Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I met this great man and we immediately hit it off. We talked for almost an hour before exchanging numbers. During that conversation he mentioned that he had been divorced for years and didn’t want to get married again, but I was okay with that because I’m not sure that I really want to get married either. I just know I want a great life companion.
Cut to 2 days later. He calls me and we talk for a couple of minutes before he says, “Well, I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing while I was driving home from work… You know, since I can’t text and drive.”
This gave me a funny feeling because it felt like he was implying that he couldn’t talk once he got home, which then made me think that he had a girlfriend at home. So, I mustered up the courage and asked, “are you single??” My heart sank when he said, “No, but I’m not married so technically I am single.”
Then he said, “I wanted to be upfront and honest with you about that because you seem like a good person.” Disgusted, I ended the conversation saying thanks for being honest, but I have to go. Just when I think I’ve met a great man, he turns out to have a girlfriend! It’s very frustrating! So, my question to you Dee is:
Do I really have to ask every man I go out with whether he is single or not? I feel like this guy would have dated me until he got caught if I never asked…
I just want to start by saying I’m sorry that you felt you had a great connection with a man who turned out to be in a relationship. You definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up over this.
While he should have been honest about the fact that he had a girlfriend, as a single woman it’s not a bad idea to ask the men you go out with if they’re single or not. Although some men will still lie in order to cheat on their girlfriends, not asking may produce more situations like these.
Trust Your Gut Instincts
Now, if you’re a great judge of character and can easily spot inconsistencies that quickly let you know a man is dating another woman, you may not need to ask this question (and that does seem to be the case with you since you sniffed this guy out pretty quickly).
I think the most important thing to take away from this situation is that you should always trust your gut instincts. Here, your gut said something wasn’t right because a man should want to talk to you in his home, not rush you off the phone before he gets there.
This feeling of something being off is what you always want to pay attention to because ignoring it can easily lead to you getting your heart broken. So, while you may encounter some dishonesty on your quest to finding real love, don’t make it any easier for men to deceive you by avoiding questions you feel inclined to ask.
Was He REALLY A Great Man?
Also, you call this guy a “great man,” but how is he great? Just because you felt like you “clicked” with him doesn’t negate the fact that this is a deceptive person. For all you know, he was putting on an act from the moment you met him in order to win you over and cheat on his girlfriend.
Don’t make yourself feel worse about this situation by wrongly classifying this man as a great person you connected with.
All in all, you did the right thing. By paying attention to your gut, identifying a serious red flag, and addressing it immediately, you ultimately prevented yourself from falling head over heels for a cheating philanderer.
Always trust your gut instincts because they’ll never lead you in the wrong direction!
For more great dating advice, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.
I agree with you Dee. Was this guy really a “great man? Why would the woman even feel like he was? Her values or perspective of what a good man is may not line up with her desires and expectations.
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Well said Jason! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
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