Valentine’s Day Challenge

Happy Valentine’s Day!


I know it’s a bit early to start shouting, “Happy Valentine’s Day,” but I have a really important Valentine’s Day challenge I want to share with you and you may need a few days to outline your plan of attack!

Don’t get scared, this is a creative, fun way of expressing what is often left unsaid!

Here’s The Challenge:

On Valentine’s Day, you have to tell your significant other and/or your loved ones 5 things that you appreciate and love about them.

In a world where we are so used to people pointing out what is wrong with others or what we need to change about ourselves, it’s that much more important that we make Valentine’s Day (and every day possible) an even more special day by spreading the kind of love that truly touches hearts and fosters positive self-esteem and self-worth.

What’s Your Execution Style Going To Be?

You can deliver your nuggets of appreciation in a Valentine’s Day card, but consider doing this in person or over the phone, if possible.

If your loved one lives in another city or state, mailing them this card or letter goes a long way. Writing letters is almost an extinct art form and anyone who loves you would appreciate this effort, sincerity, and expression of genuine love for the person they are.

We Are All Worth It!

Remember, we are all amazing, unique human beings with different talents and skills that lend itself to the wonderful, variety-filled world that we live in.

Do something different this year. Do something special!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Yours Truly,

10 Signs Your Boyfriend Will Never Be Your Husband

1. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For Marriage

Most of us have heard a story of a women who broke up with a man because he wasn’t ready for marriage and within a year or two he’s married to someone else. When a man tells you that he’s not ready for marriage, what he’s really saying is, “I’m not ready to marry you!

Not being “ready” for marriage is just an excuse. If you’ve already been dating for two years or more, there’s no amount of time that’s going to change the way your boyfriend feels about you. 

2. He Takes You For Granted

If your boyfriend takes you for granted while you’re dating, he most likely will never see the value in marrying you. This is why you have to Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband! When you treat your boyfriend like your husband he’ll take all the things you do for granted and, consequently, he won’t see the need to marry you because you already give him everything he would have as your husband.

3. He Doesn’t Introduce You To People As His Girlfriend

If your boyfriend doesn’t introduce you to people as his girlfriend then he doesn’t take your relationship very seriously and the likelihood of him ever marrying you is slim to none.

4. He Refuses To Relocate For The Relationship

If you’re in a long distance relationship and your boyfriend refuses to relocate for the relationship, he’s never going to be your husband.

5. He Doesn’t Believe In Marriage

If your boyfriend tells you that he doesn’t believe in marriage or it’s just a piece of paper, then he really has no intentions of ever marrying you. You want a man who is afraid of losing you, not a man who is afraid of being with you!!

6. You Haven’t Met His Close Friends or Family

If you’ve been dating for over a year and your boyfriend’s friends and family lives in the same city as the both of you, there’s a reason he hasn’t introduced you to them. If a man really loves you and is open to spending the rest of his life with you, he isn’t going to hide you from his friends and family. 

7. He’s Not Friends With You on Facebook

If your boyfriend has a Facebook account and you’ve been dating for almost a year or more, but aren’t Facebook friends, he definitely doesn’t plan on marrying you one day. 

8. He Suggests Breaking Up

If your boyfriend suggests that you break up anytime you bring up relationship problems, he’s never going to be your husband. This guy already has one foot out the door because he would rather leave you than work through any issues with you. Remember, you never want to hold on to a man who doesn’t want to be held.

9. He Pulls Disappearing Acts

If your boyfriend Pulls Disappearing Acts, he’s never going to be your husband! A man who easily runs away from your relationship has no intentions of making you his wife.

10. He Spends More Time With “The Boys” Than You

If your boyfriend spends more time with his friends than you, he’s never going to be your husband. It’s definitely important for both men and women to maintain their friendships while they’re in a relationship, but if your boyfriend prefers to spend less time with you he’s not going to commit himself to spending the rest of his life with you.

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credits: Images courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If You Just Started Dating, Is It Too Soon To Exchange Holiday Gifts?

If you are a new couple or you have only been dating for a short amount of time, you may be wondering what to get your honey for the holidays. Or, you may be wondering if it is too soon to exchange gifts at all.

If you have been dating for about one month, go with something small, maybe a cute holiday teddy bear. Just keep it simple, it’s the thought that counts. But, if you have only been dating for three weeks or less, don’t worry about exchanging gifts.

After a few months of dating, you will definitely need to get your honey a holiday gift! It shouldn’t  be a tiny teddy bear, but it also shouldn’t be extravagant. Don’t over do it, but don’t make it look like your gift was an afterthought.

With it being the holiday season, now is the perfect time to perk your ears up for things your honey says he/she wants. If those things are too expensive to gift this early into the relationship, think of a hobby your partner enjoys and get them a gift that supports it.

If you are buying a gift for a woman, think romance, not practical! If you are buying a gift for a man, give yourself a small, but reasonable budget and stick with it!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,  

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of digidreamgrafix at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Down

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In this day and age, it’s quite unfortunate that you see so many women “dating down.”

But, what is dating down, you ask?

Dating down is when you date men that aren’t good for you or worthy of you.

Image courtesy of Nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Common Types of “Dating Down”

If you’re dating a man that doesn’t respect and cherish you and the value that you bring to the relationship, and instead, puts you down, cheats on you, abuses you or controls your every movement, then you’re dating down.

Do you have to fight for attention? Ask your man to call you? Or remind him that you exist?? You’re dating down.

Are you an ambitious, driven, well-educated woman dating a man who isn’t ambitious or driven to, for example, learn a trade/skill, pursue entrepreneurial endeavors, or pursue a higher education? Well, you’re dating down.

Are you supporting a man that isn’t self sufficient? Whether he’s “borrowing” your money or your car, face it, you’re dating down!

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Problems With Dating Down

When you date down, you open yourself up to significant problems that you shouldn’t have to deal with.

These relationships negatively affect your self-esteem. You’ll probably start to think that this is what you deserve. That you’ll never find better.

You’ll eventually downplay your self-worth and, consequently, your self-confidence will dwindle as well.

When you’re treated poorly or stay in the wrong relationship, you’ll get desensitized to those things that you shouldn’t have to accept.

The chances of your next relationship being healthier or better is slim because you’ve gotten used to accepting less than what you need and deserve from a relationship. This easily turns into a cycle.

You may even falsely believe that it’s better to have this man than no man at all.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ready For Change?

Dating down can lead you to resenting the man you’re dating because he’s not who you want him to be. But, truthfully, you can only blame yourself for choosing to date a man that wasn’t right for you in the first place.

If you’ve been dating down, you owe it to yourself to let that relationship go in order to attract a man who actually deserves you. A man who appreciates your worth, a man you don’t have to financially support, a man who has ambition.

Give yourself a chance to attract a man that is on your level. Someone who is self sufficient and can pay his own bills and maintain his own car.

You’ll never have a better relationship as long as you stay in the wrong one. So free yourself now, as hard as it may be, so that you can have true happiness in the future.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Dating With Daddy Issues

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There are some women who have a preference for dating older men while other women just “happen” into these relationships.

Majority of the time, women date older men that remind them of their fathers or who fulfill some fatherly role for them.

Although this happens more so with women who grew up without a father in their life, even women who did have a father growing up find themselves looking to an older man for certain qualities or support that a father would provide.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Older Men

The truth is, you shouldn’t be dating a man because he provides you with something you’re father never did or used to when he was alive.

Dating an older man can be tricky because sometimes you’ll find that older men play just as many games with your heart as younger men, except they’re much better at the game than any youngster out there!

Older men understand women much more and can easily use that to manipulate a younger woman’s mind and emotions.

You definitely need to understand whether your feelings for an older man are genuine or a by-product of missing or craving some fatherly like fulfillment in your life.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Aging Out”

When you date an older man you always have to worry about whether you’re going to “age out” of the relationship.

Meaning, you’ll constantly be stressing about whether you’re getting too old for your older man.He may just have a thing for younger women.

He may like the ease that comes with dating a younger, more naive person.

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Relationship Awareness

Just be cognizant of the reasons you and your older man want a relationship with each other.

Make sure it’s coming from a healthy place on BOTH sides!

Deal with your daddy issues and make sure you aren’t replacing your father with your boyfriend.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

He Can’t Complete You!

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many women feel they need a man to “complete” them. They’ll say a man is their “better half” or “he completes me.”

But, the truth is, a man can’t complete you. Only you can complete you! Two halves won’t actually make a whole, so you need to feel whole with or without a man.

It’s unfair to yourself to base your completeness and happiness on whether you’re in a relationship.

And, if you do, you’ll be miserable when you’re single and possibly desperate for any man who will show you attention.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What’s The Root of the Issue?

To say that a man completes you, is to say that you have some void in your life without a man.

You have to be complete on your own before entering a relationship or this could cause other serious issues with your boyfriend.

Ultimately, dependency issues may be at the root of needing a man to “complete” you. Are you clingy or needy in your relationships?

You may find yourself not wanting to do any activities without your boyfriend. Or, maybe you don’t want him to do any activities without you.

Either way, falling victim to this “he completes me” mentality may lead you to becoming unhealthily dependent on your boyfriend and relationship.

It’s time to start evaluating yourself. You need to figure out why you think you need a man to complete you.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Self-Actualization

If you say that a man completes you, then you’re incomplete when he’s gone. What are you when your “better half” leaves?

Why aren’t you a complete person without a man?

Honestly think about these questions so that you can help yourself come to terms with the fact that you’re an amazing woman who doesn’t need any person to complete you!

You are and always will be a whole person. You were born as a complete woman and to allow yourself to think otherwise is absurd.

A man is meant to complement who you are, NOT complete you! Remember that!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Choose Your Battles Wisely!

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.

There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.

For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Urge To Push

Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.

The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Effect of Constantly “Nagging”

Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.

Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.

While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.

If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Focus On One Issue 

Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.

If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”

But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.

You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.

Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.

Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Positive Reinforcement

After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.

Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.

Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.

You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.

Conclusion

Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.

So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.

You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

Your Self-Confidence Can’t Depend on Him!!

Image courtesy of Pat138241/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Pat138241/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Unfortunately, many women who are hurt by men start feeling like they aren’t as pretty or smart as they really are.

Why is it that women tend to base their self-esteem and self-confidence on how men treat them or feel about them?

The hardships women face in dealing with men, frequently force women to rethink the way they feel about themselves and this isn’t right!!

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Problems Are Just That

The problems you experience in dating are just that, dating problems and nothing more. These problems shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself and your beauty!

When men have problems in their relationships, do you think they start questioning their self-worth?

Or do you think they take those problems for what they are and not let them turn into other self-esteem issues?

When you have problems in your dating life, you definitely need to do some deep thinking about what went wrong and how you may have contributed to those problems.

But, the last thing you need to start thinking is, “Am I not pretty enough? Skinny enough? Entertaining enough?”

You can’t let a man make you feel badly about those fundamental things about yourself. You felt beautiful when you first started dating him, right? So, why should you not feel beautiful when you stop dating him?

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

His Games Shouldn’t Affect Your Self-Worth

Just because a man has chosen to play games with your heart or lead you on, doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great woman! A man’s issues shouldn’t lead you to have more issues of your own.

Take responsibility for the problems you caused or enabled in your relationships, but NEVER EVER think that you are any less of the smart, beautiful, caring woman that you were when he met you.

Your self-confidence should never be a reflection of how men feel about you!

Even if he cheats on you, you can’t start convincing yourself that you aren’t pretty.

 

Image courtesy of Nuchylee/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Nuchylee/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Maintain Your Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is just that, SELFesteem. It’s YOU that determines it, not a man and certainly not the world.

You have to know your worth and maintain your self-confidence no matter what you go through with men.

Now, I know it’s much easier to say don’t let men’s bad behavior affect your self-esteem than actually living it.

But, the truth is, you’re giving men way too much control over your emotional well-being and self-esteem by letting them dictate your level of self-confidence.

No matter what you go through in this world, know your worth and NEVER FORGET IT!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee!

No More Boomeranging!!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Aside from ending a relationship because of cheating, abusiveness, and other serious deal breakers, there are certain things a woman must do before she decides to leave a man.

I firmly believe that a woman shouldn’t leave the man she is dating until she has tried everything within her power to make the relationship work.

Male or female, no one is perfect. We are all flawed in some way. We can change some things about ourselves, but not everything. It’s up to us to TRY and change those things that we can.

It’s better to give a relationship your all so you can leave with a clear mind. No one likes looking back on a relationship thinking, “Could I have done more to make it work?”

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Boomeranging

If a woman breaks up with a man before trying everything she can to make that relationship work, she’ll most likely look back on the relationship with regret or constantly wonder whether she made the right decision ending it.

And, when a woman is unsure of whether she made the right decision in breaking up with a man, it’s all too easy to end up back in that relationship. She may end up going back to him for round 2, 3, and maybe even 4!

