Today, many women are finding themselves in situationships. And yes, these situationships sometimes do resemble a relationship, but when you look at the big picture, it’s clearly not a relationship. A lot of woman are just taking what they get from men and that is the furthest thing from a real relationship.
It seems that the women in situationships are so eager to have someone that they will literally take whatever scraps a man will throw their way. If a man will only spare a few hours of his time on Tuesday nights, she’ll take it. If he only makes time to see her on the weekend when it’s past 9 or 10 pm, she’ll be happy for the time. If he’s “too busy to call” for a week or more, that’s okay with her.
The fact that he never makes plans in advance and makes general references to seeing her by saying things like, “Maybe we can grab a bite to eat or watch a movie this weekend,” without following through doesn’t stop her from continuing the situation. She only sees him when he wants to see her, but she won’t rock the boat by saying that she isn’t comfortable with the situation because she doesn’t want to lose it altogether.
Why Are Situationships Accepted?
Unfortunately, it’s a lack of self-worth and self-respect that allows women to tolerate a situation where her needs and wants are never met, addressed, or even acknowledged. Being in a situationship means being on call for the guy you’re dating. You don’t make plans with your friends because you have to leave your schedule wide open for the moment he chooses to contact you to see you last-minute. And more times than not, you end up having a sad night at home alone because you don’t get the phone call or text that you thought you would.
When you’re “on call” for a man and you do get that text or phone call Saturday night at 9pm, you jump for joy. Of course, since you haven’t seen him in awhile you’re eager to accept his invitation for a late night rendezvous and possible sleep over. But ultimately, this only enables his behavior. And because you’re so happy to finally have the opportunity to be with him, any thought of talking about your needs or concerns fly out of the window. So this man gets to have his cake and eat it too, he gets to have you when he wants and doesn’t have to deal with the fact that he isn’t satisfying you emotionally or giving you the relationship you deserve.
And, if he actually spends the night at your place and hangs out with you Sunday morning this reinforces your belief that you really do have a relationship. The truth is, you only have this semi-relationship when he wants it. And he usually only wants it sporadically or late in the evening after he’s already gone out and done his thing. It’s also likely that he’s only seeing you after the person he really wanted to see was unavailable.
Don’t Let Your Situation Define Who You Are
At the end of the day, situationships destroy whatever remaining self-esteem you have for yourself. You develop an unhealthy dynamic where you only feel good about yourself when the guy is communicating with you and when he’s not you feel insecure, worthless, or unattractive. Your entire well-being is in his hands and this is a terrible position to put yourself in.
There comes a time in every situationship where a woman needs to decide whether the situation is right for her. If you’re in a situationship, the time is now. What do you really want for your future? If it’s scraps then by all means, help yourself! But, if you want a meaningful, loving, and healthy relationship, it’s time to let go of your situation!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,