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Sex can be a very taboo topic for some, but it’s one that must be addressed!
Many women consider themselves “free-spirited” and are very comfortable talking about sex. On the other hand, there are women who understand the intimacy of sex and know it’s not something to engage in or speak of lightly.
For the women that are of the belief that sex is “no big deal,” now is the time to rethink your position.
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Stop Talking About Sex On Dates
A lot of women recognize that they shouldn’t sleep with men until they are in an exclusive relationship, but many of these women think that it’s okay to talk about sex on the first few dates with men.
The truth is, most of the time, talking about sex on the first few dates is just as good as having sex on the first few dates.
It’s hard enough to keep men from thinking about just having sex with you, so when you make sex a point of conversation, you automatically trigger that part of the man’s mind that associates you with sex.
So, even if you aren’t having sex with a man, when you talk about it too soon, you may be pushing him towards categorizing you as a woman to just have sex with.
And, once you’re categorized into that sex box, there’s rarely any coming back from that.
Benefits of NOT Talking About Sex
By refraining from having conversations about sex, you force a man to think about you outside of the sexual aspects.
You force the man to actually get to know YOU and see if there could be a potential relationship. And, isn’t this what we want?
You don’t want a man to start thinking of the different ways he can try to sleep with you. Keep his mind out of the gutter and force him to get to know the person in the panties! 🙂
Disclaimer: Even if your conversations about sex are general and don’t actually involve you and him having sex, you still need to steer clear of this conversation topic!
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Sex is a very intimate act that should only happen between two people that are exclusively dating and trust each other.
Aside from the fact that Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are so prevalent, it’s important that you understand what your relationship with a man is before deciding to have sex.
A lot of times, women blindly jump into having sex with a man. They don’t know where they stand or how the man really feels about them and they don’t know if the man is having sex with other women.
When you have sex with a man without knowing that he wants to be in an exclusive relationship, you become anxious and nervous about where you stand in the man’s life.
How many times have you slept with a man then spent the next days or weeks stressing about whether the man still likes you, or wants to pursue a relationship, or whether he is still sleeping with other women?
Well, you won’t have to have these types of unnerving thoughts if you wait to have sex once you have both decided to be in an exclusive relationship.
And, if a man isn’t sure whether he wants to be in a relationship with you, then he is NOT deserving of your body!!
Why Wait To Have Sex?
There are 3 main reasons why you should wait a significant amount of time before having sex with a man:
1. You need to know where a man’s head is at and what his intentions with you are, is he lusting after you for sex or is he genuinely interested in getting to know you and pursuing a relationship and possibly marriage?
2. You don’t want to get categorized as easy and, therefore, not wife material; and
3. You need to give yourself enough time to evaluate whether this man is right for you!
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Don’t Be the Late Night Creep
If you wait until you are in a committed relationship to have sex, you will also weed out a lot of men that are only chasing after you for sex.
If a man’s interest and attention in you starts to dwindle before you’ve had sex with him, then you know where his interest truly lied and you can feel confident about moving on to other prospects without looking back!
No woman wants to be used for sex or be a man’s “late night creep.”
As much as “liberated” women say they don’t mind having casual relationships with men, when they find out that man is sleeping with other women, they never feel good about it.
Lying to Yourself Never Helps
You can lie to yourself all you want, but you never want the man your having sex with to have sex with other women.
Every woman wants to feel special and know that a man doesn’t want to sleep with any other woman, but when you have sex outside of a committed relationship, you don’t have this security.
When you sleep with a man without knowing what your relationship is, you essentially forfeit your right to say that you should be the only one he is sleeping with.
I actually had a woman tell me that she only wanted a casual relationship with a guy she was dating, so she was honest with him that she was dating other men. When he happily responded that it was cool and he would see other people too, she didn’t feel good about that.
You can only fool yourself for so long! You really don’t want the man you’re dating to sleep with other women.
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Don’t Get Labeled As “Just Sex”
If you have sex with a man too soon, he will label you as “just sex” and there won’t be a potential for a relationship. Once you’re labeled as just a person to just have sex with, there really is no possibility of being considered relationship material by that man.
The woman a man wants to be in a relationship with does not easily give up her body. And, if you give up your body easily for him, he will think you do it for every man.
Even if you felt a crazy deep connection with a man and thought the feelings were mutual, if you sleep with him too soon, he’ll still think that’s how you are with every other man.
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But He Says He Doesn’t Judge
If a man tells you that he won’t judge you for sleeping with him early on, DON’T believe it! A lot of times, men will tell you what you need to hear to drop your panties. He doesn’t actually believe what he is selling you.
When you jump right into sex, you essentially tell a man you are okay having sex with him and not being in a committed relationship.
When you do this, a man won’t be any more motivated to get in an exclusive relationship with you because he already has the best of both worlds.
He gets to sleep with you and probably get treated like a boyfriend without ever having to commit to you AND he still gets to sleep with other women! A win win situation for him and a big lose for you!
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Do You Know If He’s Right For You?
You definitely shouldn’t be having sex with a man that you don’t know well.
If you’re interested in being in a relationship and you have sex with a man too soon, you wouldn’t know whether this is the type of man you would want to be in a relationship with and you may regret having sex with him after the fact.
While you may think you know someone based on the superficial things you’ve learned about them, you really don’t start to see who people really are until months into dating.
Don’t shortchange yourself by having sex too soon just to discover that this isn’t the type of man you would want in your life.
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For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,