Looking for more dating advice? Sign up for my monthly newsletter through my author website, www.YourDeeSimone.com — simply click, “Join My Mailing List.”
Yours Truly,
Category Archives: Dating Etiquette
20 Questions You Should Never Ask A Woman On A First Date
When you meet someone you’re attracted to, there’s usually a natural desire to know more about that person. The problem is, some people have a difficult time understanding the difference between appropriate and inappropriate first date questions.
On the other hand, we can’t ignore the fact that some people knowingly ask offensive questions and just don’t care about whether their date feels comfortable or not.
Make Your Date Feel Comfortable
In order to improve our dating experiences, we need to make sure that we aren’t unnecessarily offending the person we are attracted to. Our dates should feel comfortable and at ease, not on guard waiting for the next insulting question.
You actually decrease your chance of making a great connection with a date when you ask them judgmental questions or questions that force your date to talk about something they aren’t ready to discuss with you.
So, to help your initial encounters with women, I want to share some questions that you should never let leave your lips. The following are 20 real life questions that men have asked women on or before a first date:
1. Why are you single?
2. Are you paying for the date?
3. How old are you?
4. Can I come back to your place or do you want to come back to mine?
5. Is that your real hair?
6. You’re not one of those crazy girls are you?
7. How much do you weigh?
8. Do you have daddy issues?
9. How much do you cost?
10. Do you want to go a to fancy restaurant? (Then takes you to Wendy’s)
11. Can you do a split?
12. What are you mixed with?
13. Can I borrow $1,000? (Or any amount of money)
14. Do you like your feet licked?
15. Are your breasts real?
16. What’s your bra size?
17. What are you cooking me for dinner?
18. How much do you make?
19. Have you cheated on your past boyfriends?
20. Do you know how to use those lips?
Some of these questions clearly indicate that you’re only interested in a casual encounter, i.e. sex. But if you’re genuinely interested in a woman and want to get to know her better these are not the kinds of questions you should ask early on.
Offending a woman on a first date is a sure-fire way to never get a second one so think wisely before asking very personal questions that may make a woman feel uncomfortable around you.
Want additional insight into women’s minds? Check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Barnes & Noble | Amazon
Till Next Time,
Dee
Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Get A Free Consultation With Dee The Dating Coach!
If you haven’t worked with a dating coach in the past, you may be wondering whether it’s really worth your time and money. Well, here’s your chance to see first hand, and for FREE, how a one-on-one session can help your dating, relationship, and love life. It’s time to take that step towards finding the right man and keeping him!
I’m offering this free promotion until September 30th to the first 25 people to contact me. Use the contact form below to get the ball rolling on your fabulous new dating life!
*Image courtesy of Marcolm/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
5 Reasons Why You Should Date When You Don’t Want To
Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Dating can come with a lot of ups and downs. On some dates you don’t make a connection and on dates where you thought you made a great connection, nothing materializes from it. Dating is definitely not easy and many times it is a bit of a numbers game.
Unfortunately, you’re not going to start a great relationship from every date you go on, but you can’t get discouraged and give up on dating altogether. You have to keep putting yourself out there and trying even when you don’t want to. Why is that, you ask? Well, here are 5 reasons why you should date even when you don’t want to:
1. You Need To Know What Your Dating Flaws Are
Continuing to date when you don’t want to allows you to see what problems you might have in dating. Maybe you act a bit needy or come on too strong. Maybe you talk about the future too soon or dive into subjects you should avoid on first dates.
You have to continue dating to see what behaviors or things you are doing that are holding you back in your dating life.
2. Practice Makes Perfect
We all have things we need to work on in our dating lives and relationships, but if you don’t date you won’t be able to fix or correct those dating problems.
It takes practicing doing the right things to eliminate those bad behaviors. You can’t think that you’re going to stay out of the dating scene, meet the perfect man, and be able to act the way you should.
We all know that it’s hardest to play it right with a man that we’re really interested in. So, it’s going to take practice to get yourself to stop those bad habits that sabotage your dating life.
3. You Need To Keep Up With Dating Norms
Just like there are social norms that we all live by, there are also dating norms that people follow. What a society’s dating norms are often change and when you avoid dating you keep yourself out of the information loop.
By not dating, you won’t know what dating norms or dating etiquette has changed. For example, today, it’s pretty common for men to send a “good morning” text now. However, some men send these texts to almost every woman in their phone. So, it’s going to take more than a simple good morning text for you to know whether a man is really thinking about you or interested in you.
But, if you never date and then meet a man who starts sending you good morning texts everyday, you may put more emphasis or importance on the fact that he sends you these texts instead of taking those morning texts with a grain of salt.
4. You Don’t Want To Be Rusty
This may come as a surprise, but you actually do get rusty when you haven’t dated for a while. Not only can your flirting skills get rusty, but you could forget the most important thing about going on dates, which is making a connection with your date and having a great time together!
Some women who avoid the dating scene for extended periods of time return to dating and treat their dates like interviews for prospective husbands. When you haven’t been actively dating, it’s easy to forget that you’re supposed to have fun on dates and not just size a man up for marriage.
5. You Give Yourself A Chance To Meet The Right Man
As much as we want to decide when we find a boyfriend and when we get married, you really never know when you’re going to meet the right man.
Know that when you avoid dating, you’re also avoiding the possibility of meeting a great man and having a great relationship. If you want to meet a great guy, if you want to have a great relationship, you actually have to date to find this person!
The truth is, women often complain about not having a boyfriend or meeting Mr. Right, but they don’t put any effort into meeting new men or they unnecessarily turn down dates with men that could be a good match.
Whatever it is that’s preventing you from dating, remember that you have to date even when you don’t want to!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Related Articles You’ll Like:
You Don’t Deserve a Good Man…Yet!!
Increase Your Chances of Making a Connection
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Ideally, we all want to go out on a new date and make a great connection. We’d love to immediately “click” with the other person and hit it off!
But, not everyone is meant to make a connection that, ultimately, sparks a great relationship.
While you won’t always make a connection with new dates, there are things you can do to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date.
Image courtesy of Patrisyu / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The On-Hand Technology Dilemma
In this day and age, we have all become so attached to technology and our little gadgets that we often let it get in the way of fully living and enjoying the moment.
We are constantly checking our phone for texts, emails, or calls and it’s to the detriment of what we have going on in front of us.
It’s not possible to be 100% in the moment while your using or checking your phone.
And, you better believe that people can sense when you’re not “in the conversation” and this can limit the amount of effort that a person will make in trying to talk to you or connect with you.
So, with the compulsion we feel towards constantly utilizing our technology, how can we prevent this from interfering with our dates and every day life?
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Turn The Technology Off
In order to increase your chances of making a genuine connection on your dates, you need to turn your technology off!
Now, I do understand that going on a date with someone new can present questions of safety, which necessitates access to your phone in case of an emergency.
However, you can put your phone on vibrate and keep it in your pocket or purse if you won’t feel compelled to pull it out the second it vibrates.
If you can’t keep yourself from checking your phone when you feel it vibrate, then you need to completely turn it off on your date or keep it in your car.
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Make A Connection
It’s nearly impossible to make a connection with someone you don’t know when your face is buried in your phone.
It’s one thing if your expecting a really important phone call, in which case, you should let your date know that you’re expecting an important phone call so they won’t feel unimportant or ignored on the date.
Considering that it’s not always easy to make a connection with someone new, you have to know that regularly checking your phone will actually hurt the flow of conversation and take you “out of the moment.”
In remaining connected to the conversation, and thus, your date, you make it much easier to make a great connection.
Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Conversation Is A Two-Way Street
Conversation on a date is not a one-way street. It takes the effort of both people.
If your focus is on your phone and who’s texting or emailing you, you won’t be putting in the requisite amount of effort you need in order to continue the fluidity of your conversation.
Therefore, if you want to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date, you need to turn your technology off!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband!
Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.
Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.
Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!
Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Playing Wife Is A Temporary Comfort
While “playing house” and “playing wife” may make you feel happier about your relationship because you exhibit that close, committed relationship held by a husband and wife, you don’t have the comfort and security that a marriage provides.
While you’re doing so much for your boyfriend to the point that you resemble the role his wife would take on, you’ll be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly a man can leave the relationship without batting an eye.
And, after the relationship ends, will you not sit there thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done all that for him!” Or, “I cant believe he left me after everything I’ve done and given up for him!”
While these are legitimate questions, the real questions you need to ask yourself are, “Why did I treat this man like my husband?” “Why did I do so much for a man that wasn’t married to me?”
Instead of being the devoted wife in your next relationship, just be the girlfriend. And, know that this route will get you a ring quicker than if you act like there’s already a ring on your finger.
Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The Benefits of Marriage Don’t Apply to Relationships
The root of some of your problems in dating may be the fact that you are going above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend.
The truth is, if a man wants ALL of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it.
While many men will propose to women who treated them like husbands from day one, it will take you a lot longer to get a ring out of a man if you’re giving him all the benefits of a marriage without any of the accompanying obligations and commitments.
Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why Marry The Woman When You Can Get The Wife For Free?
Do you remember that old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Well, it’s true! This applies to dating and not just sex. What will inspire or encourage a man to marry you if he already has all the perks of marriage without any of it’s other obligations or “hassles?”
If a man wants more than plain old boyfriend treatment, he’s going to have to earn it and he needs to ask you to be his wife!
Think about it though, how are you going to feel if you treat your beau like he’s your husband and he breaks up with you or leaves you for another woman? Will you not regret doing too much for him?
Don’t get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should! At the end of the day, the only person who ever regrets doing this is the woman, not the man!
Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What Is Treating Your Boyfriend Like A Husband?
Well, there are many things that women do that reflects the role of a wife.
But, to give you an idea, it can include anything from playing house and regularly cleaning his place or doing his laundry to passing up great opportunities for the relationship.
The most significant aspect I’ve noticed women catering to men as husbands would be in their careers. For example, you could get a great job offer in another state, but choose to pass up on the opportunity to stay with your boyfriend.
I’ve seen too many women pass up on great career or business opportunities for men that had no intention of marrying them, let alone being together long-term.
As women, we can’t make decisions based on our boyfriend being in our lives and, if we do, it can really hold us back.
When it’s all said and done, no woman looks back and says, “You know, I’m glad I passed up that opportunity for him!” So, if you’re not married, you need to make decisions with only your own best interest at heart.
If a man is going to make a career or business decision, he does it, and without thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my girlfriend will be okay with this.” No, men do what they know is best for themselves and it’s time that women did the same!
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Until You’re Engaged, His Opinion Doesn’t Matter
If he’s not your husband, your opinion is the only one that matters.
I say this because 2-3 years down the line when you’re not with him, you too will think his opinion doesn’t matter. If he’s not going to be a part of your life permanently, then why would you make decisions based on him? Especially decisions that will have a lasting effect on your life.
If your boyfriend wants you to consider him when you’re making big decisions about your life, he needs to show you that he will always be a part of that life. And, he does this by asking you to marry him!
Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally. Don’t force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he doesn’t want to play husband, you definitely shouldn’t play wife!
For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Let’s Talk About Sex…
Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Sex can be a very taboo topic for some, but it’s one that must be addressed!
Many women consider themselves “free-spirited” and are very comfortable talking about sex. On the other hand, there are women who understand the intimacy of sex and know it’s not something to engage in or speak of lightly.
For the women that are of the belief that sex is “no big deal,” now is the time to rethink your position.
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Stop Talking About Sex On Dates
A lot of women recognize that they shouldn’t sleep with men until they are in an exclusive relationship, but many of these women think that it’s okay to talk about sex on the first few dates with men.
The truth is, most of the time, talking about sex on the first few dates is just as good as having sex on the first few dates.
It’s hard enough to keep men from thinking about just having sex with you, so when you make sex a point of conversation, you automatically trigger that part of the man’s mind that associates you with sex.
So, even if you aren’t having sex with a man, when you talk about it too soon, you may be pushing him towards categorizing you as a woman to just have sex with.
And, once you’re categorized into that sex box, there’s rarely any coming back from that.
Benefits of NOT Talking About Sex
By refraining from having conversations about sex, you force a man to think about you outside of the sexual aspects.
You force the man to actually get to know YOU and see if there could be a potential relationship. And, isn’t this what we want?
You don’t want a man to start thinking of the different ways he can try to sleep with you. Keep his mind out of the gutter and force him to get to know the person in the panties! 🙂
Disclaimer: Even if your conversations about sex are general and don’t actually involve you and him having sex, you still need to steer clear of this conversation topic!
Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Sex
Sex is a very intimate act that should only happen between two people that are exclusively dating and trust each other.
Aside from the fact that Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are so prevalent, it’s important that you understand what your relationship with a man is before deciding to have sex.
A lot of times, women blindly jump into having sex with a man. They don’t know where they stand or how the man really feels about them and they don’t know if the man is having sex with other women.
When you have sex with a man without knowing that he wants to be in an exclusive relationship, you become anxious and nervous about where you stand in the man’s life.
How many times have you slept with a man then spent the next days or weeks stressing about whether the man still likes you, or wants to pursue a relationship, or whether he is still sleeping with other women?
Well, you won’t have to have these types of unnerving thoughts if you wait to have sex once you have both decided to be in an exclusive relationship.
And, if a man isn’t sure whether he wants to be in a relationship with you, then he is NOT deserving of your body!!
Why Wait To Have Sex?
There are 3 main reasons why you should wait a significant amount of time before having sex with a man:
1. You need to know where a man’s head is at and what his intentions with you are, is he lusting after you for sex or is he genuinely interested in getting to know you and pursuing a relationship and possibly marriage?
2. You don’t want to get categorized as easy and, therefore, not wife material; and
3. You need to give yourself enough time to evaluate whether this man is right for you!
Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Don’t Be the Late Night Creep
If you wait until you are in a committed relationship to have sex, you will also weed out a lot of men that are only chasing after you for sex.
If a man’s interest and attention in you starts to dwindle before you’ve had sex with him, then you know where his interest truly lied and you can feel confident about moving on to other prospects without looking back!
No woman wants to be used for sex or be a man’s “late night creep.”
As much as “liberated” women say they don’t mind having casual relationships with men, when they find out that man is sleeping with other women, they never feel good about it.
Lying to Yourself Never Helps
You can lie to yourself all you want, but you never want the man your having sex with to have sex with other women.
Every woman wants to feel special and know that a man doesn’t want to sleep with any other woman, but when you have sex outside of a committed relationship, you don’t have this security.
When you sleep with a man without knowing what your relationship is, you essentially forfeit your right to say that you should be the only one he is sleeping with.
I actually had a woman tell me that she only wanted a casual relationship with a guy she was dating, so she was honest with him that she was dating other men. When he happily responded that it was cool and he would see other people too, she didn’t feel good about that.
You can only fool yourself for so long! You really don’t want the man you’re dating to sleep with other women.
Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Don’t Get Labeled As “Just Sex”
If you have sex with a man too soon, he will label you as “just sex” and there won’t be a potential for a relationship. Once you’re labeled as just a person to just have sex with, there really is no possibility of being considered relationship material by that man.
The woman a man wants to be in a relationship with does not easily give up her body. And, if you give up your body easily for him, he will think you do it for every man.
Even if you felt a crazy deep connection with a man and thought the feelings were mutual, if you sleep with him too soon, he’ll still think that’s how you are with every other man.
Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
But He Says He Doesn’t Judge
If a man tells you that he won’t judge you for sleeping with him early on, DON’T believe it! A lot of times, men will tell you what you need to hear to drop your panties. He doesn’t actually believe what he is selling you.
When you jump right into sex, you essentially tell a man you are okay having sex with him and not being in a committed relationship.
When you do this, a man won’t be any more motivated to get in an exclusive relationship with you because he already has the best of both worlds.
He gets to sleep with you and probably get treated like a boyfriend without ever having to commit to you AND he still gets to sleep with other women! A win win situation for him and a big lose for you!
Image courtesy of Marin/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Do You Know If He’s Right For You?
You definitely shouldn’t be having sex with a man that you don’t know well.
If you’re interested in being in a relationship and you have sex with a man too soon, you wouldn’t know whether this is the type of man you would want to be in a relationship with and you may regret having sex with him after the fact.
While you may think you know someone based on the superficial things you’ve learned about them, you really don’t start to see who people really are until months into dating.
Don’t shortchange yourself by having sex too soon just to discover that this isn’t the type of man you would want in your life.
Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee!
One Thing That Kills A Potential Relationship is…
Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Too Much Information Too Soon
Too Much Information Too Soon (“TMITS”) can quickly kill a potential relationship or budding romance! It’s actually a red flag for some people.
TMITS can easily scare a man off! Have you ever been standing in line somewhere and the person next to you tells you their whole life story?
Well, did you all of sudden feel really close and connected to that person, or did you feel weirded out and anxious for the line to speed up so you could get out of there?
Of course, in these situations you feel more uncomfortable than closer to a person. And, that’s what it’s like with dating too!
If you tell a man too much information too soon before he gets a chance to enjoy your fun, light-hearted side, you can freak him out and make him weary of getting closer to you and your readily apparent issues!
Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Courtship Is A Process
Courtship and dating is really a process. You can’t rush the process by sharing too much information too soon in an effort to force a deeper connection than there really is.
You have to let things happen naturally and in its own time. Trying to speed up the process and rush a relationship really isn’t wise.
When someone gets to know you, it’s supposed to happen over time, not overnight.
When you first meet and start dating a man, it shouldn’t be about sharing all your hardships or trials and tribulations. It’s supposed to be about seeing if you can enjoy your time with this person and get along well.
Never have a negative dish session about yourself and don’t give too much information on dates 1-5, at least.
Leave the deeper and more touchy subjects for when you’ve at least been on several dates. Dates one through five need to be all about enjoying each other’s company and learning those superficial things first, for instance, siblings, hobbies, likes, etc.
Conversations You Shouldn’t Have On Dates 1-5
1. Insecurities/Self-Esteem Issues
2. Past Relationships
3. Marriage
4. Death of Loved Ones
5. Religion
6. Politics
7. Things You Hate/Despise (You don’t want to come off as Negative-Nancy! No one likes a downer!)
8. Other serious or uncomfortable topics
Keep It Light
Stick to light-hearted topics on the first few dates.
If someone gives you all of themselves right there on the first dates, it’s A LOT to swallow and you may make some bad judgment calls about the person and whether a relationship would work. And, this is because they’ve given you too much to get past.
You may perceive them as having more negative characteristics or traits than you would want your partner to have, but because the person gave you too much information too soon, it disillusioned you about this person as a whole.
Someone can have a normal amount faults, but because they wore them on their sleeves, they gave off the impression that they were all flaws and nothing more.
Let Him Start Liking You
You should let a man get to know your great, positive side and like that about you before you start telling him all the negative things about yourself.
No person or relationship is perfect, but it’s seeing the good in someone and loving them for who they are that allows you to look past certain flaws.
You have to let a person start liking you before you get into some touchy or negative areas about yourself. People are more likely to overlook and accept flaws once they like someone.
However, very few people will overlook flaws in someone they barely know. Instead, they’d rather find someone who they think doesn’t have many problems, if any. But, remember, many people are good about revealing things slowly over time, men certainly are! So, why lose out to someone else who is better at taking things slowly?
Don’t ex yourself out of the game!!
The benefit of revealing information about yourself slowly is that these things won’t likely be a deal breaker down the line since the person will have grown fond of you.
Exception to the Rule
Now, there are some situations when sharing too much information too soon won’t actually scare a man off, but this doesn’t mean that you should continue to share TMITS.
There’s a small, special breed of men that like women with issues or problems. This is because this man wants to take the woman under his wing, dominate her, fix her up, and make her into the woman he wants for himself.
These are the so-called “Svengali” types. With this kind of man, too much too soon might get you more attention than you thought.
However, it’s not positive attention. This man will never cherish you for who you are. Instead, he will constantly criticize you and tell you all the different things you need to change about yourself.
He doesn’t actually want YOU, he wants to mold you into a different person he will be happy with. And, in turn, you will never be happy in this relationship.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
You Won’t Be Happy With A Svengali
Ya, sure, maybe in the beginning you’ll love all the extra attention and the clothes he buys for your new wardrobe, which fits the image he wants, of course.
But, after awhile of someone beating you down about who you are and trying to change everything about you, you’ll more so resent the man rather than feeling genuine love for him.
Eventually, you’ll fall out of love or fail to fall in love in the first place.
Even if you do allow a man to get to know you slowly over time, you still need to avoid a man who wants to “fix you up” and change everything about you.
You deserve a man that will appreciate and love you for the person that you are! If a man can’t, then he’s just not deserving of you!
Be Kind To Yourself And Others Will Too
If you’re kind to yourself, others will treat you the same. There’s always an exception to every rule, but for the most part, if you treat yourself with respect you’ll see that less people will disrespect you.
Treating yourself well and being kind to yourself also means not letting anyone else treat you poorly. Set standards for yourself and don’t change yourself into a different woman for a man, if it’s not change for the good.
I have to make a distinction between unnecessary changes a Svengali type would want you to make and necessary positive changes that promote a healthy relationship and a healthy you!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
You Attract What You Put Out There!
Image courtesy of stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Ladies, how many times have you been hit on by a man in public and thought to yourself, “I can’t believe this unkempt sweatpants-wearing man has the nerve to hit on me!!”
Have you been approached by men in a wife beater and sweatpants and wondered why he thought he could get your phone number?
We’ve all been here before. But, the most important question is, what am I doing, wearing, or putting out there to attract these kind of men?
Always remember, you attract what you put out there!
You Attract What You Reflect
If you leave your house in sweatpants and a wife beater, don’t be mad when a man in sweats and a wife beater hits on YOU!
You can’t expect that you’ll attract a businessman in a suit when you’re wearing sweatpants.
The next time you’re picking an outfit to wear out, whether for a date or otherwise, ask yourself, “would the type of man I want to date go for a woman dressed like this?”
If you wear clothes that show a lot of breasts and skin, you will definitely get attention from men, but it won’t be the kind of attention that you want.
Most men will go after a woman that is dressed like she’s “easy,” however, he’s going after her for sex and nothing more. He won’t be interested in developing a long term relationship with someone he only sees as a late night creep option.
Image courtesy of Patrisyu/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The Skin Rule
When getting dressed, always remember that you can only show ONE of the following, if any:
1. Cleavage
2. Midriff
3. Legs
4. Back
Avoid Being Labeled “Just Sex”
You can only show off one of these assets at a time if you are going to show off anything at all. If you show both breasts and legs, for example, you will come off as extremely “sexified.”
Even if you think you’ve shown more than one area of skin tastefully, rethink your choices because you’re probably still attracting negative male attention.
On the first few dates, be more on the conservative side in your dress. Better that he think you’re more reserved than you really are than to think you’re just good for sex.
At the end of the day, there’s NO BOUNCING BACK once a man places you in the “just sex” category. Once a man labels you as a sex object, that’s all you’ll ever be!
Yes, there are exceptions to the rule that once a man see’s you as sex, that’s all you’ll ever be. But, exceptions are rare and we can’t all be exceptions to the rule! 😉
Get The Respect You Deserve
Many men already think that women are just sex objects to be used and discarded, so this means that we have to try even harder to not get labeled as such.
While some men may never respect women, there are plenty of men that will show you the respect you deserve, as long as you are showing yourself that same respect FIRST!
Start dressing for what you want the universe to bring you. The clothes that you wear say a lot about who you are! Control the image and perception you are putting out there about yourself.
Be cognizant and aware of the outfits that you are choosing to wear and how you are carrying yourself. Whether you’re going to work, a date, or out with friends, you need to pick your attire cautiously.
If you want to continue dressing freely, that’s fine, but don’t be upset when you get a lot of unwanted attention from sleazy men!
Image courtesy of Anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What Does Your Wardrobe Say About You?
It’s honestly true that you attract what you reflect. At the same time, if you have serious self-esteem issues and they come out in the way you dress and the way you carry yourself, men WILL notice this!!
Actually, men easily pick up on the fact that a woman is insecure or lacks self-confidence.
So, if you walk down the street with your shoulders hunched over and your head hanging low, you could give off a vibe that says, “Hey! I have no self-esteem or confidence so any men who want to take advantage of me or control me are welcome!”
Don’t get me wrong, every once in a while you will still have some unwanted stragglers hit on you, but there won’t be nearly as many when you’re dressing appropriately and carrying yourself respectfully.
Start Being Mindful Of How You Carry Yourself
Don’t wear clothes that you are uncomfortable in. When you wear clothes you aren’t comfortable in, you fidget and constantly adjust your clothes. Doing this actually draws more attention to the areas that you’re insecure about.
The truth is, when you aren’t comfortable in your clothes, you can’t be confident in what you do whether it’s being on a date, in the boardroom, or even in front of a camera.
Don’t let your clothes take away your self-confidence!
If you’re constantly focused on adjusting your clothes or how you’re sitting, you can’t be focused on the conversation you’re having. You won’t be “in the moment.”
This isn’t a good thing. People can tell when you’re not giving them your full attention and that’s not an exciting conversation to be in.
Being Comfortable Empowers You!
Honestly, when you’re comfortable, you can be yourself and you can enjoy the company you’re with or the activity you’re doing.
Being comfortable equals being confident. But, being uncomfortable can bring out several bad traits such as pessimism, unwillingness to participate in certain activities, and many other negative attributes.
You’ll EMPOWER YOURSELF by being comfortable! So, wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and in control!
Let a man get to know you for who you really are and not for your insecurities.
If you’ve gained weight and you’re reluctant to buy clothes one or two sizes bigger, you’re really only doing yourself a disservice because while you’re pulling your shirt down and pulling your pants up, you’re letting someone know that your insecure and unhappy with yourself.
But, I want to hear your thoughts on this topic! Leave your thoughts and comments below!! Thanks for reading!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee!
8 Acts Of Chivalry To Bring Back
Finally, a man concerned about bringing chivalry back!! Support the New Chivalry Movement!!!
The more women I talk to, the more I realize that the gentleman is a rare breed. The mission of the New Chivalry Movement is to bring men (and women) together who strive to be the best versions of themselves and love and respect those around them.
As the gentleman has become less prominent, so have the respectful acts that define him.
Here are 8 acts of chivalry we often overlook and should work to bring back.
Giving up your seat.
Whether on a bus or on a crowded subway, giving up your seat to another is a rare but great sign of respect. I always cringe a bit when I see a woman or elderly person forced to stand while young men remain distracted by their phones. It all comes down to being aware of your surroundings and acting accordingly.
Only one in seven men will offer their seat…
View original post 622 more words
Snooping: Who Really Wins?
This is a must read post from “Sarah on the Go.” One point in this post that really stuck out to me was, “Maybe when we find ourselves needing to know more, we should just know to move on.”
While I do agree with this, it’s imperative that you make a serious evaluation before deciding to leave your partner without solid or tangible proof of cheating.
What evaluation you ask? Well, before you decide to move on you need to be able to decipher and know the difference between general insecurity or jealousy and significant red flags that a woman should be genuinely concerned about.
If it’s just general insecurity making you want to snoop, then it’s time to do some much needed introspection and attack the real root of your insecurity.
However, if your insecurity stems from your partner’s actions that raise serious red flags, then this may not be a relationship that you should continue.
Check out this post from “Sarah on the Go:” Snooping: Who Really Wins?
Entry 7: Stop Giving up Your Life for Him!
Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Ladies, there is no reason why you should be giving up your family, friends and life for the man you are dating. Leaving your life behind for your new beaux and his life is foolish.
Be honest, how many times have you stopped seeing your own friends and given up your life for the man you are dating just for the relationship to end and feel like you have no friends and no life?
Let’s be real, we have all been there at least once in our lives! And, wasn’t it really hard to re-establish those close friendships and bonds you had before you disappeared into your relationship? Are there some friendships that you never got back?
How many of your friends gave up on calling you or trying to hang out with you once you immersed yourself into a new relationship?
Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Don’t Forget Your Loved Ones
The truth is, when a relationship is more serious, of course you won’t see friends and family as often, but you should never stop communicating with the people that have always been there for you and loved you long before you met your new beaux!
Don’t forget, your friends and family can miss you when you’re in a relationship, so don’t forget to keep up with them and stay in touch!
If you can’t see them, fine! But, at least CALL or TEXT!! Its 2014! There are way too many technological advances out there for anyone to have any excuse for not keeping in touch.
When you take the time to keep up with family and the friendships you cultivated long before your new boo came along, you’ll find it’s much easier not to be overly available to the new guy your dating.
Scarcity Increases Demand
It’s true that your scarcity will increase a man’s desire for you. It’s the whole concept of supply and demand. For example, if there’s a high supply of something, the demand for it will not be as high.
But, when something is scarce, when there is a low supply of something, the demand for that thing goes through the roof!
I personally think that this concept directly applies to dating. The more available you are, the less someone will actually want to see you.
However, if you’re hard to see, if you’re hard to lock down for a date, a man will constantly be trying to fit himself into your schedule.
Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Develop Interests
If you don’t have friends, family, or things to do outside of work, then you need to get a hobby! For real!! Find something to do with your time.
Find something that interests you or stimulates your mind. You could go to Barnes and Nobles and just wander through the sections for a good book to read.
Find a hobby you enjoy like blogging, podcasting, hiking, volunteering, or whatever may interest you.
If the only thing that interests you is men, then start going to dating seminars, read self-help and dating books. Do something!
You need to have a life (or act like you have a life) because if you don’t, you’ll give a man the impression that he has to create a life for you and keep your needy behind occupied 24/7!
Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Delicate Balance
Remember though, it’s actually a very delicate balance that must be maintained between not being overly available and showing that you do have genuine interest in a man.
Today, on my podcast, my male guest on the show said that you shouldn’t be too available, however, you don’t want a man to read your unavailability as not being interested in him.
He made a great point! You should never be unavailable altogether or be overly hard to reach because a man could easily think that you just aren’t interested in him.
So, be sure to balance your availability to men so they do understand that you are interested in them, but that you also have a life (i.e. work, family, and friends to keep up with).
In fact, if you stick to keeping a life of your own instead of dropping all your relationships for a new man, you may start to feel like you can’t even accommodate all the time your man wants to spend with you!
Image courtesy of Adamr/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Take Caution With Single Friends
Be cautious of making too much time for your single friends. The truth is, single people have the most free time and if you prioritize seeing them in most of their free time, you could actually hurt your relationship.
You definitely don’t want your man to feel like he comes second to your friends. He just needs to know that you need to see your friends every so often because they are important to you too.
Your friends deserve some attention, but they can’t have most or all of it. Remember to maintain that balance between your life and your relationships.
You Want More?
If you want to hear more on this topic and get the male perspective, check out my podcast on this topic at Dee’s Dating Diary Podcast or download this episode here: Download episode
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
You Can’t See Him Everyday
You shouldn’t be seeing the new man you’re dating every single day of the week for a number of reasons. But, most importantly, you’ll probably have a false sense of knowing who he really is.
Seeing your new beau every day of the week, or trying to see him every day of the week because most likely he’s not trying to be sitting up under you everyday of the week, will also allow a man to get to know you much quicker than he really should.
He may even start to think you may be clingy and need a lot of attention and, ultimately, he may become disinterested and move on.
Don’t Force It
If you call a man everyday to hang out with you and he actually accepts every time, you’ll still never know whether he would have called you everyday to see YOU.
You’ll never know how strongly he really feels about you if you’re always the one putting in the effort to contact him. What if another woman had called him to hang out before you? Are you sure he wouldn’t have accepted her invitation?
My point is just that, we have to pull back. You have to stop trying to force something between you and a man and let nature take it’s course.
Wait to see if he even wants to spend this much time with you. If he doesn’t try to see you often or frequently, then maybe he doesn’t feel that strongly about you and maybe you shouldn’t put too much stock into him.
Wait, HE Wants to See You Everyday!
But, maybe he’s the one that tries to see you everyday. If so, that’s great!! However, you still can’t see him everyday. You, as the woman, need to set the tone here.
He’s not going to lose interest in you because you want to take one or two days out of the week to catch up with your friends and family.
Why is it that a man can get to know who a woman is extremely quickly, but it sometimes takes women forever to know who a man really is?
Well, this is because men don’t put everything out on the table immediately after meeting someone as most women do. Hold some of yourself back!!
Why should you be giving more of yourself than a man is giving you? That’s crazy! And, you’ll be the one with the broken heart in the end if you pursue someone who isn’t giving you much of themselves.
It’s A Process
In dating, getting to know each other should be a slower process than what we are seeing play out in dating today. You are not supposed to get to know someone overnight.
In fact, you can’t really get to know someone quickly, and certainly not overnight. You really learn who people are in time. A lot of character traits are revealed over a length of time, like several months, whether revealing that trait was intentional or not.
Hindsight Is 20/20
Haven’t you dated a man and thought you knew him and after the relationship ends, you’re sitting there wondering, “Who was this man?” That’s because you never really knew who he was in the first place.
As you replay the relationship over and over in your head, you eventually discover all the subtleties that were letting you know who you were dating.
Maybe you ignored significant red flags or maybe he was really good at hiding them. Either way, taking the time to really get to know him might have helped you pass this man up and save yourself some heartache.
Categorizing Men
As women, a lot of times we try to learn who a man is quickly and “categorize” him so to say. Once we feel like we “know” who a man is, that’s it. We stick to that notion until it literally has to be ripped from us by the contradiction of a man’s actions.
After we have categorized a man or pigeon-holed him into being the man we want, we fall for the person we created in our minds, not the person that exists before us.
I say “create” because we never really took the time to get to know the man we jumped headfirst into a relationship with.
And, when we look back on the relationship, sometimes we seem to forget that WE forced OUR image or our perception of who this man is on him. We created this reality, not him.
Slow Down
So, instead, of trying to get to know a man too quickly and categorize him where he doesn’t belong, slow down and take the necessary time to get to know someone. It won’t happen in a day, a week, or a month.
You can’t get to know a man in just days or weeks, look at it as a process, a dance, a play if you would. Characters in plays and movies are developed through the course of the show, in time.
True relationships in the real world are built over time as well. Take your time getting to know a man and give him time to SHOW you who he is.
The Rules Book
According to The Rules: Time-tested Secrets to Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, you should never see a man more than 5-6 times a week unless you’re married. I do agree with this rule, but only to a certain extent.
Obviously, once you’ve been dating for a significant amount of time, you will start seeing each other almost everyday.
But, I don’t believe that every single week you can only see your beaux 5-6 times. I think you can spend an entire week together, however, the next week you shouldn’t see him everyday.
My Rule
So, my rule is really that you can see your man 6-7 times in one week, however, you can’t do this consecutively or have back to back weeks where you’re seeing him every day of the week!
You have to break up the weeks where you see your boyfriend everyday with a week where you only see him a few times. This way, you can still maintain a life of your own, he won’t get overly bored with you, and also won’t feel like he “has” you in the bag and stop putting in effort with you.
For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
First Date Tips: Dating Red Flags
It’s been a crazy few weeks. I’ve not only been super busy with work, there’s my blog, my business and the podcast. Wow, crazy. But, I love every minute of it. You might be wondering how I find time for dating but I do. Actually, I love meeting new people and I’ve gone on a lot of first dates lately. Yes, lots of first dates that didn’t go anywhere else for whatever reason, mostly because we didn’t have a connection and that’s perfectly OK. Others I would have loved to see again but it wasn’t in the cards. That’s perfectly OK too, just because you felt a connection doesn’t mean they did.
People put too much pressure on a first date when really it’s just that first contact to see if you want to proceed to the next level, a “pre-date” if you will. That’s why coffee or a…
View original post 885 more words
No More Last Minute Dates!
More and more men seem to think it is okay to ask women out on a date with less than 30 minutes notice!
While I don’t agree with this, obviously there are enough women accepting these last minute dates or hang outs that men now feel comfortable and confident in doing this.
You Don’t KNOW Him
A man shouldn’t feel comfortable inviting himself to your place at the last minute.
Texting, “Hey, I’m in your neighborhood, can I come by” is not cool! Why didn’t he ask you if you wanted to hang out any earlier??
Well, it’s because he never planned on hanging out with you that night in the first place. If a man likes a woman and he actually wants to see her, he will try lock her down for a date long before the night of the date itself.
Truthfully, why on earth should a man that barely knows you feel confident enough to call you at 8pm on a Friday night to see you in an hour? It’s disrespectful in my opinion. I could have other plans or just be enjoying a night to myself.
If a man is calling or texting you at night to see you that night, this should be a huge red flag to you!!
Disclaimer: This definitely doesn’t apply once you’ve been dating for awhile or are exclusive with each other. This only applies to the beginning stages of dating.
Time to Primp & Pamper
Why aren’t you worth him putting some forethought into asking you out? Why don’t you deserve the respect of having, at a minimum, 24 hours notice before a date?
You deserve to have time to take a shower, make your hair look fabulous, pick the perfect outfit, and do your make up flawlessly! Every woman should be able to primp and pamper herself to the extent that she likes before any date.
You deserve a man that wants to plan out a date more than just a few hours in advance. Of course, once you’ve been on several dates spontaneity will be a great thing!
But, first, he has to show you that he does have respect for you in every sense of the word. And this includes, understanding that your personal free time is precious and that other people want it too.
Respect
Remember, your time is valuable regardless of whether you are spending it watching Housewives, hiking up a mountain, or simply blogging. And, he needs to know that as well.
A man will respect you more if you set boundaries for yourself. If you act like you can be walked all over and used like a rag doll, you will be. Show a man that he needs to treat you with respect if you aren’t getting it from the start.
If a man calls or texts you at the last minute and actually gets to see you, he will think you are easy and definitely won’t put any more effort into getting to know you, let alone give you much more notice for future dates.
He surely won’t respect you.
Last Minute = Last Choice
Most of the time, if a man is trying to see you at the last minute, you were his last option.
I know every woman in this world wants a man that looks at her like his first, most preferable option. No woman wants to be a man’s back up or last resort!
If you can’t be honest enough with yourself to admit that, then you definitely are not ready to change those things that may be holding you back in your dating life.
Yesterday, I had a male guest on my podcast and when we discussed last minute dates, he said something that really resonated with me. He said, “Last minute equals last choice!” This is straight from the horses mouth ladies!
Don’t Answer Your Phone on Friday and Saturday Nights
Obviously, if you’re getting a call or text on Friday or Saturday night you weren’t nearly at the top of a man’s mind.
If you just recently met, a man doesn’t actually KNOW you and should think you are busy having fun with friends or whoever on your weekend.
Even if you aren’t out with friends or on dates, maybe you’re busy with hobbies, elevating your career, blogging, or podcasting!
Either way, don’t answer his call or respond to his text. Why? Because you’re out living your life, hanging out with your friends, or just enjoying your “me time.”
By doing this and not accepting last minute dates, you will let him know that if he wants to see you he will actually have to ask to see you in advance.
No one wants to be that girl that all the guys know will answer her phone at 10pm on a Friday or Saturday night.
Return His Call or Text Later
Please don’t think I’m asking you to ignore a man’s communication altogether, I’m not saying that.
You can return his call or text hours later or the next morning and let him know you were out or busy. Keep it vague, you barely know this guy and he doesn’t need to know your every last movement despite your yearning to tell him.
For those who may see this as lying or being dishonest, I think you should really be looking at it more as holding yourself back and not giving yourself wholly and completely to someone upfront. Take time to let someone get to know you.
The Rules Book
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors of The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing The Heart of Mr. Right, say that you should never accept a date for Friday or Saturday night after Wednesday.
I like this rule, but, I tweaked it. I believe that you can accept a weekend date if you’re asked by Thursday, but it depends on how much genuine interest the man has shown.
If you feel like he’s a good guy and is showing real interest in you, you can accept a weekend date if he asks on Thursday.
However, if you’re already getting the feeling that this guy might be a player or he’s “running game on you,” don’t make exceptions to this rule.
How It Works
Most of the time, by the second or third time you turn a man down for a last minute date, he will start asking you out in advance!
For the men that don’t… Well, they weren’t interested in anything serious in the first place and were just looking for some easy play.
And to these men, wish them adieu because that’s not what you’re looking for and they were never going to give you the respect you deserved anyway!
You Want More?
To hear the full discussion on this topic and hear the male perspective for yourself, check out my podcast! It’s Dee’s Dating Diary Podcast or download the episode here: Download episode
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
You Don’t Deserve a Good Man…Yet!!
A lot of women put off working on themselves because they feel like “Well, if I’m not in a relationship, what’s the point?” “Who am I working on myself for?”
Well the answer to that question is YOU!
Are You a Good Woman?
Every woman wants a good man, but let’s face it: A good man deserves a good woman, period!
Get yourself together now so that when you’re ready to take that big step, a good man will be ready to take it with you!
Self-Defeating Behavior
We have to stop saying things like, “Well, it’s obvious this guy doesn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with me so why should I change myself??” Or “I’m not looking for anything serious, I just want to date and have fun!”
Well, when you’re done having all that fun, those habits you’ve developed and ingrained into your way of life may be the same habits that keep you from finding and keeping a good man.
If your not interested in fixing your faults or bad habits because you’re not in a relationship or whatever the excuse, here is your reality check:
You still need to work on yourself because bad habits are hard to break and if you don’t start at least trying and practicing now, there’s not much of a chance that you’ll change years down the line!
Practice, Practice, Practice!
Ladies, we all know that it’s hardest to play it cool or follow “the rules” when you are REALLY into a man or have already categorized him as “the one.”
So, you really need to practice not doing those bad habits that get you labeled as “the stalker,”or the “crazy girl” or whatever your kryptonite is. Once you’ve been practicing for awhile, it won’t be as hard to stop yourself from doing those things you know you shouldn’t do.
There’s no need to fall apart and moan about everything you think you are not. Instead, focus on becoming the person that you yourself would want to date.
While some women are aware of the flaws and bad habits that hinder them in the dating world, many women are not. Either way, we all need to continuously work on ourselves for the better.
What is Working on Yourself?
When I say “work on ourselves,” I mean we need to do some serious introspective evaluations to determine what our bad habits or flaws are and better understand those characteristics that are holding us back in dating, love and life in general.
Perhaps, you’re extremely needy and clingy, or overly distant. Or, your first dates with men are more like interviews or interrogations more so than actual dates.
Do your insecurities or lack of self-esteem lead to you chasing men away with your jealousy or constant need for reassurance and attention?
Maybe you consciously or unconsciously let men know that you are ready to settle down and have kids like yesterday! Regardless of whether a man is actively looking for marriage, kids, and the whole shebang, you can scare him off by putting marriage and kids on the table on the first few dates. This reeks desperation!
Whatever your flaws may be, you yourself need to know what they are! That’s the only way you’ll be able to work on changing them or learn how to downplay them so they don’t negatively affect your life.
Not Everything Can Be Changed
Now, I realize that not every character flaw or bad habit can necessarily be changed, but it can be downplayed! And, for the habits that can be changed, why not change them?
Regardless of whether you’re casually dating, dating the wrong man, or not dating at all, you have to work on yourself!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Related Articles You May Like
Emotionally Unavailable? Should You Be Dating?
21 Pieces Of Relationship “Advice” You Should Always Ignore
Plenty of these “tips” should be ignored!!! My favorite was “You can’t expect [insert act of basic human decency here] from men. They’re hopeless.”
This is hilarious! Why shouldn’t we expect basic human decency from men?? It’s time to stop cutting men so much slack that they can get away with having no human decency! Great post! Thanks for the laughs!
Access the full article here: 21 Pieces of Relationship Advice you Should Always Ignore
Focusing on the Process not the Dating Outcomes
It really is time to start slowing down the dating process and enjoying the ride instead of making it a long term examination that a man has to pass.
I don’t know about you, but often times I get caught up in the looking at the finish line that I don’t even notice anything else that’s going on around me. I’m like that a lot in everything I do, I just want to get to my goal as fast as I can. I’ve also noticed that in my personal life as well. I sometimes am so focused on the finish line, getting where I want to be that forget to stop and smell the roses and just “be” where I’m at. I’m not the only one. Most people are like that.
It took me a while to realize that. It was one of the main reasons that I married the wrong person way back when. I was so focused on being “the bride” and fitting into the “box” that I turned a blind eye to many red flags. The…
View original post 671 more words
Dee's Dating Diary 