In this short video, I’m sharing dating advice that EVERY woman needs to hear! Go ahead and click play!
Till Next Time,
Our past relationships have a big impact on who we choose to date in the future. Whether it leads us to dating better men or the same types of men we previously dated really just depends on whether we properly processed (mentally) our past relationships, learned the necessary lessons, and implement positive changes.
Unfortunately, most women don’t do this.
And while this perpetuates many different dating and relationship problems, today I want to focus on a more subtle problem that kills great relationships– thinking a “spark” is missing.
What Is The “Spark?”
The Merriam-Webster dictionary has several definitions for the word “spark.” However, the one that best fits relationships is this: “something that sets off a sudden force.” And still, this definition is pretty vague.
In the end though, it doesn’t really matter how any dictionary or person defines a spark because the spark is really what we individually believe it to be. One woman might believe that the spark is having butterflies in her stomach while another woman might feel that the spark is wanting to continue talking to someone for hours on end.
Ultimately, the spark is a highly subjective concept.
Every woman is looking for that spark when she’s dating a man. But how do you actually define a spark and is your definition of a spark hurting your relationships or leading you to dating terrible guys?
Are You Used To The Emotional Roller Coaster?
When women date men who treat them poorly and put them through a lot of ups and downs, which I call the emotional roller coaster, they consequently develop unhealthy attachments to these men and often confuse those feelings of extreme anxiety then satisfaction, during the ups and downs, as a strong spark and growing feelings of love.
They think those anxious feelings they have while waiting for Mr. Wrong to do right are really butterflies. But they’re not…
Then, when they meet a good man who is honest, genuine, and grounded, they think a spark is missing and, therefore, must be dating the wrong man.
Are You Really Missing A “Spark?”
But before you cut things off with your next boyfriend because you think there’s no spark in the relationship, ask yourself this–are we lacking a connection or is there just a lack of drama in the relationship?
It’s extremely important that you evaluate what you believe the spark is because some women easily confuse stability as a lack of a spark when they’ve wrongfully internalized drama as the norm.
So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re dating the right man because you feel that something is missing, think: am I missing a spark or am I missing the drama?
Be honest with yourself so you can openly embrace a great, stable relationship with a great man!
Till Next Time,
When you’re dating, one of the most important things to look for in a man is consistency. Consistency is truly key!
What Is Consistency?
Consistency in dating basically means that a man’s behavior with you remains the same for as long as you date.
For example, if you’re dating a man and you see him every weekend for a month then you suddenly only see him randomly on weekdays, this is inconsistent behavior and, therefore, a red flag. If you talk on the phone everyday then only speak only a few times a week or only exchange texts here and there, this behavior is inconsistent and tells you that this man won’t be a long-term partner.
Consistency in dating also includes consistency between a man’s words (what he tells you) and his actions (what he is actually doing). For example, if a man says he is going to call you tomorrow and doesn’t, there’s no consistency between his words and actions.
If a man’s words aren’t consistent with his actions, this lets you know that his words are lies and can’t be relied on. Remember, men’s actions will always tell you how they truly feel about you! A man who is consistent is a man who can be trusted and relied upon. A man who is inconsistent or wishy-washy can’t be trusted and you’ll regularly have the feeling that you don’t know where you stand with this guy.
One day you’ll talk to him and hear all the things you want to hear and you’ll feel great, thinking he definitely wants you in his life. Then the next day (when you haven’t heard from him) you’ll feel like you’re right back to square one, wondering if he really does want to continue progressing towards a serious relationship.
The Negative Effect Of Dating Inconsistent Men
Dating inconsistent men can give you the false feeling that you are in love or quickly falling in love. You’ll develop strong feelings for these types of men, not because you are actually falling in love with the man, but simply because you are on an emotional roller coaster ride with them (Check out my post Are You In Love Or On An Emotional Roller Coaster).
When you are constantly having to wonder and worry about where you stand with a man or when he will see or speak to you next, it unconsciously makes you feel more attached to the person because you are stressing out about them. It’s not strong genuine feelings that you’re cultivating, it’s just a strong desire for continued attention, and validation or confirmation that dating each other is going somewhere.
In the moments that he’s texting you and whispering sweet-nothings in your ear, you feel amazing, beautiful, loved, and cherished. However, when days go by, in the absence of communication, you feel forgotten, deserted, undesired, insecure, and so much more.
Going from these extreme emotional highs to extreme emotional lows is what builds unhealthy attachments to these men and, consequently, we often mistake this artificial attachment as genuine feelings of love and adoration.
Is His Attention Fleeting?
I recently heard this saying “when a guy burns hot, he extinguishes fast,” and I definitely agree with it to a certain extent. Most of the time, when a man comes on really strong and tries to “lay it on thick,” it’s usually fleeting attention that doesn’t last because his aim is simply to quickly move you to the bedroom.
With this in mind, it’s always a great idea to take your time in getting to know a man and pace the dating so that you don’t get wrapped up in any guy’s facade and you give him enough time to let his true colors show.
If you’ve been dating a man whose communication seems to be dwindling, it’s probably not because he is suddenly busy all the time. When a man’s attention is fleeting, it’s because they’ve lost interest or they never really had interest in pursuing a serious relationship in the first place.
How Inconsistency Gets Manifested As Gut Instincts
I’m constantly talking about how important it is to trust your gut instinct. As much as it can be hard to trust ourselves, you should always listen to what your gut tells you.
Your gut instinct will actually kick in when a man is not consistent with you. If he tells you one thing, but his actions say something completely different, you’ll get that gut feeling that something isn’t right.
However, most women tend to write off their gut feelings that something isn’t right, just to learn much later down the line that they really should have paid more attention to it.
How To Weed Out Inconsistent Men When Dating
As a woman, it’s your job to determine whether a man is being truthful and honest in his feelings for you and you accomplish this by paying attention to his words, actions, and your own gut instincts. The days of letting men “sell you the dream“ are over!
You can no longer just listen to the sweet words that men tell you and think that it is the sole indicator of their true interest in you or love for you. You have to start dating consciously so that you can recognize when a man’s behavior is not consistent with what he tells you. This will allow you to make an informed decision when deciding whether to continue pursuing a relationship with a man you’re dating.
Till Next Time,
When you come across that bad boy you feel attracted to, what is it that piques your interest in him? Do you know what’s at the root of your attraction?
Why You’re Attracted To Bad Boys
There’s no one size fits all answer to why you date bad boys, but there are a few common reasons that might apply to you. Perhaps you enjoy the thrill of the bad boy lifestyle or maybe you have a habit of dating emotionally unavailable men.
For some women, low self-esteem at the root of dating bad boys because the attention they receive from the bad boy makes them feel better about themselves.
You may even be attracted to bad boys because of your own misperception and misunderstanding about men’s behavior or personality. Several years ago, I read a really interesting article that said women are attracted to bad boys because their arrogance is mistaken for confidence.
Mistaking Arrogance For Confidence
Basically, you might perceive a bad boy as having a high level of confidence, which is a very strong attraction point when it comes to dating. Whether you’re a man or a woman, confidence is sexy, period.
No one wants to date an insecure person who constantly needs pacifying and reassurance. The reality is, a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence is definitely a turn off.
With bad boys being arrogant and cocky by nature, they display what seems to be great self-confidence when in actuality they’re just arrogant. What’s actually pulling you in is not the bad boy’s true confidence, it’s his boastful, cocky, and arrogant nature.
In this respect, your attraction to bad boys is purely based on mis-perceiving their arrogance for confidence.
Ready To Let Go Of The Bad Boy?
When you consider all of this, it makes perfect sense that you might want to date a bad boy. But, now that you know why you may have been attracted to bad boys, will you continue to date them?
Knowing the basis of your attraction to certain types of man is the starting point for change, but you first have to want the change yourself if you’re going to do anything differently.
So, are you ready to stop dating bad boys?
Till Next Time,
We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last.” But if you read my post Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and it’s not because they aren’t bad boys), you understand that nice guys have more control over whether they finish last than they realize. To help further this, I want to discuss 6 important dating tips for nice guys who don’t want to finish last:
1. Resist The Clinging Impulse
We definitely can’t ignore the fact that some nice guys have a tendency to come off as needy or clingy and if you’re a nice guy doing this, you really have to scale this back. When you meet a woman, your initial communications are crucial and it’s important that you don’t overwhelm or suffocate a new love interest.
If you’re not sure whether you’re giving women the needy vibe, check out my post 8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy. Although you may have good intentions at heart, many women are not attracted to men who are needy, clingy, or need an overwhelming amount of attention.
If you send a woman a text message, don’t send 4 or 5 more texts back to back before getting a response from the first one. Or maybe you’re guilty of getting off the phone with a woman and then immediately texting her to continue the conversation. Calling a woman a second time in the same day when she hasn’t returned your first call is another great way to get boxed into the clingy category.
The harsh reality is that if you don’t immediately get a response from your text or call, you have to exercise patience and just wait for a response. If you never get one, don’t send a flurry of texts or blow up her cell.
You have to take the situation for what it is, she’s just not that into you. And that’s okay because every woman isn’t going to be right for you and a woman’s disinterest gives you the freedom and ability to find that woman who is right for you. Take it as a blessing that you don’t have to spend weeks and months dating a woman who isn’t going to be around long-term and only feels lukewarm about you at best.
Which brings me to my next tip…
2. Let Feelings Develop Naturally
It’s important that you avoid being needy or clingy so that things can develop naturally over time. I know some men will say that holding themselves back isn’t authentic and that they should be able to fully be themselves with a woman. But, no one is asking you not to be yourself. I’m just saying that you can’t try to latch onto someone too quickly.
You have to take your time because you can’t force a woman to fall in love with you by suffocating her.
3. Women Need Time To Reflect
Most women need space and time to reflect and think about, and even fantasize about, the person they’re dating. They need to think about the conversations you’ve had, the moments you’ve enjoyed together on dates, and other things.
The act of thinking about you is where the feelings and emotions start to develop. But, if you don’t give a woman some space and time to let yourself pop into her head naturally, she’s not going to fall for you the way you want her to.
You want a woman to want to hear your voice, but if she’s hearing your voice several times a day right after she meets you, she’s probably not going to get to that point. So it’s really important that you allow there to be space for the feelings to grow and develop.
And, I hope you nice guys can see that slowing down and pacing yourself when you’re dating or trying to date a woman has nothing to do with not being yourself.
4. Build Your Confidence
For some nice guys it’s their lack of self-confidence that keeps them from getting women. It’s not just you men that like to date confident people. Women like confident men too. And, just like guys can spot insecurity in women, women can spot insecurity in men as well.
The reality is, a lack of self-confidence is a turn off. So you have to work through your insecurities and build up your self-confidence so that you can be more attractive to women.
This is how it works for many of us women– You could have a man that’s a 7, but his personality and confidence brings him up to a 10. So, once you build your confidence, you’ll actually feel more comfortable letting your full personality shine through and you’ll ultimately be more attractive to women in the long run.
5. Never Lead With Your Financial Foot
Some nice guys are guilty of using their financial resources to win a woman over or make her fall in love with him. However, leading with your financial foot will only draw the wrong kind of women into your life.
If you feel like you have to shower a woman with gifts and throw your money around for her to like you, then she’s really not the right woman for you and she’ll probably only stick around for as long as you continue to throw that money around.
6. Be Mindful Of The Women You Chase
To their detriment, some nice guys have a habit of chasing after women who like the “bad boys.” Unfortunately, in the end, with this type of woman, you’re going to lose every time. You will surely get your heart broken in your efforts to show this kind of woman a real, amazing, and healthy love.
Women who love bad boys have to mature and get to a certain mental state before they can walk away from their bad boy loving lifestyle. Picking an evolved, mature, self-confident (not arrogant) woman is how nice guys can finish first! This is the kind of woman who will always appreciate you for who you are and never take you for granted.
So, instead of trying to convert this woman into a nice guy loving dater, look for the woman who has already evolved past the point of being interested in a bad boy. This is the woman who will appreciate you, love you, and never take you for granted. This is where you will flourish!
Till Next Time,
What’s sexy to one person may not necessarily be sexy to another person. Some women find beards attractive while others don’t. When you think of a sexy man, what comes to mind? Is it a man in a fitted suit? A rugged outdoorsy type in a plaid shirt and jeans? Or is it something different altogether?
For some, sexy is exuded through personality while for others it can be a combination of appearance and personality.
It’s always good to understand the type of man you’re attracted to and what sexy means to you, especially if your type is the “bad boy.” And, we all know what that looks like!
So, what does sexy mean to you? How do you define it? Let me know in the comments below!
Till Next Time,
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I met this great man and we immediately hit it off. We talked for almost an hour before exchanging numbers. During that conversation he mentioned that he had been divorced for years and didn’t want to get married again, but I was okay with that because I’m not sure that I really want to get married either. I just know I want a great life companion.
Cut to 2 days later. He calls me and we talk for a couple of minutes before he says, “Well, I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing while I was driving home from work… You know, since I can’t text and drive.”
This gave me a funny feeling because it felt like he was implying that he couldn’t talk once he got home, which then made me think that he had a girlfriend at home. So, I mustered up the courage and asked, “are you single??” My heart sank when he said, “No, but I’m not married so technically I am single.”
Then he said, “I wanted to be upfront and honest with you about that because you seem like a good person.” Disgusted, I ended the conversation saying thanks for being honest, but I have to go. Just when I think I’ve met a great man, he turns out to have a girlfriend! It’s very frustrating! So, my question to you Dee is:
Do I really have to ask every man I go out with whether he is single or not? I feel like this guy would have dated me until he got caught if I never asked…
I just want to start by saying I’m sorry that you felt you had a great connection with a man who turned out to be in a relationship. You definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up over this.
While he should have been honest about the fact that he had a girlfriend, as a single woman it’s not a bad idea to ask the men you go out with if they’re single or not. Although some men will still lie in order to cheat on their girlfriends, not asking may produce more situations like these.
Trust Your Gut Instincts
Now, if you’re a great judge of character and can easily spot inconsistencies that quickly let you know a man is dating another woman, you may not need to ask this question (and that does seem to be the case with you since you sniffed this guy out pretty quickly).
I think the most important thing to take away from this situation is that you should always trust your gut instincts. Here, your gut said something wasn’t right because a man should want to talk to you in his home, not rush you off the phone before he gets there.
This feeling of something being off is what you always want to pay attention to because ignoring it can easily lead to you getting your heart broken. So, while you may encounter some dishonesty on your quest to finding real love, don’t make it any easier for men to deceive you by avoiding questions you feel inclined to ask.
Was He REALLY A Great Man?
Also, you call this guy a “great man,” but how is he great? Just because you felt like you “clicked” with him doesn’t negate the fact that this is a deceptive person. For all you know, he was putting on an act from the moment you met him in order to win you over and cheat on his girlfriend.
Don’t make yourself feel worse about this situation by wrongly classifying this man as a great person you connected with.
All in all, you did the right thing. By paying attention to your gut, identifying a serious red flag, and addressing it immediately, you ultimately prevented yourself from falling head over heels for a cheating philanderer.
Always trust your gut instincts because they’ll never lead you in the wrong direction!
How many times has a guy asked you for your phone number, but then never actually call you? Like many other women, you probably wonder why a man would go out of his way to get your number if he has no intentions of ever using it.
Well, some men may only be getting your number to see if you would actually give it to them or to see if they still “got it.” But the truth is, if a man gets your phone number and never calls you, he just wasn’t that interested in you.
If you mutually exchanged numbers with the guy that doesn’t call, there’s usually a strong temptation to call the guy yourself. You make up excuses for him like, maybe he got a new phone and lost my phone number or maybe he’s not sure if I’m interested and wants to see if I’ll call him. Whatever excuses you tell yourself so that you can make that phone call are only hurting you because it prolongs the inevitable, you never seeing or hearing from this guy again.
If he wasn’t interested enough to actually call you, there is nothing you can say to this man on the phone that is going to all of a sudden conjure up feelings for you. You have to be able to take a situation for what it is, if he’s not calling you, he’s not feeling you! Don’t prolong the inevitable by calling the guy who doesn’t feel like calling you. Your time and energy would be better spent on anything else!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
First dates are crucial and if they don’t go well you’re pretty much guaranteed to never see your date again. So, here are 10 important first date tips that will increase your chances of landing a second date:
You should always put effort into how you look for your dates. Don’t show up like you just rolled out of bed and couldn’t even brush your hair. Look like someone you would want to date. Remember, you’re supposed to be putting your best foot forward on your first dates and you’re not doing that if you look like something the cat dragged in.
Check out my article 6 Must Dos Before A Date for more tips on getting yourself together before a date. If you have trouble finding the right first date outfit, check out my article Are You Picking The Wrong First Date Outfits?
Never treat your dates like interviews. You should be getting to know your date through engaging, mutual conversation and not a drawn out Q and A session. You want your date to feel comfortable, not scrutinized and judged so you have to fight the urge to interview your date.
Talking about an ex or exes on first dates is a huge mood killer and it reduces your ability to make a great connection with the person you’re with. You also don’t want your date to get the impression that you aren’t over your ex. You should be focused on enjoying the company of your date, not sharing your love war stories or the trials and tribulations of dating.
In order to increase your chances of making a great connection on a date, you have to avoid sensitive topics like religion and politics. The time will come to have these conversations, but your first few dates with a man is not it.
Talking about your problems or flaws on a first date is a huge downer! Not to mention the fact that you will most likely make your date feel uncomfortable. Your dates should be light-hearted and fun, not dark and awkward. Your date is not there to fix your problems, but he can make you feel better without you having to address them if you allow him to show you a good time.
Dates are supposed to be fun and enjoyable, but just like with talking about your problems, telling sad stories will bring down the mood and make your date feel uncomfortable.
You shouldn’t drink heavily on first dates, if at all. Having more than 1-2 drinks on your first date can cause more problems than you realize. My article 4 Problems with Drinking on First Dates explains why.
Many people don’t realize how important it is to smile. Smiles are inviting and they can actually disarm people and get them to open up to you much more. You want your date to let down his guard and feel relaxed with you, smiling will help accomplish this.
Body language communicates more than we know. If you have your arms crossed, for example, your date might feel like your closed off and not interested in him. Sitting with your arms crossed puts up a barrier and makes it more difficult to connect with your date and have a good time. In fact, you’re definitely not having a good time if your arms are crossed. So, loosen up, uncross those arms, and really interact with your date.
For more tips on improving your body language on dates, check out my article 5 Tips For Better Dating Body Language.
The most important thing you need to do on your dates is enjoy yourself. If you’re interested in getting married one day, then you want a boyfriend that you can enjoy life with and your first date is your opportunity to see whether this is possible. Forget all your lists, forget what his future goals are, and just see if your date is a man whose company you enjoy.
Check out my article Increase Your Chances of Making a Connection to see how you can improve the connections you make on dates.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
It’s not always easy to tell if the guy you’re dating is really interested in you. And often times, we tend to focus on the wrong things in determining a man’s level of interest. For example, you might focus on the fact that a man says he’s interested in you even though his actions scream he’s not interested at all.
So, get some clarity on what interest really looks like and check out my article 10 Signs A Guy Is Really Into You. I am honored to have written this article for Claudia Cox of Text Weapon and I’m sure you’ll enjoy this read!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
When you create a profile on an online dating website, you hope that you’ll get lots of messages and meet your perfect match.
But, what many people don’t realize when they create their online dating profiles is that your profile pictures are the most important aspect of your dating profile.
Online Dating Increases Superficiality
There’s something about online dating that enables and even pushes people to use it in a superficial way.
Perhaps it’s the structure of having pages that show tons of profiles with a quick synopsis consisting of just a picture, location, and tagline, that promotes the behavior of picking dates or determining interest based on pictures alone.
While there shouldn’t be such a strong emphasis on profile pictures, the reality is, most people pick online dates based solely on profile pictures.
Many people won’t take the time to read your entire profile, but they will definitely go through all of your pictures. Well, that’s if your main profile picture has caught their attention in the first place.
Although you don’t want to date someone who picks dates based on looks alone, the sad truth is, even good people fall victim to the online dating photo shopping mentality.
So, considering how important it is to have great profile pictures in order to drive attention to your online dating profile, I want to give you 5 great tips for your dating profile pics!
1. No Blurry Pictures
This is pretty self explanatory, but you should never put blurry pictures of yourself on your online dating profile or you might as well hide your face altogether.
Your pictures are supposed to let people know what you look like.
But, when you put blurry pictures on your profile it can be deceiving or give someone the impression that you have something to hide. Be honest and show who you really are.
2. No Pictures of Pictures
Profile pictures are supposed to show the best you. But, even if the best picture of you only exists in hard copy and there’s no digital version, you still CANNOT take a picture of that picture.
Let’s be honest too, if your best picture is only in the form of a hard copy and there’s no digital copy as well, the picture is way too old to be used on your dating profile.
With the advancements of technology, there’s no reason why you should have to take a picture of a printed photo.
3. No Pictures With People of The Opposite Sex
You should never use pictures of yourself with someone of the opposite sex because you can give people the wrong impression about the relationship you have with that person.
I know many women that have later found out that the woman in a picture with their online date was actually the man’s wife or girlfriend. And, these experiences lead women to mistrust and write off other men who have women in their profile pictures.
Even if the person in your picture is truthfully just a friend, you don’t want to give prospective matches the opportunity to make a snap judgment about who you’re with in your pictures and move on to the next profile.
Don’t give anyone the chance to fill in the blanks about the relationships you have with people in your pictures.
4. No Less Than 3 Pictures on Your Profile, But No More than 5
Your online dating profile pictures should consist of 1 or 2 head shots, 1 or 2 full body shots, and an optional activity photo that shows you doing an activity or hobby you enjoy.
You want to give a little variety in your pictures to give someone a better sense of what you actually look like. When you only use one picture or a few pictures that show you from the same exact angle, you’re not allowing a person to know what you really look like.
We all know that sometimes a person’s “best angle” isn’t necessarily a good reflection of how the person normally looks!
5. Your Pictures Cannot Be More Than A Year Old
This is a pretty straight forward tip, you know why you shouldn’t use old pictures on your dating profile. Your profile is supposed to show people what you currently look like, not what you looked like in your best years or at your lowest weight.
There is an exception to this rule though… If you’re one of those people who always looks the same and doesn’t really age, you can use an older picture of yourself as long as you look the same exact way today.
If you have pictures that are less than a year old but you’ve changed your look, then you need to take new pictures for your profile. So, if you’ve change your hair, lost a lot of weight, or gained a lot of weight, you need to take new photos and update your profile pictures!
Need More Help With Your Dating Profile Pictures?
While you don’t need to use a professional photographer to take your pictures for your online dating profile, you can use an online dating photographer who will take natural pictures that will capture your true and realistic beauty.
If you live in the UK and you’re interested in taking pictures with an online dating photographer, check out this Facebook page: Saturday Night’s Alright.
If you live in the US and would like referrals for online dating photographers, email me at Dee@DeesDatingDiary.com.
Don’t forget, I’ve dedicated the month of October to online dating, so stay tuned for more great online dating tips to come!!
Till Next Time,
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The question of whether men and women can just be friends is one that regularly comes up in conversations and opinions vary drastically on this topic.
Can MEN Just Be Friends With Women?
No! Men cannot just be friends with women. If a man starts being friends with a woman, most likely it’s because he hopes to have a sexual relationship down the line.
Men are not like women. They don’t meet a woman and think, “Hey! This is someone I can become good friends with!” When a man meets a women, friendship is not on his mind!
While women can easily meet men and think, “Hey, I don’t see myself with this guy, but we could definitely be friends,” men don’t think this way.
If a man isn’t interested in dating you, most likely, he isn’t going to start including you in his rotation of friends.
He May “Act” Like A Friend
Some men can put on a great act like they aren’t interested in sex at all and only want a friendship. But, if you decide you want to sleep with him, I bet you he won’t turn you down!
Although a woman may genuinely intend to have a platonic friendship with a man, a man’s mind is not in the same place!
A man’s ability to maintain a platonic friendship with a woman depends on two things: his character and how the woman feels about him. I’ll explain below…
Can WOMEN Just Be Friends With Men?
It depends! Truthfully, there is only one scenario where a woman can just be friends with a man. This can only happen when the woman is not at all attracted to the man and is not interested in dating him.
When a woman isn’t attracted to a man and doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with him, she can easily maintain a platonic friendship with him.
So, a man can only maintain a platonic friendship with a woman if the woman does not want him at all. This is the only way!
He Won’t Turn You Down
The truth is, if a woman makes an advance on a man nine times out of ten, he isn’t going to turn her down. So, if a woman is attracted to the man she is friends with, then their platonic relationship is likely to lose the “platonic” real quick!
If a woman definitely doesn’t want the man she is friends with, she:
1. Won’t make any moves on him; and
2. She’s likely to turn down his… unless she’s in a really low place..
Therefore, the only way a platonic friendship between a man and a woman can be maintained is if the woman is not attracted to the man and doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him.
It Also Depends On His Character
Although the woman can’t be attracted to her male friend for a platonic friendship to work, the male friend also has to be mature and respectful in order to accept and maintain that platonic friendship.
A woman can be as uninterested in her male friend as she wants to be, but if he isn’t respectful enough to not make advances on her and respect her decision to NOT hook up with him, then a friendship in this situation wouldn’t last long either.
A male friend has to be mature enough to respect your decision not to be with him. If he can’t, then it’ll be a matter of time before the woman stops calling him to hang out.
Keep Your Hands To Yourself!?
It’s never fun being around a man that can’t keep his hands and lips to himself, especially when you just want to be friends with him!
However, there is a chance that a woman could reciprocate and help plant the seed to sprouting a friends with benefits situation, but that’s another topic altogether!
But, what’s your opinion? Do you think men and women can maintain platonic friendships? If so, under what circumstances? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below!!
Till Next Time,
Too Much Information Too Soon
Too Much Information Too Soon (“TMITS”) can quickly kill a potential relationship or budding romance! It’s actually a red flag for some people.
TMITS can easily scare a man off! Have you ever been standing in line somewhere and the person next to you tells you their whole life story?
Well, did you all of sudden feel really close and connected to that person, or did you feel weirded out and anxious for the line to speed up so you could get out of there?
Of course, in these situations you feel more uncomfortable than closer to a person. And, that’s what it’s like with dating too!
If you tell a man too much information too soon before he gets a chance to enjoy your fun, light-hearted side, you can freak him out and make him weary of getting closer to you and your readily apparent issues!
Courtship Is A Process
Courtship and dating is really a process. You can’t rush the process by sharing too much information too soon in an effort to force a deeper connection than there really is.
You have to let things happen naturally and in its own time. Trying to speed up the process and rush a relationship really isn’t wise.
When someone gets to know you, it’s supposed to happen over time, not overnight.
When you first meet and start dating a man, it shouldn’t be about sharing all your hardships or trials and tribulations. It’s supposed to be about seeing if you can enjoy your time with this person and get along well.
Never have a negative dish session about yourself and don’t give too much information on dates 1-5, at least.
Leave the deeper and more touchy subjects for when you’ve at least been on several dates. Dates one through five need to be all about enjoying each other’s company and learning those superficial things first, for instance, siblings, hobbies, likes, etc.
Conversations You Shouldn’t Have On Dates 1-5
1. Insecurities/Self-Esteem Issues
2. Past Relationships
4. Death of Loved Ones
7. Things You Hate/Despise (You don’t want to come off as Negative-Nancy! No one likes a downer!)
8. Other serious or uncomfortable topics
Keep It Light
Stick to light-hearted topics on the first few dates.
If someone gives you all of themselves right there on the first dates, it’s A LOT to swallow and you may make some bad judgment calls about the person and whether a relationship would work. And, this is because they’ve given you too much to get past.
You may perceive them as having more negative characteristics or traits than you would want your partner to have, but because the person gave you too much information too soon, it disillusioned you about this person as a whole.
Someone can have a normal amount faults, but because they wore them on their sleeves, they gave off the impression that they were all flaws and nothing more.
Let Him Start Liking You
You should let a man get to know your great, positive side and like that about you before you start telling him all the negative things about yourself.
No person or relationship is perfect, but it’s seeing the good in someone and loving them for who they are that allows you to look past certain flaws.
You have to let a person start liking you before you get into some touchy or negative areas about yourself. People are more likely to overlook and accept flaws once they like someone.
However, very few people will overlook flaws in someone they barely know. Instead, they’d rather find someone who they think doesn’t have many problems, if any. But, remember, many people are good about revealing things slowly over time, men certainly are! So, why lose out to someone else who is better at taking things slowly?
Don’t ex yourself out of the game!!
The benefit of revealing information about yourself slowly is that these things won’t likely be a deal breaker down the line since the person will have grown fond of you.
Exception to the Rule
Now, there are some situations when sharing too much information too soon won’t actually scare a man off, but this doesn’t mean that you should continue to share TMITS.
There’s a small, special breed of men that like women with issues or problems. This is because this man wants to take the woman under his wing, dominate her, fix her up, and make her into the woman he wants for himself.
These are the so-called “Svengali” types. With this kind of man, too much too soon might get you more attention than you thought.
However, it’s not positive attention. This man will never cherish you for who you are. Instead, he will constantly criticize you and tell you all the different things you need to change about yourself.
He doesn’t actually want YOU, he wants to mold you into a different person he will be happy with. And, in turn, you will never be happy in this relationship.
You Won’t Be Happy With A Svengali
Ya, sure, maybe in the beginning you’ll love all the extra attention and the clothes he buys for your new wardrobe, which fits the image he wants, of course.
But, after awhile of someone beating you down about who you are and trying to change everything about you, you’ll more so resent the man rather than feeling genuine love for him.
Eventually, you’ll fall out of love or fail to fall in love in the first place.
Even if you do allow a man to get to know you slowly over time, you still need to avoid a man who wants to “fix you up” and change everything about you.
You deserve a man that will appreciate and love you for the person that you are! If a man can’t, then he’s just not deserving of you!
Be Kind To Yourself And Others Will Too
If you’re kind to yourself, others will treat you the same. There’s always an exception to every rule, but for the most part, if you treat yourself with respect you’ll see that less people will disrespect you.
Treating yourself well and being kind to yourself also means not letting anyone else treat you poorly. Set standards for yourself and don’t change yourself into a different woman for a man, if it’s not change for the good.
I have to make a distinction between unnecessary changes a Svengali type would want you to make and necessary positive changes that promote a healthy relationship and a healthy you!
Till Next Time,
Ladies, how many times have you been hit on by a man in public and thought to yourself, “I can’t believe this unkempt sweatpants-wearing man has the nerve to hit on me!!”
Have you been approached by men in a wife beater and sweatpants and wondered why he thought he could get your phone number?
We’ve all been here before. But, the most important question is, what am I doing, wearing, or putting out there to attract these kind of men?
Always remember, you attract what you put out there!
You Attract What You Reflect
If you leave your house in sweatpants and a wife beater, don’t be mad when a man in sweats and a wife beater hits on YOU!
You can’t expect that you’ll attract a businessman in a suit when you’re wearing sweatpants.
The next time you’re picking an outfit to wear out, whether for a date or otherwise, ask yourself, “would the type of man I want to date go for a woman dressed like this?”
If you wear clothes that show a lot of breasts and skin, you will definitely get attention from men, but it won’t be the kind of attention that you want.
Most men will go after a woman that is dressed like she’s “easy,” however, he’s going after her for sex and nothing more. He won’t be interested in developing a long term relationship with someone he only sees as a late night creep option.
The Skin Rule
When getting dressed, always remember that you can only show ONE of the following, if any:
Avoid Being Labeled “Just Sex”
You can only show off one of these assets at a time if you are going to show off anything at all. If you show both breasts and legs, for example, you will come off as extremely “sexified.”
Even if you think you’ve shown more than one area of skin tastefully, rethink your choices because you’re probably still attracting negative male attention.
On the first few dates, be more on the conservative side in your dress. Better that he think you’re more reserved than you really are than to think you’re just good for sex.
At the end of the day, there’s NO BOUNCING BACK once a man places you in the “just sex” category. Once a man labels you as a sex object, that’s all you’ll ever be!
Yes, there are exceptions to the rule that once a man see’s you as sex, that’s all you’ll ever be. But, exceptions are rare and we can’t all be exceptions to the rule! 😉
Get The Respect You Deserve
Many men already think that women are just sex objects to be used and discarded, so this means that we have to try even harder to not get labeled as such.
While some men may never respect women, there are plenty of men that will show you the respect you deserve, as long as you are showing yourself that same respect FIRST!
Start dressing for what you want the universe to bring you. The clothes that you wear say a lot about who you are! Control the image and perception you are putting out there about yourself.
Be cognizant and aware of the outfits that you are choosing to wear and how you are carrying yourself. Whether you’re going to work, a date, or out with friends, you need to pick your attire cautiously.
If you want to continue dressing freely, that’s fine, but don’t be upset when you get a lot of unwanted attention from sleazy men!
What Does Your Wardrobe Say About You?
It’s honestly true that you attract what you reflect. At the same time, if you have serious self-esteem issues and they come out in the way you dress and the way you carry yourself, men WILL notice this!!
Actually, men easily pick up on the fact that a woman is insecure or lacks self-confidence.
So, if you walk down the street with your shoulders hunched over and your head hanging low, you could give off a vibe that says, “Hey! I have no self-esteem or confidence so any men who want to take advantage of me or control me are welcome!”
Don’t get me wrong, every once in a while you will still have some unwanted stragglers hit on you, but there won’t be nearly as many when you’re dressing appropriately and carrying yourself respectfully.
Start Being Mindful Of How You Carry Yourself
Don’t wear clothes that you are uncomfortable in. When you wear clothes you aren’t comfortable in, you fidget and constantly adjust your clothes. Doing this actually draws more attention to the areas that you’re insecure about.
The truth is, when you aren’t comfortable in your clothes, you can’t be confident in what you do whether it’s being on a date, in the boardroom, or even in front of a camera.
Don’t let your clothes take away your self-confidence!
If you’re constantly focused on adjusting your clothes or how you’re sitting, you can’t be focused on the conversation you’re having. You won’t be “in the moment.”
This isn’t a good thing. People can tell when you’re not giving them your full attention and that’s not an exciting conversation to be in.
Being Comfortable Empowers You!
Honestly, when you’re comfortable, you can be yourself and you can enjoy the company you’re with or the activity you’re doing.
Being comfortable equals being confident. But, being uncomfortable can bring out several bad traits such as pessimism, unwillingness to participate in certain activities, and many other negative attributes.
You’ll EMPOWER YOURSELF by being comfortable! So, wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and in control!
Let a man get to know you for who you really are and not for your insecurities.
If you’ve gained weight and you’re reluctant to buy clothes one or two sizes bigger, you’re really only doing yourself a disservice because while you’re pulling your shirt down and pulling your pants up, you’re letting someone know that your insecure and unhappy with yourself.
But, I want to hear your thoughts on this topic! Leave your thoughts and comments below!! Thanks for reading!
Till Next Time,