Help! How Do I Turn Down A Second Date Without Getting Insulted?

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I went on one date with a guy I met online, but I just wasn’t feeling him. He not only looked older than he said he was in his online profile, but he also talked about himself for the ENTIRE date. It really bothered me that he wasn’t asking me questions about myself or trying to get to know me at all.

A couple of days after our first date he texted me asking to go out again. This was our conversation:

Him: Hey! Are you busy on Saturday? Let’s go out!

Me: I have to be honest I didn’t feel a connection on the date but maybe we can be friends?

Him: I’ve been dating four beautiful women from the dating site, but you seemed to be the most intelligent so I wanted to give it a try, but friends is perfect.

Him: I doubt you make connections with any men.

Me: lol ok. I know I’m beautiful too but thanks for the intelligence compliment. Why would you say I don’t make connections with any men?

Him: Because you’re dry and seem like a lesbian.

Me: No response.

(5 minutes later)

Him: You’re also not feminine enough for men to be attracted to you.

Me: No response.

(30 minutes later)

Him: And I didn’t say you weren’t beautiful. You said that so that’s your thoughts about yourself.

Me: No response.

(10 min later)

Him: I’m cool with being friends though.

Me: No response.

(Next Day)

Him: When do you want to get together again friend?

Me: No response.

I’m actually very feminine and I’ve never had a problem with men not being attracted to me. I get hit on by men all the time, the problem is the types of men that I meet. I know this guy was lashing out at me because he was angry that I didn’t want to see him again so how can I let guys down without getting bashed afterwards?

Dear Dater,

I want to start off by saying this guy is a huge jerk! You did nothing wrong in the way that you let this guy down and it’s a good thing that you stopped responding to his texts instead of letting the situation blow up into something bigger.

Ultimately, you were honest and he tried to make you feel bad about yourself and your ability to attract men simply because you didn’t want to continue dating him. How ridiculous!

In my opinion, you’re actually very lucky because you dodged a huge bullet here! This man sounds like he has a lot of emotional issues he needs to work out. When a person’s first instinct is to hurt you in a situation like this, it’s a red flag.

How To Stop The Bashing

Sadly, you’re not alone in this. There are many women who have had similar experiences where they let a guy know they aren’t interested in him and the guy hurls insults in return.

But to answer your question, in general, there’s nothing you can do to stop a man from bashing you after you end things. You really can’t control how a man will react or respond to you not wanting to go on another date.

What you can control, however, is how you feel. If you let these kind of men make you feel bad about yourself, they win. You need to let their words roll off of you because, at the end of the day, they really don’t know you anyway.

How To Break Up

When you no longer want to continue dating a person, the best thing to do is just be honest. If you weren’t feeling a connection or chemistry, it’s okay to say that. It’s also okay to say that you don’t think you are compatible.

When you break up with someone you’ve only been on a few dates with, it’s always best to keep it short and simple. Of course, the longer you date someone or once you’ve entered an exclusive relationship, the bigger your obligation is to give your boyfriend or girlfriend a full and complete explanation of why you want to break up.

But after just one or two dates, all you can really say is, “I’m sorry, you seem like a nice person, but I just don’t feel a connection.”

How Not To Break Up

What you don’t want to do when you break up with someone is be hurtful, spiteful, rude, antagonistic, have attitude, or unnecessarily point fingers. And it doesn’t look like you did any of this here.

Overall, I think you handled this situation well and your explanation for not wanting to go out on another date was short, appropriate, and to the point. 

The real problem here is that some men can’t handle rejection well. Unfortunately, you could have the best break up line, but for some of the men you date it won’t matter at all. Some men will try to hurt your feelings because they feel hurt by the fact that you’re not interested in them.

Insults or Constructive Feedback?

It’s also important for you to be able to distinguish between hurtful, venom-filled insults and constructive criticism or feedback. Constructive feedback is always good, but that is not what you got from this guy. He couldn’t take your rejection so he insulted you. Don’t let yourself feel bad for that. 

You should definitely continue being honest about why you don’t want to keep dating a man and if a man reacts by insulting you or trying to hurt your feelings, just take it as a reassuring sign that this was not the right man for you!

For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

20 Questions You Should Never Ask A Woman On A First Date

When you meet someone you’re attracted to, there’s usually a natural desire to know more about that person. The problem is, some people have a difficult time understanding the difference between appropriate and inappropriate first date questions.

On the other hand, we can’t ignore the fact that some people knowingly ask offensive questions and just don’t care about whether their date feels comfortable or not.

Make Your Date Feel Comfortable

In order to improve our dating experiences, we need to make sure that we aren’t unnecessarily offending the person we are attracted to. Our dates should feel comfortable and at ease, not on guard waiting for the next insulting question.

You actually decrease your chance of making a great connection with a date when you ask them judgmental questions or questions that force your date to talk about something they aren’t ready to discuss with you.

So, to help your initial encounters with women, I want to share some questions that you should never let leave your lips. The following are 20 real life questions that men have asked women on or before a first date:

1. Why are you single?

2. Are you paying for the date?

3. How old are you?

4. Can I come back to your place or do you want to come back to mine?

5. Is that your real hair?

6. You’re not one of those crazy girls are you?

7. How much do you weigh?

8. Do you have daddy issues?

9. How much do you cost?

10. Do you want to go a to fancy restaurant? (Then takes you to Wendy’s)

11. Can you do a split?

12. What are you mixed with?

13. Can I borrow $1,000? (Or any amount of money)

14. Do you like your feet licked?

15. Are your breasts real?

16. What’s your bra size?

17. What are you cooking me for dinner?

18. How much do you make?

19. Have you cheated on your past boyfriends?

20. Do you know how to use those lips?

Some of these questions clearly indicate that you’re only interested in a casual encounter, i.e. sex. But if you’re genuinely interested in a woman and want to get to know her better these are not the kinds of questions you should ask early on.

Offending a woman on a first date is a sure-fire way to never get a second one so think wisely before asking very personal questions that may make a woman feel uncomfortable around you.

Want additional insight into women’s minds? Check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Barnes & Noble | Amazon

Till Next Time,

Dee

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Help! We Had A Great First Date, But He Hasn’t Called Since

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I had a great first date with this guy, but almost a week has gone by and he hasn’t called or texted me. I thought we made a good connection and were into each other, but now I’m starting to feel like I was wrong.

What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted me in days? Does he not want to see me again? Did I do something wrong? I will admit our date was a Netflix and chill night and he tried to make a few moves on me, but I didn’t sleep with him and only kissed him at the end of the night. Should I reach out to him? Is he waiting to see if I want to continue talking? 

Dear Dater,

If you had a date with a man and he hasn’t called or texted you for more than 3 days after your date, he’s just not that interested in you. However, because this guy wanted to “Netflix and chill” and did make some passes at you, he may not have been looking for a potential relationship and was only interested in getting in your pants.

Since you rejected his advances and only kissed him at the end of the night, he may have decided to move on to an easier target.

Don’t feel bad about this. It’s really a great thing because now this guy won’t be in the way of the right man coming into your life. You don’t want to waste time dating the wrong men so don’t dwell on this situation or reach out to him to force a conversation that isn’t meant to take place.

Also you should avoid having a Netflix and chill date for at least the first 5-6 dates. You don’t want to subject yourself to men making aggressive passes at you or even worse, forcing themselves on you. It’s better to be safe and wait until you get to know a man better before you invite him into your home or go to his.

Furthermore, you’re more likely to move faster with a man when you’re in the comfort of a home as opposed to somewhere like a restaurant. So, hold off on the Netflix and chill and stick to public dates until you’ve gotten to know each other much better.

For more great dating advice and tips for being safe while dating, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Is Your Beauty Routine Putting Your Health At Risk?

Before you go on dates, it’s very important that you put time into making yourself look polished and beautiful. And for many women, this also means getting their eyebrows, upper lip, legs, or bikini area waxed. What’s scary is that, after talking to many women who get waxed, few are aware of a potential health risk they are facing.

Yes, you want to look perfect for your date, but you have to be careful about where you get waxed. If you routinely wax your eyebrows or other areas of your body, you know that your wax technician has to get more wax from the heated container a few times in order to remove all the hair from the area you’re waxing. Here’s the problem, many places that offer waxing services aren’t doing this in a hygienic manner.

What’s The Problem?

You will find that many wax technicians use one wooden stick per customer and will re-dip that same stick in the vat of wax several times, placing any germs that are on your body right into that container of wax. The issue with this is that most places don’t change the wax after each customer. This means that every time your wax technician re-dips the same wooden stick in the wax, they’re putting your bodily germs into all the wax that will be used throughout the day on different people (men and women).

If the place where you get waxed does this with you, they’re doing it with everyone else too, which means you are being exposed to other people’s bodily germs as well. You may have only gone to get your eyebrows or upper lip waxed, but perhaps the person before you got a Brazilian wax with the buttocks strip as well. If your technicians don’t use a new wooden stick every time they get more wax to apply on you, your technician is spreading other people’s germs right onto your eyebrows, upper lip, bikini, or any other area you’re waxing. This is NOT okay.

Where Should You Go?

A good place that offers waxing services will use a new wooden stick every time they get more wax from the heated container so it never gets contaminated and the waxing process remains hygienic. If you get waxed at a place that doesn’t use a new wooden stick each time they dig for more wax, you need to stop going there immediately!!

Call around and find a waxing place that doesn’t double dip their wooden sticks so you don’t expose yourself to unnecessary health risks during the waxing process.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

10 Important First Date Tips

First dates are crucial and if they don’t go well you’re pretty much guaranteed to never see your date again. So, here are 10 important first date tips that will increase your chances of landing a second date:

1. Put Effort Into Your Appearance

You should always put effort into how you look for your dates. Don’t show up like you just rolled out of bed and couldn’t even brush your hair. Look like someone you would want to date. Remember, you’re supposed to be putting your best foot forward on your first dates and you’re not doing that if you look like something the cat dragged in.

Check out my article 6 Must Dos Before A Date for more tips on getting yourself together before a date. If you have trouble finding the right first date outfit, check out my article Are You Picking The Wrong First Date Outfits?

2. Get To Know Your Date The Right Way

Never treat your dates like interviews. You should be getting to know your date through engaging, mutual conversation and not a drawn out Q and A session. You want your date to feel comfortable, not scrutinized and judged so you have to fight the urge to interview your date.

3. Never Talk About Exes

Talking about an ex or exes on first dates is a huge mood killer and it reduces your ability to make a great connection with the person you’re with. You also don’t want your date to get the impression that you aren’t over your ex. You should be focused on enjoying the company of your date, not sharing your love war stories or the trials and tribulations of dating.

4. Avoid Sensitive Subjects

In order to increase your chances of making a great connection on a date, you have to avoid sensitive topics like religion and politics. The time will come to have these conversations, but your first few dates with a man is not it.

5. Don’t Talk About Your Problems

Talking about your problems or flaws on a first date is a huge downer! Not to mention the fact that you will most likely make your date feel uncomfortable. Your dates should be light-hearted and fun, not dark and awkward. Your date is not there to fix your problems, but he can make you feel better without you having to address them if you allow him to show you a good time.

6. Don’t Tell Sad Stories

Dates are supposed to be fun and enjoyable, but just like with talking about your problems, telling sad stories will bring down the mood and make your date feel uncomfortable.

7. Don’t Drink Heavily

You shouldn’t drink heavily on first dates, if at all. Having more than 1-2 drinks on your first date can cause more problems than you realize. My article 4 Problems with Drinking on First Dates explains why.

8. Smile

Many people don’t realize how important it is to smile. Smiles are inviting and they can actually disarm people and get them to open up to you much more. You want your date to let down his guard and feel relaxed with you, smiling will help accomplish this.

9. Mind Your Body language

Body language communicates more than we know. If you have your arms crossed, for example, your date might feel like your closed off and not interested in him. Sitting with your arms crossed puts up a barrier and makes it more difficult to connect with your date and have a good time. In fact, you’re definitely not having a good time if your arms are crossed. So, loosen up, uncross those arms, and really interact with your date.

For more tips on improving your body language on dates, check out my article 5 Tips For Better Dating Body Language.

10. Have Fun!

The most important thing you need to do on your dates is enjoy yourself. If you’re interested in getting married one day, then you want a boyfriend that you can enjoy life with and your first date is your opportunity to see whether this is possible. Forget all your lists, forget what his future goals are, and just see if your date is a man whose company you enjoy.

Check out my article Increase Your Chances of Making a Connection to see how you can improve the connections you make on dates.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Challenge: Don’t Call Him The Day of The Date

You have a date scheduled with a guy this Saturday. When Saturday rolls around, you’re tempted to call or text your date to confirm or make sure he still wants to go out, but you shouldn’t. Instead, wait. Don’t call your date, text, email, Instagram, Snapchat him or anything else.

The reason why you want to do this is so that you can see whether your date would have followed through on his plans with you. Say you don’t contact your date and he doesn’t contact you at all on Saturday, then you know he wasn’t really interested in you to begin with. Some guys will make plans that they don’t necessarily intend to keep. So you don’t want to nudge a guy into a date by reminding him yourself that your supposed to go out.

If a man really wants to see you he isn’t going to forget about the plans you made or flake on them by not contacting you on the day of the date. So I challenge you to not call or text a man first on the day of your date. This way, you won’t ever have to wonder if the date wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t take the time to contact him.

Do yourself a favor and give yourself a chance to see where a man’s head is really at!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time, 

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Blackzheep at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Would you go Dutch on a First Date?

Different women have different sentiments about going dutch on a first date. While some women don’t believe that they should have to split the bill, others have no problem doing it. So, I thought I’d create a survey to see how many of my readers are willing to go half on a first date. Submit your answer to the survey and you’ll be able to see what percentage of women answered yes or no. Also, feel free to leave a comment below with your thoughts!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee