How To Answer Questions About Why You’re Single

Posted on January 24, 2015 by Dee's Dating Diary

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

How do you answer questions about why you’re single or why your last relationship ended?

Dear Dater,

Less is always more!

If you’ve been asked questions like these by someone you recently met, keep your answers short and sweet!

If you’re asked why you’re single, the best answer is always “you haven’t met the right person.” And, this isn’t a lie, it’s true!

If you already met the right person, you’d still be with him.

The Time Will Come To Open Up

After you’ve been on several dates, if you’re asked details about why your past relationship ended you can open up a bit more. But, remember, the new person you’re dating doesn’t need all the nitty gritty details.

When you’ve been dating someone for awhile, of course you’ll have to speak more openly about why it ended with your ex.

If a past relationship ended as a result of your own bad behavior, own up to what you did and be sure to tell the person how you learned from that mistake and that you’d never do that to someone again.

It’s easy to scare new dates off with what they may perceive as problems that you have. Too much information too soon can definitely kill a potential relationship. Check out the post I wrote about this: One Thing That Kills A Potential Relationship is…

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Yours Truly,

Dee

Should You Burn Your Exes Things After A Break Up?

Posted on December 20, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Last week, I discussed whether you should keep your exes stuff after a break up. This week, I want to talk disposal methods!

Some women are so angry and hurt after a break up that they feel compelled to get rid of their exes things in the most destructive way possible.

From tearing pictures and other things a part to burning things altogether, some women think that destroying their exes stuff will make them feel better.

But, the truth this, it’s just an unnecessary waste of your time.

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Why Not Destroy His Stuff?

Going the destructive route often makes you much more emotional.

You have to remember that there’s no amount of ripping, tearing, or burning that will take away the hurt, pain, anger you feel from a break up.

Only in going through the natural course of the healing process will you truly feel better.

So, is it okay burn or destroy your exes things after a break up?

The answer is no.

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What Should You Do With Your Exes Stuff?

I know you’re thinking, “do I just throw everything in the trash then?”

Well, yes, that is an option, but you do have better ones.

You could donate your exes stuff to the Salvation Army, Goodwill, or any other organizations that accept these kinds of donations.

Or, you could even return the stuff to your ex if you are both capable of amicably handling that encounter.

No matter how you chose to get rid of your exes things, don’t make it more difficult for yourself by putting negative energy into that process.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Should You Keep Your Exes Stuff After A Break Up?

Posted on December 13, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

During the course of a relationship, we usually cultivate many things from our partner. From gifts, to “borrowed” shirts and sweaters, it’s easy to rack up a lot of items from your boyfriend.

But, after a break up, should you be keeping any of these things?

The answer is no.

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Why You Shouldn’t Keep Your Exes Stuff

When you’re trying to get over a relationship, the last thing you need is to have a bunch of stuff around your house that constantly reminds you of your ex and the relationship you had.

Your exes stuff could send you into emotional lows and put you back in that sad place that you were in at the end of the relationship.

Keeping your exes stuff around definitely makes it more difficult to get over the relationship.

These little reminders of your ex will only prolong and delay the healing process after your break up.

And, this is definitely not what you want.

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Let’s Make A Distinction

For some women, yes, seeing an exes things or the gifts he gave can send them into emotional spirals.

But, there are some women who can break up with a boyfriend and not be emotionally affected by seeing some of his stuff.

Take for example, the sweater you took from your boyfriend and love wearing because it’s huge and super comfortable!

Some women might see this sweater after a break up and cry into it. While other women may continue to wear the sweater and simply enjoy its comfort with no emotional attachments or issues.

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Why Make This Distinction?

I have to make a distinction between women who can keep some of their exes things without being emotionally affected by it and women who can’t.

If you can separate the emotional attachments between your ex and certain items, then you don’t necessarily need to get rid of everything.

If your ex got you a gift that you’ve always wanted and you won’t be reminded of him every time you look at it, then there’s no need to junk the gift.

But, do keep in mind that even if you are great at separating your emotions from the gifts your ex gave you, a new boyfriend could have a problem with you keeping some of these things anyway.

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Do You Need Your Exes Stuff?

While it may seem harsh to get rid of your exes stuff after the relationship, sometimes it’s the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.

You don’t need a bunch of CDs, pictures, and other things to remind you of your ex.

At the end of the day, you’ll always have your memories and no one can take that from you.

So, don’t allow yourself to unnecessarily hold on to things from your past relationships.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

5 Red Flags Men Need To Watch For

Posted on July 12, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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While I normally address red flags that women should be watchful for with men, I want to focus on 5 red flags that men need to watch for with women.

Although some men are great at identifying red flags that tell you a woman may not be good relationship material, some men don’t readily notice these clues.

So, here are 5 Red Flags That Men Need To Watch For:

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1. She Talks About The Future Too Soon

Talking about “the future” too soon is definitely a red flag that you need to pay attention to. This is a sign that she may try to force the progression of your relationship.

Listen carefully when your date is speaking. If she uses the word “we” a lot, then you have a good idea of what you may be getting yourself into by continuing to date this woman.

If a woman is making plans for the both of you and it’s only your second date, you can’t act surprised when soon after she’s trying to pressure you into a relationship and then marriage!

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2. She’s Needy, Clingy, or Desperate

It’s never a good idea to date a needy or clingy woman. Clinginess is a sign that a woman will have dependency issues in the relationship.

Dating a woman that is completely dependent on you is detrimental to having a healthy relationship.

A needy woman requires A LOT of attention and pacifying. She can’t be alone and she’ll want to spend all of her time with you, which could make you feel suffocated by her attention.

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3. She Talks About Her Ex

Talking about exes on the first few dates is a HUGE red flag! If she’s talking about her ex-boyfriend on a date with you, face it, she’s NOT over him.

You don’t want to have to deal with the emotional baggage she’s carrying from her last relationship.

Some women don’t take the necessary time to deal with issues from their previous relationship and actually HEAL before getting back into the dating world.

If you don’t want to deal with a woman’s issues that another man caused, then steer clear of the woman who can’t help but talk about her ex!

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4. She’s Jealous Or Snoops

If your date makes a reference to you being a player type or suggests that you must date many women, and you’re not, this is a red flag that she may be the jealous type.

You don’t want to date a woman who is jealous for no reason because this will play out in your relationship if you decide to date her exclusively.

With a jealous woman, she may accuse you of cheating or even snoop through your phone or other things. Dating a jealous woman is not conducive to having a happy or healthy relationship.

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5. She’s Insecure or Lacks Self-Confidence

If a woman is very insecure and lacks self-confidence, this is a sign that you will have to put A LOT of effort into dating this woman.

This is because an insecure woman requires a lot of emotional work and, therefore, a lot of emotional support from you.

While it may seem admirable to take this relationship on and try to help your girlfriend work through her self-worth issues, true change can only come from her.

There’s nothing you can do to make her secure about herself. It’s called “SELF-” worth and “SELF-” confidence for a reason, it has to come from her, NOT you!

Any Thoughts?

What are your experiences with dealing with these kinds of red flags? I’d love to hear your stories and perspectives, so please leave a comment below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee