurant? (Then takes you to Wendy’s)
11. Can you do a split?
12. What are you mixed with?
13. Can I borrow $1,000? (Or any amount of money)
14. Do you like your feet licked?
15. Are your breasts real?
16. What’s your bra size?
17. What are you cooking me for dinner?
18. How much do you make?
19. Have you cheated on your past boyfriends?
20. Do you know how to use those lips?
Some of these questions clearly indicate that you’re only interested in a casual encounter, i.e. sex. But if you’re genuinely interested in a woman and want to get to know her better these are not the kinds of questions you should ask early on.
Offending a woman on a first date is a sure-fire way to never get a second one so think wisely before asking very personal questions that may make a woman feel uncomfortable around you.
Want additional insight into women’s minds? Check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Barnes & Noble | Amazon
Till Next Time,
Dee
Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Help! He Got My Number Then Asked If I Could Have Kids!
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
After a few messages on an online dating website, I gave my number to this really good-looking man. He called me almost immediately and the conversation started off normal enough. However, barely ten minutes into our conversation he asks me, “can you have kids?”
I was so shocked I couldn’t even speak for a moment. After a few seconds I said, “Why would you ask me that??” He said that because he wants to have children he needs to make sure that the woman he dates can have kids.
I told him that it’s obvious from my young age that I can have kids, but that I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy from the question and would feel bad for the woman who has to answer “yes” and explain something very sensitive and personal to a perfect stranger. I said the question was inappropriate and something he shouldn’t ask a woman until he gets to know her well.
At this point, he got defensive and said I should only be offended if I couldn’t actually have kids, but since I can it shouldn’t be a big deal. He had completely turned me off and I was repulsed by him altogether. I eventually ended the conversation and I don’t plan on talking to him ever again. Am I wrong for writing him off?
Dear Dater,
Wow! What a horrible question to ask a woman during the first phone call. You shouldn’t have been subjected to this question so early on and this guy clearly lacks manners and common sense. Whether or not a woman can have kids is a very touchy subject and no woman should have to explain to a man she doesn’t know why she can’t have children.
Although this man says he wants kids and, therefore, needs to ensure he dates a woman who can have kids, this was the wrong way to go about it and he lost a good prospect because of his inappropriateness and lack of consideration of your feelings.
At the end of the day, you shouldn’t feel bad about not talking to this man ever again. Don’t worry I’ll explain why.
Do You Want A Man Who Listens To Your Concerns?
You see, you actually voiced your feelings and let this man know that you felt uncomfortable and offended by his question and instead of hearing you out to understand where you are coming from and apologize for his insensitive question, he tried to convince you that you shouldn’t be offended at all because you can have kids.
Here’s where this man’s thinking is flawed: A question isn’t offensive based on the response a person may give. Certain questions are just offensive on their own no matter what someone’s response may be.
Since this guy wouldn’t hear you out or try to understand your perspective and instead wrote your feelings off, he’s not the man for you!
Every woman needs a companion who will not only hear her feelings and concerns, but who will also not try to convince her that she is wrong for feeling offended. You want to date a man who can recognize and acknowledge that he has done or said something inappropriate after you explain why something is wrong.
The man who thinks he can do or say no wrong is a dangerous man to date!
For more great dating advice and tips for being safe while dating, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
Help! Do I Need To Ask All My Dates If They’re Single?
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I met this great man and we immediately hit it off. We talked for almost an hour before exchanging numbers. During that conversation he mentioned that he had been divorced for years and didn’t want to get married again, but I was okay with that because I’m not sure that I really want to get married either. I just know I want a great life companion.
Cut to 2 days later. He calls me and we talk for a couple of minutes before he says, “Well, I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing while I was driving home from work… You know, since I can’t text and drive.”
This gave me a funny feeling because it felt like he was implying that he couldn’t talk once he got home, which then made me think that he had a girlfriend at home. So, I mustered up the courage and asked, “are you single??” My heart sank when he said, “No, but I’m not married so technically I am single.”
Then he said, “I wanted to be upfront and honest with you about that because you seem like a good person.” Disgusted, I ended the conversation saying thanks for being honest, but I have to go. Just when I think I’ve met a great man, he turns out to have a girlfriend! It’s very frustrating! So, my question to you Dee is:
Do I really have to ask every man I go out with whether he is single or not? I feel like this guy would have dated me until he got caught if I never asked…
Dear Dater,
I just want to start by saying I’m sorry that you felt you had a great connection with a man who turned out to be in a relationship. You definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up over this.
While he should have been honest about the fact that he had a girlfriend, as a single woman it’s not a bad idea to ask the men you go out with if they’re single or not. Although some men will still lie in order to cheat on their girlfriends, not asking may produce more situations like these.
Trust Your Gut Instincts
Now, if you’re a great judge of character and can easily spot inconsistencies that quickly let you know a man is dating another woman, you may not need to ask this question (and that does seem to be the case with you since you sniffed this guy out pretty quickly).
I think the most important thing to take away from this situation is that you should always trust your gut instincts. Here, your gut said something wasn’t right because a man should want to talk to you in his home, not rush you off the phone before he gets there.
This feeling of something being off is what you always want to pay attention to because ignoring it can easily lead to you getting your heart broken. So, while you may encounter some dishonesty on your quest to finding real love, don’t make it any easier for men to deceive you by avoiding questions you feel inclined to ask.
Was He REALLY A Great Man?
Also, you call this guy a “great man,” but how is he great? Just because you felt like you “clicked” with him doesn’t negate the fact that this is a deceptive person. For all you know, he was putting on an act from the moment you met him in order to win you over and cheat on his girlfriend.
Don’t make yourself feel worse about this situation by wrongly classifying this man as a great person you connected with.
All in all, you did the right thing. By paying attention to your gut, identifying a serious red flag, and addressing it immediately, you ultimately prevented yourself from falling head over heels for a cheating philanderer.
Always trust your gut instincts because they’ll never lead you in the wrong direction!
For more great dating advice, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
Are You In A Relationship Or A Situationship?
Today, many women are finding themselves in situationships. And yes, these situationships sometimes do resemble a relationship, but when you look at the big picture, it’s clearly not a relationship. A lot of woman are just taking what they get from men and that is the furthest thing from a real relationship.
It seems that the women in situationships are so eager to have someone that they will literally take whatever scraps a man will throw their way. If a man will only spare a few hours of his time on Tuesday nights, she’ll take it. If he only makes time to see her on the weekend when it’s past 9 or 10 pm, she’ll be happy for the time. If he’s “too busy to call” for a week or more, that’s okay with her.
The fact that he never makes plans in advance and makes general references to seeing her by saying things like, “Maybe we can grab a bite to eat or watch a movie this weekend,” without following through doesn’t stop her from continuing the situation. She only sees him when he wants to see her, but she won’t rock the boat by saying that she isn’t comfortable with the situation because she doesn’t want to lose it altogether.
Why Are Situationships Accepted?
Unfortunately, it’s a lack of self-worth and self-respect that allows women to tolerate a situation where her needs and wants are never met, addressed, or even acknowledged. Being in a situationship means being on call for the guy you’re dating. You don’t make plans with your friends because you have to leave your schedule wide open for the moment he chooses to contact you to see you last-minute. And more times than not, you end up having a sad night at home alone because you don’t get the phone call or text that you thought you would.
When you’re “on call” for a man and you do get that text or phone call Saturday night at 9pm, you jump for joy. Of course, since you haven’t seen him in awhile you’re eager to accept his invitation for a late night rendezvous and possible sleep over. But ultimately, this only enables his behavior. And because you’re so happy to finally have the opportunity to be with him, any thought of talking about your needs or concerns fly out of the window. So this man gets to have his cake and eat it too, he gets to have you when he wants and doesn’t have to deal with the fact that he isn’t satisfying you emotionally or giving you the relationship you deserve.
And, if he actually spends the night at your place and hangs out with you Sunday morning this reinforces your belief that you really do have a relationship. The truth is, you only have this semi-relationship when he wants it. And he usually only wants it sporadically or late in the evening after he’s already gone out and done his thing. It’s also likely that he’s only seeing you after the person he really wanted to see was unavailable.
Don’t Let Your Situation Define Who You Are
At the end of the day, situationships destroy whatever remaining self-esteem you have for yourself. You develop an unhealthy dynamic where you only feel good about yourself when the guy is communicating with you and when he’s not you feel insecure, worthless, or unattractive. Your entire well-being is in his hands and this is a terrible position to put yourself in.
There comes a time in every situationship where a woman needs to decide whether the situation is right for her. If you’re in a situationship, the time is now. What do you really want for your future? If it’s scraps then by all means, help yourself! But, if you want a meaningful, loving, and healthy relationship, it’s time to let go of your situation!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Red Flags vs. Deal Breakers
There is a significant difference between red flags, which tell you there might be a big problem with the man you’re dating, and deal breakers. Deal breakers are things that show you a relationship will never work or won’t be good for you. While red flags are more like hints or signs that there may be underlying problems, once you encounter a deal breaker, you need to cut ties immediately.
It’s up to you though to be able to differentiate between red flags and deal breakers. An example of a deal breaker would be any kind of abuse, verbal, emotional, or physical. There’s no questions here, if you encounter abuse, that’s a deal breaker and you need to end the relationship immediately. No kind of abuse is acceptable under any circumstances. It doesn’t matter if your man is super stressed out or going through a lot, there is never an excuse for abuse!
However, if a man’s attention is dwindling and he’s not seeing you as frequently, this is a red flag because it suggests that there may be a problem beneath the surface. Perhaps he’s losing interest in you or maybe he’s seeing someone else. Either way, this is something that warrants an open and honest conversation with the person you’re dating. This kind of red flag doesn’t mean you need to immediately end the relationship, but you do need to address the issue to make sure there isn’t a bigger problem going on.
So, keep your eyes open and start recognizing the difference between red flags and deal breakers so that you can act accordingly!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Learn About More Red Flags and Deal Breakers:
Red Flag: He’s Too Busy To Call
Red Flag: He Sells You The Dream Relationship
Red Flag: Does He Pull Disappearing Acts?
Red Flag: He Suddenly Always Has To Work Late
Deal Breaker: He’s A Deadbeat Dad
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Deal Breaker: He’s A Deadbeat Dad
Dating a man who is a deadbeat dad is a huge deal breaker especially if you’re interested in having a family one day. A deadbeat dad is a man who doesn’t take care of the children he has fathered, doesn’t spend time with his kids, or refuses to pay child support.
The relationship a man has with his children is an indicator of how he may act if you start a family together. If a man is not willing to be a parent to the children he helped bring into this world then you can’t expect him to be any more involved with the children you have together. When a man neglects his own child, this may also be a sign that you could be neglected down the line as well.
You want a man that can step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities, not ignore them. And the whole, “my baby’s mother won’t let me see my kids” is garbage! Fathers have a right to see their children and that right can be enforced in court. If a man isn’t willing to get a lawyer to fight for his right to see his child then he’s a deadbeat dad and not worth seeing at all!
Never date a man who isn’t willing to be there for his own child.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date Men Who Live With Their Exes
Veronica’s Story*
When Veronica started dating Charles, he was completely upfront and honest about the fact that he still lived with his ex-girlfriend. He told Veronica that they broke up months ago, but neither could afford to move out before the lease was up. Charles assured Veronica that he and his ex lived strictly as roommates and that he no longer had feelings for her. Veronica appreciated that Charles was honest about his living situation and she felt confident in her choice to continue dating him.
Although Veronica wasn’t interested in spending time at Charles’ apartment since his ex-girlfriend would be there, she didn’t like the fact that they could only hang out at her apartment. On top of that, Charles would never sleep at Veronica’s place because he wasn’t sure how his ex would react to him dating just months after the relationship ended. While this didn’t sit well with Veronica, she wrote off her feelings and swept her slight bitterness under the rug.
As the 4th of July holiday approached, Veronica asked Charles if he wanted to barbecue together at her place. He told her yes, but that it would have to be closer to the evening because he was going to another barbecue. When she asked if it was a certain friend’s barbecue who told her it was actually his ex-girlfriend’s family’s barbecue. Veronica was crushed.
The whole time she dated Charles she genuinely believed that him and his ex had completely cut ties, but that wasn’t the case at all. She asked him why he would be going to their barbecue and he said he didn’t want his ex to feel bad because she had to go alone. Obviously, this was a load of crap and Veronica knew that Charles had not been as upfront and honest about his “ex” as she thought he’d been.
Moral of the story? No matter what reasons or excuses a man gives you, you should never date a man who still lives with his ex-girlfriend and here are four important reasons why:
1. It’s Probably Not Over
If you’re dating a man who lives with his “ex,” there’s a good chance that your new love interest is still in that relationship.
2. The Attachment Isn’t Broken
You can’t completely get over an ex and move on when you still live together. You need to know that your date still has a strong emotional attachment to his ex. A man might tell you that he’s over his ex, but living together allows a person to temporarily escape some of the pain that a full separation would cause.
3. Relationship Relapses Are Real
If the relationship is actually over, this doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. When you continue living with an ex after a break up, getting back together is all too easy and you could get your heartbroken all because of residual feelings that eventually are acted upon.
4. You’ll Always Be The Rebound Girl
Another important reason why you shouldn’t date men that live with their exes is because you become the rebound girl. All you are is a crutch for this man to bridge the gap between leaving his ex and regaining his freedom. Remember, men usually never end up seriously dating or marrying the rebound girl.
Give a man time to fully untangle himself from his last relationship and emotionally move on before considering him as a date option.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
*The names in this article have been changed for anonymity.
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Red Flag: He Sells You The Dream Relationship
Have you ever gone out with a man who “sold you the dream?” Well, this is a big red flag! You have to be very careful with any man who sells you the dream relationship because it is usually just that, a dream.
What is Selling The Dream?
Men who sell you the dream try to lull you into a false sense of confidence in the prospect of a future together by telling you all the things you might want to hear. This man will tell you that he’s really into you, he’s seriously looking for a woman that he can build a future with and start a family with. He’ll tell you that you’re the type of woman he can see himself marrying, that he can tell you would be a great mother and wife.
He might suggest various types of dates you could go on in the future. He might even tell you that he wants to show you the world and take you to places that you’ve never been. This guy will literally tell you anything that sounds good.
Why Sell The Dream?
The men who sell you the dream on your first few dates lay it on thick and paint a picture of this amazing relationship you could have because they want you to think that you’ll have a future together. But most importantly, they want you to feel extremely comfortable and open so they can get you in bed as quickly as possible.
It shouldn’t be hard for you to spot the guy who is selling you the dream because he is basically going to try to convince you that what you have is more than what it really is and then try to get in your pants. What you really need to do is slow down, pace the dating process, and pay close attention to this man’s actions.
Don’t Buy The Hype
Remember, actions speak louder than words and it’s not always the actions during the date itself that are the most telling of a man’s intent. If you reject his advances and he respects that and continues to date you and treat you like a gentleman then great!
However, if he lays it on thick, tries to come onto you, gets rejected and rarely calls or communicates with you between dates, then he’s definitely selling you the dream. You can’t rush the dating process so slow down and keep your eyes open!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Red Flag: He’s Too Busy To Call
The “I was busy” excuse is pretty popular with some men and most women have heard this excuse before. The guy you’re dating tells you that he is going to call you tomorrow or that he is going to take you out over the weekend, but he never does. When he finally gets back to you, he tells you how crazy his week or month has been and that he had absolutely no time whatsoever to call or even text you.
Now, how many of you are guilty of accepting the “I was busy” excuse? While you will feel inclined to forgive a man’s lack of communication or breaking of commitments due to his extremely “busy” schedule, you ultimately devalue yourself and your worth by accepting this excuse.
You’re Worthy of Communication
The problem with believing the busy excuse is that you may internalize this as you not being worthy of a man’s attention when he has other things going on. You may even start to think that it’s okay to just be an afterthought to a man. But, if a man tells you he is going to call you tomorrow, it doesn’t matter how busy his day was, he should have made some kind of effort to communicate with you, even if just through texts.
You have to realize that people make time for what they really want. So, if a man really wants to talk to you or really wants to see you, he is going to make time to do that. No matter how busy a person is, it doesn’t take much effort to make a quick phone call or shoot someone a text. Being busy does not negate a man’s responsibility to honor his word!
You deserve a man who will keep his commitments and promises to you and you can’t let a man convince you that you aren’t important enough for a phone call or text. You deserve a man who calls you when he says he is going to call you and who actually keeps the dates you schedule.
Dates Cancelled By Silence
Most importantly, you have to be weary of any man who tells you that he is so busy he didn’t even have time to cancel your date plans. This really means that you’re barely an afterthought to this guy and he doesn’t respect you enough to not waste your time. This is not the kind of man you should continue to date under any circumstances.
It’s one thing if work or an emergency prevents you from keeping a scheduled date, but there’s absolutely no excuse for not taking the time to call or text a woman to cancel a date. The next time a man tells you he was too busy to call you or too busy to cancel your plans, just accept the fact that he’s just not that into you.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credits: Images courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Does The Man You’re Dating Only See You As An Option?
“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” ~ Maya Angelou
This is one of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes. It’s profound and offers timeless wisdom! While this quote does apply to life generally and our friendships, it definitely applies to dating as well. You should never prioritize a man who doesn’t feel strongly enough about you to do the same.
The kind of man you really want to date is eager to see you. He would rather go out with you than “the boys.” You never want to be an afterthought in a man’s mind. Of course, spontaneity is welcome after you’ve been on some dates, but if you just met a man and he only contacts you a few hours or an hour before he wants to see you, then you are definitely just an option!
How many of you have been guilty of canceling plans with your girlfriends because a guy asked you out at the last-minute? And, how did that work out for you? Are you still dating that guy?
The truth is, you should never cancels plans with your friends to prioritize any man. If you don’t think he will ask you out again if you turn down his last-minute date, then this isn’t a man you should waste any time trying to date.
When a man takes the time to ask you out in advance, it shows you that he is actually thinking about you and you definitely want to be on a man’s mind! For more great reasons why you shouldn’t accept last-minute dates from men, check out my article No More Last Minute Dates!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
18 Types of Men to Avoid When You’re Online Dating
Although online dating has made it much easier to connect with hundreds and thousands of people, you still need to be scrutinizing and use your best judgment when deciding who to talk to from an online dating website or online dating app. So, here are 18 types of men you should avoid when you’re online dating:
1. Mr. Scammer
Mr. Scammer is the man who asks you for money or favors. I don’t care if you’ve been talking to a man for two weeks or two months, NEVER give money to anyone you are talking to from an online dating site or online dating app. In fact, as soon as someone asks you for money, you need to stop talking them immediately.
There’s a lot of scammers using online dating to pray on women who are looking for love or attention. These scammers will say anything to get you to trust them or fall for them so they can manipulate you into giving up your hard earned money.
One woman was asked for money to help a man attend his “uncle’s funeral” that was in a different state. Another woman was asked to send a man thousands of dollars to help him move to the US so they could be together. After selling her house and sending the man thousands of dollars, she realized she had been scammed when the man never came to the US.
Some situations are more extreme than others, but the lesson here is that a person who is truly looking for love should never be looking in your wallet!!
2. Mr. Some College
When you see a man put “some college” on the education section of his profile, majority of the time, it means no college at all. Some men know that there are women who will not talk to them if they only have a high school education. So, instead of going with the full-blown lie of having a college degree, which they can’t pull off, they claim “some college” to gain points with you.
A friendly and non-confrontational way to see if a guy actually had some college is to ask him what he majored in or some other school-related question. If he says he “majored in everything” or gives you some other answer you know can’t be right, put that fish back in the water!
3. Mr. Bad Grammar
You can usually spot Mr. Some College by his terrible grammar, bad sentence structure, and lack of using periods. For example, “Hi sexi u beautiful u wana talk are meet up I hafta get to no u and sho u a gud time wit me.” Delete this message and never look back!
If a man can barely spell and put together sentence, he’s not right for you. I know this because you’re reading my blog. And, if you’re reading this you are far too intelligent to date a man who can hardly spell or write!
4. Mr. Superficial
Mr. Superficial will immediately ask to see more pictures of you before he even knows your name. If a man asks you to send him more pictures of you before taking the time to ask you about yourself and get to know you, move on! He’s obviously not trying to get to know you so if you’re interested in having a long-term relationship, Mr. Superficial is not the way to go!
5. Mr. Nothing Serious
Mr. Nothing Serious is the guy who puts “I’m not looking for anything serious” on his profile. This means that this guy is not interested in having a long-term relationship. He wants to have fun and casually date, nothing more.
No matter what Mr. Nothing Serious tells you in his messages or on the phone, he doesn’t want a relationship, period. When a man is upfront and honest about what he wants, believe it! You are not going to change his mind so don’t waste your time trying!
6. Mr. Me
Mr. Me never asks you questions about yourself. Mr. Me is completely selfish and isn’t genuinely trying to learn about your common interests. Whether you’re having online conversations or talking on the phone, if a man isn’t asking you questions about yourself so he can get to know you better, that should be a red flag to you.
If a man is messaging you and the conversation only revolves around him, he’s not interested in getting to know you at all.
7. Mr. Lay It All On The Table
Mr. Lay It All On The Table serves himself to you on a silver platter. If a man tries to tell you everything about himself as soon as you start talking, you have to be weary about this for two reasons. First, he could be trying to portray himself as someone different from who he really is. He may say he is sensitive, caring, patient, loyal, successful, well-off, etc., but you don’t know if that’s really true. And, some men are willing to sell women whatever type of dream they need to in order to get what they want. So, you have to take this kind of “upfront honesty” with a grain of salt.
Second, this guy may be trying to circumvent the real “get to know you” process so he can get you to feel like you know a lot about him, thus making you feel closer to him early on and that much closer to letting him get you in bed. Just be careful with Mr. Lay It All On The Table.
8. Mr. Nice Jerk
Mr. Nice Jerk gives you back-handed compliments. Back-handed compliments are basically insults that are given in the form of what seems to be a compliment. For example, “you’re beautiful, you must be crazy if you have to use online dating.” You should never entertain or date a man who claims you must have certain negative qualities without even getting to know you!
You deserve to be talked to with respect and any man who makes back-handed compliments is not worthy of your time. While some men don’t intentionally mean to hurt your feelings, if a man thinks in a way that he can only give you back-handed compliments, this isn’t the type of man that you would be happy dating.
9. Mr. I Work
You should always avoid the men who don’t put down a real profession in the job section of their profile. For example, “Getting money,” “I work,” “Hustler,” “Pirate,” “Music,” etc. are ridiculous job titles yet these are real responses that men have put on their profiles. When the pirate was asked about his job, he responded, “are you ready to walk the plank?”
Mr. I Work is not only full of himself, but he’s also full of crap. The evasiveness of getting around the job question with off the wall responses screams jobless, drug dealer, or weirdo. Whichever it is, this is a definitely a guy you should avoid dating.
10. Mr. Impatient
Mr. Impatient gets angry or annoyed when you don’t respond to his messages within minutes. For example, one man sent a woman this message after not getting a response within 15 minutes, “Why can’t women hold a conversation with a man? Geez!” This screams problems on so many levels.
This guy is obviously not only having problems with his online dating endeavors, but he could also be needy, jealous, controlling, and so many other things you wouldn’t want to deal with.
11. Mr. Sexter
Mr. Sexter loves to send women naked pictures of himself. Trust me, Mr. Sexter is only looking for sex. It doesn’t matter how much you have connected or vibed on the phone together, if he’s showing you his package, it’s for one reason. And, if you’re not interested in just having a casual sexual relationship with this person, then you shouldn’t be interested in continuing to talk to him.
12. Mr. Playboy
Mr. Playboy will have pictures of himself with other women on his online dating profile. When a man has pictures of himself surrounded by other women, beware! Most likely, he isn’t looking for anything serious. And, if he tells you the woman or women in his pictures are related to him, know that there’s a good chance he’s lying.
13. Mr. Mystery
Mr. Mystery has no pictures of himself on his profile or his face is barely visible in the pictures that are up. If a man is withholding pictures or hiding his face with glasses, hats, and or blurry pictures, you should definitely pass on this one.
When a man intentionally keeps you from seeing his face you have to wonder, what is he hiding? Maybe he’s in a relationship or married and doesn’t want to get caught or maybe it’s something else altogether. But, do you really want to stick around to find out? Probably not.
14. Mr. Blah Blah Blah
Mr. Blah Blah Blah’s about me section of his online dating profile looks like this, “blah blah blah lokdjflj dsflkajsdlk jadfalk sdjflsdh vjdhoah.” Don’t waste your time with this one.
15. Mr. Animal House
Mr. Animal House has profile pictures that make it look like he’s still in college living the party life. One picture of a man having drinks with friends is okay, but more than one is a red flag. If you want to date a mature man who no longer feels the need to party every night or weekend, you’ll definitely want to avoid Mr. Animal House.
16. Mr. Still Attached
Mr. Still Attached lives with his ex-girlfriend or the mother of his children. Enough said! Don’t waste your time!
17. Mr. Unoriginal
Mr. Unoriginal is the man who sends you what seems to be a nice thoughtful first message, but really, it’s just a copy and paste. This man wants to plants as many seeds as possible with women, but he’s lazy so he doesn’t want to take the time to read your profile and send you a message catered specifically to you.
Mr. Unoriginal doesn’t care that he told you he loves your smile when you were barely smiling in your profile pictures.
18. Mr. Rusher
Mr. Rusher wants to meet you tonight!! It doesn’t matter that he just contacted you for the first time 15 minutes ago. This is definitely a bad idea. Most likely, this guy is looking for something quick and casual. If he was really looking for something serious, he would take the time to have a few conversations with you before trying to see you.
There’s a lot of garbage on online dating websites and online dating apps and it’s up to you to weed out the wrong men. Don’t let your desperation of wanting a date or a boyfriend make you overlook important red flags. You’ll only regret it in the long-run.
For safe online dating tips, read my article 10 Tips For Safe Online Dating.
For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credits: Images courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
9 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date Extremely Jealous Men
Jealousy has nothing to do with how strongly a man feels about you, but women often mistake a man’s jealousy for love or a high level of interest. There are different levels of jealousy, but if you date a man who is extremely jealous, you’re setting yourself up for an unhealthy relationship because real happiness and love just isn’t possible. So, here are 9 reasons why you should avoid dating extremely jealous men:
1. You’re Always On Trial
When your boyfriend is extremely jealous, you have to deal with regular accusations of cheating. You’re always standing trial and being persecuted for innocent behavior. Maybe a male coworker gave you a ride home from work or maybe you went out with girlfriends and came home an hour later than you said you would. No matter what the innocent behavior is, having your life under your boyfriend’s microscope isn’t easy!
2. You Always Have To Prove Yourself
When you’re always on trial, what do you have to do? Prove your innocence! And you better make a good case! When an extremely jealous boyfriend accuses you of cheating, you have to prove your fidelity and love. You have to convince him that you would never disrespect your relationship. But, truthfully, there’s no amount of convincing that you can do to make a jealous man trust you.
Good relationships take enough work to maintain and having to constantly prove that you’re not cheating and you do love your boyfriend is stressful and draining, to say the least.
3. The Relationship May Take a Turn For The Worst
Extreme jealousy could be a sign that your relationship may turn into an abusive one. Abusive men are usually extremely jealous and frequently perceive innocent behavior as evidence of or acts of infidelity. And, these misperceptions are often used as excuses for abuse.
4. Snooping Is Probably On The Horizon
Extreme jealousy can cause other unhealthy behaviors like snooping and even stalking. And, it’s actually very painful and hurtful to know that your boyfriend distrusts you enough to snoop or follow you to places.
5. He May Never Trust You
If your boyfriend is extremely jealous, there’s really no trust in your relationship. One of the fundamental elements of a great, loving relationship is trust. If your boyfriend can’t trust you from the moment you start dating, what would ever truly get him to trust you? Besides working on his emotional issues, there’s absolutely nothing you can do or not do that will build your boyfriend’s trust in you.
6. His Jealously May Erode Your Trust
Your boyfriend may never trust you and his jealousy may erode your own trust in him. It’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t trust you. If you can maintain your trust in the relationship, his lack of trust will surely make you sad.
7. His Distrust May Be A Result Of His Own Actions
Extreme jealousy may be a symptom of your boyfriend’s infidelity in the relationship. Guilty minds blame others. If your boyfriend has not been faithful in the relationship, his guilt may lead him to accusing you of cheating as well.
8. Extreme Jealousy Is A Sign Of A Much Bigger Problem
Extreme jealousy comes from a place of insecurity, not love! Insecurity is deep-rooted and goes far beyond a current relationship. A man whose insecurity leads to jealousy may feel like he’s not handsome enough, muscular enough, or intelligent enough. These aren’t things that you can fix for your boyfriend. Self-confidence starts and ends with yourself. So, unless your boyfriend makes an effort to resolve his insecurity issues on his own, they’ll continue to plague your relationship.
It’s difficult to date someone who is very insecure because they need constant reassurance. You will be expected to make them feel secure. But, if you’re not doing anything wrong, how can you make your boyfriend feel secure in the relationship? Just know that you won’t be able to solve your boyfriend’s insecurity for him.
9. He May Become Controlling
Extreme jealousy due to insecurity could also manifest itself as a controlling nature. An extremely insecure and jealous boyfriend will want to know what you’re doing and who you’re with at all times. He also may try to control or limit your interactions with friends and family altogether.
Obviously, if you’re actually cheating on your boyfriend, then jealousy and insecurity is reasonable and expected. But, if you’re not cheating on your boyfriend and he regularly exhibits jealous behavior, you need to have a conversation about where the jealousy is coming from and how he can resolve those issues so the two of you can have a happy relationship. If he still continues with his jealous antics, it’s time to run for the hills!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
3 Reasons You Shouldn’t Ask A Date Questions About His Character
When you first start dating a man, you want to get to know as much about your date as possible. Instead of letting a man show you who he is, you try to get him to tell you. You might ask him questions about his character or how he treated his last girlfriend to get a better idea of what a relationship with him would look like.
But, doing this is actually more problematic than you probably think. So, here are 3 reasons why you shouldn’t ask the men you’re dating questions about their character:
1. Men Can Lie
In a perfect world, all men would tell the truth when they are asked questions about themselves, but we don’t live in a perfect world. So, it’s really important not to focus heavily on questioning your date about his personality, morals, character, and so forth.
When you pay attention to your date’s behavior and keep your eyes open for red flags, these questions will be answered for you. Which brings me to my next point…
2. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
We’ve all heard this saying, it’s nothing new, but actions really do speak louder than words! If you ask your dates about themselves, they could easily just tell you what you want to hear. Don’t get caught up putting a man through investigative questioning because his behavior will tell you everything in the end.
Remember, a man can show you who he is much better than he could ever tell you!
3. You May Blindly Rely On His Answers
When you focus your energy on questioning a man about his character, it’s really easy to have a false sense of confidence in his answers. Naturally, we want to believe what the man we’re dating says. So, instead of paying attention to his actions, we rely on his word and turn a blind eye to all the red flags that show us he’s someone else.
The truth is, when we wrongly rely on what a man tells us about himself, we only hurt ourselves in the long run through our blind trust and belief.
The next time you’re dating a man, let him show you who he is instead of tell you who he is. Start identifying and learning about the different red flags you should be paying attention to. This way, you won’t feel the need to question your dates since you’ll be able to rely on your knowledge and understanding of men’s behavior!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Learn More About Red Flags:
5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For
You shouldn’t have to tell him to call you
Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?
8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy
*Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
10 Signs A Guy Is Really Into You
It’s not always easy to tell if the guy you’re dating is really interested in you. And often times, we tend to focus on the wrong things in determining a man’s level of interest. For example, you might focus on the fact that a man says he’s interested in you even though his actions scream he’s not interested at all.
So, get some clarity on what interest really looks like and check out my article 10 Signs A Guy Is Really Into You. I am honored to have written this article for Claudia Cox of Text Weapon and I’m sure you’ll enjoy this read!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy
Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
For some women, the ideal man would want to spend as much time as possible with the woman he is dating. But, there’s a fine line between wanting to spend a lot of time together and just being flat out needy.
There are definitely red flags that show you a man is needy or clingy, but it’s up to you to take these red flags seriously. So, the next time you meet someone new, remember these 8 Signs That You’re Dating A Needy Guy:
1. He Calls You Several Times A Day
We all know that most men try to play it cool when they first meet a woman. They don’t get a number and immediately call it an hour later. They let the anticipation build a little, but the man who is perfectly fine with calling you several times a day after you just met is the man you need to stop seeing.
Couples that have been dating for a while talk to each other several times a day. But, there’s no reason for someone you haven’t even known for more than a few days or weeks to call you repeatedly throughout the day. And, if a man has nothing to really tell you, then why would he need to speak to you so often in the day? Because he’s needy and this is exactly who needs to be crossed off your potential match list!
2. He Calls You Back to Back
If the guy you’re dating calls you back to back if you don’t pick up the phone, this is a huge red flag that you’re dating a needy guy. Unless there’s an emergency or you’re really close with someone, it’s not okay to blow up a person’s phone when they don’t answer it. When the guy you’re dating is comfortable enough to call you 3 or 4 times in a day with nothing important to tell you, he may eventually be comfortable enough to stalk you too!
Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
3. He Texts You All Day
If a guy you just met texts you all day, this is definitely a red flag. We all know how easy it is to let a text conversation drag on throughout the entire day, but when you’re dating someone new and have nothing of substance to say, it doesn’t make sense to text all day.
4. He Always Wants To Know What You’re Doing or Who You’re With
If you’re constantly being asked, “what are you doing” or “who are you with,” you probably need to steer clear of this guy altogether. Not only are these red flags that your guy is needy, but they are also red flags that your new guy may be jealous, insecure, controlling, or all of the above.
Also, there’s a difference between someone asking “what are you doing” in trying to make conversation and asking that question because they have to know the answer to it. It’s up to you as the woman to be able to decipher the difference. So, pay attention to how often you’re being asked who you are with or what you are doing AND the way it’s being asked. This way, you can avoid an unhealthy relationship early on!
Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
5. He Always Wants To Be With You
If you’ve been dating a guy for a very short period of time, but he already wants to spend every second of every day with you, be careful because this is a serious red flag! This particular type of needy guy wants to spend so much time with you that he’s willing to invite himself out with you and “the girls,” and that’s a big problem.
Wanting to spend all of your time with someone so early on comes from a place of insecurity, whether it’s being insecure about losing a woman to another man or being insecure that a woman may lose interest if you’re not always around. This behavior could also indicate a jealous or controlling nature. Being with a man that requires this much attention will wear you out and strain your budding romance.
6. He Makes You Feel Guilty For Not Being With Him
A new guy that wants to spend every second with you is a problem, but a new guy that makes you feel bad for doing things without him is even worse. It’s pretty immature for a man to try to make you feel bad or give you a guilt trip about going out without him. In relationships, both people need a little room to breathe and live.
If you allow a man to suffocate you and let his insecurity make you feel guilty for going out to catch up with your friends or family, then you’re enabling the development of an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. So, do yourself a favor and throw this fish back in the water.
Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
7. He Needs Constant Reassurance
A man that constantly needs reassurance that you like him and want to date him is not the kind of man you really want to date. Of course, men do wonder what level of feelings a woman may have for him, but it’s a totally different ballgame if he’s continuously seeking validation from you.
Being with a man that requires this much pacifying is draining and ultimately hurts the possibility of having a great, healthy relationship. Remember, just because a man is insecure doesn’t mean it’s your job to make him feel secure!
8. He Wants To Be Exclusive After A Few Dates
Any man who is ready to be in an exclusive relationship with you after only a few dates, is definitely a man you MUST take your time with. It’s never a good idea to jump head first into a relationship without taking the necessary time to get to know a man.
As much as you may have “clicked” with your date, slow it down and don’t let a man pressure you into starting a relationship before you’re ready!
Now that you’re equipped with some more great dating knowledge, it’s time to get out there and date!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
More Red Flags For Your Enjoyment:
Red Flag: He Suddenly Always Has To Work Late
5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For
Why Men Disappear Then Reappear – The Right to REAL Love Radio
I guest starred on The Right to REAL Love Radio Show again and I’m so excited to share this episode with you! On this show, Jay Mayo and I discussed men who disappear from women’s lives and then reappear. From why men disappear and reappear to how woman should handle these situations, we cover it all!
This is definitely a topic you don’t want to miss! Listen to our discussion below and check out Jay Mayo’s page where he has some great extras for our listeners: The Right to REAL Love Radio Show: Why Men Disappear Then Reappear.
Enjoy,
Dee
P.S. Check out my first show on The Right to REAL Love Radio Show where host Jay Mayo and I dive into the topic Are You Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband?
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Dee's Dating Diary 