Author Archives: Dee's Dating Diary

Did You Breakup With Your Boyfriend Because A “Spark” Was Missing?

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Our past relationships have a big impact on who we choose to date in the future. Whether it leads us to dating better men or the same types of men we previously dated really just depends on whether we properly processed (mentally) our past relationships, learned the necessary lessons, and implement positive changes.

Unfortunately, most women don’t do this.

And while this perpetuates many different dating and relationship problems, today I want to focus on a more subtle problem that kills great relationships– thinking a “spark” is missing.

What Is The “Spark?”

The Merriam-Webster dictionary has several definitions for the word “spark.” However, the one that best fits relationships is this: “something that sets off a sudden force.” And still, this definition is pretty vague. 

In the end though, it doesn’t really matter how any dictionary or person defines a spark because the spark is really what we individually believe it to be. One woman might believe that the spark is having butterflies in her stomach while another woman might feel that the spark is wanting to continue talking to someone for hours on end.

Ultimately, the spark is a highly subjective concept. 

Every woman is looking for that spark when she’s dating a man. But how do you actually define a spark and is your definition of a spark hurting your relationships or leading you to dating terrible guys?

Are You Used To The Emotional Roller Coaster?

When women date men who treat them poorly and put them through a lot of ups and downs, which I call the emotional roller coaster, they consequently develop unhealthy attachments to these men and often confuse those feelings of extreme anxiety then satisfaction, during the ups and downs, as a strong spark and growing feelings of love.

They think those anxious feelings they have while waiting for Mr. Wrong to do right are really butterflies. But they’re not…

Then, when they meet a good man who is honest, genuine, and grounded, they think a spark is missing and, therefore, must be dating the wrong man. 

Are You Really Missing A “Spark?”

But before you cut things off with your next boyfriend because you think there’s no spark in the relationship, ask yourself this–are we lacking a connection or is there just a lack of drama in the relationship?

It’s extremely important that you evaluate what you believe the spark is because some women easily confuse stability as a lack of a spark when they’ve wrongfully internalized drama as the norm.

So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re dating the right man because you feel that something is missing, think: am I missing a spark or am I missing the drama?

Be honest with yourself so you can openly embrace a great, stable relationship with a great man!

Till Next Time,

Dee

Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Photo Credit: Photo by Allan Filipe Santos Dias on Unsplash

This Holiday, Don’t Focus On What You’re Lacking!

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During this holiday season, don’t focus on the fact that you don’t have a boyfriend or you aren’t married, or that you don’t have a plus one for your holiday parties and events.

During the holiday season, it’s so easy to focus on what you don’t have– I don’t have a man, I don’t have a great job, I don’t have a good living situation, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t. But, focusing on what you lack only takes away your happiness and enables feelings of sadness, depression, and feeling “less than.”

Being Single During The Holidays

When you have to get together with family and friends over the holidays, it can be nerve-wrecking if you’re worried about conversations that will lead to what you don’t have right now or what’s wrong in your life.

But, instead of taking away your joy and happiness by focusing on what you don’t have, try something new this holiday–focus on what you do have and be grateful for it!

Acknowledging and expressing gratefulness for the things you do have will allow you to productively take stock of all the great things in your life. As time goes on, we have a habit of focusing on all the little things that we feel are going wrong and we forget about all the great things we have accomplished, earned, or brought into our lives.

Increase Your Happiness & Joy This Holiday

By focusing on being grateful, you’ll ultimately increase your happiness because you’ll be fully aware of the wonderful things you have going on in your life.

The next time you start feeling sad or down about your situation, think about a time that you were really happy. Think about a time you accomplished something you were really proud of. By doing this, you will bring out those joyous feelings you had at that time. And, you need to embrace these positive emotions and let them wash over you and bring you back to that happy place you once were.

Do this anytime you start feeling bad due to your flawed belief that you’re lacking something.

Remember, you are enough and you’re not lacking anything! You don’t need a man to complete you because you were already created as a complete human being. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

P.S. Need some straight forward dating advice, no sugar? Buy my book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve! Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Photo Credit: Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Flawed Belief Systems That Keep Women Single

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I had the privilege of going on Renaissance Relationship Therapy with Life Purpose Coach and Matchmaker Tem’Ti to discuss flawed belief systems that keep women single. 

Find out what beliefs you’re holding on to that are preventing you from getting that amazing love and relationship you truly want. Listen to the show below! 

Want more great dating advice? Buy my new book, Picking up The Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve!

Meet My Type Proudly Introduces… LOVE Tells

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Meet My Type Proudly Introduces “LOVE tells,” an original web project that helps couples figure out their… situation. Want to participate?

If you’ve been dating a few months and wonder, “Are we right for each other?” Then we want to talk to you!

Go to www.meetmytypes.com/lovetells for more info, and to submit you and your mate for this exciting opportunity. Learn the truth behind what YOUR love tells!

Book Signing At The EDGE’s Women’s Empowerment Conference in Miami

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Join me on Saturday, November 18, 2017 for a book signing at The Edge’s Women’s Empowerment Conference! I will be donating 25% of my book sales from the conference to benefit EDGE children who are underprivileged and have been victimized.

During the conference, you’ll listen to, learn from, and converse with dynamic speakers who will share their take on the importance of the mind, body, and soul connection.

You’ll hear from women in the community who are proven leaders and make a personal, professional, and philanthropic difference everyday. 

All proceeds will benefit EDGE children.

Don’t miss this amazing, empowering conference! Get your tickets today– Eventbrite

Want to get my book before the conference? Buy it on Amazon today!

Let’s Talk Relationships And Dating!

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Join me in Ft. Lauderdale, FL on Saturday, November 11, 2017 for “Let’s Talk About Relationships & Dating!”

There will be a dynamic panelist of speakers offering insight on relationships and dating. Be prepared to learn, laugh, and talk about it!

You’ll also be able to get a signed copy of my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Get your ticket today on Eventbrite!

25 Love Quotes That Will Make You Think

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After years of being single or years of dealing with bad relationships, you have to make sure that you continue to love yourself and that your actions and beliefs about dating actually support a healthy, loving relationship. So here are 25 love quotes that will uplift you, make you think, and help you step into your greatness:

  1. “In finding love, I think it’s important to be patient. In being in a relationship, I think it’s important to be honest, to communicate, to respect and trust, and to strive to give more than you take.” ~ Kina Grannis
  2. “We should remember that saying ‘I love you’ is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it. We need to both express and demonstrate love.” ~ David A. Bednar
  3. “Love who you are, embrace who you are. Love yourself. When you love yourself, people can kind of pick up on that: they can see confidence, they can see self-esteem, and naturally, people gravitate towards you.” ~ Lilly Singh
  4. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~ Maya Angelou
  5. “True love doesn’t happen right away; it’s an ever-growing process. It develops after you’ve gone through many ups and downs, when you’ve suffered together, cried together, laughed together.” ~ Ricardo Montalban
  6. “Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.” ~ Zoe Kravitz
  7. “The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.” ~ Audrey Hepburn
  8. “Love yourself. It is important to stay positive because beauty comes from the inside out.” ~ Jenn Proske
  9. “Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” ~ Ann Landers
  10. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
  11. “Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.” ~ Oscar Wilde
  12. “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” ~ Oscar Wilde
  13. “It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.” ~ Confucius
  14. “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~ Lucille Ball
  15. “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha
  16. “I think every girl needs to love herself, regardless of anything. Like if you’re having a bad day, if you don’t like your hair, if you don’t have the best family situation, whatever, you have to love yourself and you can’t do anything until you love yourself first.” ~ Julianne Hough
  17. “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” ~ Maya Angelou
  18. “The course of true love never did run smooth.” ~ William Shakespeare
  19. “I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” ~ Pietro Aretino
  20. “Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.” ~ Ariana Grande
  21. “There would be no need for love if perfection were possible. Love arises from our imperfection…” ~ Eugene Kennedy
  22. “Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.” ~ Maya Angelou
  23. “Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul.” ~ Saint Augustine
  24. “When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” ~ Mark Twain
  25. “In life, you have to take the pace that love goes. You don’t force it. You just don’t force love, you don’t force falling in love, you don’t force being in love – you just become. I don’t know how to say that in English, but you just feel it.” ~ Juan Pablo Galavis

Learn how to love yourself so that you can attract the love you really deserve, buy Picking up the Pieces today! Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Photo Credit: Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash

A Man’s Take On A Woman’s Dating Advice Book

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I provided Andreas Michaelides of Thirsty For Health with a complementary copy of Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve in exchange for an honest review. Here’s some of what he said:

“This book is an efficient down to earth guide for women that want to stop having failed relationships. It covers a lot of issues that a woman should take into consideration and also fix in her life to be able to attract the right man into her life…

I loved the engagement the exercises offer with the reader… I am not a woman, but the philosophy can be applied to both sexes. I learned a lot about me. I did all the exercises, I had to twist the questions for men, but it was a fun thing to do. Also, the book helped me realize and understand a lot of issues I had with my ex-wife and even see and comprehend a lot of her behavior, especially her jealousy scenes…” Continue reading on Thirsty For Health

Ready to change your dating and relationship life for the better? Get your copy of Picking up the Pieces today: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Books-A-Million | Smashwords

Till Next Time,

Dee

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

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The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), an issue that affects women, children, and even men.

History of Domestic Violence Awareness Month

In 1989, Congress designated the month of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month and this evolved from the “Day of Unity,” which was conceived by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and held in October of 1981.

“The intent was to connect advocates across the nation who were working to end violence against women and their children. The Day of Unity soon became an entire week devoted to a range of activities conducted at the local, state, and national level,” which had the common themes of mourning those who died because of domestic violence, celebrating those who survived, and connecting those working to end violence (National Resource Center on Domestic Violence).

Resources

Review these important safety tips regarding your use of technology: Safety Tips

There are free cell phone donation programs, shelters, and even housing assistance programs available to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. Contact your local domestic violence program, rape crisis center, or domestic violence hotline for more information about resources that are available in your area.

If you have been sexually assaulted, call the U.S. National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE) and you will automatically be connected to a local U.S. rape crisis program based on the area code of your phone number. You can also contact them using a secure, online private chat.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline today for help at 1­-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or TTY 1­-800-787-3224.

If you are in danger, please call 911.

Are Open Relationships Just About Sex?

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The Urban Dictionary defines an open relationship as, “A relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can’t exactly promise that they won’t see other people too. Basically, to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people. Common during college for many post-high school relationships.”

Survey Results

In my last post, I conducted an informal survey to see if a large amount of people are open to open relationships. This is what I found:

Of the 9 people who participated in this survey, 7 people (77.78%) said they are open to open relationships and 2 people (22.22%) said they were not open to it. Although only a few people took the survey, I was definitely expecting the results to be the other way around. This tells me that more people are open to polyamorous relationships than I initially thought.

Are Open Relationships Just About Sex?

Having a personal preference for monogamous relationships, I had to get insight from other people to find out what really makes people open to open relationships. What was surprising for me to learn was that having an open relationship is not just about being able to have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want.

While some people, including women, do feel that it isn’t realistic to have one sexual partner for the rest of their life, some people’s preference for open relationships have nothing to do with sex.

So what other reasons do people have for seeking open relationships?

Why People Want Open Relationships

Some people like open relationships because it takes pressure off of the relationship while others feel it leaves them open to meeting a better match or satisfying emotional desires that aren’t being met within the relationship.

If you find yourself in a position where you feel like you’re in love with two people at the same time, an open relationship with both people would be the most ideal path forward (not necessarily for everyone involved though). 

Some people also feel that exclusivity or monogamy has connotations of ownership and possession that they don’t want to subscribe to. These people feel that if they are in an open relationship and their partner chooses to come home to them every night, the decision to be together feels more meaningful since the option to be with other people is readily available.

There are also women who enter open relationships only because it’s what their boyfriend wants and they want to keep their boyfriend happy in order to keep the relationship going. 

Is There Jealousy In Open Relationships?

Canvassing people’s opinions on open relationships has been very enlightening, but it ultimately left me with this question: how prevalent is jealousy in open relationships and can it be resolved without resorting back to a monogamous relationship? 

Let me know your thoughts below and your reasons for preferring monogamous or polyamorous relationships.

Till Next Time,

Dee

P.S. Looking for results-driven dating advice? Check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble 

Photo Credit: Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

Dee’s Dating Diary Will Return October 7, 2017 Due To Hurricane Irma

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Due to Hurricane Irma, Dee’s Dating Diary will return on Saturday, October 7, 2017.

Survey: Are You Open To Open Relationships?

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Open relationships have become much more prevalent. While they used to be an underground kind of thing, more and more people are being open about the fact that they’re in an open relationship.

With open relationships on the climb, I wonder how many people are really open to the open relationship. Be sure to answer the survey above and we’ll discuss the results next week!

Till Next Time,

Dee

P.S. Looking for honest dating advice without the sugar-coating? Check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble

YES! Women on the Rise

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I’m so honored to be recognized by YES! Women on the Rise in the their Friday Feature! The purpose of YES (Young, Educated, and Successful) is to encourage and accelerate the development of young women on the rise.

This year, YES! is hosting an exclusive and intimate brunch with top influential women in business, health, and entertainment. You’ll be able to hear from industry leaders on the essentials of becoming not only a Boss, but a Leader!

If you’re in the Atlanta, GA area on Saturday, September 24, 2017, come out for this inspiring and empowering event! Reserve Your Spot

Why Consistency Is The Most Important Characteristic To Look For When Dating

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When you’re dating, one of the most important things to look for in a man is consistency. Consistency is truly key!

What Is Consistency?

Consistency in dating basically means that a man’s behavior with you remains the same for as long as you date. 

For example, if you’re dating a man and you see him every weekend for a month then you suddenly only see him randomly on weekdays, this is inconsistent behavior and, therefore, a red flag. If you talk on the phone everyday then only speak only a few times a week or only exchange texts here and there, this behavior is inconsistent and tells you that this man won’t be a long-term partner.

Consistency in dating also includes consistency between a man’s words (what he tells you) and his actions (what he is actually doing). For example, if a man says he is going to call you tomorrow and doesn’t, there’s no consistency between his words and actions.

If a man’s words aren’t consistent with his actions, this lets you know that his words are lies and can’t be relied on. Remember, men’s actions will always tell you how they truly feel about you! A man who is consistent is a man who can be trusted and relied upon. A man who is inconsistent or wishy-washy can’t be trusted and you’ll regularly have the feeling that you don’t know where you stand with this guy.

One day you’ll talk to him and hear all the things you want to hear and you’ll feel great, thinking he definitely wants you in his life. Then the next day (when you haven’t heard from him) you’ll feel like you’re right back to square one, wondering if he really does want to continue progressing towards a serious relationship.

The Negative Effect Of Dating Inconsistent Men

Dating inconsistent men can give you the false feeling that you are in love or quickly falling in love. You’ll develop strong feelings for these types of men, not because you are actually falling in love with the man, but simply because you are on an emotional roller coaster ride with them (Check out my post Are You In Love Or On An Emotional Roller Coaster). 

When you are constantly having to wonder and worry about where you stand with a man or when he will see or speak to you next, it unconsciously makes you feel more attached to the person because you are stressing out about them. It’s not strong genuine feelings that you’re cultivating, it’s just a strong desire for continued attention, and validation or confirmation that dating each other is going somewhere.

In the moments that he’s texting you and whispering sweet-nothings in your ear, you feel amazing, beautiful, loved, and cherished. However, when days go by, in the absence of communication, you feel forgotten, deserted, undesired, insecure, and so much more.

Going from these extreme emotional highs to extreme emotional lows is what builds unhealthy attachments to these men and, consequently, we often mistake this artificial attachment as genuine feelings of love and adoration.

Is His Attention Fleeting?

I recently heard this saying “when a guy burns hot, he extinguishes fast,” and I definitely agree with it to a certain extent. Most of the time, when a man comes on really strong and tries to “lay it on thick,” it’s usually fleeting attention that doesn’t last because his aim is simply to quickly move you to the bedroom.

With this in mind, it’s always a great idea to take your time in getting to know a man and pace the dating so that you don’t get wrapped up in any guy’s facade and you give him enough time to let his true colors show.

If you’ve been dating a man whose communication seems to be dwindling, it’s probably not because he is suddenly busy all the time. When a man’s attention is fleeting, it’s because they’ve lost interest or they never really had interest in pursuing a serious relationship in the first place.

How Inconsistency Gets Manifested As Gut Instincts

I’m constantly talking about how important it is to trust your gut instinct. As much as it can be hard to trust ourselves, you should always listen to what your gut tells you.

Your gut instinct will actually kick in when a man is not consistent with you. If he tells you one thing, but his actions say something completely different, you’ll get that gut feeling that something isn’t right.

However, most women tend to write off their gut feelings that something isn’t right, just to learn much later down the line that they really should have paid more attention to it.

How To Weed Out Inconsistent Men When Dating

As a woman, it’s your job to determine whether a man is being truthful and honest in his feelings for you and you accomplish this by paying attention to his words, actions, and your own gut instincts. The days of letting men “sell you the dream“ are over!

You can no longer just listen to the sweet words that men tell you and think that it is the sole indicator of their true interest in you or love for you. You have to start dating consciously so that you can recognize when a man’s behavior is not consistent with what he tells you. This will allow you to make an informed decision when deciding whether to continue pursuing a relationship with a man you’re dating.

For more great dating advice, grab my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Atlanta Book Signing At The 2017 AKISAN National Convention

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Do you live in or near Atlanta, Georgia? Join me on Saturday, August 19, at the 2017 AKISAN National Convention for a book signing from 3pm-5pm. This year’s convention is being held at the Atlanta Marriott Marquis located at 265 Peachtree Center Ave NE, Atlanta, GA 30303. 

About AKISAN

The Akwa Ibom State Association of Nigeria (AKISAN) is a non-profit organization that is devoted to improving the Akwa Ibom community both at home and abroad. Founded in 1968, AKISAN has intervened in areas such as education, health, water supply, sanitation, and so much more.

 
They not only identify problems affecting the community, but they also roll up their sleeves and tackle these problems through awareness, sensitization, and the provision of basic amenities to communities that so desperately need them. 

Here, in the United States, AKISAN has been involved in volunteer services in various cities. Members  have donated time and resources in soup kitchens in Washington DC, Houston, Phoenix, Chicago, and more. In 2016, AKISAN donated batches of water to residents of Flint, Michigan during the city-wide pollution crisis.

Education

AKISAN’s educational initiatives have included the granting of scholarships to needy students, refurbishing schools, providing mentorship to children in need of role models, and donating computers, books, and other educational materials.

Water

AKISAN has built and commissioned several rural water projects to provide clean drinking water for communities in Akwa Ibom State Nigeria. These initiatives ease the stress of rural dwellers who still have to fetch water from streams, ponds, and other sources of water that aren’t healthy for them.

Health

AKISAN members have conducted medical missions in rural communities in Akwa Ibom State as well as South America. They also delivered medications, equipment, and supplies to hospitals and health centers and have organized educational campaigns on the need for childhood immunizations and safe-sex to prevent transmission of HIV/AIDS.

About The Convention

AKISAN’s annual national convention consists of cultural displays, musical performances, brainstorming sessions, beauty pageants, fundraising, and much more.

Come out to support an organization that is truly making a difference and get a signed copy of my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love And Relationship You Deserve —  Amazon | Barnes & Nobles 
Photo Credit: Akisan.org

This Is Why You’re Attracted To Bad Boys

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When you come across that bad boy you feel attracted to, what is it that piques your interest in him? Do you know what’s at the root of your attraction?

Why You’re Attracted To Bad Boys

There’s no one size fits all answer to why you date bad boys, but there are a few common reasons that might apply to you. Perhaps you enjoy the thrill of the bad boy lifestyle or maybe you have a habit of dating emotionally unavailable men.

For some women, low self-esteem at the root of dating bad boys because the attention they receive from the bad boy makes them feel better about themselves.

You may even be attracted to bad boys because of your own misperception and misunderstanding about men’s behavior or personality. Several years ago, I read a really interesting article that said women are attracted to bad boys because their arrogance is mistaken for confidence.

Mistaking Arrogance For Confidence

Basically, you might perceive a bad boy as having a high level of confidence, which is a very strong attraction point when it comes to dating. Whether you’re a man or a woman, confidence is sexy, period.

No one wants to date an insecure person who constantly needs pacifying and reassurance. The reality is, a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence is definitely a turn off.

With bad boys being arrogant and cocky by nature, they display what seems to be great self-confidence when in actuality they’re just arrogant. What’s actually pulling you in is not the bad boy’s true confidence, it’s his boastful, cocky, and arrogant nature.

In this respect, your attraction to bad boys is purely based on mis-perceiving their arrogance for confidence.

Ready To Let Go Of The Bad Boy?

