Tag Archives: break ups

Is Your Boyfriend Worth Your Time?

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Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

“I just read your article on men who pull the disappearing act. I am very familar with this, being my current boyfriend has done this more then I can count (12+). I know, I shouldn’t allow this, but It’s hard to explain. I want to be with him, we agree with some major issues, and he has qualities that are rare in a man. I also know it’s something he’s battling with.

On the other hand, it is extremely disrespectful to me to abandon me every time things get a little heavy. I need a man who will be by my side in hard times. Every time he does this, he comes back treating me better than ever, and I guess that’s why I’ve dealt with it for so long.

We have almost been dating for about 2 years now, and we are 3 year apart in age, I am older. We are also in our early 20’s. I just don’t know what to do. I know I deserve better, but I just can’t let him go. The cycle is everything is normal/or great, then he slowly starts taking me for granted, then things get heavy or he upsets me, then  he completely shuts down and I don’t hear from him for days/weeks, then repeat.

The longest he has gone without speaking to me was 2 weeks. I can’t imagine loving someone, then at the same time purposely ignoring them for an extended period. Doesn’t he genuinely  miss me in this time? Or Is he just using this time selfishly to do whatever he wants, and only comes back to me when he feels like it? I just don’t think I can deal with it anymore.

I know I deserve a man to actually WANT to be with me, and be with me through thick and thin. I mean, what happens if he does this and we are married or have children together? I’m sorry for the long message, it’s just nice to get someone else’s perspective and to just talk it out in general. Today marks a week since he ‘ran away from home’ (we live together)…”

Dear Dater,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been going through all this and I’m happy to lend you my ear and opinion. Although, it sounds like you already know what you need to do here.

You’ve been dealing with your boyfriend’s disappearing acts for 2 years now and it’s very apparent that this is a regular pattern in his behavior. It seems that your boyfriend’s disappearances may be a result of him trying to avoid issues or problems in the relationship, but this is absolutely not conducive to having a healthy and loving relationship.

While your boyfriend does come back into the picture and treats you better than ever, it’s only momentarily. One of the most important characteristics to look for in a man you date is consistency! I say this all the time, but consistency is truly key!

When a man is inconsistent it shows you that he is not who he portrays himself to really be and you can’t depend on him. Men can only fake it for so long so their inconsistencies or disappearing acts are your red flags that this person may not be the man you actually want. Sometimes, we get so caught up in trying to get or keep a boyfriend that we often don’t ask ourselves, “is this the type of man I want to be in a relationship with or spend the rest of my life with?”

At the end of the day, your relationship is best when your boyfriend returns from his disappearances, but your good feelings are always fleeting, it never lasts. You are only in your twenties and still have your whole life ahead of you. I know it’s not easy to see the rainbow when you’re in the storm, but there are men out there that will cherish you and wouldn’t dare risk the chance of losing you by pulling a disappearing act.

In fact, a man that truly loves you will never want to leave your life, whether it’s for a few days or a few weeks. A part of having a great, loving, and healthy relationship is knowing your worth and knowing what you do and don’t deserve. The second you realize that you are worth a man staying in your life is the second that you will stop tolerating bad behavior from men, i.e. the disappearing act.

So, I want you to ask yourself, is your boyfriend really the type of man you want to be in a relationship with? If not, then it’s time to move on honey! But, when you ask yourself this question, I need you to realistically look at your entire relationship. Don’t just reflect on the good times with your boyfriend, definitely consider the good and the bad. How does he make you feel? And, I don’t mean how he makes you feel when he is laying it on thick after treating you badly and ignoring your calls and texts for days.

When you make this decision, remember how you feel every time he leaves you and you’re not even sure where he is staying. Do you feel loved then?

You’ve definitely given this relationship your all, but has your boyfriend? How much time are you willing to spend in this relationship waiting for your boyfriend to be a better man? I know it’s never easy deciding whether to break up with a boyfriend, but focus on the right things and you’ll make the right decision for you.

I wish you all the best and never forget that you’re worth a man staying in your life!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Related Posts You’ll Like:

Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

Wondering Why Men Come Back In Your Life?

Are You Downplaying His Negatives?

To Break Up Or Not To Break Up?

Ask Dee’s Dating Diary A Dating Question!

To Break Up Or Not To Break Up?

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Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 4 years, and we have been to hell and back.. Unfortunately I cheated on him almost 2 years ago when I felt like he didn’t care about the relationship anymore and when he found out he all of a sudden cared more than anything in the world. I bring up the topic of marriage and he says that he isn’t over what I did just yet so I shouldn’t be expecting a ring anytime soon and that he’s in no rush to get married.. Should I stay or should I go? P.S he is 34 and I’m 26..

Dear Dater,

Wow, sounds like you have quite the dilemma on your hands. Here’s what I think:

If after 2 years your boyfriend still isn’t over you cheating on him, the likelihood of him ever getting past it is slim to none.

Unfortunately, cheating can really damage the health and well-being of a relationship. In your case, the damage wasn’t so far beyond repair that you couldn’t continue the relationship, but it seems to have damaged the possibility of marriage.

Is This The Relationship You Really Want?

While you are concerned about where your boyfriend sees this relationship going, you can’t forget to ask yourself whether this relationship is really right for you.

Yes, you maintained the relationship after cheating and you said that you only cheated because you felt like your boyfriend didn’t care about the relationship, but you should definitely reevaluate whether you truly want to spend the rest of your life with this man AND whether you can do that faithfully. Ultimately, your boyfriend told you not to expect a ring anytime soon and you need to take that to heart.

So, should you stay or should you go?

In my opinion, you definitely need to go. You are 26 years old and have many things ahead of you. You can’t spend the next 4 years of your life waiting to see if your boyfriend is going to get over your cheating and marry you.

If you wait around in this relationship for too long hoping for a proposal, you may come to regret that decision one day. Check out the blog post I wrote about this: How Long Is Too Long To Wait For A Wedding Ring?
Yours Truly,Dee

It’s Easier To Leave Than To Be Left

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Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When you’re in a relationship and your boyfriend has to leave town for a trip or some other reason, you probably find it hard to watch him leave.

You may even feel alone because the time you would normally spend with your boyfriend becomes a void or a gap.

The funny thing is, when it’s you that has to leave town it’s not as hard to leave as it is to be left by your boyfriend.

When you’re leaving for a trip, leisurely or work-related, it’s easier to leave because you have something to look forward to or your time will be occupied for the most part.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Who Has It Easier In A Break Up?

Now, turning this to break ups, it’s also always easier to break up with a boyfriend than to be broken up with.

This obviously isn’t the case if you’re breaking up with your boyfriend because of cheating or some other wrong.

Truthfully though, there’s something about having control over the break up that gives you an element of ease. You weren’t blindsided by the break up, you thought the decision through, and you decided the best move for yourself was to move on.

With these things in mind, you obviously wouldn’t be as torn up over the break up since you’re the person that decided to end it.

So, it’s really true in many aspects actually, it’s always easier to leave than be left!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Should You Burn Your Exes Things After A Break Up?

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Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Last week, I discussed whether you should keep your exes stuff after a break up. This week, I want to talk disposal methods!

Some women are so angry and hurt after a break up that they feel compelled to get rid of their exes things in the most destructive way possible.

From tearing pictures and other things a part to burning things altogether, some women think that destroying their exes stuff will make them feel better.

But, the truth this, it’s just an unnecessary waste of your time.

Image courtesy of FrameAngel at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of FrameAngel at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Not Destroy His Stuff?

Going the destructive route often makes you much more emotional.

You have to remember that there’s no amount of ripping, tearing, or burning that will take away the hurt, pain, anger you feel from a break up.

Only in going through the natural course of the healing process will you truly feel better.

So, is it okay burn or destroy your exes things after a break up?

The answer is no.

Image courtesy of Digidreamgrafix at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Digidreamgrafix at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Should You Do With Your Exes Stuff?

I know you’re thinking, “do I just throw everything in the trash then?”

Well, yes, that is an option, but you do have better ones.

You could donate your exes stuff to the Salvation Army, Goodwill, or any other organizations that accept these kinds of donations.

Or, you could even return the stuff to your ex if you are both capable of amicably handling that encounter.

No matter how you chose to get rid of your exes things, don’t make it more difficult for yourself by putting negative energy into that process.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

The Most Important Thing to do After a Break Up

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Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

After a break up, an important part of the healing and learning process is reflecting back on the relationship.

The relationship playback is basically the process of playing back the relationship in your mind from the first date until the last day.

The relationship playback is the time when you’re able to see all those signs that were showing you the problems in your relationship. What once seemed like small unimportant things now look like obvious red flags you should have picked up on.

This process can be difficult and mentally exhausting. But, it truly helps you learn valuable lessons to grow from because it allows you to see your relationship more objectively since you’ve been removed from the situation altogether.

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Trust Your Gut!

How many times have you had a genuine feeling that your boyfriend was cheating on you just to eventually find out that you were right?

When your gut tells you that your boyfriend is not being faithful to you, trust your gut! It’s called women’s intuition for a reason! You’ve been given a special gift that allows you to sense when things aren’t right.

These feelings are usually a result of red flags that your mind has processed, but that you didn’t really pay attention to or you purposefully ignored.

Whether it’s cheating or something else, the next time your gut tells you something isn’t right, don’t just write those feelings off because you may eventually come to regret that decision.

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Relationship PlayBack
Perhaps your ex boyfriend was very controlling, but you didn’t realize it until you were already in a committed relationship.

Well, the relationship playback, if you’re open to growing, allows you to learn from your mistakes. It really is the best way to avoid carrying emotional baggage from one relationship into your future dating!

The relationship playback is where you take note of those red flags you need to watch for in the future. And, it also gives you the opportunity to recognize and correct those relationship problems that you created or enabled.

So, after a break up, make sure you do the relationship playback so you can gain the wisdom that’s necessary to attract a great, loving, and healthy relationship in the future!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

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Stop Being The Victim!

21 Pieces Of Relationship “Advice” You Should Always Ignore

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Plenty of these “tips” should be ignored!!! My favorite was “You can’t expect [insert act of basic human decency here] from men. They’re hopeless.”

This is hilarious! Why shouldn’t we expect basic human decency from men?? It’s time to stop cutting men so much slack that they can get away with having no human decency! Great post! Thanks for the laughs!

Access the full article here: 21 Pieces of Relationship Advice you Should Always Ignore