Ladies, we have to stop being the victim and take control of our dating lives!
Many times I hear women say, “ALL men are dogs” or “ALL men cheat.” But, the truth of the matter is ALL men AREN’T dogs and ALL men DON’T cheat.
Stop Blaming Men
You’re perception of what ALL men are is a by-product of who you have been choosing to date your whole life.
So, if you always pick the bad boy types who break your heart, of course you’ll always think ALL men are dogs, but that’s not actually the case. ALL the men YOU date are dogs!
Instead of thinking that all men are dogs that will hurt you, you need to be thinking that you aren’t going to let anymore dogs get close enough to hurt you.
Its about taking your power back and knowing that your circumstances and the outcomes of your relationships are largely due to the men you choose to date and let into your heart.
Take Responsibility For Your Choices
We can’t blame all our problems in relationships on men. We have to take ownership of our part, which is getting into a relationship with a man we’d be unhappy with.
It’s time to take responsibility for the choices you have made in dating men and in accepting their bad behavior. Once you take responsibility for your part in the heartache, you can actually take steps towards changing how and who you pick to spend your time with and, ultimately, give your heart to.
You choose who you date, it should never be the other way around. A man shouldn’t be able to decide by himself that you are both in a relationship together.
Two people make the decision to enter a relationship, so, take ownership of your choices. If you continue to choose the same kind of man to date, you can’t expect different results in your relationships. Therefore, man bashing is definitely not the answer!
Red flags are called red flags for a reason, they alert you that there is a problem, that something is not right. A red flag let’s you know that there is more going on than a man is willing to tell you.
Red flags are precious gifts to women! These are your signs that tell you whether this man is right for you. Red flags tell you more about someone and it’s your job to determine if that person deserves a place in your life.
You need to be able to spot red flags and make note of them because once a man has shown significant red flags, you have to evaluate whether continuing to date this person will make you happy.
When you learn to spot and access red flags, you’ll see that you’ll cut out a lot of unnecessary relationships that would have only caused you grief and heartache.
While you can continue to date men obliviously, you’d only be hurting yourself.
If you choose to ignore red flags and date any and every man freely, when you do get hurt, don’t start convincing yourself that “ALL men are dogs.” You don’t want this to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let me explain…
If you tell yourself and your friends that, “all men are dogs,” you’ll actually believe that every single man is a dog and feel that you have to settle down with one of these men that won’t treat you well. This allows you to continue dating dogs and, therefore, continue being hurt by them.
You have to understand the power of your words, telling yourself that all men are dogs will ultimately limit the amount of effort you put into finding a good man.
In fact, you won’t put any effort into finding a good man because in your eyes, he doesn’t exist. And, before you know it, you’ve settled for a man that doesn’t treat you with respect.
Don’t inadvertently let your dating goal be an unhappy marriage!
Start being more positive about dating and only speak positively! You’ll be amazed at how a little positivity can make you feel a whole world better about dating.
We are not victims!
The victim mentality is thinking that you have no control over getting hurt. Granted, we can’t control all hurt, but we can eliminate unnecessary heartache.
Remember, men only do to us what we allow them to. So, if men keep hurting you, then you need to do some serious introspection and figure out why you keep dating men that hurt you.
Save Yourself For a Good Man
Just because you haven’t found a “good man” to date, doesn’t mean you should settle and get into a relationship with any man that’s willing to!
Until that next great relationship comes along, try to work on yourself and keep dating!!!
Save yourself for a good man. You’ll be happy you did!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Great read with good points. It’s easy to focus on finding the one instead of being the one.
Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!!
It’s very freeing to realize that I have control over this, that I have made these choices for myself and can make different ones in the future. Sad relationships and bad dates didn’t just “happen” to me ~ I helped to create them by making non-optimal decisions. I’m in a much calmer place admitting that I’m the common denominator in everything that has gone before.
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It can be really hard to come to terms with the fact that being in a bad relationship is our own doing, but once we accept this, we’ll be more cognizant of “red flags” and the type of men we choose to date in the future. Being truthful about this with yourself will allow you to have better relationships going forward. I’m glad you liked the article, Paula!
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this post. It’s so easy to play the victim, but we have the power to chose to not let men hurt us. Great post and great blog! Care to check out mine? Downwiththenorm.wordpress.com
Thanks! I’m glad you found inspiration in my post! Yes, it’s very easy to play the victim and convince yourself that you had no control over the situation. But, those days of being the victim are over. I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and I will definitely check yours out!