On first dates, you’re essentially selling your best self!
First dates are your opportunity to show a person the best of who you are, whatever that may be.
Ultimately, people fall in love for the good in someone, not the bad.
Accentuate The Positive
The reality is, you attract people with positive points not negative ones. So, you should always lead with the positive!
Once a person likes you, he or she can more easily overlook your flaws.
But, when you lay your problems on the table too soon, you can easily scare a person off.
When your dates reflect back on the time you both shared together, you want them to have positive feelings about you and the experience.
You definitely don’t want to leave a bitter taste in their mouth. But, when you bring up your problems on first dates, that’s exactly what you do!
Compare with Friendships
Think about your friendships. It’s the good things about your friends and the positive times shared that built and strengthened the friendship.
We all learn about flaws that we may not necessarily care for in our friends, but we accept those flaws. And, why is this?
It’s because of the positive foundation that the friendship was built on.
Taking this analogy back to dating… Once you’ve started to build the foundation of your relationship, a person can easily overlook your flaws and accept you for the complete person that you are.
But, when you put your flaws on the table on your first few dates, you’re just giving your date reasons to write you off for a potential relationship.
Your Date Will Learn With Time
We all know that no one is perfect, but there’s really no point in even talking about your issues on first dates because, in time, they will all be known anyway!
A new person you’re dating should learn about your flaws naturally, in the course of dating and getting to know you. Not because you threw it in his or her face.
Putting yourself down won’t get you positive results in dating, so leave the negative feelings about yourself at the door and remember to accentuate your positives!!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
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You know this is so true…I’ve had so many first dates where the guy begins talking about his ex-wife, or how he’s strapped for money…it makes me want to immediately get up and leave but not before saying “and …this is why you’re single.”
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Hilarious!! Thanks for sharing your experience! It’s always great hearing your perspective J!!
I sometimes do this at first, if I feel a mutual connection, where we’re sharing some info about our failed LTRs, but at a certain point it’s Not Fun, and there should definitely be fun happening on the first few dates. You need to have a sense of, hey, I could be (mostly) happy with this person! And vice versa.
I’ve also had the experience of fun beginnings turning into dreck because the man began endless bitching about financial issues or ranting about politics. I think that people need to keep in mind that just because a relationship feels “established,” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep trying to be positive and generating good feelings.
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Great advice Paula!! You’re right, we should definitely be having fun on the first few dates and continuing to generate good, positive feelings after that! Thanks for sharing your insight!!