More and more men seem to think it is okay to ask women out on a date with less than 30 minutes notice!
While I don’t agree with this, obviously there are enough women accepting these last minute dates or hang outs that men now feel comfortable and confident in doing this.
You Don’t KNOW Him
A man shouldn’t feel comfortable inviting himself to your place at the last minute.
Texting, “Hey, I’m in your neighborhood, can I come by” is not cool! Why didn’t he ask you if you wanted to hang out any earlier??
Well, it’s because he never planned on hanging out with you that night in the first place. If a man likes a woman and he actually wants to see her, he will try lock her down for a date long before the night of the date itself.
Truthfully, why on earth should a man that barely knows you feel confident enough to call you at 8pm on a Friday night to see you in an hour? It’s disrespectful in my opinion. I could have other plans or just be enjoying a night to myself.
If a man is calling or texting you at night to see you that night, this should be a huge red flag to you!!
Disclaimer: This definitely doesn’t apply once you’ve been dating for awhile or are exclusive with each other. This only applies to the beginning stages of dating.
Time to Primp & Pamper
Why aren’t you worth him putting some forethought into asking you out? Why don’t you deserve the respect of having, at a minimum, 24 hours notice before a date?
You deserve to have time to take a shower, make your hair look fabulous, pick the perfect outfit, and do your make up flawlessly! Every woman should be able to primp and pamper herself to the extent that she likes before any date.
You deserve a man that wants to plan out a date more than just a few hours in advance. Of course, once you’ve been on several dates spontaneity will be a great thing!
But, first, he has to show you that he does have respect for you in every sense of the word. And this includes, understanding that your personal free time is precious and that other people want it too.
Remember, your time is valuable regardless of whether you are spending it watching Housewives, hiking up a mountain, or simply blogging. And, he needs to know that as well.
A man will respect you more if you set boundaries for yourself. If you act like you can be walked all over and used like a rag doll, you will be. Show a man that he needs to treat you with respect if you aren’t getting it from the start.
If a man calls or texts you at the last minute and actually gets to see you, he will think you are easy and definitely won’t put any more effort into getting to know you, let alone give you much more notice for future dates.
He surely won’t respect you.
Last Minute = Last Choice
Most of the time, if a man is trying to see you at the last minute, you were his last option.
I know every woman in this world wants a man that looks at her like his first, most preferable option. No woman wants to be a man’s back up or last resort!
If you can’t be honest enough with yourself to admit that, then you definitely are not ready to change those things that may be holding you back in your dating life.
Yesterday, I had a male guest on my podcast and when we discussed last minute dates, he said something that really resonated with me. He said, “Last minute equals last choice!” This is straight from the horses mouth ladies!
Don’t Answer Your Phone on Friday and Saturday Nights
Obviously, if you’re getting a call or text on Friday or Saturday night you weren’t nearly at the top of a man’s mind.
If you just recently met, a man doesn’t actually KNOW you and should think you are busy having fun with friends or whoever on your weekend.
Even if you aren’t out with friends or on dates, maybe you’re busy with hobbies, elevating your career, blogging, or podcasting!
Either way, don’t answer his call or respond to his text. Why? Because you’re out living your life, hanging out with your friends, or just enjoying your “me time.”
By doing this and not accepting last minute dates, you will let him know that if he wants to see you he will actually have to ask to see you in advance.
No one wants to be that girl that all the guys know will answer her phone at 10pm on a Friday or Saturday night.
Return His Call or Text Later
Please don’t think I’m asking you to ignore a man’s communication altogether, I’m not saying that.
You can return his call or text hours later or the next morning and let him know you were out or busy. Keep it vague, you barely know this guy and he doesn’t need to know your every last movement despite your yearning to tell him.
For those who may see this as lying or being dishonest, I think you should really be looking at it more as holding yourself back and not giving yourself wholly and completely to someone upfront. Take time to let someone get to know you.
The Rules Book
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors of The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing The Heart of Mr. Right, say that you should never accept a date for Friday or Saturday night after Wednesday.
I like this rule, but, I tweaked it. I believe that you can accept a weekend date if you’re asked by Thursday, but it depends on how much genuine interest the man has shown.
If you feel like he’s a good guy and is showing real interest in you, you can accept a weekend date if he asks on Thursday.
However, if you’re already getting the feeling that this guy might be a player or he’s “running game on you,” don’t make exceptions to this rule.
How It Works
Most of the time, by the second or third time you turn a man down for a last minute date, he will start asking you out in advance!
For the men that don’t… Well, they weren’t interested in anything serious in the first place and were just looking for some easy play.
And to these men, wish them adieu because that’s not what you’re looking for and they were never going to give you the respect you deserved anyway!
You Want More?
To hear the full discussion on this topic and hear the male perspective for yourself, check out my podcast! It’s Dee’s Dating Diary Podcast or download the episode here: Download episode
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
I’ve used this rule with success. Great blog post as usual.
Thanks! I’m glad I’m not the only one out here doing this!
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Definitely agree with this.
Thanks! Hopefully, my blog will help spread the word! I appreciate your feedback as always!
Great post. Never, never, never ever agree to a last minute date. It makes you seem too available and therefore of not much value. Play it cool and suggest another day, but only suggest two days more than a week away. If he doesn’t accept either OR cancels that date, then ditch and move on – you are worth more than him and deserve better.
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Thank you so much for your feedback!! I love hearing from men and I’m glad you’ve added some great points with your response. Thanks again and I look forward to hearing more from you!
I think most of this makes a lot of sense, but like all rules, sometimes they can be bent or broken. I guy asked me out last Friday night, I was out to dinner with friends but ended up meeting him after and we danced till 3am, it was fun!
You could be flexible, or bend rules, for the right person! The harder part will be figuring out who’s worthy of your rule breaking. According to “Me and Dating” though, it sounds like we shouldn’t be very flexible about last minutes dates at all.
Thanks for commenting and I look forward to hearing more from you!
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It was only last Friday we went out and I saw him again Sunday then I’ve been away a lot of the week so it’s hard to say how it’s going. I live near the beach and I’ve had a few guys say, “hey I’m heading down the beach, want to come?” And Ill often wander down and meet them. I do get what you are saying but I think at the end of the day the heart wants what the heart wants and that lady that wrote The Rules is divorced! But you are right you shouldn’t be too available in the bringing, still,mi have no regrets about my 3am dancing!
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I had no idea one of the authors of the Rules Book is divorced now. Thanks for telling me, this is good to know! And again, thanks for your input, I love hearing other perspectives!
Every time I was too flexible with my schedule the guy wasn’t appreciative, he just took it for granted and continued to do things on his own time. As a someone who has falling victim to doormat syndrome, I can assure you, making it easy on men doesn’t make your relationship better.
Great point and well said Staci!! Thanks for taking the time to read my article and share your perspective!
I think it totally depends on the situation. If I am not in a relationship, I wouldn’t say okay to having a guy come by my house to hang out at night. I wouldn’t even respond to their messages at night. For me that has only meant one thing, the expectation of sex and I am not interested in casual sex.
I will say that it seems so many men these days want to make last minute plans that I will consider going on a date out (not a hang out at a house) if they ask in the morning and I am available. If they continue to wait to the last minute, we won’t really get anywhere because most people I know make plans a week in advance so there are lots of times I already have plans.
Everything is different when you are in a relationship. At that point both of you should be able to suggest spontaneous plans including hang outs.
You are definitely right about a man’s expectations when he wants to come over at night and you just started dating.
And, everything is different when you are in a relationship. After you have been on several dates, spontaneity is welcome and exciting! Thanks for taking the time to read my article and comment!!
“Fun” doesn’t get you married. “Discipline” does. The Rules’ book one author may be divorced, but the Rules are not about staying married. It is about GETTING MARRIED and she did just that so she lost no point whatsoever in my book. Yes, staying married may have been the implication of the book, but exceptions should be made as the author does not run 100% her marriage – she only has 50% of the votes, if that, since her ex-spouse could be a moron and decided to do things to ruin their relationship, his life – and effectively hers as well.
You don’t have control over others, and should not expect The Rules’ author to be able to control her former partner 100%. He’s not a robot.
You make a great point about The Rules book being about getting to marriage and not necessarily about how to maintain one. Thanks for taking the time to read my post and comment!