Help! We Had A Great First Date, But He Hasn’t Called Since

Posted on April 29, 2017 by Dee's Dating Diary

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I had a great first date with this guy, but almost a week has gone by and he hasn’t called or texted me. I thought we made a good connection and were into each other, but now I’m starting to feel like I was wrong.

What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted me in days? Does he not want to see me again? Did I do something wrong? I will admit our date was a Netflix and chill night and he tried to make a few moves on me, but I didn’t sleep with him and only kissed him at the end of the night. Should I reach out to him? Is he waiting to see if I want to continue talking?

Dear Dater,

If you had a date with a man and he hasn’t called or texted you for more than 3 days after your date, he’s just not that interested in you. However, because this guy wanted to “Netflix and chill” and did make some passes at you, he may not have been looking for a potential relationship and was only interested in getting in your pants.

Since you rejected his advances and only kissed him at the end of the night, he may have decided to move on to an easier target.

Don’t feel bad about this. It’s really a great thing because now this guy won’t be in the way of the right man coming into your life. You don’t want to waste time dating the wrong men so don’t dwell on this situation or reach out to him to force a conversation that isn’t meant to take place.

Also you should avoid having a Netflix and chill date for at least the first 5-6 dates. You don’t want to subject yourself to men making aggressive passes at you or even worse, forcing themselves on you. It’s better to be safe and wait until you get to know a man better before you invite him into your home or go to his.

Furthermore, you’re more likely to move faster with a man when you’re in the comfort of a home as opposed to somewhere like a restaurant. So, hold off on the Netflix and chill and stick to public dates until you’ve gotten to know each other much better.

For more great dating advice and tips for being safe while dating, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Testimonial: My Boyfriend Wasn’t Worth My Time

Posted on August 8, 2015 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Hey Dee,

I just want to thank you for being so helpful to me through this big mess of a situation. I didn’t exactly have anyone to talk to, so thank you so much for being there. I also wanted to make an update of how things are going because I feel it could be helpful information to other girls who have also experienced the unfortunate phenomenon of the disappearing boyfriend, and I have so much advice to them from my experience.

Being in the middle of a disappearing man act is really a confusing time full of feelings of rejection and neglect, but, the thing is, its like this only when you make it. If you look at it like you said, “Is this really a man you want to be in a relationship with?” It is so much easier to realize you actually have no loss. I realize in hindsight that he really wasn’t all that great and really didn’t treat me all that great either (obviously if he could abandon me, period). I see all the red flags I blindly ignored in the beginning of the relationship, and if I had listened it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

I’ve learned that you should never ever let a man jeopardize your happiness, and to never stay in a bad relationship. Losing someone who ultimately wasn’t worth my time has empowered me as a person, and as a woman. I have so much confidence in every aspect of my self, all because I know I’m worth it.

To the women who have experienced the disappearing man, you don’t and shouldn’t want them back because you deserve a man who wants to be consistently present in your life and you are indeed worth it!

As for me, I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been in my life because the man who wasn’t worth my time made it easy for me and left. I’m getting out there and meeting all sorts of people and cute guys, and experiencing all sorts of new things I couldn’t do with him. I’ve noticed how much I’ve missed out on in that relationship and wouldn’t for the life of me ever go back to it!

I hope my story can help other women in my situation. My advice to them would be to never let someone else’s treatment of you define your worth. And also to remember you have a choice in who you date, so drop them the second they mistreat you.

Thanks so much for your help Dee! Your advice has made me realize all this, and will help me out so much in my future relationships! Like you said “it’s not easy to see the rainbow when you’re in the storm,” I’m definitely seeing the rainbow now.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Related Post:

Is Your Boyfriend Worth Your Time?

Why Men Disappear Then Reappear – The Right to REAL Love Radio

Posted on July 18, 2015 by Dee's Dating Diary

I guest starred on The Right to REAL Love Radio Show again and I’m so excited to share this episode with you! On this show, Jay Mayo and I discussed men who disappear from women’s lives and then reappear. From why men disappear and reappear to how woman should handle these situations, we cover it all!

This is definitely a topic you don’t want to miss! Listen to our discussion below and check out Jay Mayo’s page where he has some great extras for our listeners: The Right to REAL Love Radio Show: Why Men Disappear Then Reappear.

Enjoy,

Dee

P.S. Check out my first show on The Right to REAL Love Radio Show where host Jay Mayo and I dive into the topic Are You Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband?

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

5 Ridiculous Reasons Men Give For Going MIA When Dating

Posted on July 11, 2015 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Almost every woman has at least one story about a man they were dating who didn’t return a call or text for an extended period of time. Some women have experienced a man going MIA for a day or two while others have seen men go MIA for weeks or months.

Regardless of the length of time a man is MIA though, the one thing they all have in common is that they make ridiculous excuses for their absences. There’s a ton of excuses men give in these situations, but here are 5 ridiculous reasons men give for going MIA when dating:

1. “I Was Busy”

The “I was busy” excuse is definitely one of the most common reasons that men give for not being in contact with a woman. Yes, a lot of people have very busy lives, that’s true. But, the reality is, men make time for who they really want. It takes no more than a few seconds to send a text so there’s really no excuse for not responding to a person you’re dating for days or weeks.

Never let a man convince you that he is so busy that he can’t even take 10 seconds out of his day to reply to your text!

2. “I Lost My Phone”

“I lost my phone” or “I left my phone at a friend’s house” are also common excuses men use for being MIA. Think about this though, if you left your phone at your friend’s house, you certainly wouldn’t take more than a day to get it back if not just a few hours.

And, we are all so attached to our smartphones that if we did happen to lose it many of us wouldn’t go more than a day or two without replacing it. So, if you haven’t heard back from a man in a week or more, you definitely shouldn’t be entertaining the “I lost my phone” excuse.

But, let’s just say the guy you’re dating did really lose his phone. Well, there’s still so many different ways that a man can get in touch with you. You can send emails or use social media, like Facebook, to send messages.

There are plenty of options for getting in touch with a person so losing your phone is not a legitimate excuse for going MIA!

3. “I Never Got Your Call/Text”

Here’s an excuse some men use because it manipulates a woman into accepting a man’s bad behavior and allows him to escape responsibility for his actions, or lack thereof.

When a man tells you that he never got your call or text, he puts you in a position where you feel like you can’t be mad at him for not responding. You feel like you have to drop the issue and let it go. Because, technically, he didn’t have control over the situation since he didn’t get your call, voicemail, or text, right?

Wrong!! There’s one thing you need to remember, ladies. Even if a man claims that he didn’t get your call, text, or voicemail, there’s still no excuse for why he hasn’t reached out to you in days or weeks. If you’re dating a man and he is genuinely interested in you, he’s not going to go a week or more without talking to you or reaching out to you.

Know that a man who actually likes you will want to reach out and talk to you whether you call him first or not!

4. “I Had Meningitis” or “I Was In The Hospital”

Some men excuse their absences with reasons like, “I had meningitis” (or some other crazy illness) or “I was in the hospital.” If a man genuinely had an illness that incapacitated him for weeks or months, it’s definitely understandable that he may not have the strength or ability to talk to you frequently.

But, if a man really likes you, he isn’t going to get sick and not say a peep to you for weeks or months. You may be too weak or unable to talk, but you can definitely send a text or get a friend or family member to do it for you!

An ill man would still want the woman he cares about in his life!

5. “I Did Text You Back”

Let’s get real, texts and voicemails aren’t getting lost in the digital stratosphere! As long as you are texting the correct phone number, the recipient is going to get it. Now, your text may not always go through immediately, but it’s definitely getting to it’s destination.

So, when a man you’re dating tells you that he did text you back or he left you a voicemail and you got absolutely nothing from him, know that this is a huge red flag!

I’d love to know, what’s the craziest excuses you’ve gotten for a man being MIA? Leave your comments below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Is Your Boyfriend Worth Your Time?

Posted on June 13, 2015 by Dee's Dating Diary

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

“I just read your article on men who pull the disappearing act. I am very familar with this, being my current boyfriend has done this more then I can count (12+). I know, I shouldn’t allow this, but It’s hard to explain. I want to be with him, we agree with some major issues, and he has qualities that are rare in a man. I also know it’s something he’s battling with.

On the other hand, it is extremely disrespectful to me to abandon me every time things get a little heavy. I need a man who will be by my side in hard times. Every time he does this, he comes back treating me better than ever, and I guess that’s why I’ve dealt with it for so long.

We have almost been dating for about 2 years now, and we are 3 year apart in age, I am older. We are also in our early 20’s. I just don’t know what to do. I know I deserve better, but I just can’t let him go. The cycle is everything is normal/or great, then he slowly starts taking me for granted, then things get heavy or he upsets me, then he completely shuts down and I don’t hear from him for days/weeks, then repeat.

The longest he has gone without speaking to me was 2 weeks. I can’t imagine loving someone, then at the same time purposely ignoring them for an extended period. Doesn’t he genuinely miss me in this time? Or Is he just using this time selfishly to do whatever he wants, and only comes back to me when he feels like it? I just don’t think I can deal with it anymore.

I know I deserve a man to actually WANT to be with me, and be with me through thick and thin. I mean, what happens if he does this and we are married or have children together? I’m sorry for the long message, it’s just nice to get someone else’s perspective and to just talk it out in general. Today marks a week since he ‘ran away from home’ (we live together)…”

Dear Dater,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been going through all this and I’m happy to lend you my ear and opinion. Although, it sounds like you already know what you need to do here.

You’ve been dealing with your boyfriend’s disappearing acts for 2 years now and it’s very apparent that this is a regular pattern in his behavior. It seems that your boyfriend’s disappearances may be a result of him trying to avoid issues or problems in the relationship, but this is absolutely not conducive to having a healthy and loving relationship.

While your boyfriend does come back into the picture and treats you better than ever, it’s only momentarily. One of the most important characteristics to look for in a man you date is consistency! I say this all the time, but consistency is truly key!

When a man is inconsistent it shows you that he is not who he portrays himself to really be and you can’t depend on him. Men can only fake it for so long so their inconsistencies or disappearing acts are your red flags that this person may not be the man you actually want. Sometimes, we get so caught up in trying to get or keep a boyfriend that we often don’t ask ourselves, “is this the type of man I want to be in a relationship with or spend the rest of my life with?”

At the end of the day, your relationship is best when your boyfriend returns from his disappearances, but your good feelings are always fleeting, it never lasts. You are only in your twenties and still have your whole life ahead of you. I know it’s not easy to see the rainbow when you’re in the storm, but there are men out there that will cherish you and wouldn’t dare risk the chance of losing you by pulling a disappearing act.

In fact, a man that truly loves you will never want to leave your life, whether it’s for a few days or a few weeks. A part of having a great, loving, and healthy relationship is knowing your worth and knowing what you do and don’t deserve. The second you realize that you are worth a man staying in your life is the second that you will stop tolerating bad behavior from men, i.e. the disappearing act.

So, I want you to ask yourself, is your boyfriend really the type of man you want to be in a relationship with? If not, then it’s time to move on honey! But, when you ask yourself this question, I need you to realistically look at your entire relationship. Don’t just reflect on the good times with your boyfriend, definitely consider the good and the bad. How does he make you feel? And, I don’t mean how he makes you feel when he is laying it on thick after treating you badly and ignoring your calls and texts for days.

When you make this decision, remember how you feel every time he leaves you and you’re not even sure where he is staying. Do you feel loved then?

You’ve definitely given this relationship your all, but has your boyfriend? How much time are you willing to spend in this relationship waiting for your boyfriend to be a better man? I know it’s never easy deciding whether to break up with a boyfriend, but focus on the right things and you’ll make the right decision for you.

I wish you all the best and never forget that you’re worth a man staying in your life!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Related Posts You’ll Like:

Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

Wondering Why Men Come Back In Your Life?

Are You Downplaying His Negatives?

To Break Up Or Not To Break Up?

Ask Dee’s Dating Diary A Dating Question!

Wondering Why Men Come Back In Your Life?

Posted on February 21, 2015 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I wrote a post called Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts? and I got some really great comments from people sharing their experiences with the dreadful “disappearing act.”

In a comment I was asked:

“If he’s just not into me, I get it. If he has other girls or a girlfriend, I can let him go. Whatever his reason for disappearing out of my life, I can deal with that. But it’s the constant REAPPEARING that I don’t understand. If you do not want to be with me then why not leave me alone? Why stop talking to me then try talking to me again? Is it about sex? Is this a power or control thing for him? Does this boost his self-esteem? What is his deal?”

I wanted to address this question in a post because many women have asked themselves these questions too.

The Re-Appearing Act

It’s certainly shocking to a woman when she goes from regularly communicating with a man to not getting any replies from her texts or calls.

And as if going MIA wasn’t bad enough, some men choose to further perplex women by coming back into the picture like nothing happened.

Maybe he tells you he lost his phone or perhaps he went all out and said he was in the hospital. Regardless of the excuse (and they’re all just that, excuses), it’s never okay for a man to ignore your texts and calls for days or weeks.

If a man is genuinely interested in you, he’s not going to disappear off the face of the earth then pop back in your life a week or months later.

Image courtesy of StockImages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Do They Re-Appear?

Do men reappear in your life because of sex, power and control, or self-esteem? The answer truly depends on the man. There’s actually no one-size fits all answer to this.

The most important point to take away from this is that, if he really wants to be with you, he’s not going to disappear from your life for days or weeks, period.

But, if you decide to give a man another chance after his disappearing act, don’t be upset when he does it to you again down the line.

Whether it’s a break up or the disappearing act, many men will contact you again in the future. And, you can’t let your decision to date a man be based on whether he ever reaches out to you again.

If a man wasn’t right for you or he flat out disappeared on you, it shouldn’t matter that he reached out to you again. Don’t let a bad blast from the past set you back in your dating life.

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

Posted on June 14, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This week, I wanted to address a very common red flag that most younger women tend to overlook.

How many times have you had plans with a man just for him to be a “no call, no show?”

You made plans the day before or even days in advance, but when the time comes to see each other he’s not picking up his phone. And, he’s definitely not calling back.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Does “Falling Asleep” On You Mean?

If a man stands you up and tells you the next day that he “fell asleep,” trust me, HE’S LYING!

The harsh reality is that he’s not into you at all! Men don’t fall asleep when they have plans with a woman.

Most likely, he found something better to do, maybe with another woman, or he wasn’t even in the mood to talk to you or deal with you at all.

It’s sad that some men don’t even have enough respect for a woman to call her and cancel their plans. The truth is, he shouldn’t have made plans with you in the first place.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This Won’t Be The Last Time

One thing that I can guarantee you though, if a man tells you that he fell asleep when you had plans, this won’t be the last time that he’s a “no call, no show.”

The only difference will be that each time he “disappears” on you like this, he’s excuses will get bigger and bigger.

It could go from “falling asleep” to “losing his phone” to “being sick in the hospital.”

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Do You Handle It?

When the guy you had plans with doesn’t call you or return your call, either you start worrying about his well-being OR you get pissed!

Pissed that he’s standing you up. Pissed that he doesn’t have the decency to call or cancel the date. Pissed that he put you through this (and you got all cute and everything too)!

Now, some women in this position will call the man once or twice while others will blow up his phone all night and probably leave a few voicemails or texts cursing him out.

All of that is unnecessary though! When a man stands you up, the last thing you need to do is worry about his well-being, blow up his phone, or waste your energy cursing him out!

Image courtesy of PhotoStock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Did You Push For The Date?

Interestingly enough though, women usually encounter these situations when they are the ones pursuing the man. Think about it.

If this has ever happened to you, were you the one that pushed the topic of getting together? Did he actually say he wanted to do something with you or did he just agree to your suggestion to meet?

It’s important not to chase men into relationships. You may get some attention from your efforts, but it may not be lasting.

Let a man go after you so that you don’t force yourself on someone that just isn’t that into you.

The next time a man “falls asleep” on you, drop him like a hot potato and never look back!!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee