3 Reasons You Shouldn’t Ask A Date Questions About His Character

Posted on September 26, 2015 by Dee's Dating Diary

When you first start dating a man, you want to get to know as much about your date as possible. Instead of letting a man show you who he is, you try to get him to tell you. You might ask him questions about his character or how he treated his last girlfriend to get a better idea of what a relationship with him would look like.

But, doing this is actually more problematic than you probably think. So, here are 3 reasons why you shouldn’t ask the men you’re dating questions about their character:

1. Men Can Lie

In a perfect world, all men would tell the truth when they are asked questions about themselves, but we don’t live in a perfect world. So, it’s really important not to focus heavily on questioning your date about his personality, morals, character, and so forth.

When you pay attention to your date’s behavior and keep your eyes open for red flags, these questions will be answered for you. Which brings me to my next point…

2. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

We’ve all heard this saying, it’s nothing new, but actions really do speak louder than words! If you ask your dates about themselves, they could easily just tell you what you want to hear. Don’t get caught up putting a man through investigative questioning because his behavior will tell you everything in the end.

Remember, a man can show you who he is much better than he could ever tell you!

3. You May Blindly Rely On His Answers

When you focus your energy on questioning a man about his character, it’s really easy to have a false sense of confidence in his answers. Naturally, we want to believe what the man we’re dating says. So, instead of paying attention to his actions, we rely on his word and turn a blind eye to all the red flags that show us he’s someone else.

The truth is, when we wrongly rely on what a man tells us about himself, we only hurt ourselves in the long run through our blind trust and belief.

The next time you’re dating a man, let him show you who he is instead of tell you who he is. Start identifying and learning about the different red flags you should be paying attention to. This way, you won’t feel the need to question your dates since you’ll be able to rely on your knowledge and understanding of men’s behavior!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Learn More About Red Flags:

5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

No More Last Minute Dates!

You shouldn’t have to tell him to call you

Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy

Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

*Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

6 Must Dos Before A Date

Posted on June 20, 2015 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of StockImages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

First impressions are everything because they are lasting impressions. When you go out on dates you want to make sure that you’re always putting your best foot forward. So, follow these 5 must dos before a date:

1. No Fantasizing About Your Date

Women often fantasize about dating or being in a relationship with their new date. But, you should never do this before your first date because you ultimately create unrealistic expectations for you and your date.

Your first few dates are supposed to be about getting to know each other and seeing whether you can enjoy each other’s company. You set yourself up for some serious let downs when you fantasize about a new date.

So, don’t dwell on your date or your potential future with the man. Overthinking things can sometimes sabotage yourself.

Image courtesy of TungPhoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2. Don’t Facebook Him or Facebook Stalk Him

Don’t ask your date to be Facebook friends before you even go out on your first date. Not only should you not Facebook stalk your date, but it’s also too premature to become Facebook friends with someone you may never see again.

Despite what you have fantasized about your date, you don’t know what the future holds, so hold off on becoming Facebook friends.

If you’re already Facebook friends or your date’s profile is public, don’t start snooping on his Facebook page or liking any of his posts. While this behavior is definitely not healthy, you also don’t want to Facebook stalk your date because you could accidentally tell on yourself that you were snooping by bringing up some fact or information you shouldn’t have known.

Figure out whether you actually like your date by getting to know him instead of digging and prying into his social media life.

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3. De-Stress And Unwind

You are at your best when you are calm and relaxed. People can sense stress and anxiety and the last thing you want to do is give off or transfer a lot of negative energy on to your date. So, read a book, exercise, catch up on your favorite shows, or call some friends to hang out and veg out!

If you have a hard time relaxing, go to a spa. Get a massage, get in the steam room or sauna. Do whatever you have to do to become that happy and fun woman that you really are, the woman a man can truly enjoy his time with.

But, if you’ve had a really bad day or week and you could easily take this frustration out on your date through your attitude, you may want to consider rescheduling your date for another day (See my post When You Should Cancel Your Date).

There’s nothing worse than being on a date with a woman who has a bad attitude. We all have bad days, but it should never be reflected on your dates!

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

4. Beautify Your Face

To get ready for your dates, you need to do your eyebrows and get rid of the hair on your upper lip, if necessary. If you get waxed, do it no less than 2 days before your date so there’s no remaining redness or puffiness on your face.

And, this is a great example of why you shouldn’t accept last minute dates (See my post No More Last Minute Dates!) because you need to have an adequate amount of time to prep and primp yourself before a date.

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5. Get Your Nails Done

When I say get your nails done, this includes both hands AND feet ladies! Try not to do any crazy creations with your nails on the first date. Keep your nails simple and classy.

You can show more creativity with your nails on future dates, but you have to know that there is such a thing as too much too soon (See my post One Thing That Kills A Potential Relationship is…). Let a man focus on your personality and not your nails on your first few dates.

And, it’s okay if you don’t get your nails done professionally, but if you’re not great at doing your nails then you need to find a good nail salon in your area. If you can do your own nails, at a minimum you need to trim, clean, and put some clear polish on.

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

6. Do Your Hair

You have to do your hair before your date, there’s no exceptions here ladies! You should look flawless on your dates and not like something the cat dragged in!

Whether you do your hair yourself or you get it done professionally, just make sure it looks great and adds to your beauty instead of taking away from it.

Now that you know what you need to do before your next dates, it’s time to get out there and date! Happy Dating Ladies!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

You Attract What You Put Out There!

Posted on March 15, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ladies, how many times have you been hit on by a man in public and thought to yourself, “I can’t believe this unkempt sweatpants-wearing man has the nerve to hit on me!!”

Have you been approached by men in a wife beater and sweatpants and wondered why he thought he could get your phone number?

We’ve all been here before. But, the most important question is, what am I doing, wearing, or putting out there to attract these kind of men?

Always remember, you attract what you put out there!

You Attract What You Reflect

If you leave your house in sweatpants and a wife beater, don’t be mad when a man in sweats and a wife beater hits on YOU!

You can’t expect that you’ll attract a businessman in a suit when you’re wearing sweatpants.

The next time you’re picking an outfit to wear out, whether for a date or otherwise, ask yourself, “would the type of man I want to date go for a woman dressed like this?”

If you wear clothes that show a lot of breasts and skin, you will definitely get attention from men, but it won’t be the kind of attention that you want.

Most men will go after a woman that is dressed like she’s “easy,” however, he’s going after her for sex and nothing more. He won’t be interested in developing a long term relationship with someone he only sees as a late night creep option.

Image courtesy of Patrisyu/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Skin Rule

When getting dressed, always remember that you can only show ONE of the following, if any:

1. Cleavage

2. Midriff

3. Legs

4. Back

Avoid Being Labeled “Just Sex”

You can only show off one of these assets at a time if you are going to show off anything at all. If you show both breasts and legs, for example, you will come off as extremely “sexified.”

Even if you think you’ve shown more than one area of skin tastefully, rethink your choices because you’re probably still attracting negative male attention.

On the first few dates, be more on the conservative side in your dress. Better that he think you’re more reserved than you really are than to think you’re just good for sex.

At the end of the day, there’s NO BOUNCING BACK once a man places you in the “just sex” category. Once a man labels you as a sex object, that’s all you’ll ever be!

Yes, there are exceptions to the rule that once a man see’s you as sex, that’s all you’ll ever be. But, exceptions are rare and we can’t all be exceptions to the rule! 😉

Get The Respect You Deserve

Many men already think that women are just sex objects to be used and discarded, so this means that we have to try even harder to not get labeled as such.

While some men may never respect women, there are plenty of men that will show you the respect you deserve, as long as you are showing yourself that same respect FIRST!

Start dressing for what you want the universe to bring you. The clothes that you wear say a lot about who you are! Control the image and perception you are putting out there about yourself.

Be cognizant and aware of the outfits that you are choosing to wear and how you are carrying yourself. Whether you’re going to work, a date, or out with friends, you need to pick your attire cautiously.

If you want to continue dressing freely, that’s fine, but don’t be upset when you get a lot of unwanted attention from sleazy men!

Image courtesy of Anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Does Your Wardrobe Say About You?

It’s honestly true that you attract what you reflect. At the same time, if you have serious self-esteem issues and they come out in the way you dress and the way you carry yourself, men WILL notice this!!

Actually, men easily pick up on the fact that a woman is insecure or lacks self-confidence.

So, if you walk down the street with your shoulders hunched over and your head hanging low, you could give off a vibe that says, “Hey! I have no self-esteem or confidence so any men who want to take advantage of me or control me are welcome!”

Don’t get me wrong, every once in a while you will still have some unwanted stragglers hit on you, but there won’t be nearly as many when you’re dressing appropriately and carrying yourself respectfully.

Start Being Mindful Of How You Carry Yourself

Don’t wear clothes that you are uncomfortable in. When you wear clothes you aren’t comfortable in, you fidget and constantly adjust your clothes. Doing this actually draws more attention to the areas that you’re insecure about.

The truth is, when you aren’t comfortable in your clothes, you can’t be confident in what you do whether it’s being on a date, in the boardroom, or even in front of a camera.

Don’t let your clothes take away your self-confidence!

If you’re constantly focused on adjusting your clothes or how you’re sitting, you can’t be focused on the conversation you’re having. You won’t be “in the moment.”

This isn’t a good thing. People can tell when you’re not giving them your full attention and that’s not an exciting conversation to be in.

Being Comfortable Empowers You!

Honestly, when you’re comfortable, you can be yourself and you can enjoy the company you’re with or the activity you’re doing.

Being comfortable equals being confident. But, being uncomfortable can bring out several bad traits such as pessimism, unwillingness to participate in certain activities, and many other negative attributes.

You’ll EMPOWER YOURSELF by being comfortable! So, wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and in control!

Let a man get to know you for who you really are and not for your insecurities.

If you’ve gained weight and you’re reluctant to buy clothes one or two sizes bigger, you’re really only doing yourself a disservice because while you’re pulling your shirt down and pulling your pants up, you’re letting someone know that your insecure and unhappy with yourself.

But, I want to hear your thoughts on this topic! Leave your thoughts and comments below!! Thanks for reading!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee!

Snooping: Who Really Wins?

Posted on February 16, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

This is a must read post from “Sarah on the Go.” One point in this post that really stuck out to me was, “Maybe when we find ourselves needing to know more, we should just know to move on.”

While I do agree with this, it’s imperative that you make a serious evaluation before deciding to leave your partner without solid or tangible proof of cheating.

What evaluation you ask? Well, before you decide to move on you need to be able to decipher and know the difference between general insecurity or jealousy and significant red flags that a woman should be genuinely concerned about.

If it’s just general insecurity making you want to snoop, then it’s time to do some much needed introspection and attack the real root of your insecurity.

However, if your insecurity stems from your partner’s actions that raise serious red flags, then this may not be a relationship that you should continue.

Check out this post from “Sarah on the Go:” Snooping: Who Really Wins?