Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I exchanged phone numbers with someone through an online dating app and he immediately called me. The first thing he says to me is, “What are your deal-breakers?”
The question threw me off and I guess I was silent for a few seconds so he quickly says, “Well I asked because I have a big deal-breaker and if we don’t agree then dating each other isn’t going to work out.” I was kind of shocked because I’ve never had a man say anything like this to me before, but I was also really curious about what this deal breaker was so I asked him, “What’s your deal-breaker?”
He says, “Do you believe in evolution??”
I’m like, “Uhhh, I’m Christian so I believe God created people as opposed to us evolving from a species of animal.” Well, this set him clean off!
He says, “I received my master’s in evolutionary biology so I literally specifically studied this stuff and there is a lot of clear evidence and proof that we evolved from another species and if you don’t believe it then you’re just ignorant because the facts of evolution are out there and it’s true!”
I said, “I do believe in Darwinism and survival of the fittest, but I don’t believe we evolved from another species.” He then said I need to educate myself because science has proved this to be undoubtedly true.
At this point, I felt pretty offended and put off and got a little combative with him, I said, “Science had also been used in the past to prove the inferiority of black people and women so I’m not sold on anything just because it came from some random scientists. It was science that once said black people are better athletes because we have an extra muscle or something.”
My point was just that science has been used in the past to promote other agendas and I don’t just blindly believe everything that comes from scientists.
I could tell he definitely didn’t like what I said and he proceeded to question my education and asked me if I had even gone to college. I told him I also have a graduate degree, but not in evolutionary biology. Then I asked him, “So what job can you get with a masters in evolutionary biology other than a job teaching that very subject?” –I know I was being rude, but I was offended and couldn’t bite my tongue anymore…
He responded, “Right now, I tutor graduate students in the evolutionary biology program.”
I laughed really hard, in my head. LOL!
I was completely turned off by this guy and didn’t want to continue our back and forth jabs so I told him I had to get ready for bed and needed to go. He said, “Even though you don’t believe in evolution, I can tell you’re smart and I would like to talk again.”
I said, “Okay,” but got off the phone and never responded to him again.
Although he was willing to give me a chance even though I don’t believe in evolution, he really rubbed me the wrong way and I just didn’t want to talk to him ever again. Am I wrong? Should I have given him a chance?
Wow! That’s a new one. I thought I had heard it all, as far as deal-breakers, but I guess not!
It’s definitely strange that someone’s deal-breaker would be not believing in evolution, but, hey, plenty of people have plenty of unreasonable wants in a partner.
While I do acknowledge that some of us have beliefs that we need our partner to share, I don’t feel that believing in evolution needs to be one of those shared beliefs.
Here’s the kicker for this guy, just because a woman believes in evolution doesn’t mean that she’s a good person or will be a great girlfriend or wife one day. Believing in evolution definitely doesn’t speak to whether someone will treat you well, respect you, or even stay faithful to you.
So it’s pretty unreasonable for him to think that believing in evolution is going to make a woman right for him. And, unfortunately for him, this particular deal-breaker is going to cut him off from a lot of amazing women in this world!
Obviously, this guy connected with you on some level and may have felt that he was being unreasonable with the evolution thing, which is why he said he wanted to talk to you again anyway. However, it’s completely understandable if he has put such a bitter taste in your mouth that you never want to talk to him again.
In my personal opinion, he’s probably not the right person for you anyway because the man you’re meant to be with would never call you ignorant or insult your intelligence just because you don’t believe in evolution or his other beliefs.
It’s one thing to have different opinions and it’s another thing to insult and offend people simply because they don’t share your opinions or beliefs. Meaning, you should still be aware of how the men you date are talking to you. A man who is willing to put you down and insult you because he doesn’t like your perspective is not a man worth your time.
It’s okay to have different views, but it’s not okay to be rude to someone because they don’t believe what you believe.
At the end of the day, you always have to trust your gut instinct and if it’s telling you to run for the hills, then run for the hills!!
Thanks for sharing your experience and I wish you all the best in life and love!
P.S. Need more great dating advice? Buy my life-changing book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble