Did You Breakup With Your Boyfriend Because A “Spark” Was Missing?

Our past relationships have a big impact on who we choose to date in the future. Whether it leads us to dating better men or the same types of men we previously dated really just depends on whether we properly processed (mentally) our past relationships, learned the necessary lessons, and implement positive changes.

Unfortunately, most women don’t do this.

And while this perpetuates many different dating and relationship problems, today I want to focus on a more subtle problem that kills great relationships– thinking a “spark” is missing.

What Is The “Spark?”

The Merriam-Webster dictionary has several definitions for the word “spark.” However, the one that best fits relationships is this: “something that sets off a sudden force.” And still, this definition is pretty vague. 

In the end though, it doesn’t really matter how any dictionary or person defines a spark because the spark is really what we individually believe it to be. One woman might believe that the spark is having butterflies in her stomach while another woman might feel that the spark is wanting to continue talking to someone for hours on end.

Ultimately, the spark is a highly subjective concept. 

Every woman is looking for that spark when she’s dating a man. But how do you actually define a spark and is your definition of a spark hurting your relationships or leading you to dating terrible guys?

Are You Used To The Emotional Roller Coaster?

When women date men who treat them poorly and put them through a lot of ups and downs, which I call the emotional roller coaster, they consequently develop unhealthy attachments to these men and often confuse those feelings of extreme anxiety then satisfaction, during the ups and downs, as a strong spark and growing feelings of love.

They think those anxious feelings they have while waiting for Mr. Wrong to do right are really butterflies. But they’re not…

Then, when they meet a good man who is honest, genuine, and grounded, they think a spark is missing and, therefore, must be dating the wrong man. 

Are You Really Missing A “Spark?”

But before you cut things off with your next boyfriend because you think there’s no spark in the relationship, ask yourself this–are we lacking a connection or is there just a lack of drama in the relationship?

It’s extremely important that you evaluate what you believe the spark is because some women easily confuse stability as a lack of a spark when they’ve wrongfully internalized drama as the norm.

So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re dating the right man because you feel that something is missing, think: am I missing a spark or am I missing the drama?

Be honest with yourself so you can openly embrace a great, stable relationship with a great man!

Till Next Time,

Dee

Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Photo Credit: Photo by Allan Filipe Santos Dias on Unsplash

This Holiday, Don’t Focus On What You’re Lacking!

During this holiday season, don’t focus on the fact that you don’t have a boyfriend or you aren’t married, or that you don’t have a plus one for your holiday parties and events.

During the holiday season, it’s so easy to focus on what you don’t have– I don’t have a man, I don’t have a great job, I don’t have a good living situation, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t. But, focusing on what you lack only takes away your happiness and enables feelings of sadness, depression, and feeling “less than.”

Being Single During The Holidays

When you have to get together with family and friends over the holidays, it can be nerve-wrecking if you’re worried about conversations that will lead to what you don’t have right now or what’s wrong in your life.

But, instead of taking away your joy and happiness by focusing on what you don’t have, try something new this holiday–focus on what you do have and be grateful for it!

Acknowledging and expressing gratefulness for the things you do have will allow you to productively take stock of all the great things in your life. As time goes on, we have a habit of focusing on all the little things that we feel are going wrong and we forget about all the great things we have accomplished, earned, or brought into our lives.

Increase Your Happiness & Joy This Holiday

By focusing on being grateful, you’ll ultimately increase your happiness because you’ll be fully aware of the wonderful things you have going on in your life.

The next time you start feeling sad or down about your situation, think about a time that you were really happy. Think about a time you accomplished something you were really proud of. By doing this, you will bring out those joyous feelings you had at that time. And, you need to embrace these positive emotions and let them wash over you and bring you back to that happy place you once were.

Do this anytime you start feeling bad due to your flawed belief that you’re lacking something.

Remember, you are enough and you’re not lacking anything! You don’t need a man to complete you because you were already created as a complete human being. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

P.S. Need some straight forward dating advice, no sugar? Buy my book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Photo Credit: Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Flawed Belief Systems That Keep Women Single

I had the privilege of going on Renaissance Relationship Therapy with Life Purpose Coach and Matchmaker Tem’Ti to discuss flawed belief systems that keep women single. 

Find out what beliefs you’re holding on to that are preventing you from getting that amazing love and relationship you truly want. Listen to the show below! 

Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up The Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve!

Meet My Type Proudly Introduces… LOVE Tells

Meet My Type Proudly Introduces “LOVE tells,” an original web project that helps couples figure out their… situation. Want to participate?

If you’ve been dating a few months and wonder, “Are we right for each other?” Then we want to talk to you!

Go to www.meetmytypes.com/lovetells for more info, and to submit you and your mate for this exciting opportunity. Learn the truth behind what YOUR love tells!

Let’s Talk Relationships And Dating!

 

Join me in Ft. Lauderdale, FL on Saturday, November 11, 2017 for “Let’s Talk About Relationships & Dating!”

There will be a dynamic panelist of speakers offering insight on relationships and dating. Be prepared to learn, laugh, and talk about it!

You’ll also be able to get a signed copy of my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Get your ticket today on Eventbrite!

25 Love Quotes That Will Make You Think

After years of being single or years of dealing with bad relationships, you have to make sure that you continue to love yourself and that your actions and beliefs about dating actually support a healthy, loving relationship. So here are 25 love quotes that will uplift you, make you think, and help you step into your greatness:

  1. “In finding love, I think it’s important to be patient. In being in a relationship, I think it’s important to be honest, to communicate, to respect and trust, and to strive to give more than you take.” ~ Kina Grannis
  2. “We should remember that saying ‘I love you’ is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it. We need to both express and demonstrate love.” ~ David A. Bednar
  3. “Love who you are, embrace who you are. Love yourself. When you love yourself, people can kind of pick up on that: they can see confidence, they can see self-esteem, and naturally, people gravitate towards you.” ~ Lilly Singh
  4. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~ Maya Angelou
  5. “True love doesn’t happen right away; it’s an ever-growing process. It develops after you’ve gone through many ups and downs, when you’ve suffered together, cried together, laughed together.” ~ Ricardo Montalban
  6. “Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.” ~ Zoe Kravitz
  7. “The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.” ~ Audrey Hepburn
  8. “Love yourself. It is important to stay positive because beauty comes from the inside out.” ~ Jenn Proske
  9. “Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” ~ Ann Landers
  10. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
  11. “Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.” ~ Oscar Wilde
  12. “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” ~ Oscar Wilde
  13. “It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.” ~ Confucius
  14. “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~ Lucille Ball
  15. “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha
  16. “I think every girl needs to love herself, regardless of anything. Like if you’re having a bad day, if you don’t like your hair, if you don’t have the best family situation, whatever, you have to love yourself and you can’t do anything until you love yourself first.” ~ Julianne Hough
  17. “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” ~ Maya Angelou
  18. “The course of true love never did run smooth.” ~ William Shakespeare
  19. “I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” ~ Pietro Aretino
  20. “Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.” ~ Ariana Grande
  21. “There would be no need for love if perfection were possible. Love arises from our imperfection…” ~ Eugene Kennedy
  22. “Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.” ~ Maya Angelou
  23. “Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul.” ~ Saint Augustine
  24. “When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” ~ Mark Twain
  25. “In life, you have to take the pace that love goes. You don’t force it. You just don’t force love, you don’t force falling in love, you don’t force being in love – you just become. I don’t know how to say that in English, but you just feel it.” ~ Juan Pablo Galavis

Learn how to love yourself so that you can attract the love you really deserve, buy Picking up the Pieces today! Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Photo Credit: Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash

A Man’s Take On A Woman’s Dating Advice Book

I provided Andreas Michaelides of Thirsty For Health with a complementary copy of Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve in exchange for an honest review. Here’s some of what he said:

“This book is an efficient down to earth guide for women that want to stop having failed relationships. It covers a lot of issues that a woman should take into consideration and also fix in her life to be able to attract the right man into her life…

I loved the engagement the exercises offer with the reader… I am not a woman, but the philosophy can be applied to both sexes. I learned a lot about me. I did all the exercises, I had to twist the questions for men, but it was a fun thing to do. Also, the book helped me realize and understand a lot of issues I had with my ex-wife and even see and comprehend a lot of her behavior, especially her jealousy scenes…” Continue reading on Thirsty For Health

Ready to change your dating and relationship life for the better? Get your copy of Picking up the Pieces today: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Books-A-MillionSmashwords

Till Next Time,

Dee