Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

Ladies, how many times have you been dating a guy and while it seems it’s going well because you’re hearing from him everyday or every other day, all of a sudden he disappears and you hear nothing for days or a week?

Well, this is a huge RED FLAG!!!

Consistency is Key!

Listen carefully ladies: Consistency is KEY!! Consistency lets you know that a man is who he is claiming himself to be.

A man’s words must align with his actions!

If a man makes promises that he doesn’t fulfill, or a man says he operates one way, but actually does something else, take this as a sign and red flag that this man is NOT who he claims himself to be.

Write The Script and He’ll Play The Part

Many men play “roles” for women. To be clearer, men play the part they think you want them to play in order to get what they want from you!

Let me explain. Say you meet a man and on the first or second date you let him know that your ex never told you that you are beautiful and he never opened doors for you. What will happen is: The man will start telling you that you’re beautiful and opening doors for you.

Why? Because you’ve let him know the role you wanted him to play. You fed him the lines for his character. Your ex didn’t do so and so, therefore, you want him to do or say these things.

Don’t Give Him A Character To Play

While many women see this kind of information sharing as just a way to share themselves and allow a man to get to know them and their past experiences, some men actually take these conversations as “you need to do this if you want to be with me.”

Don’t tell a man what your ex did that you disliked. Why?? So that you can see how this man will actually treat you on his own without prompting from you!

Stop feeding men the lines and roles that you want them to play and let them SHOW you who they will be with you.

Where Does This Come From?

Early on in my dating life, I picked up on the fact that men would try to mimic (not genuinely) the dating preferences I shared with them. This made me more cognizant of the past relationship experiences that I decided to share with new men I dated.

However, it wasn’t until I read the book, “Play or Be Played,” that I realized that this was all a kind of game. This book has great wisdom for women and you should read it at least twice!!!

And, I wasn’t paid or induced to endorse or promote this book. I just have genuine love for it!

While some of you may say, well isn’t it a good thing if he starts playing that role and doing the things your exes didn’t do?? WRONG!!!!

The Role Is Not A Man’s Genuine Self

In fact, a man will play this role, however, he can’t and won’t play this role forever. Most men will start showing their true colors around the 3 month mark. For some reason men can’t seem to keep an act alive for much longer than a few months.

But, it makes sense because its hard to act like a different person or maintain a facade for an extended period of time. This is why you will see a lot of women with 3 month rules, because they understand that you really see who a person is a few months after you’ve met them.

The 3 Month Rule

Now, the 3 month rule does run you the risk of having a man play that “role” more extensively in order to pass your 3 month test. So, if you decide to use the 3 month rule:

1. Be cautious,

2. Keep your eyes open,

3. Listen carefully, and

4. Don’t prompt a man to do what you want him to do, instead, let him show you who he is!!!

*REMEMBER THIS:*

When a person shows you who they are, believe it! Stop trying to rationalize a man’s erratic or bad behavior, especially if he isn’t even trying to explain or apologize for his actions himself.

Bringing you back to my original point, if you normally hear from the man you are dating every day or every other day, but there are times that he disappears for days or even weeks at a time and you are unable to reach him, take this as a serious red flag and proceed with extreme caution because there may be a whole lot more to the picture that you don’t see!

Regardless of whether you can confirm that a man’s disappearing act is due to him being with other women or not, you have to evaluate whether this man is right for you based on his actions as a whole, based on the big picture.

To clarify, whether or not you know if this man is seeing other women or is just bad with his phone (rare these days) you have to ask yourself, do I want to be with a man that can disappear for days at a time without communicating or responding to my calls or texts??

It’s A Choice, Not First Come First Served

Unfortunately, many women are so eager to have a man and/or get married that they are ready to seriously date or marry any man that comes into the picture.

However, we can’t be this lax! We have to evaluate EVERY man individually to determine whether this is the kind of man that we really want to be with and who is actually good for us!

This is what you need to ask yourself to determine whether to proceed!

Stop taking any man as they come and start taking control of your dating life. If you pull back from men that exhibit serious red flags, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of heartache and months of recuperating!

Oddly enough, many women are happy to be in relationships that they KNOW aren’t going anywhere. But, wait, there is something they don’t realize.

Unnecessary Relationship = Unnecessary Heartache

By being in an unnecessary relationship, women will take on emotional baggage from this relationship and it could become harder to maintain healthy dating habits in the future.

To put it simpler, by being in an unnecessary or bad relationship, you’ll probably have attitude or negative feelings towards the next several men you encounter and, therefore, someone who may have been a great match for you may be put off by your negative attitude or pessimistic conversations that are really just a result of the trials and tribulations from your previous relationship, which you had no business being in!

Just some food for thought! Start paying attention to red flags because when someone shows you who they are, there is no rationalizing you can do to change them.

Be kind to your body and mind, don’t rack your brain trying to make excuses for a man. If you find yourself doing this, it may be time to move on!

If you’ve been a victim of the disappearing act, I want to hear your story or your thoughts! BUT, remember ladies, after the third time of having a man pull the disappearing act on you, you’re no longer a victim. Instead, you’re a willing participant!

Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice and it’s shame on me!!

If you have any thoughts on the “disappearing act,” please leave your comments below, I love hearing your perspective!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

46 thoughts on “Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

  1. See I’m just going through this right now. We’d been “talking” for about 6 weeks. I met him on a dating site instantly the chemistry was crazy. He would call me everyday the conversations were great talking about family, ambitions, religion, music etc and we’d be on the phone for hours minimum 3 hours. We never had sex all within that period. He took me out on a date to the cinemas and we had a great time a week after we started talking. But then a week later the red flags started creeping up he wasn’t calling me everyday anymore so in mind I was just thinking I cant expect him to call everyday it’s not realistic and then he would start taking longer to reply to my messages. One time I messaged him and his reponse was just so off it felt so forced. So I thought let me give him some space. I didn’t hear from him for four days he messaged just “hey” and I reponded with “ohh hey” and he said to me why do you respond like that. I said because i wasn’t expecting to hear from you and he asked me why and I explained. He said to me if I felt a type of way why didn’t I say anything but then said I don’t chase after people if I feel like someone doesn’t want to talk to me I back off. So when he called me that evening he said to be honest “it says a lot about the type of person you are”. So then In mind I started doubting myself maybe i shouldn’t have said something. Anyway thinking that he had understood where I was coming from the inconsistence carried ohh in calling one day then not calling for days later. Then last week it was the same but it’s been over a day and nothing. I refused to contact him I didnt want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me. But to be honest this is not the first time this has happened to me with a guy and I don’t understand why? Ive never even been in a relationship and I do show interest interest. It’s so confusing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for sharing your experience Nina! You’re definitely one of many women that go through these types of situations. I know it can be hard dealing with the “disappearing acts,” especially when things seems to be going so well.

      What you have to remember in dating though is that consistency is key! If a man is not consistent in his communications with you, he’s not someone you should be putting stock into. Thanks for taking the time to read my post and share your perspective!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So this guy pursued me for 3 or 4 years but I was in a relationship. When that relationship ended, I took a break from the dating scene. So when I decided to start dating again, I figured I at least give the guy a chance. Last year, we started “talking” and everything was good. We would facetime, text, and go on dates. He made it seem like we actually had a future together. Then out of nowhere, he disappeared. I’ve never been one to chase, even though it hurt I let him go. After four months of complete silence, I was in a good place. I was dating again and moving on with life. Then out of nowhere, he reappears in my life. I was hesitant and I told him that. I expressed to him how I didn’t appreciate what he did and I was apprehensive to even talk to him. He was saying that he didn’t mean for it to happen like that. He felt I was too good for him and he didn’t deserve me. Needless to say, I decided to give him another chance I did still have feelings for him. We were doing good for 7 months, even with the distance between us. We had normal communication. He would talk a lot about a future with me. He was talking wedding, marriage, moving in together, and even children. I never said much on it but he always did. Throughout our time “talking” we spent time together but we were never intimate with one another. Our conversations werent everyday because I believe there are times when we both need some space. He didn’t like that, he wanted to talk everyday. However, he didn’t contact me. He wanted me contact him, drive to see him, and do everything to make it work between us. I told him that wouldn’t happen that it was an equal thing. He agreed, so he would text me, I would reply and he wouldn’t text back. Or I would text and he still wouldn’t reply.
    Our days of communication are fading. We haven’t had a conversation for a week. Of course it was by text in which he never responded back. He didn’t think to at least tell me Happy Thanksgiving! Then two days ago, he texted me saying “Aye” in which I didn’t respond.

    If he’s just not into me, I get it. If he has other girls or a girlfriend, I can let him go. Whatever his reason for disappearing out of my life, I can deal with that. But it’s the constant REAPPEARING that I don’t understand. If you do not want to be with me then why not leave me alone? Why stop talking to me then try talking to me again?

    Is it about sex? Is this a power or control thing for him? Does this boost his self-esteem? What is his deal?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for being so open about your experience.

      It can be difficult dealing with men reappearing in your life, especially if you had genuine feelings for them. But, if a man is truly into you, he’s not going to disappear off the face of the earth and then pop back into your life a week or months later.

      Many women are perplexed by the fact that some men can ignore texts and calls for days or weeks and come back in the picture like nothing happened. Do men reappear in your life because of sex, power and control, or self-esteem? The answer depends on the man. There’s no one-size fits all answer on this.

      The most important thing to remember is that, if he is genuinely interested you, he’s not going to disappear from your life. I really appreciate you opening up and sharing your experience.

      And, remember, you’re worth a man staying in touch with you!!

      Like

  3. I am glad I am not alone in enduring this annoying blow to one’s ego! This is the second time in my life this has happened to me. Although this time, it was a completely different scenario…Which does not make it any less irritating. Having been single for longer than I care to admit, I finally succumbed to searching for a man online. Typically, I date younger men for no reason in particular, other than they are the ones who usually pursue me. Most men my age are already spoken for and older men often creep me out. Even though I am 40, I look like I am in my late 20’s. I digress. I met this man, who is a few years older and lives abroad, yet he seemed perfect for me. Geography may be challenging for most, but I love to travel and I am also willing to move if the man is worth it. Seeing as he lives in one of my favorite cities, he matched me wit for wit, is super good looking and challenged me intellectually — it was a no brainer that I would hop on the next plane to meet him. Well, we began corresponding 6 months ago, covering every topic as friends and prospective lovers do. From day 1 it was no secret how much we had in common and how attracted we were to each other. We both admitted how comfortable we were with one another and how unfortunate it was that we lived so far apart. But neither of us seemed to care and we continued building our friendship. About 2 months ago, his father’s health began to deteriorate and he eventually passed, which he reached out to me for comfort and solace. Naturally, I stepped up and was very caring and helpful given the distance between us. We continued to flirt and correspond throughout Christmas and just before New Year’s he disappeared. I am stunned as our last conversation was very endearing and promising that in the coming year we would meet. Now, he has vanished. So in summary, young or old, men are still immature.

    Like

  4. This prospect asked for my number two months ago..he came on strong and acted like a cat marking his territory. I texted him 4 days later..he responded then it went on like that for two months..text massages only but he has never picked up the phone to call. Well that got old I want to know what his intention are, does he like me or what? I worded it very nice and kind. I didn’t go off the handle I kept my cool. I told him if he wasn’t interested that I would be okay with it. No hard feelings. Well that was last night. I haven’t gotten. A text or a call. I told him I liked him but but felt lost since he doesn’t take the initiative to text or call me first. He has in the past but I could count how many times in my left hand. My friends say to be patient that he will respond. I erased his number. I’m 47 years old. I cannot believe these childish games still go on. I like him and would like something to come out of our friend ship but I’m not chasing no man. Sorry, been there done that. I feel numb, kind of hurt..I can’t cry..I have no tears left. I have become the woman of steel.

    Like

  5. Oops I pressed the send button too soon. All I want at this time is for him to call or text me back so that I can flip the switch and have the satisfaction of not returning his call. I hope I don’t sound evil..I just want to give him a lil taste if his own med.

    Like

    • Not getting a response to your texts or calls is never a good sign. The truth is, if he’s not calling or texting, he’s just not interested in you.

      It can be difficult coming to terms with the fact that someone you’re interested in doesn’t share the same feelings. But, as hard as it may be to deal with a disappearing man, the worst thing you can do is wait on pins and needles for him to contact you again.

      He stopped giving you the time of day and you should do the same. Someone who has showed you their lack of interest should never have the power to hurt you, make you feel numb, or bring you to tears. You are worth so much better, no matter what your age is!!

      Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the disappearing act! I’m looking forward to more of your comments!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Here is my story . Very confused . Been off and on with my ex for six years. He keeps doing the disapearing act. The last two times I gave up and move on . I was with someone for two years. He contacted me and I told him I was seeing someone. The two year guy broke up with me and I ended up getting back with my ex. He told me he loved me didn’t know why he did what he did. We went eight months doing good with no disapearing on me. Then after the eight months I thibk I got him mad and that was the last I heard from him. Please help me I want him back but I need to know and understand if he has a routine that he is always going to do this. I haven’t heard from ihim in over two weeks . Please help. Should I try to get him back or is it time to let him go.

    Like

    • The real question you need to ask is whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a man that keeps walking out of your life? While you’ve been stressing out about your ex, he hasn’t shown concern for you and is happily living his life. Ultimately, you don’t want to chase a man back into a relationship. If a man wants to go, you have to let him go.

      Take the time you need to heal from this relationship. Don’t worry about your ex, he’s living his life, start living your life again too! I really appreciate you opening up about your relationship and I hope everything works out for the best!!

      Like

  7. I have a good story! Dating this guy for almost 9 months…..5 weeks ago he was telling me he was thinking about going back to a bad relationship with a woman who packed up and left him almost a year ago. Then 4 weeks ago he started acting really possessive with me and questioning me about why I don’t answer his calls/texts right away. Now for the last 2 weeks nothing…..no calls, no text messages, nothing!

    Because I believe this is a push-pull relationship game that he is playing I have not picked up the phone to call or text him to find out what’s going on.

    Your thoughts??

    Like

    • You’re definitely doing the right thing, it sounds like this guy is all over the place and probably not the best person to continue investing in emotionally. Truthfully, the fact that he was even thinking about leaving you to get back in a relationship with another woman tells you that it’s definitely time to let go and move on.

      Whatever this guy is really up to, your energy will be better spent elsewhere. Thanks for reading my article and opening up about your own situation!!

      Like

  8. Hello. Thank you for this article. I wish I’d read it three months ago. I met my boyfriend three months ago when he was in town for work. We live in different states. We hit it off immediately and despite the distance, he pursued aggressively. I’m 38 and he’s 36, so I would like to think I’m a little smarter than I’ve behaved. I usually abide by the philosophy that when a guy burns hot, he extinguishes fast. My sister passed away right when I met him, so I was especially vulnerable. The relationship gave me a distraction to help me through the hard times. His sweet messages and proclamations lifted my spirits. It did raise a flag when only two weeks in he started sending me texts like “I ❤ you" (what are we, 14?) and saying how amazing I would look in a wedding dress. After his next visit, we really connected and had a lot of sex. A lot, a lot of sex. I've never felt so much chemistry with a guy. After he went home, his messages escalated to "you're the woman I've waited my whole life for" and soulmate talk. He prompted me to move across the country and to find a job out there.

    But despite his professions of love, I had a gut feeling that he wasn't necessarily genuine. He would send me kissy faces over text and tell me how amazing I was but if I wanted to have a normal conversation, he would not respond for hours or sometimes not at all. I would have to reach out again or he would respond eons later with a heart or a "Baby I miss you". He said he missed me all the time and wanted us to live together and get married. But when I tried to talk to him about planning a visit, he would quickly change the subject. I ended up getting a job interview where he lives and told him they would fly me there. He acted very excited and said he couldn't wait for me to visit. I'd already been out to visit him once before and we had an amazing time. This last visit (last weekend) was just as wonderful. He had so many fun (and expensive) activities lined up for us. He'd clearly put thought into it.

    Because of my uneasy feelings and noticing that he'd become FB friends with some girls in the two weeks before my visit that didn't quite make sense (they live in my city and are in completely different industries than he's in), I wanted to do some reconnaissance to see if I could learn more about him and find out if he was the real deal. I tried to learn about his friends but he said he doesn't have any close ones. I ended up meeting one when he and I were out by accident. He was odd and standoffish. Wouldn't disclose how they knew each other or what he did for a living. I asked him about the women on FB and he wouldn't look me in the eyes and said he gets introduced to all sorts of people when he's traveling for work. On my previous visit I found a pair of panties in his bedroom, which he said were "old" and a long hair in his car he said was a coworkers but wouldn't say who the coworker was.

    He talked about all of these trips he wanted to take with me and I said well, let's just start with our next visit to see each other. He said, we will figure it out. And tried to change the subject. And I said, I would love it if we could just figure out since we were together. I told him in the beginning that to do long distance I need regular communication and plans in place to see each other. If we lived in the same city, we'd probably make plans to see each other again before our date ended. And if not, it's easier to plan to see each other when you live close. Planning travel takes time and money. And lately, it had been me paying to come to see him. He had only come to see me when his work paid for it.

    He said he would come to my state in September some time. I said that's a ways off. What are you doing for all of August? He wouldn't say and said, it's not that far away. I said, so you want to wait 4-6 weeks to see me? And he said, "baby I would see you every day if I could." I said that when he comes to town, I don't see much of him because he goes out to dinner and then drinks with his coworkers. He said he would come in early. Then he asked if it bothers me if he goes out with his coworkers. I said I understand he has obligations but I guess I didn't understand why he had to go out until bar close every night with his coworkers when he and I don't see each other that often. Maybe there was a way we could meet up? He did not like this and changed the subject.

    We went to bed and actually had very romantic sex. At the end he said he felt a strong emotional connection to me. The next morning, he drove me to the airport and I haven't really heard from him since. He texted me back when I landed and said he was glad I was home. No "baby" or "love" or any emojis as usual. I didn't hear from him for the rest of the night or the next day. I texted and asked if he was okay and he said he was sick. I let him be for another day and the next day I texted and asked if he was alright and he said yes but was feeling pensive and I asked about what and he said he would call me and we'd talk. I said okay. Then asked if he was annoyed at the comment I made about him going out with his coworkers. That I was sorry if I sounded controlling. It's just that we don't get much time together. He responded that he was bothered by it and was feeling pressure and didn't like that I posted FB pictures of the two of us (even though he was aware I was doing so and said I was his girlfriend and the love of his life so …). I said okay, well, we can discuss your thoughts when we talk. He didn't call. He sent a text at midnight that night after NOT calling and just said, "goodnight". I didn't get it until the morning. I responded and said good morning. And that I would still like to talk. Nothing. I waited a couple more days and reached out one more time and said, if he needs space or has decided this is no longer working for him, that's fine. I'd just appreciate the respect of knowing. He did tell me he loved me after all. Nothing.

    Our photos are still up on his FB profile but he's radio silent. I don't know what to do. My friends say he's a bad apple and was never serious about me. That all the lines he fed me were lines. I just don't understand why he would go to such lengths to pull one over on a 38 year old woman who lives in another state. Did he realize he wasn't ready for commitment? Was he just playing me and realized it wasn't going to work on me because I asked too many questions? I'm debating sending him a final message to end it on my end, just for closure's sake or just letting it go. I'm very hurt. It's so cowardly to leave me hanging and I can't believe after everything he told me that he would care so little about my feelings. I feel like I'm way too old to be dealing with such childish behavior, so I'm just not sure how to respond. Any help?

    Like

    • I never heard of the philosophy “when a guy burns hot, he extinguishes fast,” but I do agree with it to a certain extent. Most of the time, when a man comes on really strong and tries to “lay it on thick,” it’s usually fleeting attention that doesn’t last because his aim is simply to quickly move you to the bedroom. So, it’s always a great idea to take your time in getting to know a man and pace the dating so that you don’t get wrapped up in this guy’s facade and you give him enough time to let his true colors show.

      As much as it can be hard to trust ourselves, you should always listen to your gut instinct. If your boyfriend, or the guy you’re dating, doesn’t return your phone call sometimes, that’s a huge red flag that you can’t write off or ignore. And, finding another woman’s underwear in your boyfriend’s bedroom is something that just shouldn’t happen if he really feels that you’re the love of his life.

      Your boyfriend said that he missed you all the time and wanted to live together and get married, but when you tried to talk about planning a visit, he quickly changed the subject. When he came in town to visit you, it was only when he had to be there for work and he spent most of his time on the trip working and drinking with coworkers until the bars closed instead of spending his post work-dinner time with you. He also said you were the love of his life, but didn’t like the fact that you posted Facebook pictures of the two of you.

      Your boyfriend’s words and actions were never in sync. When dating, one of the most important things to look for in a man is consistency between his words (what he tells you) and his actions (what he is actually doing). If a man’s words aren’t consistent with his actions, this lets you know that his words can’t be relied on. Remember, men’s actions will always tell you how they truly feel about you.

      Sadly, there are some men with travel-heavy jobs that will go great lengths to cultivate and maintain hookups in the various cities they travel to for work. This is definitely one of those guys. Your friends are 100% correct and you deserve much better than the scraps that this guy was trying to give you.

      Thanks for checking out my post and I really appreciate you sharing your experience Amy!

      Like

  9. I met a older guy and we met 5 times. He was flirtatious and suggestive but said he was a gentleman. The last meet he invited me over for a massage. But seemed a little hesitant. I went and spent the night. We had a massage and even though things could of gone further they didn’t. After this he went silent. No text no calls nothing just crickets. I didn’t chase him and went quiet also. 3 wks later he appears on the dating site winking at me so I ignore him. He eventually does message with a how’s the dating going.
    I’m totally confused by this guy.

    Like

    • If a man is inconsistent with you, this is a red flag. It sounds like this guy may have been looking for much more when he invited you over for a massage. And, he may have lost interest when you weren’t willing to go further with him. If this is the case, this definitely isn’t the type of man you want to date, let alone chase.

      If you want a man who has a genuine interest in you, it’s time to get back out there and open yourself up to meeting new men. Thanks for checking out my post and sharing your recent experience!

      Like

  10. The fact that this strand has been going on until now just goes to show how common this situation really is. However, when it happens to you personally it does not feel so common – it feels darn personal. I have been on an online dating site since June and have found that guys do not really bother to contact me first. I made an effort to have a professional profile writer do my profile and had professional photos taken. After a month I decided to be brave and start sending guys I thought would match well short “hi there, if you think we have something in common, send me an e-mail” type of messages. This one specific guy replied very enthusiastically saying that he would get back to me on Saturday. So Saturday came and went and a week later I send him a general “hi there” message. We started corresponding and I have to say, it has been a lot of fun. I had a few crazy deadlines as did he but he often assured me that he will make time for me no matter what – it was very important to him to maintain balance between his work and private life. He also suggested we must have coffee at the end of August when things are quieter and work pace is slower – to which I responded “that would be lovely but ask me again closer to the time”. Then I went away for a long weekend and when I returned I heard nothing from him. I also had terrible deadlines and really thought he would send me a message of encouragement – you know, just a short “thinking of you, will be praying for you – you’ve got it” kind of thing, but nothing. Then – fool that I am – once again messaged him after my hectic schedule ended – jokingly sending him a picture of smoke signals saying “hi there, hope you are doing okay…” Of course the communication then picked up again. He apologized for being so quiet – he knew that I was going to be crazy busy and was waiting to hear from me about how my long weekend was etc. We had a number of good conversations and he time and time again told me how he enjoys my e-mails and I did the same – because I really did enjoy his e-mails. We’ve been mailing daily for two weeks when his mails stopped coming. Since Monday I have not yet heard as much as a peep from him and it is now Thursday. I’ve been asking myself what is going on here. He will be able to find me if it is really important to him. If life is crazy all of a sudden he has the ability to just send a short few words to say so – if it is truly important to him. That thing of when in doubt there is no doubt has reared its head, and I must be honest with myself by acknowledging that there is a definite pattern here. I am a firm believer of “start the way you intend to go on in future” and this is not what I want for my future. After 6 weeks I am sad to stop all communication with him because I do think he has good qualities, but it took me a long time to recover from divorce after 23 years of married life, and I have to be kind to myself and take care of my own emotional health as well. I do not wish to enter in a relationship that has all the makings of being an emotional roller coaster adventure. This was a very good exercise putting to words and seeing it written in front of me. Thanks for providing this platform.

    Like

    • You’re actually right, expressing your experiences and feelings, whether written or verbally is a great and healthy exercise. And, another added benefit of doing this is that it forces you to confront what you’ve been dealing with. Things tend to be easier to ignore and overlook when they stay in our heads, which is why it’s great to have a good dating coach on hand!

      Thanks for taking the time to read my post and share your experience with me and other women!

      Like

  11. I am in a 5 mos relationship and am in love. We have amazing chemistry BUT he keeps disappearing. We will have plans that he will say he forgets and then when I do get him on the phone to confront him about them, usually it will be once the plans have been ruined. Good example was I spent NY Eve alone. He forgot we had plans and fell asleep after working that day! When we had plans. When u confront him about the situation he is extremely agitated, usually hangs up on me and then disappears for a week. After which he will call day he was wrong and try to do something nice. This affects me tremendously, but also my 15 year old. I am a single mom. He and my daughter are super tight and she gets upset every time he does this. This is the 5th time in 5 months. I don’t know what to do????? When we are together we are great but this is killing our relationship !help! I need advice

    Like

    • You need to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about how his disappearances make you and your daughter feel. If he isn’t receptive to the conversation or disappears again to avoid the issue, you need to decide whether you really want to continue dating a man who has no problem jumping in and out of you and your daughter’s life.

      Thanks for reading my article and sharing your experience! I truly wish you all the best.

      Like

  12. I was dating a guy that seemed to disappear a lot for around 2 months. He told me he wanted to take things slow since he was just out of a relationship. I said that was ok but I wanted to see him more. After this I noticed that he pulled back and while we were both out of town were barely in contact. He ended both texting conversations by not responding. This was a 2 week period or so since we had seen each other. Finally a week later I got fed up and told him I didn’t think he was interested anymore so I was letting go. I saw that he went back on the dating site we met on and that hurt but I am moving on. Do you think I made the right choice?

    Like

    • You definitely made the right choice! This guy clearly showed you that you aren’t a priority to him and the interest just isn’t there. I know it’s hard to see a guy go back on the dating site where you met, especially if you are actually into him. But, moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself, this guy is certainly not worth your time or energy.

      Thanks for checking out my article and taking the time to share your experience!

      Like

  13. I was dating a guy for almost 3 mths.
    He’d come on fast to begin with and after the 3rd date he had said he wanted to be more than friends. He told me he loved me after only 3 wks. He introduced me to friends and family. Took me out on dates. Seemed very genuine and caring guy. But did claim to be a victim in his last relationships. Was cheated on. All was going ok until I missed a goodnight text then he went quiet. He texted a day later and after 2 messages he ignores mine and leaves me hanging. I didn’t play into it and left him to it. He then asks me if he’s reading too much into the lack of communication, even though it was him that had ignored me. The next day he sends me a message saying he didn’t think it was going to work long term. No sorry nothing just a smiley face. What the heck did I do wrong?

    Like

    • It seems he was very upset that you didn’t respond to his goodnight text and pulled back from there. Instead of addressing it directly and openly telling you how he felt, he chose to take the childish route of blowing you off and then trying to flip it around to make it look like you were the withdrawn one. Honestly, he did you a huge favor by ending things, this wasn’t the guy for you!

      Like

  14. Hello May name is Tiffany,

    I am currently dating a guy who is an over the road trucker for about 6 months. Yeah I know. His bread and butter is driving and he is all over the United States driving. I met him when I was in middle school so we have history. He was my childhood crush. So I said what the heck. Things were great at first and we talked for hours on end. We have a real connection with deep conversations. I don’t see him very often like 3 times since we dated. During some of the conversations, it’s like he would compete with me and lie about things that happened. Maybe he forgot that I was there when he grew up?!?! Anyways. He started disappearing for entire weekends or one ore 2 days. He would say he lost his phone, got arrested, went out with friends got drunk, whatever. Just like real crappy reasons. This past weekend, he did it again. I feel so upset. Because he was treated horribly by his last relationships according to his friends and family. I see the red flags and feel almost defeated that this relationship will end. I am a good woman that only wants his love not his money because I got my own. I can’t get him on the phone and have a feeling I’m going to to have to end it.

    Like

  15. I am going through a very nasty divorce and me this guy, I opened up to him about what I was going through and he seemed to listen, Its only been about 2 weeks, everything seemed great, I went to his house, but never went in, he reassured me that he is single, but if your such a good man, why are you single is what I keep asking, but when the weekends come I never hear from him, its definitely a clear warning sign, I dont think I would like to start a relationship, where a man can’t be honest, one main reason on why a man doesn’t answer is because he’s tied up with someone else, because if he likes like he says he does, he wouldnt disappear, I think its a clear sign that he is not single. Oh I’ve tried to leave it alone but he persisted I was giving up something that could be great. Im definitely bothered by it and think I know my answer..Whats your opinion.

    Like

  16. Ok, I’ve been on and off with my ex for over 3 yrs now. We got engaged in January of this year and he has disappeared several times to just reappear. Yes I throw him out but his actions don’t match anything he has ever promised me. When he’s gone he texts me nasty stuff usually talks about my mom and father and myself. I was always suspicious about his cell phone to begin with, he’s had the same number for over 12 yrs and won’t change it. I find that strange. He shuts his phone off at night and during the day he shuts his ringer off and says he doesn’t want anyone to bother him, I’m far from dumb I know there are females calling and texting the problem is we were engaged he’s 49 I’m 38 shouldn’t be be more mature at his age? I don’t understand why he even proposed. He leaves comes back leaves comes back. He never even shared with any of his friends that he was even engaged to me which I find he’s hiding me from his real world. He claims he’s never lied to me never cheated on me I just don’t but it any of it so I threw him out last week. I miss him but I know he doesn’t truly love me, I don’t believe he ever did, do you?

    Like

    • From the sound of it, no. A man that truly loves you would not say nasty stuff about you and your parents. This sounds like emotional abuse and you should never date anyone that abuses you physically or emotionally. And him hiding the engagement from his friends is not a good sign either. You did the right thing.

      Like

  17. My boyfriend of three years keeps doing this to me.

    Back then he’s just gonna ignore my phone calls everytime he was upset.

    Once he decided not to come home. We were living together at that time, not anymore.

    Then it got worse, he starts dissapearing ever once in a while. Could be for days or even weeks. I always be the one who approach him, just to find myself being bullied.

    He keeps asking about marriage, but if you were in my position, you’d know by heart why saying yes is not an easy thing to do despite the fact that you love him so.

    And when I finally said yes.. he disappeared.

    I can’t stand this anymore. You are tight, I’m not a victim, I’m a willing participant and I hate myself for trusting him that much.

    Now I try to heal and give him space. Even if he got back to my life, I need to stop denying that he’s not the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I can’t imagine living that life.

    If any of you experiencing the same treatment from your beloved. Please, learn to love yourself, bit by bit. We’re not gonna have different result by applying the same approach over and over again. And it’s proven.

    Like

    • Great advice! Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your experience. It’s never easy dealing with the disappearing act, but taking responsibility for our acceptance of it is the first step towards better relationships. You said you can’t imagine living that kind of life. I think most women feel the same way, but it’s hard to walk away.

      Like

  18. I am so glad I am not alone. I met this guy on a dating site 3 weeks ago. I wasn’t really interested at first but we exchanged numbers and began texting. It became daily communication. New years eve we talked in the phone for the first time and it was like we knew each other. Conversation flowed. Texting became intense. We knew we liked each other. We meet two days later and the physical chemistry was amazing!! He started the deep texting about wanting to continue seeing me and possibly moving into a relationship. I was game!! He was good looking and we had so much in common…..connected on all levels. We met up again and again the chemistry was amazing. He didn’t want to have sex (although I wasn’t ready for it yet) until later. He wanted to take things slow and build a relationship and when the time was right, it could happen. Texting everyday, all day. Good morning texts, good night texts. Just everything I wanted to hear. I was in heaven!! Last text I received was this past Friday, just a normal “good morning beautiful, have a good day, I miss you”. Since then he has disappeared. I texted later that evening as I usually do when I get home and nothing. I called and after two rings it went to voicemail which meant he declined the call. I know he has been stressing over finding fulltime work BUT I don’t deserve this at all. He knows how I feel about him and now I am just in total shock. I feel so foolish right now that I let the guard I had up for so long to be treated like this.

    Like

    • While you may feel like you did the wrong thing by letting your guard down, it’s really the only way to let love in. Obviously, the risk of letting your guard down is the possibility of getting hurt, but that risk is worth it if it means getting that great love you really want. It’s unfortunate that this guy lost interest, but looking on the bright side- now you have the chance to meet the right person for you. It’s okay to feel let down because it didn’t work out, but you can’t dwell on it and stay down. Start doing the things you enjoy and love to bring more joy into your life. You’ll meet a great man when you least expect it.

      Like

  19. i have been dating a guy for almost a year, and in the past 6 months his ex and her friends have harrassed my relationship with him, claiming he is cheating and still contacting her wanting a relationship, i just deemed her as crazy and still in love with him. but since he has gone back into the mines, he is 7 on 7 off, on his weeks off he usually comes back to mine but for the past month and a half the week leading up to when he comes back he is all keen to come home and then come friday – no word from him – his phone is off – i hear nothing untill he goes back to work the following week.

    the first time he did this, he was upset about what the girls were saying to try and destroy his relationship

    the second time – he got a flat tyre and apparently ended up in hospital after fainting. never got actual proof of this.

    third time – our messages were not going through to one another i wasnt receiving his and he wasnt receiving mine.

    4th time – still no contact – no idea. as he is still MIA

    so i know he has had issues with finances, stress, friends and family, so iv been very tolerant and patient because it hasnt been easy. but now there is nothing to justify or excuse his actions. he says he loves me and he knows he shouldn’t dissapear and he wants to be with me – BUT ALL HIS ACTIONS SAY DIFFERENTLY. so iv had to break up with him via a text ( he doesnt come home for me to do it person )

    he hasnt gone back to work yet, but im sure il probably hear from him if he figures out a way of contacting me when iv blocked him from every way possible of contacting me. but I have put up with enough of this behavior and no he is just taking the piss, you know its first signs of emotional abuse, its shit that there are people out there like this. is so so shit. and its even more shit that a good relationship has come to end because he was never who he made out he was. Sad time for me right now but i know il be better off for it. just got to get through this feeling of feeling the fool.

    Like

    • You definitely shouldn’t feel like a fool! He took advantage of your love and trust by feeding you lies instead of being straight forward and just ending the relationship. You clearly learned from the situation and that’s all that matters in the end. You didn’t deserve this and I’m sorry you had to deal with it. The right man will come into your life, don’t give up hope!

      Like

  20. Ok so I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month now and thing are usually great. But every Monday he plays this disappearing act. He like call me first thing in the morning and feed me this story about spending the day with his mom or sleeping all day. Then I won’t heat from him for hours. Like all day. Other than an occasional short text saying hey or something sweet but when I respond back he won’t answer back for hours. Then around 8 or 9 pm he will be back. And talking and responding like normal. This has been happening on a weekly basis since we started dating… And the thing is he was dating a girl that lived a few hours away and would visit her very Monday and Tuesday. She told me last week she spent the day with him. And when I talked to him about it he of course denied it. But it still seems so strange for him to do this every week.

    Like

Leave a Comment!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s