In this short video, I’m sharing dating advice that EVERY woman needs to hear! Go ahead and click play!
Till Next Time,
In this short video, I provide 4 great dating advice tips on how to meet new men. If you’re having a hard time meeting new men to date or just can’t seem to locate quality men, then this video is definitely for you!
Till Next Time,
Are you guilty of Facebook stalking your ex-boyfriends?
Well, in this short video, I give you 3 great reasons why you should never stalk your ex on social media!
Want more straight-forward, sugarless dating advice? Get my book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve!
Till Next Time,
Join me this Saturday, March 24th, for the Women’s Empowerment Mini-Workshop on Women’s Health Awareness!
In this month’s workshop, we’ll be focusing on ways for us to take better care of our medical, mental, and spiritual health. This is an area we can all stand to learn more about!
Space is limited so reserve your spot today! –> Eventbrite
Hope to see you there,
Have you ever been dating a man and suddenly he disappears into thin air and drops off of the face of the planet? Most of us have!
In this short video, I discuss 6 common unacceptable excuses men give for going MIA while dating.
If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my YouTube Channel– A Moment with Dee Simone — for full access to all of my dating advice videos.
Till Next Time,
Wondering if your boyfriend will ever marry you?
In this video, I discuss 10 signs that show you that your boyfriend will never propose to you or marry you. If you like the video, please subscribe to my YouTube Channel– A Moment with Dee Simone.
Also, check out these must-read articles:
Till Next Time,
Join me in Miami on Saturday, March 17th, at the 2nd Annual Sip & Paint With Relationship Advice where I’ll be dropping much-needed dating advice!
Come out to enjoy a fun afternoon of painting and delicious cocktails!
Space is limited so get your ticket today –> Eventbrite
Hope to see you there!
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
How would you know if it’s a date or just a hang out?
Usually, you should be able to tell by the way he asked you.
Did he ask if you want to go out or did he ask if you want to hang out or get together? If he didn’t specifically ask to “take you out,” “go out,” “do something,” or anything else along those lines, then you’re probably not being asked out on a date.
Generally speaking, if you’re being asked to “hang out,” it’s just that, a hang out. But, if the plan is to hang out at a place other than your homes, like a park or any other public place, then it probably is a date.
If you can’t tell from how he asked, you should know what the rendezvous is about when it’s closer to the time of your planned meeting. Closer to that time, your date should be telling you what the plan is. But…
You can also subtly sneak this into conversation by saying something like, “I’m looking forward to getting together on Saturday, did you have anything in mind you wanted to do?” This way, you can gauge what his intentions are as far as it being a date or a hang out/Netflix and chill.
If he responds to this with, “Nope” or “I thought we could just chill and watch a movie,” then you know what it is.
However, if he says something like, “I’m not sure, what would you like to do?” Then I would take it as a date!
I hope this helps and thanks for reaching out to me with your dating question!
Start attracting the men and relationships you really want! Get my book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve!
BREAKING NEWS!! I’ve started a YouTube channel– A Moment With Dee Simone!
In A Moment With Dee Simone, I’ll be sharing great, need-to-know dating advice, but don’t worry, I’ll also post one video a week here on Dee’s Dating Diary every Saturday at 8pm EST!
In this week’s video (above), I’m giving all the ladies what they really want… Dating advice on how to date rich men!!
If you like this video, please give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my new channel!!
Recently, Hushed wrote an article called 25 Things You Need To Know About Dating in 2018 and they asked me to share my best piece of advice for online daters.
Want to know what it is? Check out the article — Hushed
Till Next Time,
Calling all my Miami ladies!!
SAVE THE DATE– Saturday, February 24, 2018
Are you ready to live a happier, more fulfilling life? Then you won’t want to miss this awesome mini-workshop where I’ll be a guest speaker!
With Felisha Monet, of 99 Jams Radio Station in Miami, hosting and other great speakers, this is just the thing you need to kick your 2018 into high gear!
Refreshments and workbooks will be provided!
Space is limited so secure your spot today! —> Eventbrite
Hope to see you there!
It’s finally here! Parts 3, 4, and 5 of The Top 5 Issues That Keep Women Single!
If you missed the first two parts of this series, you can catch up on it here:
I’m also doing a FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY, in partner with The Right to R.E.A.L. Love Radio Show, for my book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve!
At the end of this month, 4 lucky winners will randomly be selected to receive a FREE paperback copy of Picking up the Pieces!
Enter here for your chance to win! —> Book Giveaway Entry
Till Next Time,
If you’re single and wanting a great relationship, but are struggling to get it, you might just be keeping yourself single and not even know it!
I had the honor of returning to The Right to R.E.A.L. Love Radio Show with host Jay Mayo to discuss the top 5 issues that keep women single.
If you’re a woman, you’ve dealt with one or more of these issues at some point in your life! So turn off the TV, put down the phone, and listen in:
If you recognize that you’ve been affected by one or more of these issues and want to break free of them, let me help you through it– grab my book, Picking up the Pieces, or schedule a coaching session today!
Stay tuned for parts 3, 4, and 5!
Till Next Time,
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I exchanged phone numbers with someone through an online dating app and he immediately called me. The first thing he says to me is, “What are your deal-breakers?”
The question threw me off and I guess I was silent for a few seconds so he quickly says, “Well I asked because I have a big deal-breaker and if we don’t agree then dating each other isn’t going to work out.” I was kind of shocked because I’ve never had a man say anything like this to me before, but I was also really curious about what this deal breaker was so I asked him, “What’s your deal-breaker?”
He says, “Do you believe in evolution??”
I’m like, “Uhhh, I’m Christian so I believe God created people as opposed to us evolving from a species of animal.” Well, this set him clean off!
He says, “I received my master’s in evolutionary biology so I literally specifically studied this stuff and there is a lot of clear evidence and proof that we evolved from another species and if you don’t believe it then you’re just ignorant because the facts of evolution are out there and it’s true!”
I said, “I do believe in Darwinism and survival of the fittest, but I don’t believe we evolved from another species.” He then said I need to educate myself because science has proved this to be undoubtedly true.
At this point, I felt pretty offended and put off and got a little combative with him, I said, “Science had also been used in the past to prove the inferiority of black people and women so I’m not sold on anything just because it came from some random scientists. It was science that once said black people are better athletes because we have an extra muscle or something.”
My point was just that science has been used in the past to promote other agendas and I don’t just blindly believe everything that comes from scientists.
I could tell he definitely didn’t like what I said and he proceeded to question my education and asked me if I had even gone to college. I told him I also have a graduate degree, but not in evolutionary biology. Then I asked him, “So what job can you get with a masters in evolutionary biology other than a job teaching that very subject?” –I know I was being rude, but I was offended and couldn’t bite my tongue anymore…
He responded, “Right now, I tutor graduate students in the evolutionary biology program.”
I laughed really hard, in my head. LOL!
I was completely turned off by this guy and didn’t want to continue our back and forth jabs so I told him I had to get ready for bed and needed to go. He said, “Even though you don’t believe in evolution, I can tell you’re smart and I would like to talk again.”
I said, “Okay,” but got off the phone and never responded to him again.
Although he was willing to give me a chance even though I don’t believe in evolution, he really rubbed me the wrong way and I just didn’t want to talk to him ever again. Am I wrong? Should I have given him a chance?
Wow! That’s a new one. I thought I had heard it all, as far as deal-breakers, but I guess not!
It’s definitely strange that someone’s deal-breaker would be not believing in evolution, but, hey, plenty of people have plenty of unreasonable wants in a partner.
While I do acknowledge that some of us have beliefs that we need our partner to share, I don’t feel that believing in evolution needs to be one of those shared beliefs.
Here’s the kicker for this guy, just because a woman believes in evolution doesn’t mean that she’s a good person or will be a great girlfriend or wife one day. Believing in evolution definitely doesn’t speak to whether someone will treat you well, respect you, or even stay faithful to you.
So it’s pretty unreasonable for him to think that believing in evolution is going to make a woman right for him. And, unfortunately for him, this particular deal-breaker is going to cut him off from a lot of amazing women in this world!
Obviously, this guy connected with you on some level and may have felt that he was being unreasonable with the evolution thing, which is why he said he wanted to talk to you again anyway. However, it’s completely understandable if he has put such a bitter taste in your mouth that you never want to talk to him again.
In my personal opinion, he’s probably not the right person for you anyway because the man you’re meant to be with would never call you ignorant or insult your intelligence just because you don’t believe in evolution or his other beliefs.
It’s one thing to have different opinions and it’s another thing to insult and offend people simply because they don’t share your opinions or beliefs. Meaning, you should still be aware of how the men you date are talking to you. A man who is willing to put you down and insult you because he doesn’t like your perspective is not a man worth your time.
It’s okay to have different views, but it’s not okay to be rude to someone because they don’t believe what you believe.
At the end of the day, you always have to trust your gut instinct and if it’s telling you to run for the hills, then run for the hills!!
Thanks for sharing your experience and I wish you all the best in life and love!
What happens afterwards, though, that is the most important part.
You see, we all tend to internalize negative feelings about ourselves because our dating life or relationships are going the way we want them to. And so we bash and blame ourselves for someone else’s actions, thinking things like–
Of course, there’s an endless list of nasty and negative things that we beat ourselves up with.
And why? Why do we do this on a regular basis??
We do it because, for some strange reason, it’s easier than loving ourselves and pushing away men who aren’t good for us.
Most of us have been trapped in that cycle of living for other people’s acknowledgment, love, and approval. If we do start to like ourselves a little bit in some area, it’s usually only a matter of time before we qualify our confidence and reduce it accordingly.
Our self-image and confidence is often based on what society and the media tells us we are supposed to be. But when we let the outside world decide how we need to look, what will “complete” us, and what we need in order to be happy, we’re actually deciding to live unfulfilled, unhappy, loveless lives.
Remember, when you don’t love yourself, you can’t truly let a healthy love come into your life.
Translated to the dating world, many of us have allowed our confidence to be entirely based on how men treat us or view us, how often men are calling us, or how often they tell us we’re “beautiful,” “gorgeous,” or “sexy.”
You should never need to hear a man say, “you’re beautiful,” to truly believe it deep down inside.
Think about it this way, if you’re dating a man who constantly tells you that you’re beautiful and you start believing it and feeling really good about yourself, what is going to happen if you break up with this man?
Your confidence is going to drop quicker than it rose and that’s because it was never true internal confidence. In these situations, you’re building up an artificial confidence that feels real at the time, but isn’t. It’ll only last as long as you’re in that particular relationship and the man hasn’t messed up.
Get Control Over Your Confidence
Unless you do the internal work to regain control of your self-image and, therefore, your self-esteem and self-confidence, you feeling good will always be dependent on men, society, and the media.
The process begins with self-awareness and ends with a discovery and love of all the greatness within you.
Start by asking yourself these questions:
Cultivate Your Own Joy
I frequently hear women say they’ll be happy when they find a husband and have kids, but the truth is, there are no external things that can make you happy.
If you can’t be happy right here and now, exactly where you are, a marriage and kids won’t change that. A marriage won’t fix any of your problems, in fact, it might make them worse.
So make a decision to take control of your self-image, self-esteem, and overall confidence today! The first greatest love of your life is going to be with yourself!
If you need help getting there, don’t stress! Schedule a dating coaching session today and grab my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
This week, I had the honor of being featured in a DatingAdvice.com article. The article really captured what I’m about and how I’m working to improve the dating world for women.
“According to Dee’s dating philosophy, when a woman knows her worth, she causes men to treat her better, and that can change the dating ecosystem one relationship at a time…”
Read the full DatingAdvice.com article here: “Dating Coach & Blogger Dee Simone Inspires Single Women to Love Themselves & Know Their Worth“
Stay tuned because I’m bringing you more great dating advice next Saturday at 8pm EST!
Till Next Time,
P.S. Don’t forget to grab your copy of my new book– Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve
Whether you’re spending the holiday with family and loved ones or spending the holiday alone, remember not to focus on what you’re lacking this holiday so you can maximize your happiness and enjoyment during this time.
I’ll be going on vacation for the holiday, but will be back on Saturday, January 13, 2018. Don’t worry, you can still get great dating advice every single day if you follow me on Facebook and Twitter!
See you in the new year and don’t forget to be…
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Dee’s Dating Diary!
Are you a single mom who is ready to start dating again? Are you already dating and want to make sure your children aren’t negatively impacted by it? Or do you just want to know how to ensure that your children have healthy relationships when they grow up?
You’re definitely going to want to join me on Source Radio’s Family Mix Mondays where I’ll be discussing what exactly you need to know as a single parent who is dating!
Hosted by Licensed Professional Counselor Jaketra Bryant, you don’t want to miss this show!
Call 619-924-0933 on Monday, December 18th at 6:15pm EST, to listen to the show live. You can also listen to the show on YouTube
Our past relationships have a big impact on who we choose to date in the future. Whether it leads us to dating better men or the same types of men we previously dated really just depends on whether we properly processed (mentally) our past relationships, learned the necessary lessons, and implement positive changes.
Unfortunately, most women don’t do this.
And while this perpetuates many different dating and relationship problems, today I want to focus on a more subtle problem that kills great relationships– thinking a “spark” is missing.
What Is The “Spark?”
The Merriam-Webster dictionary has several definitions for the word “spark.” However, the one that best fits relationships is this: “something that sets off a sudden force.” And still, this definition is pretty vague.
In the end though, it doesn’t really matter how any dictionary or person defines a spark because the spark is really what we individually believe it to be. One woman might believe that the spark is having butterflies in her stomach while another woman might feel that the spark is wanting to continue talking to someone for hours on end.
Ultimately, the spark is a highly subjective concept.
Every woman is looking for that spark when she’s dating a man. But how do you actually define a spark and is your definition of a spark hurting your relationships or leading you to dating terrible guys?
Are You Used To The Emotional Roller Coaster?
When women date men who treat them poorly and put them through a lot of ups and downs, which I call the emotional roller coaster, they consequently develop unhealthy attachments to these men and often confuse those feelings of extreme anxiety then satisfaction, during the ups and downs, as a strong spark and growing feelings of love.
They think those anxious feelings they have while waiting for Mr. Wrong to do right are really butterflies. But they’re not…
Then, when they meet a good man who is honest, genuine, and grounded, they think a spark is missing and, therefore, must be dating the wrong man.
Are You Really Missing A “Spark?”
But before you cut things off with your next boyfriend because you think there’s no spark in the relationship, ask yourself this–are we lacking a connection or is there just a lack of drama in the relationship?
It’s extremely important that you evaluate what you believe the spark is because some women easily confuse stability as a lack of a spark when they’ve wrongfully internalized drama as the norm.
So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re dating the right man because you feel that something is missing, think: am I missing a spark or am I missing the drama?
Be honest with yourself so you can openly embrace a great, stable relationship with a great man!
Till Next Time,
During this holiday season, don’t focus on the fact that you don’t have a boyfriend or you aren’t married, or that you don’t have a plus one for your holiday parties and events.
During the holiday season, it’s so easy to focus on what you don’t have– I don’t have a man, I don’t have a great job, I don’t have a good living situation, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t. But, focusing on what you lack only takes away your happiness and enables feelings of sadness, depression, and feeling “less than.”
Being Single During The Holidays
When you have to get together with family and friends over the holidays, it can be nerve-wrecking if you’re worried about conversations that will lead to what you don’t have right now or what’s wrong in your life.
But, instead of taking away your joy and happiness by focusing on what you don’t have, try something new this holiday–focus on what you do have and be grateful for it!
Acknowledging and expressing gratefulness for the things you do have will allow you to productively take stock of all the great things in your life. As time goes on, we have a habit of focusing on all the little things that we feel are going wrong and we forget about all the great things we have accomplished, earned, or brought into our lives.
Increase Your Happiness & Joy This Holiday
By focusing on being grateful, you’ll ultimately increase your happiness because you’ll be fully aware of the wonderful things you have going on in your life.
The next time you start feeling sad or down about your situation, think about a time that you were really happy. Think about a time you accomplished something you were really proud of. By doing this, you will bring out those joyous feelings you had at that time. And, you need to embrace these positive emotions and let them wash over you and bring you back to that happy place you once were.
Do this anytime you start feeling bad due to your flawed belief that you’re lacking something.
Remember, you are enough and you’re not lacking anything! You don’t need a man to complete you because you were already created as a complete human being.
Till Next Time,
I had the privilege of going on Renaissance Relationship Therapy with Life Purpose Coach and Matchmaker Tem’Ti to discuss flawed belief systems that keep women single.
Find out what beliefs you’re holding on to that are preventing you from getting that amazing love and relationship you truly want. Listen to the show below!
Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up The Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve!
Meet My Type Proudly Introduces “LOVE tells,” an original web project that helps couples figure out their… situation. Want to participate?
If you’ve been dating a few months and wonder, “Are we right for each other?” Then we want to talk to you!
Go to www.meetmytypes.com/lovetells for more info, and to submit you and your mate for this exciting opportunity. Learn the truth behind what YOUR love tells!
Join me on Saturday, November 18, 2017 for a book signing at The Edge’s Women’s Empowerment Conference! I will be donating 25% of my book sales from the conference to benefit EDGE children who are underprivileged and have been victimized.
During the conference, you’ll listen to, learn from, and converse with dynamic speakers who will share their take on the importance of the mind, body, and soul connection.
You’ll hear from women in the community who are proven leaders and make a personal, professional, and philanthropic difference everyday.
All proceeds will benefit EDGE children.
Don’t miss this amazing, empowering conference! Get your tickets today– Eventbrite
Want to get my book before the conference? Buy it on Amazon today!
Join me in Ft. Lauderdale, FL on Saturday, November 11, 2017 for “Let’s Talk About Relationships & Dating!”
There will be a dynamic panelist of speakers offering insight on relationships and dating. Be prepared to learn, laugh, and talk about it!
You’ll also be able to get a signed copy of my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Get your ticket today on Eventbrite!
After years of being single or years of dealing with bad relationships, you have to make sure that you continue to love yourself and that your actions and beliefs about dating actually support a healthy, loving relationship. So here are 25 love quotes that will uplift you, make you think, and help you step into your greatness:
I provided Andreas Michaelides of Thirsty For Health with a complementary copy of Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve in exchange for an honest review. Here’s some of what he said:
“This book is an efficient down to earth guide for women that want to stop having failed relationships. It covers a lot of issues that a woman should take into consideration and also fix in her life to be able to attract the right man into her life…
I loved the engagement the exercises offer with the reader… I am not a woman, but the philosophy can be applied to both sexes. I learned a lot about me. I did all the exercises, I had to twist the questions for men, but it was a fun thing to do. Also, the book helped me realize and understand a lot of issues I had with my ex-wife and even see and comprehend a lot of her behavior, especially her jealousy scenes…” Continue reading on Thirsty For Health
Till Next Time,
The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), an issue that affects women, children, and even men.
History of Domestic Violence Awareness Month
In 1989, Congress designated the month of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month and this evolved from the “Day of Unity,” which was conceived by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and held in October of 1981.
“The intent was to connect advocates across the nation who were working to end violence against women and their children. The Day of Unity soon became an entire week devoted to a range of activities conducted at the local, state, and national level,” which had the common themes of mourning those who died because of domestic violence, celebrating those who survived, and connecting those working to end violence (National Resource Center on Domestic Violence).
Review these important safety tips regarding your use of technology: Safety Tips
There are free cell phone donation programs, shelters, and even housing assistance programs available to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. Contact your local domestic violence program, rape crisis center, or domestic violence hotline for more information about resources that are available in your area.
If you have been sexually assaulted, call the U.S. National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE) and you will automatically be connected to a local U.S. rape crisis program based on the area code of your phone number. You can also contact them using a secure, online private chat.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline today for help at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
If you are in danger, please call 911.
The Urban Dictionary defines an open relationship as, “A relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can’t exactly promise that they won’t see other people too. Basically, to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people. Common during college for many post-high school relationships.”
In my last post, I conducted an informal survey to see if a large amount of people are open to open relationships. This is what I found:
Of the 9 people who participated in this survey, 7 people (77.78%) said they are open to open relationships and 2 people (22.22%) said they were not open to it. Although only a few people took the survey, I was definitely expecting the results to be the other way around. This tells me that more people are open to polyamorous relationships than I initially thought.
Are Open Relationships Just About Sex?
Having a personal preference for monogamous relationships, I had to get insight from other people to find out what really makes people open to open relationships. What was surprising for me to learn was that having an open relationship is not just about being able to have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want.
While some people, including women, do feel that it isn’t realistic to have one sexual partner for the rest of their life, some people’s preference for open relationships have nothing to do with sex.
So what other reasons do people have for seeking open relationships?
Why People Want Open Relationships
Some people like open relationships because it takes pressure off of the relationship while others feel it leaves them open to meeting a better match or satisfying emotional desires that aren’t being met within the relationship.
If you find yourself in a position where you feel like you’re in love with two people at the same time, an open relationship with both people would be the most ideal path forward (not necessarily for everyone involved though).
Some people also feel that exclusivity or monogamy has connotations of ownership and possession that they don’t want to subscribe to. These people feel that if they are in an open relationship and their partner chooses to come home to them every night, the decision to be together feels more meaningful since the option to be with other people is readily available.
There are also women who enter open relationships only because it’s what their boyfriend wants and they want to keep their boyfriend happy in order to keep the relationship going.
Is There Jealousy In Open Relationships?
Canvassing people’s opinions on open relationships has been very enlightening, but it ultimately left me with this question: how prevalent is jealousy in open relationships and can it be resolved without resorting back to a monogamous relationship?
Let me know your thoughts below and your reasons for preferring monogamous or polyamorous relationships.
Till Next Time,
Due to Hurricane Irma, Dee’s Dating Diary will return on Saturday, October 7, 2017.
Open relationships have become much more prevalent. While they used to be an underground kind of thing, more and more people are being open about the fact that they’re in an open relationship.
With open relationships on the climb, I wonder how many people are really open to the open relationship. Be sure to answer the survey above and we’ll discuss the results next week!
Till Next Time,
I’m so honored to be recognized by YES! Women on the Rise in the their Friday Feature! The purpose of YES (Young, Educated, and Successful) is to encourage and accelerate the development of young women on the rise.
This year, YES! is hosting an exclusive and intimate brunch with top influential women in business, health, and entertainment. You’ll be able to hear from industry leaders on the essentials of becoming not only a Boss, but a Leader!
If you’re in the Atlanta, GA area on Saturday, September 24, 2017, come out for this inspiring and empowering event! Reserve Your Spot
When you’re dating, one of the most important things to look for in a man is consistency. Consistency is truly key!
What Is Consistency?
Consistency in dating basically means that a man’s behavior with you remains the same for as long as you date.
For example, if you’re dating a man and you see him every weekend for a month then you suddenly only see him randomly on weekdays, this is inconsistent behavior and, therefore, a red flag. If you talk on the phone everyday then only speak only a few times a week or only exchange texts here and there, this behavior is inconsistent and tells you that this man won’t be a long-term partner.
Consistency in dating also includes consistency between a man’s words (what he tells you) and his actions (what he is actually doing). For example, if a man says he is going to call you tomorrow and doesn’t, there’s no consistency between his words and actions.
If a man’s words aren’t consistent with his actions, this lets you know that his words are lies and can’t be relied on. Remember, men’s actions will always tell you how they truly feel about you! A man who is consistent is a man who can be trusted and relied upon. A man who is inconsistent or wishy-washy can’t be trusted and you’ll regularly have the feeling that you don’t know where you stand with this guy.
One day you’ll talk to him and hear all the things you want to hear and you’ll feel great, thinking he definitely wants you in his life. Then the next day (when you haven’t heard from him) you’ll feel like you’re right back to square one, wondering if he really does want to continue progressing towards a serious relationship.
The Negative Effect Of Dating Inconsistent Men
Dating inconsistent men can give you the false feeling that you are in love or quickly falling in love. You’ll develop strong feelings for these types of men, not because you are actually falling in love with the man, but simply because you are on an emotional roller coaster ride with them (Check out my post Are You In Love Or On An Emotional Roller Coaster).
When you are constantly having to wonder and worry about where you stand with a man or when he will see or speak to you next, it unconsciously makes you feel more attached to the person because you are stressing out about them. It’s not strong genuine feelings that you’re cultivating, it’s just a strong desire for continued attention, and validation or confirmation that dating each other is going somewhere.
In the moments that he’s texting you and whispering sweet-nothings in your ear, you feel amazing, beautiful, loved, and cherished. However, when days go by, in the absence of communication, you feel forgotten, deserted, undesired, insecure, and so much more.
Going from these extreme emotional highs to extreme emotional lows is what builds unhealthy attachments to these men and, consequently, we often mistake this artificial attachment as genuine feelings of love and adoration.
Is His Attention Fleeting?
I recently heard this saying “when a guy burns hot, he extinguishes fast,” and I definitely agree with it to a certain extent. Most of the time, when a man comes on really strong and tries to “lay it on thick,” it’s usually fleeting attention that doesn’t last because his aim is simply to quickly move you to the bedroom.
With this in mind, it’s always a great idea to take your time in getting to know a man and pace the dating so that you don’t get wrapped up in any guy’s facade and you give him enough time to let his true colors show.
If you’ve been dating a man whose communication seems to be dwindling, it’s probably not because he is suddenly busy all the time. When a man’s attention is fleeting, it’s because they’ve lost interest or they never really had interest in pursuing a serious relationship in the first place.
How Inconsistency Gets Manifested As Gut Instincts
I’m constantly talking about how important it is to trust your gut instinct. As much as it can be hard to trust ourselves, you should always listen to what your gut tells you.
Your gut instinct will actually kick in when a man is not consistent with you. If he tells you one thing, but his actions say something completely different, you’ll get that gut feeling that something isn’t right.
However, most women tend to write off their gut feelings that something isn’t right, just to learn much later down the line that they really should have paid more attention to it.
How To Weed Out Inconsistent Men When Dating
As a woman, it’s your job to determine whether a man is being truthful and honest in his feelings for you and you accomplish this by paying attention to his words, actions, and your own gut instincts. The days of letting men “sell you the dream“ are over!
You can no longer just listen to the sweet words that men tell you and think that it is the sole indicator of their true interest in you or love for you. You have to start dating consciously so that you can recognize when a man’s behavior is not consistent with what he tells you. This will allow you to make an informed decision when deciding whether to continue pursuing a relationship with a man you’re dating.
Till Next Time,
They not only identify problems affecting the community, but they also roll up their sleeves and tackle these problems through awareness, sensitization, and the provision of basic amenities to communities that so desperately need them.
Here, in the United States, AKISAN has been involved in volunteer services in various cities. Members have donated time and resources in soup kitchens in Washington DC, Houston, Phoenix, Chicago, and more. In 2016, AKISAN donated batches of water to residents of Flint, Michigan during the city-wide pollution crisis.
AKISAN’s educational initiatives have included the granting of scholarships to needy students, refurbishing schools, providing mentorship to children in need of role models, and donating computers, books, and other educational materials.
AKISAN has built and commissioned several rural water projects to provide clean drinking water for communities in Akwa Ibom State Nigeria. These initiatives ease the stress of rural dwellers who still have to fetch water from streams, ponds, and other sources of water that aren’t healthy for them.
AKISAN members have conducted medical missions in rural communities in Akwa Ibom State as well as South America. They also delivered medications, equipment, and supplies to hospitals and health centers and have organized educational campaigns on the need for childhood immunizations and safe-sex to prevent transmission of HIV/AIDS.
About The Convention
AKISAN’s annual national convention consists of cultural displays, musical performances, brainstorming sessions, beauty pageants, fundraising, and much more.
When you come across that bad boy you feel attracted to, what is it that piques your interest in him? Do you know what’s at the root of your attraction?
Why You’re Attracted To Bad Boys
There’s no one size fits all answer to why you date bad boys, but there are a few common reasons that might apply to you. Perhaps you enjoy the thrill of the bad boy lifestyle or maybe you have a habit of dating emotionally unavailable men.
For some women, low self-esteem at the root of dating bad boys because the attention they receive from the bad boy makes them feel better about themselves.
You may even be attracted to bad boys because of your own misperception and misunderstanding about men’s behavior or personality. Several years ago, I read a really interesting article that said women are attracted to bad boys because their arrogance is mistaken for confidence.
Mistaking Arrogance For Confidence
Basically, you might perceive a bad boy as having a high level of confidence, which is a very strong attraction point when it comes to dating. Whether you’re a man or a woman, confidence is sexy, period.
No one wants to date an insecure person who constantly needs pacifying and reassurance. The reality is, a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence is definitely a turn off.
With bad boys being arrogant and cocky by nature, they display what seems to be great self-confidence when in actuality they’re just arrogant. What’s actually pulling you in is not the bad boy’s true confidence, it’s his boastful, cocky, and arrogant nature.
In this respect, your attraction to bad boys is purely based on mis-perceiving their arrogance for confidence.
Ready To Let Go Of The Bad Boy?
When you consider all of this, it makes perfect sense that you might want to date a bad boy. But, now that you know why you may have been attracted to bad boys, will you continue to date them?
Knowing the basis of your attraction to certain types of man is the starting point for change, but you first have to want the change yourself if you’re going to do anything differently.
So, are you ready to stop dating bad boys?
Till Next Time,
Today, it’s become harder and harder for some women to decipher their place in a man’s life. They aren’t sure how to define the relationship or don’t know if what they have is a relationship at all.
It’s not uncommon to see a woman give some guy months or even years of her attention just to learn down the line that he never wanted anything that was more than casual.
Communication Is Key
If you find yourself in an awkward space where you don’t know if you’re in a relationship or dating towards having a serious relationship, the best thing to do is to have an open, honest conversation with the person you’re dating to see if you’re on the same page as far as pursuing a relationship.
I think it’s important to note though, that some men will be very vague and obscure when having the “what are we” conversation. Some men don’t want to lose the great situationship they have with you, but also don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you either.
So, they will try to keep you in limbo for as long as possible so they can delay getting to the point of having to seriously commit to you or break things off.
Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend
If you’ve talked about your situationship, but feel like you didn’t get clarity or only feel more confused, consider the following signs to determine whether you might be your guy’s next serious girlfriend or just his late night creep:
1. He Never Spends More Than 3-4 Hours With You
2. He’s Always “Too Busy” To Make Real Plans With You
3. He Never Takes You Out In Public
4. He Only Hangs Out With You After 9pm
5. All You Do Is Netflix And Chill
6. He Says He Doesn’t Believe in Using Labels (until you see him calling someone else his fiancé a few years later)
7. He Doesn’t Let You Meet His Friends Or Family And Avoids Yours
8. He Pretends Like He’s Alone When Someone Calls Him And Asks What He’s Doing
9. He’s A Ghost When You’re On Your Period And Resurfaces When It’s Over
10. You Only Hear From Him Once or Twice A Week Or Only A Few Times A Month
11. He Rejected Your Facebook Friend Request
12. He Lies And Says He Doesn’t Have A Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat Account
13. He Won’t Commit To Any Future Plans With You (i.e. vacations, trips, weddings, events, etc.)
14. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For A Relationship
15. He Says He Likes The Situationship Just The Way It Is
If you discuss going out in public or becoming more than what you are now and your guy says he likes things just the way they are, he isn’t “ready” for a relationship, or doesn’t think you guys need to define what you are, you’re never going to be in a real relationship with this man and it’s best that you cut your losses and move on, if this isn’t what you want.
Till Next Time,
Are you ready to go from friendship to relationship?
A Major Cable Network is casting for a fun new show about single people interested in taking a friendship to the next level – or friends with marriage pacts for a certain age/milestone.
The basic premise of the show is that the friends try being in a relationship for 30 days. During that time, they will be provided with a series of compatibility exercises designed to determine if they were really meant to be together…or if they should remain as friends.
If you’re interested in being on the show, submit an application today!
On your application, you can say you were referred by Dee Simone (I am not receiving any compensation or anything of value for my referrals or sharing this posting).
P.S. Don’t forget to check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve
We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last.” But if you read my post Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and it’s not because they aren’t bad boys), you understand that nice guys have more control over whether they finish last than they realize. To help further this, I want to discuss 6 important dating tips for nice guys who don’t want to finish last:
1. Resist The Clinging Impulse
We definitely can’t ignore the fact that some nice guys have a tendency to come off as needy or clingy and if you’re a nice guy doing this, you really have to scale this back. When you meet a woman, your initial communications are crucial and it’s important that you don’t overwhelm or suffocate a new love interest.
If you’re not sure whether you’re giving women the needy vibe, check out my post 8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy. Although you may have good intentions at heart, many women are not attracted to men who are needy, clingy, or need an overwhelming amount of attention.
If you send a woman a text message, don’t send 4 or 5 more texts back to back before getting a response from the first one. Or maybe you’re guilty of getting off the phone with a woman and then immediately texting her to continue the conversation. Calling a woman a second time in the same day when she hasn’t returned your first call is another great way to get boxed into the clingy category.
The harsh reality is that if you don’t immediately get a response from your text or call, you have to exercise patience and just wait for a response. If you never get one, don’t send a flurry of texts or blow up her cell.
You have to take the situation for what it is, she’s just not that into you. And that’s okay because every woman isn’t going to be right for you and a woman’s disinterest gives you the freedom and ability to find that woman who is right for you. Take it as a blessing that you don’t have to spend weeks and months dating a woman who isn’t going to be around long-term and only feels lukewarm about you at best.
Which brings me to my next tip…
2. Let Feelings Develop Naturally
It’s important that you avoid being needy or clingy so that things can develop naturally over time. I know some men will say that holding themselves back isn’t authentic and that they should be able to fully be themselves with a woman. But, no one is asking you not to be yourself. I’m just saying that you can’t try to latch onto someone too quickly.
You have to take your time because you can’t force a woman to fall in love with you by suffocating her.
3. Women Need Time To Reflect
Most women need space and time to reflect and think about, and even fantasize about, the person they’re dating. They need to think about the conversations you’ve had, the moments you’ve enjoyed together on dates, and other things.
The act of thinking about you is where the feelings and emotions start to develop. But, if you don’t give a woman some space and time to let yourself pop into her head naturally, she’s not going to fall for you the way you want her to.
You want a woman to want to hear your voice, but if she’s hearing your voice several times a day right after she meets you, she’s probably not going to get to that point. So it’s really important that you allow there to be space for the feelings to grow and develop.
And, I hope you nice guys can see that slowing down and pacing yourself when you’re dating or trying to date a woman has nothing to do with not being yourself.
4. Build Your Confidence
For some nice guys it’s their lack of self-confidence that keeps them from getting women. It’s not just you men that like to date confident people. Women like confident men too. And, just like guys can spot insecurity in women, women can spot insecurity in men as well.
The reality is, a lack of self-confidence is a turn off. So you have to work through your insecurities and build up your self-confidence so that you can be more attractive to women.
This is how it works for many of us women– You could have a man that’s a 7, but his personality and confidence brings him up to a 10. So, once you build your confidence, you’ll actually feel more comfortable letting your full personality shine through and you’ll ultimately be more attractive to women in the long run.
5. Never Lead With Your Financial Foot
Some nice guys are guilty of using their financial resources to win a woman over or make her fall in love with him. However, leading with your financial foot will only draw the wrong kind of women into your life.
If you feel like you have to shower a woman with gifts and throw your money around for her to like you, then she’s really not the right woman for you and she’ll probably only stick around for as long as you continue to throw that money around.
6. Be Mindful Of The Women You Chase
To their detriment, some nice guys have a habit of chasing after women who like the “bad boys.” Unfortunately, in the end, with this type of woman, you’re going to lose every time. You will surely get your heart broken in your efforts to show this kind of woman a real, amazing, and healthy love.
Women who love bad boys have to mature and get to a certain mental state before they can walk away from their bad boy loving lifestyle. Picking an evolved, mature, self-confident (not arrogant) woman is how nice guys can finish first! This is the kind of woman who will always appreciate you for who you are and never take you for granted.
So, instead of trying to convert this woman into a nice guy loving dater, look for the woman who has already evolved past the point of being interested in a bad boy. This is the woman who will appreciate you, love you, and never take you for granted. This is where you will flourish!
Till Next Time,
What’s sexy to one person may not necessarily be sexy to another person. Some women find beards attractive while others don’t. When you think of a sexy man, what comes to mind? Is it a man in a fitted suit? A rugged outdoorsy type in a plaid shirt and jeans? Or is it something different altogether?
For some, sexy is exuded through personality while for others it can be a combination of appearance and personality.
It’s always good to understand the type of man you’re attracted to and what sexy means to you, especially if your type is the “bad boy.” And, we all know what that looks like!
So, what does sexy mean to you? How do you define it? Let me know in the comments below!
Till Next Time,
It’s happening right now– Wine, Dine, & Book Sign – A Single’s Event
Memphis comedians Mzzz Kecia and Hunter Sandlin will be stopping by at 8:30 to make you laugh until your stomach hurts.
Come enjoy the comedy show, music, and complimentary wine and food. There will also be a great prize for whoever is able to win our icebreaker game of the night.
Hope to see you soon!
If you knew that you were going to meet the love of your life at age 45 or 50, how would this affect your dating life right now? Would you let yourself enter a relationship or get married to Mr. Right Now (also known as Mr. Wrong) because you’re tired of waiting for Mr. Right to come along?
Instant Gratification Vs. Long-Term Happiness
As women, we often have this flawed habit of seeking instant gratification over long-term happiness and viability in a relationship.
What I mean is– when we are dating Mr. Wrong and things start going badly or breaking up is an option that’s on the table, we start thinking about what we will lose or how we will be deprived of affection or companionship or something else if we decide to end things.
This is usually done in place of evaluating whether the man we’re dating is really right for us and contributes to having a positive, healthy, loving relationship.
And so, in fear of losing a companion, being alone, or dealing with the current dating world, we give ourselves instant gratification by staying with Mr. Wrong so we can still have a warm body next to us and not worry about finding a man who is any better.
Why Instant Gratification Is Alluring
Instant gratification is appealing because it immediately satisfies some desire that we have, whether it’s having someone to cuddle at night, being able to say you have a boyfriend, or continuing to reap the financial benefits of dating a wealthy man.
Instant gratification provides instant happiness, but it’s not true, internal happiness and, therefore, it’s not a lasting happiness.
Instant gratification can also be deceiving because those immediate good feelings that come with it can falsely make you feel as though you have made the right decision. But, time will prove otherwise.
The problem is, those happy, content feelings you get from this instant gratification of staying with Mr. Wrong doesn’t last. And eventually the negative feelings you previously harbored start to creep back up, the behavior you were unhappy with starts to rear its ugly head again, and you’re brought back to the very same spot you were before where you to had to contemplate whether the relationship was really worth continuing.
Unfortunately, for many women this is a vicious cycle that’s repeated constantly throughout our lives.
Focus On Your Long-Term Happiness
Instead of focusing on instant gratification, you need to focus on your long-term happiness when you’re evaluating a potential partner or considering whether you should stay with a boyfriend.
Remember, the path you go down if you stay with or marry Mr. Wrong can keep you from meeting Mr. Right. So, is Mr. Right Now worth missing out on the amazing love you could have with your Mr. Right? Probably not!
Keep this in mind the next time you decide to give your problematic boyfriend another chance.
Till Next Time,
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I went on one date with a guy I met online, but I just wasn’t feeling him. He not only looked older than he said he was in his online profile, but he also talked about himself for the ENTIRE date. It really bothered me that he wasn’t asking me questions about myself or trying to get to know me at all.
A couple of days after our first date he texted me asking to go out again. This was our conversation:
Him: Hey! Are you busy on Saturday? Let’s go out!
Me: I have to be honest I didn’t feel a connection on the date but maybe we can be friends?
Him: I’ve been dating four beautiful women from the dating site, but you seemed to be the most intelligent so I wanted to give it a try, but friends is perfect.
Him: I doubt you make connections with any men.
Me: lol ok. I know I’m beautiful too but thanks for the intelligence compliment. Why would you say I don’t make connections with any men?
Him: Because you’re dry and seem like a lesbian.
Me: No response.
(5 minutes later)
Him: You’re also not feminine enough for men to be attracted to you.
Me: No response.
(30 minutes later)
Him: And I didn’t say you weren’t beautiful. You said that so that’s your thoughts about yourself.
Me: No response.
(10 min later)
Him: I’m cool with being friends though.
Me: No response.
Him: When do you want to get together again friend?
Me: No response.
I’m actually very feminine and I’ve never had a problem with men not being attracted to me. I get hit on by men all the time, the problem is the types of men that I meet. I know this guy was lashing out at me because he was angry that I didn’t want to see him again so how can I let guys down without getting bashed afterwards?
I want to start off by saying this guy is a huge jerk! You did nothing wrong in the way that you let this guy down and it’s a good thing that you stopped responding to his texts instead of letting the situation blow up into something bigger.
Ultimately, you were honest and he tried to make you feel bad about yourself and your ability to attract men simply because you didn’t want to continue dating him. How ridiculous!
In my opinion, you’re actually very lucky because you dodged a huge bullet here! This man sounds like he has a lot of emotional issues he needs to work out. When a person’s first instinct is to hurt you in a situation like this, it’s a red flag.
How To Stop The Bashing
Sadly, you’re not alone in this. There are many women who have had similar experiences where they let a guy know they aren’t interested in him and the guy hurls insults in return.
But to answer your question, in general, there’s nothing you can do to stop a man from bashing you after you end things. You really can’t control how a man will react or respond to you not wanting to go on another date.
What you can control, however, is how you feel. If you let these kind of men make you feel bad about yourself, they win. You need to let their words roll off of you because, at the end of the day, they really don’t know you anyway.
How To Break Up
When you no longer want to continue dating a person, the best thing to do is just be honest. If you weren’t feeling a connection or chemistry, it’s okay to say that. It’s also okay to say that you don’t think you are compatible.
When you break up with someone you’ve only been on a few dates with, it’s always best to keep it short and simple. Of course, the longer you date someone or once you’ve entered an exclusive relationship, the bigger your obligation is to give your boyfriend or girlfriend a full and complete explanation of why you want to break up.
But after just one or two dates, all you can really say is, “I’m sorry, you seem like a nice person, but I just don’t feel a connection.”
How Not To Break Up
What you don’t want to do when you break up with someone is be hurtful, spiteful, rude, antagonistic, have attitude, or unnecessarily point fingers. And it doesn’t look like you did any of this here.
Overall, I think you handled this situation well and your explanation for not wanting to go out on another date was short, appropriate, and to the point.
The real problem here is that some men can’t handle rejection well. Unfortunately, you could have the best break up line, but for some of the men you date it won’t matter at all. Some men will try to hurt your feelings because they feel hurt by the fact that you’re not interested in them.
Insults or Constructive Feedback?
It’s also important for you to be able to distinguish between hurtful, venom-filled insults and constructive criticism or feedback. Constructive feedback is always good, but that is not what you got from this guy. He couldn’t take your rejection so he insulted you. Don’t let yourself feel bad for that.
You should definitely continue being honest about why you don’t want to keep dating a man and if a man reacts by insulting you or trying to hurt your feelings, just take it as a reassuring sign that this was not the right man for you!
When you meet someone you’re attracted to, there’s usually a natural desire to know more about that person. The problem is, some people have a difficult time understanding the difference between appropriate and inappropriate first date questions.
On the other hand, we can’t ignore the fact that some people knowingly ask offensive questions and just don’t care about whether their date feels comfortable or not.
Make Your Date Feel Comfortable
In order to improve our dating experiences, we need to make sure that we aren’t unnecessarily offending the person we are attracted to. Our dates should feel comfortable and at ease, not on guard waiting for the next insulting question.
You actually decrease your chance of making a great connection with a date when you ask them judgmental questions or questions that force your date to talk about something they aren’t ready to discuss with you.
So, to help your initial encounters with women, I want to share some questions that you should never let leave your lips. The following are 20 real life questions that men have asked women on or before a first date:
1. Why are you single?
2. Are you paying for the date?
3. How old are you?
4. Can I come back to your place or do you want to come back to mine?
5. Is that your real hair?
6. You’re not one of those crazy girls are you?
7. How much do you weigh?
8. Do you have daddy issues?
9. How much do you cost?
10. Do you want to go a to fancy restaurant? (Then takes you to Wendy’s)
11. Can you do a split?
12. What are you mixed with?
13. Can I borrow $1,000? (Or any amount of money)
14. Do you like your feet licked?
15. Are your breasts real?
16. What’s your bra size?
17. What are you cooking me for dinner?
18. How much do you make?
19. Have you cheated on your past boyfriends?
20. Do you know how to use those lips?
Some of these questions clearly indicate that you’re only interested in a casual encounter, i.e. sex. But if you’re genuinely interested in a woman and want to get to know her better these are not the kinds of questions you should ask early on.
Offending a woman on a first date is a sure-fire way to never get a second one so think wisely before asking very personal questions that may make a woman feel uncomfortable around you.
Till Next Time,
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
After a few messages on an online dating website, I gave my number to this really good-looking man. He called me almost immediately and the conversation started off normal enough. However, barely ten minutes into our conversation he asks me, “can you have kids?”
I was so shocked I couldn’t even speak for a moment. After a few seconds I said, “Why would you ask me that??” He said that because he wants to have children he needs to make sure that the woman he dates can have kids.
I told him that it’s obvious from my young age that I can have kids, but that I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy from the question and would feel bad for the woman who has to answer “yes” and explain something very sensitive and personal to a perfect stranger. I said the question was inappropriate and something he shouldn’t ask a woman until he gets to know her well.
At this point, he got defensive and said I should only be offended if I couldn’t actually have kids, but since I can it shouldn’t be a big deal. He had completely turned me off and I was repulsed by him altogether. I eventually ended the conversation and I don’t plan on talking to him ever again. Am I wrong for writing him off?
Wow! What a horrible question to ask a woman during the first phone call. You shouldn’t have been subjected to this question so early on and this guy clearly lacks manners and common sense. Whether or not a woman can have kids is a very touchy subject and no woman should have to explain to a man she doesn’t know why she can’t have children.
Although this man says he wants kids and, therefore, needs to ensure he dates a woman who can have kids, this was the wrong way to go about it and he lost a good prospect because of his inappropriateness and lack of consideration of your feelings.
At the end of the day, you shouldn’t feel bad about not talking to this man ever again. Don’t worry I’ll explain why.
Do You Want A Man Who Listens To Your Concerns?
You see, you actually voiced your feelings and let this man know that you felt uncomfortable and offended by his question and instead of hearing you out to understand where you are coming from and apologize for his insensitive question, he tried to convince you that you shouldn’t be offended at all because you can have kids.
Here’s where this man’s thinking is flawed: A question isn’t offensive based on the response a person may give. Certain questions are just offensive on their own no matter what someone’s response may be.
Since this guy wouldn’t hear you out or try to understand your perspective and instead wrote your feelings off, he’s not the man for you!
Every woman needs a companion who will not only hear her feelings and concerns, but who will also not try to convince her that she is wrong for feeling offended. You want to date a man who can recognize and acknowledge that he has done or said something inappropriate after you explain why something is wrong.
The man who thinks he can do or say no wrong is a dangerous man to date!
Are you single and looking for love?
Join me on Saturday, July 1, 2017 at the Lily Roze Studio in downtown Memphis for a single’s night you won’t want to miss!
Come out to mix and mingle with other amazing single Memphians while you enjoy the music, wine, food, and ice breakers.
You can also get a personalized, signed copy of my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Complimentary wine and finger foods will be provided! Space is limited so register for this FREE single’s event today: Eventbrite
Can’t wait to meet some of you there!
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I met this great man and we immediately hit it off. We talked for almost an hour before exchanging numbers. During that conversation he mentioned that he had been divorced for years and didn’t want to get married again, but I was okay with that because I’m not sure that I really want to get married either. I just know I want a great life companion.
Cut to 2 days later. He calls me and we talk for a couple of minutes before he says, “Well, I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing while I was driving home from work… You know, since I can’t text and drive.”
This gave me a funny feeling because it felt like he was implying that he couldn’t talk once he got home, which then made me think that he had a girlfriend at home. So, I mustered up the courage and asked, “are you single??” My heart sank when he said, “No, but I’m not married so technically I am single.”
Then he said, “I wanted to be upfront and honest with you about that because you seem like a good person.” Disgusted, I ended the conversation saying thanks for being honest, but I have to go. Just when I think I’ve met a great man, he turns out to have a girlfriend! It’s very frustrating! So, my question to you Dee is:
Do I really have to ask every man I go out with whether he is single or not? I feel like this guy would have dated me until he got caught if I never asked…
I just want to start by saying I’m sorry that you felt you had a great connection with a man who turned out to be in a relationship. You definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up over this.
While he should have been honest about the fact that he had a girlfriend, as a single woman it’s not a bad idea to ask the men you go out with if they’re single or not. Although some men will still lie in order to cheat on their girlfriends, not asking may produce more situations like these.
Trust Your Gut Instincts
Now, if you’re a great judge of character and can easily spot inconsistencies that quickly let you know a man is dating another woman, you may not need to ask this question (and that does seem to be the case with you since you sniffed this guy out pretty quickly).
I think the most important thing to take away from this situation is that you should always trust your gut instincts. Here, your gut said something wasn’t right because a man should want to talk to you in his home, not rush you off the phone before he gets there.
This feeling of something being off is what you always want to pay attention to because ignoring it can easily lead to you getting your heart broken. So, while you may encounter some dishonesty on your quest to finding real love, don’t make it any easier for men to deceive you by avoiding questions you feel inclined to ask.
Was He REALLY A Great Man?
Also, you call this guy a “great man,” but how is he great? Just because you felt like you “clicked” with him doesn’t negate the fact that this is a deceptive person. For all you know, he was putting on an act from the moment you met him in order to win you over and cheat on his girlfriend.
Don’t make yourself feel worse about this situation by wrongly classifying this man as a great person you connected with.
All in all, you did the right thing. By paying attention to your gut, identifying a serious red flag, and addressing it immediately, you ultimately prevented yourself from falling head over heels for a cheating philanderer.
Always trust your gut instincts because they’ll never lead you in the wrong direction!
I’m so excited to share that I’ll be speaking at the Curvy & Fancy Empowerment Show in Atlanta, GA on Saturday, June 3rd. If you live in Atlanta or will be in town for the weekend, you won’t want to miss this event!
Join me for a fabulous fashion show, art, and inspiration!
Get your tickets here: Eventbrite
Do you need dating or relationship advice?
The first 15 people to contact me using the contact form below will get a free dating or life coaching session with me. See for yourself how a one-on-one session can help improve your dating and everyday life!
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I had a great first date with this guy, but almost a week has gone by and he hasn’t called or texted me. I thought we made a good connection and were into each other, but now I’m starting to feel like I was wrong.
What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted me in days? Does he not want to see me again? Did I do something wrong? I will admit our date was a Netflix and chill night and he tried to make a few moves on me, but I didn’t sleep with him and only kissed him at the end of the night. Should I reach out to him? Is he waiting to see if I want to continue talking?
If you had a date with a man and he hasn’t called or texted you for more than 3 days after your date, he’s just not that interested in you. However, because this guy wanted to “Netflix and chill” and did make some passes at you, he may not have been looking for a potential relationship and was only interested in getting in your pants.
Since you rejected his advances and only kissed him at the end of the night, he may have decided to move on to an easier target.
Don’t feel bad about this. It’s really a great thing because now this guy won’t be in the way of the right man coming into your life. You don’t want to waste time dating the wrong men so don’t dwell on this situation or reach out to him to force a conversation that isn’t meant to take place.
Also you should avoid having a Netflix and chill date for at least the first 5-6 dates. You don’t want to subject yourself to men making aggressive passes at you or even worse, forcing themselves on you. It’s better to be safe and wait until you get to know a man better before you invite him into your home or go to his.
Furthermore, you’re more likely to move faster with a man when you’re in the comfort of a home as opposed to somewhere like a restaurant. So, hold off on the Netflix and chill and stick to public dates until you’ve gotten to know each other much better.
If you’re single and live in or near the Memphis, Tennessee area, you’re definitely going to want to join my Meetup.com group Memphis Single Mingle!
Single Mingle is the meetup to join if you’re open to new experiences and the possibility of finding love while having fun! This meetup is about getting out of the house, making new friends, and meeting the love of your life!
Single Mingle currently connects over 2,000 amazing single Memphians through fun, exciting, and unique events. From outdoor activities to happy hours, festivals, dancing lessons, escape rooms, comedy shows, workshops, dinners, fun fitness, and a variety of other activities, Single Minglers will do it all!
Join Single Mingle for fun, laughter, and love: Memphis Single Mingle
UPCOMING MEMPHIS SINGLE MINGLE MEETUPS
Saturday, April 30th: Capture The Flag at Mud Island Dog Park
Saturday, May 6th: Memphis Escape Room
Tuesday, May 9th: Free Comedy Show at the High Cotton Brewery
Saturday, May 20th: Salsa Dance Lesson at The Rumba Room
Tuesday, May 30th: Vine to Wine: Cork & Pork – A Wine Tasting Series
Thursday, June 8th: Nutritious, But Delicious Cooking Class
Chapter Two Excerpt
Drop That Emotional Baggage
Your Thoughts, Beliefs, & Emotions Are Crucial
Trust me when I say the thoughts, beliefs, and emotions derived from your past relationships have significant effects on you, how you interact with and treat men, and how you handle your relationships—whether you believe it or not.
The mind is powerful. It takes note of all your thoughts and feelings and files them away accordingly. Then, when you encounter similar scenarios with men, your mind automatically opens that old file and tells you how to feel or act in that moment. And you better believe that your mind allows action and inaction based on all those little beliefs about dating that you’ve filed away in your brain over the years.
This isn’t to say that you have no control over your thoughts and, consequently, how you act. In fact, you do have control. But to exercise that control, you first have to recognize what your beliefs are and where those beliefs come from. Only then can you combat those negative thoughts that turn into negative actions and replace them with new, healthy thoughts that promote positive action and positive results in your dating life.
So instead of continuing to be controlled by your thought that “all men are dogs,” you can replace that thought with this one: “All the men I’ve dated in the past have been dogs, but I’ll no longer give the wrong men my time so that I have a real chance to meet a better man.” You need to make these types of mental shifts.
It’s imperative that you understand how deeply your thoughts about dating and men affect your dating experiences. Remember, if you believe that all men are dogs, you simply won’t put effort into attracting a quality man. You’ll settle for whatever men come along. If you believe that all men cheat, you’ll accept this exact behavior from all the men you date.
Ultimately, those thoughts and beliefs about men and dating that are sitting in your head will get reflected in your real-life world. So if you have negative thoughts about men and dating, those negative thoughts will manifest themselves as real-life results for you. That’s why the only way to change the results you get in your real life is to change and reshape your inner beliefs.
You definitely don’t want your subconscious to produce results in your dating life that don’t make you happy. Meaning, you need to take note of what’s going on in your head so that you can get rid of all those thoughts that don’t support a positive dating life and positive relationships. If you do this, you’ll be well on your way to readying yourself for a great man and a great relationship.