Boomeranging with an ex is a huge waste of your dating time! If it didn’t work out the first time, the chances of it working out in round 2, 3, or 4 are even slimmer!

Instead of boomeranging with your exes, date them once, give it your all, and if it still doesn’t work, move on and NEVER look back!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Set A Cut-Off Date

If you’re considering leaving your relationship, but first want to try something new so you don’t look back with regret, you have to set a cut-off date for yourself!

Maybe you want to give it 2 months or maybe 6, depending on the depth of your issues. If your issue is waiting for your man to go back to school then 6 months is more reasonable than one or two.

But, never stay in a relationship for more than 2 years waiting for a ring, circumstances to change, or for your man to go back to school. Whatever your thing is, always have a cut-off date.

If you’re not happy by your cut-off date, cut your losses and end it!

You can’t try to make a relationship work indefinitely. Time flies and we’re only getting older.The sad truth is, it gets harder to find a good man and husband as we get older.

If you stay in a relationship too long after you should have left, you’re only hurting your chances of finding what you really want.

And, by staying in the wrong relationship for too long, you’ll still have regret over that relationship, but for a different reason.

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Make Positive Changes In Your Relationship

I’m not at all writing all this to say that you should stay with a man that’s isn’t right for you or treats you badly.

I’m just saying that if you aren’t completely happy in your relationship, you owe it to yourself to try to change what you’re unhappy about before jumping ship.

Image courtesy of StockImages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of StockImages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tips For Change

If you’re generally an impatient person, try showing more patience in your relationship. You can also try handling your disagreements differently.

Maybe you’re too aggressive or too submissive in disagreements. Find a balance and change up your usual approach.

When addressing your issues, use the word “I” instead of “You.” You’ll see that people are less defensive when you say “I feel…” as opposed to “You…”

Sometimes we get so used to talking to people or handling issues with them in a certain way that we continue that habit, whether it’s beneficial or not.

So, if you think you may have unanswered questions about your relationship that may lead you back to your man months or years down the line, then put some serious effort into handling things differently in your relationship now.

And, if it still doesn’t work, move on!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband!

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.

Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.

Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Playing Wife Is A Temporary Comfort

While “playing house” and “playing wife” may make you feel happier about your relationship because you exhibit that close, committed relationship held by a husband and wife, you don’t have the comfort and security that a marriage provides.

While you’re doing so much for your boyfriend to the point that you resemble the role his wife would take on, you’ll be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly a man can leave the relationship without batting an eye.

And, after the relationship ends, will you not sit there thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done all that for him!” Or, “I cant believe he left me after everything I’ve done and given up for him!”

While these are legitimate questions, the real questions you need to ask yourself are, “Why did I treat this man like my husband?” “Why did I do so much for a man that wasn’t married to me?”

Instead of being the devoted wife in your next relationship, just be the girlfriend. And, know that this route will get you a ring quicker than if you act like there’s already a ring on your finger.

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Benefits of Marriage Don’t Apply to Relationships 

The root of some of your problems in dating may be the fact that you are going above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend.

The truth is, if a man wants ALL of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it.

While many men will propose to women who treated them like husbands from day one, it will take you a lot longer to get a ring out of a man if you’re giving him all the benefits of a marriage without any of the accompanying obligations and commitments.

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Marry The Woman When You Can Get The Wife For Free?

Do you remember that old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

Well, it’s true! This applies to dating and not just sex. What will inspire or encourage a man to marry you if he already has all the perks of marriage without any of it’s other obligations or “hassles?”

If a man wants more than plain old boyfriend treatment, he’s going to have to earn it and he needs to ask you to be his wife!

Think about it though, how are you going to feel if you treat your beau like he’s your husband and he breaks up with you or leaves you for another woman? Will you not regret doing too much for him?

Don’t get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should! At the end of the day, the only person who ever regrets doing this is the woman, not the man!

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Is Treating Your Boyfriend Like A Husband?

Well, there are many things that women do that reflects the role of a wife.

But, to give you an idea, it can include anything from playing house and regularly cleaning his place or doing his laundry to passing up great opportunities for the relationship.

The most significant aspect I’ve noticed women catering to men as husbands would be in their careers. For example, you could get a great job offer in another state, but choose to pass up on the opportunity to stay with your boyfriend.

I’ve seen too many women pass up on great career or business opportunities for men that had no intention of marrying them, let alone being together long-term.

As women, we can’t make decisions based on our boyfriend being in our lives and, if we do, it can really hold us back.

