Do You Only Like Football Because Your Boyfriend Loves It?

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Most of us know at least one woman who has a habit of taking on her boyfriend’s interests as her own. If her boyfriend loves football, she loves football. If her boyfriend loves golf, she all of a sudden loves golf too. While there is nothing wrong with trying to enjoy the things that your partner likes, you should never pretend to love something that you don’t really feel strongly about.

If you don’t really like football, that’s okay! You can find ways to enjoy game day without putting on an act. If you like cooking, invite some friends over, make some yummy finger foods, and enjoy the social aspect of watching the game. 

Or, allow your boyfriend to enjoy the game with his friends and reconnect with your own friends and do something that you love. Being in a relationship does not mean that you should spend every second together. It’s okay to let your partner enjoy their pastimes or hobbies on their own while you do the same. Your relationship will thrive more if you allow a little individual space and time into it.

Who Are You?

The reality is, the men you date are not always going to like everything that you like. What’s important is that they allow you to be yourself and enjoy the things that you love. This goes both ways. So instead of trying to make your boyfriend’s hobbies your own, start being true to yourself right now. You need to get back to who you really are or take the time to figure out who that person is. 

If you’re thinking, “I don’t have any hobbies or interests,” then you need to cultivate some. There has to be something that peaks your interest that you can do. Whether it’s hiking, camping, swimming, dancing, playing music, drawing, painting, reading, bowling, or volunteering, there is something out there for everyone. Find your passions and pursue them!

You want a man who is going to love you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be. If a man really likes you or loves you, the fact that you don’t enjoy sports as much as him won’t be an issue unless you try to prevent him from watching those sports.

And I feel like I should mention that just because you don’t like football doesn’t mean you should keep your boyfriend from watching it, but you don’t need to act like it’s your favorite thing in the world because your man feels that way. Be comfortable with who you are and be true to yourself so you can really enjoy your life to the fullest!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Arkorn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and it’s not because they aren’t bad boys)

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We’ve all heard the saying “nice guys finish last,” but the major view is that nice guys finish last because they aren’t bad boys and I disagree with this. I find that a lot of nice guys get burned by women, not because they were nice guys, but because they were chasing after the wrong women.
 
A nice guy that’s a good man deserves a good woman as well, and a woman who has not matured enough to understand that she wants the wrong men, the “bad boys,” based on her own insecurities and self-worth issues isn’t worth a nice guy’s time. 
 
Bad Girls Won’t Treat You Well
 
For the nice guys who have managed to get that girl who loves bad boys into a relationship, many of them will tell you how badly they were treated in the relationship. From being talked to disrespectfully to being used financially, to being taken for granted and cheated on, nice guys just aren’t treated well by women who crave the attention of bad boys.
 
Nice guys that get burned by these women were usually shown signs that the women weren’t right for him or wasn’t interested in him for who he was. And deep down inside, nice guys know that these aren’t the type of woman they really want to be in a long-term relationship with, but still, they hope these women will see the light and change. 
 
Unfortunately, it’s usually a woman’s beauty and hot body that blinds nice guys from their better judgement. But it could also be pure desperation. 
 
Is She In The Right Mental Place?
 
The bottom line is, when you go after women who are still on the self-destructive relationship path, you’re bound to get hurt in your efforts to show her real love. A woman can only accept the right love when she is in the right mental place.
 
So, picking an evolved, mature, self-confident (not arrogant) woman is how nice guys can finish first! This is the kind of woman who will always appreciate you for who you are and never take you for granted. Let the women who love the drama filled relationships have just that and set your sights on something better. 
 
Till Next Time,
 
Dee
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Gone For The Summer!

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Dee’s Dating Diary will be back with new exciting posts on Saturday, August 27, 2016!

In the meantime, you can still get great dating advice on a daily basis by following me on Facebook or Twitter.

You can also get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Happy Dating Ladies!

Till Next Time,

Dee

Help! My Boyfriend Slept With Someone Else While We Were Broken Up!

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Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

It’s been 2 weeks since I got back together with my boyfriend and he came back after the break up even more of a sweetheart, but there is one catch…He admitted to me that he slept with someone else in his words “I was just trying to get you out of my head.” 
 
I totally understand that we weren’t together when it happened so, duh, it wasn’t cheating, but I am struggling with dealing with him being with someone else in-between, that I’m not the only one he’s been with this year/this age he’s at, the fact that he’s got a higher sex number, etc. Our reunion has been bittersweet…On one hand he’s a better man and is willing to give me everything I’ve ever wanted, and on another he slept with someone in such a gross way it’s a huge turn off for me. 
 
I’m having so much trouble coming to terms with this one fact. Am I wrong for letting something that happened when we were broken up affect my happiness? I’m interested in your thoughts.
 
Dear Dater,
 
It’s completely understandable that you aren’t comfortable with the fact that your boyfriend slept with another woman while you were broken up. However, you shouldn’t let something that happened while you were broken up affect your happiness. 
 
At this point,  you’ve already gotten back together with your ex so if you want to make the relationship work you’re going to have to move past this. But you also need to be honest with yourself, if this is something you’re never going to be able to let go of, then it’s best that you and your boyfriend go your separate ways.
 
If you’re sure that you want to make this relationship work then you need to know that you won’t get over this situation overnight. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to lessen and eventually eliminate the negative feelings you’re currently having:

1. Get Tested Together

First, I suggest that you and your boyfriend go get tested together. Even if your boyfriend used protection during sex, condoms are not 100% effective against STDs! I think that getting a clean bill of health for both of you will help put your mind at ease and really allow you to start moving on from this.

2. Forgive Him

If you’re going to stay in this relationship, you have to forgive your boyfriend. You can’t continue to dwell on this, hold this over his head, or harbor these feelings or it will have a negative impact on your relationship in the long run.
 
Since you were broken up when he slept with someone else he really didn’t violate your relationship. However, if your boyfriend broke up with you for the sole purpose of sleeping with someone else, that would be a totally different story, but I don’t believe that is the case here. 

3. Have An Honest Conversation 

You need to have a conversation with your boyfriend where you let him know that you were bothered by him sleeping with someone else while broken up, but that you fully forgive him and want to move forward.
 
You also want to let your boyfriend know that you won’t hold this over his head or bring it up in future arguments so that he’ll know he won’t have to pay for this the entire relationship.

4. Don’t Focus On His “Number”

Unfortunately, you most likely won’t have the same number of sex partners as the men you date. This is just the reality so you have to move past wanting to have the same number as your boyfriends. The most important thing is that your future boyfriends practice safe sex and get tested regularly so they never put your health at risk!

 

I hope this advice helps you and I wish you all the best in your love life!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone 

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dee’s Dating Essentials

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This week I had the pleasure of going on the Love Unlimited Show to discuss my dating essentials. Check out the recorded show for great tips on how to meet new men, use online dating, optimize your first dates, and much more!

Love Unlimited- Dee’s Dating Essentials

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Is It Okay To Tell The Man You’re Dating What To Wear?

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Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

Is it okay to tell the guy you’re dating what to wear?

Dear Dater,

If you’re dating a man and simply don’t like his choice of clothes, it’s not okay to try to control how he dresses. Once you’re in a committed relationship, you can make some suggestions of clothes that you think would look great on him, but it’s still up to him to accept those suggestions. 

However, if you’re going on a date that requires a guy to dress up or dress down, you definitely want to let him know. It wouldn’t be right to let your date show up to a nice place in a t-shirt, shorts, and sandals. 

While some women find it difficult to accept certain men’s dress style, if you’re dating a great guy who treats you well, the last thing you should be thinking about is his choice of clothes. 

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Good luck and happy dating!

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

6 Signs You Can’t Be Friends With Your Ex

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The topic of whether you can be friends with an ex is usually a debated one. While some people believe it is possible, others think its inappropriate or unrealistic. But is it really possible to have a genuine friendship with an ex? And if so, is it possible to maintain that friendship without it affecting your future relationships?

Well, a person’s ability to have a genuine, platonic friendship with an ex is based on 6 intertwined factors:

1. Maturity Level

You’re more likely to be able to maintain a friendship with an ex if both of you are mature. Maturity in this respect is accepting the outcome of the relationship, not harboring any negative feelings, genuinely wanting the best for an ex (even if it means not being together), and not treating each other poorly because of residual negative feelings from the break up. If an ex isn’t mature in these aspects and doesn’t continue to respect you, there’s no way a friendship could possibly work.

2. Feelings About The Break Up

If either person is harboring any negative feelings about the relationship or breakup, they won’t be capable of sustaining a friendship. Those lingering negative feelings after a breakup will spill into the friendship in some way. Your ex might have an attitude with you out of nowhere, do something that seems vengeful, or even make you feel bad about yourself simply because they are still angry about breaking up. Whatever snarky things an ex may do will prevent a friendship from ever working.

3. Desire To Get Back Together

This is a huge determining factor in whether a genuine friendship with an ex can work. Although some people will tell you that a relationship ended mutually, few breakups are ever mutual. The truth is, when there’s a breakup, one person always wishes the relationship didn’t end. No matter how convincing your ex was when he or she amicably agreed to breakup, you better believe that your ex would have preferred to stay together.

When you’re friends with an ex who wants you back, your ex might try to sabotage your dating efforts or future relationships. In this case, there’s no way you can maintain a genuine friendship. However, if an ex is mature enough to recognize that the relationship cannot be revived, embraces other options, doesn’t let residual feelings negatively affect the friendship and your future relationships with other people, there’s hope for a real friendship to blossom.

4. Jealousy

It is very common for the person who is broken up with to be jealous of their ex’s new dates or love interests. This jealousy could manifest itself in many different ways. A jealous ex might act angry, frustrated, or annoyed with you, question your whereabouts, try to sabotage your relationships, or intentionally give you bad dating advice. A lack of jealousy is imperative for a friendship to work with an ex.

5. Stuck In Your Relationship Ways

If you try to be friends with an ex immediately after breaking up it’s extremely difficult to hang out without acting like a couple. After all, you did just spend the past several months or years together so it’s understandable that you’re accustomed to acting a certain way with each other. Unfortunately, things like your old lovey-dovey or touchy-feely ways can get in the way. You may have loved running your fingers through your exes hair, but if you can’t stop doing it after the breakup, you simply just can’t be friends. 

6. Friends With Benefits

It should go without saying, but if you become “friends with benefits” with an ex, a genuine, platonic friendship is out of the question. Continuing to have sex after the breakup blurs the lines in more ways than one. If you try to have a friendship with your ex, but keep having sex you essentially enter a situation that resembles your relationship without the official title.

And if one person is still eager to be back in the relationship, it’s only a matter of time before the question, “what are we really doing” comes up. Lets face it, someone is going to seriously wonder why there was a breakup at all. 

So, if both people are mature, don’t harbor negative feelings about the breakup, don’t want to get back together, don’t start a “friends with benefits” situation, and respect each others future relationships, then a genuine friendship may just work out!

Here’s the kicker though, what happens if your next boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t comfortable with the friendship you have with your ex? What if it’s your husband or wife that has an issue with the friendship? Are you willing to end a friendship with an ex if your current partner is bothered by it? Let me know what you think in the comments!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credits: Images courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Help! He Got My Number, But Never Called!

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How many times has a guy asked you for your phone number, but then never actually call you? Like many other women, you probably wonder why a man would go out of his way to get your number if he has no intentions of ever using it. 

Well, some men may only be getting your number to see if you would actually give it to them or to see if they still “got it.” But the truth is, if a man gets your phone number and never calls you, he just wasn’t that interested in you. 

If you mutually exchanged numbers with the guy that doesn’t call, there’s usually a strong temptation to call the guy yourself. You make up excuses for him like, maybe he got a new phone and lost my phone number or maybe he’s not sure if I’m interested and wants to see if I’ll call him. Whatever excuses you tell yourself so that you can make that phone call are only hurting you because it prolongs the inevitable, you never seeing or hearing from this guy again. 

If he wasn’t interested enough to actually call you, there is nothing you can say to this man on the phone that is going to all of a sudden conjure up feelings for you. You have to be able to take a situation for what it is, if he’s not calling you, he’s not feeling you! Don’t prolong the inevitable by calling the guy who doesn’t feel like calling you. Your time and energy would be better spent on anything else!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee 

Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

10 Important First Date Tips

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First dates are crucial and if they don’t go well you’re pretty much guaranteed to never see your date again. So, here are 10 important first date tips that will increase your chances of landing a second date:

1. Put Effort Into Your Appearance

You should always put effort into how you look for your dates. Don’t show up like you just rolled out of bed and couldn’t even brush your hair. Look like someone you would want to date. Remember, you’re supposed to be putting your best foot forward on your first dates and you’re not doing that if you look like something the cat dragged in.

Check out my article 6 Must Dos Before A Date for more tips on getting yourself together before a date. If you have trouble finding the right first date outfit, check out my article Are You Picking The Wrong First Date Outfits?

2. Get To Know Your Date The Right Way

Never treat your dates like interviews. You should be getting to know your date through engaging, mutual conversation and not a drawn out Q and A session. You want your date to feel comfortable, not scrutinized and judged so you have to fight the urge to interview your date.

3. Never Talk About Exes

Talking about an ex or exes on first dates is a huge mood killer and it reduces your ability to make a great connection with the person you’re with. You also don’t want your date to get the impression that you aren’t over your ex. You should be focused on enjoying the company of your date, not sharing your love war stories or the trials and tribulations of dating.

4. Avoid Sensitive Subjects

In order to increase your chances of making a great connection on a date, you have to avoid sensitive topics like religion and politics. The time will come to have these conversations, but your first few dates with a man is not it.

5. Don’t Talk About Your Problems

Talking about your problems or flaws on a first date is a huge downer! Not to mention the fact that you will most likely make your date feel uncomfortable. Your dates should be light-hearted and fun, not dark and awkward. Your date is not there to fix your problems, but he can make you feel better without you having to address them if you allow him to show you a good time.

6. Don’t Tell Sad Stories

Dates are supposed to be fun and enjoyable, but just like with talking about your problems, telling sad stories will bring down the mood and make your date feel uncomfortable.

7. Don’t Drink Heavily

You shouldn’t drink heavily on first dates, if at all. Having more than 1-2 drinks on your first date can cause more problems than you realize. My article 4 Problems with Drinking on First Dates explains why.

8. Smile

Many people don’t realize how important it is to smile. Smiles are inviting and they can actually disarm people and get them to open up to you much more. You want your date to let down his guard and feel relaxed with you, smiling will help accomplish this.

9. Mind Your Body language

Body language communicates more than we know. If you have your arms crossed, for example, your date might feel like your closed off and not interested in him. Sitting with your arms crossed puts up a barrier and makes it more difficult to connect with your date and have a good time. In fact, you’re definitely not having a good time if your arms are crossed. So, loosen up, uncross those arms, and really interact with your date.

For more tips on improving your body language on dates, check out my article 5 Tips For Better Dating Body Language.

10. Have Fun!

The most important thing you need to do on your dates is enjoy yourself. If you’re interested in getting married one day, then you want a boyfriend that you can enjoy life with and your first date is your opportunity to see whether this is possible. Forget all your lists, forget what his future goals are, and just see if your date is a man whose company you enjoy.

Check out my article Increase Your Chances of Making a Connection to see how you can improve the connections you make on dates.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Red Flags vs. Deal Breakers

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There is a significant difference between red flags, which tell you there might be a big problem with the man you’re dating, and deal breakers. Deal breakers are things that show you a relationship will never work or won’t be good for you. While red flags are more like hints or signs that there may be underlying problems, once you encounter a deal breaker, you need to cut ties immediately.

It’s up to you though to be able to differentiate between red flags and deal breakers. An example of a deal breaker would be any kind of abuse, verbal, emotional, or physical. There’s no questions here, if you encounter abuse, that’s a deal breaker and you need to end the relationship immediately. No kind of abuse is acceptable under any circumstances. It doesn’t matter if your man is super stressed out or going through a lot, there is never an excuse for abuse!

However, if a man’s attention is dwindling and he’s not seeing you as frequently, this is a red flag because it suggests that there may be a problem beneath the surface. Perhaps he’s losing interest in you or maybe he’s seeing someone else. Either way, this is something that warrants an open and honest conversation with the person you’re dating. This kind of red flag doesn’t mean you need to immediately end the relationship, but you do need to address the issue to make sure there isn’t a bigger problem going on.

So, keep your eyes open and start recognizing the difference between red flags and deal breakers so that you can act accordingly!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Learn About More Red Flags and Deal Breakers:

Red Flag: He’s Too Busy To Call

Red Flag: He Sells You The Dream Relationship

Red Flag: Does He Pull Disappearing Acts?

Red Flag: He Suddenly Always Has To Work Late

Red Flag: He Fell Asleep

Deal Breaker: He’s A Deadbeat Dad

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Deal Breaker: He’s A Deadbeat Dad

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Dating a man who is a deadbeat dad is a huge deal breaker especially if you’re interested in having a family one day. A deadbeat dad is a man who doesn’t take care of the children he has fathered, doesn’t spend time with his kids, or refuses to pay child support. 

The relationship a man has with his children is an indicator of how he may act if you start a family together. If a man is not willing to be a parent to the children he helped bring into this world then you can’t expect him to be any more involved with the children you have together. When a man neglects his own child, this may also be a sign that you could be neglected down the line as well.

You want a man that can step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities, not ignore them. And the whole, “my baby’s mother won’t let me see my kids” is garbage! Fathers have a right to see their children and that right can be enforced in court. If a man isn’t willing to get a lawyer to fight for his right to see his child then he’s a deadbeat dad and not worth seeing at all! 

Never date a man who isn’t willing to be there for his own child. 

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee 

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Are You In Love Or On An Emotional Roller Coaster?

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Some men make dating an emotional roller coaster for women and instead of getting off the ride, many women continue to deal with the crazy ups and downs. What’s worse though is that women tend to mistake those feelings from an emotional roller coaster for a strong attraction or genuine love.

Here’s the thing, when a man is constantly breaking his promises, telling you he’s too busy to see or call you, canceling your dates, pulling disappearing acts, or letting you down, it conjures up many emotions within you and, consequently, creates an emotional tie to the man putting you through this.

The Emotional Roller Coaster

Whether you want to admit it or not, when a man lets you down in some way you feel badly about it and when he comes back to redeem himself you all of a sudden feel great again, right? But, what happens when he does it again? You anxiously wait for him to make it up to you again, right? Well, this is the emotional roller coaster and it helps create an unhealthy attachment to men you really shouldn’t be dating at all.

In going through those ups and downs, you unconsciously develop strong feelings towards a man that is easy to mistake for genuine feelings of love or interest. But, the reality is those strong feelings are really just a result of a man treating you poorly, it’s not because you’re in love.

Is He Boring Or Is He Just Not A Jerk?

Women who are used to dealing with emotional roller coasters when dating often pass up on great men because the men are “not exciting” or their “boring.” These women say, “I just don’t feel a strong connection.” But the truth is, they are just so used to dealing with a whirlwind of emotions from the constant let downs that they think a lack of those strong emotions swirling inside of them means there isn’t a good connection with a man.

When you are waiting for a man to make something up to you, it feels so great when he does because he made you feel so badly when he let you down. That extreme happiness you feel when a man tries to fix his mess is not what your goal should be in dating because you only feel that happy because you previously felt so sad. These kinds of emotions are never going to measure up to what you have with a man who doesn’t put you through hell. And that is because you’ll have emotional stability. 

When you are so used to dealing with the downs and waiting for the ups that it affects your judgment of other men, that’s a serious problem! It’s all too easy to mistake the kinds of feelings you have for a man, which is why it’s important that you recognize how and why your feelings develop for men. Don’t sabotage your dating life by refusing to date men who don’t take you on a roller coaster ride!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

10 Signs You’re Dating Too Many Guys At One Time

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There’s nothing wrong with dating more than one guy at a time (7 Reasons Why You Should Date More Than One Guy At A Time), but the number of men you’re dating needs to be kept within reason. You definitely don’t need a roster! So, here are 10 signs you’re dating too many guys at one time:

1. You Forget A Guy’s Name.

If you’re on a date or talking on the phone with a guy and you can’t quickly remember his name, you’re dating too many guys at one time!

If you have to introduce your date to someone and you can’t remember his name, you’re dating too many guys at one time.

2. You Call Him The Wrong Name

If you’re mixing up names and calling a man by the wrong name, you’re dating too many guys at one time.

3. You Dial The Wrong Guy

If you call one guy you’re dating, but actually meant to call a different guy, you’re definitely dating too many guys at once.

4. You Have To Re-check Who You’re Calling

If you call one of the guys you’re dating and shortly after you dial his number you have to look at your phone screen to remember which one you’re calling, you’re dating too many guys at one time.

If you’re in the middle of a phone conversation and you have to look at the phone screen to remember which guy you’re talking to, you’re dating too many guys at one time.

5. You Mix Up Information

If you mix up the things you’ve learned about the guys you’re dating, that’s a problem. If you start telling a friend about one of the men you’re dating and you later realize that you actually told her details about the wrong guy, you’re dating too many people at one time.

6. You Can’t Recognize A Guy’s Voice

If you can’t recognize one of the guys you’re dating by his voice, you’re dating too many guys at one time. You should be able to answer your phone, hear a man’s voice, and know who you’re talking to. However, if you were never good at recognizing voices, this doesn’t apply to you.

7. You Have To Use Code Names

If you have to save every guy’s number with a code word or phrase to remember who he is, you’re dating too many guys at one time.

8. Restaurant/Bar Staff Knows Your Game

If you’re going on dates with different guys at the same places and the restaurant or bar staff knows your game, you’re dating too many guys at the same time.

9. Your Friends Can’t Keep Up

If your friends or family can’t remember a guy’s name, you’re dating too many guys at one time.

If your friends resort to creating quirky nicknames for the guys you’re dating because it’s easier to remember and keep up with, you’re dating too many guys at once.

10. You Have To Re-read Texts For Details

If you have to re-read your entire text conversations to recall facts about your date, you’re dating too many guys at one time.

It’s definitely great to get out there and date, but don’t date so many men at once that keeping up with it all becomes a full-time job.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Get A Free Consultation With Dee The Dating Coach

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Do you need dating or relationship advice? If so, I’m offering free consultations through April 30, 2016 to the first 10 people who contact me using the form below. See first hand, and for FREE, how a one-on-one session can help your dating and relationship life.

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Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Marcolm at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Reasons Why You Should Date More Than One Guy At A Time

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Many people misperceive the idea of dating more than one man at a time. It’s not about sleeping with multiple men, it’s about dating smarter and dating more objectively. So, here are 7 reasons why you should date more than one guy at a time:

1. You Won’t Have Time To Obsess

Just about every woman who has dated and owns a cell phone is guilty of rereading a date’s texts or replaying his voicemails. When you spend time dwelling on and over-analyzing texts, voicemails, emails, etc, you may start feeling more connected to a person than you should. Take away your ability to obsess by spending time getting to know other men. 

2. You Won’t Get Overly Attached

When you’re dating one guy, it’s easy to get attached to him even if he’s not really right for you. But when you date more than one guy at a time, it prevents you from being able to obsess over any one man, which in turn, allows you to remain emotionally balanced while getting to know a man. Remember that obsessive behavior helps you unconsciously develop unhealthy emotional attachments to men.

3.  It Forces You To Slow Down

Dating more than one man at a time allows you to slow down and pace the dating process because you have to divide your time and attention among more than one person. If you’re dating 2-3 men, it doesn’t allow you to spend every waking second with one man and that’s good!

Trying to spend too much time with a man too soon could push him away or scare him off altogether. And it could make you feel like you have more of a connection than you actually do.

  4. You See More Objectively

Being able to be objective when you’re dating is important and dating multiple men allows you to see things more objectively. When you don’t have time to over-think about one particular man and reread all his texts to your friends, you’ll have a clearer picture of who your date actually is as opposed to some fantasized image of who you hope this man will be.

5. You Can Objectively Gauge The Connection

Dating more than one guy at a time allows you to be more aware of the type of connection you have established. If you haven’t been in a serious relationship in a while and you’re eager to start your next one, you may not have an accurate gauge of the connection you have with your date. You may feel like you have a strong connection with your date simply because he says he wants to get married and start a family one day. So, you may not be able to decipher whether there is a true connection and compatibility because of your strong desire for a relationship.

On the other hand, when you date one man you could feel like you have an okay connection with him and because it’s been a while since you’ve had any connection at all, you’re eager to see where things can go. However, when you’re dating more than one guy at a time, you may see that you have an okay connection with one man, but a spectacular connection with another. If that’s the case, do you want to stop dating the guy you have the amazing connection with and continue dating the guy you feel “so-so” about? The answer is obvious. 

6. You Will Make Better Choices

When you’re not obsessing over your date and you’re able to be objective about men and your compatibility, you will ultimately choose a better long-term partner.

7. You Can Break Bad Dating Habits.

No one is perfect and we all have things we can work on. The bad part is, it takes time to eliminate your bad dating habits so you need practice in order to break those habits and replace them with positive ones and this means going on a lot of dates!

While you may feel uncomfortable dating more than one guy at a time, give it a try to see if it gives you a better perspective and helps you make better long-term dating choices. 

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date Men Who Live With Their Exes

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Veronica’s Story*

When Veronica started dating Charles, he was completely upfront and honest about the fact that he still lived with his ex-girlfriend. He told Veronica that they broke up months ago, but neither could afford to move out before the lease was up. Charles assured Veronica that he and his ex lived strictly as roommates and that he no longer had feelings for her. Veronica appreciated that Charles was honest about his living situation and she felt confident in her choice to continue dating him.

Although Veronica wasn’t interested in spending time at Charles’ apartment since his ex-girlfriend would be there, she didn’t like the fact that they could only hang out at her apartment. On top of that, Charles would never sleep at Veronica’s place because he wasn’t sure how his ex would react to him dating just months after the relationship ended. While this didn’t sit well with Veronica, she wrote off her feelings and swept her slight bitterness under the rug.

As the 4th of July holiday approached, Veronica asked Charles if he wanted to barbecue together at her place. He told her yes, but that it would have to be closer to the evening because he was going to another barbecue. When she asked if it was a certain friend’s barbecue who told her it was actually his ex-girlfriend’s family’s barbecue. Veronica was crushed.

The whole time she dated Charles she genuinely believed that him and his ex had completely cut ties, but that wasn’t the case at all. She asked him why he would be going to their barbecue and he said he didn’t want his ex to feel bad because she had to go alone. Obviously, this was a load of crap and Veronica knew that Charles had not been as upfront and honest about his “ex” as she thought he’d been.

Moral of the story? No matter what reasons or excuses a man gives you, you should never date a man who still lives with his ex-girlfriend and here are four important reasons why:

1. It’s Probably Not Over

If you’re dating a man who lives with his “ex,” there’s a good chance that your new love interest is still in that relationship.

2. The Attachment Isn’t Broken

You can’t completely get over an ex and move on when you still live together. You need to know that your date still has a strong emotional attachment to his ex. A man might tell you that he’s over his ex, but living together allows a person to temporarily escape some of the pain that a full separation would cause.

3. Relationship Relapses Are Real

If the relationship is actually over, this doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. When you continue living with an ex after a break up, getting back together is all too easy and you could get your heartbroken all because of residual feelings that eventually are acted upon.

4. You’ll Always Be The Rebound Girl

Another important reason why you shouldn’t date men that live with their exes is because you become the rebound girl. All you are is a crutch for this man to bridge the gap between leaving his ex and regaining his freedom. Remember, men usually never end up seriously dating or marrying the rebound girl.

Give a man time to fully untangle himself from his last relationship and emotionally move on before considering him as a date option.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

*The names in this article have been changed for anonymity.
Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

10 Signs Your Boyfriend Will Never Be Your Husband

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1. He Says He’s Not “Ready” For Marriage

Most of us have heard a story of a women who broke up with a man because he wasn’t ready for marriage and within a year or two he’s married to someone else. When a man tells you that he’s not ready for marriage, what he’s really saying is, “I’m not ready to marry you!”

Not being “ready” for marriage is just an excuse. If you’ve already been dating for two years or more, there’s no amount of time that’s going to change the way your boyfriend feels about you. 

2. He Takes You For Granted

If your boyfriend takes you for granted while you’re dating, he most likely will never see the value in marrying you. This is why you have to Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband! When you treat your boyfriend like your husband he’ll take all the things you do for granted and, consequently, he won’t see the need to marry you because you already give him everything he would have as your husband.

3. He Doesn’t Introduce You To People As His Girlfriend

If your boyfriend doesn’t introduce you to people as his girlfriend then he doesn’t take your relationship very seriously and the likelihood of him ever marrying you is slim to none.

4. He Refuses To Relocate For The Relationship

If you’re in a long distance relationship and your boyfriend refuses to relocate for the relationship, he’s never going to be your husband.

5. He Doesn’t Believe In Marriage

If your boyfriend tells you that he doesn’t believe in marriage or it’s just a piece of paper, then he really has no intentions of ever marrying you. You want a man who is afraid of losing you, not a man who is afraid of being with you!!

6. You Haven’t Met His Close Friends or Family

If you’ve been dating for over a year and your boyfriend’s friends and family lives in the same city as the both of you, there’s a reason he hasn’t introduced you to them. If a man really loves you and is open to spending the rest of his life with you, he isn’t going to hide you from his friends and family. 

7. He’s Not Friends With You on Facebook

If your boyfriend has a Facebook account and you’ve been dating for almost a year or more, but aren’t Facebook friends, he definitely doesn’t plan on marrying you one day. 

8. He Suggests Breaking Up

If your boyfriend suggests that you break up anytime you bring up relationship problems, he’s never going to be your husband. This guy already has one foot out the door because he would rather leave you than work through any issues with you. Remember, you never want to hold on to a man who doesn’t want to be held.

9. He Pulls Disappearing Acts

If your boyfriend Pulls Disappearing Acts, he’s never going to be your husband! A man who easily runs away from your relationship has no intentions of making you his wife.

10. He Spends More Time With “The Boys” Than You

If your boyfriend spends more time with his friends than you, he’s never going to be your husband. It’s definitely important for both men and women to maintain their friendships while they’re in a relationship, but if your boyfriend prefers to spend less time with you he’s not going to commit himself to spending the rest of his life with you.

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credits: Images courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Red Flag: He Sells You The Dream Relationship

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Have you ever gone out with a man who “sold you the dream?” Well, this is a big red flag! You have to be very careful with any man who sells you the dream relationship because it is usually just that, a dream.

What is Selling The Dream?

Men who sell you the dream try to lull you into a false sense of confidence in the prospect of a future together by telling you all the things you might want to hear. This man will tell you that he’s really into you, he’s seriously looking for a woman that he can build a future with and start a family with. He’ll tell you that you’re the type of woman he can see himself marrying, that he can tell you would be a great mother and wife.

He might suggest various types of dates you could go on in the future. He might even tell you that he wants to show you the world and take you to places that you’ve never been. This guy will literally tell you anything that sounds good. 

Why Sell The Dream?

The men who sell you the dream on your first few dates lay it on thick and paint a picture of this amazing relationship you could have because they want you to think that you’ll have a future together. But most importantly, they want you to feel extremely comfortable and open so they can get you in bed as quickly as possible.

It shouldn’t be hard for you to spot the guy who is selling you the dream because he is basically going to try to convince you that what you have is more than what it really is and then try to get in your pants. What you really need to do is slow down, pace the dating process, and pay close attention to this man’s actions.

Don’t Buy The Hype

Remember, actions speak louder than words and it’s not always the actions during the date itself that are the most telling of a man’s intent. If you reject his advances and he respects that and continues to date you and treat you like a gentleman then great!

However, if he lays it on thick, tries to come onto you, gets rejected and rarely calls or communicates with you between dates, then he’s definitely selling you the dream. You can’t rush the dating process so slow down and keep your eyes open!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Challenge: Don’t Call Him The Day of The Date

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You have a date scheduled with a guy this Saturday. When Saturday rolls around, you’re tempted to call or text your date to confirm or make sure he still wants to go out, but you shouldn’t. Instead, wait. Don’t call your date, text, email, Instagram, Snapchat him or anything else.

The reason why you want to do this is so that you can see whether your date would have followed through on his plans with you. Say you don’t contact your date and he doesn’t contact you at all on Saturday, then you know he wasn’t really interested in you to begin with. Some guys will make plans that they don’t necessarily intend to keep. So you don’t want to nudge a guy into a date by reminding him yourself that your supposed to go out.

If a man really wants to see you he isn’t going to forget about the plans you made or flake on them by not contacting you on the day of the date. So I challenge you to not call or text a man first on the day of your date. This way, you won’t ever have to wonder if the date wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t take the time to contact him.

Do yourself a favor and give yourself a chance to see where a man’s head is really at!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time, 

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Blackzheep at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Red Flag: He’s Too Busy To Call

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The “I was busy” excuse is pretty popular with some men and most women have heard this excuse before. The guy you’re dating tells you that he is going to call you tomorrow or that he is going to take you out over the weekend, but he never does. When he finally gets back to you, he tells you how crazy his week or month has been and that he had absolutely no time whatsoever to call or even text you. 

Now, how many of you are guilty of accepting the “I was busy” excuse? While you will feel inclined to forgive a man’s lack of communication or breaking of commitments due to his extremely “busy” schedule, you ultimately devalue yourself and your worth by accepting this excuse.

You’re Worthy of Communication 

The problem with believing the busy excuse is that you may internalize this as you not being worthy of a man’s attention when he has other things going on. You may even start to think that it’s okay to just be an afterthought to a man. But, if a man tells you he is going to call you tomorrow, it doesn’t matter how busy his day was, he should have made some kind of effort to communicate with you, even if just through texts. 

You have to realize that people make time for what they really want. So, if a man really wants to talk to you or really wants to see you, he is going to make time to do that. No matter how busy a person is, it doesn’t take much effort to make a quick phone call or shoot someone a text. Being busy does not negate a man’s responsibility to honor his word!

You deserve a man who will keep his commitments and promises to you and you can’t let a man convince you that you aren’t important enough for a phone call or text. You deserve a man who calls you when he says he is going to call you and who actually keeps the dates you schedule.

Dates Cancelled By Silence

Most importantly, you have to be weary of any man who tells you that he is so busy he didn’t even have time to cancel your date plans. This really means that you’re barely an afterthought to this guy and he doesn’t respect you enough to not waste your time. This is not the kind of man you should continue to date under any circumstances.

It’s one thing if work or an emergency prevents you from keeping a scheduled date, but there’s absolutely no excuse for not taking the time to call or text a woman to cancel a date. The next time a man tells you he was too busy to call you or too busy to cancel your plans, just accept the fact that he’s just not that into you.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credits: Images courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Would you go Dutch on a First Date?

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Different women have different sentiments about going dutch on a first date. While some women don’t believe that they should have to split the bill, others have no problem doing it. So, I thought I’d create a survey to see how many of my readers are willing to go half on a first date. Submit your answer to the survey and you’ll be able to see what percentage of women answered yes or no. Also, feel free to leave a comment below with your thoughts!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

An Online Dating Profile Mistake That Could Cost You a Date

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Online dating certainly doesn’t have the stigma that it used to and millions of people are taking advantage of this simple way of meeting new people. The problem is, when you first join a dating site you are usually bombarded with dozens of messages and this makes it seems like there is an endless amount of potential dates to choose from. Consequently, you may develop a false sense of security in these seemingly endless options and begin making snap judgments or being overly critical of other people on the site.

What’s in Your Profile?

While it isn’t right to make snap judgments about people on a dating site, you have to understand that this is exactly what is happening. Therefore, it’s imperative that your online dating profile portrays you in the best possible light. However, what some people choose to write on their profiles makes it much easier for them to be written off by other people.

Although there are numerous kinds of dating profile mistakes that can cost you a date, one common profile mistake that I see with both men and women is their complaining about their online dating experiences. You have to remember that your online dating profile is supposed to be a short summary about who you are, what you’re looking for, and what you enjoy doing.  It should never mention any of your dating problems.

Save The Venting For Your Friends

Your profile is not a place for you to vent and complain about the horrible people you’ve encountered, the terrible propositions you received, the people that have tried to use you for money, the fact that not everyone on the site is actually single, or any other dating issue.

Take for example the man who says, “I refuse to pay for sex and attention.” This is really just a response to the plethora of women that have tried to proposition this man for money, but the manner that he chose to vent about this problem is innappropriate. And, how many women will take this statement the wrong way and not understand where it is truly coming from?

Unfortunately, many people use online dating like a picture book and don’t take the time to read a person’s profile. So, for the people that actually do take the time to read your profile, don’t you think they deserve to read a profile that isn’t filled with anger, resentment, disgust, or frustration over your dating experiences? Shouldn’t the people reading your profile have an opportunity to learn about you without having to learn about your hardships in dating?

Keep it Light

The overall tone of your dating profile needs to be light and positive, but when you talk about bad dating experiences or bash the people you’ve talked to, you quickly give off a negative or angry vibe. Even worse, you could give someone the wrong impression about who you really are. If you don’t want to leave a bad taste in a potential date’s mouth, don’t vent about your dating frustrations in your profile. The last thing you want is for someone to write you off before even getting to know you.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Should You Have A First Date On Valentine’s Day?

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Valentine’s Day is the most romantic day of the year and while this is great for couples, it’s not so great if you just met your date. If you go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day, you can expect restaurants to have a more intimate feel, you’ll be surrounded by couples showing a lot of affection, and you may be bombarded by people selling flowers, chocolate, and teddy bears.

The romantic pressure that comes with Valentine’s Day and seeing many other couples smooching, exchanging gifts, and holding hands could make the date feel very uncomfortable or awkward. Or, the romantic ambience might even make you want to act more lovey-dovey with your date than you should. 

On top of this, your server will most likely assume that you and your date are in a serious relationship and ask you questions or make comments that could make you both feel uncomfortable like, “How long have you been together?” “You guys look like such a happy couple!” “I love how you two are keeping your relationship spicy by celebrating Valentine’s.” “It must have been impossible for you guys to get a sitter tonight.”

When you are on your first few dates, you shouldn’t have to explain to anyone that you are not in a relationship or that you just started dating. But, this is often what happens when you have a date on Valentine’s and it’s the early stage of dating. Even if you have been on a couple of dates, going out on Valentine’s could add a little too much intensity to your budding romance.

First dates can be nerve-wrecking enough without the added pressure of being on Valentine’s Day. They should be fun and easy breezy, not jam-packed with tension from the extreme romance surrounding the date. So, you should definitely avoid having your first few dates on this one day of the year, but if for some reason you really can’t get around scheduling a Valentine’s Day date, try to do a fun activity that won’t incorporate the romance of Valentine’s Day.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of OZphotography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Online Dating Isn’t Easy For Men

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While some people may think that men have it easy when it comes to online dating, they don’t have it as easy as you think. Yes, there are numerous vulnerable women looking for long-term relationships online, but there are also women out there that don’t have the best intentions.

When I spoke to a few men that had been online dating for several months, they all had similar complaints about the types of women they were meeting online. All of the men encountered women that were only looking for “friends” and each of them had stories about the explicit messages they received.

Some of the guys also said that there were women online that weren’t even single. These women either wanted companionship when their boyfriends weren’t around or they simply wanted an online “chat buddy.” Worst of all, three men said they encountered prostitutes. Specifically, one woman’s message read, “Hey handsome, p2p?” When I asked what “p2p” meant, I was told it meant “pay to play.” 

So, if you think men have it easy with online dating, think again. Online dating isn’t easy for anyone, there’s going to be a lot of garbage to sift through on these dating sites. But, you shouldn’t let it discourage you from continuing to see if you might meet your Mr. or Mrs. Right online.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Naypong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3 Ways Your Smartphone Is Hurting The Quality of Your Relationships

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Smartphones and tablets have made it easier than ever to stay connected with the world at all times. But, at what cost? We get so used to checking our emails, texts, social media, and websites that we often don’t recognize the negative impact is has on our relationships.

Self-awareness of our behavior and how it impacts our relationships is an important step in the process of improving the quality of our relationships. So, here are 3 ways your smartphone is hurting the quality of your relationships:

1. You’re Not Engaged

When you’re constantly doing things on your phone, you aren’t staying in the moment. While you may feel present in a conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend when you’re responding to texts, the reality is, you’re not.

You can’t truly be engaged with someone when part of your attention is focused on your phone. When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to get carried away on your phone and not really enjoy the time you are spending with your partner. What could be an intimate or engaging evening turns out to be stale, boring, and mostly silent.

2. Your Sweetheart Feels Ignored

The attention your smartphone gets deprives your loved ones of the attention and affection they deserve. If you think being preoccupied with your phone goes unnoticed, even if it’s just while watching a movie, you’re sadly mistaken. Your boyfriend or girlfriend can definitely tell when you’re not in the moment. You’re physically there, but you’re not mentally there.

The person you’re dating shouldn’t feel like he or she has to compete with your smartphone for attention. You also don’t want your sweetie to feel like you aren’t interested in what he or she is saying because you’re half-heartedly engaged in conversations, only making one or two comments here and there.

No one likes feeling ignored or unimportant, but this is what happens when you focus on your phone more than what a person is saying.

3. It Decreases The Intimacy

Being more in tune with your phone than your sweetheart can take a toll on your relationship. You should be maximizing the time you spend with your honey and you do this by giving your undivided attention. Staying in the moment will allow you to increase the intimacy and connection between you two.

Don’t let texts, emails, social media, or candy crush get in the way of what you’re building. Unless there’s an emergency or an important business deal on the table, everything else can wait.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net