Do You Feel Pressure to Get Married?

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Although we live in an era where men and women are getting married at much older ages, this shift hasn’t affected men as much as it has affected women.

Society accepts men being “bachelors” for a longer period of time now. Man can live the bachelor life well into their 30’s without repercussions.

And, in contrast to women, when men are ready to settle down in a relationship in their older age, they are still considered very eligible bachelors.

But, when a woman is over 30, she isn’t necessarily viewed as a very “eligible” bachelorette.

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why The Pressure to Get Married?

Most women in their mid 20’s or even earlier start feeling pressure from their family or friends to find a boyfriend, get married, and have kids.

Most of our parents and grandparents grew up in an era where getting married at a young age was the norm.

Women went from their parent’s house straight to their husband’s house and being married by 18 wasn’t seen the way it is today.

With this, you can understand why older generations don’t necessarily understand a woman’s choice to remain single past the age of about 20.

Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Double Standard

It’s a shame that as a single woman ages, sometimes her value in the eyes of the world tends to decrease while a man’s value tends to increase as he ages.

It’s a clear double standard.

Men age, cultivate their careers, and build their wealth and this makes them more desirable, eligible bachelors to women.

But, it’s not necessarily the same for women. A 40-year old man with his career together is more sought after than a 40 year old woman with her career and life together.

Image courtesy of Kongsky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Kongsky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Fight The Pressure to Get Married?

Here’s the problem…

If you do fall victim to society’s pressure to get married before you’ve met your match, you’ll quickly pick and marry a man who isn’t right for you.

You’ll settle. You’ll let go of all those things you’ve wanted for yourself and pretty much just take what you can get at the moment.

Because, time is of the essence right?

When you feel pressure to be married, you have to remember that settling for any man won’t make you happy in the long run!

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Whose Life Is It? 

While your family and friends may encourage you to settle down with someone who isn’t right for you, you have to remember that it’s YOU who has to be with this person for the rest of your life, not your family or friends!

Your family and friends won’t have to deal with those problems that come with dating and marrying the wrong person, you will!!

Despite the world wanting you to be married, you can’t let this run you into the arms of Mr. Wrong.

Hold out for your Mr. Right, as hard as that may be! He will come along one day and the wait will certainly be worth it!!

Stay strong my single ladies!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

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6 thoughts on “Do You Feel Pressure to Get Married?

  1. But, when a woman is over 30, she isn’t necessarily viewed as a very “eligible” bachelorette.

    Hmmm, not in my experience. Unless we’re talking about their grandparents, most people expect women to live their lives first – go to university, travel a bit, have fun and take time to choose the right person these days. Once you hit your thirties, the same pressure is on men to settle down “now you’ve had your fun and got it out of your system”.

    It’s a clear double standard.

    Actually it is simple biology and how we objectify each other. Women are objectified for their bodies for the purpose of fertility. As she gets older, her fertility decreases.

    Men are objectified for success and status. 999/1000 that increases with age because of society’s expectations placed on us (if we don’t work hard and constantly strive for that promotion, we’re losers with no ambition). Success for women is an option.

    But, it’s not necessarily the same for women. A 40-year old man with his career together is more sought after than a 40 year old woman with her career and life together.

    That’s because women are not objectified for wealth and status, men are. Most men don’t care what you do in your job so long as you are not a gold digger. Yet women nearly always seem to want the rich man, the successful man because that is how we are objectified.

    If you disagree, then ask yourself why when a woman marries a man who is less educated and has less money than her, we say she is “marrying down”. Yet when the man is the one with money and status, we have no such term.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Great comments Chin Up, Chest High!!

      Many women feel pressured to get married long before their biological clocks start ticking. So, biology alone doesn’t actually address the root of this problem.

      You definitely brought up a great point of how men and women are objectified differently!! Thanks for adding such a great dynamic perspective to this issue.

      Your comments are always insightful and I appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective!!!

      Like

      • Welcome Dee, as ever 🙂

        So, biology alone don’t actually address the root of this problem.

        The fact that women do have a biological clock demonstrates that urgency to grab a man while you still can, the idea that your fertility drops rapidly.

        Men do get that pressure, but it is usually from their girlfriends rather than their families (the man’s parents, grandparents and siblings etc) because the woman is desperate to settle down because of the pressure she is getting and her clock ticking.

        It may not be the only reason, but it does go a way to explaining why a woman’s major asset is considered to be her body. Her “value” goes down as she gets older and loses her fertility, regardless of what else in life she does or has – if she can no longer have children, then that is a major stumbling block to a man who is looking to start a family. For those of us who don’t want children, it is far less of an issue though unconsciously we do something choose a woman who would appear to have the desirable traits for reproduction. Yet a man’s value goes up because generally, he will earn more experience and money as he progresses in his career.

        The perfect example is to think about the most desirable girls you may have been at school with. They could have the pick of the bunch and were probably mean to the boys they didn’t think were good enough for them – not cool enough, tall enough, good looking enough, too low status etc… he values her, but she does not value him.

        Years later, the nerdy guys who had no attention and were labelled “creepy” in school for being socially awkward after suffering so many cruel rejections now have far more dating options available to him and he can afford to take his time and those girls who were cruel to him at school call him shallow for not jumping at the chance of dating her when she values him and he no longer values her.

        Some may call it karma, just as I did here but really it’s just cold biology at work.

        Anyway, sorry about the novel length comment… again!

        Like

  2. I agree with “family and friends may encourage you to settle down with someone who isn’t right for you”..One should never follow such suggestion for this kind of big decision.

    Like

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