Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
My girlfriend keeps breaking up and getting back together with me. At first it happened every few months, but now it’s been happening once a week and I don’t know what to do. I love this woman. We’ve been dating for a couple of years and I forgive her for doing this, but it’s really starting to make me feel bad about myself and I want it to stop. Every time she breaks up with me she says we’re not compatible, but we never fight and we have a great time together. What should I do?
Dear Dater,
You definitely don’t deserve to be put through this kind of emotional roller coaster, but the good thing is that you’re recognizing her bad relationship habits with you. In the beginning, she only broke up with you every few months, but now it’s happening every week, which tells you that this behavior (and the relationship) is getting progressively worse.
Although you say you guys never fight and have a great time together, there is obviously something else going on underneath the surface that’s causing your girlfriend to want to jump ship frequently. I do think it’s important to point out though that just because you never have disagreements in a relationship, doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship. Your situation is a great example of that.
If your girlfriend felt like the relationship was great too then why would she keep breaking up with you every week? Maybe your girlfriend is considering being with another man, maybe she feels like she’s settling by dating you, maybe she’s always looking for the next best thing, or maybe she has commitment issues. Unfortunately, without knowing your girlfriend, I can’t pinpoint the source of her relationship anxiety.
What I can say for certain though is that there’s something going on that your girlfriend isn’t talking to you about. Have an open, non-confrontational conversation with her about how this back and forth has made you feel and give her an opportunity to explain her true feelings. This will allow you to address any issues she may have been afraid to bring up in the past.
If communicating about this problem doesn’t resolve it, then all I can do for you is help you see what it is that you really want out of a relationship. While you can’t control your girlfriend’s behavior and stop her from breaking up with you periodically, you do have control over yourself and what you accept or tolerate from women. So, consider the following questions and answer them honestly:
- Do you believe you deserve unconditional love?
- Do you want to be in a relationship where you feel like your girlfriend loves you as much as you love her?
- Are you okay with constantly worrying about when your girlfriend will break up with you next?
- Do you want to date a woman who, after a couple of years, knows definitively that she only wants to date you?
- Do you want a girlfriend that won’t take you on emotional roller coaster rides every week?
Your answers to these questions will help you determine what’s best for you and how to move forward. In my personal opinion, your girlfriend’s behavior says that she doesn’t value you or appreciate you to the extent that she should. Girlfriends should make you feel better about yourself not worse. You shouldn’t have to wonder whether your girlfriend really loves you or whether she’s going to break up with you next week.
Nonetheless, give her a chance to redeem herself by opening up to you and re-committing herself to the relationship. If this doesn’t work or she doesn’t want to, it’s time to cut your ties not only for your emotional well-being, but also so you have the ability to find the kind of love and relationship you truly desire and deserve. A good man deserves a good woman, not a woman who doesn’t recognize what she has!
Always do what is best for your emotional well-being. I wish you all the best!
For more great dating advice, get my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
Dee's Dating Diary 