Category Archives: Relationships

6 Dating Tips For Nice Guys Who Don’t Want To Finish Last

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We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last.” But if you read my post Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and it’s not because they aren’t bad boys), you understand that nice guys have more control over whether they finish last than they realize. To help further this, I want to discuss 6 important dating tips for nice guys who don’t want to finish last:

1. Resist The Clinging Impulse

We definitely can’t ignore the fact that some nice guys have a tendency to come off as needy or clingy and if you’re a nice guy doing this, you really have to scale this back. When you meet a woman, your initial communications are crucial and it’s important that you don’t overwhelm or suffocate a new love interest.

If you’re not sure whether you’re giving women the needy vibe, check out my post 8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy. Although you may have good intentions at heart, many women are not attracted to men who are needy, clingy, or need an overwhelming amount of attention.

If you send a woman a text message, don’t send 4 or 5 more texts back to back before getting a response from the first one. Or maybe you’re guilty of getting off the phone with a woman and then immediately texting her to continue the conversation. Calling a woman a second time in the same day when she hasn’t returned your first call is another great way to get boxed into the clingy category.

The harsh reality is that if you don’t immediately get a response from your text or call, you have to exercise patience and just wait for a response. If you never get one, don’t send a flurry of texts or blow up her cell.

You have to take the situation for what it is, she’s just not that into you. And that’s okay because every woman isn’t going to be right for you and a woman’s disinterest gives you the freedom and ability to find that woman who is right for you. Take it as a blessing that you don’t have to spend weeks and months dating a woman who isn’t going to be around long-term and only feels lukewarm about you at best.

Which brings me to my next tip… 

2. Let Feelings Develop Naturally

It’s important that you avoid being needy or clingy so that things can develop naturally over time. I know some men will say that holding themselves back isn’t authentic and that they should be able to fully be themselves with a woman. But, no one is asking you not to be yourself. I’m just saying that you can’t try to latch onto someone too quickly.

You have to take your time because you can’t force a woman to fall in love with you by suffocating her. 

3. Women Need Time To Reflect

Most women need space and time to reflect and think about, and even fantasize about, the person they’re dating. They need to think about the conversations you’ve had, the moments you’ve enjoyed together on dates, and other things.

The act of thinking about you is where the feelings and emotions start to develop. But, if you don’t give a woman some space and time to let yourself pop into her head naturally, she’s not going to fall for you the way you want her to.

You want a woman to want to hear your voice, but if she’s hearing your voice several times a day right after she meets you, she’s probably not going to get to that point. So it’s really important that you allow there to be space for the feelings to grow and develop. 

And, I hope you nice guys can see that slowing down and pacing yourself when you’re dating or trying to date a woman has nothing to do with not being yourself. 

4. Build Your Confidence 

For some nice guys it’s their lack of self-confidence that keeps them from getting women. It’s not just you men that like to date confident people. Women like confident men too. And, just like guys can spot insecurity in women, women can spot insecurity in men as well.

The reality is, a lack of self-confidence is a turn off. So you have to work through your insecurities and build up your self-confidence so that you can be more attractive to women. 

This is how it works for many of us women– You could have a man that’s a 7, but his personality and confidence brings him up to a 10. So, once you build your confidence, you’ll actually feel more comfortable letting your full personality shine through and you’ll ultimately be more attractive to women in the long run.

5. Never Lead With Your Financial Foot

Some nice guys are guilty of using their financial resources to win a woman over or make her fall in love with him. However, leading with your financial foot will only draw the wrong kind of women into your life.

If you feel like you have to shower a woman with gifts and throw your money around for her to like you, then she’s really not the right woman for you and she’ll probably only stick around for as long as you continue to throw that money around. 

6. Be Mindful Of The Women You Chase

To their detriment, some nice guys have a habit of chasing after women who like the “bad boys.” Unfortunately, in the end, with this type of woman, you’re going to lose every time. You will surely get your heart broken in your efforts to show this kind of woman a real, amazing, and healthy love.  

Women who love bad boys have to mature and get to a certain mental state before they can walk away from their bad boy loving lifestyle. Picking an evolved, mature, self-confident (not arrogant) woman is how nice guys can finish first! This is the kind of woman who will always appreciate you for who you are and never take you for granted.

So, instead of trying to convert this woman into a nice guy loving dater, look for the woman who has already evolved past the point of being interested in a bad boy. This is the woman who will appreciate  you, love you, and never take you for granted. This is where you will flourish! 

For more great insight into the female mind and experience, check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

How Instant Gratification Is Keeping You From The Love Of Your Life

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 If you knew that you were going to meet the love of your life at age 45 or 50, how would this affect your dating life right now? Would you let yourself enter a relationship or get married to Mr. Right Now (also known as Mr. Wrong) because you’re tired of waiting for Mr. Right to come along?

Instant Gratification Vs. Long-Term Happiness

As women, we often have this flawed habit of seeking instant gratification over long-term happiness and viability in a relationship.

What I mean is– when we are dating Mr. Wrong and things start going badly or breaking up is an option that’s on the table, we start thinking about what we will lose or how we will be deprived of affection or companionship or something else if we decide to end things.

This is usually done in place of evaluating whether the man we’re dating is really right for us and contributes to having a positive, healthy, loving relationship.

And so, in fear of losing a companion, being alone, or dealing with the current dating world, we give ourselves instant gratification by staying with Mr. Wrong so we can still have a warm body next to us and not worry about finding a man who is any better.

Why Instant Gratification Is Alluring

Instant gratification is appealing because it immediately satisfies some desire that we have, whether it’s having someone to cuddle at night, being able to say you have a boyfriend, or continuing to reap the financial benefits of dating a wealthy man.

Instant gratification provides instant happiness, but it’s not true, internal happiness and, therefore, it’s not a lasting happiness.

Instant gratification can also be deceiving because those immediate good feelings that come with it can falsely make you feel as though you have made the right decision. But, time will prove otherwise.

The problem is, those happy, content feelings you get from this instant gratification of staying with Mr. Wrong doesn’t last. And eventually the negative feelings you previously harbored start to creep back up, the behavior you were unhappy with starts to rear its ugly head again, and you’re brought back to the very same spot you were before where you to had to contemplate whether the relationship was really worth continuing.

Unfortunately, for many women this is a vicious cycle that’s repeated constantly throughout our lives.

Focus On Your Long-Term Happiness

Instead of focusing on instant gratification, you need to focus on your long-term happiness when you’re evaluating a potential partner or considering whether you should stay with a boyfriend.

Remember, the path you go down if you stay with or marry Mr. Wrong can keep you from meeting Mr. Right. So, is Mr. Right Now worth missing out on the amazing love you could have with your Mr. Right? Probably not!

Keep this in mind the next time you decide to give your problematic boyfriend another chance.

For more great dating advice, check out my new book — Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Available on: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Till Next Time,

Dee

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Wine, Dine, & Book Sign – A Single’s Event

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Are you single and looking for love?

Join me on Saturday, July 1, 2017 at the Lily Roze Studio in downtown Memphis for a single’s night you won’t want to miss!

Come out to mix and mingle with other amazing single Memphians while you enjoy the music, wine, food, and ice breakers. 

You can also get a personalized, signed copy of my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Complimentary wine and finger foods will be provided! Space is limited so register for this FREE single’s event today: Eventbrite 

Can’t wait to meet some of you there!

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Help! Do I Need To Ask All My Dates If They’re Single?

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Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I met this great man and we immediately hit it off. We talked for almost an hour before exchanging numbers. During that conversation he mentioned that he had been divorced for years and didn’t want to get married again, but I was okay with that because I’m not sure that I really want to get married either. I just know I want a great life companion.

Cut to 2 days later. He calls me and we talk for a couple of minutes before he says, “Well, I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing while I was driving home from work… You know, since I can’t text and drive.”

This gave me a funny feeling because it felt like he was implying that he couldn’t talk once he got home, which then made me think that he had a girlfriend at home. So, I mustered up the courage and asked, “are you single??” My heart sank when he said, “No, but I’m not married so technically I am single.”

Then he said, “I wanted to be upfront and honest with you about that because you seem like a good person.” Disgusted, I ended the conversation saying thanks for being honest, but I have to go. Just when I think I’ve met a great man, he turns out to have a girlfriend! It’s very frustrating! So, my question to you Dee is:

Do I really have to ask every man I go out with whether he is single or not? I feel like this guy would have dated me until he got caught if I never asked…

Dear Dater,

I just want to start by saying I’m sorry that you felt you had a great connection with a man who turned out to be in a relationship. You definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up over this.

While he should have been honest about the fact that he had a girlfriend, as a single woman it’s not a bad idea to ask the men you go out with if they’re single or not. Although some men will still lie in order to cheat on their girlfriends, not asking may produce more situations like these.

Trust Your Gut Instincts

Now, if you’re a great judge of character and can easily spot inconsistencies that quickly let you know a man is dating another woman, you may not need to ask this question (and that does seem to be the case with you since you sniffed this guy out pretty quickly).

I think the most important thing to take away from this situation is that you should always trust your gut instincts. Here, your gut said something wasn’t right because a man should want to talk to you in his home, not rush you off the phone before he gets there.

This feeling of something being off is what you always want to pay attention to because ignoring it can easily lead to you getting your heart broken. So, while you may encounter some dishonesty on your quest to finding real love, don’t make it any easier for men to deceive you by avoiding questions you feel inclined to ask.

Was He REALLY A Great Man?

Also, you call this guy a “great man,” but how is he great? Just because you felt like you “clicked” with him doesn’t negate the fact that this is a deceptive person. For all you know, he was putting on an act from the moment you met him in order to win you over and cheat on his girlfriend.

Don’t make yourself feel worse about this situation by wrongly classifying this man as a great person you connected with.

All in all, you did the right thing. By paying attention to your gut, identifying a serious red flag, and addressing it immediately, you ultimately prevented yourself from falling head over heels for a cheating philanderer.

Always trust your gut instincts because they’ll never lead you in the wrong direction!

For more great dating advice, check out my new book Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Need Dating Advice? Get A Free Consultation With Dee The Dating Coach!

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Do you need dating or relationship advice?

The first 15 people to contact me using the contact form below will get a free dating or life coaching session with me. See for yourself how a one-on-one session can help improve your dating and everyday life!

Want great dating advice you can keep on hand? Get my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. Amazon | Barnes & Noble

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Picking Up The Pieces – Chapter 2 Book Excerpt

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Chapter Two Excerpt 

Drop That Emotional Baggage

Your Thoughts, Beliefs, & Emotions Are Crucial

Trust me when I say the thoughts, beliefs, and emotions derived from your past relationships have significant effects on you, how you interact with and treat men, and how you handle your relationships—whether you believe it or not.

The mind is powerful. It takes note of all your thoughts and feelings and files them away accordingly. Then, when you encounter similar scenarios with men, your mind automatically opens that old file and tells you how to feel or act in that moment. And you better believe that your mind allows action and inaction based on all those little beliefs about dating that you’ve filed away in your brain over the years.

This isn’t to say that you have no control over your thoughts and, consequently, how you act. In fact, you do have control. But to exercise that control, you first have to recognize what your beliefs are and where those beliefs come from. Only then can you combat those negative thoughts that turn into negative actions and replace them with new, healthy thoughts that promote positive action and positive results in your dating life.

So instead of continuing to be controlled by your thought that “all men are dogs,” you can replace that thought with this one: “All the men I’ve dated in the past have been dogs, but I’ll no longer give the wrong men my time so that I have a real chance to meet a better man.” You need to make these types of mental shifts.

It’s imperative that you understand how deeply your thoughts about dating and men affect your dating experiences. Remember, if you believe that all men are dogs, you simply won’t put effort into attracting a quality man. You’ll settle for whatever men come along. If you believe that all men cheat, you’ll accept this exact behavior from all the men you date.

Ultimately, those thoughts and beliefs about men and dating that are sitting in your head will get reflected in your real-life world. So if you have negative thoughts about men and dating, those negative thoughts will manifest themselves as real-life results for you. That’s why the only way to change the results you get in your real life is to change and reshape your inner beliefs.

You definitely don’t want your subconscious to produce results in your dating life that don’t make you happy. Meaning, you need to take note of what’s going on in your head so that you can get rid of all those thoughts that don’t support a positive dating life and positive relationships. If you do this, you’ll be well on your way to readying yourself for a great man and a great relationship.

******

Get Picking Up The Pieces today: Amazon | Kindle | Barnes & Noble | Nook Book  

Are You Guilty Of Qualifying Your Confidence?

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Although everyone struggles with confidence in different areas of life, there’s one specific type of confidence problem I see with many women. I call it qualified confidence.

What is Qualified Confidence?

Qualified confidence is when a person reduces their confidence, or qualifies it, in regards to a specific quality or area of their life because someone else exhibits the quality in a better way.

For example, Rebecca thought she was beautiful, but when she went to college she met women she thought were much prettier than her and truly beautiful.

So, she started feeling that she was only “okay” since there were other women who were much prettier than she was. Believing that she wasn’t really pretty anymore, she reduced her confidence, she qualified her confidence based on her perception of other women’s beauty.

Does It Only Apply To Looks?

This doesn’t just apply to looks and physical features, women tend to qualify their confidence in other areas of their life too. A woman may think she is not as good an athlete because she knows that there are better athletes out there.

Or, a woman thinks she isn’t very good in her professional or entrepreneurial life because she knows of another woman who is doing much better than she is.

This is qualified confidence and it’s extremely detrimental to our emotional well-being and our ability to be truly happy with ourselves.

Why You Shouldn’t Qualify Your Confidence 

We are all unique human beings and are great in our own way and just because someone may be better at something than you does not mean that you aren’t one of the best too!

Take Usain Bolt, for example, he crushed his opponents and even had time to smile for the cameras while beating them.

Should the people who came in second, third, or fourth place feel like they are lesser athletes because they lost to Usain Bolt? Of course not! They are still the best runners in their country so it would be ridiculous for them to qualify, or reduce, their confidence because someone else is faster than them.

The same applies to you, ladies! Don’t ever reduce your confidence because you think someone is prettier, smarter, more athletic, or more anything than you. Recognize your strengths, love yourself, and know that you are great just the way you were made!

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Loving Me Rocks” Girl’s Empowerment Conference 2017

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On April 29, 2017, I will be speaking at the “Loving Me Rocks” Girl’s Empowerment Conference at the University of Tennessee at Memphis.

This conference is for daughters and mothers. One of the daughter sessions include, “You Grow Girl” and one of the parent sessions include, “Feeding The Mouth That Bites You.” Join us for this informative, empowering, and motivational conference!

Get your seat today: Eventbrite

I will also be signing books after the event. If you haven’t gotten your copy of Picking up the Pieces, you can get one at the conference or online: Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

Hope to see you there!

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Help! My Girlfriend Breaks Up With Me Once A Week!

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Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

My girlfriend keeps breaking up and getting back together with me. At first it happened every few months, but now it’s been happening once a week and I don’t know what to do. I love this woman. We’ve been dating for a couple of years and I forgive her for doing this, but it’s really starting to make me feel bad about myself and I want it to stop. Every time she breaks up with me she says we’re not compatible, but we never fight and we have a great time together. What should I do?

Dear Dater,

You definitely don’t deserve to be put through this kind of emotional roller coaster, but the good thing is that you’re recognizing her bad relationship habits with you. In the beginning, she only broke up with you every few months, but now it’s happening every week, which tells you that this behavior (and the relationship) is getting progressively worse.

Although you say you guys never fight and have a great time together, there is obviously something else going on underneath the surface that’s causing your girlfriend to want to jump ship frequently. I do think it’s important to point out though that just because you never have disagreements in a relationship, doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship. Your situation is a great example of that.

If your girlfriend felt like the relationship was great too then why would she keep breaking up with you every week? Maybe your girlfriend is considering being with another man, maybe she feels like she’s settling by dating you, maybe she’s always looking for the next best thing, or maybe she has commitment issues. Unfortunately, without knowing your girlfriend, I can’t pinpoint the source of her relationship anxiety.

What I can say for certain though is that there’s something going on that your girlfriend isn’t talking to you about. Have an open, non-confrontational conversation with her about how this back and forth has made you feel and give her an opportunity to explain her true feelings. This will allow you to address any issues she may have been afraid to bring up in the past.

If communicating about this problem doesn’t resolve it, then all I can do for you is help you see what it is that you really want out of a relationship. While you can’t control your girlfriend’s behavior and stop her from breaking up with you periodically, you do have control over yourself and what you accept or tolerate from women. So, consider the following questions and answer them honestly:

  1. Do you believe you deserve unconditional love?
  2. Do you want to be in a relationship where you feel like your girlfriend loves you as much as you love her?
  3. Are you okay with constantly worrying about when your girlfriend will break up with you next?
  4. Do you want to date a woman who, after a couple of years, knows definitively that she only wants to date you?
  5. Do you want a girlfriend that won’t take you on emotional roller coaster rides every week?

Your answers to these questions will help you determine what’s best for you and how to move forward. In my personal opinion, your girlfriend’s behavior says that she doesn’t value you or appreciate you to the extent that she should. Girlfriends should make you feel better about yourself not worse. You shouldn’t have to wonder whether your girlfriend really loves you or whether she’s going to break up with you next week.

Nonetheless, give her a chance to redeem herself by opening up to you and re-committing herself to the relationship. If this doesn’t work or she doesn’t want to, it’s time to cut your ties not only for your emotional well-being, but also so you have the ability to find the kind of love and relationship you truly desire and deserve. A good man deserves a good woman, not a woman who doesn’t recognize what she has!

Always do what is best for your emotional well-being. I wish you all the best!

For more great dating advice, get my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Are You Really Ready For Better Relationships?

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Ladies, consider these questions:

  • Have you ever been dating a guy who suddenly disappeared into thin air?
  • Is it hard for you to trust men?
  • Have you wondered if you’ll ever meet your Mr. Right?
  • Do you feel like there are no good men out there?
  • Do you think you need to settle for any man who is willing to marry you?

Picking up the Pieces will help you attract the love of your life and keep him. Because it encourages you to hold a mirror up to yourself, this book challenges you to face the reality of how you’ve been holding yourself back in your dating and love life.

The first half of this book will guide you through making positive, internal changes using strategic exercises along with tailor-made affirmations. The second half is comprised of dating advice that helps you identify what your Mr. Right looks like while you gain valuable knowledge that will help you navigate the dating world.

Coupled together, this will ultimately bring about the amazing love you truly desire and deserve. You’ll not only be bursting with confidence, but you’ll also be equipped with the tools you need to quickly weed out the frogs and live happily ever after with your prince.

This is a life-changing journey to a better you and better relationships. Are you ready for the ride of your life? Get The Book

As of today, my ebook is officially available on Kindle: Get The eBook

Till Next Time,

Dee

How One Immigrant’s Story Gave Life To A Life Coach (Press Release)

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

HOW ONE IMMIGRANT’S STORY GAVE LIFE TO A LIFE COACH

MIAMI – February 25, 2017 – Dee Simone’s story starts 50 years ago, with the story of her immigrant father, a man who was homeless in Nigeria because his mother abandoned him. Simone has a story—and a life—because her father convinced his best friend to sell his car and give the money to him so that he could buy a plane ticket to the United States of America. With $20 in his pocket, Simone’s father came to this country, worked as a janitor—and at several other odd jobs—and put himself through college and then medical school. 

After Simone’s father found success as a doctor, he brought his best friend to the U.S. and helped him get through medical school to become a doctor as well. Simone’s father’s generosity didn’t stop there; he provided free healthcare and conducted free medical missions within his communities in the U.S. as well as communities in South America and Nigeria.

One of four daughters, Simone became an attorney, a certified mediator, a dating and life coach, and now an author. Following in her father’s footsteps, she continues to give back to her communities and inspires women to find happiness and true love by loving themselves first. Her unique book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve, is more than just dating advice. It’s a journey about self-love, personal growth, and pursuing your goals.

Before providing women with the tools and dating advice they need to identify what their Mr. Right looks like and then how to keep him, this book first encourages women to critically evaluate themselves—using strategic exercises—to recognize the ways they have hindered their own dating lives and relationships. Simone also helps women create tailor-made affirmations to build their confidence, recognize their strengths, and replace any negative thoughts or beliefs about men, dating, and relationships. This book is surely a game-changer!

Picking up the Pieces is available for purchase on www.YourDeeSimone.com and Amazon; the eBook will be available on Kindle March 4, 2017, but it can be pre-ordered now using this link: Kindle Pre-Orders. For more information about Picking up the Pieces, please visit www.YourDeeSimone.com. 

About Dee Simone – Dee Simone is your dating and life coach extraordinaire. She’s a licensed attorney and certified mediator with a degree in sociology. Dee also writes dating advice articles for online publications and created Dee’s Dating Diary (www.DeesDatingDiary.com) to provide women with valuable dating advice they can use in their everyday life. 

ISBN: 978-1542566698 | Number of Pages: 202 | Formats Available: Paperback & eBook 

Media & Publicity Inquiries: Daniel Mazier | 404-369-3363 | YourDeeSimone@gmail.com

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Is Sarmassophobia Hurting Your Dating Life or Relationships?

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Recently, I was asked about the causes of sarmassophobia and how it affects women and their ability to get into relationships. Not having heard of sarmassophobia, I had to do some digging. I learned that sarmassophobia or malaxophobia is the fear of love play, for example, caressing, fondling, or other acts of physical intimacy. 

Who Is Affected By Sarmassophobia?

In my opinion, I think sarmassophobia would be common to victims of rape, sexual abuse, or sexual assault, although women who have not experienced sexual trauma could also have this phobia. For women who have been sexually victimized, developing a fear of love play is completely understandable.

For the other women, the fear of getting too close to a man and getting hurt, heartbroken, or let down in the long run could be the cause of their sarmassophobia. Or perhaps it could simply be the result of not wanting to move fast with men, not wanting to be used for sex or seen as a sex object, or not feeling comfortable enough with someone to engage in love play.

I was also asked whether I think sarmassophobia is a generational problem created by the fact that we are so consumed by social media and unrealistic views of love. With dating apps like Tinder and casual hook ups being more acceptable, to me, it seems more plausible that sarmassophobia would be declining among women who have not been sexually violated. 

How To Overcome Sarmassophobia

I do feel that it’s really important for women suffering from sarmassophobia to determine the root cause of this fear. In identifying the reason for your fear, you’ll be able to start making progress towards overcoming the fear altogether. If the cause of your phobia is from sexual trauma then psychological counseling with a licensed mental health professional will be necessary and extremely helpful.

Now, this isn’t to say that women should openly and freely engage in love play with men they don’t know, don’t like, or aren’t comfortable with. You definitely want to take the time to get to know the person you’re dating before you engage in love play.

The point is, if you meet a great guy who could be your perfect match, you want to be able to give him a genuine chance and not push him away because of your fears or past experiences. You can’t blame every man for one man’s actions.

If a man makes you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or makes unwelcome physical or sexual advances despite your rejection, immediately remove yourself from the situation.

For more great dating advice, get my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Are You Single This Valentine’s Day? Here’s What You Need To Know

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If you’re single, you shouldn’t mope around the house on Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day isn’t just about couples showing each other love, it’s also about showing love to your family and the people you care about.

Brighten a loved one’s day with a thoughtful card and chocolate, have a fabulous dinner with your bestie and paint the town red afterwards. It really doesn’t matter what you do, you could stay home and binge watch TV shows all night. What’s important is that you are making yourself happy and sharing your love with the people you love.

There’s no reason to be sad on Valentine’s Day. You have to be patient for the right love to come along and while you wait you should be working on loving yourself and making yourself happy. Doing this will keep you from sabotaging your next relationship by putting pressure on your boyfriend to create happiness for you. True happiness starts within.

For more great dating advice, get my new book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Image courtesy of Gubgib at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Welcome Back To Dee’s Dating Diary!

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I first want to thank everyone who has been reading Dee’s Dating Diary, especially those of you who have been here from the start! If you’ve been reading my blog since I started it, you may have noticed that, in the past year, I’ve taken a few months off here and there from writing for Dee’s Dating Diary.

I used this time to focus on some other endeavors and I’m excited to tell you that I just finished writing my very first book! The book will be published this year and I will keep you updated on the official release date as well as upcoming events in your area.

I will also be sharing some excerpts from my book over the next few months so you’ll definitely want to check Dee’s Dating Diary out every Saturday at 8pm EST!

Thanks for letting Dee’s Dating Diary into your homes and hearts.

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

How To Be Single And Happy During The Holidays

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As a single woman, you know that family gatherings and holiday parties will mean one thing: getting questioned about your single status. From questions like, “are you dating anyone,” to “why do you think you’re still single,” being single during the holidays can feel stressful. But, it doesn’t have to be!

While it’s easy to let family and friends get into our heads, you can’t let other people make you feel bad about being single.

Although the holidays is a common source of singlehood stress, one of the most stressful events for single women is usually weddings. Instead of being seated at a table with other singles, women are often seated at a table with couples and married people.

What’s worse is that the conversations at these tables are often centered around the couple’s lives, marriage, and having kids. These conversations alienate single wedding attendees and this coupled with questions about where your husband is can easily make a woman feel less than. 

The Single Stigma

Unfortunately, the word “single” has a negative connotation that puts a stigma on husbandless women. People wrongly see you being single as a sign that something is wrong with you or that your problems keep you from holding on to a man for an extended period of time.

Many people wrongly think that if you’re single, it’s for a reason. When many of the people you know are married and having their second or third child, it’s easy for people to speculate on why you haven’t achieved this for yourself.

The truth is, being single is actually a great thing! You shouldn’t see your single status as a negative thing because being in the wrong relationship is what’s bad. Dealing with unnecessary drama and heartache just so you can say you have a man is what you should be afraid of, not being single.

It’s okay if you don’t want to be unhappily married. It’s okay if you want to hold out and wait for the right man to come along. It’s okay to not get swept up in wedding fever and look to the next man who asks you out to be your husband. It’s okay to happily live your life until you run into Mr. Right.

Why Single Shouldn’t Be Stigmatized

Being single is really a positive thing if you approach it the right way and are in the right mental place. Being single means you’re giving yourself the chance to meet a man who is right for you. Being single means you are not going to enter a relationship with a jerk or a controlling and abusive man just so you can feel some sort of fulfillment in the fact that you have someone.

Being single means you are finding, and loving who you really are. Being single means you know how to enjoy your life with or without a significant other. Being single means you know you are a whole woman who doesn’t need a man to complete her, just to complement who she is.

Being single gives you an opportunity to explore yourself and your core values. It allows you to learn more about yourself on a deeper level in a way that gives you a clearer vision of what type of person would best suit you. Being single allows you to see what your priorities in life really are. Being single gives you the objectivity you need to see men more realistically, that is, if you allow yourself to.

Redefine Your Singlehood

All this only happens if you open yourself up to it. If you’re stubborn and stuck in your ways while you’re single, you won’t have that positive growth that will bring you closer to finding the right man for you.

You need to reflect on your past experiences, consider your emotional needs, and identify those qualities that you know won’t help you cultivate a healthy, loving relationship. In doing these things, you will also be more clearly defining the type of man you actually need as opposed to the ones that you want.

Most importantly, you need to live your life and achieve happiness for yourself when you’re single. By doing this you’ll actually put yourself in a much better position to attract and keep the man of your dreams.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Tune in next week when I discuss 20 ways to be single and happy during the holidays and every other day of your life!

Till Next Time,

Dee

 Photo Credit: Image Courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Is Netflix And Chill An Acceptable First Date?

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For those of you who are not familiar with the Netflix and chill date, it’s basically a date where you hang out at someone’s home and watch Netflix together.

Here’s the catch, the men that propose these kind of “dates” aren’t interested in having a real date with you. Instead, that want to lay on the couch or bed with you while watching a movie to make it easier for them to make a pass at you and get in your pants.

The Purpose of Netflix And Chill

The Netflix and chill date is really not a date at all. It’s the least amount of effort that a man can put into getting to know you. As a matter of fact, a man who wants to watch Netflix and chill most likely doesn’t really care about getting to know who you are.

He just wants to get you in an environment that will make it easy for him to come on to you. While many women know what to expect if they’re invited to Netflix and chill, some women are surprised to learn that the purpose of the date was for some no-strings-attached fun.

Of course, if you’ve already gone out on other dates, outside the home, then there’s nothing wrong with being invited over to Netflix and chill. However, your first three or four dates should be outside of each other’s home so that having premature sex won’t be an option.

And you’ll give yourself and your date the opportunity to really get to know each other and see if there is potential for a future relationship.

Do You Want A Relationship or Netflix And Chill Nights?

The reality is, men use Netflix and chill as a way to sleep with women as quickly as possible and with as little effort as necessary to accomplish that goal. If you don’t want just have a casual, sexual relationship, you don’t want to start off on that foot.

If you’re interested in more than just sex, you have to act that way and accepting a Netflix and chill date where you end up sleeping with a man too soon does not bring you any closer to attaining that. 

Now there are women who claim to be equally interested in sex on the first date as men, but a lot of these women eventually come to regret their decision to move quickly on the first date when they realize the man they slept with is no longer showing any interest.

Will Rejecting A Netflix And Chill Date Get You A Relationship?

I’m not saying that rejecting the Netflix and chill date will land you in a relationship with a man, but I am saying that you increase your chances of growing what you have into a relationship if you get to know the man you’re dating before sleeping with him and give him a chance to do the same.

You might even get to know a man and realize that he isn’t right for you at all, so by not jumping into the Netflix and chill date too soon, you give yourself an opportunity to see if a man is compatible with you before you go as far as sleeping with him.

Want To Know If He’s Interested In More Than Just Sex?

If you want to know if a man is interested in more than just sex, kindly turn down his suggestion for a Netflix and chill date and let him know that you’d like to get out of the house and do something fun or grab a bite or a drink.

If he’s still trying to pressure you into a Netflix and chill night or isn’t receptive to doing anything else, this man only sees you as an opportunity for sex and nothing more. 

Survey Results

Two weeks ago, I put an informal survey up on my blog asking, “Are you okay with Netflix and chill dates?” While I did not specify whether it was for a first date or otherwise, I found it interesting that 40% of those surveyed answered “yes,” 40% said “no,” and 20% chose “other.”

What are your thoughts on Netflix and chill for a first date? Let me know in the comments below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image Courtesy of Imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Get A Free Consultation With Dee The Dating Coach!

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Are you ready to get the help you need in your dating or relationship life? If so, I’m offering free consultations through November 30, 2016 to the first 10 people who contact me using the form below. Find out how a one-on-one session can help you improve your dating and relationship life!

For great dating advice you can keep on hand, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

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Here’s Why You Don’t Want To Date A Rich Man

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Many women say they want to date or marry a rich man, but just because a man has a lot of money doesn’t mean you’re going to be happy in a relationship with him.

Wealth Doesn’t Equal Happiness

Wealth should never be a prerequisite for a relationship. Instead, you should be looking to see if a man has the important, non-superficial qualities that you NEED in a relationship. For example, is he considerate and not self-centered? Is he honest? Is he trustworthy? Is he emotionally available? Is he family oriented? Does he treat you with respect? Does he have a good heart?

Just because a man has a lot of money doesn’t mean he is a good person. Money does not create or enhance positive qualities like kindness, trustworthiness, or respect. These are completely separate considerations from money.

So, you may find that a man is very wealthy, but he’s inconsiderate, dishonest, condescending, or disrespectful towards you. You have to start focusing on the qualities in a man that would promote a great, healthy, and loving relationship. You also have to consider who you are as a person and what kind of qualities would complement that.

What’s more important than wealth is whether a man is self-sufficient. You should be concerned that a man can provide for himself and, if he wants a family one day, that he can also provide for a family.

A Downside Of Dating Rich Men

While many women firmly believe that their match will be a man with a lot of money, many of these women find themselves unhappy in these relationships because they don’t get to spend much time with their boyfriends.

Here’s the thing, a man who has built an empire that affords him the wealth and lifestyle that you think you want usually won’t be able to spend the kind of quality time you want with him. Building wealth and maintaining it requires a time commitment that often interferes with the time you would spend together.

You don’t become rich laying under your girlfriend or boyfriend all day. It requires dedication. It requires time. And if you’re the type of woman who likes to spend a lot of time with her boyfriend, there’s no way you would really be happy dating a rich man.

On the other hand, if you’re an independent woman who has her own career or business to consider, dating a rich man may not be an issue since you both would need more time to focus on your own work as opposed to the relationship.

If you want to live in the lap of luxury, provide that lifestyle for yourself and stop looking for a man to do it for you.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image Courtesy of Flare at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How to Bring Up Relationship Problems Without Making Your Boyfriend Defensive

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If you want to bring up relationship problems without making your boyfriend get defensive, you’re going to have to address the conversation from a “This is how I feel” standpoint. Meaning instead of saying “YOU always do this” or “YOU never clean up after yourself,” you have to explain how you feel by speaking in first person.

So, you would say something like, “After a long day at work, I feel so exhausted that’s it’s hard for me to find the energy to clean. It would be so helpful if I had an extra hand around the house.” Speaking from a place of “I” and not, “You” allows a person to hear your concerns more clearly.

Using the word “you” automatically makes most people feel attacked and this is can hold you back from having a productive, positive conversation. Also, being careful to say “I feel…” instead of ” You (insert behavior here)” will keep all the unnecessary low blows out of the discussion.

When you stick to only talking about how you feel, you keep yourself from making the conversation a childish one where you ignite more flames as opposed to putting them out.

Try not to use the word “you” the next time you have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about a relationship problem and see how it goes. 

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

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With advanced technology and the widespread use of online dating, many people have given long distance relationships a try. According to the infographic below, about 14 million people in the U.S. are in long distance relationships.

However, sustaining a long distance relationship is not easy and they are destined for failure unless one person is willing to eventually move and end the long distance aspect of the relationship. If you’re interested in more information on long distance relationships and how you can make them work, check out this infographic:

Infographic courtesy of www.cantwejustgetalongcounselling.com

For great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

15 Signs You’ve Been Rejected

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If a man is not really interested in you, he usually won’t tell you. Instead, he will do other things to show you that he doesn’t see a future with you or doesn’t want to continue seeing you at all. As women, we tend not to want to move on from a man until we know with certainty that there’s no hope for a future with him.

However, the reality is that a man usually won’t verbally state his disinterest in you. It’s up to you to pay attention to the signs that a man may be rejecting you. So, here are 15 signs you’ve been rejected by a man:

1. If he doesn’t call you for several days or weeks, you’ve been rejected.
2. If weeks go by and he hasn’t asked you out or made any plans with you, you’ve been rejected.
3. If he stands you up or doesn’t contact you the day you scheduled a date, you’ve been rejected.
4. If he cancels your date because he found something more fun to do, you’ve been rejected.
5. If he cancels or reschedules your date two or more times in a row, you’ve been rejected.
6. If he says he’s not ready for a commitment, you’ve been rejected.
7. If he says he’s not looking for anything serious, you’ve been rejected.
8. If he says he doesn’t want to tie you down or get in the way of your life, you’ve been rejected.
9. If he says he still has feelings for his ex, you’ve been rejected.
10. If he says his schedule is too busy to date or have a relationship, you’ve been rejected.
11. If he says he doesn’t date women for more than a few months, you’ve been rejected.
12. If he brings a friend along on your date, you’ve been rejected.
13. If he suggests setting you up with a friend, you’ve been rejected.
14. If he doesn’t want you to know where he lives, you’ve been rejected.
15. If he can reach you, but you can never reach him, you’ve been rejected.

Now, just because a man contacts you down the line after he has rejected you in one of these ways doesn’t mean he has a renewed interest in you. He hasn’t all of a sudden realized that he let a good woman go. A guy that has rejected you may contact you again out of boredom or to see if he still has a chance with you because he’s really just looking for something casual.

Just because you get a random phone call one evening asking what you’re doing in the next hour doesn’t mean a man is interested in you for anything more than a casual relationship. Rejection usually does not come in the form of a clear explanation of disinterest. Men will always avoid telling you that they just don’t like you.

So, you have to be able to read men’s behavior and take their choice to only call you or see you randomly or sporadically for what it really is: rejection of any potential growth into a real relationship. 

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Are You In A Relationship Or A Situationship?

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Today, many women are finding themselves in situationships. And yes, these situationships sometimes do resemble a relationship, but when you look at the big picture, it’s clearly not a relationship. A lot of woman are just taking what they get from men and that is the furthest thing from a real relationship.

It seems that the women in situationships are so eager to have someone that they will literally take whatever scraps a man will throw their way. If a man will only spare a few hours of his time on Tuesday nights, she’ll take it. If he only makes time to see her on the weekend when it’s past 9 or 10 pm, she’ll be happy for the time. If he’s “too busy to call” for a week or more, that’s okay with her.

The fact that he never makes plans in advance and makes general references to seeing her by saying things like, “Maybe we can grab a bite to eat or watch a movie this weekend,” without following through doesn’t stop her from continuing the situation. She only sees him when he wants to see her, but she won’t rock the boat by saying that she isn’t comfortable with the situation because she doesn’t want to lose it altogether.

Why Are Situationships Accepted?

Unfortunately, it’s a lack of self-worth and self-respect that allows women to tolerate a situation where her needs and wants are never met, addressed, or even acknowledged. Being in a situationship means being on call for the guy you’re dating. You don’t make plans with your friends because you have to leave your schedule wide open for the moment he chooses to contact you to see you last-minute. And more times than not, you end up having a sad night at home alone because you don’t get the phone call or text that you thought you would.

When you’re “on call” for a man and you do get that text or phone call Saturday night at 9pm, you jump for joy. Of course, since you haven’t seen him in awhile you’re eager to accept his invitation for a late night rendezvous and possible sleep over. But ultimately, this only enables his behavior. And because you’re so happy to finally have the opportunity to be with him, any thought of talking about your needs or concerns fly out of the window. So this man gets to have his cake and eat it too, he gets to have you when he wants and doesn’t have to deal with the fact that he isn’t satisfying you emotionally or giving you the relationship you deserve.

And, if he actually spends the night at your place and hangs out with you Sunday morning this reinforces your belief that you really do have a relationship. The truth is, you only have this semi-relationship when he wants it. And he usually only wants it sporadically or late in the evening after he’s already gone out and done his thing. It’s also likely that he’s only seeing you after the person he really wanted to see was unavailable.

Don’t Let Your Situation Define Who You Are

At the end of the day, situationships destroy whatever remaining self-esteem you have for yourself. You develop an unhealthy dynamic where you only feel good about yourself when the guy is communicating with you and when he’s not you feel insecure, worthless, or unattractive. Your entire well-being is in his hands and this is a terrible position to put yourself in.

There comes a time in every situationship where a woman needs to decide whether the situation is right for her. If you’re in a situationship, the time is now. What do you really want for your future? If it’s scraps then by all means, help yourself! But, if you want a meaningful, loving, and healthy relationship, it’s time to let go of your situation!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Do You Only Like Football Because Your Boyfriend Loves It?

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Most of us know at least one woman who has a habit of taking on her boyfriend’s interests as her own. If her boyfriend loves football, she loves football. If her boyfriend loves golf, she all of a sudden loves golf too. While there is nothing wrong with trying to enjoy the things that your partner likes, you should never pretend to love something that you don’t really feel strongly about.

If you don’t really like football, that’s okay! You can find ways to enjoy game day without putting on an act. If you like cooking, invite some friends over, make some yummy finger foods, and enjoy the social aspect of watching the game. 

Or, allow your boyfriend to enjoy the game with his friends and reconnect with your own friends and do something that you love. Being in a relationship does not mean that you should spend every second together. It’s okay to let your partner enjoy their pastimes or hobbies on their own while you do the same. Your relationship will thrive more if you allow a little individual space and time into it.

Who Are You?

The reality is, the men you date are not always going to like everything that you like. What’s important is that they allow you to be yourself and enjoy the things that you love. This goes both ways. So instead of trying to make your boyfriend’s hobbies your own, start being true to yourself right now. You need to get back to who you really are or take the time to figure out who that person is. 

If you’re thinking, “I don’t have any hobbies or interests,” then you need to cultivate some. There has to be something that peaks your interest that you can do. Whether it’s hiking, camping, swimming, dancing, playing music, drawing, painting, reading, bowling, or volunteering, there is something out there for everyone. Find your passions and pursue them!

You want a man who is going to love you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be. If a man really likes you or loves you, the fact that you don’t enjoy sports as much as him won’t be an issue unless you try to prevent him from watching those sports.

And I feel like I should mention that just because you don’t like football doesn’t mean you should keep your boyfriend from watching it, but you don’t need to act like it’s your favorite thing in the world because your man feels that way. Be comfortable with who you are and be true to yourself so you can really enjoy your life to the fullest!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Arkorn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and it’s not because they aren’t bad boys)

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We’ve all heard the saying “nice guys finish last,” but the major view is that nice guys finish last because they aren’t bad boys and I disagree with this. I find that a lot of nice guys get burned by women, not because they were nice guys, but because they were chasing after the wrong women.
 
A nice guy that’s a good man deserves a good woman as well, and a woman who has not matured enough to understand that she wants the wrong men, the “bad boys,” based on her own insecurities and self-worth issues isn’t worth a nice guy’s time. 
 
Bad Girls Won’t Treat You Well
 
For the nice guys who have managed to get that girl who loves bad boys into a relationship, many of them will tell you how badly they were treated in the relationship. From being talked to disrespectfully to being used financially, to being taken for granted and cheated on, nice guys just aren’t treated well by women who crave the attention of bad boys.
 
Nice guys that get burned by these women were usually shown signs that the women weren’t right for him or wasn’t interested in him for who he was. And deep down inside, nice guys know that these aren’t the type of woman they really want to be in a long-term relationship with, but still, they hope these women will see the light and change. 
 
Unfortunately, it’s usually a woman’s beauty and hot body that blinds nice guys from their better judgement. But it could also be pure desperation. 
 
Is She In The Right Mental Place?
 
The bottom line is, when you go after women who are still on the self-destructive relationship path, you’re bound to get hurt in your efforts to show her real love. A woman can only accept the right love when she is in the right mental place.
 
So, picking an evolved, mature, self-confident (not arrogant) woman is how nice guys can finish first! This is the kind of woman who will always appreciate you for who you are and never take you for granted. Let the women who love the drama filled relationships have just that and set your sights on something better. 
 
Till Next Time,
 
Dee
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Help! My Boyfriend Slept With Someone Else While We Were Broken Up!

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Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

It’s been 2 weeks since I got back together with my boyfriend and he came back after the break up even more of a sweetheart, but there is one catch…He admitted to me that he slept with someone else in his words “I was just trying to get you out of my head.” 
 
I totally understand that we weren’t together when it happened so, duh, it wasn’t cheating, but I am struggling with dealing with him being with someone else in-between, that I’m not the only one he’s been with this year/this age he’s at, the fact that he’s got a higher sex number, etc. Our reunion has been bittersweet…On one hand he’s a better man and is willing to give me everything I’ve ever wanted, and on another he slept with someone in such a gross way it’s a huge turn off for me. 
 
I’m having so much trouble coming to terms with this one fact. Am I wrong for letting something that happened when we were broken up affect my happiness? I’m interested in your thoughts.
 
Dear Dater,
 
It’s completely understandable that you aren’t comfortable with the fact that your boyfriend slept with another woman while you were broken up. However, you shouldn’t let something that happened while you were broken up affect your happiness. 
 
At this point,  you’ve already gotten back together with your ex so if you want to make the relationship work you’re going to have to move past this. But you also need to be honest with yourself, if this is something you’re never going to be able to let go of, then it’s best that you and your boyfriend go your separate ways.
 
If you’re sure that you want to make this relationship work then you need to know that you won’t get over this situation overnight. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to lessen and eventually eliminate the negative feelings you’re currently having:

1. Get Tested Together

First, I suggest that you and your boyfriend go get tested together. Even if your boyfriend used protection during sex, condoms are not 100% effective against STDs! I think that getting a clean bill of health for both of you will help put your mind at ease and really allow you to start moving on from this.

2. Forgive Him

If you’re going to stay in this relationship, you have to forgive your boyfriend. You can’t continue to dwell on this, hold this over his head, or harbor these feelings or it will have a negative impact on your relationship in the long run.
 
Since you were broken up when he slept with someone else he really didn’t violate your relationship. However, if your boyfriend broke up with you for the sole purpose of sleeping with someone else, that would be a totally different story, but I don’t believe that is the case here. 

3. Have An Honest Conversation 

You need to have a conversation with your boyfriend where you let him know that you were bothered by him sleeping with someone else while broken up, but that you fully forgive him and want to move forward.
 
You also want to let your boyfriend know that you won’t hold this over his head or bring it up in future arguments so that he’ll know he won’t have to pay for this the entire relationship.

4. Don’t Focus On His “Number”

Unfortunately, you most likely won’t have the same number of sex partners as the men you date. This is just the reality so you have to move past wanting to have the same number as your boyfriends. The most important thing is that your future boyfriends practice safe sex and get tested regularly so they never put your health at risk!

 

I hope this advice helps you and I wish you all the best in your love life!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone 

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net