8 Things Guys Secretly Love

James Michael Sama

Whether a guy is just starting to date a woman or is in a committed relationship with her, there are small things that she may do without thinking twice that guys secretly love.

While there are many, here are eight to start.

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Laying your head on his chest.

When laying on the couch watching TV or laying in bed after a long day, it’s one of the best feelings when a woman lays her head down on your chest and puts her arm over you.

As men, we enjoy feeling as though we are being protective, and this signifies that she feels safe in our arms.

When you text him first.

There is a lot of pressure on guys to always initiate conversation. Sometimes he may not know if he’s being too pushy or texting too much – he might overthink it and not text you at all, which could…

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You shouldn’t have to tell him to call you!

Image courtesy of Victor Habbick/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Okay, ladies. Be honest, how many times have you found yourself asking the man you’re dating to call you?

Have you had to suggest that a man calls you even if he won’t be seeing you that particular day?

Well, if you’ve found yourself telling the man your dating to call you, let it be the last time!

The truth is, if you have to tell a man to call you, one, he’s not thinking about you; two, you’re not a priority to him; and three, he might not actually like you.

Maybe you had a bunch of dates that you thought were great while he felt that the dates were mediocre.

Ultimately, if you continue trying to force a relationship with a man that barely shows you any interest, you may actually end up in a relationship with this man, but you certainly won’t be happy in it.

If a man can’t even put in effort to call you regularly, do you honestly believe that he will put effort into other aspects of your relationship?

In the end, you’ll be the one with feelings of resentment and hurt. Honestly, you can find any man to take you for granted and not put effort into dating you or having a good relationship with you.

So, why not try something different? If you’ve been doing the same things over and over again in your dating life and you haven’t gotten the results that you want, then step out of your comfort zone and try something new.

For example:

1. Stop trying to force men to call you.

2. Don’t call a man too much.

  • This way you can actually see whether he would even call you and how frequently.

3. Stop wasting time on men that don’t give or show you much attention.

  • Know the difference between a man lusting after you and a man having genuine interest in getting to know who you are!

4. Continue putting yourself out there and date new people.

5. Stop waiting for the phone to ring, make plans and live your life!!!

Give it a try!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

You Can’t See Him Everyday

You shouldn’t be seeing the new man you’re dating every single day of the week for a number of reasons. But, most importantly, you’ll probably have a false sense of knowing who he really is.

Seeing your new beau every day of the week, or trying to see him every day of the week because most likely he’s not trying to be sitting up under you everyday of the week, will also allow a man to get to know you much quicker than he really should.

He may even start to think you may be clingy and need a lot of attention and, ultimately, he may become disinterested and move on.

Fashionable Young Woman

Don’t Force It

If you call a man everyday to hang out with you and he actually accepts every time, you’ll still never know whether he would have called you everyday to see YOU.

You’ll never know how strongly he really feels about you if you’re always the one putting in the effort to contact him. What if another woman had called him to hang out before you? Are you sure he wouldn’t have accepted her invitation?

My point is just that, we have to pull back. You have to stop trying to force something between you and a man and let nature take it’s course.

Wait to see if he even wants to spend this much time with you. If he doesn’t try to see you often or frequently, then maybe he doesn’t feel that strongly about you and maybe you shouldn’t put too much stock into him.

Young Couple

Wait, HE Wants to See You Everyday!

But, maybe he’s the one that tries to see you everyday. If so, that’s great!! However, you still can’t see him everyday. You, as the woman, need to set the tone here.

He’s not going to lose interest in you because you want to take one or two days out of the week to catch up with your friends and family.

Why is it that a man can get to know who a woman is extremely quickly, but it sometimes takes women forever to know who a man really is?

Well, this is because men don’t put everything out on the table immediately after meeting someone as most women do. Hold some of yourself back!!

Why should you be giving more of yourself than a man is giving you? That’s crazy! And, you’ll be the one with the broken heart in the end if you pursue someone who isn’t giving you much of themselves.

It’s A Process

In dating, getting to know each other should be a slower process than what we are seeing play out in dating today. You are not supposed to get to know someone overnight.

In fact, you can’t really get to know someone quickly, and certainly not overnight. You really learn who people are in time. A lot of character traits are revealed over a length of time, like several months, whether revealing that trait was intentional or not.

Annoyed Girl

Hindsight Is 20/20

Haven’t you dated a man and thought you knew him and after the relationship ends, you’re sitting there wondering, “Who was this man?” That’s because you never really knew who he was in the first place.

As you replay the relationship over and over in your head, you eventually discover all the subtleties that were letting you know who you were dating.

Maybe you ignored significant red flags or maybe he was really good at hiding them. Either way, taking the time to really get to know him might have helped you pass this man up and save yourself some heartache.

Categorizing Men

As women, a lot of times we try to learn who a man is quickly and “categorize” him so to say. Once we feel like we “know” who a man is, that’s it. We stick to that notion until it literally has to be ripped from us by the contradiction of a man’s actions.

After we have categorized a man or pigeon-holed him into being the man we want, we fall for the person we created in our minds, not the person that exists before us.

I say “create” because we never really took the time to get to know the man we jumped headfirst into a relationship with.

And, when we look back on the relationship, sometimes we seem to forget that WE forced OUR image or our perception of who this man is on him. We created this reality, not him.

Woman Covering Ears

Slow Down

So, instead, of trying to get to know a man too quickly and categorize him where he doesn’t belong, slow down and take the necessary time to get to know someone. It won’t happen in a day, a week, or a month.

You can’t get to know a man in just days or weeks, look at it as a process, a dance, a play if you would. Characters in plays and movies are developed through the course of the show, in time.

True relationships in the real world are built over time as well. Take your time getting to know a man and give him time to SHOW you who he is.

The Rules Book

According to The Rules: Time-tested Secrets to Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, you should never see a man more than 5-6 times a week unless you’re married. I do agree with this rule, but only to a certain extent.

Obviously, once you’ve been dating for a significant amount of time, you will start seeing each other almost everyday.

But, I don’t believe that every single week you can only see your beaux 5-6 times. I think you can spend an entire week together, however, the next week you shouldn’t see him everyday.

My Rule

So, my rule is really that you can see your man 6-7 times in one week, however, you can’t do this consecutively or have back to back weeks where you’re seeing him every day of the week!

You have to break up the weeks where you see your boyfriend everyday with a week where you only see him a few times. This way, you can still maintain a life of your own, he won’t get overly bored with you, and also won’t feel like he “has” you in the bag and stop putting in effort with you.

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

You Don’t Deserve a Good Man…Yet!!

Angry Woman

 A lot of women put off working on themselves because they feel like “Well, if I’m not in a relationship, what’s the point?” “Who am I working on myself for?”

Well the answer to that question is YOU!

Are You a Good Woman?

Every woman wants a good man, but let’s face it: A good man deserves a good woman, period!

Get yourself together now so that when you’re ready to take that big step, a good man will be ready to take it with you!

Self-Defeating Behavior

We have to stop saying things like, “Well, it’s obvious this guy doesn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with me so why should I change myself??” Or “I’m not looking for anything serious, I just want to date and have fun!”

Well, when you’re done having all that fun, those habits you’ve developed and ingrained into your way of life may be the same habits that keep you from finding and keeping a good man.

If your not interested in fixing your faults or bad habits because you’re not in a relationship or whatever the excuse, here is your reality check:

You still need to work on yourself because bad habits are hard to break and if you don’t start at least trying and practicing now, there’s not much of a chance that you’ll change years down the line!

Practice, Practice, Practice!

Ladies, we all know that it’s hardest to play it cool or follow “the rules” when you are REALLY into a man or have already categorized him as “the one.”

So, you really need to practice not doing those bad habits that get you labeled as “the stalker,”or the “crazy girl” or whatever your kryptonite is. Once you’ve been practicing for awhile, it won’t be as hard to stop yourself from doing those things you know you shouldn’t do.

There’s no need to fall apart and moan about everything you think you are not. Instead, focus on becoming the person that you yourself would want to date.

While some women are aware of the flaws and bad habits that hinder them in the dating world, many women are not. Either way, we all need to continuously work on ourselves for the better. 

What is Working on Yourself?

When I say “work on ourselves,” I mean we need to do some serious introspective evaluations to determine what our bad habits or flaws are and better understand those characteristics that are holding us back in dating, love and life in general.

Perhaps, you’re extremely needy and clingy, or overly distant. Or, your first dates with men are more like interviews or interrogations more so than actual dates.

Do your insecurities or lack of self-esteem lead to you chasing men away with your jealousy or constant need for reassurance and attention?

Maybe you consciously or unconsciously let men know that you are ready to settle down and have kids like yesterday! Regardless of whether a man is actively looking for marriage, kids, and the whole shebang, you can scare him off by putting marriage and kids on the table on the first few dates. This reeks desperation!

Whatever your flaws may be, you yourself need to know what they are! That’s the only way you’ll be able to work on changing them or learn how to downplay them so they don’t negatively affect your life.

Not Everything Can Be Changed

Now, I realize that not every character flaw or bad habit can necessarily be changed, but it can be downplayed! And, for the habits that can be changed, why not change them?

Regardless of whether you’re casually dating, dating the wrong man, or not dating at all, you have to work on yourself!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

 

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