You Attract What You Put Out There!

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Ladies, how many times have you been hit on by a man in public and thought to yourself, “I can’t believe this unkempt sweatpants-wearing man has the nerve to hit on me!!”

Have you been approached by men in a wife beater and sweatpants and wondered why he thought he could get your phone number?

We’ve all been here before. But, the most important question is, what am I doing, wearing, or putting out there to attract these kind of men?

Always remember, you attract what you put out there!

You Attract What You Reflect

If you leave your house in sweatpants and a wife beater, don’t be mad when a man in sweats and a wife beater hits on YOU!

You can’t expect that you’ll attract a businessman in a suit when you’re wearing sweatpants.

The next time you’re picking an outfit to wear out, whether for a date or otherwise, ask yourself, “would the type of man I want to date go for a woman dressed like this?”

If you wear clothes that show a lot of breasts and skin, you will definitely get attention from men, but it won’t be the kind of attention that you want.

Most men will go after a woman that is dressed like she’s “easy,” however, he’s going after her for sex and nothing more. He won’t be interested in developing a long term relationship with someone he only sees as a late night creep option.

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The Skin Rule

When getting dressed, always remember that you can only show ONE of the following, if any:

1. Cleavage

2. Midriff

3. Legs

4. Back

Avoid Being Labeled “Just Sex”

You can only show off one of these assets at a time if you are going to show off anything at all. If you show both breasts and legs, for example, you will come off as extremely “sexified.”

Even if you think you’ve shown more than one area of skin tastefully, rethink your choices because you’re probably still attracting negative male attention.

On the first few dates, be more on the conservative side in your dress. Better that he think you’re more reserved than you really are than to think you’re just good for sex.

At the end of the day, there’s NO BOUNCING BACK once a man places you in the “just sex” category. Once a man labels you as a sex object, that’s all you’ll ever be!

Yes, there are exceptions to the rule that once a man see’s you as sex, that’s all you’ll ever be. But, exceptions are rare and we can’t all be exceptions to the rule! 😉

Get The Respect You Deserve

Many men already think that women are just sex objects to be used and discarded, so this means that we have to try even harder to not get labeled as such.

While some men may never respect women, there are plenty of men that will show you the respect you deserve, as long as you are showing yourself that same respect FIRST!

Start dressing for what you want the universe to bring you. The clothes that you wear say a lot about who you are! Control the image and perception you are putting out there about yourself.

Be cognizant and aware of the outfits that you are choosing to wear and how you are carrying yourself. Whether you’re going to work, a date, or out with friends, you need to pick your attire cautiously.

If you want to continue dressing freely, that’s fine, but don’t be upset when you get a lot of unwanted attention from sleazy men!

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What Does Your Wardrobe Say About You?

It’s honestly true that you attract what you reflect. At the same time, if you have serious self-esteem issues and they come out in the way you dress and the way you carry yourself, men WILL notice this!!

Actually, men easily pick up on the fact that a woman is insecure or lacks self-confidence.

So, if you walk down the street with your shoulders hunched over and your head hanging low, you could give off a vibe that says, “Hey! I have no self-esteem or confidence so any men who want to take advantage of me or control me are welcome!”

Don’t get me wrong, every once in a while you will still have some unwanted stragglers hit on you, but there won’t be nearly as many when you’re dressing appropriately and carrying yourself respectfully.

Start Being Mindful Of How You Carry Yourself

Don’t wear clothes that you are uncomfortable in. When you wear clothes you aren’t comfortable in, you fidget and constantly adjust your clothes. Doing this actually draws more attention to the areas that you’re insecure about.

The truth is, when you aren’t comfortable in your clothes, you can’t be confident in what you do whether it’s being on a date, in the boardroom, or even in front of a camera.

Don’t let your clothes take away your self-confidence!

If you’re constantly focused on adjusting your clothes or how you’re sitting, you can’t be focused on the conversation you’re having. You won’t be “in the moment.”

This isn’t a good thing. People can tell when you’re not giving them your full attention and that’s not an exciting conversation to be in.

Being Comfortable Empowers You!

Honestly, when you’re comfortable, you can be yourself and you can enjoy the company you’re with or the activity you’re doing.

Being comfortable equals being confident. But, being uncomfortable can bring out several bad traits such as pessimism, unwillingness to participate in certain activities, and many other negative attributes.

You’ll EMPOWER YOURSELF by being comfortable! So, wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and in control!

Let a man get to know you for who you really are and not for your insecurities.

If you’ve gained weight and you’re reluctant to buy clothes one or two sizes bigger, you’re really only doing yourself a disservice because while you’re pulling your shirt down and pulling your pants up, you’re letting someone know that your insecure and unhappy with yourself.

But, I want to hear your thoughts on this topic! Leave your thoughts and comments below!! Thanks for reading!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee!

8 Acts Of Chivalry To Bring Back

Finally, a man concerned about bringing chivalry back!! Support the New Chivalry Movement!!!

James Michael Sama

The more women I talk to, the more I realize that the gentleman is a rare breed. The mission of the New Chivalry Movement is to bring men (and women) together who strive to be the best versions of themselves and love and respect those around them.

As the gentleman has become less prominent, so have the respectful acts that define him.

Here are 8 acts of chivalry we often overlook and should work to bring back.

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Giving up your seat.

Whether on a bus or on a crowded subway, giving up your seat to another is a rare but great sign of respect. I always cringe a bit when I see a woman or elderly person forced to stand while young men remain distracted by their phones. It all comes down to being aware of your surroundings and acting accordingly.

Only one in seven men will offer their seat…

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Emotionally Unavailable? Should You Be Dating?

This is a great post by the Single Dating Diva! She addressed whether you should still date if you are emotionally unavailable.

I believe that you should still date when you are emotionally unavailable, in fact, I think it’s a great idea to continue dating! This is so that you can take note of any bad habits or negative attitudes you have developed as a result of your traumatic experiences or emotional unavailability.

By knowing and understanding your behavior and where it stems from you can work on changing or downplaying those behaviors in the future.

I think it’s easy to pick up and ingrain negative habits and attitudes as a result of the bad experiences we have gone through. Unfortunately, some of these bad habits will stick with us long after the heartache is gone. So, we definitely have to be cognizant of ourselves in this respect.

Our dates shouldn’t be more aware of our negative behaviors than ourselves. In order to change, in order to be better, we first have to know what the problem is. We have to know what is holding us back.

This is a great post, check out the Single Dating Diva’s Blog for the full post!!

Suzie the Single Dating Diva

emotionally-unavailable There are so many things to consider when you’re meeting someone new.  You have to determine if you’re attracted to them, decipher if you have a connection with them, gauge your overall interest in them … but there’s one thing you can’t tell, not right away at least, you can’t tell if they’re emotionally available.  This could be related to, but not exactly the same as, baggage.  Being emotionally available is being open and ready to enter into a relationship with someone.  Emotional availability can help or hinder a prospective relationship.  It’s a component of the glue, if you will, that holds things together.  How? Well, let me explain.

Emotional Availability – A Definition

I recently came across this article called How to Spot Emotional Unavailability  and the author spoke about the ways you can determine whether or not someone is emotionally unavailable and I completely agree and wanted…

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First Date Tips: Dating Red Flags

Suzie the Single Dating Diva

First-Date-TipsIt’s been a crazy few weeks. I’ve not only been super busy with work, there’s my blog, my business and the podcast.  Wow, crazy.  But, I love every minute of it. You might be wondering how I find time for dating but I do. Actually, I love meeting new people and I’ve gone on a lot of first dates lately.  Yes, lots of first dates that didn’t go anywhere else for whatever reason, mostly because we didn’t have a connection and that’s perfectly OK. Others I would have loved to see again but it wasn’t in the cards. That’s perfectly OK too, just because you felt a connection doesn’t mean they did.

People put too much pressure on a first date when really it’s just that first contact to see if you want to proceed to the next level, a “pre-date” if you will.  That’s why coffee or a…

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You Don’t Deserve a Good Man…Yet!!

Angry Woman

 A lot of women put off working on themselves because they feel like “Well, if I’m not in a relationship, what’s the point?” “Who am I working on myself for?”

Well the answer to that question is YOU!

Are You a Good Woman?

Every woman wants a good man, but let’s face it: A good man deserves a good woman, period!

Get yourself together now so that when you’re ready to take that big step, a good man will be ready to take it with you!

Self-Defeating Behavior

We have to stop saying things like, “Well, it’s obvious this guy doesn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with me so why should I change myself??” Or “I’m not looking for anything serious, I just want to date and have fun!”

Well, when you’re done having all that fun, those habits you’ve developed and ingrained into your way of life may be the same habits that keep you from finding and keeping a good man.

If your not interested in fixing your faults or bad habits because you’re not in a relationship or whatever the excuse, here is your reality check:

You still need to work on yourself because bad habits are hard to break and if you don’t start at least trying and practicing now, there’s not much of a chance that you’ll change years down the line!

Practice, Practice, Practice!

Ladies, we all know that it’s hardest to play it cool or follow “the rules” when you are REALLY into a man or have already categorized him as “the one.”

So, you really need to practice not doing those bad habits that get you labeled as “the stalker,”or the “crazy girl” or whatever your kryptonite is. Once you’ve been practicing for awhile, it won’t be as hard to stop yourself from doing those things you know you shouldn’t do.

There’s no need to fall apart and moan about everything you think you are not. Instead, focus on becoming the person that you yourself would want to date.

While some women are aware of the flaws and bad habits that hinder them in the dating world, many women are not. Either way, we all need to continuously work on ourselves for the better. 

What is Working on Yourself?

When I say “work on ourselves,” I mean we need to do some serious introspective evaluations to determine what our bad habits or flaws are and better understand those characteristics that are holding us back in dating, love and life in general.

Perhaps, you’re extremely needy and clingy, or overly distant. Or, your first dates with men are more like interviews or interrogations more so than actual dates.

Do your insecurities or lack of self-esteem lead to you chasing men away with your jealousy or constant need for reassurance and attention?

Maybe you consciously or unconsciously let men know that you are ready to settle down and have kids like yesterday! Regardless of whether a man is actively looking for marriage, kids, and the whole shebang, you can scare him off by putting marriage and kids on the table on the first few dates. This reeks desperation!

Whatever your flaws may be, you yourself need to know what they are! That’s the only way you’ll be able to work on changing them or learn how to downplay them so they don’t negatively affect your life.

Not Everything Can Be Changed

Now, I realize that not every character flaw or bad habit can necessarily be changed, but it can be downplayed! And, for the habits that can be changed, why not change them?

Regardless of whether you’re casually dating, dating the wrong man, or not dating at all, you have to work on yourself!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

 

Related Articles You May Like

Emotionally Unavailable? Should You Be Dating?

Revenge: Why It’s Not Worth It

Having A Sense of Humor As An Adult

21 Pieces Of Relationship “Advice” You Should Always Ignore

Plenty of these “tips” should be ignored!!! My favorite was “You can’t expect [insert act of basic human decency here] from men. They’re hopeless.”

This is hilarious! Why shouldn’t we expect basic human decency from men?? It’s time to stop cutting men so much slack that they can get away with having no human decency! Great post! Thanks for the laughs!

Access the full article here: 21 Pieces of Relationship Advice you Should Always Ignore

Focusing on the Process not the Dating Outcomes

It really is time to start slowing down the dating process and enjoying the ride instead of making it a long term examination that a man has to pass.

Suzie the Single Dating Diva

Focusing on the Process NOT the Dating Outcomes

I don’t know about you, but often times I get caught up in the looking at the finish line that I don’t even notice anything else that’s going on around me.  I’m like that a lot in everything I do, I just want to get to my goal as fast as I can.  I’ve also noticed that in my personal life as well.  I sometimes am so focused on the finish line, getting where I want to be that forget to stop and smell the roses and just “be” where I’m at.  I’m not the only one.  Most people are like that.

It took me a while to realize that.  It was one of the main reasons that I married the wrong person way back when.  I was so focused on being “the bride” and fitting into the “box” that I turned a blind eye to many red flags.  The…

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