Help! We Had A Great First Date, But He Hasn’t Called Since

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I had a great first date with this guy, but almost a week has gone by and he hasn’t called or texted me. I thought we made a good connection and were into each other, but now I’m starting to feel like I was wrong.

What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted me in days? Does he not want to see me again? Did I do something wrong? I will admit our date was a Netflix and chill night and he tried to make a few moves on me, but I didn’t sleep with him and only kissed him at the end of the night. Should I reach out to him? Is he waiting to see if I want to continue talking? 

Dear Dater,

If you had a date with a man and he hasn’t called or texted you for more than 3 days after your date, he’s just not that interested in you. However, because this guy wanted to “Netflix and chill” and did make some passes at you, he may not have been looking for a potential relationship and was only interested in getting in your pants.

Since you rejected his advances and only kissed him at the end of the night, he may have decided to move on to an easier target.

Don’t feel bad about this. It’s really a great thing because now this guy won’t be in the way of the right man coming into your life. You don’t want to waste time dating the wrong men so don’t dwell on this situation or reach out to him to force a conversation that isn’t meant to take place.

Also you should avoid having a Netflix and chill date for at least the first 5-6 dates. You don’t want to subject yourself to men making aggressive passes at you or even worse, forcing themselves on you. It’s better to be safe and wait until you get to know a man better before you invite him into your home or go to his.

Furthermore, you’re more likely to move faster with a man when you’re in the comfort of a home as opposed to somewhere like a restaurant. So, hold off on the Netflix and chill and stick to public dates until you’ve gotten to know each other much better.

For more great dating advice and tips for being safe while dating, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Join Memphis Single Mingle For Fun, Laughter, And Love!

If you’re single and live in or near the Memphis, Tennessee area, you’re definitely going to want to join my Meetup.com group Memphis Single Mingle!

Single Mingle is the meetup to join if you’re open to new experiences and the possibility of finding love while having fun! This meetup is about getting out of the house, making new friends, and meeting the love of your life!

Single Mingle currently connects over 2,000 amazing single Memphians through fun, exciting, and unique events. From outdoor activities to happy hours, festivals, dancing lessons, escape rooms, comedy shows, workshops, dinners, fun fitness, and a variety of other activities, Single Minglers will do it all!

Join Single Mingle for fun, laughter, and love: Memphis Single Mingle

 

UPCOMING MEMPHIS SINGLE MINGLE MEETUPS

Saturday, April 30th: Capture The Flag at Mud Island Dog Park

Saturday, May 6th: Memphis Escape Room

Tuesday, May 9th: Free Comedy Show at the High Cotton Brewery

Saturday, May 20th: Salsa Dance Lesson at The Rumba Room 

Tuesday, May 30th: Vine to Wine: Cork & Pork – A Wine Tasting Series

Thursday, June 8th: Nutritious, But Delicious Cooking Class 

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Picking Up The Pieces – Chapter 2 Book Excerpt

Chapter Two Excerpt 

Drop That Emotional Baggage

Your Thoughts, Beliefs, & Emotions Are Crucial

Trust me when I say the thoughts, beliefs, and emotions derived from your past relationships have significant effects on you, how you interact with and treat men, and how you handle your relationships—whether you believe it or not.

The mind is powerful. It takes note of all your thoughts and feelings and files them away accordingly. Then, when you encounter similar scenarios with men, your mind automatically opens that old file and tells you how to feel or act in that moment. And you better believe that your mind allows action and inaction based on all those little beliefs about dating that you’ve filed away in your brain over the years.

This isn’t to say that you have no control over your thoughts and, consequently, how you act. In fact, you do have control. But to exercise that control, you first have to recognize what your beliefs are and where those beliefs come from. Only then can you combat those negative thoughts that turn into negative actions and replace them with new, healthy thoughts that promote positive action and positive results in your dating life.

So instead of continuing to be controlled by your thought that “all men are dogs,” you can replace that thought with this one: “All the men I’ve dated in the past have been dogs, but I’ll no longer give the wrong men my time so that I have a real chance to meet a better man.” You need to make these types of mental shifts.

It’s imperative that you understand how deeply your thoughts about dating and men affect your dating experiences. Remember, if you believe that all men are dogs, you simply won’t put effort into attracting a quality man. You’ll settle for whatever men come along. If you believe that all men cheat, you’ll accept this exact behavior from all the men you date.

Ultimately, those thoughts and beliefs about men and dating that are sitting in your head will get reflected in your real-life world. So if you have negative thoughts about men and dating, those negative thoughts will manifest themselves as real-life results for you. That’s why the only way to change the results you get in your real life is to change and reshape your inner beliefs.

You definitely don’t want your subconscious to produce results in your dating life that don’t make you happy. Meaning, you need to take note of what’s going on in your head so that you can get rid of all those thoughts that don’t support a positive dating life and positive relationships. If you do this, you’ll be well on your way to readying yourself for a great man and a great relationship.

******

Get Picking Up The Pieces today: Amazon | KindleBarnes & NobleNook Book  

Are You Guilty Of Qualifying Your Confidence?

Although everyone struggles with confidence in different areas of life, there’s one specific type of confidence problem I see with many women. I call it qualified confidence.

What is Qualified Confidence?

Qualified confidence is when a person reduces their confidence, or qualifies it, in regards to a specific quality or area of their life because someone else exhibits the quality in a better way.

For example, Rebecca thought she was beautiful, but when she went to college she met women she thought were much prettier than her and truly beautiful.

So, she started feeling that she was only “okay” since there were other women who were much prettier than she was. Believing that she wasn’t really pretty anymore, she reduced her confidence, she qualified her confidence based on her perception of other women’s beauty.

Does It Only Apply To Looks?

This doesn’t just apply to looks and physical features, women tend to qualify their confidence in other areas of their life too. A woman may think she is not as good an athlete because she knows that there are better athletes out there.

Or, a woman thinks she isn’t very good in her professional or entrepreneurial life because she knows of another woman who is doing much better than she is.

This is qualified confidence and it’s extremely detrimental to our emotional well-being and our ability to be truly happy with ourselves.

Why You Shouldn’t Qualify Your Confidence 

We are all unique human beings and are great in our own way and just because someone may be better at something than you does not mean that you aren’t one of the best too!

Take Usain Bolt, for example, he crushed his opponents and even had time to smile for the cameras while beating them.

Should the people who came in second, third, or fourth place feel like they are lesser athletes because they lost to Usain Bolt? Of course not! They are still the best runners in their country so it would be ridiculous for them to qualify, or reduce, their confidence because someone else is faster than them.

The same applies to you, ladies! Don’t ever reduce your confidence because you think someone is prettier, smarter, more athletic, or more anything than you. Recognize your strengths, love yourself, and know that you are great just the way you were made!

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Loving Me Rocks” Girl’s Empowerment Conference 2017

On April 29, 2017, I will be speaking at the “Loving Me Rocks” Girl’s Empowerment Conference at the University of Tennessee at Memphis.

This conference is for daughters and mothers. One of the daughter sessions include, “You Grow Girl” and one of the parent sessions include, “Feeding The Mouth That Bites You.” Join us for this informative, empowering, and motivational conference!

Get your seat today: Eventbrite

I will also be signing books after the event. If you haven’t gotten your copy of Picking up the Pieces, you can get one at the conference or online: Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Hope to see you there!

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

I Am What You See – A Women’s Empowerment Event

On April 30, 2017, I will be speaking at the “I Am What You See” women’s empowerment event at the Burt Ferguson Community Center in Memphis, TN.

Join us for this empowering, motivational, inspirational, and confidence-building event where you will find out why you’re amazing just the way you are!

This event is FREE and all attendees will get a FREE LUNCH during the event! 

There will also be door prizes and a silent auction! The vendors, as of right now, include Makeda’s Cookies, Avon, Mary Kay, Paparazzi Jewelry, Parents & Purses, and Paycation Travel.

Seating is limited and going fast so reserve your spot today: Reserve My Seat

I will also be signing books after the event. If you haven’t gotten your copy of my book, it’s not too late, you can get one through Amazon here: Picking Up The Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself For The Love And Relationship You Deserve or through Barnes & Noble.

Can’t wait to see you there!

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Help! My Girlfriend Breaks Up With Me Once A Week!

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

My girlfriend keeps breaking up and getting back together with me. At first it happened every few months, but now it’s been happening once a week and I don’t know what to do. I love this woman. We’ve been dating for a couple of years and I forgive her for doing this, but it’s really starting to make me feel bad about myself and I want it to stop. Every time she breaks up with me she says we’re not compatible, but we never fight and we have a great time together. What should I do?

Dear Dater,

You definitely don’t deserve to be put through this kind of emotional roller coaster, but the good thing is that you’re recognizing her bad relationship habits with you. In the beginning, she only broke up with you every few months, but now it’s happening every week, which tells you that this behavior (and the relationship) is getting progressively worse.

Although you say you guys never fight and have a great time together, there is obviously something else going on underneath the surface that’s causing your girlfriend to want to jump ship frequently. I do think it’s important to point out though that just because you never have disagreements in a relationship, doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship. Your situation is a great example of that.

If your girlfriend felt like the relationship was great too then why would she keep breaking up with you every week? Maybe your girlfriend is considering being with another man, maybe she feels like she’s settling by dating you, maybe she’s always looking for the next best thing, or maybe she has commitment issues. Unfortunately, without knowing your girlfriend, I can’t pinpoint the source of her relationship anxiety.

What I can say for certain though is that there’s something going on that your girlfriend isn’t talking to you about. Have an open, non-confrontational conversation with her about how this back and forth has made you feel and give her an opportunity to explain her true feelings. This will allow you to address any issues she may have been afraid to bring up in the past.

If communicating about this problem doesn’t resolve it, then all I can do for you is help you see what it is that you really want out of a relationship. While you can’t control your girlfriend’s behavior and stop her from breaking up with you periodically, you do have control over yourself and what you accept or tolerate from women. So, consider the following questions and answer them honestly:

  1. Do you believe you deserve unconditional love?
  2. Do you want to be in a relationship where you feel like your girlfriend loves you as much as you love her?
  3. Are you okay with constantly worrying about when your girlfriend will break up with you next?
  4. Do you want to date a woman who, after a couple of years, knows definitively that she only wants to date you?
  5. Do you want a girlfriend that won’t take you on emotional roller coaster rides every week?

Your answers to these questions will help you determine what’s best for you and how to move forward. In my personal opinion, your girlfriend’s behavior says that she doesn’t value you or appreciate you to the extent that she should. Girlfriends should make you feel better about yourself not worse. You shouldn’t have to wonder whether your girlfriend really loves you or whether she’s going to break up with you next week.

Nonetheless, give her a chance to redeem herself by opening up to you and re-committing herself to the relationship. If this doesn’t work or she doesn’t want to, it’s time to cut your ties not only for your emotional well-being, but also so you have the ability to find the kind of love and relationship you truly desire and deserve. A good man deserves a good woman, not a woman who doesn’t recognize what she has!

Always do what is best for your emotional well-being. I wish you all the best!

For more great dating advice, get my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone