How To Tell If It’s A Date Or A Hang Out

Posted on March 3, 2018 by Dee's Dating Diary

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

How would you know if it’s a date or just a hang out?

Dear Dater,

Usually, you should be able to tell by the way he asked you.

Did he ask if you want to go out or did he ask if you want to hang out or get together? If he didn’t specifically ask to “take you out,” “go out,” “do something,” or anything else along those lines, then you’re probably not being asked out on a date.

Generally speaking, if you’re being asked to “hang out,” it’s just that, a hang out. But, if the plan is to hang out at a place other than your homes, like a park or any other public place, then it probably is a date.

If you can’t tell from how he asked, you should know what the rendezvous is about when it’s closer to the time of your planned meeting. Closer to that time, your date should be telling you what the plan is. But…

You can also subtly sneak this into conversation by saying something like, “I’m looking forward to getting together on Saturday, did you have anything in mind you wanted to do?” This way, you can gauge what his intentions are as far as it being a date or a hang out/Netflix and chill.

If he responds to this with, “Nope” or “I thought we could just chill and watch a movie,” then you know what it is.

However, if he says something like, “I’m not sure, what would you like to do?” Then I would take it as a date!

I hope this helps and thanks for reaching out to me with your dating question!

Yours Truly,

Start attracting the men and relationships you really want! Get my book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve!

Do You Have An Unreasonable Deal-Breaker?

Posted on January 27, 2018 by Dee's Dating Diary

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I exchanged phone numbers with someone through an online dating app and he immediately called me. The first thing he says to me is, “What are your deal-breakers?”

The question threw me off and I guess I was silent for a few seconds so he quickly says, “Well I asked because I have a big deal-breaker and if we don’t agree then dating each other isn’t going to work out.” I was kind of shocked because I’ve never had a man say anything like this to me before, but I was also really curious about what this deal breaker was so I asked him, “What’s your deal-breaker?”

He says, “Do you believe in evolution??”

I’m like, “Uhhh, I’m Christian so I believe God created people as opposed to us evolving from a species of animal.” Well, this set him clean off!

He says, “I received my master’s in evolutionary biology so I literally specifically studied this stuff and there is a lot of clear evidence and proof that we evolved from another species and if you don’t believe it then you’re just ignorant because the facts of evolution are out there and it’s true!”

I said, “I do believe in Darwinism and survival of the fittest, but I don’t believe we evolved from another species.” He then said I need to educate myself because science has proved this to be undoubtedly true.

At this point, I felt pretty offended and put off and got a little combative with him, I said, “Science had also been used in the past to prove the inferiority of black people and women so I’m not sold on anything just because it came from some random scientists. It was science that once said black people are better athletes because we have an extra muscle or something.”

My point was just that science has been used in the past to promote other agendas and I don’t just blindly believe everything that comes from scientists.

I could tell he definitely didn’t like what I said and he proceeded to question my education and asked me if I had even gone to college. I told him I also have a graduate degree, but not in evolutionary biology. Then I asked him, “So what job can you get with a masters in evolutionary biology other than a job teaching that very subject?” –I know I was being rude, but I was offended and couldn’t bite my tongue anymore…

He responded, “Right now, I tutor graduate students in the evolutionary biology program.”

I laughed really hard, in my head. LOL!

I was completely turned off by this guy and didn’t want to continue our back and forth jabs so I told him I had to get ready for bed and needed to go. He said, “Even though you don’t believe in evolution, I can tell you’re smart and I would like to talk again.”

I said, “Okay,” but got off the phone and never responded to him again.

Although he was willing to give me a chance even though I don’t believe in evolution, he really rubbed me the wrong way and I just didn’t want to talk to him ever again. Am I wrong? Should I have given him a chance?

Dear Dater,

Wow! That’s a new one. I thought I had heard it all, as far as deal-breakers, but I guess not!

It’s definitely strange that someone’s deal-breaker would be not believing in evolution, but, hey, plenty of people have plenty of unreasonable wants in a partner.

While I do acknowledge that some of us have beliefs that we need our partner to share, I don’t feel that believing in evolution needs to be one of those shared beliefs.

Here’s the kicker for this guy, just because a woman believes in evolution doesn’t mean that she’s a good person or will be a great girlfriend or wife one day. Believing in evolution definitely doesn’t speak to whether someone will treat you well, respect you, or even stay faithful to you.

So it’s pretty unreasonable for him to think that believing in evolution is going to make a woman right for him. And, unfortunately for him, this particular deal-breaker is going to cut him off from a lot of amazing women in this world!

Obviously, this guy connected with you on some level and may have felt that he was being unreasonable with the evolution thing, which is why he said he wanted to talk to you again anyway. However, it’s completely understandable if he has put such a bitter taste in your mouth that you never want to talk to him again.

In my personal opinion, he’s probably not the right person for you anyway because the man you’re meant to be with would never call you ignorant or insult your intelligence just because you don’t believe in evolution or his other beliefs.

It’s one thing to have different opinions and it’s another thing to insult and offend people simply because they don’t share your opinions or beliefs. Meaning, you should still be aware of how the men you date are talking to you. A man who is willing to put you down and insult you because he doesn’t like your perspective is not a man worth your time.

It’s okay to have different views, but it’s not okay to be rude to someone because they don’t believe what you believe.

At the end of the day, you always have to trust your gut instinct and if it’s telling you to run for the hills, then run for the hills!!

Thanks for sharing your experience and I wish you all the best in life and love!

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

P.S. Need more great dating advice? Buy my life-changing book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Help! He Got My Number Then Asked If I Could Have Kids!

Posted on June 3, 2017 by Dee's Dating Diary

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

After a few messages on an online dating website, I gave my number to this really good-looking man. He called me almost immediately and the conversation started off normal enough. However, barely ten minutes into our conversation he asks me, “can you have kids?”

I was so shocked I couldn’t even speak for a moment. After a few seconds I said, “Why would you ask me that??” He said that because he wants to have children he needs to make sure that the woman he dates can have kids.

I told him that it’s obvious from my young age that I can have kids, but that I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy from the question and would feel bad for the woman who has to answer “yes” and explain something very sensitive and personal to a perfect stranger. I said the question was inappropriate and something he shouldn’t ask a woman until he gets to know her well.

At this point, he got defensive and said I should only be offended if I couldn’t actually have kids, but since I can it shouldn’t be a big deal. He had completely turned me off and I was repulsed by him altogether. I eventually ended the conversation and I don’t plan on talking to him ever again. Am I wrong for writing him off?

Dear Dater,

Wow! What a horrible question to ask a woman during the first phone call. You shouldn’t have been subjected to this question so early on and this guy clearly lacks manners and common sense. Whether or not a woman can have kids is a very touchy subject and no woman should have to explain to a man she doesn’t know why she can’t have children.

Although this man says he wants kids and, therefore, needs to ensure he dates a woman who can have kids, this was the wrong way to go about it and he lost a good prospect because of his inappropriateness and lack of consideration of your feelings.

At the end of the day, you shouldn’t feel bad about not talking to this man ever again. Don’t worry I’ll explain why.

Do You Want A Man Who Listens To Your Concerns?

You see, you actually voiced your feelings and let this man know that you felt uncomfortable and offended by his question and instead of hearing you out to understand where you are coming from and apologize for his insensitive question, he tried to convince you that you shouldn’t be offended at all because you can have kids.

Here’s where this man’s thinking is flawed: A question isn’t offensive based on the response a person may give. Certain questions are just offensive on their own no matter what someone’s response may be.

Since this guy wouldn’t hear you out or try to understand your perspective and instead wrote your feelings off, he’s not the man for you!

Every woman needs a companion who will not only hear her feelings and concerns, but who will also not try to convince her that she is wrong for feeling offended. You want to date a man who can recognize and acknowledge that he has done or said something inappropriate after you explain why something is wrong.

The man who thinks he can do or say no wrong is a dangerous man to date!

For more great dating advice and tips for being safe while dating, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Help! Do I Need To Ask All My Dates If They’re Single?

Posted on May 20, 2017 by Dee's Dating Diary

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I met this great man and we immediately hit it off. We talked for almost an hour before exchanging numbers. During that conversation he mentioned that he had been divorced for years and didn’t want to get married again, but I was okay with that because I’m not sure that I really want to get married either. I just know I want a great life companion.

Cut to 2 days later. He calls me and we talk for a couple of minutes before he says, “Well, I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing while I was driving home from work… You know, since I can’t text and drive.”

This gave me a funny feeling because it felt like he was implying that he couldn’t talk once he got home, which then made me think that he had a girlfriend at home. So, I mustered up the courage and asked, “are you single??” My heart sank when he said, “No, but I’m not married so technically I am single.”

Then he said, “I wanted to be upfront and honest with you about that because you seem like a good person.” Disgusted, I ended the conversation saying thanks for being honest, but I have to go. Just when I think I’ve met a great man, he turns out to have a girlfriend! It’s very frustrating! So, my question to you Dee is:

Do I really have to ask every man I go out with whether he is single or not? I feel like this guy would have dated me until he got caught if I never asked…

Dear Dater,

I just want to start by saying I’m sorry that you felt you had a great connection with a man who turned out to be in a relationship. You definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up over this.

While he should have been honest about the fact that he had a girlfriend, as a single woman it’s not a bad idea to ask the men you go out with if they’re single or not. Although some men will still lie in order to cheat on their girlfriends, not asking may produce more situations like these.

Trust Your Gut Instincts

Now, if you’re a great judge of character and can easily spot inconsistencies that quickly let you know a man is dating another woman, you may not need to ask this question (and that does seem to be the case with you since you sniffed this guy out pretty quickly).

I think the most important thing to take away from this situation is that you should always trust your gut instincts. Here, your gut said something wasn’t right because a man should want to talk to you in his home, not rush you off the phone before he gets there.

This feeling of something being off is what you always want to pay attention to because ignoring it can easily lead to you getting your heart broken. So, while you may encounter some dishonesty on your quest to finding real love, don’t make it any easier for men to deceive you by avoiding questions you feel inclined to ask.

Was He REALLY A Great Man?

Also, you call this guy a “great man,” but how is he great? Just because you felt like you “clicked” with him doesn’t negate the fact that this is a deceptive person. For all you know, he was putting on an act from the moment you met him in order to win you over and cheat on his girlfriend.

Don’t make yourself feel worse about this situation by wrongly classifying this man as a great person you connected with.

All in all, you did the right thing. By paying attention to your gut, identifying a serious red flag, and addressing it immediately, you ultimately prevented yourself from falling head over heels for a cheating philanderer.

Always trust your gut instincts because they’ll never lead you in the wrong direction!

For more great dating advice, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Need Dating Advice? Get A Free Consultation With Dee The Dating Coach!

Posted on May 6, 2017 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Help! We Had A Great First Date, But He Hasn’t Called Since

Posted on April 29, 2017 by Dee's Dating Diary

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I had a great first date with this guy, but almost a week has gone by and he hasn’t called or texted me. I thought we made a good connection and were into each other, but now I’m starting to feel like I was wrong.

What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted me in days? Does he not want to see me again? Did I do something wrong? I will admit our date was a Netflix and chill night and he tried to make a few moves on me, but I didn’t sleep with him and only kissed him at the end of the night. Should I reach out to him? Is he waiting to see if I want to continue talking?

Dear Dater,

If you had a date with a man and he hasn’t called or texted you for more than 3 days after your date, he’s just not that interested in you. However, because this guy wanted to “Netflix and chill” and did make some passes at you, he may not have been looking for a potential relationship and was only interested in getting in your pants.

Since you rejected his advances and only kissed him at the end of the night, he may have decided to move on to an easier target.

Don’t feel bad about this. It’s really a great thing because now this guy won’t be in the way of the right man coming into your life. You don’t want to waste time dating the wrong men so don’t dwell on this situation or reach out to him to force a conversation that isn’t meant to take place.

Also you should avoid having a Netflix and chill date for at least the first 5-6 dates. You don’t want to subject yourself to men making aggressive passes at you or even worse, forcing themselves on you. It’s better to be safe and wait until you get to know a man better before you invite him into your home or go to his.

Furthermore, you’re more likely to move faster with a man when you’re in the comfort of a home as opposed to somewhere like a restaurant. So, hold off on the Netflix and chill and stick to public dates until you’ve gotten to know each other much better.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone