Choose Your Battles Wisely!

Posted on May 10, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.

There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.

For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.

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The Urge To Push

Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.

The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.

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Effect of Constantly “Nagging”

Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.

Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.

While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.

If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!

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Focus On One Issue

Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.

If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”

But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.

You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.

Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.

Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.

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Positive Reinforcement

After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.

Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.

Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.

You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.

Conclusion

Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.

So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.

You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Your Self-Confidence Can’t Depend on Him!!

Posted on May 3, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Unfortunately, many women who are hurt by men start feeling like they aren’t as pretty or smart as they really are.

Why is it that women tend to base their self-esteem and self-confidence on how men treat them or feel about them?

The hardships women face in dealing with men, frequently force women to rethink the way they feel about themselves and this isn’t right!!

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Dating Problems Are Just That

The problems you experience in dating are just that, dating problems and nothing more. These problems shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself and your beauty!

When men have problems in their relationships, do you think they start questioning their self-worth?

Or do you think they take those problems for what they are and not let them turn into other self-esteem issues?

When you have problems in your dating life, you definitely need to do some deep thinking about what went wrong and how you may have contributed to those problems.

But, the last thing you need to start thinking is, “Am I not pretty enough? Skinny enough? Entertaining enough?”

You can’t let a man make you feel badly about those fundamental things about yourself. You felt beautiful when you first started dating him, right? So, why should you not feel beautiful when you stop dating him?

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His Games Shouldn’t Affect Your Self-Worth

Just because a man has chosen to play games with your heart or lead you on, doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great woman! A man’s issues shouldn’t lead you to have more issues of your own.

Take responsibility for the problems you caused or enabled in your relationships, but NEVER EVER think that you are any less of the smart, beautiful, caring woman that you were when he met you.

Your self-confidence should never be a reflection of how men feel about you!

Even if he cheats on you, you can’t start convincing yourself that you aren’t pretty.

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Maintain Your Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is just that, SELF–esteem. It’s YOU that determines it, not a man and certainly not the world.

You have to know your worth and maintain your self-confidence no matter what you go through with men.

Now, I know it’s much easier to say don’t let men’s bad behavior affect your self-esteem than actually living it.

But, the truth is, you’re giving men way too much control over your emotional well-being and self-esteem by letting them dictate your level of self-confidence.

No matter what you go through in this world, know your worth and NEVER FORGET IT!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee!

Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband!

Posted on April 19, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.

Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.

Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!

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Playing Wife Is A Temporary Comfort

While “playing house” and “playing wife” may make you feel happier about your relationship because you exhibit that close, committed relationship held by a husband and wife, you don’t have the comfort and security that a marriage provides.

While you’re doing so much for your boyfriend to the point that you resemble the role his wife would take on, you’ll be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly a man can leave the relationship without batting an eye.

And, after the relationship ends, will you not sit there thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done all that for him!” Or, “I cant believe he left me after everything I’ve done and given up for him!”

While these are legitimate questions, the real questions you need to ask yourself are, “Why did I treat this man like my husband?” “Why did I do so much for a man that wasn’t married to me?”

Instead of being the devoted wife in your next relationship, just be the girlfriend. And, know that this route will get you a ring quicker than if you act like there’s already a ring on your finger.

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The Benefits of Marriage Don’t Apply to Relationships

The root of some of your problems in dating may be the fact that you are going above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend.

The truth is, if a man wants ALL of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it.

While many men will propose to women who treated them like husbands from day one, it will take you a lot longer to get a ring out of a man if you’re giving him all the benefits of a marriage without any of the accompanying obligations and commitments.

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Why Marry The Woman When You Can Get The Wife For Free?

Do you remember that old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

Well, it’s true! This applies to dating and not just sex. What will inspire or encourage a man to marry you if he already has all the perks of marriage without any of it’s other obligations or “hassles?”

If a man wants more than plain old boyfriend treatment, he’s going to have to earn it and he needs to ask you to be his wife!

Think about it though, how are you going to feel if you treat your beau like he’s your husband and he breaks up with you or leaves you for another woman? Will you not regret doing too much for him?

Don’t get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should! At the end of the day, the only person who ever regrets doing this is the woman, not the man!

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What Is Treating Your Boyfriend Like A Husband?

Well, there are many things that women do that reflects the role of a wife.

But, to give you an idea, it can include anything from playing house and regularly cleaning his place or doing his laundry to passing up great opportunities for the relationship.

The most significant aspect I’ve noticed women catering to men as husbands would be in their careers. For example, you could get a great job offer in another state, but choose to pass up on the opportunity to stay with your boyfriend.

I’ve seen too many women pass up on great career or business opportunities for men that had no intention of marrying them, let alone being together long-term.

As women, we can’t make decisions based on our boyfriend being in our lives and, if we do, it can really hold us back.

When it’s all said and done, no woman looks back and says, “You know, I’m glad I passed up that opportunity for him!” So, if you’re not married, you need to make decisions with only your own best interest at heart.

If a man is going to make a career or business decision, he does it, and without thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my girlfriend will be okay with this.” No, men do what they know is best for themselves and it’s time that women did the same!

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Until You’re Engaged, His Opinion Doesn’t Matter

If he’s not your husband, your opinion is the only one that matters.

I say this because 2-3 years down the line when you’re not with him, you too will think his opinion doesn’t matter. If he’s not going to be a part of your life permanently, then why would you make decisions based on him? Especially decisions that will have a lasting effect on your life.

If your boyfriend wants you to consider him when you’re making big decisions about your life, he needs to show you that he will always be a part of that life. And, he does this by asking you to marry him!

Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally. Don’t force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he doesn’t want to play husband, you definitely shouldn’t play wife!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Emotionally Unavailable? Should You Be Dating?

Posted on February 13, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

This is a great post by the Single Dating Diva! She addressed whether you should still date if you are emotionally unavailable.

I believe that you should still date when you are emotionally unavailable, in fact, I think it’s a great idea to continue dating! This is so that you can take note of any bad habits or negative attitudes you have developed as a result of your traumatic experiences or emotional unavailability.

By knowing and understanding your behavior and where it stems from you can work on changing or downplaying those behaviors in the future.

I think it’s easy to pick up and ingrain negative habits and attitudes as a result of the bad experiences we have gone through. Unfortunately, some of these bad habits will stick with us long after the heartache is gone. So, we definitely have to be cognizant of ourselves in this respect.

Our dates shouldn’t be more aware of our negative behaviors than ourselves. In order to change, in order to be better, we first have to know what the problem is. We have to know what is holding us back.

This is a great post, check out the Single Dating Diva’s Blog for the full post!!

Empowerment Coach Suzie

There are so many things to consider when you’re meeting someone new. You have to determine if you’re attracted to them, decipher if you have a connection with them, gauge your overall interest in them … but there’s one thing you can’t tell, not right away at least, you can’t tell if they’re emotionally available. This could be related to, but not exactly the same as, baggage. Being emotionally available is being open and ready to enter into a relationship with someone. Emotional availability can help or hinder a prospective relationship. It’s a component of the glue, if you will, that holds things together. How? Well, let me explain.

Emotional Availability – A Definition

I recently came across this article called How to Spot Emotional Unavailability and the author spoke about the ways you can determine whether or not someone is emotionally unavailable and I completely agree and wanted…

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