When it’s all said and done, no woman looks back and says, “You know, I’m glad I passed up that opportunity for him!” So, if you’re not married, you need to make decisions with only your own best interest at heart.

If a man is going to make a career or business decision, he does it, and without thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my girlfriend will be okay with this.” No, men do what they know is best for themselves and it’s time that women did the same!

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Until You’re Engaged, His Opinion Doesn’t Matter

If he’s not your husband, your opinion is the only one that matters.

I say this because 2-3 years down the line when you’re not with him, you too will think his opinion doesn’t matter. If he’s not going to be a part of your life permanently, then why would you make decisions based on him? Especially decisions that will have a lasting effect on your life.

If your boyfriend wants you to consider him when you’re making big decisions about your life, he needs to show you that he will always be a part of that life. And, he does this by asking you to marry him!

Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally. Don’t force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he doesn’t want to play husband, you definitely shouldn’t play wife!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Stop Being The Victim!

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostocki / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ladies, we have to stop being the victim and take control of our dating lives!

Many times I hear women say, “ALL men are dogs” or “ALL men cheat.” But, the truth of the matter is ALL men AREN’T dogs and ALL men DON’T cheat.

Stop Blaming Men

You’re perception of what ALL men are is a by-product of who you have been choosing to date your whole life.

So, if you always pick the bad boy types who break your heart, of course you’ll always think ALL men are dogs, but that’s not actually the case. ALL the men YOU date are dogs!

Instead of thinking that all men are dogs that will hurt you, you need to be thinking that you aren’t going to let anymore dogs get close enough to hurt you.

Its about taking your power back and knowing that your circumstances and the outcomes of your relationships are largely due to the men you choose to date and let into your heart.

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Take Responsibility For Your Choices

We can’t blame all our problems in relationships on men. We have to take ownership of our part, which is getting into a relationship with a man we’d be unhappy with.

It’s time to take responsibility for the choices you have made in dating men and in accepting their bad behavior. Once you take responsibility for your part in the heartache, you can actually take steps towards changing how and who you pick to spend your time with and, ultimately, give your heart to.

You choose who you date, it should never be the other way around. A man shouldn’t be able to decide by himself that you are both in a relationship together.

Two people make the decision to enter a relationship, so, take ownership of your choices. If you continue to choose the same kind of man to date, you can’t expect different results in your relationships. Therefore, man bashing is definitely not the answer!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Red Flags

Red flags are called red flags for a reason, they alert you that there is a problem, that something is not right. A red flag let’s you know that there is more going on than a man is willing to tell you.

Red flags are precious gifts to women! These are your signs that tell you whether this man is right for you. Red flags tell you more about someone and it’s your job to determine if that person deserves a place in your life.

You need to be able to spot red flags and make note of them because once a man has shown significant red flags, you have to evaluate whether continuing to date this person will make you happy.

When you learn to spot and access red flags, you’ll see that you’ll cut out a lot of unnecessary relationships that would have only caused you grief and heartache.

While you can continue to date men obliviously, you’d only be hurting yourself.

If you choose to ignore red flags and date any and every man freely, when you do get hurt, don’t start convincing yourself that “ALL men are dogs.” You don’t want this to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let me explain…

 

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Self-Fullfilling Prophecy

If you tell yourself and your friends that, “all men are dogs,” you’ll actually believe that every single man is a dog and feel that you have to settle down with one of these men that won’t treat you well. This allows you to continue dating dogs and, therefore, continue being hurt by them.

You have to understand the power of your words, telling yourself that all men are dogs will ultimately limit the amount of effort you put into finding a good man.

In fact, you won’t put any effort into finding a good man because in your eyes, he doesn’t exist. And, before you know it, you’ve settled for a man that doesn’t treat you with respect.

Don’t inadvertently let your dating goal be an unhappy marriage!

Start being more positive about dating and only speak positively! You’ll be amazed at how a little positivity can make you feel a whole world better about dating.

Victim Mentality

We are not victims!

The victim mentality is thinking that you have no control over getting hurt. Granted, we can’t control all hurt, but we can eliminate unnecessary heartache.

Remember, men only do to us what we allow them to. So, if men keep hurting you, then you need to do some serious introspection and figure out why you keep dating men that hurt you.

 

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Save Yourself For a Good Man

Just because you haven’t found a “good man” to date, doesn’t mean you should settle and get into a relationship with any man that’s willing to!

Until that next great relationship comes along, try to work on yourself and keep dating!!!

Save yourself for a good man. You’ll be happy you did!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Consistency and Dating – the Long Term Relationship Indicator

Consistency in a man provides comfort while inconsistency inspires insecurity, fear, and anxiety over the relationship among other things.

Suzie the Single Dating Diva

What makes relationships last? Why it’s consistency of course … you thought I would say love and affection didn’t you? Well, it’s those things too … along with friendship, respect. trust and attraction.  But, I’d like to argue that consistency is the most important thing … it’s consistency in all those things … love, affection, attraction, friendship, respect, trust, etc etc.  No one wants to ride a roller coaster ride of ups and downs in their relationship.  They want to know that their partner is always there when they need them, especially in the hard times.  So why is consistency and dating the long term relationship indicator? Because, well, I’ll tell you.

Choosing Your Partner Wisely

I’ve said many times before that forever has everything to do with your choice of partner, which is absolutely true. You need to choose wisely.  Part of choosing wisely is knowing if this…

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8 Things Guys Secretly Love

James Michael Sama

Whether a guy is just starting to date a woman or is in a committed relationship with her, there are small things that she may do without thinking twice that guys secretly love.

While there are many, here are eight to start.

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Laying your head on his chest.

When laying on the couch watching TV or laying in bed after a long day, it’s one of the best feelings when a woman lays her head down on your chest and puts her arm over you.

As men, we enjoy feeling as though we are being protective, and this signifies that she feels safe in our arms.

When you text him first.

There is a lot of pressure on guys to always initiate conversation. Sometimes he may not know if he’s being too pushy or texting too much – he might overthink it and not text you at all, which could…

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8 Acts Of Chivalry To Bring Back

Finally, a man concerned about bringing chivalry back!! Support the New Chivalry Movement!!!

James Michael Sama

The more women I talk to, the more I realize that the gentleman is a rare breed. The mission of the New Chivalry Movement is to bring men (and women) together who strive to be the best versions of themselves and love and respect those around them.

As the gentleman has become less prominent, so have the respectful acts that define him.

Here are 8 acts of chivalry we often overlook and should work to bring back.

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Giving up your seat.

Whether on a bus or on a crowded subway, giving up your seat to another is a rare but great sign of respect. I always cringe a bit when I see a woman or elderly person forced to stand while young men remain distracted by their phones. It all comes down to being aware of your surroundings and acting accordingly.

Only one in seven men will offer their seat…

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Snooping: Who Really Wins?

This is a must read post from “Sarah on the Go.” One point in this post that really stuck out to me was, “Maybe when we find ourselves needing to know more, we should just know to move on.”

While I do agree with this, it’s imperative that you make a serious evaluation before deciding to leave your partner without solid or tangible proof of cheating.

What evaluation you ask? Well, before you decide to move on you need to be able to decipher and know the difference between general insecurity or jealousy and significant red flags that a woman should be genuinely concerned about.

If it’s just general insecurity making you want to snoop, then it’s time to do some much needed introspection and attack the real root of your insecurity.

However, if your insecurity stems from your partner’s actions that raise serious red flags, then this may not be a relationship that you should continue.

Check out this post from “Sarah on the Go:”   Snooping: Who Really Wins?

Entry 7: Stop Giving up Your Life for Him!

Husband Embracing Wife

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ladies, there is no reason why you should be giving up your family, friends and life for the man you are dating. Leaving your life behind for your new beaux and his life is foolish.

Be honest, how many times have you stopped seeing your own friends and given up your life for the man you are dating just for the relationship to end and feel like you have no friends and no life?

Let’s be real, we have all been there at least once in our lives! And, wasn’t it really hard to re-establish those close friendships and bonds you had before you disappeared into your relationship? Are there some friendships that you never got back?

How many of your friends gave up on calling you or trying to hang out with you once you immersed yourself into a new relationship?

Happy Family

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Forget Your Loved Ones

The truth is, when a relationship is more serious, of course you won’t see friends and family as often, but you should never stop communicating with the people that have always been there for you and loved you long before you met your new beaux!

Don’t forget, your friends and family can miss you when you’re in a relationship, so don’t forget to keep up with them and stay in touch!

If you can’t see them, fine! But, at least CALL or TEXT!! Its 2014! There are way too many technological advances out there for anyone to have any excuse for not keeping in touch.

When you take the time to keep up with family and the friendships you cultivated long before your new boo came along, you’ll find it’s much easier not to be overly available to the new guy your dating.

Scarcity Increases Demand

It’s true that your scarcity will increase a man’s desire for you. It’s the whole concept of supply and demand. For example, if there’s a high supply of something, the demand for it will not be as high.

But, when something is scarce, when there is a low supply of something, the demand for that thing goes through the roof!

I personally think that this concept directly applies to dating. The more available you are, the less someone will actually want to see you.

However, if you’re hard to see, if you’re hard to lock down for a date, a man will constantly be trying to fit himself into your schedule.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Develop Interests

If you don’t have friends, family, or things to do outside of work, then you need to get a hobby! For real!! Find something to do with your time.

Find something that interests you or stimulates your mind. You could go to Barnes and Nobles and just wander through the sections for a good book to read.

Find a hobby you enjoy like blogging, podcasting, hiking, volunteering, or whatever may interest you.

If the only thing that interests you is men, then start going to dating seminars, read self-help and dating books. Do something!

You need to have a life (or act like you have a life) because if you don’t, you’ll give a man the impression that he has to create a life for you and keep your needy behind occupied 24/7!

Couple in the park

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Delicate Balance

Remember though, it’s actually a very delicate balance that must be maintained between not being overly available and showing that you do have genuine interest in a man.

Today, on my podcast, my male guest on the show said that you shouldn’t be too available, however, you don’t want a man to read your unavailability as not being interested in him.

He made a great point! You should never be unavailable altogether or be overly hard to reach because a man could easily think that you just aren’t interested in him.

So, be sure to balance your availability to men so they do understand that you are interested in them, but that you also have a life (i.e. work, family, and friends to keep up with).

In fact, if you stick to keeping a life of your own instead of dropping all your relationships for a new man, you may start to feel like you can’t even accommodate all the time your man wants to spend with you!

Image courtesy of Adamr/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Take Caution With Single Friends

Be cautious of making too much time for your single friends. The truth is, single people have the most free time and if you prioritize seeing them in most of their free time, you could actually hurt your relationship.

You definitely don’t want your man to feel like he comes second to your friends. He just needs to know that you need to see your friends every so often because they are important to you too.

Your friends deserve some attention, but they can’t have most or all of it. Remember to maintain that balance between your life and your relationships.

You Want More?

If you want to hear more on this topic and get the male perspective, check out my podcast on this topic at Dee’s Dating Diary Podcast or download this episode here: Download episode

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

The Last

This video is amazing!

Welcome to my world.

Awwwww this video is so cute… You should watch this if you are as romantic as I am! : ) – or if you’re a guy and you want to say the sweetest thing ever to the girl you love.

Seriously, when I watched this video, I had this huge smile on my face and sparkles in the eyes… I’m not kidding!

I want to meet a guy that will make my heart melt like the one in the video! I want to fall in love with “the good guy” who will be able to make me smile everyday, who will understand me, protect me, be there for me… I think every girl want to find a guy like that, right?

Yes… I am this kind of girl who is still waiting for the perfect prince charming ahah! I am sure he is somewhere in this world : ) – Don’t…

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You Can’t See Him Everyday

You shouldn’t be seeing the new man you’re dating every single day of the week for a number of reasons. But, most importantly, you’ll probably have a false sense of knowing who he really is.

Seeing your new beau every day of the week, or trying to see him every day of the week because most likely he’s not trying to be sitting up under you everyday of the week, will also allow a man to get to know you much quicker than he really should.

He may even start to think you may be clingy and need a lot of attention and, ultimately, he may become disinterested and move on.

Fashionable Young Woman

Don’t Force It

If you call a man everyday to hang out with you and he actually accepts every time, you’ll still never know whether he would have called you everyday to see YOU.

You’ll never know how strongly he really feels about you if you’re always the one putting in the effort to contact him. What if another woman had called him to hang out before you? Are you sure he wouldn’t have accepted her invitation?

My point is just that, we have to pull back. You have to stop trying to force something between you and a man and let nature take it’s course.

Wait to see if he even wants to spend this much time with you. If he doesn’t try to see you often or frequently, then maybe he doesn’t feel that strongly about you and maybe you shouldn’t put too much stock into him.

Young Couple

Wait, HE Wants to See You Everyday!

But, maybe he’s the one that tries to see you everyday. If so, that’s great!! However, you still can’t see him everyday. You, as the woman, need to set the tone here.

He’s not going to lose interest in you because you want to take one or two days out of the week to catch up with your friends and family.

Why is it that a man can get to know who a woman is extremely quickly, but it sometimes takes women forever to know who a man really is?

Well, this is because men don’t put everything out on the table immediately after meeting someone as most women do. Hold some of yourself back!!

Why should you be giving more of yourself than a man is giving you? That’s crazy! And, you’ll be the one with the broken heart in the end if you pursue someone who isn’t giving you much of themselves.

It’s A Process

In dating, getting to know each other should be a slower process than what we are seeing play out in dating today. You are not supposed to get to know someone overnight.

In fact, you can’t really get to know someone quickly, and certainly not overnight. You really learn who people are in time. A lot of character traits are revealed over a length of time, like several months, whether revealing that trait was intentional or not.

Annoyed Girl

Hindsight Is 20/20

Haven’t you dated a man and thought you knew him and after the relationship ends, you’re sitting there wondering, “Who was this man?” That’s because you never really knew who he was in the first place.

As you replay the relationship over and over in your head, you eventually discover all the subtleties that were letting you know who you were dating.

Maybe you ignored significant red flags or maybe he was really good at hiding them. Either way, taking the time to really get to know him might have helped you pass this man up and save yourself some heartache.

Categorizing Men

As women, a lot of times we try to learn who a man is quickly and “categorize” him so to say. Once we feel like we “know” who a man is, that’s it. We stick to that notion until it literally has to be ripped from us by the contradiction of a man’s actions.

After we have categorized a man or pigeon-holed him into being the man we want, we fall for the person we created in our minds, not the person that exists before us.

I say “create” because we never really took the time to get to know the man we jumped headfirst into a relationship with.

And, when we look back on the relationship, sometimes we seem to forget that WE forced OUR image or our perception of who this man is on him. We created this reality, not him.

Woman Covering Ears

Slow Down

So, instead, of trying to get to know a man too quickly and categorize him where he doesn’t belong, slow down and take the necessary time to get to know someone. It won’t happen in a day, a week, or a month.

You can’t get to know a man in just days or weeks, look at it as a process, a dance, a play if you would. Characters in plays and movies are developed through the course of the show, in time.

True relationships in the real world are built over time as well. Take your time getting to know a man and give him time to SHOW you who he is.

The Rules Book

According to The Rules: Time-tested Secrets to Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, you should never see a man more than 5-6 times a week unless you’re married. I do agree with this rule, but only to a certain extent.

Obviously, once you’ve been dating for a significant amount of time, you will start seeing each other almost everyday.

But, I don’t believe that every single week you can only see your beaux 5-6 times. I think you can spend an entire week together, however, the next week you shouldn’t see him everyday.

My Rule

So, my rule is really that you can see your man 6-7 times in one week, however, you can’t do this consecutively or have back to back weeks where you’re seeing him every day of the week!

You have to break up the weeks where you see your boyfriend everyday with a week where you only see him a few times. This way, you can still maintain a life of your own, he won’t get overly bored with you, and also won’t feel like he “has” you in the bag and stop putting in effort with you.

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Love doesn’t hurt

No relationship is perfect and every relationship needs work, but real love does not equal pain and suffering.

The Pink Elephant Room

I’ve been single and dating for about 35 years. I cannot begin to count the number of hours I’ve spent first revisiting each thrilling moment with whomever was my newest love interest and then, soon enough, miserably dissecting the meaning behind his every word and action looking for a clue about how he felt  and where our relationship was going.  

For me, the first flush of “love” was so heady, a giggle in my tummy, a big, old endorphin rush, brain-soaking-in-chemicals, walking-on-air high. I would be obsessed and infatuated and fully charged. The feeling was deliciously addictive and it was easy to want to fall in “love” with that mysterious, smouldering stranger or smiling sweetie who made me feel soooooo good.   Image

But here’s the trouble with highs and addictions – they have a dark side. The high doesn’t last forever. Eventually I’d crash. I’d hurt. I’d be confused, needy, exposed…

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For Cheaters and Those Who Have Been Betrayed

Affair Resources and Advice

purposeMy Blog has a purpose:  To help others while helping me deal with me. It’s part of my personal penance. So let me summarize what I’ve said to others before.

If you think in any way I’m excusing affairs. I’m not. Let me be completely frank about affairs: They are 100% WRONG!

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