In this short video, I’m sharing dating advice that EVERY woman needs to hear! Go ahead and click play!
Till Next Time,
Today, it’s become harder and harder for some women to decipher their place in a man’s life. They aren’t sure how to define the relationship or don’t know if what they have is a relationship at all.
It’s not uncommon to see a woman give some guy months or even years of her attention just to learn down the line that he never wanted anything that was more than casual.
Communication Is Key
If you find yourself in an awkward space where you don’t know if you’re in a relationship or dating towards having a serious relationship, the best thing to do is to have an open, honest conversation with the person you’re dating to see if you’re on the same page as far as pursuing a relationship.
I think it’s important to note though, that some men will be very vague and obscure when having the “what are we” conversation. Some men don’t want to lose the great situationship they have with you, but also don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you either.
So, they will try to keep you in limbo for as long as possible so they can delay getting to the point of having to seriously commit to you or break things off.
Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend
If you’ve talked about your situationship, but feel like you didn’t get clarity or only feel more confused, consider the following signs to determine whether you might be your guy’s next serious girlfriend or just his late night creep:
1. He Never Spends More Than 3-4 Hours With You
2. He’s Always “Too Busy” To Make Real Plans With You
3. He Never Takes You Out In Public
4. He Only Hangs Out With You After 9pm
5. All You Do Is Netflix And Chill
6. He Says He Doesn’t Believe in Using Labels (until you see him calling someone else his fiancé a few years later)
7. He Doesn’t Let You Meet His Friends Or Family And Avoids Yours
8. He Pretends Like He’s Alone When Someone Calls Him And Asks What He’s Doing
9. He’s A Ghost When You’re On Your Period And Resurfaces When It’s Over
10. You Only Hear From Him Once or Twice A Week Or Only A Few Times A Month
11. He Rejected Your Facebook Friend Request
12. He Lies And Says He Doesn’t Have A Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat Account
13. He Won’t Commit To Any Future Plans With You (i.e. vacations, trips, weddings, events, etc.)
14. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For A Relationship
15. He Says He Likes The Situationship Just The Way It Is
If you discuss going out in public or becoming more than what you are now and your guy says he likes things just the way they are, he isn’t “ready” for a relationship, or doesn’t think you guys need to define what you are, you’re never going to be in a real relationship with this man and it’s best that you cut your losses and move on, if this isn’t what you want.
Till Next Time,
When you meet someone you’re attracted to, there’s usually a natural desire to know more about that person. The problem is, some people have a difficult time understanding the difference between appropriate and inappropriate first date questions.
On the other hand, we can’t ignore the fact that some people knowingly ask offensive questions and just don’t care about whether their date feels comfortable or not.
Make Your Date Feel Comfortable
In order to improve our dating experiences, we need to make sure that we aren’t unnecessarily offending the person we are attracted to. Our dates should feel comfortable and at ease, not on guard waiting for the next insulting question.
You actually decrease your chance of making a great connection with a date when you ask them judgmental questions or questions that force your date to talk about something they aren’t ready to discuss with you.
So, to help your initial encounters with women, I want to share some questions that you should never let leave your lips. The following are 20 real life questions that men have asked women on or before a first date:
1. Why are you single?
2. Are you paying for the date?
3. How old are you?
4. Can I come back to your place or do you want to come back to mine?
5. Is that your real hair?
6. You’re not one of those crazy girls are you?
7. How much do you weigh?
8. Do you have daddy issues?
9. How much do you cost?
10. Do you want to go a to fancy restaurant? (Then takes you to Wendy’s)
11. Can you do a split?
12. What are you mixed with?
13. Can I borrow $1,000? (Or any amount of money)
14. Do you like your feet licked?
15. Are your breasts real?
16. What’s your bra size?
17. What are you cooking me for dinner?
18. How much do you make?
19. Have you cheated on your past boyfriends?
20. Do you know how to use those lips?
Some of these questions clearly indicate that you’re only interested in a casual encounter, i.e. sex. But if you’re genuinely interested in a woman and want to get to know her better these are not the kinds of questions you should ask early on.
Offending a woman on a first date is a sure-fire way to never get a second one so think wisely before asking very personal questions that may make a woman feel uncomfortable around you.
Till Next Time,
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
After a few messages on an online dating website, I gave my number to this really good-looking man. He called me almost immediately and the conversation started off normal enough. However, barely ten minutes into our conversation he asks me, “can you have kids?”
I was so shocked I couldn’t even speak for a moment. After a few seconds I said, “Why would you ask me that??” He said that because he wants to have children he needs to make sure that the woman he dates can have kids.
I told him that it’s obvious from my young age that I can have kids, but that I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy from the question and would feel bad for the woman who has to answer “yes” and explain something very sensitive and personal to a perfect stranger. I said the question was inappropriate and something he shouldn’t ask a woman until he gets to know her well.
At this point, he got defensive and said I should only be offended if I couldn’t actually have kids, but since I can it shouldn’t be a big deal. He had completely turned me off and I was repulsed by him altogether. I eventually ended the conversation and I don’t plan on talking to him ever again. Am I wrong for writing him off?
Wow! What a horrible question to ask a woman during the first phone call. You shouldn’t have been subjected to this question so early on and this guy clearly lacks manners and common sense. Whether or not a woman can have kids is a very touchy subject and no woman should have to explain to a man she doesn’t know why she can’t have children.
Although this man says he wants kids and, therefore, needs to ensure he dates a woman who can have kids, this was the wrong way to go about it and he lost a good prospect because of his inappropriateness and lack of consideration of your feelings.
At the end of the day, you shouldn’t feel bad about not talking to this man ever again. Don’t worry I’ll explain why.
Do You Want A Man Who Listens To Your Concerns?
You see, you actually voiced your feelings and let this man know that you felt uncomfortable and offended by his question and instead of hearing you out to understand where you are coming from and apologize for his insensitive question, he tried to convince you that you shouldn’t be offended at all because you can have kids.
Here’s where this man’s thinking is flawed: A question isn’t offensive based on the response a person may give. Certain questions are just offensive on their own no matter what someone’s response may be.
Since this guy wouldn’t hear you out or try to understand your perspective and instead wrote your feelings off, he’s not the man for you!
Every woman needs a companion who will not only hear her feelings and concerns, but who will also not try to convince her that she is wrong for feeling offended. You want to date a man who can recognize and acknowledge that he has done or said something inappropriate after you explain why something is wrong.
The man who thinks he can do or say no wrong is a dangerous man to date!
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I met this great man and we immediately hit it off. We talked for almost an hour before exchanging numbers. During that conversation he mentioned that he had been divorced for years and didn’t want to get married again, but I was okay with that because I’m not sure that I really want to get married either. I just know I want a great life companion.
Cut to 2 days later. He calls me and we talk for a couple of minutes before he says, “Well, I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing while I was driving home from work… You know, since I can’t text and drive.”
This gave me a funny feeling because it felt like he was implying that he couldn’t talk once he got home, which then made me think that he had a girlfriend at home. So, I mustered up the courage and asked, “are you single??” My heart sank when he said, “No, but I’m not married so technically I am single.”
Then he said, “I wanted to be upfront and honest with you about that because you seem like a good person.” Disgusted, I ended the conversation saying thanks for being honest, but I have to go. Just when I think I’ve met a great man, he turns out to have a girlfriend! It’s very frustrating! So, my question to you Dee is:
Do I really have to ask every man I go out with whether he is single or not? I feel like this guy would have dated me until he got caught if I never asked…
I just want to start by saying I’m sorry that you felt you had a great connection with a man who turned out to be in a relationship. You definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up over this.
While he should have been honest about the fact that he had a girlfriend, as a single woman it’s not a bad idea to ask the men you go out with if they’re single or not. Although some men will still lie in order to cheat on their girlfriends, not asking may produce more situations like these.
Trust Your Gut Instincts
Now, if you’re a great judge of character and can easily spot inconsistencies that quickly let you know a man is dating another woman, you may not need to ask this question (and that does seem to be the case with you since you sniffed this guy out pretty quickly).
I think the most important thing to take away from this situation is that you should always trust your gut instincts. Here, your gut said something wasn’t right because a man should want to talk to you in his home, not rush you off the phone before he gets there.
This feeling of something being off is what you always want to pay attention to because ignoring it can easily lead to you getting your heart broken. So, while you may encounter some dishonesty on your quest to finding real love, don’t make it any easier for men to deceive you by avoiding questions you feel inclined to ask.
Was He REALLY A Great Man?
Also, you call this guy a “great man,” but how is he great? Just because you felt like you “clicked” with him doesn’t negate the fact that this is a deceptive person. For all you know, he was putting on an act from the moment you met him in order to win you over and cheat on his girlfriend.
Don’t make yourself feel worse about this situation by wrongly classifying this man as a great person you connected with.
All in all, you did the right thing. By paying attention to your gut, identifying a serious red flag, and addressing it immediately, you ultimately prevented yourself from falling head over heels for a cheating philanderer.
Always trust your gut instincts because they’ll never lead you in the wrong direction!
Today, many women are finding themselves in situationships. And yes, these situationships sometimes do resemble a relationship, but when you look at the big picture, it’s clearly not a relationship. A lot of woman are just taking what they get from men and that is the furthest thing from a real relationship.
It seems that the women in situationships are so eager to have someone that they will literally take whatever scraps a man will throw their way. If a man will only spare a few hours of his time on Tuesday nights, she’ll take it. If he only makes time to see her on the weekend when it’s past 9 or 10 pm, she’ll be happy for the time. If he’s “too busy to call” for a week or more, that’s okay with her.
The fact that he never makes plans in advance and makes general references to seeing her by saying things like, “Maybe we can grab a bite to eat or watch a movie this weekend,” without following through doesn’t stop her from continuing the situation. She only sees him when he wants to see her, but she won’t rock the boat by saying that she isn’t comfortable with the situation because she doesn’t want to lose it altogether.
Why Are Situationships Accepted?
Unfortunately, it’s a lack of self-worth and self-respect that allows women to tolerate a situation where her needs and wants are never met, addressed, or even acknowledged. Being in a situationship means being on call for the guy you’re dating. You don’t make plans with your friends because you have to leave your schedule wide open for the moment he chooses to contact you to see you last-minute. And more times than not, you end up having a sad night at home alone because you don’t get the phone call or text that you thought you would.
When you’re “on call” for a man and you do get that text or phone call Saturday night at 9pm, you jump for joy. Of course, since you haven’t seen him in awhile you’re eager to accept his invitation for a late night rendezvous and possible sleep over. But ultimately, this only enables his behavior. And because you’re so happy to finally have the opportunity to be with him, any thought of talking about your needs or concerns fly out of the window. So this man gets to have his cake and eat it too, he gets to have you when he wants and doesn’t have to deal with the fact that he isn’t satisfying you emotionally or giving you the relationship you deserve.
And, if he actually spends the night at your place and hangs out with you Sunday morning this reinforces your belief that you really do have a relationship. The truth is, you only have this semi-relationship when he wants it. And he usually only wants it sporadically or late in the evening after he’s already gone out and done his thing. It’s also likely that he’s only seeing you after the person he really wanted to see was unavailable.
Don’t Let Your Situation Define Who You Are
At the end of the day, situationships destroy whatever remaining self-esteem you have for yourself. You develop an unhealthy dynamic where you only feel good about yourself when the guy is communicating with you and when he’s not you feel insecure, worthless, or unattractive. Your entire well-being is in his hands and this is a terrible position to put yourself in.
There comes a time in every situationship where a woman needs to decide whether the situation is right for her. If you’re in a situationship, the time is now. What do you really want for your future? If it’s scraps then by all means, help yourself! But, if you want a meaningful, loving, and healthy relationship, it’s time to let go of your situation!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,