Dating With Daddy Issues

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There are some women who have a preference for dating older men while other women just “happen” into these relationships.

Majority of the time, women date older men that remind them of their fathers or who fulfill some fatherly role for them.

Although this happens more so with women who grew up without a father in their life, even women who did have a father growing up find themselves looking to an older man for certain qualities or support that a father would provide.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Older Men

The truth is, you shouldn’t be dating a man because he provides you with something you’re father never did or used to when he was alive.

Dating an older man can be tricky because sometimes you’ll find that older men play just as many games with your heart as younger men, except they’re much better at the game than any youngster out there!

Older men understand women much more and can easily use that to manipulate a younger woman’s mind and emotions.

You definitely need to understand whether your feelings for an older man are genuine or a by-product of missing or craving some fatherly like fulfillment in your life.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Aging Out”

When you date an older man you always have to worry about whether you’re going to “age out” of the relationship.

Meaning, you’ll constantly be stressing about whether you’re getting too old for your older man.He may just have a thing for younger women.

He may like the ease that comes with dating a younger, more naive person.

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Relationship Awareness

Just be cognizant of the reasons you and your older man want a relationship with each other.

Make sure it’s coming from a healthy place on BOTH sides!

Deal with your daddy issues and make sure you aren’t replacing your father with your boyfriend.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Choose Your Battles Wisely!

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.

There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.

For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Urge To Push

Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.

The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Effect of Constantly “Nagging”

Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.

Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.

While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.

If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Focus On One Issue 

Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.

If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”

But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.

You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.

Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.

Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Positive Reinforcement

After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.

Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.

Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.

You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.

Conclusion

Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.

So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.

You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband!

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.

Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.

Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Playing Wife Is A Temporary Comfort

While “playing house” and “playing wife” may make you feel happier about your relationship because you exhibit that close, committed relationship held by a husband and wife, you don’t have the comfort and security that a marriage provides.

While you’re doing so much for your boyfriend to the point that you resemble the role his wife would take on, you’ll be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly a man can leave the relationship without batting an eye.

And, after the relationship ends, will you not sit there thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done all that for him!” Or, “I cant believe he left me after everything I’ve done and given up for him!”

While these are legitimate questions, the real questions you need to ask yourself are, “Why did I treat this man like my husband?” “Why did I do so much for a man that wasn’t married to me?”

Instead of being the devoted wife in your next relationship, just be the girlfriend. And, know that this route will get you a ring quicker than if you act like there’s already a ring on your finger.

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Benefits of Marriage Don’t Apply to Relationships 

The root of some of your problems in dating may be the fact that you are going above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend.

The truth is, if a man wants ALL of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it.

While many men will propose to women who treated them like husbands from day one, it will take you a lot longer to get a ring out of a man if you’re giving him all the benefits of a marriage without any of the accompanying obligations and commitments.

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Marry The Woman When You Can Get The Wife For Free?

Do you remember that old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

Well, it’s true! This applies to dating and not just sex. What will inspire or encourage a man to marry you if he already has all the perks of marriage without any of it’s other obligations or “hassles?”

If a man wants more than plain old boyfriend treatment, he’s going to have to earn it and he needs to ask you to be his wife!

Think about it though, how are you going to feel if you treat your beau like he’s your husband and he breaks up with you or leaves you for another woman? Will you not regret doing too much for him?

Don’t get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should! At the end of the day, the only person who ever regrets doing this is the woman, not the man!

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Is Treating Your Boyfriend Like A Husband?

Well, there are many things that women do that reflects the role of a wife.

But, to give you an idea, it can include anything from playing house and regularly cleaning his place or doing his laundry to passing up great opportunities for the relationship.

The most significant aspect I’ve noticed women catering to men as husbands would be in their careers. For example, you could get a great job offer in another state, but choose to pass up on the opportunity to stay with your boyfriend.

I’ve seen too many women pass up on great career or business opportunities for men that had no intention of marrying them, let alone being together long-term.

As women, we can’t make decisions based on our boyfriend being in our lives and, if we do, it can really hold us back.

When it’s all said and done, no woman looks back and says, “You know, I’m glad I passed up that opportunity for him!” So, if you’re not married, you need to make decisions with only your own best interest at heart.

If a man is going to make a career or business decision, he does it, and without thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my girlfriend will be okay with this.” No, men do what they know is best for themselves and it’s time that women did the same!

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Until You’re Engaged, His Opinion Doesn’t Matter

If he’s not your husband, your opinion is the only one that matters.

I say this because 2-3 years down the line when you’re not with him, you too will think his opinion doesn’t matter. If he’s not going to be a part of your life permanently, then why would you make decisions based on him? Especially decisions that will have a lasting effect on your life.

If your boyfriend wants you to consider him when you’re making big decisions about your life, he needs to show you that he will always be a part of that life. And, he does this by asking you to marry him!

Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally. Don’t force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he doesn’t want to play husband, you definitely shouldn’t play wife!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Men can’t just be friends with women!

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The question of whether men and women can just be friends is one that regularly comes up in conversations and opinions vary drastically on this topic.

My answer to whether men and women can maintain platonic friendships is slightly more complex than the common answers. It’s two fold, from the male perspective and from the female perspective. It’s definitely worth reading!
Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Can MEN Just Be Friends With Women?

No! Men cannot just be friends with women. If a man starts being friends with a woman, most likely it’s because he hopes to have a sexual relationship down the line.

Men are not like women. They don’t meet a woman and think, “Hey! This is someone I can become good friends with!” When a man meets a women, friendship is not on his mind!

While women can easily meet men and think, “Hey, I don’t see myself with this guy, but we could definitely be friends,” men don’t think this way.

If a man isn’t interested in dating you, most likely, he isn’t going to start including you in his rotation of friends.

He May “Act” Like A Friend

Some men can put on a great act like they aren’t interested in sex at all and only want a friendship. But, if you decide you want to sleep with him, I bet you he won’t turn you down!

Although a woman may genuinely intend to have a platonic friendship with a man, a man’s mind is not in the same place!

A man’s ability to maintain a platonic friendship with a woman depends on two things: his character and how the woman feels about him. I’ll explain below…

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Can WOMEN Just Be Friends With Men?

It depends! Truthfully, there is only one scenario where a woman can just be friends with a man. This can only happen when the woman is not at all attracted to the man and is not interested in dating him.

When a woman isn’t attracted to a man and doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with him, she can easily maintain a platonic friendship with him.

So, a man can only maintain a platonic friendship with a woman if the woman does not want him at all. This is the only way!

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

He Won’t Turn You Down

The truth is, if a woman makes an advance on a man nine times out of ten, he isn’t going to turn her down. So, if a woman is attracted to the man she is friends with, then their platonic relationship is likely to lose the “platonic” real quick!

If a woman definitely doesn’t want the man she is friends with, she:

1. Won’t make any moves on him; and

2. She’s likely to turn down his… unless she’s in a really low place.. :/

Therefore, the only way a platonic friendship between a man and a woman can be maintained is if the woman is not attracted to the man and doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him.

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It Also Depends On His Character

Although the woman can’t be attracted to her male friend for a platonic friendship to work, the male friend also has to be mature and respectful in order to accept and maintain that platonic friendship.

A woman can be as uninterested in her male friend as she wants to be, but if he isn’t respectful enough to not make advances on her and respect her decision to NOT hook up with him, then a friendship in this situation wouldn’t last long either.

A male friend has to be mature enough to respect your decision not to be with him. If he can’t, then it’ll be a matter of time before the woman stops calling him to hang out.

Keep Your Hands To Yourself!?

It’s never fun being around a man that can’t keep his hands and lips to himself, especially when you just want to be friends with him!

However, there is a chance that a woman could reciprocate and help plant the seed to sprouting a friends with benefits situation, but that’s another topic altogether!

But, what’s your opinion? Do you think men and women can maintain platonic friendships? If so, under what circumstances? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

 

Let’s Talk About Sex…

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sex can be a very taboo topic for some, but it’s one that must be addressed!

Many women consider themselves “free-spirited” and are very comfortable talking about sex. On the other hand, there are women who understand the intimacy of sex and know it’s not something to engage in or speak of lightly.

For the women that are of the belief that sex is “no big deal,” now is the time to rethink your position.

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Stop Talking About Sex On Dates

A lot of women recognize that they shouldn’t sleep with men until they are in an exclusive relationship, but many of these women think that it’s okay to talk about sex on the first few dates with men.

The truth is, most of the time, talking about sex on the first few dates is just as good as having sex on the first few dates.

It’s hard enough to keep men from thinking about just having sex with you, so when you make sex a point of conversation, you automatically trigger that part of the man’s mind that associates you with sex.

So, even if you aren’t having sex with a man, when you talk about it too soon, you may be pushing him towards categorizing you as a woman to just have sex with.

And, once you’re categorized into that sex box, there’s rarely any coming back from that.

Benefits of NOT Talking About Sex

By refraining from having conversations about sex, you force a man to think about you outside of the sexual aspects.

You force the man to actually get to know YOU and see if there could be a potential relationship. And, isn’t this what we want?

You don’t want a man to start thinking of the different ways he can try to sleep with you. Keep his mind out of the gutter and force him to get to know the person in the panties! 🙂

Disclaimer: Even if your conversations about sex are general and don’t actually involve you and him having sex, you still need to steer clear of this conversation topic!

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sex

Sex is a very intimate act that should only happen between two people that are exclusively dating and trust each other.

Aside from the fact that Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are so prevalent, it’s important that you understand what your relationship with a man is before deciding to have sex.

A lot of times, women blindly jump into having sex with a man. They don’t know where they stand or how the man really feels about them and they don’t know if the man is having sex with other women.

When you have sex with a man without knowing that he wants to be in an exclusive relationship, you become anxious and nervous about where you stand in the man’s life.

How many times have you slept with a man then spent the next days or weeks stressing about whether the man still likes you, or wants to pursue a relationship, or whether he is still sleeping with other women?

Well, you won’t have to have these types of unnerving thoughts if you wait to have sex once you have both decided to be in an exclusive relationship.

And, if a man isn’t sure whether he wants to be in a relationship with you, then he is NOT deserving of your body!!

Why Wait To Have Sex?

There are 3 main reasons why you should wait a significant amount of time before having sex with a man:

1. You need to know where a man’s head is at and what his intentions with you are, is he lusting after you for sex or is he genuinely interested in getting to know you and pursuing a relationship and possibly marriage?

2. You don’t want to get categorized as easy and, therefore, not wife material; and

3. You need to give yourself enough time to evaluate whether this man is right for you!

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Be the Late Night Creep

If you wait until you are in a committed relationship to have sex, you will also weed out a lot of men that are only chasing after you for sex.

If a man’s interest and attention in you starts to dwindle before you’ve had sex with him, then you know where his interest truly lied and you can feel confident about moving on to other prospects without looking back!

No woman wants to be used for sex or be a man’s “late night creep.”

As much as “liberated” women say they don’t mind having casual relationships with men, when they find out that man is sleeping with other women, they never feel good about it.

Lying to Yourself Never Helps

You can lie to yourself all you want, but you never want the man your having sex with to have sex with other women.

Every woman wants to feel special and know that a man doesn’t want to sleep with any other woman, but when you have sex outside of a committed relationship, you don’t have this security.

When you sleep with a man without knowing what your relationship is, you essentially forfeit your right to say that you should be the only one he is sleeping with.

I actually had a woman tell me that she only wanted a casual relationship with a guy she was dating, so she was honest with him that she was dating other men. When he happily responded that it was cool and he would see other people too, she didn’t feel good about that.

You can only fool yourself for so long! You really don’t want the man you’re dating to sleep with other women.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Get Labeled As “Just Sex”

If you have sex with a man too soon, he will label you as “just sex” and there won’t be a potential for a relationship. Once you’re labeled as just a person to just have sex with, there really is no possibility of being considered relationship material by that man.

The woman a man wants to be in a relationship with does not easily give up her body. And, if you give up your body easily for him, he will think you do it for every man.

Even if you felt a crazy deep connection with a man and thought the feelings were mutual, if you sleep with him too soon, he’ll still think that’s how you are with every other man.

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But He Says He Doesn’t Judge

If a man tells you that he won’t judge you for sleeping with him early on, DON’T believe it! A lot of times, men will tell you what you need to hear to drop your panties. He doesn’t actually believe what he is selling you.

When you jump right into sex, you essentially tell a man you are okay having sex with him and not being in a committed relationship.

When you do this, a man won’t be any more motivated to get in an exclusive relationship with you because he already has the best of both worlds.

He gets to sleep with you and probably get treated like a boyfriend without ever having to commit to you AND he still gets to sleep with other women! A win win situation for him and a big lose for you!

Image courtesy of Marin/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Do You Know If He’s Right For You?

You definitely shouldn’t be having sex with a man that you don’t know well.

If you’re interested in being in a relationship and you have sex with a man too soon, you wouldn’t know whether this is the type of man you would want to be in a relationship with and you may regret having sex with him after the fact.

While you may think you know someone based on the superficial things you’ve learned about them, you really don’t start to see who people really are until months into dating.

Don’t shortchange yourself by having sex too soon just to discover that this isn’t the type of man you would want in your life.

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee!

The Last

This video is amazing!

Welcome to my world.

Awwwww this video is so cute… You should watch this if you are as romantic as I am! : ) – or if you’re a guy and you want to say the sweetest thing ever to the girl you love.

Seriously, when I watched this video, I had this huge smile on my face and sparkles in the eyes… I’m not kidding!

I want to meet a guy that will make my heart melt like the one in the video! I want to fall in love with “the good guy” who will be able to make me smile everyday, who will understand me, protect me, be there for me… I think every girl want to find a guy like that, right?

Yes… I am this kind of girl who is still waiting for the perfect prince charming ahah! I am sure he is somewhere in this world : ) – Don’t…

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