Valentine’s Day Challenge

Happy Valentine’s Day!


I know it’s a bit early to start shouting, “Happy Valentine’s Day,” but I have a really important Valentine’s Day challenge I want to share with you and you may need a few days to outline your plan of attack!

Don’t get scared, this is a creative, fun way of expressing what is often left unsaid!

Here’s The Challenge:

On Valentine’s Day, you have to tell your significant other and/or your loved ones 5 things that you appreciate and love about them.

In a world where we are so used to people pointing out what is wrong with others or what we need to change about ourselves, it’s that much more important that we make Valentine’s Day (and every day possible) an even more special day by spreading the kind of love that truly touches hearts and fosters positive self-esteem and self-worth.

What’s Your Execution Style Going To Be?

You can deliver your nuggets of appreciation in a Valentine’s Day card, but consider doing this in person or over the phone, if possible.

If your loved one lives in another city or state, mailing them this card or letter goes a long way. Writing letters is almost an extinct art form and anyone who loves you would appreciate this effort, sincerity, and expression of genuine love for the person they are.

We Are All Worth It!

Remember, we are all amazing, unique human beings with different talents and skills that lend itself to the wonderful, variety-filled world that we live in.

Do something different this year. Do something special!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Yours Truly,

Fighting With Your Boyfriend About Where To Spend The Holidays?

The holiday season is such a joyous time. From the beautiful holiday decorations to the quality time you get to spend with your loved ones, the holidays is a time for love not war. But, when you disagree with your boyfriend about where to spend the holidays, it could cause more stress than happiness. 

So, if you want to avoid fighting  about where to spend the holidays, check out my article Where To Spend The Holidays When You’re In A Relationship.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Gualberto107 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Where To Spend The Holidays When You’re In A Relationship

Image courtesy of Gualberto107 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Gualberto107 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The holidays are such a wonderful and joyous time!

But, when you’re in a relationship, it’s not always fun deciding which family to spend the holidays with.

I do have a simple tip for planning your future holidays, but, first, I think it’s important to acknowledge a significant problem women have during the holidays.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Unfortunate Holiday Compulsion

I often find that when women are in relationships, they tend to spend most, if not all, of their holidays with their boyfriend’s family instead of their own.

It’s seems all too easy for many women to forget about their own family and ingratiate themselves into their boyfriend’s family.

While there’s nothing wrong with spending quality time with your man’s family, it definitely becomes a problem when your own family doesn’t get to spend any time with you.

You can’t forsake your family on every holiday. You should still spend some of your holidays with your own family.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t spend any holidays with your boyfriend’s family, you just need to maintain a balance and not forget about the people you grew up with.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tips For The Holidays

Instead of fighting over who’s family to spend the holidays with, divvy up the holidays between your two families.

Spend Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other.

If there’s a particular holiday that is more important to your partner’s family than your own, spend that holiday with them.

You could also spend Christmas with your partner’s family one year and Christmas with your family the next year. This way, each family gets to enjoy you on different holidays each year.

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Is Family Important To You And Your Partner?

If spending time with your family isn’t as important to you as it is to your partner, then you should spend more holidays with your partner’s family.

HOWEVER, I will say, if you highly value family and your partner doesn’t, this could be the source of a lot of conflict in your relationship.

While I do believe that you don’t have to share every single value that your partner shares in order for a relationship to work (See my post: Do You Share The Same Values?), if you value family and your partner does not, this could end up being a serious deal breaker.

If you intend to start a family with your partner one day, you’ll want him or her to value the family you’ve created.

But, if your partner doesn’t value their own family now, how much will they really value the family you create together? Think about that!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Do You Feel Pressure to Get Married?

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Although we live in an era where men and women are getting married at much older ages, this shift hasn’t affected men as much as it has affected women.

Society accepts men being “bachelors” for a longer period of time now. Man can live the bachelor life well into their 30’s without repercussions.

And, in contrast to women, when men are ready to settle down in a relationship in their older age, they are still considered very eligible bachelors.

