Are you guilty of Facebook stalking your ex-boyfriends?
Well, in this short video, I give you 3 great reasons why you should never stalk your ex on social media!
Want more straight-forward, sugarless dating advice? Get my book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve!
Till Next Time,
If you’re single and wanting a great relationship, but are struggling to get it, you might just be keeping yourself single and not even know it!
I had the honor of returning to The Right to R.E.A.L. Love Radio Show with host Jay Mayo to discuss the top 5 issues that keep women single.
If you’re a woman, you’ve dealt with one or more of these issues at some point in your life! So turn off the TV, put down the phone, and listen in:
The Top 5 Issues That Keep Women Single (Part 1)
The Top 5 Issues That Keep Women Single (Part 2)
If you recognize that you’ve been affected by one or more of these issues and want to break free of them, let me help you through it– grab my book, Picking up the Pieces, or schedule a coaching session today!
Stay tuned for parts 3, 4, and 5!
Till Next Time,
Chapter Two Excerpt
Drop That Emotional Baggage
Your Thoughts, Beliefs, & Emotions Are Crucial
Trust me when I say the thoughts, beliefs, and emotions derived from your past relationships have significant effects on you, how you interact with and treat men, and how you handle your relationships—whether you believe it or not.
The mind is powerful. It takes note of all your thoughts and feelings and files them away accordingly. Then, when you encounter similar scenarios with men, your mind automatically opens that old file and tells you how to feel or act in that moment. And you better believe that your mind allows action and inaction based on all those little beliefs about dating that you’ve filed away in your brain over the years.
This isn’t to say that you have no control over your thoughts and, consequently, how you act. In fact, you do have control. But to exercise that control, you first have to recognize what your beliefs are and where those beliefs come from. Only then can you combat those negative thoughts that turn into negative actions and replace them with new, healthy thoughts that promote positive action and positive results in your dating life.
So instead of continuing to be controlled by your thought that “all men are dogs,” you can replace that thought with this one: “All the men I’ve dated in the past have been dogs, but I’ll no longer give the wrong men my time so that I have a real chance to meet a better man.” You need to make these types of mental shifts.
It’s imperative that you understand how deeply your thoughts about dating and men affect your dating experiences. Remember, if you believe that all men are dogs, you simply won’t put effort into attracting a quality man. You’ll settle for whatever men come along. If you believe that all men cheat, you’ll accept this exact behavior from all the men you date.
Ultimately, those thoughts and beliefs about men and dating that are sitting in your head will get reflected in your real-life world. So if you have negative thoughts about men and dating, those negative thoughts will manifest themselves as real-life results for you. That’s why the only way to change the results you get in your real life is to change and reshape your inner beliefs.
You definitely don’t want your subconscious to produce results in your dating life that don’t make you happy. Meaning, you need to take note of what’s going on in your head so that you can get rid of all those thoughts that don’t support a positive dating life and positive relationships. If you do this, you’ll be well on your way to readying yourself for a great man and a great relationship.
******
Get Picking Up The Pieces today: Amazon | Kindle | Barnes & Noble | Nook Book
Image courtesy of Sakhorn38 at FreeDigitalPhotos.netEvery woman wants a great relationship, but not every woman is willing to put in the necessary work to get there. Although dating can be tough, you can make it more difficult than it has to be. If you want to do better in dating, you’re going to have to get past these 3 Ways Women Play The Victim When Dating:
Dating the same type of men and expecting different results is unrealistic. You set yourself up for failure by dating the same type of men if previous relationships with those kind of men have never worked out.
It’s all too easy to play the victim when you allow yourself to be hurt repetitively. Your friends will comfort you after you’ve been wronged or cheated on, but how many of your friends will tell you that you should have known these problems would come up because you knew the type of person this man was?
While friends want to be there for us after break ups and during fights in a relationship, friends can do you a disservice by not helping you see that you are enabling your own relationship and dating problems. Once you get out of the habit of picking the same kind of men to date, you’ll soon see that not every man will hurt you like your exes.
Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.netIf you believe that “all men are dogs” or “all men cheat” then what will you accept from men? Cheating and bad behavior, right? When you think this way, you’ll allow yourself to date “dogs” and cheaters. You’ll settle for the wrong man because you believe that a good man doesn’t exist. You believe all men will treat you badly.
But, the worst thing you can do is convince yourself that all men are bad. In doing this, you’ll prevent yourself from meeting a good man and having a great relationship. This type of thinking allows you to date an unworthy man without taking responsibility for making this dating choice in the first place.
As a woman, you have to know that your dating life is in YOUR hands. Don’t just choose to date the first man that comes along just because he is there. Be scrutinizing, use your best judgment, and don’t date men that you know are going to hurt you!
Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.netWhen you know your relationship isn’t good for you, but you stay in it anyway, you’re basically setting yourself up to play the victim role. As much as you wish or pray, your relationship isn’t going to get better just because you want it to.
When you have serious problems in your relationship, those problems tend to play out in the relationship over and over. So, if you decide to stay in a bad relationship, you can’t act like a victim when those problems resurface.
We all know that saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!” So, if you’re going to stay in the wrong relationship, continue to date the same kind of men, or claim that all men are bad, you can’t act like a helpless victim when the obvious does happen.
Stop blaming men for your dating problems and take responsibility for the men you choose to date, then you’ll notice changes in the quality of your relationships.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
As much as you may not want to hear this, everyone has dating flaws. The difference is in the people that recognize their flaws and actively work towards positive change. It’s true, no one is perfect and we can’t change everything about ourselves. But, for the things that we can change, we should work on them.
Everyone wants a good man or a good woman, but many people don’t think about the fact that a good man deserves a good woman (and vice versa). So, if you’re not getting the results that you want in your dating life, it’s time for some deep introspection!
You need to figure out where your dating or relationships are going wrong so that you can make an effort to improve your behavior in those areas.
Everyone wants dating tips and trick for landing a great person, but very few people are interested in bettering themselves to increase their chances of finding the one. You can have all the dating tips and tricks in the world, but if you’re not right inside, your relationship won’t be either.
Take the time to figure out what it is that has been holding you back in your dating life and work towards positive improvement. Then you can worry about tips and tricks for finding and keeping Mr. Right!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
How do you answer questions about why you’re single or why your last relationship ended?
Dear Dater,
Less is always more!
If you’ve been asked questions like these by someone you recently met, keep your answers short and sweet!
If you’re asked why you’re single, the best answer is always “you haven’t met the right person.” And, this isn’t a lie, it’s true!
If you already met the right person, you’d still be with him.
The Time Will Come To Open Up
After you’ve been on several dates, if you’re asked details about why your past relationship ended you can open up a bit more. But, remember, the new person you’re dating doesn’t need all the nitty gritty details.
When you’ve been dating someone for awhile, of course you’ll have to speak more openly about why it ended with your ex.
If a past relationship ended as a result of your own bad behavior, own up to what you did and be sure to tell the person how you learned from that mistake and that you’d never do that to someone again.
It’s easy to scare new dates off with what they may perceive as problems that you have. Too much information too soon can definitely kill a potential relationship. Check out the post I wrote about this: One Thing That Kills A Potential Relationship is…
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Yours Truly,
Dee
Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
During the course of a relationship, we usually cultivate many things from our partner. From gifts, to “borrowed” shirts and sweaters, it’s easy to rack up a lot of items from your boyfriend.
But, after a break up, should you be keeping any of these things?
The answer is no.
Image courtesy of Marcolm at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why You Shouldn’t Keep Your Exes Stuff
When you’re trying to get over a relationship, the last thing you need is to have a bunch of stuff around your house that constantly reminds you of your ex and the relationship you had.
Your exes stuff could send you into emotional lows and put you back in that sad place that you were in at the end of the relationship.
Keeping your exes stuff around definitely makes it more difficult to get over the relationship.
These little reminders of your ex will only prolong and delay the healing process after your break up.
And, this is definitely not what you want.
Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Let’s Make A Distinction
For some women, yes, seeing an exes things or the gifts he gave can send them into emotional spirals.
But, there are some women who can break up with a boyfriend and not be emotionally affected by seeing some of his stuff.
Take for example, the sweater you took from your boyfriend and love wearing because it’s huge and super comfortable!
Some women might see this sweater after a break up and cry into it. While other women may continue to wear the sweater and simply enjoy its comfort with no emotional attachments or issues.
Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why Make This Distinction?
I have to make a distinction between women who can keep some of their exes things without being emotionally affected by it and women who can’t.
If you can separate the emotional attachments between your ex and certain items, then you don’t necessarily need to get rid of everything.
If your ex got you a gift that you’ve always wanted and you won’t be reminded of him every time you look at it, then there’s no need to junk the gift.
But, do keep in mind that even if you are great at separating your emotions from the gifts your ex gave you, a new boyfriend could have a problem with you keeping some of these things anyway.
Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why Do You Need Your Exes Stuff?
While it may seem harsh to get rid of your exes stuff after the relationship, sometimes it’s the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
You don’t need a bunch of CDs, pictures, and other things to remind you of your ex.
At the end of the day, you’ll always have your memories and no one can take that from you.
So, don’t allow yourself to unnecessarily hold on to things from your past relationships.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
You’re not necessarily supposed to be in a relationship for every year of your adult life. Yet, you’ll often find women who are envious of their friends with serial relationships.
You know the women I’m talking about, the ones who are never single for more than a few weeks at a time, the ones who jump from one relationship to the very next without even batting an eye. They’ve always had serial relationships.
But, these are not women to be jealous or envious of.
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
How Many Relationships Should You Have?
If you’re wondering how many relationships you’re supposed to have, realize that there is no magic number that’s going to bring you any closer to your “Mr. Right.”
Your chances of meeting the right man and getting married is not dependent upon the number of relationships that you’ve had in your life.
At the end of the day, what’s truly important is your ability to learn from your past relationships in order to recognize and change those things that prevent you from attracting quality men and healthy relationships.
If you jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to think about the choices you made or bad behavior you accepted, you’ll continue to have bad relationship after bad relationship and you’ll face the same issues each time if not worse.
Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Inhibiting Self-Awareness & Change
Some women won’t leave a bad relationship until there’s another man to latch onto and this isn’t healthy at all. In doing this, you avoid facing and addressing serious issues you have with yourself and your relationships.
Going from relationship to relationship, doesn’t give yourself enough time to heal, learn, and grow from that experience. But, why is this important?
It’s important because you’ll never learn the lessons you’re supposed to from your past relationships with men. It’s important because you’ll continue to choose the wrong kind of men and make the same mistakes over and over.
Serial relationships don’t enable you to do the deep soul-searching that needs to be done to figure out why you chose to date your ex, what mistakes you made, and what changes need to be made in your dating life.
Be accountable, be knowledgable of your actions and yourself, take the time to reflect on your relationship and heal before you look to getting into another one!
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Are You Envying A Healthy Relationship?
Some women are jealous of another woman’s serial relationships, not because those relationships are healthy or have a great dynamic, but simply because they just want a boyfriend too.
Most of the time, when women are envious of their friends with serial relationships, those relationships are usually unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be envied at all.
The truth is, you should never envy another person’s relationship. The old saying is certainly true, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.”
Unfortunately, many women are more than happy to put up fake fronts about how great their relationship is, even if she’s miserable in it.
Therefore, you should never get caught up wanting what someone else has. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors.
Don’t Entertain Self-Doubt
When you have a friend that easily finds her next relationship, it may make you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t able to do the same.
But, you aren’t inadequate or lacking in any way simply because you haven’t had as many relationships as your friends or because you’ve been single for awhile.
Don’t be jealous or envious of your friends that always have a man. Focus on growing as a person and taking much needed lessons from your past relationships and dealings with men so your next relationship will be a better and healthier one!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
For more great dating advice and must-read dating articles, Follow me on Twitter Here and on Facebook Here
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
There are some women who have a preference for dating older men while other women just “happen” into these relationships.
Majority of the time, women date older men that remind them of their fathers or who fulfill some fatherly role for them.
Although this happens more so with women who grew up without a father in their life, even women who did have a father growing up find themselves looking to an older man for certain qualities or support that a father would provide.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Dating Older Men
The truth is, you shouldn’t be dating a man because he provides you with something you’re father never did or used to when he was alive.
Dating an older man can be tricky because sometimes you’ll find that older men play just as many games with your heart as younger men, except they’re much better at the game than any youngster out there!
Older men understand women much more and can easily use that to manipulate a younger woman’s mind and emotions.
You definitely need to understand whether your feelings for an older man are genuine or a by-product of missing or craving some fatherly like fulfillment in your life.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
“Aging Out”
When you date an older man you always have to worry about whether you’re going to “age out” of the relationship.
Meaning, you’ll constantly be stressing about whether you’re getting too old for your older man.He may just have a thing for younger women.
He may like the ease that comes with dating a younger, more naive person.
Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Relationship Awareness
Just be cognizant of the reasons you and your older man want a relationship with each other.
Make sure it’s coming from a healthy place on BOTH sides!
Deal with your daddy issues and make sure you aren’t replacing your father with your boyfriend.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Many women feel they need a man to “complete” them. They’ll say a man is their “better half” or “he completes me.”
But, the truth is, a man can’t complete you. Only you can complete you! Two halves won’t actually make a whole, so you need to feel whole with or without a man.
It’s unfair to yourself to base your completeness and happiness on whether you’re in a relationship.
And, if you do, you’ll be miserable when you’re single and possibly desperate for any man who will show you attention.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What’s The Root of the Issue?
To say that a man completes you, is to say that you have some void in your life without a man.
You have to be complete on your own before entering a relationship or this could cause other serious issues with your boyfriend.
Ultimately, dependency issues may be at the root of needing a man to “complete” you. Are you clingy or needy in your relationships?
You may find yourself not wanting to do any activities without your boyfriend. Or, maybe you don’t want him to do any activities without you.
Either way, falling victim to this “he completes me” mentality may lead you to becoming unhealthily dependent on your boyfriend and relationship.
It’s time to start evaluating yourself. You need to figure out why you think you need a man to complete you.
Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Self-Actualization
If you say that a man completes you, then you’re incomplete when he’s gone. What are you when your “better half” leaves?
Why aren’t you a complete person without a man?
Honestly think about these questions so that you can help yourself come to terms with the fact that you’re an amazing woman who doesn’t need any person to complete you!
You are and always will be a whole person. You were born as a complete woman and to allow yourself to think otherwise is absurd.
A man is meant to complement who you are, NOT complete you! Remember that!!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Image courtesy of Pat138241/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Unfortunately, many women who are hurt by men start feeling like they aren’t as pretty or smart as they really are.
Why is it that women tend to base their self-esteem and self-confidence on how men treat them or feel about them?
The hardships women face in dealing with men, frequently force women to rethink the way they feel about themselves and this isn’t right!!
Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Dating Problems Are Just That
The problems you experience in dating are just that, dating problems and nothing more. These problems shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself and your beauty!
When men have problems in their relationships, do you think they start questioning their self-worth?
Or do you think they take those problems for what they are and not let them turn into other self-esteem issues?
When you have problems in your dating life, you definitely need to do some deep thinking about what went wrong and how you may have contributed to those problems.
But, the last thing you need to start thinking is, “Am I not pretty enough? Skinny enough? Entertaining enough?”
You can’t let a man make you feel badly about those fundamental things about yourself. You felt beautiful when you first started dating him, right? So, why should you not feel beautiful when you stop dating him?
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
His Games Shouldn’t Affect Your Self-Worth
Just because a man has chosen to play games with your heart or lead you on, doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great woman! A man’s issues shouldn’t lead you to have more issues of your own.
Take responsibility for the problems you caused or enabled in your relationships, but NEVER EVER think that you are any less of the smart, beautiful, caring woman that you were when he met you.
Your self-confidence should never be a reflection of how men feel about you!
Even if he cheats on you, you can’t start convincing yourself that you aren’t pretty.
Image courtesy of Nuchylee/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Maintain Your Self-Esteem
Self-Esteem is just that, SELF–esteem. It’s YOU that determines it, not a man and certainly not the world.
You have to know your worth and maintain your self-confidence no matter what you go through with men.
Now, I know it’s much easier to say don’t let men’s bad behavior affect your self-esteem than actually living it.
But, the truth is, you’re giving men way too much control over your emotional well-being and self-esteem by letting them dictate your level of self-confidence.
No matter what you go through in this world, know your worth and NEVER FORGET IT!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee!
This is a great post by the Single Dating Diva! She addressed whether you should still date if you are emotionally unavailable.
I believe that you should still date when you are emotionally unavailable, in fact, I think it’s a great idea to continue dating! This is so that you can take note of any bad habits or negative attitudes you have developed as a result of your traumatic experiences or emotional unavailability.
By knowing and understanding your behavior and where it stems from you can work on changing or downplaying those behaviors in the future.
I think it’s easy to pick up and ingrain negative habits and attitudes as a result of the bad experiences we have gone through. Unfortunately, some of these bad habits will stick with us long after the heartache is gone. So, we definitely have to be cognizant of ourselves in this respect.
Our dates shouldn’t be more aware of our negative behaviors than ourselves. In order to change, in order to be better, we first have to know what the problem is. We have to know what is holding us back.
This is a great post, check out the Single Dating Diva’s Blog for the full post!!
There are so many things to consider when you’re meeting someone new. You have to determine if you’re attracted to them, decipher if you have a connection with them, gauge your overall interest in them … but there’s one thing you can’t tell, not right away at least, you can’t tell if they’re emotionally available. This could be related to, but not exactly the same as, baggage. Being emotionally available is being open and ready to enter into a relationship with someone. Emotional availability can help or hinder a prospective relationship. It’s a component of the glue, if you will, that holds things together. How? Well, let me explain.
I recently came across this article called How to Spot Emotional Unavailability and the author spoke about the ways you can determine whether or not someone is emotionally unavailable and I completely agree and wanted…
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No relationship is perfect and every relationship needs work, but real love does not equal pain and suffering.
I’ve been single and dating for about 35 years. I cannot begin to count the number of hours I’ve spent first revisiting each thrilling moment with whomever was my newest love interest and then, soon enough, miserably dissecting the meaning behind his every word and action looking for a clue about how he felt and where our relationship was going.
For me, the first flush of “love” was so heady, a giggle in my tummy, a big, old endorphin rush, brain-soaking-in-chemicals, walking-on-air high. I would be obsessed and infatuated and fully charged. The feeling was deliciously addictive and it was easy to want to fall in “love” with that mysterious, smouldering stranger or smiling sweetie who made me feel soooooo good. 
But here’s the trouble with highs and addictions – they have a dark side. The high doesn’t last forever. Eventually I’d crash. I’d hurt. I’d be confused, needy, exposed…
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Dee's Dating Diary 