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Category Archives: Relationship Problems
Are You Just His Dating Option?
In this short video, I’m sharing dating advice that EVERY woman needs to hear! Go ahead and click play!
Till Next Time,
3 Ways To Take Control Of Your Dating Life
In this dating advice video, I discuss 3 ways that women can start taking control of their dating lives today!
For the full scoop, get my book– Picking Up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
6 Excuses Men Give For Disappearing While Dating
Have you ever been dating a man and suddenly he disappears into thin air and drops off of the face of the planet? Most of us have!
In this short video, I discuss 6 common unacceptable excuses men give for going MIA while dating.
If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my YouTube Channel– A Moment with Dee Simone — for full access to all of my dating advice videos.
Till Next Time,
10 Signs You’ll Never Be Your Boyfriend’s Wife
Wondering if your boyfriend will ever marry you?
In this video, I discuss 10 signs that show you that your boyfriend will never propose to you or marry you. If you like the video, please subscribe to my YouTube Channel– A Moment with Dee Simone.
Also, check out these must-read articles:
Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband
Red Flag: Does He Pull Disappearing Acts?
Till Next Time,
Did You Breakup With Your Boyfriend Because A “Spark” Was Missing?
Our past relationships have a big impact on who we choose to date in the future. Whether it leads us to dating better men or the same types of men we previously dated really just depends on whether we properly processed (mentally) our past relationships, learned the necessary lessons, and implement positive changes.
Unfortunately, most women don’t do this.
And while this perpetuates many different dating and relationship problems, today I want to focus on a more subtle problem that kills great relationships– thinking a “spark” is missing.
What Is The “Spark?”
The Merriam-Webster dictionary has several definitions for the word “spark.” However, the one that best fits relationships is this: “something that sets off a sudden force.” And still, this definition is pretty vague.
In the end though, it doesn’t really matter how any dictionary or person defines a spark because the spark is really what we individually believe it to be. One woman might believe that the spark is having butterflies in her stomach while another woman might feel that the spark is wanting to continue talking to someone for hours on end.
Ultimately, the spark is a highly subjective concept.
Every woman is looking for that spark when she’s dating a man. But how do you actually define a spark and is your definition of a spark hurting your relationships or leading you to dating terrible guys?
Are You Used To The Emotional Roller Coaster?
When women date men who treat them poorly and put them through a lot of ups and downs, which I call the emotional roller coaster, they consequently develop unhealthy attachments to these men and often confuse those feelings of extreme anxiety then satisfaction, during the ups and downs, as a strong spark and growing feelings of love.
They think those anxious feelings they have while waiting for Mr. Wrong to do right are really butterflies. But they’re not…
Then, when they meet a good man who is honest, genuine, and grounded, they think a spark is missing and, therefore, must be dating the wrong man.
Are You Really Missing A “Spark?”
But before you cut things off with your next boyfriend because you think there’s no spark in the relationship, ask yourself this–are we lacking a connection or is there just a lack of drama in the relationship?
It’s extremely important that you evaluate what you believe the spark is because some women easily confuse stability as a lack of a spark when they’ve wrongfully internalized drama as the norm.
So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re dating the right man because you feel that something is missing, think: am I missing a spark or am I missing the drama?
Be honest with yourself so you can openly embrace a great, stable relationship with a great man!
Till Next Time,
Dee
Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Photo Credit: Photo by Allan Filipe Santos Dias on Unsplash
Flawed Belief Systems That Keep Women Single
I had the privilege of going on Renaissance Relationship Therapy with Life Purpose Coach and Matchmaker Tem’Ti to discuss flawed belief systems that keep women single.
Find out what beliefs you’re holding on to that are preventing you from getting that amazing love and relationship you truly want. Listen to the show below!
Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up The Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve!
A Man’s Take On A Woman’s Dating Advice Book
I provided Andreas Michaelides of Thirsty For Health with a complementary copy of Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve in exchange for an honest review. Here’s some of what he said:
“This book is an efficient down to earth guide for women that want to stop having failed relationships. It covers a lot of issues that a woman should take into consideration and also fix in her life to be able to attract the right man into her life…
I loved the engagement the exercises offer with the reader… I am not a woman, but the philosophy can be applied to both sexes. I learned a lot about me. I did all the exercises, I had to twist the questions for men, but it was a fun thing to do. Also, the book helped me realize and understand a lot of issues I had with my ex-wife and even see and comprehend a lot of her behavior, especially her jealousy scenes…” Continue reading on Thirsty For Health
Ready to change your dating and relationship life for the better? Get your copy of Picking up the Pieces today: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Books-A-Million | Smashwords
Till Next Time,
Dee
15 Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend
Today, it’s become harder and harder for some women to decipher their place in a man’s life. They aren’t sure how to define the relationship or don’t know if what they have is a relationship at all.
It’s not uncommon to see a woman give some guy months or even years of her attention just to learn down the line that he never wanted anything that was more than casual.
Communication Is Key
If you find yourself in an awkward space where you don’t know if you’re in a relationship or dating towards having a serious relationship, the best thing to do is to have an open, honest conversation with the person you’re dating to see if you’re on the same page as far as pursuing a relationship.
I think it’s important to note though, that some men will be very vague and obscure when having the “what are we” conversation. Some men don’t want to lose the great situationship they have with you, but also don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you either.
So, they will try to keep you in limbo for as long as possible so they can delay getting to the point of having to seriously commit to you or break things off.
Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend
If you’ve talked about your situationship, but feel like you didn’t get clarity or only feel more confused, consider the following signs to determine whether you might be your guy’s next serious girlfriend or just his late night creep:
1. He Never Spends More Than 3-4 Hours With You
2. He’s Always “Too Busy” To Make Real Plans With You
3. He Never Takes You Out In Public
4. He Only Hangs Out With You After 9pm
5. All You Do Is Netflix And Chill
6. He Says He Doesn’t Believe in Using Labels (until you see him calling someone else his fiancé a few years later)
7. He Doesn’t Let You Meet His Friends Or Family And Avoids Yours
8. He Pretends Like He’s Alone When Someone Calls Him And Asks What He’s Doing
9. He’s A Ghost When You’re On Your Period And Resurfaces When It’s Over
10. You Only Hear From Him Once or Twice A Week Or Only A Few Times A Month
11. He Rejected Your Facebook Friend Request
12. He Lies And Says He Doesn’t Have A Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat Account
13. He Won’t Commit To Any Future Plans With You (i.e. vacations, trips, weddings, events, etc.)
14. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For A Relationship
15. He Says He Likes The Situationship Just The Way It Is
If you discuss going out in public or becoming more than what you are now and your guy says he likes things just the way they are, he isn’t “ready” for a relationship, or doesn’t think you guys need to define what you are, you’re never going to be in a real relationship with this man and it’s best that you cut your losses and move on, if this isn’t what you want.
For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash
Is Netflix And Chill An Acceptable First Date?
For those of you who are not familiar with the Netflix and chill date, it’s basically a date where you hang out at someone’s home and watch Netflix together.
Here’s the catch, the men that propose these kind of “dates” aren’t interested in having a real date with you. Instead, that want to lay on the couch or bed with you while watching a movie to make it easier for them to make a pass at you and get in your pants.
The Purpose of Netflix And Chill
The Netflix and chill date is really not a date at all. It’s the least amount of effort that a man can put into getting to know you. As a matter of fact, a man who wants to watch Netflix and chill most likely doesn’t really care about getting to know who you are.
He just wants to get you in an environment that will make it easy for him to come on to you. While many women know what to expect if they’re invited to Netflix and chill, some women are surprised to learn that the purpose of the date was for some no-strings-attached fun.
Of course, if you’ve already gone out on other dates, outside the home, then there’s nothing wrong with being invited over to Netflix and chill. However, your first three or four dates should be outside of each other’s home so that having premature sex won’t be an option.
And you’ll give yourself and your date the opportunity to really get to know each other and see if there is potential for a future relationship.
Do You Want A Relationship or Netflix And Chill Nights?
The reality is, men use Netflix and chill as a way to sleep with women as quickly as possible and with as little effort as necessary to accomplish that goal. If you don’t want just have a casual, sexual relationship, you don’t want to start off on that foot.
If you’re interested in more than just sex, you have to act that way and accepting a Netflix and chill date where you end up sleeping with a man too soon does not bring you any closer to attaining that.
Now there are women who claim to be equally interested in sex on the first date as men, but a lot of these women eventually come to regret their decision to move quickly on the first date when they realize the man they slept with is no longer showing any interest.
Will Rejecting A Netflix And Chill Date Get You A Relationship?
I’m not saying that rejecting the Netflix and chill date will land you in a relationship with a man, but I am saying that you increase your chances of growing what you have into a relationship if you get to know the man you’re dating before sleeping with him and give him a chance to do the same.
You might even get to know a man and realize that he isn’t right for you at all, so by not jumping into the Netflix and chill date too soon, you give yourself an opportunity to see if a man is compatible with you before you go as far as sleeping with him.
Want To Know If He’s Interested In More Than Just Sex?
If you want to know if a man is interested in more than just sex, kindly turn down his suggestion for a Netflix and chill date and let him know that you’d like to get out of the house and do something fun or grab a bite or a drink.
If he’s still trying to pressure you into a Netflix and chill night or isn’t receptive to doing anything else, this man only sees you as an opportunity for sex and nothing more.
Survey Results
Two weeks ago, I put an informal survey up on my blog asking, “Are you okay with Netflix and chill dates?” While I did not specify whether it was for a first date or otherwise, I found it interesting that 40% of those surveyed answered “yes,” 40% said “no,” and 20% chose “other.”
What are your thoughts on Netflix and chill for a first date? Let me know in the comments below!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Image Courtesy of Imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
How to Bring Up Relationship Problems Without Making Your Boyfriend Defensive
If you want to bring up relationship problems without making your boyfriend get defensive, you’re going to have to address the conversation from a “This is how I feel” standpoint. Meaning instead of saying “YOU always do this” or “YOU never clean up after yourself,” you have to explain how you feel by speaking in first person.
So, you would say something like, “After a long day at work, I feel so exhausted that’s it’s hard for me to find the energy to clean. It would be so helpful if I had an extra hand around the house.” Speaking from a place of “I” and not, “You” allows a person to hear your concerns more clearly.
Using the word “you” automatically makes most people feel attacked and this is can hold you back from having a productive, positive conversation. Also, being careful to say “I feel…” instead of ” You (insert behavior here)” will keep all the unnecessary low blows out of the discussion.
When you stick to only talking about how you feel, you keep yourself from making the conversation a childish one where you ignite more flames as opposed to putting them out.
Try not to use the word “you” the next time you have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about a relationship problem and see how it goes.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Help! My Boyfriend Slept With Someone Else While We Were Broken Up!
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
It’s been 2 weeks since I got back together with my boyfriend and he came back after the break up even more of a sweetheart, but there is one catch…He admitted to me that he slept with someone else in his words “I was just trying to get you out of my head.”
I totally understand that we weren’t together when it happened so, duh, it wasn’t cheating, but I am struggling with dealing with him being with someone else in-between, that I’m not the only one he’s been with this year/this age he’s at, the fact that he’s got a higher sex number, etc. Our reunion has been bittersweet…On one hand he’s a better man and is willing to give me everything I’ve ever wanted, and on another he slept with someone in such a gross way it’s a huge turn off for me.
I’m having so much trouble coming to terms with this one fact. Am I wrong for letting something that happened when we were broken up affect my happiness? I’m interested in your thoughts.
Dear Dater,
It’s completely understandable that you aren’t comfortable with the fact that your boyfriend slept with another woman while you were broken up. However, you shouldn’t let something that happened while you were broken up affect your happiness.
At this point, you’ve already gotten back together with your ex so if you want to make the relationship work you’re going to have to move past this. But you also need to be honest with yourself, if this is something you’re never going to be able to let go of, then it’s best that you and your boyfriend go your separate ways.
If you’re sure that you want to make this relationship work then you need to know that you won’t get over this situation overnight. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to lessen and eventually eliminate the negative feelings you’re currently having:
1. Get Tested Together
First, I suggest that you and your boyfriend go get tested together. Even if your boyfriend used protection during sex, condoms are not 100% effective against STDs! I think that getting a clean bill of health for both of you will help put your mind at ease and really allow you to start moving on from this.
2. Forgive Him
If you’re going to stay in this relationship, you have to forgive your boyfriend. You can’t continue to dwell on this, hold this over his head, or harbor these feelings or it will have a negative impact on your relationship in the long run.
Since you were broken up when he slept with someone else he really didn’t violate your relationship. However, if your boyfriend broke up with you for the sole purpose of sleeping with someone else, that would be a totally different story, but I don’t believe that is the case here.
3. Have An Honest Conversation
You need to have a conversation with your boyfriend where you let him know that you were bothered by him sleeping with someone else while broken up, but that you fully forgive him and want to move forward.
You also want to let your boyfriend know that you won’t hold this over his head or bring it up in future arguments so that he’ll know he won’t have to pay for this the entire relationship.
4. Don’t Focus On His “Number”
Unfortunately, you most likely won’t have the same number of sex partners as the men you date. This is just the reality so you have to move past wanting to have the same number as your boyfriends. The most important thing is that your future boyfriends practice safe sex and get tested regularly so they never put your health at risk!
I hope this advice helps you and I wish you all the best in your love life!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Dee Simone Guest Stars on The Right To Real Love Radio Show!
Today, I’m guest starring on The Right to REAL Love Radio show hosted by Jay Mayo! On this episode, we discuss the topic of treating your boyfriend like a husband. The topic was inspired by my article “Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband!” But, on the show, we take a much deeper dive into the topic and Jay Mayo really creates a multifaceted conversation through his unique male perspective.
Not only do we address the problems and difficulties associated with treating your boyfriend like a husband, but we also address important implications of this behavior that every woman should know! I had a great time recording with Jay Mayo and you’re not going to want to miss this conversation! You can listen right here:
You can also listen to the show directly on The Right to REAL Love website where you’ll also find some great notes from the show: The Right to REAL Love Radio: Are You Treating Your Boyfriend Like a Husband?
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Best of Dee’s Dating Diary 2014
Dee’s Dating Diary brought you some of the best dating advice in 2014. From red flags to first date etiquette to online dating, Dee’s Dating Diary truly provided need-to-know dating advice! Since 2014 really flew by, you may have missed some … Continue reading
The Most Important Thing to do After a Break Up
Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
After a break up, an important part of the healing and learning process is reflecting back on the relationship.
The relationship playback is basically the process of playing back the relationship in your mind from the first date until the last day.
The relationship playback is the time when you’re able to see all those signs that were showing you the problems in your relationship. What once seemed like small unimportant things now look like obvious red flags you should have picked up on.
This process can be difficult and mentally exhausting. But, it truly helps you learn valuable lessons to grow from because it allows you to see your relationship more objectively since you’ve been removed from the situation altogether.
Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Trust Your Gut!
How many times have you had a genuine feeling that your boyfriend was cheating on you just to eventually find out that you were right?
When your gut tells you that your boyfriend is not being faithful to you, trust your gut! It’s called women’s intuition for a reason! You’ve been given a special gift that allows you to sense when things aren’t right.
These feelings are usually a result of red flags that your mind has processed, but that you didn’t really pay attention to or you purposefully ignored.
Whether it’s cheating or something else, the next time your gut tells you something isn’t right, don’t just write those feelings off because you may eventually come to regret that decision.
Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The Relationship PlayBack
Perhaps your ex boyfriend was very controlling, but you didn’t realize it until you were already in a committed relationship.
Well, the relationship playback, if you’re open to growing, allows you to learn from your mistakes. It really is the best way to avoid carrying emotional baggage from one relationship into your future dating!
The relationship playback is where you take note of those red flags you need to watch for in the future. And, it also gives you the opportunity to recognize and correct those relationship problems that you created or enabled.
So, after a break up, make sure you do the relationship playback so you can gain the wisdom that’s necessary to attract a great, loving, and healthy relationship in the future!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Related Articles You’ll Like
Red Flag: Does He Pull Disappearing Acts?
Are We Learning or Barely Discerning?: Serial Relationships
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
You’re not necessarily supposed to be in a relationship for every year of your adult life. Yet, you’ll often find women who are envious of their friends with serial relationships.
You know the women I’m talking about, the ones who are never single for more than a few weeks at a time, the ones who jump from one relationship to the very next without even batting an eye. They’ve always had serial relationships.
But, these are not women to be jealous or envious of.
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
How Many Relationships Should You Have?
If you’re wondering how many relationships you’re supposed to have, realize that there is no magic number that’s going to bring you any closer to your “Mr. Right.”
Your chances of meeting the right man and getting married is not dependent upon the number of relationships that you’ve had in your life.
At the end of the day, what’s truly important is your ability to learn from your past relationships in order to recognize and change those things that prevent you from attracting quality men and healthy relationships.
If you jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to think about the choices you made or bad behavior you accepted, you’ll continue to have bad relationship after bad relationship and you’ll face the same issues each time if not worse.
Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Inhibiting Self-Awareness & Change
Some women won’t leave a bad relationship until there’s another man to latch onto and this isn’t healthy at all. In doing this, you avoid facing and addressing serious issues you have with yourself and your relationships.
Going from relationship to relationship, doesn’t give yourself enough time to heal, learn, and grow from that experience. But, why is this important?
It’s important because you’ll never learn the lessons you’re supposed to from your past relationships with men. It’s important because you’ll continue to choose the wrong kind of men and make the same mistakes over and over.
Serial relationships don’t enable you to do the deep soul-searching that needs to be done to figure out why you chose to date your ex, what mistakes you made, and what changes need to be made in your dating life.
Be accountable, be knowledgable of your actions and yourself, take the time to reflect on your relationship and heal before you look to getting into another one!
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Are You Envying A Healthy Relationship?
Some women are jealous of another woman’s serial relationships, not because those relationships are healthy or have a great dynamic, but simply because they just want a boyfriend too.
Most of the time, when women are envious of their friends with serial relationships, those relationships are usually unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be envied at all.
The truth is, you should never envy another person’s relationship. The old saying is certainly true, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.”
Unfortunately, many women are more than happy to put up fake fronts about how great their relationship is, even if she’s miserable in it.
Therefore, you should never get caught up wanting what someone else has. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors.
Don’t Entertain Self-Doubt
When you have a friend that easily finds her next relationship, it may make you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t able to do the same.
But, you aren’t inadequate or lacking in any way simply because you haven’t had as many relationships as your friends or because you’ve been single for awhile.
Don’t be jealous or envious of your friends that always have a man. Focus on growing as a person and taking much needed lessons from your past relationships and dealings with men so your next relationship will be a better and healthier one!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
For more great dating advice and must-read dating articles, Follow me on Twitter Here and on Facebook Here
Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”
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This week, I wanted to address a very common red flag that most younger women tend to overlook.
How many times have you had plans with a man just for him to be a “no call, no show?”
You made plans the day before or even days in advance, but when the time comes to see each other he’s not picking up his phone. And, he’s definitely not calling back.
Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What Does “Falling Asleep” On You Mean?
If a man stands you up and tells you the next day that he “fell asleep,” trust me, HE’S LYING!
The harsh reality is that he’s not into you at all! Men don’t fall asleep when they have plans with a woman.
Most likely, he found something better to do, maybe with another woman, or he wasn’t even in the mood to talk to you or deal with you at all.
It’s sad that some men don’t even have enough respect for a woman to call her and cancel their plans. The truth is, he shouldn’t have made plans with you in the first place.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
This Won’t Be The Last Time
One thing that I can guarantee you though, if a man tells you that he fell asleep when you had plans, this won’t be the last time that he’s a “no call, no show.”
The only difference will be that each time he “disappears” on you like this, he’s excuses will get bigger and bigger.
It could go from “falling asleep” to “losing his phone” to “being sick in the hospital.”
Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
How Do You Handle It?
When the guy you had plans with doesn’t call you or return your call, either you start worrying about his well-being OR you get pissed!
Pissed that he’s standing you up. Pissed that he doesn’t have the decency to call or cancel the date. Pissed that he put you through this (and you got all cute and everything too)!
Now, some women in this position will call the man once or twice while others will blow up his phone all night and probably leave a few voicemails or texts cursing him out.
All of that is unnecessary though! When a man stands you up, the last thing you need to do is worry about his well-being, blow up his phone, or waste your energy cursing him out!
Image courtesy of PhotoStock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Did You Push For The Date?
Interestingly enough though, women usually encounter these situations when they are the ones pursuing the man. Think about it.
If this has ever happened to you, were you the one that pushed the topic of getting together? Did he actually say he wanted to do something with you or did he just agree to your suggestion to meet?
It’s important not to chase men into relationships. You may get some attention from your efforts, but it may not be lasting.
Let a man go after you so that you don’t force yourself on someone that just isn’t that into you.
The next time a man “falls asleep” on you, drop him like a hot potato and never look back!!
For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve
Till Next Time,
Dee
Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary
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Dating Down
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
In this day and age, it’s quite unfortunate that you see so many women “dating down.”
But, what is dating down, you ask?
Dating down is when you date men that aren’t good for you or worthy of you.
Image courtesy of Nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Common Types of “Dating Down”
If you’re dating a man that doesn’t respect and cherish you and the value that you bring to the relationship, and instead, puts you down, cheats on you, abuses you or controls your every movement, then you’re dating down.
Do you have to fight for attention? Ask your man to call you? Or remind him that you exist?? You’re dating down.
Are you an ambitious, driven, well-educated woman dating a man who isn’t ambitious or driven to, for example, learn a trade/skill, pursue entrepreneurial endeavors, or pursue a higher education? Well, you’re dating down.
Are you supporting a man that isn’t self sufficient? Whether he’s “borrowing” your money or your car, face it, you’re dating down!
Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Problems With Dating Down
When you date down, you open yourself up to significant problems that you shouldn’t have to deal with.
These relationships negatively affect your self-esteem. You’ll probably start to think that this is what you deserve. That you’ll never find better.
You’ll eventually downplay your self-worth and, consequently, your self-confidence will dwindle as well.
When you’re treated poorly or stay in the wrong relationship, you’ll get desensitized to those things that you shouldn’t have to accept.
The chances of your next relationship being healthier or better is slim because you’ve gotten used to accepting less than what you need and deserve from a relationship. This easily turns into a cycle.
You may even falsely believe that it’s better to have this man than no man at all.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Ready For Change?
Dating down can lead you to resenting the man you’re dating because he’s not who you want him to be. But, truthfully, you can only blame yourself for choosing to date a man that wasn’t right for you in the first place.
If you’ve been dating down, you owe it to yourself to let that relationship go in order to attract a man who actually deserves you. A man who appreciates your worth, a man you don’t have to financially support, a man who has ambition.
Give yourself a chance to attract a man that is on your level. Someone who is self sufficient and can pay his own bills and maintain his own car.
You’ll never have a better relationship as long as you stay in the wrong one. So free yourself now, as hard as it may be, so that you can have true happiness in the future.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
He Can’t Complete You!
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Many women feel they need a man to “complete” them. They’ll say a man is their “better half” or “he completes me.”
But, the truth is, a man can’t complete you. Only you can complete you! Two halves won’t actually make a whole, so you need to feel whole with or without a man.
It’s unfair to yourself to base your completeness and happiness on whether you’re in a relationship.
And, if you do, you’ll be miserable when you’re single and possibly desperate for any man who will show you attention.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What’s The Root of the Issue?
To say that a man completes you, is to say that you have some void in your life without a man.
You have to be complete on your own before entering a relationship or this could cause other serious issues with your boyfriend.
Ultimately, dependency issues may be at the root of needing a man to “complete” you. Are you clingy or needy in your relationships?
You may find yourself not wanting to do any activities without your boyfriend. Or, maybe you don’t want him to do any activities without you.
Either way, falling victim to this “he completes me” mentality may lead you to becoming unhealthily dependent on your boyfriend and relationship.
It’s time to start evaluating yourself. You need to figure out why you think you need a man to complete you.
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Self-Actualization
If you say that a man completes you, then you’re incomplete when he’s gone. What are you when your “better half” leaves?
Why aren’t you a complete person without a man?
Honestly think about these questions so that you can help yourself come to terms with the fact that you’re an amazing woman who doesn’t need any person to complete you!
You are and always will be a whole person. You were born as a complete woman and to allow yourself to think otherwise is absurd.
A man is meant to complement who you are, NOT complete you! Remember that!!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Choose Your Battles Wisely!
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I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.
There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.
For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.
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The Urge To Push
Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.
The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.
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Effect of Constantly “Nagging”
Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.
Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.
While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.
If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!
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Focus On One Issue
Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.
If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”
But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.
You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.
Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.
Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.
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Positive Reinforcement
After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.
Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.
Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.
You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.
Conclusion
Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.
So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.
You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dee's Dating Diary 