Who Comes First in a Relationship?

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many times when women are in a relationship, they put their boyfriends before themselves. They do what’s in their beaux’s best interest, but not their own.

Unless you’re engaged or married, you have to put yourself first!

Image courtesy of Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Lost Opportunities

In a relationship, you’re still two separate people with separate lives. While you try to be a part of each other’s lives, what’s in each person’s best interest may be very different.

For example, you may get a great job offer that could take your career to the next level.

However, because they job is in a different city or state, you may pass up on the opportunity in order to stay closer to your man.

While his best interest is for you to stay, your best interest is to leave and take the job. You’re best interest should take priority over his.

The truth is, you have to continue to pursue your dreams or what’s best for your career while you’re in a relationship. If you don’t, you’ll eventually regret these missed opportunities.

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Will He Move With You?

If a man loves you and feels strongly enough about you, he will follow you wherever you go. If he doesn’t, then he won’t.

Now, there is an exception to this rule. If his career has no mobility or there isn’t a demand for his expertise in the new city, then moving may mean career suicide for him.

Perhaps his career is client-based and moving would mean starting over or changing careers altogether. This is definitely something that also has to be taken into consideration.

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Stay True To Yourself

Unless there’s a ring on your finger, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to plan and live your life around a man.

It’s very important that you don’t lose sight of yourself while you’re in a relationship.

Always follow your dreams and do what’s in your best interest so that, at the end of the day, you won’t have to live with any regret over lost opportunities.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

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9 thoughts on “Who Comes First in a Relationship?

  1. Unless there’s a ring on your finger, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to plan and live your life around a man.

    Hmmm…. I think you have to take each case on an individual basis. A cousin of mine turned down two opportunities to move a short distance away when her boyfriend was offered an amazing opportunity to develop his career. She threw up hundreds of excuses for why she wouldn’t move (just 20 miles in one case). In the end he started to resent her putting herself instead of the relationship first; he broke up with her because he no longer wanted to keep bending over backwards for her, turning down opportunities for himself when she was giving nothing towards wanting to build a future together. This isn’t just my perspective, she has freely admitted to doing this. It isn’t the first time I have witnessed a woman putting herself first and ending up pushing away a very good, decent and caring man and I doubt it will be the last.

    I feel I bent over backwards to accommodate my ex-wife so it is just as common the other way around – her mother came first in our marriage. I really cannot overemphasise that no one person is more important in a relationship.

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    • I think it’s very interesting how lightly people take moving in together or moving to different cities with one another. This is actually a VERY big step and if a man wants a woman to take that kind of step with him, it’s best that he shows his lasting commitment to that woman so that, in turn, she will have the confidence to take such a big step with him. And, how does a man show his lasting commitment to a woman? By asking her to marry him.

      It would be unfair to have a woman move to a new city or state for her boyfriend’s new job, just to break up with her down the line. Unfortunately, I’ve seen countless situations where women have moved for men, just to be left single and alone in a new city. Which is why I say, “Unless there’s a ring on your finger, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to plan and live your life around a man.”

      Perhaps your friend would have had the confidence and desire to move with her beaux if he had showed her his level of devotion and commitment to the relationship, by asking for her hand, of course!

      I LOVE hearing your feedback, as always! Thanks for taking the time to read this and comment!!

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      • By asking her to marry him.

        I forgot to mention – he did want to marry her but she wouldn’t get a divorce. That was another of the obstacles she kept throwing up.

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      • I love my cousin to bits, but I know exactly what she is like with making excuses for what a boring life she has while doing nothing about it.

        As it is, this ex boyfriend has moved away now to take one of those opportunities he would have passed up had he stayed wit her. The tragedy is, it is much farther away than the previous two so there is no chance of a reconciliation.

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  2. There’s a great line from a Michael Douglas movie in which he plays an aged playboy. He says to his protege, “The one who cares less in a relationship has all the power.” In my experience that is true. Being aware of and mitigating this requires skill and dedication…unless you like your other half being subservient…oh, don’t get me started…

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  3. You bring up a great point! It’s very unfortunate that the person who cares less in a relationship usually has all the power. And, you’re right, it does take work to mitigate this, but the real work is in attracting someone who actually cares about you as much as you care about them! Great input! Thanks for commenting! 🙂

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