But, when a woman is over 30, she isn’t necessarily viewed as a very “eligible” bachelorette.

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why The Pressure to Get Married?

Most women in their mid 20’s or even earlier start feeling pressure from their family or friends to find a boyfriend, get married, and have kids.

Most of our parents and grandparents grew up in an era where getting married at a young age was the norm.

Women went from their parent’s house straight to their husband’s house and being married by 18 wasn’t seen the way it is today.

With this, you can understand why older generations don’t necessarily understand a woman’s choice to remain single past the age of about 20.

Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Double Standard

It’s a shame that as a single woman ages, sometimes her value in the eyes of the world tends to decrease while a man’s value tends to increase as he ages.

It’s a clear double standard.

Men age, cultivate their careers, and build their wealth and this makes them more desirable, eligible bachelors to women.

But, it’s not necessarily the same for women. A 40-year old man with his career together is more sought after than a 40 year old woman with her career and life together.

Image courtesy of Kongsky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Kongsky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Fight The Pressure to Get Married?

Here’s the problem…

If you do fall victim to society’s pressure to get married before you’ve met your match, you’ll quickly pick and marry a man who isn’t right for you.

You’ll settle. You’ll let go of all those things you’ve wanted for yourself and pretty much just take what you can get at the moment.

Because, time is of the essence right?

When you feel pressure to be married, you have to remember that settling for any man won’t make you happy in the long run!

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Whose Life Is It? 

While your family and friends may encourage you to settle down with someone who isn’t right for you, you have to remember that it’s YOU who has to be with this person for the rest of your life, not your family or friends!

Your family and friends won’t have to deal with those problems that come with dating and marrying the wrong person, you will!!

Despite the world wanting you to be married, you can’t let this run you into the arms of Mr. Wrong.

Hold out for your Mr. Right, as hard as that may be! He will come along one day and the wait will certainly be worth it!!

Stay strong my single ladies!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

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Do You Share the Same Values?

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Having shared values can definitely reduce the amount of disagreements you have in various areas of your relationship.

For example, if you both want to have kids but practice different religions, there could be serious disagreements over how to raise the children.

But, this is not to say that if you don’t share most of the same values your relationship won’t work. I’m not saying that all!!

Ultimately, it comes down to each persons ability to compromise and be flexible in their “ways.”

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Count Him Out!

The truth is, you could meet a great man that doesn’t share the same beliefs as you, but is accepting of your choice and willing to expose your children to both religions.

So, try to not get caught up in having all of the same beliefs as your man and keep yourself open to great men that could come along in very different packages!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Family Won’t Forget Your Boyfriend’s Bad Behavior

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What can you expect from your family and friends when you tell them about your boyfriend’s bad behavior and decide to stay in the relationship anyway?

First, you can expect them to write your boyfriend off as a good match for you. They certainly won’t be as supportive of your relationship with him after his wrongdoing.

Second, the negative feelings your family and friends have towards your boyfriend’s wrongdoing could translate to tension, awkwardness, or flat out animosity between your loved ones and your man.

When a woman’s boyfriend and her family don’t get along, the unfortunate consequence is that she may start seeing her family much less, if at all.

Sadly, the tension between your family and boyfriend and the ill-feelings that are harbored often times results in a woman choosing her boyfriend over her family.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Your Family Didn’t Forgive Him

You have to remember, your family isn’t the one who forgives your boyfriend of his wrongdoing, it’s you that forgives him.

And, although you may forgive your man for cheating or some other egregious act, your family and friends will never forget what he did to you or how he hurt you.

Your boyfriend may have apologized to you profusely and showered you with gifts or affection, but your family and friends aren’t on the receiving end of this. So, its much harder for them to let go of your man’s bad behavior since they aren’t a part of the “making up process.”

On top of that, your loved ones may not be willing to sugarcoat their feelings or “play nice” with your boyfriend when he’s around.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Expect Family to Support Your Decision

So, if you plan on staying with your boyfriend after he’s hurt you in some way, don’t expect your family to be supportive of your decision!

Don’t be mad when your family and friends don’t condone your relationship or aren’t even willing to hide their true feelings about your man.

While you don’t want there to be tension between your family and boyfriend, staying in a bad relationship could result in exactly that!

Do you really feel that your family will want you to stay in an unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship? Not a chance!

The reality is, having family and friends that care about your well-being is much more important than having people in your life that are willing to support or encourage your destructive decisions.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Entry 7: Stop Giving up Your Life for Him!

Husband Embracing Wife

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ladies, there is no reason why you should be giving up your family, friends and life for the man you are dating. Leaving your life behind for your new beaux and his life is foolish.

Be honest, how many times have you stopped seeing your own friends and given up your life for the man you are dating just for the relationship to end and feel like you have no friends and no life?

Let’s be real, we have all been there at least once in our lives! And, wasn’t it really hard to re-establish those close friendships and bonds you had before you disappeared into your relationship? Are there some friendships that you never got back?

How many of your friends gave up on calling you or trying to hang out with you once you immersed yourself into a new relationship?

Happy Family

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Forget Your Loved Ones

The truth is, when a relationship is more serious, of course you won’t see friends and family as often, but you should never stop communicating with the people that have always been there for you and loved you long before you met your new beaux!

Don’t forget, your friends and family can miss you when you’re in a relationship, so don’t forget to keep up with them and stay in touch!

If you can’t see them, fine! But, at least CALL or TEXT!! Its 2014! There are way too many technological advances out there for anyone to have any excuse for not keeping in touch.

When you take the time to keep up with family and the friendships you cultivated long before your new boo came along, you’ll find it’s much easier not to be overly available to the new guy your dating.

Scarcity Increases Demand

It’s true that your scarcity will increase a man’s desire for you. It’s the whole concept of supply and demand. For example, if there’s a high supply of something, the demand for it will not be as high.

But, when something is scarce, when there is a low supply of something, the demand for that thing goes through the roof!

I personally think that this concept directly applies to dating. The more available you are, the less someone will actually want to see you.

However, if you’re hard to see, if you’re hard to lock down for a date, a man will constantly be trying to fit himself into your schedule.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Develop Interests

If you don’t have friends, family, or things to do outside of work, then you need to get a hobby! For real!! Find something to do with your time.

Find something that interests you or stimulates your mind. You could go to Barnes and Nobles and just wander through the sections for a good book to read.

Find a hobby you enjoy like blogging, podcasting, hiking, volunteering, or whatever may interest you.

If the only thing that interests you is men, then start going to dating seminars, read self-help and dating books. Do something!

You need to have a life (or act like you have a life) because if you don’t, you’ll give a man the impression that he has to create a life for you and keep your needy behind occupied 24/7!

Couple in the park

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Delicate Balance

Remember though, it’s actually a very delicate balance that must be maintained between not being overly available and showing that you do have genuine interest in a man.

Today, on my podcast, my male guest on the show said that you shouldn’t be too available, however, you don’t want a man to read your unavailability as not being interested in him.

He made a great point! You should never be unavailable altogether or be overly hard to reach because a man could easily think that you just aren’t interested in him.

So, be sure to balance your availability to men so they do understand that you are interested in them, but that you also have a life (i.e. work, family, and friends to keep up with).

In fact, if you stick to keeping a life of your own instead of dropping all your relationships for a new man, you may start to feel like you can’t even accommodate all the time your man wants to spend with you!

Image courtesy of Adamr/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Take Caution With Single Friends

Be cautious of making too much time for your single friends. The truth is, single people have the most free time and if you prioritize seeing them in most of their free time, you could actually hurt your relationship.

You definitely don’t want your man to feel like he comes second to your friends. He just needs to know that you need to see your friends every so often because they are important to you too.

Your friends deserve some attention, but they can’t have most or all of it. Remember to maintain that balance between your life and your relationships.

You Want More?

If you want to hear more on this topic and get the male perspective, check out my podcast on this topic at Dee’s Dating Diary Podcast or download this episode here: Download episode

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee