Is A Facebook Friendship An Indicator of A Budding Relationship?

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For some women, a Facebook friendship with the guys they’re dating is validation of a potential budding relationship. Although a Facebook friendship doesn’t mean you’re officially in an exclusive relationship, sometimes a lot of emphasis is put on a mans acceptance of a friend request. But, is a Facebook friendship really an indicator of a man’s interest in you or a budding relationship? Well, it depends, but not really.

The Facebook Friendship

Just because your friendship request is accepted doesn’t mean a guy really likes you or is open to a relationship with you. Some men have no problem being Facebook friends with women they have no intentions of dating seriously or even seeing again. So, just because the man you’re dating accepts your Facebook friend request doesn’t mean there is a budding relationship on the horizon.

However, if you have been dating a guy for a few weeks and he won’t accept your friend request this is a huge red flag! In this case, it’s guaranteed that you have no future with this man. If your friend request is rejected then it means there’s no real interest there and the guy is not that into you. Or, he may just want to continue dating other women.

The truth is, if a man genuinely likes you and is interested in the potential of an exclusive relationship with you, he will gladly accept your friend request. It’s as simple as that! A man who isn’t taking you seriously or doesn’t see any kind of future with you, most likely won’t want to have a social media friendship with you either.

Is It Too Soon For A Facebook Friendship?

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be Facebook friends with your new love interest, if you try to be Facebook friends too soon, you may send the wrong message. A man might think you’re a stalker, needy, or desperate if you’re Facebook friending him before you’ve even gone out on the first date or right after the first date. Wait until you have been dating for several weeks before sending a friend request to the guy you’re dating.

You should really take your time and get to know a man before you invite him into your social media life. This will also allow you to reduce the amount of senseless Facebook friendships you have with men you’ve only dated a couple of times.

All in all, you need to be cautious about placing too much emphasis on a Facebook friendship while also being able to acknowledge the implications of a rejected friend request. If he won’t be your Facebook friend, don’t fret just move on!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Is Your Selfie Obsession Limiting The Intimacy in Your Relationship?

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If you’re constantly taking selfies of you and your boyfriend when you’re doing things together, you can easily take away the deeper level of intimacy that you could be sharing in that moment. Instead of gazing into each other’s eyes and enjoying the moment to cultivate and maintain that spark, passion, and closeness during a beautiful meal, for example, you’re taking pictures of your food and posting it on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

You want to maintain that great connection, passion, and intimacy in your relationship and you promote these things when you take advantage of every beautiful opportunity to simply enjoy each other. When you’re snapping all those pictures and posting them on social media, what is your man doing during this time? He has to just sit or stand there and wait for you to engage with him again. It’s not fair to him and it’s really not fair to yourself.

Why should you deprive your honey and the relationship of the full attention that it deserves? All to portray some image or lifestyle to your Facebook friends?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with capturing life’s beautiful moments, but it needs to be within reason. You don’t need to capture every last second of what you are doing with your boyfriend. And, you definitely don’t need to over do it by taking a bunch of pictures just to get that perfect shot to rub in everyone’s face on Facebook. 

Start taking advantage of the beautiful moments you get with your boyfriend instead of killing them with selfies!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s A New Year And A New You!

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It’s a brand new year and with that comes brand new opportunities. Opportunities for you to meet new people, change, grow, and date smarter! This year you should commit yourself to trying new things, going out more, enjoying your life, and having more fun! Try out some singles mixers, find a new hobby or re-dedicate yourself to an old hobby you liked.

But before you start enacting all these new year resolutions, the most important thing you need to do is reflect back on last year. This way, you can learn from your pitfalls and experiences and truly embrace becoming a better you. How were your relationships last year? What was your dating life like? Think about the ways you can improve yourself and your interactions with friends, family, and the new men that you meet.

There is a lot in store for you this year, but you hold the key to unlocking it! So, what kinds of changes do you want to make this year? Let me know by leaving a comment below!

For life-changing dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

After Two Years of Great Dating Advice…

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The month of December makes two years since I started Dee’s Dating Diary. It has been an amazing journey and I am truly touched by all the people who have been reading, liking, and commenting on my blog.

From the personal dating and relationship stories you have shared with me to the support you have shown for Dee’s Dating Diary, I am honored to be a person you feel comfortable opening up to as well as a person whose advice you trust. 

After two years of bringing you valuable dating and relationship advice each and every Saturday, Dee’s Dating Diary is going on vacation! While I won’t be posting any new articles to my website until Saturday, January 9, 2016, you can still get great dating advice everyday if you follow me on Twitter and Facebook!

Follow me on Twitter here: Dee’s Dating Diary on Twitter

Follow me on Facebook here: Dee’s Dating Diary Facebook Page

Stay informed with the dating and relationship articles I’ll share on my social media and I’ll see you in the new year!

Till Next Time,

Dee

If You Just Started Dating, Is It Too Soon To Exchange Holiday Gifts?

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If you are a new couple or you have only been dating for a short amount of time, you may be wondering what to get your honey for the holidays. Or, you may be wondering if it is too soon to exchange gifts at all.

If you have been dating for about one month, go with something small, maybe a cute holiday teddy bear. Just keep it simple, it’s the thought that counts. But, if you have only been dating for three weeks or less, don’t worry about exchanging gifts.

After a few months of dating, you will definitely need to get your honey a holiday gift! It shouldn’t  be a tiny teddy bear, but it also shouldn’t be extravagant. Don’t over do it, but don’t make it look like your gift was an afterthought.

With it being the holiday season, now is the perfect time to perk your ears up for things your honey says he/she wants. If those things are too expensive to gift this early into the relationship, think of a hobby your partner enjoys and get them a gift that supports it.

If you are buying a gift for a woman, think romance, not practical! If you are buying a gift for a man, give yourself a small, but reasonable budget and stick with it!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,  

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of digidreamgrafix at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Does The Man You’re Dating Only See You As An Option?

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“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” ~ Maya Angelou

This is one of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes. It’s profound and offers timeless wisdom! While this quote does apply to life generally and our friendships, it definitely applies to dating as well. You should never prioritize a man who doesn’t feel strongly enough about you to do the same.

The kind of man you really want to date is eager to see you. He would rather go out with you than “the boys.” You never want to be an afterthought in a man’s mind. Of course, spontaneity is welcome after you’ve been on some dates, but if you just met a man and he only contacts you a few hours or an hour before he wants to see you, then you are definitely just an option!

How many of you have been guilty of canceling plans with your girlfriends because a guy asked you out at the last-minute? And, how did that work out for you? Are you still dating that guy?

The truth is, you should never cancels plans with your friends to prioritize any man. If you don’t think he will ask you out again if you turn down his last-minute date, then this isn’t a man you should waste any time trying to date. 

When a man takes the time to ask you out in advance, it shows you that he is actually thinking about you and you definitely want to be on a man’s mind! For more great reasons why you shouldn’t accept last-minute dates from men, check out my article No More Last Minute Dates!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Fighting With Your Boyfriend About Where To Spend The Holidays?

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The holiday season is such a joyous time. From the beautiful holiday decorations to the quality time you get to spend with your loved ones, the holidays is a time for love not war. But, when you disagree with your boyfriend about where to spend the holidays, it could cause more stress than happiness. 

So, if you want to avoid fighting  about where to spend the holidays, check out my article Where To Spend The Holidays When You’re In A Relationship.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Gualberto107 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

18 Types of Men to Avoid When You’re Online Dating

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Although online dating has made it much easier to connect with hundreds and thousands of people, you still need to be scrutinizing and use your best judgment when deciding who to talk to from an online dating website or online dating app. So, here are 18 types of men you should avoid when you’re online dating:

1. Mr. Scammer

Mr. Scammer is the man who asks you for money or favors.  I don’t care if you’ve been talking to a man for two weeks or two months, NEVER give money to anyone you are talking to from an online dating site or online dating app. In fact, as soon as someone asks you for money, you need to stop talking them immediately.

There’s a lot of scammers using online dating to pray on women who are looking for love or attention. These scammers will say anything to get you to trust them or fall for them so they can manipulate you into giving up your hard earned money.

One woman was asked for money to help a man attend his “uncle’s funeral” that was in a different state. Another woman was asked to send a man thousands of dollars to help him move to the US so they could be together. After selling her house and sending the man thousands of dollars, she realized she had been scammed when the man never came to the US.

Some situations are more extreme than others, but the lesson here is that a person who is truly looking for love should never be looking in your wallet!!

 2. Mr. Some College

When you see a man put “some college” on the education section of his profile, majority of the time, it means no college at all. Some men know that there are women who will not talk to them if they only have a high school education. So, instead of going with the full-blown lie of having a college degree, which they can’t pull off, they claim “some college” to gain points with you.

A friendly and non-confrontational way to see if a guy actually had some college is to ask him what he majored in or some other school-related question. If he says he “majored in everything” or gives you some other answer you know can’t be right, put that fish back in the water!

3.  Mr. Bad Grammar

You can usually spot Mr. Some College by his terrible grammar, bad sentence structure, and lack of using periods. For example, “Hi sexi u beautiful u wana talk are meet up I hafta get to no u and sho u a gud time wit me.” Delete this message and never look back!

If a man can barely spell and put together sentence, he’s not right for you. I know this because you’re reading my blog. And, if you’re reading this you are far too intelligent to date a man who can hardly spell or write!

4. Mr. Superficial

Mr. Superficial will immediately ask to see more pictures of you before he even knows your name. If a man asks you to send him more pictures of you before taking the time to ask you about yourself and get to know you, move on! He’s obviously not trying to get to know you so if you’re interested in having a long-term relationship, Mr. Superficial is not the way to go!

5. Mr. Nothing Serious

Mr. Nothing Serious is the guy who puts “I’m not looking for anything serious” on his profile. This means that this guy is not interested in having a long-term relationship. He wants to have fun and casually date, nothing more.

No matter what Mr. Nothing Serious tells you in his messages or on the phone, he doesn’t want a relationship, period. When a man is upfront and honest about what he wants, believe it! You are not going to change his mind so don’t waste your time trying!

6. Mr. Me

Mr. Me never asks you questions about yourself. Mr. Me is completely selfish and isn’t genuinely trying to learn about your common interests. Whether you’re having online conversations or talking on the phone, if a man isn’t asking you questions about yourself so he can get to know you better, that should be a red flag to you.

If a man is messaging you and the conversation only revolves around him, he’s not interested in getting to know you at all.

7. Mr. Lay It All On The Table

Mr. Lay It All On The Table serves himself to you on a silver platter. If a man tries to tell you everything about himself as soon as you start talking, you have to be weary about this for two reasons. First, he could be trying to portray himself as someone different from who he really is. He may say he is sensitive, caring, patient, loyal, successful, well-off, etc., but you don’t know if that’s really true. And, some men are willing to sell women whatever type of dream they need to in order to get what they want. So, you have to take this kind of “upfront honesty” with a grain of salt.

Second, this guy may be trying to circumvent the real “get to know you” process so he can get you to feel like you know a lot about him, thus making you feel closer to him early on and that much closer to letting him get you in bed. Just be careful with Mr. Lay It All On The Table.

8. Mr. Nice Jerk

Mr. Nice Jerk gives you back-handed compliments. Back-handed compliments are basically insults that are given in the form of what seems to be a compliment. For example, “you’re beautiful, you must be crazy if you have to use online dating.” You should never entertain or date a man who claims you must have certain negative qualities without even getting to know you!

You deserve to be talked to with respect and any man who makes back-handed compliments is not worthy of your time. While some men don’t intentionally mean to hurt your feelings, if a man thinks in a way that he can only give you back-handed compliments, this isn’t the type of man that you would be happy dating.

9. Mr. I Work

You should always avoid the men who don’t put down a real profession in the job section of their profile. For example, “Getting money,” “I work,” “Hustler,” “Pirate,” “Music,” etc. are ridiculous job titles yet these are real responses that men have put on their profiles. When the pirate was asked about his job, he responded, “are you ready to walk the plank?”

Mr. I Work is not only full of himself, but he’s also full of crap. The evasiveness of getting around the job question with off the wall responses screams jobless, drug dealer, or weirdo. Whichever it is, this is a definitely a guy you should avoid dating.

10. Mr. Impatient

Mr. Impatient gets angry or annoyed when you don’t respond to his messages within minutes. For example, one man sent a woman this message after not getting a response within 15 minutes, “Why can’t women hold a conversation with a man? Geez!” This screams problems on so many levels.

This guy is obviously not only having problems with his online dating endeavors, but he could also be needy, jealous, controlling, and so many other things you wouldn’t want to deal with.

11. Mr. Sexter

Mr. Sexter loves to send women naked pictures of himself. Trust me, Mr. Sexter is only looking for sex. It doesn’t matter how much you have connected or vibed on the phone together, if he’s showing you his package, it’s for one reason. And, if you’re not interested in just having a casual sexual relationship with this person, then you shouldn’t be interested in continuing to talk to him. 

12. Mr. Playboy

Mr. Playboy will have pictures of himself with other women on his online dating profile. When a man has pictures of himself surrounded by other women, beware! Most likely, he isn’t looking for anything serious. And, if he tells you the woman or women in his pictures are related to him, know that there’s a good chance he’s lying.

13. Mr. Mystery

Mr. Mystery has no pictures of himself on his profile or his face is barely visible in the pictures that are up. If a man is withholding pictures or hiding his face with glasses, hats, and or blurry pictures, you should definitely pass on this one.

When a man  intentionally keeps you from seeing his face you have to wonder, what is he hiding? Maybe he’s in a relationship or married and doesn’t want to get caught or maybe it’s something else altogether. But, do you really want to stick around to find out? Probably not.

14. Mr. Blah Blah Blah

Mr. Blah Blah Blah’s about me section of his online dating profile looks like this, “blah blah blah lokdjflj dsflkajsdlk jadfalk sdjflsdh vjdhoah.” Don’t waste your time with this one. 

15. Mr. Animal House

Mr. Animal House has profile pictures that make it look like he’s still in college living the party life. One picture of a man having drinks with friends is okay, but more than one is a red flag. If you want to date a mature man who no longer feels the need to party every night or weekend, you’ll definitely want to avoid Mr. Animal House.

16. Mr. Still Attached

Mr. Still Attached lives with his ex-girlfriend or the mother of his children. Enough said! Don’t waste your time!

17. Mr. Unoriginal

Mr. Unoriginal is the man who sends you what seems to be a nice thoughtful first message, but really, it’s just a copy and paste. This man wants to plants as many seeds as possible with women, but he’s lazy so he doesn’t want to take the time to read your profile and send you a message catered specifically to you.

Mr. Unoriginal doesn’t care that he told you he loves your smile when you were barely smiling in your profile pictures. 

18. Mr. Rusher

Mr. Rusher wants to meet you tonight!! It doesn’t matter that he just contacted you for the first time 15 minutes ago. This is definitely a bad idea. Most likely, this guy is looking for something quick and casual. If he was really looking for something serious, he would take the time to have a few conversations with you before trying to see you.

There’s a lot of garbage on online dating websites and online dating apps and it’s up to you to weed out the wrong men. Don’t let your desperation of wanting a date or a boyfriend make you overlook important red flags. You’ll only regret it in the long-run.

For safe online dating tips, read my article 10 Tips For Safe Online Dating. 

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credits: Images courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

9 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date Extremely Jealous Men

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Jealousy has nothing to do with how strongly a man feels about you, but women often mistake a man’s jealousy for love or a high level of interest. There are different levels of jealousy, but if you date a man who is extremely jealous, you’re setting yourself up for an unhealthy relationship because real happiness and love just isn’t possible. So, here are 9 reasons why you should avoid dating extremely jealous men:

1. You’re Always On Trial

When your boyfriend is extremely jealous, you have to deal with regular accusations of cheating. You’re always standing trial and being persecuted for innocent behavior. Maybe a male coworker gave you a ride home from work or maybe you went out with girlfriends and came home an hour later than you said you would. No matter what the innocent behavior is, having your life under your boyfriend’s microscope isn’t easy!

2. You Always Have To Prove Yourself

When you’re always on trial, what do you have to do? Prove your innocence! And you better make a good case! When an extremely jealous boyfriend accuses you of cheating, you have to prove your fidelity and love. You have to convince him that you would never disrespect your relationship. But, truthfully, there’s no amount of convincing that you can do to make a jealous man trust you.

Good relationships take enough work to maintain and having to constantly prove that you’re not cheating and you do love your boyfriend is stressful and draining, to say the least.

3. The Relationship May Take a Turn For The Worst

Extreme jealousy could be a sign that your relationship may turn into an abusive one. Abusive men are usually extremely jealous and frequently perceive innocent behavior as evidence of or acts of infidelity. And, these misperceptions are often used as excuses for abuse.

4. Snooping Is Probably On The Horizon

Extreme jealousy can cause other unhealthy behaviors like snooping and even stalking. And, it’s actually very painful and hurtful to know that your boyfriend distrusts you enough to snoop or follow you to places.

 5. He May Never Trust You 

If your boyfriend is extremely jealous, there’s really no trust in your relationship. One of the fundamental elements of a great, loving relationship is trust. If your boyfriend can’t trust you from the moment you start dating, what would ever truly get him to trust you? Besides working on his emotional issues, there’s absolutely nothing you can do or not do that will build your boyfriend’s trust in you.

6. His Jealously May Erode Your Trust

Your boyfriend may never trust you and his jealousy may erode your own trust in him. It’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t trust you. If you can maintain your trust in the relationship, his lack of trust will surely make you sad.

7. His Distrust May Be A Result Of His Own Actions

Extreme jealousy may be a symptom of your boyfriend’s infidelity in the relationship. Guilty minds blame others. If your boyfriend has not been faithful in the relationship, his guilt may lead him to accusing you of cheating as well.

8. Extreme Jealousy Is A Sign Of A Much Bigger Problem

Extreme jealousy comes from a place of insecurity, not love! Insecurity is deep-rooted and goes far beyond a current relationship. A man whose insecurity leads to jealousy may feel like he’s not handsome enough, muscular enough, or intelligent enough. These aren’t things that you can fix for your boyfriend. Self-confidence starts and ends with yourself. So, unless your boyfriend makes an effort to resolve his insecurity issues on his own, they’ll continue to plague your relationship.

It’s difficult to date someone who is very insecure because they need constant reassurance. You will be expected to make them feel secure. But, if you’re not doing anything wrong, how can you make your boyfriend feel secure in the relationship? Just know that you won’t be able to solve your boyfriend’s insecurity for him.

9. He May Become Controlling

Extreme jealousy due to insecurity could also manifest itself as a controlling nature. An extremely insecure and jealous boyfriend will want to know what you’re doing and who you’re with at all times. He also may try to control or limit your interactions with friends and family altogether.

Obviously, if you’re actually cheating on your boyfriend, then jealousy and insecurity is reasonable and expected. But, if you’re not cheating on your boyfriend and he regularly exhibits jealous behavior, you need to have a conversation about where the jealousy is coming from and how he can resolve those issues so the two of you can have a happy relationship. If he still continues with his jealous antics, it’s time to run for the hills!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

40 Reasons Why Women Stay In Abusive Relationships

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The month of October is domestic violence awareness month so I wanted to share some of the things that make women stay in abusive relationships. While some women do know why they have difficulty leaving an abusive boyfriend, some women don’t understand what factors make them stay.

I do think it’s important to know the root causes of your inability to end abusive relationships. In identifying this, you may also be identifying an aspect of yourself that you can work on. For example, if you stay in an abusive relationship because your boyfriend has convinced you that no other man will love you, then working on your self-esteem/self-confidence is important. No woman deserves to be abused and we all deserve so much better!

40 Reasons Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships:

  1. You’re afraid of being alone or single
  2. You’re afraid that no other man will want you
  3. Low self-esteem or you feel inadequate
  4. His job – he’s a cop, politician, or public figure
  5. You think that no one will believe you
  6. Maintaining public images or reputations
  7. The honeymoon phase after physical abuse
  8. You believe his promises
  9. You love him
  10. You think he will change
  11. Your parent’s abusive relationship made this behavior normal
  12. You feel guilty because of how much he has helped you
  13. You’re financially dependent on him
  14. Your history with him
  15. He displays a nice side that you love
  16. He can be very kind and affectionate when he wants to be
  17. You have no support system
  18. You have no means to leave
  19. He manipulates you
  20. He makes you feel like all the relationship problems are your fault
  21. He makes you feel like you deserve the abuse
  22. You have no where else to live
  23. He threatens to commit suicide
  24. Fear – fear of harassment, physical harm, or death
  25. You don’t want to divide your family and take the children away from their father
  26. You’re afraid you would lose your children to him
  27. You don’t want to be a single mother
  28. You’re afraid of going through a break up
  29. You don’t know how to leave the relationship
  30. He has trained you to think that abuse is okay
  31. You don’t realize that you’re being abused
  32. Religious beliefs
  33. Fear of losing everything you have – home, car, belongings
  34. His intimidation, power, and control over you
  35. He apologizes profusely
  36. You don’t want to get divorced and have a failed marriage
  37. You think the abuse will end when he is not stressed
  38. His threats to harm you
  39. You blame yourself for the abuse and think that you deserve it
  40. Pressure from others to make the relationship work

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. They’re available 24/7 and it’s completely confidential.

Till Next Time,

Dee

For great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Do You Only Get One Soulmate?

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At some point in your life, you’ve probably heard a woman say that she’s met “the one” or her boyfriend is her soulmate, but do you only get one soulmate in your lifetime?

With roughly 7 billion people in the world, the idea of only having one soulmate is truly outdated, especially when you consider the fact that the internet and technology has brought the world so much closer together. Today, there’s more opportunities than ever to meet new people. 

After going on countless unsuccessful dates, you may start wondering whether you overlooked or wrote off your soulmate in the past. And, being single for an extended period of time can make you question whether you made the wrong choice in ending certain relationships. Then, you might think you should double back to one of your exes because maybe, just maybe, he was actually “the one.”

But, if your long-term single status is the reason why you start to consider re-dating ex-boyfriends, your energy would be better spent meeting new people. 

When the “pickings are slim,” you can’t start convincing yourself that you already dated your soulmate and there’s no one else out there for you. You may not have a ton of great, compatible men lined up for dates, but you don’t need several great matches banging your door down. You just need one. After all, you can only marry one person.

If you’re interested in finding out how to leave a relationship so that you can live a regret-free dating life, check out my post No More Boomeranging. 

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Having A Boyfriend or Husband Won’t Bring You Happiness

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The pursuit of happiness… It’s something that everyone wants, but not everyone gets. But, what exactly is happiness? Is happiness for you the same as happiness for me? The truth is, happiness is subjective and only you can define it for yourself.

If you ask women what will make them happy, many will tell you “a boyfriend” “a husband” or “kids.” But, the reality is, having a boyfriend, a husband, or children will not make you happy.

You have to find a way to be happy with yourself first and foremost. If you can’t be happy as a single woman, there’s no way another human being can change that! A person cannot create happiness for you and having a person to call your boyfriend won’t accomplish this either. You have to look to yourself.

There is an upside here though. Happiness attracts more happiness. Have you heard the saying, “positivity attracts positivity?” When you’re positive, you will bring more positivity and positive people into your life. However, when you’re negative, you’ll attract more negativity and even negative people into your life. Well, it’s the same concept with happiness.

Remember, people can sense happiness, but they can also sense sadness, insecurity, and low self-confidence. If you’re unhappy in your life, you’re going to attract other unhappy people. And, when you’re truly happy, you’ll find that other positive things will follow from that.

I can say pretty confidently that the type of man you probably want to date wouldn’t want to date an unhappy woman. So, in finding your true happiness, you’ll really be in the best position to attract the type of man you actually want. Do the digging, do the soul-searching, do whatever needs to be done to find your happiness.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo credit: Image courtesy of Nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

10 Factors That Affect How Long It Takes To Get Over A Relationship

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We all know that break ups aren’t easy. But, how long should it take you to get over your boyfriend or girlfriend? Traditionally, people have said that it takes you half of the amount of time you were in the relationship to get over it. For example, if you were dating a man for one year, it could take you up to six months to get over him.

While this “healing timeline” has frequently been proven to be true, there are different factors that could decrease or increase the length of time it will take you to get over a boyfriend. Here are 10 factors that can increase the time it takes you to get over a relationship:

1. You Live Together 

If you live with your boyfriend, but neither of you can immediately move out, this will definitely lengthen the amount of time it will take to get over the relationship.

2. You’re Still Connected On Facebook or Other Social Media

It might make you feel a little better if you saw your ex-boyfriend posting depressing status updates on Facebook, but that usually never happens! Most people will only post positive and happy things about themselves on Facebook.

So, when you see your boyfriend living this uber happy life after your break up, this may add insult to injury and slow you down on the road to break up recovery.

3. You Share A Car 

If you share a car with your partner, the stress of being without a car could prolong the healing process. If your ex isn’t willing to help you out a little while you make arrangements to get another car this could especially add feelings of bitterness to the emotions you’re already dealing with. 

4. You Share A Pet

If you co-own a pet and are on the losing end when the relationship ends, the loss of your pet could also affect your ability to quickly heal from the break up.

5. Your Families Are Friends

If your family is friends with your ex’s family, this could definitely make getting over your ex very difficult. From the run-ins at get togethers or holiday events to the questions each side of the family may ask, this inability to fully separate can impede your progress.

6. You’re Close With His Mother

If you have a close relationship with your boyfriend’s mother, getting over your boyfriend will be extremely difficult if you don’t break up with his mother too.

7. You Try To “Be Friends” Immediately After The Break Up

Trying to be friends with an ex usually doesn’t work, but it especially won’t work if you try to make the friendship happen immediately after the break up. Your new “friendship” may be more like a crutch and will just keep you from what inevitably needs to happen: you getting over the relationship.

8. You Hang Out With Your Ex’s Friends

During the course of your relationship, you probably became pretty cool with some of your boyfriend’s friends. But, trying to hang out and stay friends with them will only hold you back.

9. You Watch Sad or Romantic Movies

Watching sad or romantic movies will not help you get over your ex. In fact, you may wallow in your sadness even more. Hold off on the tear-jerkers and unrealistic romantic movies until you’re in a better mental place.

10. You Work With Your Ex

It’s hard enough to deal with a break up, but now you have to go to work everyday with your ex? This is definitely a toughie! Working with your ex will be a constant reminder of the relationship. It’s unavoidable, but mental preparation may ease some of the discomfort. 

You’re never going to get over an ex overnight, but you can reduce the amount of factors that will prolong your recuperation from the break up. 

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

I created the poll below to survey my readers on how long it takes you to get over a one-year relationship. Choose your answer and click vote. It’s easy and anonymous! You can see the poll results once you submit your answer.

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Tuelekza at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5 Things You Should Do When You Start A New Relationship

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While a new relationship can be very exciting, there is some housekeeping that you need to make sure is taken care of. So, remember these 5 things you should do after you start a new relationship:

 1. Delete Online Dating Profiles

When you start a new relationship, you stop going on your online dating websites, but do you delete your online dating profile and account? What if your new boyfriend or someone who knows you and your boyfriend sees your profile and wrongly assumes that you are still active on the dating site?

You can definitely give the wrong impression by keeping an online dating profile while you’re in a relationship. It’s not enough to just stop going on a dating site, show your relationship the respect it deserves and delete your online dating profiles!

2. Delete Unnecessary Phone Numbers

Once you’ve started your blissful new relationship, it’s important that you delete your ex’s phone number and your hook up buddy’s phone number. You’re in a new relationship now so you don’t need these numbers anymore, let them go!

3. Delete Unnecessary Social Media “Friends”

Just like you need to get rid of the phone numbers you should no longer have, you also need to unfriend, unfollow, and disconnect with your exes and hook up buddies on all your social media. This includes every ex and any other guy you know you shouldn’t be talking to!

If you respect your relationship and genuinely want to have a future with the man you’re dating, then separate yourself from your exes and hook up buddies on Facebook and all your other social media.

4. Tell Your Friends & Family

Share the great news of your new relationship with your family and friends. The people closest to you shouldn’t have to learn about your new relationship months down the line or find out through Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

You especially need to tell your friends you’re in a new relationship if they’re known for trying to set you up on dates. You don’t want your friends disrespecting your new boyfriend by trying to set you up with someone else.

So, don’t just run off into the night with your new relationship, show your family and friends that you still care by keeping them in the loop!

5. Say Goodbye

Once you start a new relationship, it’s time to say goodbye to your bad single girl habits. For example, it’s no longer okay for you to spend every weekend at “the club.” Of course, you can still go out to a club every once in a while with your friends, but you can’t make a habit of this.

Don’t let the excitement of your new relationship keep you from “cleaning house.” It would be a shame if one of these 5 things created an unnecessary problem with your new boyfriend. 

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3 Reasons You Shouldn’t Ask A Date Questions About His Character

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When you first start dating a man, you want to get to know as much about your date as possible. Instead of letting a man show you who he is, you try to get him to tell you. You might ask him questions about his character or how he treated his last girlfriend to get a better idea of what a relationship with him would look like.

But, doing this is actually more problematic than you probably think. So, here are 3 reasons why you shouldn’t ask the men you’re dating questions about their character:

1. Men Can Lie

In a perfect world, all men would tell the truth when they are asked questions about themselves, but we don’t live in a perfect world. So, it’s really important not to focus heavily on questioning your date about his personality, morals, character, and so forth.

When you pay attention to your date’s behavior and keep your eyes open for red flags, these questions will be answered for you. Which brings me to my next point…

2. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

We’ve all heard this saying, it’s nothing new, but actions really do speak louder than words! If you ask your dates about themselves, they could easily just tell you what you want to hear. Don’t get caught up putting a man through investigative questioning because his behavior will tell you everything in the end. 

Remember, a man can show you who he is much better than he could ever tell you!

3. You May Blindly Rely On His Answers 

When you focus your energy on questioning a man about his character, it’s really easy to have a false sense of confidence in his answers. Naturally, we want to believe what the man we’re dating says. So, instead of paying attention to his actions, we rely on his word and turn a blind eye to all the red flags that show us he’s someone else.

The truth is, when we wrongly rely on what a man tells us about himself, we only hurt ourselves in the long run through our blind trust and belief. 

The next time you’re dating a man, let him show you who he is instead of tell you who he is. Start identifying and learning about the different red flags you should be paying attention to. This way, you won’t feel the need to question your dates since you’ll be able to rely on your knowledge and understanding of men’s behavior!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Learn More About Red Flags:

5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

No More Last Minute Dates!

You shouldn’t have to tell him to call you

Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy

Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

*Photo Credit: Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

10 Signs A Guy Is Really Into You

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Dee Simone Cartoon

It’s not always easy to tell if the guy you’re dating is really interested in you. And often times, we tend to focus on the wrong things in determining a man’s level of interest. For example, you might focus on the fact that a man says he’s interested in you even though his actions scream he’s not interested at all.

So, get some clarity on what interest really looks like and check out my article 10 Signs A Guy Is Really Into You. I am honored to have written this article for Claudia Cox of Text Weapon and I’m sure you’ll enjoy this read!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Are You Too Busy or Too Available For Online Dating?

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Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

I work a challenging schedule right now because I work overnight most nights at a hotel, and I just started online dating again. I’m a pretty experienced online dater but it seems no matter what I do, if I’m too busy in the beginning the guy gets turned off right away, and when I’m too available that makes them stray away just as fast too. Any advice? 

Dear Dater,

Being too busy or too unavailable can lead to a man losing interest, especially if you haven’t already established a good connection. And, you’re right, if you are too available you can run a man off just as fast. 

I understand being busy, but if you’re really interested in meeting a good man and having a great relationship, you have to open up time in your schedule for this. It’s easy to get bogged down in your job and forget your personal needs, which is why you have to try even harder to carve out time to relax, pamper yourself, and meet men.

It’s also easy to end up on the extreme end of the spectrum where you’re spending entirely too much time trying to get a man and have a relationship. The truth is, you really have to learn how to balance your availability and it’s not necessarily going to be easy at first.

Online dating is definitely ideal for a busy person because it exposes you to a large amount of potential dates in your area without having to leave your house. But, the ease of finding men to talk to can also be addictive. So, how much time do you need to make for online dating?

If you currently aren’t having any ongoing conversations, you can check your inbox every other day. If you are actively having a conversation with a user, you should check your inbox once or twice a day. BUT, don’t get in the habit of being on your online dating website all day. If the site you’re using shows men when you’re online, you could give men the impression that you’re desperate which will quickly run them off.

Once you’re hitting it off with guys from your dating site and you’ve exchanged numbers, set aside 1 or 2 nights a week you can devote to meeting your date (Check out my post 10 Tips For Safe Online Dating). Now, this doesn’t mean don’t make plans to do anything else for 2 nights a week and this also doesn’t mean sit around waiting for your potential online date to call you and ask you out. I’m saying, create the flexibility in your work and personal life you need to accommodate a date. 

