15 Signs You’re Not Okay With Being Friends With Benefits

Today, there are so many people in the “friends with benefits” situation. While many women will say that they have needs too and are okay with having a friend with benefits, the truth is, women usually feel differently after a few weeks or months. Many women go into these situations thinking they can keep their emotions in check and never want more than what they’re getting, but down the line women always want more.

When Does “Friends With Benefits” Stop Working?

If the friends with benefits thing is going well, you’ll start to think, “Hey, we get along and enjoy each other’s company, why don’t we just date each other?” And that’s when things go sour. If you bring up the idea of being more than just hook-up buddies you’ll usually find that the man isn’t interested in being more than what you are now.

Or, maybe your relationship was benefits with no friendship at all and then your guy starts spending time with you outside of the bedroom and you start thinking, “Maybe he’s interested in being more since he’s actually spending quality time with me and not just coming over to have sex.” Well, that’s usually not the case. Just because you start spending more time together doesn’t mean that a man has developed feelings for you and wants to get serious.

Why You Can’t Turn A Hook-Up Buddy Into A Boyfriend

When you become hook-up buddies, your buddy gets to have his cake and eat it too so when you approach him about being more, there’s no way that he is going to want to limit himself to just you. And why would he after he’s been able to have you with no strings attached while still having the option of talking to and sleeping with any other woman he wants.

The reality is, after you have been sleeping with someone for a while, you will start to develop feelings for the person as hard as you try not to. Very few women can actually maintain a casual relationship without eventually wanting to seek more. There are also men who can’t have casual sex without eventually wanting more, but that’s not most men because they tend to be better at separating sex and feelings.

Why You Become “Friends With Benefits”

Most of the time, women do not end up in friends with benefits situations because that is what they are seeking out. Instead, they usually meet a man who lets them know he isn’t interested in a relationship or marriage and the woman goes along with it because deep down inside she feels like she has to take what she can get and she hopes that she can eventually turn the casual sex into a real relationship.

Here’s the thing, you can’t turn sex into a relationship. Yes, you’ve heard of some women that were able to turn their hook-up buddy into a husband, but that’s the exception to the rule not the rule. And we can’t all be the exception, so you have to stop thinking that you can change men and what they say they want.

If you’re not sure whether you’re really okay with being friends with benefits, here are 15 signs you’re not okay being friends with benefits:

  1. You feel bad, sad, frustrated, annoyed, or anything at all about the fact the he comes over, has sex with you, and leaves right after.
  2. You don’t like that he doesn’t sleep over.
  3. You don’t like that he only contacts you late at night or at the last-minute.
  4. You don’t like that he only contacts you when he wants to come over.
  5. You don’t like that he doesn’t take you out or do things with you outside of the house.
  6. You don’t like when he refers to you as a friend.
  7. You wonder whether he’s sleeping with other women.
  8. You don’t want him to sleep with other women.
  9. You don’t like that he hides you from his family and friends.
  10. You don’t like that he won’t meet your girlfriends.
  11. You don’t like that he isn’t affectionate with you.
  12. You don’t like that he flirts with other women around you.
  13. You lie to yourself or your friends and act like you’re in a relationship.
  14. You stop putting yourself out there to meet other eligible men you could potentially have a relationship with.
  15. You wonder if you can turn your hook-up buddy into a boyfriend.

If you think you might want to be more than just friends with benefits, you can’t start the relationship off that way. Take your time and get to know the guys you meet and stop trying to convince yourself that all you want is a casual relationship simply because that’s all you’re being offered at the moment.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Can You Admit To Being Wrong?

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As great as it feels to gloat about being right, you have to be able to humble yourself to admit when you’re wrong.

And, your ability to do this is definitely an indication of your maturity level.

Why Does It Matter?

People deserve to have the satisfaction of you acknowledging that you’re wrong in any given situation.

Admitting when you’re wrong allows people to feel better about talking to you and, ultimately, opening up. It lets them know that you do, in fact, listen to them.

Letting a person know that they have been heard sometimes means more than being right.