When you consider all of this, it makes perfect sense that you might want to date a bad boy. But, now that you know why you may have been attracted to bad boys, will you continue to date them?

Knowing the basis of your attraction to certain types of man is the starting point for change, but you first have to want the change yourself if you’re going to do anything differently.

So, are you ready to stop dating bad boys? 

For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Photo by Annette Sousa on Unsplash

15 Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend

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Today, it’s become harder and harder for some women to decipher their place in a man’s life. They aren’t sure how to define the relationship or don’t know if what they have is a relationship at all.

It’s not uncommon to see a woman give some guy months or even years of her attention just to learn down the line that he never wanted anything that was more than casual.

Communication Is Key

If you find yourself in an awkward space where you don’t know if you’re in a relationship or dating towards having a serious relationship, the best thing to do is to have an open, honest conversation with the person you’re dating to see if you’re on the same page as far as pursuing a relationship.

I think it’s important to note though, that some men will be very vague and obscure when having the “what are we” conversation. Some men don’t want to lose the great situationship they have with you, but also don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you either.

So, they will try to keep you in limbo for as long as possible so they can delay getting to the point of having to seriously commit to you or break things off.

Signs You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend

If you’ve talked about your situationship, but feel like you didn’t get clarity or only feel more confused, consider the following signs to determine whether you might be your guy’s next serious girlfriend or just his late night creep:

1. He Never Spends More Than 3-4 Hours With You

2. He’s Always “Too Busy” To Make Real Plans With You

3. He Never Takes You Out In Public

4. He Only Hangs Out With You After 9pm 

5. All You Do Is Netflix And Chill

6. He Says He Doesn’t Believe in Using Labels (until you see him calling someone else his fiancé a few years later)

7. He Doesn’t Let You Meet His Friends Or Family And Avoids Yours

8. He Pretends Like He’s Alone When Someone Calls Him And Asks What He’s Doing

9. He’s A Ghost When You’re On Your Period And Resurfaces When It’s Over

10. You Only Hear From Him Once or Twice A Week Or Only A Few Times A Month

11. He Rejected Your Facebook Friend Request

12. He Lies And Says He Doesn’t Have A Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat Account

13. He Won’t Commit To Any Future Plans With You (i.e. vacations, trips, weddings, events, etc.)

14. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For A Relationship

15. He Says He Likes The Situationship Just The Way It Is

If you discuss going out in public or becoming more than what you are now and your guy says he likes things just the way they are, he isn’t “ready” for a relationship, or doesn’t think you guys need to define what you are, you’re never going to be in a real relationship with this man and it’s best that you cut your losses and move on, if this isn’t what you want.

For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

Ready To Give Someone You “FriendZoned” A Real Chance?

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Are you ready to go from friendship to relationship?

A Major Cable Network is casting for a fun new show about single people interested in taking a friendship to the next level – or friends with marriage pacts for a certain age/milestone. 

The basic premise of the show is that the friends try being in a relationship for 30 days. During that time, they will be provided with a series of compatibility exercises designed to determine if they were really meant to be together…or if they should remain as friends. 

If you’re interested in being on the show, submit an application today!

On your application, you can say you were referred by Dee Simone (I am not receiving any compensation or anything of value for my referrals or sharing this posting).

Happy Dating,

Dee Simone

P.S. Don’t forget to check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Photo Credit: Photo by Nathan Walker on Unsplash

6 Dating Tips For Nice Guys Who Don’t Want To Finish Last

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We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last.” But if you read my post Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and it’s not because they aren’t bad boys), you understand that nice guys have more control over whether they finish last than they realize. To help further this, I want to discuss 6 important dating tips for nice guys who don’t want to finish last:

1. Resist The Clinging Impulse

We definitely can’t ignore the fact that some nice guys have a tendency to come off as needy or clingy and if you’re a nice guy doing this, you really have to scale this back. When you meet a woman, your initial communications are crucial and it’s important that you don’t overwhelm or suffocate a new love interest.

If you’re not sure whether you’re giving women the needy vibe, check out my post 8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy. Although you may have good intentions at heart, many women are not attracted to men who are needy, clingy, or need an overwhelming amount of attention.

If you send a woman a text message, don’t send 4 or 5 more texts back to back before getting a response from the first one. Or maybe you’re guilty of getting off the phone with a woman and then immediately texting her to continue the conversation. Calling a woman a second time in the same day when she hasn’t returned your first call is another great way to get boxed into the clingy category.

The harsh reality is that if you don’t immediately get a response from your text or call, you have to exercise patience and just wait for a response. If you never get one, don’t send a flurry of texts or blow up her cell.

You have to take the situation for what it is, she’s just not that into you. And that’s okay because every woman isn’t going to be right for you and a woman’s disinterest gives you the freedom and ability to find that woman who is right for you. Take it as a blessing that you don’t have to spend weeks and months dating a woman who isn’t going to be around long-term and only feels lukewarm about you at best.

Which brings me to my next tip… 

2. Let Feelings Develop Naturally

It’s important that you avoid being needy or clingy so that things can develop naturally over time. I know some men will say that holding themselves back isn’t authentic and that they should be able to fully be themselves with a woman. But, no one is asking you not to be yourself. I’m just saying that you can’t try to latch onto someone too quickly.

You have to take your time because you can’t force a woman to fall in love with you by suffocating her. 

3. Women Need Time To Reflect

Most women need space and time to reflect and think about, and even fantasize about, the person they’re dating. They need to think about the conversations you’ve had, the moments you’ve enjoyed together on dates, and other things.

The act of thinking about you is where the feelings and emotions start to develop. But, if you don’t give a woman some space and time to let yourself pop into her head naturally, she’s not going to fall for you the way you want her to.

You want a woman to want to hear your voice, but if she’s hearing your voice several times a day right after she meets you, she’s probably not going to get to that point. So it’s really important that you allow there to be space for the feelings to grow and develop. 

And, I hope you nice guys can see that slowing down and pacing yourself when you’re dating or trying to date a woman has nothing to do with not being yourself. 

4. Build Your Confidence 

For some nice guys it’s their lack of self-confidence that keeps them from getting women. It’s not just you men that like to date confident people. Women like confident men too. And, just like guys can spot insecurity in women, women can spot insecurity in men as well.

The reality is, a lack of self-confidence is a turn off. So you have to work through your insecurities and build up your self-confidence so that you can be more attractive to women. 

This is how it works for many of us women– You could have a man that’s a 7, but his personality and confidence brings him up to a 10. So, once you build your confidence, you’ll actually feel more comfortable letting your full personality shine through and you’ll ultimately be more attractive to women in the long run.

5. Never Lead With Your Financial Foot

Some nice guys are guilty of using their financial resources to win a woman over or make her fall in love with him. However, leading with your financial foot will only draw the wrong kind of women into your life.

If you feel like you have to shower a woman with gifts and throw your money around for her to like you, then she’s really not the right woman for you and she’ll probably only stick around for as long as you continue to throw that money around. 

6. Be Mindful Of The Women You Chase

To their detriment, some nice guys have a habit of chasing after women who like the “bad boys.” Unfortunately, in the end, with this type of woman, you’re going to lose every time. You will surely get your heart broken in your efforts to show this kind of woman a real, amazing, and healthy love.  

Women who love bad boys have to mature and get to a certain mental state before they can walk away from their bad boy loving lifestyle. Picking an evolved, mature, self-confident (not arrogant) woman is how nice guys can finish first! This is the kind of woman who will always appreciate you for who you are and never take you for granted.

So, instead of trying to convert this woman into a nice guy loving dater, look for the woman who has already evolved past the point of being interested in a bad boy. This is the woman who will appreciate  you, love you, and never take you for granted. This is where you will flourish! 

For more great insight into the female mind and experience, check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

How Do You Define Sexy?

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What’s sexy to one person may not necessarily be sexy to another person. Some women find beards attractive while others don’t. When you think of a sexy man, what comes to mind? Is it a man in a fitted suit? A rugged outdoorsy type in a plaid shirt and jeans? Or is it something different altogether?

For some, sexy is exuded through personality while for others it can be a combination of appearance and personality. 

It’s always good to understand the type of man you’re attracted to and what sexy means to you, especially if your type is the “bad boy.” And, we all know what that looks like! 

So, what does sexy mean to you? How do you define it? Let me know in the comments below!

Till Next Time,

Dee

Need help identifying what your Mr. Right looks like? Get my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble 

 Image courtesy of Alexisdc at FreeDigitalPhotos.net