The great thing about balancing your dating life and not being unnecessarily available is that you’ll be able to be more objective about the men you’re talking to and dating. Keep working on that balance, as they say, “practice makes perfect!”

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Get A Free Consultation With Dee The Dating Coach!

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Image courtesy of Marcolm/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If you haven’t worked with a dating coach in the past, you may be wondering whether it’s really worth your time and money. Well, here’s your chance to see first hand, and for FREE, how a one-on-one session can help your dating, relationship, and love life. It’s time to take that step towards finding the right man and keeping him!

I’m offering this free promotion until September 30th to the first 25 people to contact me. Use the contact form below to get the ball rolling on your fabulous new dating life!

Go back

Your message has been sent

*Image courtesy of Marcolm/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dee’s Dating Diary Makes Top 100 Dating Experts!

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I’m excited to share that Dee’s Dating Diary came in at #40 on The SW Expert’s list of the top 100 dating experts to follow. With dating experts like Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker, and Paul C. Brunson on this list, I am truly honored to be recognized by The SW Experts.

Check out the full list of dating experts to follow here: 100 Dating Experts you MUST follow on Twitter

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

5 Tips For Better Dating Body Language

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Good body language is crucial in dating! And, you definitely need to know if you’re sending the wrong messages on dates with your body language. I wrote this article for Digital Romance and you can check it out here: 5 Tips For Better Dating Body Language.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

8 Tips For Keeping Your Office Romance Professional

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8 Tips For Keeping Your Office Romance Professional

Office romances can definitely get messy, but if you follow my 8 tips for keeping your office romance professional, you can have your cake and eat it too! This is the ultimate office romance survival guide! I wrote this article for the SW Experts and you can check it out here: 8 Tips For Keeping Your Office Romance Professional.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Testimonial: My Boyfriend Wasn’t Worth My Time

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Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Hey Dee,

I just want to thank you for being so helpful to me through this big mess of a situation. I didn’t exactly have anyone to talk to, so thank you so much for being there. I also wanted to make an update of how things are going because I feel it could be helpful information to other girls who have also experienced the unfortunate phenomenon of the disappearing boyfriend, and I have so much advice to them from my experience.

Being in the middle of a disappearing man act is really a confusing time full of feelings of rejection and neglect, but, the thing is, its like this only when you make it. If you look at it like you said, “Is this really a man you want to be in a relationship with?” It is so much easier to realize you actually have no loss. I realize in hindsight that he really wasn’t all that great and really didn’t treat me all that great either (obviously if he could abandon me, period). I see all the red flags I blindly ignored in the beginning of the relationship, and if I had listened it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

I’ve learned that you should never ever let a man jeopardize your happiness, and to never stay in a bad relationship. Losing someone who ultimately wasn’t worth my time has empowered me as a person, and as a woman. I have so much confidence in every aspect of my self, all because I know I’m worth it.

To the women who have experienced the disappearing man, you don’t and shouldn’t want them back because you deserve a man who wants to be consistently present in your life and you are indeed worth it!

As for me, I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been in my life because the man who wasn’t worth my time made it easy for me and left. I’m getting out there and meeting all sorts of people and cute guys, and experiencing all sorts of new things I couldn’t do with him. I’ve noticed how much I’ve missed out on in that relationship and wouldn’t for the life of me ever go back to it!

I hope my story can help other women in my situation. My advice to them would be to never let someone else’s treatment of you define your worth. And also to remember you have a choice in who you date, so drop them the second they mistreat you.

Thanks so much for your help Dee! Your advice has made me realize all this, and will help me out so much in my future relationships! Like you said “it’s not easy to see the rainbow when you’re in the storm,” I’m definitely seeing the rainbow now.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Related Post: 

Is Your Boyfriend Worth Your Time?

8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy

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 Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

For some women, the ideal man would want to spend as much time as possible with the woman he is dating. But, there’s a fine line between wanting to spend a lot of time together and just being flat out needy.

There are definitely red flags that show you a man is needy or clingy, but it’s up to you to take these red flags seriously. So, the next time you meet someone new, remember these 8 Signs That You’re Dating A Needy Guy:

1. He Calls You Several Times A Day

We all know that most men try to play it cool when they first meet a woman. They don’t get a number and immediately call it an hour later. They let the anticipation build a little, but the man who is perfectly fine with calling you several times a day after you just met is the man you need to stop seeing.

Couples that have been dating for a while talk to each other several times a day. But, there’s no reason for someone you haven’t even known for more than a few days or weeks to call you repeatedly throughout the day. And, if a man has nothing to really tell you, then why would he need to speak to you so often in the day? Because he’s needy and this is exactly who needs to be crossed off your potential match list! 

2. He Calls You Back to Back

If the guy you’re dating calls you back to back if you don’t pick up the phone, this is a huge red flag that you’re dating a needy guy. Unless there’s an emergency or you’re really close with someone, it’s not okay to blow up a person’s phone when they don’t answer it. When the guy you’re dating is comfortable enough to call you 3 or 4 times in a day with nothing important to tell you, he may eventually be comfortable enough to stalk you too!

 Image courtesy of Adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3. He Texts You All Day

If a guy you just met texts you all day, this is definitely a red flag. We all know how easy it is to let a text conversation drag on throughout the entire day, but when you’re dating someone new and have nothing of substance to say, it doesn’t make sense to text all day.

4. He Always Wants To Know What You’re Doing or Who You’re With

If you’re constantly being asked, “what are you doing” or “who are you with,” you probably need to steer clear of this guy altogether. Not only are these red flags that your guy is needy, but they are also red flags that your new guy may be jealous, insecure, controlling, or all of the above.

Also, there’s a difference between someone asking “what are you doing” in trying to make conversation and asking that question because they have to know the answer to it. It’s up to you as the woman to be able to decipher the difference. So, pay attention to how often you’re being asked who you are with or what you are doing AND the way it’s being asked. This way, you can avoid an unhealthy relationship early on!

 Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5. He Always Wants To Be With You

If you’ve been dating a guy for a very short period of time, but he already wants to spend every second of every day with you, be careful because this is a serious red flag! This particular type of needy guy wants to spend so much time with you that he’s willing to invite himself out with you and “the girls,” and that’s a big problem.

Wanting to spend all of your time with someone so early on comes from a place of insecurity, whether it’s being insecure about losing a woman to another man or being insecure that a woman may lose interest if you’re not always around. This behavior could also indicate a jealous or controlling nature. Being with a man that requires this much attention will wear you out and strain your budding romance.

6. He Makes You Feel Guilty For Not Being With Him

A new guy that wants to spend every second with you is a problem, but a new guy that makes you feel bad for doing things without him is even worse. It’s pretty immature for a man to try to make you feel bad or give you a guilt trip about going out without him. In relationships, both people need a little room to breathe and live.

If you allow a man to suffocate you and let his insecurity make you feel guilty for going out to catch up with your friends or family, then you’re enabling the development of an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. So, do yourself a favor and throw this fish back in the water.

 Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7. He Needs Constant Reassurance

A man that constantly needs reassurance that you like him and want to date him is not the kind of man you really want to date. Of course, men do wonder what level of feelings a woman may have for him, but it’s a totally different ballgame if he’s continuously seeking validation from you.

Being with a man that requires this much pacifying is draining and ultimately hurts the possibility of having a great, healthy relationship. Remember, just because a man is insecure doesn’t mean it’s your job to make him feel secure!

8. He Wants To Be Exclusive After A Few Dates

Any man who is ready to be in an exclusive relationship with you after only a few dates, is definitely a man you MUST take your time with. It’s never a good idea to jump head first into a relationship without taking the necessary time to get to know a man.

As much as you may have “clicked” with your date, slow it down and don’t let a man pressure you into starting a relationship before you’re ready!

Now that you’re equipped with some more great dating knowledge, it’s time to get out there and date!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

More Red Flags For Your Enjoyment:

Red Flag: He Suddenly Always Has To Work Late

5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

5 Red Flags Men Need To Watch For

Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

3 Ways Women Play The Victim When Dating

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Image courtesy of Sakhorn38 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Every woman wants a great relationship, but not every woman is willing to put in the necessary work to get there. Although dating can be tough, you can make it more difficult than it has to be. If you want to do better in dating, you’re going to have to get past these 3 Ways Women Play The Victim When Dating:

 1. Dating The Same Type of Men

Dating the same type of men and expecting different results is unrealistic. You set yourself up for failure by dating the same type of men if previous relationships with those kind of men have never worked out.

It’s all too easy to play the victim when you allow yourself to be hurt repetitively. Your friends will comfort you after you’ve been wronged or cheated on, but how many of your friends will tell you that you should have known these problems would come up because you knew the type of person this man was?

While friends want to be there for us after break ups and during fights in a relationship, friends can do you a disservice by not helping you see that you are enabling your own relationship and dating problems. Once you get out of the habit of picking the same kind of men to date, you’ll soon see that not every man will hurt you like your exes.  

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2. Saying That ALL Men Are Dogs 

If you believe that “all men are dogs” or “all men cheat” then what will you accept from men? Cheating and bad behavior, right? When you think this way, you’ll allow yourself to date “dogs” and cheaters. You’ll settle for the wrong man because you believe that a good man doesn’t exist. You believe all men will treat you badly.

But, the worst thing you can do is convince yourself that all men are bad. In doing this, you’ll prevent yourself from meeting a good man and having a great relationship. This type of thinking allows you to date an unworthy man without taking responsibility for making this dating choice in the first place.

 As a woman, you have to know that your dating life is in YOUR hands. Don’t just choose to date the first man that comes along just because he is there. Be scrutinizing, use your best judgment, and don’t date men that you know are going to hurt you!  

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3. Staying in Bad Relationships

When you know your relationship isn’t good for you, but you stay in it anyway, you’re basically setting yourself up to play the victim role. As much as you wish or pray, your relationship isn’t going to get better just because you want it to.

When you have serious problems in your relationship, those problems tend to play out in the relationship over and over. So, if you decide to stay in a bad relationship, you can’t act like a victim when those problems resurface.

We all know that saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!” So, if you’re going to stay in the wrong relationship, continue to date the same kind of men, or claim that all men are bad, you can’t act like a helpless victim when the obvious does happen.

Stop blaming men for your dating problems and take responsibility for the men you choose to date, then you’ll notice changes in the quality of your relationships.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve. 

Till Next Time,

Dee

Why Men Disappear Then Reappear – The Right to REAL Love Radio

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I guest starred on The Right to REAL Love Radio Show again and I’m so excited to share this episode with you! On this show, Jay Mayo and I discussed men who disappear from women’s lives and then reappear. From why men disappear and reappear to how woman should handle these situations, we cover it all!

This is definitely a topic you don’t want to miss! Listen to our discussion below and check out Jay Mayo’s page where he has some great extras for our listeners: The Right to REAL Love Radio Show: Why Men Disappear Then Reappear.

Enjoy,

Dee

P.S. Check out my first show on The Right to REAL Love Radio Show where host Jay Mayo and I dive into the topic Are You Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband?

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.