You shouldn’t be seeing the new man you’re dating every single day of the week for a number of reasons. But, most importantly, you’ll probably have a false sense of knowing who he really is.
Seeing your new beau every day of the week, or trying to see him every day of the week because most likely he’s not trying to be sitting up under you everyday of the week, will also allow a man to get to know you much quicker than he really should.
He may even start to think you may be clingy and need a lot of attention and, ultimately, he may become disinterested and move on.
Don’t Force It
If you call a man everyday to hang out with you and he actually accepts every time, you’ll still never know whether he would have called you everyday to see YOU.
You’ll never know how strongly he really feels about you if you’re always the one putting in the effort to contact him. What if another woman had called him to hang out before you? Are you sure he wouldn’t have accepted her invitation?
My point is just that, we have to pull back. You have to stop trying to force something between you and a man and let nature take it’s course.
Wait to see if he even wants to spend this much time with you. If he doesn’t try to see you often or frequently, then maybe he doesn’t feel that strongly about you and maybe you shouldn’t put too much stock into him.
Wait, HE Wants to See You Everyday!
But, maybe he’s the one that tries to see you everyday. If so, that’s great!! However, you still can’t see him everyday. You, as the woman, need to set the tone here.
He’s not going to lose interest in you because you want to take one or two days out of the week to catch up with your friends and family.
Why is it that a man can get to know who a woman is extremely quickly, but it sometimes takes women forever to know who a man really is?
Well, this is because men don’t put everything out on the table immediately after meeting someone as most women do. Hold some of yourself back!!
Why should you be giving more of yourself than a man is giving you? That’s crazy! And, you’ll be the one with the broken heart in the end if you pursue someone who isn’t giving you much of themselves.
It’s A Process
In dating, getting to know each other should be a slower process than what we are seeing play out in dating today. You are not supposed to get to know someone overnight.
In fact, you can’t really get to know someone quickly, and certainly not overnight. You really learn who people are in time. A lot of character traits are revealed over a length of time, like several months, whether revealing that trait was intentional or not.
Hindsight Is 20/20
Haven’t you dated a man and thought you knew him and after the relationship ends, you’re sitting there wondering, “Who was this man?” That’s because you never really knew who he was in the first place.
As you replay the relationship over and over in your head, you eventually discover all the subtleties that were letting you know who you were dating.
Maybe you ignored significant red flags or maybe he was really good at hiding them. Either way, taking the time to really get to know him might have helped you pass this man up and save yourself some heartache.
As women, a lot of times we try to learn who a man is quickly and “categorize” him so to say. Once we feel like we “know” who a man is, that’s it. We stick to that notion until it literally has to be ripped from us by the contradiction of a man’s actions.
After we have categorized a man or pigeon-holed him into being the man we want, we fall for the person we created in our minds, not the person that exists before us.
I say “create” because we never really took the time to get to know the man we jumped headfirst into a relationship with.
And, when we look back on the relationship, sometimes we seem to forget that WE forced OUR image or our perception of who this man is on him. We created this reality, not him.
So, instead, of trying to get to know a man too quickly and categorize him where he doesn’t belong, slow down and take the necessary time to get to know someone. It won’t happen in a day, a week, or a month.
You can’t get to know a man in just days or weeks, look at it as a process, a dance, a play if you would. Characters in plays and movies are developed through the course of the show, in time.
True relationships in the real world are built over time as well. Take your time getting to know a man and give him time to SHOW you who he is.
The Rules Book
According to The Rules: Time-tested Secrets to Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, you should never see a man more than 5-6 times a week unless you’re married. I do agree with this rule, but only to a certain extent.
Obviously, once you’ve been dating for a significant amount of time, you will start seeing each other almost everyday.
But, I don’t believe that every single week you can only see your beaux 5-6 times. I think you can spend an entire week together, however, the next week you shouldn’t see him everyday.
So, my rule is really that you can see your man 6-7 times in one week, however, you can’t do this consecutively or have back to back weeks where you’re seeing him every day of the week!
You have to break up the weeks where you see your boyfriend everyday with a week where you only see him a few times. This way, you can still maintain a life of your own, he won’t get overly bored with you, and also won’t feel like he “has” you in the bag and stop putting in effort with you.
For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
I definitely dont think you should be seeing a new guy everyday of the week while you are dating and even more so when its a brand new relationship. You need to have your own time and maintain your independence. I have been dating my bf for 6 years and we see each other on weekends currently and sometimes every other weekend. We do live about an hour away from one another so that makes seeing each other daily difficult but I like my space and after many years of dating it keeps us excited to see each other!
You’re right that some time apart can make things more exciting. And, maintaining some independence is definitely not a bad thing. Thanks for leaving your comments!! 🙂
Everyone’s situation and life is different. I don’t think there should be any “rules” or rhyme or reason to it. At the end of the day, we all have to do what works best for us. I would never want to see anyone I’m dating every single day. I like my own time and my alone time. I want a man that has his own life, and interests and friends. All of the men I know like and respect a woman who has her own interests, life and friends. From what I’ve been told by many men, it’s a turn-off to be with a woman who “has no life” and wants to take up his time all the time. Also men don’t respect a woman with no life of her own.
I think it truly has to be up to the individuals how much time works best for them. Having children, being single parents, and being a long distance from each other just doesn’t always make it feasible to see each other often. Sometimes job obligations get in the way as well.
It’s ironically funny how so many women want a highly successful and professional man; yet complain about him not spending enough time with them.
I remember the show about male dr.’s who were married and their lives. It was on MTV I believe. A woman was married to a plastic surgeon. He was a wonderful man it seemed like and treated her great. Yet she constantly complained about him not spending enough time with her. He was also a very good dr. and all of his patients loved the time and attention he gave to them. I’m like. lady he’s a dr. what do you expect????
We have to be more realistic in our expectations of a mate. Jmo.
You’re right, it’s sometimes unrealistic to want a highly successful man, but also want him to spend all of his time with you. It’s definitely important that women balance their expectations. Thanks for checking out my article and commenting, Jae!
Having own space is fine but when u cant talk to ur boyfriend even when he’s standing in front of u and when u can’t see him for weeks , not talk to him over phone neither on social media,
It becomes difficult for u control urself ,u will kindda get depressed so yeah that’s what ive been suffering from so …….yeah its difficult .
Thanks for opening up, I know it’s not easy. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this. If you want to speak one on one please email me at Dee@DeesDatingDiary.com.