Show your boyfriend, girlfriend, friends, and family that you can take the time to hear them out and appreciate what they’re saying.

And, when you’re able to admit you’re wrong, it may make it easier for others to do the same with you.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Perception Is Reality

If you know you’re wrong and don’t verbalize it, you can lead people to feel like you always think you’re right and aren’t willing to genuinely consider other people’s perspective.

Although this may not be the case, perception is reality. What people perceive you to be is what they will think you are regardless of whether it’s true or not.

So, make the effort to show people that you listen, consider the other side, and can admit when you’re wrong.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Misplacing Anger After Being Cheated On

Image courtesy of ChokPhoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ChokPhoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A lot of women have experienced being cheated on. And, I’m sure we can all agree that it’s a very difficult thing to go through.

While it’s completely understandable to be upset and distraught after learning about your boyfriend’s cheating, what isn’t understandable is women’s misplaced anger in these situations.

Why is it that so many women get upset with the “other woman” their boyfriend is having an affair with instead of directing all their anger and hurt towards the man who actually made the commitment to them?

Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Who’s In The Relationship?

When you enter a relationship or marriage, it’s you and your man that makes that commitment or takes those vows.

The woman who slept with your boyfriend or husband never made any commitment to you. She didn’t take any vows, she didn’t agree to exclusivity.

But, for some reason, the other woman is often held to a higher standard of accountability than the man that cheated.

The sad truth is, majority of the time, the man was never honest about the fact that he was in a relationship in the first place.

So, why would you ever want to fight, hurt, or harass the other woman that your man was telling lies to?

 

Image courtesy of ChokPhoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ChokPhoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Who’s Really To Blame?

Misplaced anger and aggression in cheating is a serious problem.

And, it takes away a lot of the man’s accountability and responsibility in the situation.

The man you decided to be in a relationship with cheats on you and you decide to stay in that relationship and punish the other woman? That sounds like a pretty sweet deal for your boyfriend!

But, why let your man avoid the full consequences of his actions when he’s the person who made the commitment to you?

The reality is, women who don’t know you, owe you nothing.

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Was The “Other Woman” Your Friend?

The only person you should be addressing when you’ve been cheated on is your boyfriend or husband. The other woman is not to blame!

Now, if you were friends with the other woman you certainly have a right to be upset with her.

I definitely don’t agree with any woman knowingly going after a taken man and if you find yourself in this kind of situation, then you do need to address the “other woman” in terms of your friendship with her.

But, this still doesn’t give you a pass to fight or harass your friend.

Obviously, this friend isn’t the type of woman you should continue being friends with, but having a civilized conversation about her own betrayal to you is necessary!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Why You Shouldn’t Change Your Facebook Relationship Status

Image courtesy of TungPhoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of TungPhoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Facebook was created as on online medium to stay connected with friends, but, in truth, it’s a forum that showcases every last thing about your personal life.

While you do have the ability to change your privacy settings on Facebook and control who sees what content, the majority of Facebook users (both men and women) are putting way too much information about themselves on their Facebook profiles.

Specifically, when it comes to Facebook relationship statuses, many women tend to broadcast each and every one of their relationships to the Facebook world.

Image courtesy of Arztsamui at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Arztsamui at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When Is It Ok To Change Your Facebook Relationship Status?

Unless you’re married, you should never put your relationship status on Facebook.

Many of the people you’re “friends” with on Facebook aren’t actually your real friends, so you shouldn’t be sharing all your relationships with them.

Truly, it’s nobody’s business on Facebook to know when and who you are in a relationship with.

As you get older and cultivate more Facebook friends that are co-workers and people you met in networking or business events, you especially don’t need to share details about your personal life.

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why You Shouldn’t Change Your Relationship Status On Facebook

I know a lot of you are probably fighting this piece of dating advice, but think about how bad you’ve felt when you’ve had to change your relationship status back to single and you get bombarded with questions directly on your Facebook wall about why the relationship ended.

When you’re Facebook “friends” ask, “Oh my goodness, are you okay,” and “what happened,” on your wall do you really want to respond to these questions directly on your Facebook wall as well? Of course not!

The truth is, no one wants to answer relationship questions on their Facebook wall or any public forum for that matter.

But, because you put your relationship on blast on Facebook, you opened yourself up to people you barely know and friends with bad Facebook etiquette asking you seriously personal questions in a public forum where you wouldn’t want to answer them.

Another reason why you shouldn’t share you’re relationship status on Facebook is that you don’t want everyone on Facebook keeping track of the number of relationships that you’ve had.

Image courtesy of Graur Codrin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Graur Codrin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You’re Single Until You’re Married

Remember, you’re single until you’re married!

When you’re filling out applications or forms, you can only select single, married, or divorced. There’s no box to select for “in a relationship” or “it’s complicated.”

Since you’re single until you’re married, your Facebook relationship status should reflect that!

When you’re married, you can freely and happily broadcast that on Facebook, but until that time keep your relationship status as “single” on your Facebook and other social media accounts.

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Do You Feel Pressure to Get Married?

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Although we live in an era where men and women are getting married at much older ages, this shift hasn’t affected men as much as it has affected women.

Society accepts men being “bachelors” for a longer period of time now. Man can live the bachelor life well into their 30’s without repercussions.

And, in contrast to women, when men are ready to settle down in a relationship in their older age, they are still considered very eligible bachelors.

But, when a woman is over 30, she isn’t necessarily viewed as a very “eligible” bachelorette.

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why The Pressure to Get Married?

Most women in their mid 20’s or even earlier start feeling pressure from their family or friends to find a boyfriend, get married, and have kids.

Most of our parents and grandparents grew up in an era where getting married at a young age was the norm.

Women went from their parent’s house straight to their husband’s house and being married by 18 wasn’t seen the way it is today.

With this, you can understand why older generations don’t necessarily understand a woman’s choice to remain single past the age of about 20.

Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Double Standard

It’s a shame that as a single woman ages, sometimes her value in the eyes of the world tends to decrease while a man’s value tends to increase as he ages.

It’s a clear double standard.

Men age, cultivate their careers, and build their wealth and this makes them more desirable, eligible bachelors to women.

But, it’s not necessarily the same for women. A 40-year old man with his career together is more sought after than a 40 year old woman with her career and life together.

Image courtesy of Kongsky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Kongsky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Fight The Pressure to Get Married?

Here’s the problem…

If you do fall victim to society’s pressure to get married before you’ve met your match, you’ll quickly pick and marry a man who isn’t right for you.

You’ll settle. You’ll let go of all those things you’ve wanted for yourself and pretty much just take what you can get at the moment.

Because, time is of the essence right?

When you feel pressure to be married, you have to remember that settling for any man won’t make you happy in the long run!

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Whose Life Is It? 

While your family and friends may encourage you to settle down with someone who isn’t right for you, you have to remember that it’s YOU who has to be with this person for the rest of your life, not your family or friends!

Your family and friends won’t have to deal with those problems that come with dating and marrying the wrong person, you will!!

Despite the world wanting you to be married, you can’t let this run you into the arms of Mr. Wrong.

Hold out for your Mr. Right, as hard as that may be! He will come along one day and the wait will certainly be worth it!!

Stay strong my single ladies!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

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Family Won’t Forget Your Boyfriend’s Bad Behavior

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What can you expect from your family and friends when you tell them about your boyfriend’s bad behavior and decide to stay in the relationship anyway?

First, you can expect them to write your boyfriend off as a good match for you. They certainly won’t be as supportive of your relationship with him after his wrongdoing.

Second, the negative feelings your family and friends have towards your boyfriend’s wrongdoing could translate to tension, awkwardness, or flat out animosity between your loved ones and your man.

When a woman’s boyfriend and her family don’t get along, the unfortunate consequence is that she may start seeing her family much less, if at all.

Sadly, the tension between your family and boyfriend and the ill-feelings that are harbored often times results in a woman choosing her boyfriend over her family.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Your Family Didn’t Forgive Him

You have to remember, your family isn’t the one who forgives your boyfriend of his wrongdoing, it’s you that forgives him.

And, although you may forgive your man for cheating or some other egregious act, your family and friends will never forget what he did to you or how he hurt you.

Your boyfriend may have apologized to you profusely and showered you with gifts or affection, but your family and friends aren’t on the receiving end of this. So, its much harder for them to let go of your man’s bad behavior since they aren’t a part of the “making up process.”

On top of that, your loved ones may not be willing to sugarcoat their feelings or “play nice” with your boyfriend when he’s around.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Expect Family to Support Your Decision

So, if you plan on staying with your boyfriend after he’s hurt you in some way, don’t expect your family to be supportive of your decision!

Don’t be mad when your family and friends don’t condone your relationship or aren’t even willing to hide their true feelings about your man.

While you don’t want there to be tension between your family and boyfriend, staying in a bad relationship could result in exactly that!

Do you really feel that your family will want you to stay in an unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship? Not a chance!

The reality is, having family and friends that care about your well-being is much more important than having people in your life that are willing to support or encourage your destructive decisions.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Men can’t just be friends with women!

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The question of whether men and women can just be friends is one that regularly comes up in conversations and opinions vary drastically on this topic.

My answer to whether men and women can maintain platonic friendships is slightly more complex than the common answers. It’s two fold, from the male perspective and from the female perspective. It’s definitely worth reading!
Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Can MEN Just Be Friends With Women?

No! Men cannot just be friends with women. If a man starts being friends with a woman, most likely it’s because he hopes to have a sexual relationship down the line.

Men are not like women. They don’t meet a woman and think, “Hey! This is someone I can become good friends with!” When a man meets a women, friendship is not on his mind!

While women can easily meet men and think, “Hey, I don’t see myself with this guy, but we could definitely be friends,” men don’t think this way.

If a man isn’t interested in dating you, most likely, he isn’t going to start including you in his rotation of friends.

He May “Act” Like A Friend

Some men can put on a great act like they aren’t interested in sex at all and only want a friendship. But, if you decide you want to sleep with him, I bet you he won’t turn you down!

Although a woman may genuinely intend to have a platonic friendship with a man, a man’s mind is not in the same place!

A man’s ability to maintain a platonic friendship with a woman depends on two things: his character and how the woman feels about him. I’ll explain below…

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Can WOMEN Just Be Friends With Men?

It depends! Truthfully, there is only one scenario where a woman can just be friends with a man. This can only happen when the woman is not at all attracted to the man and is not interested in dating him.

When a woman isn’t attracted to a man and doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with him, she can easily maintain a platonic friendship with him.

So, a man can only maintain a platonic friendship with a woman if the woman does not want him at all. This is the only way!

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

He Won’t Turn You Down

The truth is, if a woman makes an advance on a man nine times out of ten, he isn’t going to turn her down. So, if a woman is attracted to the man she is friends with, then their platonic relationship is likely to lose the “platonic” real quick!

If a woman definitely doesn’t want the man she is friends with, she:

1. Won’t make any moves on him; and

2. She’s likely to turn down his… unless she’s in a really low place.. :/

Therefore, the only way a platonic friendship between a man and a woman can be maintained is if the woman is not attracted to the man and doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him.

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It Also Depends On His Character

Although the woman can’t be attracted to her male friend for a platonic friendship to work, the male friend also has to be mature and respectful in order to accept and maintain that platonic friendship.

A woman can be as uninterested in her male friend as she wants to be, but if he isn’t respectful enough to not make advances on her and respect her decision to NOT hook up with him, then a friendship in this situation wouldn’t last long either.

A male friend has to be mature enough to respect your decision not to be with him. If he can’t, then it’ll be a matter of time before the woman stops calling him to hang out.

Keep Your Hands To Yourself!?

It’s never fun being around a man that can’t keep his hands and lips to himself, especially when you just want to be friends with him!

However, there is a chance that a woman could reciprocate and help plant the seed to sprouting a friends with benefits situation, but that’s another topic altogether!

But, what’s your opinion? Do you think men and women can maintain platonic friendships? If so, under what circumstances? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee