Are you ready to get the help you need in your dating or relationship life? If so, I’m offering free consultations through November 30, 2016 to the first 10 people who contact me using the form below. Find out how a one-on-one session can help you improve your dating and relationship life!
For great dating advice you can keep on hand, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Today, the Netflix and chill date has become pretty popular, but are women really happy when they are invited to Netflix and chill? Are women settling for these kind of “dates” or do they prefer it?
If you’re a woman who has been asked to Netflix and chill, answer my quick survey below:
Many women say they want to date or marry a rich man, but just because a man has a lot of money doesn’t mean you’re going to be happy in a relationship with him.
Wealth Doesn’t Equal Happiness
Wealth should never be a prerequisite for a relationship. Instead, you should be looking to see if a man has the important, non-superficial qualities that you NEED in a relationship. For example, is he considerate and not self-centered? Is he honest? Is he trustworthy? Is he emotionally available? Is he family oriented? Does he treat you with respect? Does he have a good heart?
Just because a man has a lot of money doesn’t mean he is a good person. Money does not create or enhance positive qualities like kindness, trustworthiness, or respect. These are completely separate considerations from money.
So, you may find that a man is very wealthy, but he’s inconsiderate, dishonest, condescending, or disrespectful towards you. You have to start focusing on the qualities in a man that would promote a great, healthy, and loving relationship. You also have to consider who you are as a person and what kind of qualities would complement that.
What’s more important than wealth is whether a man is self-sufficient. You should be concerned that a man can provide for himself and, if he wants a family one day, that he can also provide for a family.
A Downside Of Dating Rich Men
While many women firmly believe that their match will be a man with a lot of money, many of these women find themselves unhappy in these relationships because they don’t get to spend much time with their boyfriends.
Here’s the thing, a man who has built an empire that affords him the wealth and lifestyle that you think you want usually won’t be able to spend the kind of quality time you want with him. Building wealth and maintaining it requires a time commitment that often interferes with the time you would spend together.
You don’t become rich laying under your girlfriend or boyfriend all day. It requires dedication. It requires time. And if you’re the type of woman who likes to spend a lot of time with her boyfriend, there’s no way you would really be happy dating a rich man.
On the other hand, if you’re an independent woman who has her own career or business to consider, dating a rich man may not be an issue since you both would need more time to focus on your own work as opposed to the relationship.
If you want to live in the lap of luxury, provide that lifestyle for yourself and stop looking for a man to do it for you.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
If you want to bring up relationship problems without making your boyfriend get defensive, you’re going to have to address the conversation from a “This is how I feel” standpoint. Meaning instead of saying “YOU always do this” or “YOU never clean up after yourself,” you have to explain how you feel by speaking in first person.
So, you would say something like, “After a long day at work, I feel so exhausted that’s it’s hard for me to find the energy to clean. It would be so helpful if I had an extra hand around the house.” Speaking from a place of “I” and not, “You” allows a person to hear your concerns more clearly.
Using the word “you” automatically makes most people feel attacked and this is can hold you back from having a productive, positive conversation. Also, being careful to say “I feel…” instead of ” You (insert behavior here)” will keep all the unnecessary low blows out of the discussion.
When you stick to only talking about how you feel, you keep yourself from making the conversation a childish one where you ignite more flames as opposed to putting them out.
Try not to use the word “you” the next time you have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about a relationship problem and see how it goes.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Today, there are so many people in the “friends with benefits” situation. While many women will say that they have needs too and are okay with having a friend with benefits, the truth is, women usually feel differently after a few weeks or months. Many women go into these situations thinking they can keep their emotions in check and never want more than what they’re getting, but down the line women always want more.
When Does “Friends With Benefits” Stop Working?
If the friends with benefits thing is going well, you’ll start to think, “Hey, we get along and enjoy each other’s company, why don’t we just date each other?” And that’s when things go sour. If you bring up the idea of being more than just hook-up buddies you’ll usually find that the man isn’t interested in being more than what you are now.
Or, maybe your relationship was benefits with no friendship at all and then your guy starts spending time with you outside of the bedroom and you start thinking, “Maybe he’s interested in being more since he’s actually spending quality time with me and not just coming over to have sex.” Well, that’s usually not the case. Just because you start spending more time together doesn’t mean that a man has developed feelings for you and wants to get serious.
Why You Can’t Turn A Hook-Up Buddy Into A Boyfriend
When you become hook-up buddies, your buddy gets to have his cake and eat it too so when you approach him about being more, there’s no way that he is going to want to limit himself to just you. And why would he after he’s been able to have you with no strings attached while still having the option of talking to and sleeping with any other woman he wants.
The reality is, after you have been sleeping with someone for a while, you will start to develop feelings for the person as hard as you try not to. Very few women can actually maintain a casual relationship without eventually wanting to seek more. There are also men who can’t have casual sex without eventually wanting more, but that’s not most men because they tend to be better at separating sex and feelings.
Why You Become “Friends With Benefits”
Most of the time, women do not end up in friends with benefits situations because that is what they are seeking out. Instead, they usually meet a man who lets them know he isn’t interested in a relationship or marriage and the woman goes along with it because deep down inside she feels like she has to take what she can get and she hopes that she can eventually turn the casual sex into a real relationship.
Here’s the thing, you can’t turn sex into a relationship. Yes, you’ve heard of some women that were able to turn their hook-up buddy into a husband, but that’s the exception to the rule not the rule. And we can’t all be the exception, so you have to stop thinking that you can change men and what they say they want.
If you’re not sure whether you’re really okay with being friends with benefits, here are 15 signs you’re not okay being friends with benefits:
If you think you might want to be more than just friends with benefits, you can’t start the relationship off that way. Take your time and get to know the guys you meet and stop trying to convince yourself that all you want is a casual relationship simply because that’s all you’re being offered at the moment.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Although you hope to be ready when you run across Mr. Right, you really never know when that moment may come. You may meet the next love of your life while you’re grocery shopping or running errands. And while we tend not to put much effort into our appearance when we are going to do mundane tasks, the truth is, you should always be dressed the way you would want a potential future boyfriend to see you.
I’m not saying you always need to leave your house like you’re going to a black tie event, but your outfit should look pretty and well put together. You don’t necessarily need to wear makeup, but you should look presentable and attractive. Take some time to pick out an outfit that flatters you and put on some perfume, earrings and/or a necklace, and rock your hottest lip gloss or lipstick.
You never know when you might meet your next boyfriend so be prepared and never leave your house looking sloppy!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Before you go on dates, it’s very important that you put time into making yourself look polished and beautiful. And for many women, this also means getting their eyebrows, upper lip, legs, or bikini area waxed. What’s scary is that, after talking to many women who get waxed, few are aware of a potential health risk they are facing.
Yes, you want to look perfect for your date, but you have to be careful about where you get waxed. If you routinely wax your eyebrows or other areas of your body, you know that your wax technician has to get more wax from the heated container a few times in order to remove all the hair from the area you’re waxing. Here’s the problem, many places that offer waxing services aren’t doing this in a hygienic manner.
What’s The Problem?
You will find that many wax technicians use one wooden stick per customer and will re-dip that same stick in the vat of wax several times, placing any germs that are on your body right into that container of wax. The issue with this is that most places don’t change the wax after each customer. This means that every time your wax technician re-dips the same wooden stick in the wax, they’re putting your bodily germs into all the wax that will be used throughout the day on different people (men and women).
If the place where you get waxed does this with you, they’re doing it with everyone else too, which means you are being exposed to other people’s bodily germs as well. You may have only gone to get your eyebrows or upper lip waxed, but perhaps the person before you got a Brazilian wax with the buttocks strip as well. If your technicians don’t use a new wooden stick every time they get more wax to apply on you, your technician is spreading other people’s germs right onto your eyebrows, upper lip, bikini, or any other area you’re waxing. This is NOT okay.
Where Should You Go?
A good place that offers waxing services will use a new wooden stick every time they get more wax from the heated container so it never gets contaminated and the waxing process remains hygienic. If you get waxed at a place that doesn’t use a new wooden stick each time they dig for more wax, you need to stop going there immediately!!
Call around and find a waxing place that doesn’t double dip their wooden sticks so you don’t expose yourself to unnecessary health risks during the waxing process.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Today, many women are finding themselves in situationships. And yes, these situationships sometimes do resemble a relationship, but when you look at the big picture, it’s clearly not a relationship. A lot of woman are just taking what they get from men and that is the furthest thing from a real relationship.
It seems that the women in situationships are so eager to have someone that they will literally take whatever scraps a man will throw their way. If a man will only spare a few hours of his time on Tuesday nights, she’ll take it. If he only makes time to see her on the weekend when it’s past 9 or 10 pm, she’ll be happy for the time. If he’s “too busy to call” for a week or more, that’s okay with her.
The fact that he never makes plans in advance and makes general references to seeing her by saying things like, “Maybe we can grab a bite to eat or watch a movie this weekend,” without following through doesn’t stop her from continuing the situation. She only sees him when he wants to see her, but she won’t rock the boat by saying that she isn’t comfortable with the situation because she doesn’t want to lose it altogether.
Why Are Situationships Accepted?
Unfortunately, it’s a lack of self-worth and self-respect that allows women to tolerate a situation where her needs and wants are never met, addressed, or even acknowledged. Being in a situationship means being on call for the guy you’re dating. You don’t make plans with your friends because you have to leave your schedule wide open for the moment he chooses to contact you to see you last-minute. And more times than not, you end up having a sad night at home alone because you don’t get the phone call or text that you thought you would.
When you’re “on call” for a man and you do get that text or phone call Saturday night at 9pm, you jump for joy. Of course, since you haven’t seen him in awhile you’re eager to accept his invitation for a late night rendezvous and possible sleep over. But ultimately, this only enables his behavior. And because you’re so happy to finally have the opportunity to be with him, any thought of talking about your needs or concerns fly out of the window. So this man gets to have his cake and eat it too, he gets to have you when he wants and doesn’t have to deal with the fact that he isn’t satisfying you emotionally or giving you the relationship you deserve.
And, if he actually spends the night at your place and hangs out with you Sunday morning this reinforces your belief that you really do have a relationship. The truth is, you only have this semi-relationship when he wants it. And he usually only wants it sporadically or late in the evening after he’s already gone out and done his thing. It’s also likely that he’s only seeing you after the person he really wanted to see was unavailable.
Don’t Let Your Situation Define Who You Are
At the end of the day, situationships destroy whatever remaining self-esteem you have for yourself. You develop an unhealthy dynamic where you only feel good about yourself when the guy is communicating with you and when he’s not you feel insecure, worthless, or unattractive. Your entire well-being is in his hands and this is a terrible position to put yourself in.
There comes a time in every situationship where a woman needs to decide whether the situation is right for her. If you’re in a situationship, the time is now. What do you really want for your future? If it’s scraps then by all means, help yourself! But, if you want a meaningful, loving, and healthy relationship, it’s time to let go of your situation!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Most of us know at least one woman who has a habit of taking on her boyfriend’s interests as her own. If her boyfriend loves football, she loves football. If her boyfriend loves golf, she all of a sudden loves golf too. While there is nothing wrong with trying to enjoy the things that your partner likes, you should never pretend to love something that you don’t really feel strongly about.
If you don’t really like football, that’s okay! You can find ways to enjoy game day without putting on an act. If you like cooking, invite some friends over, make some yummy finger foods, and enjoy the social aspect of watching the game.
Or, allow your boyfriend to enjoy the game with his friends and reconnect with your own friends and do something that you love. Being in a relationship does not mean that you should spend every second together. It’s okay to let your partner enjoy their pastimes or hobbies on their own while you do the same. Your relationship will thrive more if you allow a little individual space and time into it.
Who Are You?
The reality is, the men you date are not always going to like everything that you like. What’s important is that they allow you to be yourself and enjoy the things that you love. This goes both ways. So instead of trying to make your boyfriend’s hobbies your own, start being true to yourself right now. You need to get back to who you really are or take the time to figure out who that person is.
If you’re thinking, “I don’t have any hobbies or interests,” then you need to cultivate some. There has to be something that peaks your interest that you can do. Whether it’s hiking, camping, swimming, dancing, playing music, drawing, painting, reading, bowling, or volunteering, there is something out there for everyone. Find your passions and pursue them!
You want a man who is going to love you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be. If a man really likes you or loves you, the fact that you don’t enjoy sports as much as him won’t be an issue unless you try to prevent him from watching those sports.
And I feel like I should mention that just because you don’t like football doesn’t mean you should keep your boyfriend from watching it, but you don’t need to act like it’s your favorite thing in the world because your man feels that way. Be comfortable with who you are and be true to yourself so you can really enjoy your life to the fullest!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dee’s Dating Diary will be back with new exciting posts on Saturday, August 27, 2016!
In the meantime, you can still get great dating advice on a daily basis by following me on Facebook or Twitter.
You can also get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Happy Dating Ladies!
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
I hope this advice helps you and I wish you all the best in your love life!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
This week I had the pleasure of going on the Love Unlimited Show to discuss my dating essentials. Check out the recorded show for great tips on how to meet new men, use online dating, optimize your first dates, and much more!
Love Unlimited- Dee’s Dating Essentials
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,
Is it okay to tell the guy you’re dating what to wear?
Dear Dater,
If you’re dating a man and simply don’t like his choice of clothes, it’s not okay to try to control how he dresses. Once you’re in a committed relationship, you can make some suggestions of clothes that you think would look great on him, but it’s still up to him to accept those suggestions.
However, if you’re going on a date that requires a guy to dress up or dress down, you definitely want to let him know. It wouldn’t be right to let your date show up to a nice place in a t-shirt, shorts, and sandals.
While some women find it difficult to accept certain men’s dress style, if you’re dating a great guy who treats you well, the last thing you should be thinking about is his choice of clothes.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Good luck and happy dating!
Yours Truly,
Dee Simone
The topic of whether you can be friends with an ex is usually a debated one. While some people believe it is possible, others think its inappropriate or unrealistic. But is it really possible to have a genuine friendship with an ex? And if so, is it possible to maintain that friendship without it affecting your future relationships?
Well, a person’s ability to have a genuine, platonic friendship with an ex is based on 6 intertwined factors:
You’re more likely to be able to maintain a friendship with an ex if both of you are mature. Maturity in this respect is accepting the outcome of the relationship, not harboring any negative feelings, genuinely wanting the best for an ex (even if it means not being together), and not treating each other poorly because of residual negative feelings from the break up. If an ex isn’t mature in these aspects and doesn’t continue to respect you, there’s no way a friendship could possibly work.
If either person is harboring any negative feelings about the relationship or breakup, they won’t be capable of sustaining a friendship. Those lingering negative feelings after a breakup will spill into the friendship in some way. Your ex might have an attitude with you out of nowhere, do something that seems vengeful, or even make you feel bad about yourself simply because they are still angry about breaking up. Whatever snarky things an ex may do will prevent a friendship from ever working.
This is a huge determining factor in whether a genuine friendship with an ex can work. Although some people will tell you that a relationship ended mutually, few breakups are ever mutual. The truth is, when there’s a breakup, one person always wishes the relationship didn’t end. No matter how convincing your ex was when he or she amicably agreed to breakup, you better believe that your ex would have preferred to stay together.
When you’re friends with an ex who wants you back, your ex might try to sabotage your dating efforts or future relationships. In this case, there’s no way you can maintain a genuine friendship. However, if an ex is mature enough to recognize that the relationship cannot be revived, embraces other options, doesn’t let residual feelings negatively affect the friendship and your future relationships with other people, there’s hope for a real friendship to blossom.
It is very common for the person who is broken up with to be jealous of their ex’s new dates or love interests. This jealousy could manifest itself in many different ways. A jealous ex might act angry, frustrated, or annoyed with you, question your whereabouts, try to sabotage your relationships, or intentionally give you bad dating advice. A lack of jealousy is imperative for a friendship to work with an ex.
If you try to be friends with an ex immediately after breaking up it’s extremely difficult to hang out without acting like a couple. After all, you did just spend the past several months or years together so it’s understandable that you’re accustomed to acting a certain way with each other. Unfortunately, things like your old lovey-dovey or touchy-feely ways can get in the way. You may have loved running your fingers through your exes hair, but if you can’t stop doing it after the breakup, you simply just can’t be friends.
It should go without saying, but if you become “friends with benefits” with an ex, a genuine, platonic friendship is out of the question. Continuing to have sex after the breakup blurs the lines in more ways than one. If you try to have a friendship with your ex, but keep having sex you essentially enter a situation that resembles your relationship without the official title.
And if one person is still eager to be back in the relationship, it’s only a matter of time before the question, “what are we really doing” comes up. Lets face it, someone is going to seriously wonder why there was a breakup at all.
So, if both people are mature, don’t harbor negative feelings about the breakup, don’t want to get back together, don’t start a “friends with benefits” situation, and respect each others future relationships, then a genuine friendship may just work out!
Here’s the kicker though, what happens if your next boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t comfortable with the friendship you have with your ex? What if it’s your husband or wife that has an issue with the friendship? Are you willing to end a friendship with an ex if your current partner is bothered by it? Let me know what you think in the comments!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
How many times has a guy asked you for your phone number, but then never actually call you? Like many other women, you probably wonder why a man would go out of his way to get your number if he has no intentions of ever using it.
Well, some men may only be getting your number to see if you would actually give it to them or to see if they still “got it.” But the truth is, if a man gets your phone number and never calls you, he just wasn’t that interested in you.
If you mutually exchanged numbers with the guy that doesn’t call, there’s usually a strong temptation to call the guy yourself. You make up excuses for him like, maybe he got a new phone and lost my phone number or maybe he’s not sure if I’m interested and wants to see if I’ll call him. Whatever excuses you tell yourself so that you can make that phone call are only hurting you because it prolongs the inevitable, you never seeing or hearing from this guy again.
If he wasn’t interested enough to actually call you, there is nothing you can say to this man on the phone that is going to all of a sudden conjure up feelings for you. You have to be able to take a situation for what it is, if he’s not calling you, he’s not feeling you! Don’t prolong the inevitable by calling the guy who doesn’t feel like calling you. Your time and energy would be better spent on anything else!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
First dates are crucial and if they don’t go well you’re pretty much guaranteed to never see your date again. So, here are 10 important first date tips that will increase your chances of landing a second date:
You should always put effort into how you look for your dates. Don’t show up like you just rolled out of bed and couldn’t even brush your hair. Look like someone you would want to date. Remember, you’re supposed to be putting your best foot forward on your first dates and you’re not doing that if you look like something the cat dragged in.
Check out my article 6 Must Dos Before A Date for more tips on getting yourself together before a date. If you have trouble finding the right first date outfit, check out my article Are You Picking The Wrong First Date Outfits?
Never treat your dates like interviews. You should be getting to know your date through engaging, mutual conversation and not a drawn out Q and A session. You want your date to feel comfortable, not scrutinized and judged so you have to fight the urge to interview your date.
Talking about an ex or exes on first dates is a huge mood killer and it reduces your ability to make a great connection with the person you’re with. You also don’t want your date to get the impression that you aren’t over your ex. You should be focused on enjoying the company of your date, not sharing your love war stories or the trials and tribulations of dating.
In order to increase your chances of making a great connection on a date, you have to avoid sensitive topics like religion and politics. The time will come to have these conversations, but your first few dates with a man is not it.
Talking about your problems or flaws on a first date is a huge downer! Not to mention the fact that you will most likely make your date feel uncomfortable. Your dates should be light-hearted and fun, not dark and awkward. Your date is not there to fix your problems, but he can make you feel better without you having to address them if you allow him to show you a good time.
Dates are supposed to be fun and enjoyable, but just like with talking about your problems, telling sad stories will bring down the mood and make your date feel uncomfortable.
You shouldn’t drink heavily on first dates, if at all. Having more than 1-2 drinks on your first date can cause more problems than you realize. My article 4 Problems with Drinking on First Dates explains why.
Many people don’t realize how important it is to smile. Smiles are inviting and they can actually disarm people and get them to open up to you much more. You want your date to let down his guard and feel relaxed with you, smiling will help accomplish this.
Body language communicates more than we know. If you have your arms crossed, for example, your date might feel like your closed off and not interested in him. Sitting with your arms crossed puts up a barrier and makes it more difficult to connect with your date and have a good time. In fact, you’re definitely not having a good time if your arms are crossed. So, loosen up, uncross those arms, and really interact with your date.
For more tips on improving your body language on dates, check out my article 5 Tips For Better Dating Body Language.
The most important thing you need to do on your dates is enjoy yourself. If you’re interested in getting married one day, then you want a boyfriend that you can enjoy life with and your first date is your opportunity to see whether this is possible. Forget all your lists, forget what his future goals are, and just see if your date is a man whose company you enjoy.
Check out my article Increase Your Chances of Making a Connection to see how you can improve the connections you make on dates.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
There is a significant difference between red flags, which tell you there might be a big problem with the man you’re dating, and deal breakers. Deal breakers are things that show you a relationship will never work or won’t be good for you. While red flags are more like hints or signs that there may be underlying problems, once you encounter a deal breaker, you need to cut ties immediately.
It’s up to you though to be able to differentiate between red flags and deal breakers. An example of a deal breaker would be any kind of abuse, verbal, emotional, or physical. There’s no questions here, if you encounter abuse, that’s a deal breaker and you need to end the relationship immediately. No kind of abuse is acceptable under any circumstances. It doesn’t matter if your man is super stressed out or going through a lot, there is never an excuse for abuse!
However, if a man’s attention is dwindling and he’s not seeing you as frequently, this is a red flag because it suggests that there may be a problem beneath the surface. Perhaps he’s losing interest in you or maybe he’s seeing someone else. Either way, this is something that warrants an open and honest conversation with the person you’re dating. This kind of red flag doesn’t mean you need to immediately end the relationship, but you do need to address the issue to make sure there isn’t a bigger problem going on.
So, keep your eyes open and start recognizing the difference between red flags and deal breakers so that you can act accordingly!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Learn About More Red Flags and Deal Breakers:
Red Flag: He’s Too Busy To Call
Red Flag: He Sells You The Dream Relationship
Red Flag: Does He Pull Disappearing Acts?
Red Flag: He Suddenly Always Has To Work Late
Deal Breaker: He’s A Deadbeat Dad
Dating a man who is a deadbeat dad is a huge deal breaker especially if you’re interested in having a family one day. A deadbeat dad is a man who doesn’t take care of the children he has fathered, doesn’t spend time with his kids, or refuses to pay child support.
The relationship a man has with his children is an indicator of how he may act if you start a family together. If a man is not willing to be a parent to the children he helped bring into this world then you can’t expect him to be any more involved with the children you have together. When a man neglects his own child, this may also be a sign that you could be neglected down the line as well.
You want a man that can step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities, not ignore them. And the whole, “my baby’s mother won’t let me see my kids” is garbage! Fathers have a right to see their children and that right can be enforced in court. If a man isn’t willing to get a lawyer to fight for his right to see his child then he’s a deadbeat dad and not worth seeing at all!
Never date a man who isn’t willing to be there for his own child.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Some men make dating an emotional roller coaster for women and instead of getting off the ride, many women continue to deal with the crazy ups and downs. What’s worse though is that women tend to mistake those feelings from an emotional roller coaster for a strong attraction or genuine love.
Here’s the thing, when a man is constantly breaking his promises, telling you he’s too busy to see or call you, canceling your dates, pulling disappearing acts, or letting you down, it conjures up many emotions within you and, consequently, creates an emotional tie to the man putting you through this.
The Emotional Roller Coaster
Whether you want to admit it or not, when a man lets you down in some way you feel badly about it and when he comes back to redeem himself you all of a sudden feel great again, right? But, what happens when he does it again? You anxiously wait for him to make it up to you again, right? Well, this is the emotional roller coaster and it helps create an unhealthy attachment to men you really shouldn’t be dating at all.
In going through those ups and downs, you unconsciously develop strong feelings towards a man that is easy to mistake for genuine feelings of love or interest. But, the reality is those strong feelings are really just a result of a man treating you poorly, it’s not because you’re in love.
Is He Boring Or Is He Just Not A Jerk?
Women who are used to dealing with emotional roller coasters when dating often pass up on great men because the men are “not exciting” or their “boring.” These women say, “I just don’t feel a strong connection.” But the truth is, they are just so used to dealing with a whirlwind of emotions from the constant let downs that they think a lack of those strong emotions swirling inside of them means there isn’t a good connection with a man.
When you are waiting for a man to make something up to you, it feels so great when he does because he made you feel so badly when he let you down. That extreme happiness you feel when a man tries to fix his mess is not what your goal should be in dating because you only feel that happy because you previously felt so sad. These kinds of emotions are never going to measure up to what you have with a man who doesn’t put you through hell. And that is because you’ll have emotional stability.
When you are so used to dealing with the downs and waiting for the ups that it affects your judgment of other men, that’s a serious problem! It’s all too easy to mistake the kinds of feelings you have for a man, which is why it’s important that you recognize how and why your feelings develop for men. Don’t sabotage your dating life by refusing to date men who don’t take you on a roller coaster ride!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
There’s nothing wrong with dating more than one guy at a time (7 Reasons Why You Should Date More Than One Guy At A Time), but the number of men you’re dating needs to be kept within reason. You definitely don’t need a roster! So, here are 10 signs you’re dating too many guys at one time:
If you’re on a date or talking on the phone with a guy and you can’t quickly remember his name, you’re dating too many guys at one time!
If you have to introduce your date to someone and you can’t remember his name, you’re dating too many guys at one time.
If you’re mixing up names and calling a man by the wrong name, you’re dating too many guys at one time.
If you call one guy you’re dating, but actually meant to call a different guy, you’re definitely dating too many guys at once.
If you call one of the guys you’re dating and shortly after you dial his number you have to look at your phone screen to remember which one you’re calling, you’re dating too many guys at one time.
If you’re in the middle of a phone conversation and you have to look at the phone screen to remember which guy you’re talking to, you’re dating too many guys at one time.
If you mix up the things you’ve learned about the guys you’re dating, that’s a problem. If you start telling a friend about one of the men you’re dating and you later realize that you actually told her details about the wrong guy, you’re dating too many people at one time.
If you can’t recognize one of the guys you’re dating by his voice, you’re dating too many guys at one time. You should be able to answer your phone, hear a man’s voice, and know who you’re talking to. However, if you were never good at recognizing voices, this doesn’t apply to you.
If you have to save every guy’s number with a code word or phrase to remember who he is, you’re dating too many guys at one time.
If you’re going on dates with different guys at the same places and the restaurant or bar staff knows your game, you’re dating too many guys at the same time.
If your friends or family can’t remember a guy’s name, you’re dating too many guys at one time.
If your friends resort to creating quirky nicknames for the guys you’re dating because it’s easier to remember and keep up with, you’re dating too many guys at once.
If you have to re-read your entire text conversations to recall facts about your date, you’re dating too many guys at one time.
It’s definitely great to get out there and date, but don’t date so many men at once that keeping up with it all becomes a full-time job.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Many people misperceive the idea of dating more than one man at a time. It’s not about sleeping with multiple men, it’s about dating smarter and dating more objectively. So, here are 7 reasons why you should date more than one guy at a time:
Just about every woman who has dated and owns a cell phone is guilty of rereading a date’s texts or replaying his voicemails. When you spend time dwelling on and over-analyzing texts, voicemails, emails, etc, you may start feeling more connected to a person than you should. Take away your ability to obsess by spending time getting to know other men.
When you’re dating one guy, it’s easy to get attached to him even if he’s not really right for you. But when you date more than one guy at a time, it prevents you from being able to obsess over any one man, which in turn, allows you to remain emotionally balanced while getting to know a man. Remember that obsessive behavior helps you unconsciously develop unhealthy emotional attachments to men.
Dating more than one man at a time allows you to slow down and pace the dating process because you have to divide your time and attention among more than one person. If you’re dating 2-3 men, it doesn’t allow you to spend every waking second with one man and that’s good!
Trying to spend too much time with a man too soon could push him away or scare him off altogether. And it could make you feel like you have more of a connection than you actually do.
Being able to be objective when you’re dating is important and dating multiple men allows you to see things more objectively. When you don’t have time to over-think about one particular man and reread all his texts to your friends, you’ll have a clearer picture of who your date actually is as opposed to some fantasized image of who you hope this man will be.
Dating more than one guy at a time allows you to be more aware of the type of connection you have established. If you haven’t been in a serious relationship in a while and you’re eager to start your next one, you may not have an accurate gauge of the connection you have with your date. You may feel like you have a strong connection with your date simply because he says he wants to get married and start a family one day. So, you may not be able to decipher whether there is a true connection and compatibility because of your strong desire for a relationship.
On the other hand, when you date one man you could feel like you have an okay connection with him and because it’s been a while since you’ve had any connection at all, you’re eager to see where things can go. However, when you’re dating more than one guy at a time, you may see that you have an okay connection with one man, but a spectacular connection with another. If that’s the case, do you want to stop dating the guy you have the amazing connection with and continue dating the guy you feel “so-so” about? The answer is obvious.
When you’re not obsessing over your date and you’re able to be objective about men and your compatibility, you will ultimately choose a better long-term partner.
No one is perfect and we all have things we can work on. The bad part is, it takes time to eliminate your bad dating habits so you need practice in order to break those habits and replace them with positive ones and this means going on a lot of dates!
While you may feel uncomfortable dating more than one guy at a time, give it a try to see if it gives you a better perspective and helps you make better long-term dating choices.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Veronica’s Story*
When Veronica started dating Charles, he was completely upfront and honest about the fact that he still lived with his ex-girlfriend. He told Veronica that they broke up months ago, but neither could afford to move out before the lease was up. Charles assured Veronica that he and his ex lived strictly as roommates and that he no longer had feelings for her. Veronica appreciated that Charles was honest about his living situation and she felt confident in her choice to continue dating him.
Although Veronica wasn’t interested in spending time at Charles’ apartment since his ex-girlfriend would be there, she didn’t like the fact that they could only hang out at her apartment. On top of that, Charles would never sleep at Veronica’s place because he wasn’t sure how his ex would react to him dating just months after the relationship ended. While this didn’t sit well with Veronica, she wrote off her feelings and swept her slight bitterness under the rug.
As the 4th of July holiday approached, Veronica asked Charles if he wanted to barbecue together at her place. He told her yes, but that it would have to be closer to the evening because he was going to another barbecue. When she asked if it was a certain friend’s barbecue who told her it was actually his ex-girlfriend’s family’s barbecue. Veronica was crushed.
The whole time she dated Charles she genuinely believed that him and his ex had completely cut ties, but that wasn’t the case at all. She asked him why he would be going to their barbecue and he said he didn’t want his ex to feel bad because she had to go alone. Obviously, this was a load of crap and Veronica knew that Charles had not been as upfront and honest about his “ex” as she thought he’d been.
Moral of the story? No matter what reasons or excuses a man gives you, you should never date a man who still lives with his ex-girlfriend and here are four important reasons why:
If you’re dating a man who lives with his “ex,” there’s a good chance that your new love interest is still in that relationship.
You can’t completely get over an ex and move on when you still live together. You need to know that your date still has a strong emotional attachment to his ex. A man might tell you that he’s over his ex, but living together allows a person to temporarily escape some of the pain that a full separation would cause.
If the relationship is actually over, this doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. When you continue living with an ex after a break up, getting back together is all too easy and you could get your heartbroken all because of residual feelings that eventually are acted upon.
Another important reason why you shouldn’t date men that live with their exes is because you become the rebound girl. All you are is a crutch for this man to bridge the gap between leaving his ex and regaining his freedom. Remember, men usually never end up seriously dating or marrying the rebound girl.
Give a man time to fully untangle himself from his last relationship and emotionally move on before considering him as a date option.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
1. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For Marriage
Most of us have heard a story of a women who broke up with a man because he wasn’t ready for marriage and within a year or two he’s married to someone else. When a man tells you that he’s not ready for marriage, what he’s really saying is, “I’m not ready to marry you!”
Not being “ready” for marriage is just an excuse. If you’ve already been dating for two years or more, there’s no amount of time that’s going to change the way your boyfriend feels about you.
2. He Takes You For Granted
If your boyfriend takes you for granted while you’re dating, he most likely will never see the value in marrying you. This is why you have to Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband! When you treat your boyfriend like your husband he’ll take all the things you do for granted and, consequently, he won’t see the need to marry you because you already give him everything he would have as your husband.
3. He Doesn’t Introduce You To People As His Girlfriend
If your boyfriend doesn’t introduce you to people as his girlfriend then he doesn’t take your relationship very seriously and the likelihood of him ever marrying you is slim to none.
4. He Refuses To Relocate For The Relationship
If you’re in a long distance relationship and your boyfriend refuses to relocate for the relationship, he’s never going to be your husband.
5. He Doesn’t Believe In Marriage
If your boyfriend tells you that he doesn’t believe in marriage or it’s just a piece of paper, then he really has no intentions of ever marrying you. You want a man who is afraid of losing you, not a man who is afraid of being with you!!
6. You Haven’t Met His Close Friends or Family
If you’ve been dating for over a year and your boyfriend’s friends and family lives in the same city as the both of you, there’s a reason he hasn’t introduced you to them. If a man really loves you and is open to spending the rest of his life with you, he isn’t going to hide you from his friends and family.
7. He’s Not Friends With You on Facebook
If your boyfriend has a Facebook account and you’ve been dating for almost a year or more, but aren’t Facebook friends, he definitely doesn’t plan on marrying you one day.
8. He Suggests Breaking Up
If your boyfriend suggests that you break up anytime you bring up relationship problems, he’s never going to be your husband. This guy already has one foot out the door because he would rather leave you than work through any issues with you. Remember, you never want to hold on to a man who doesn’t want to be held.
9. He Pulls Disappearing Acts
If your boyfriend Pulls Disappearing Acts, he’s never going to be your husband! A man who easily runs away from your relationship has no intentions of making you his wife.
10. He Spends More Time With “The Boys” Than You
If your boyfriend spends more time with his friends than you, he’s never going to be your husband. It’s definitely important for both men and women to maintain their friendships while they’re in a relationship, but if your boyfriend prefers to spend less time with you he’s not going to commit himself to spending the rest of his life with you.
For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Have you ever gone out with a man who “sold you the dream?” Well, this is a big red flag! You have to be very careful with any man who sells you the dream relationship because it is usually just that, a dream.
What is Selling The Dream?
Men who sell you the dream try to lull you into a false sense of confidence in the prospect of a future together by telling you all the things you might want to hear. This man will tell you that he’s really into you, he’s seriously looking for a woman that he can build a future with and start a family with. He’ll tell you that you’re the type of woman he can see himself marrying, that he can tell you would be a great mother and wife.
He might suggest various types of dates you could go on in the future. He might even tell you that he wants to show you the world and take you to places that you’ve never been. This guy will literally tell you anything that sounds good.
Why Sell The Dream?
The men who sell you the dream on your first few dates lay it on thick and paint a picture of this amazing relationship you could have because they want you to think that you’ll have a future together. But most importantly, they want you to feel extremely comfortable and open so they can get you in bed as quickly as possible.
It shouldn’t be hard for you to spot the guy who is selling you the dream because he is basically going to try to convince you that what you have is more than what it really is and then try to get in your pants. What you really need to do is slow down, pace the dating process, and pay close attention to this man’s actions.
Don’t Buy The Hype
Remember, actions speak louder than words and it’s not always the actions during the date itself that are the most telling of a man’s intent. If you reject his advances and he respects that and continues to date you and treat you like a gentleman then great!
However, if he lays it on thick, tries to come onto you, gets rejected and rarely calls or communicates with you between dates, then he’s definitely selling you the dream. You can’t rush the dating process so slow down and keep your eyes open!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dee's Dating Diary 