3 Ways Your Smartphone Is Hurting The Quality of Your Relationships

Smartphones and tablets have made it easier than ever to stay connected with the world at all times. But, at what cost? We get so used to checking our emails, texts, social media, and websites that we often don’t recognize the negative impact is has on our relationships.

Self-awareness of our behavior and how it impacts our relationships is an important step in the process of improving the quality of our relationships. So, here are 3 ways your smartphone is hurting the quality of your relationships:

1. You’re Not Engaged

When you’re constantly doing things on your phone, you aren’t staying in the moment. While you may feel present in a conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend when you’re responding to texts, the reality is, you’re not.

You can’t truly be engaged with someone when part of your attention is focused on your phone. When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to get carried away on your phone and not really enjoy the time you are spending with your partner. What could be an intimate or engaging evening turns out to be stale, boring, and mostly silent.

2. Your Sweetheart Feels Ignored

The attention your smartphone gets deprives your loved ones of the attention and affection they deserve. If you think being preoccupied with your phone goes unnoticed, even if it’s just while watching a movie, you’re sadly mistaken. Your boyfriend or girlfriend can definitely tell when you’re not in the moment. You’re physically there, but you’re not mentally there.

The person you’re dating shouldn’t feel like he or she has to compete with your smartphone for attention. You also don’t want your sweetie to feel like you aren’t interested in what he or she is saying because you’re half-heartedly engaged in conversations, only making one or two comments here and there.

No one likes feeling ignored or unimportant, but this is what happens when you focus on your phone more than what a person is saying.

3. It Decreases The Intimacy

Being more in tune with your phone than your sweetheart can take a toll on your relationship. You should be maximizing the time you spend with your honey and you do this by giving your undivided attention. Staying in the moment will allow you to increase the intimacy and connection between you two.

Don’t let texts, emails, social media, or candy crush get in the way of what you’re building. Unless there’s an emergency or an important business deal on the table, everything else can wait.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Increase Your Chances of Making a Connection

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ideally, we all want to go out on a new date and make a great connection. We’d love to immediately “click” with the other person and hit it off!

But, not everyone is meant to make a connection that, ultimately, sparks a great relationship.

While you won’t always make a connection with new dates, there are things you can do to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date.

Image courtesy of Patrisyu / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Patrisyu / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The On-Hand Technology Dilemma 

In this day and age, we have all become so attached to technology and our little gadgets that we often let it get in the way of fully living and enjoying the moment.

We are constantly checking our phone for texts, emails, or calls and it’s to the detriment of what we have going on in front of us.

It’s not possible to be 100% in the moment while your using or checking your phone.

And, you better believe that people can sense when you’re not “in the conversation” and this can limit the amount of effort that a person will make in trying to talk to you or connect with you.

So, with the compulsion we feel towards constantly utilizing our technology, how can we prevent this from interfering with our dates and every day life?

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Turn The Technology Off

In order to increase your chances of making a genuine connection on your dates, you need to turn your technology off!

Now, I do understand that going on a date with someone new can present questions of safety, which necessitates access to your phone in case of an emergency.

However, you can put your phone on vibrate and keep it in your pocket or purse if you won’t feel compelled to pull it out the second it vibrates.

If you can’t keep yourself from checking your phone when you feel it vibrate, then you need to completely turn it off on your date or keep it in your car.

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Make A Connection

It’s nearly impossible to make a connection with someone you don’t know when your face is buried in your phone.

It’s one thing if your expecting a really important phone call, in which case, you should let your date know that you’re expecting an important phone call so they won’t feel unimportant or ignored on the date.

Considering that it’s not always easy to make a connection with someone new, you have to know that regularly checking your phone will actually hurt the flow of conversation and take you “out of the moment.”

In remaining connected to the conversation, and thus, your date, you make it much easier to make a great connection.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Conversation Is A Two-Way Street

Conversation on a date is not a one-way street. It takes the effort of both people.

If your focus is on your phone and who’s texting or emailing you, you won’t be putting in the requisite amount of effort you need in order to continue the fluidity of your conversation.

Therefore, if you want to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date, you need to turn your technology off!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

Ladies, how many times have you been dating a guy and while it seems it’s going well because you’re hearing from him everyday or every other day, all of a sudden he disappears and you hear nothing for days or a week?

Well, this is a huge RED FLAG!!!

Consistency is Key!

Listen carefully ladies: Consistency is KEY!! Consistency lets you know that a man is who he is claiming himself to be.

A man’s words must align with his actions!

If a man makes promises that he doesn’t fulfill, or a man says he operates one way, but actually does something else, take this as a sign and red flag that this man is NOT who he claims himself to be.

Write The Script and He’ll Play The Part

Many men play “roles” for women. To be clearer, men play the part they think you want them to play in order to get what they want from you!

Let me explain. Say you meet a man and on the first or second date you let him know that your ex never told you that you are beautiful and he never opened doors for you. What will happen is: The man will start telling you that you’re beautiful and opening doors for you.

Why? Because you’ve let him know the role you wanted him to play. You fed him the lines for his character. Your ex didn’t do so and so, therefore, you want him to do or say these things.

Don’t Give Him A Character To Play

While many women see this kind of information sharing as just a way to share themselves and allow a man to get to know them and their past experiences, some men actually take these conversations as “you need to do this if you want to be with me.”

Don’t tell a man what your ex did that you disliked. Why?? So that you can see how this man will actually treat you on his own without prompting from you!

Stop feeding men the lines and roles that you want them to play and let them SHOW you who they will be with you.

Where Does This Come From?

Early on in my dating life, I picked up on the fact that men would try to mimic (not genuinely) the dating preferences I shared with them. This made me more cognizant of the past relationship experiences that I decided to share with new men I dated.

However, it wasn’t until I read the book, “Play or Be Played,” that I realized that this was all a kind of game. This book has great wisdom for women and you should read it at least twice!!!

And, I wasn’t paid or induced to endorse or promote this book. I just have genuine love for it!

While some of you may say, well isn’t it a good thing if he starts playing that role and doing the things your exes didn’t do?? WRONG!!!!

The Role Is Not A Man’s Genuine Self

In fact, a man will play this role, however, he can’t and won’t play this role forever. Most men will start showing their true colors around the 3 month mark. For some reason men can’t seem to keep an act alive for much longer than a few months.

But, it makes sense because its hard to act like a different person or maintain a facade for an extended period of time. This is why you will see a lot of women with 3 month rules, because they understand that you really see who a person is a few months after you’ve met them.

The 3 Month Rule

Now, the 3 month rule does run you the risk of having a man play that “role” more extensively in order to pass your 3 month test. So, if you decide to use the 3 month rule:

1. Be cautious,

2. Keep your eyes open,

3. Listen carefully, and

4. Don’t prompt a man to do what you want him to do, instead, let him show you who he is!!!

*REMEMBER THIS:*

When a person shows you who they are, believe it! Stop trying to rationalize a man’s erratic or bad behavior, especially if he isn’t even trying to explain or apologize for his actions himself.

Bringing you back to my original point, if you normally hear from the man you are dating every day or every other day, but there are times that he disappears for days or even weeks at a time and you are unable to reach him, take this as a serious red flag and proceed with extreme caution because there may be a whole lot more to the picture that you don’t see!

Regardless of whether you can confirm that a man’s disappearing act is due to him being with other women or not, you have to evaluate whether this man is right for you based on his actions as a whole, based on the big picture.

To clarify, whether or not you know if this man is seeing other women or is just bad with his phone (rare these days) you have to ask yourself, do I want to be with a man that can disappear for days at a time without communicating or responding to my calls or texts??

It’s A Choice, Not First Come First Served

Unfortunately, many women are so eager to have a man and/or get married that they are ready to seriously date or marry any man that comes into the picture.

However, we can’t be this lax! We have to evaluate EVERY man individually to determine whether this is the kind of man that we really want to be with and who is actually good for us!

This is what you need to ask yourself to determine whether to proceed!

Stop taking any man as they come and start taking control of your dating life. If you pull back from men that exhibit serious red flags, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of heartache and months of recuperating!

Oddly enough, many women are happy to be in relationships that they KNOW aren’t going anywhere. But, wait, there is something they don’t realize.

Unnecessary Relationship = Unnecessary Heartache

By being in an unnecessary relationship, women will take on emotional baggage from this relationship and it could become harder to maintain healthy dating habits in the future.

To put it simpler, by being in an unnecessary or bad relationship, you’ll probably have attitude or negative feelings towards the next several men you encounter and, therefore, someone who may have been a great match for you may be put off by your negative attitude or pessimistic conversations that are really just a result of the trials and tribulations from your previous relationship, which you had no business being in!

Just some food for thought! Start paying attention to red flags because when someone shows you who they are, there is no rationalizing you can do to change them.

Be kind to your body and mind, don’t rack your brain trying to make excuses for a man. If you find yourself doing this, it may be time to move on!

If you’ve been a victim of the disappearing act, I want to hear your story or your thoughts! BUT, remember ladies, after the third time of having a man pull the disappearing act on you, you’re no longer a victim. Instead, you’re a willing participant!

Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice and it’s shame on me!!

If you have any thoughts on the “disappearing act,” please leave your comments below, I love hearing your perspective!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

21 Pieces Of Relationship “Advice” You Should Always Ignore

Plenty of these “tips” should be ignored!!! My favorite was “You can’t expect [insert act of basic human decency here] from men. They’re hopeless.”

This is hilarious! Why shouldn’t we expect basic human decency from men?? It’s time to stop cutting men so much slack that they can get away with having no human decency! Great post! Thanks for the laughs!

Access the full article here: 21 Pieces of Relationship Advice you Should Always Ignore

Entry 4: Phone Etiquette Pt. 3- Sexting!!

Sexting is basically when you take sexy or sexually explicit photos of yourself and send them to other people by text or email. Is this idea of sending risqué or sexy photos a new phenomena? Not at all!!!

So, how did adults and young teens exchange pictures in the past? Richard Chalfen, the author of “‘It’s only a picture’: sexting, ‘smutty’ snapshots and felony charges,” says that young couples actually used to swap pictures of themselves in skimpy swimsuits through regular mail.

And do you remember the polaroid camera people?? We’ve all taken a selfie with a polaroid camera at some point in our lives (not necessarily a nude one). Well, I guess that’s if you were alive when the polaroid camera was hot!

Chalfen also said that polaroid cameras encouraged the exchange of “risqué” pictures because couples did not have to face any embarrassment from going to the corner drugstore to develop their pictures and possibly face punishment from law enforcement!!

Then, when the camcorder emerged, it was just another median for sexually explicit purposes. With the technological advancement of cell phones having digital cameras, sexting is really just the latest chapter in this Saga as Chalfen puts it.

Now that I understand the history behind the sharing of sexual pictures, I definitely agree with Chalfen that most people rarely see sexting as just another case of technology extending an activity or action that young people have engaged in for years.

Our generation has to raise kids in this technologically advanced era and what does this mean for us? Unfortunately, it means we can no longer just have the “sex” talk with our kids. We also have to have the “sexting” talk now too just to make sure our kids won’t destroy their future with nude pictures before their careers even start!

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy said that 71% of teen girls and 67% of teen boys admitted to sending or posting sexually suggestive content to a boyfriend or girlfriend. That sounds like a lot to me!

But obviously we know that some boy is receiving each girls sext, so why don’t these numbers match each other? Why are teen girls willing to admit to sexting more than the boys are? Just some interesting food for thought for you.

For the full conversation on sexting, download this episode now: Sexting

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Food For Thought: Text Flirting

Image courtesy of Atibodyphoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Atibodyphoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“When is it okay to text flirt without looking like you’re trying to give up the cookie early?”

When you flirt in a text message, you can’t be as subtle as you normally would be when flirting on the phone or in person. This is because your tone of voice, body language, and other subtleties aren’t conveyed in text messages.

Flirting In General

Flirting on the phone can be as a simple as answering a question in a more seductive or sexy voice. Flirting in person requires even less overtness because you can use your body language to flirt and show interest in a man without having to do much at all.

For example, orienting your body towards his by crossing your legs in his direction or sitting more closely to him is a subtle form of flirting that lets a man know that you’re interested in him or what he is saying without much effort on your part.

These kind of subtle cues allow us to exhibit a light, flirty side without coming off as being just interested in sex.

Flirting in Text Messages

Flirting can come in the simple form of body language, tone of voice, or through a play on words. However, when flirting  takes place through text messaging, you have to be much more straight forward, suggestive, and blatant about your flirting so that it can actually come across as flirting to the recipient of the text.

This does pose a problem though, because now you have to figure out how to balance your desire to convey your flirting with your desire to not look like you are just about sex. When you text flirt, it is a lot easier to look overly sexified and seem like just a sex object to a man.

Unfortunately, once a man categorizes you into the “just sex” box, you literally will be just the girl he has sex with. While there are exceptions to the rule that once you’re labeled as just a girl to have sex with, that’s all you will ever be to him, we can’t all be the exception to the rule!

My Answer

Considering how easy it is to be labeled as just a sex object in general by man, it is very important that we wait a reasonable amount of time before engaging in text flirting with men.

In my personal opinion, I think women should hold off on text flirting with a man until at least after the third or fourth date.

Remember though, this doesn’t mean you can’t subtly flirt on the phone or in person. Just make sure that your flirting isn’t too sexified and over the top so that you can maintain respect in his eyes.

An effortless, but seductive batting of the eyes can even go a long way in showing your flirty side without the negative consequence of being labeled as just a sex object.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Podcast

If you want to hear more about texting as it relates to dating and relationships, check out my podcast at http://www.deesdatingdiary.podomatic.com

Entry 3: Phone Etiquette Pt.2- Texting

iPhone

Unfortunately, with the advances of technology and the invention of text messages, a lot of men are now texting women instead of calling them, but what is acceptable texting behavior?

Listen to my podcast to get the answers you’re looking for!!

For the full dialogue on texting etiquette and more, check out my podcast by clicking on the link below or you can download this episode right here: Download episode

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee