To Break Up Or Not To Break Up?

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 4 years, and we have been to hell and back.. Unfortunately I cheated on him almost 2 years ago when I felt like he didn’t care about the relationship anymore and when he found out he all of a sudden cared more than anything in the world. I bring up the topic of marriage and he says that he isn’t over what I did just yet so I shouldn’t be expecting a ring anytime soon and that he’s in no rush to get married.. Should I stay or should I go? P.S he is 34 and I’m 26..

Dear Dater,

Wow, sounds like you have quite the dilemma on your hands. Here’s what I think:

If after 2 years your boyfriend still isn’t over you cheating on him, the likelihood of him ever getting past it is slim to none.

Unfortunately, cheating can really damage the health and well-being of a relationship. In your case, the damage wasn’t so far beyond repair that you couldn’t continue the relationship, but it seems to have damaged the possibility of marriage.

Is This The Relationship You Really Want?

While you are concerned about where your boyfriend sees this relationship going, you can’t forget to ask yourself whether this relationship is really right for you.

Yes, you maintained the relationship after cheating and you said that you only cheated because you felt like your boyfriend didn’t care about the relationship, but you should definitely reevaluate whether you truly want to spend the rest of your life with this man AND whether you can do that faithfully. Ultimately, your boyfriend told you not to expect a ring anytime soon and you need to take that to heart.

So, should you stay or should you go?

In my opinion, you definitely need to go. You are 26 years old and have many things ahead of you. You can’t spend the next 4 years of your life waiting to see if your boyfriend is going to get over your cheating and marry you.

If you wait around in this relationship for too long hoping for a proposal, you may come to regret that decision one day. Check out the blog post I wrote about this: How Long Is Too Long To Wait For A Wedding Ring?

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Yours Truly,Dee

2 thoughts on “To Break Up Or Not To Break Up?”

I agree with the above advice. Only stay in this one if you know that’s what you really want. You weren’t happy so you cheated, now he says he’s not happy, don’t expect a ring?

Only marry someone you feel really good about, this sort of emotional black-mail (on his behalf) will exhaust you and it’s not a good way to start your life out together. You need communication, trust, respect. Do you have these things together?

All the best, hope you make a good decision for you.

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