Check out this article I wrote for Digital Romance Inc. This is a read you definitely don’t want to miss! You can find my article Here.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
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Ideally, we all want to go out on a new date and make a great connection. We’d love to immediately “click” with the other person and hit it off!
But, not everyone is meant to make a connection that, ultimately, sparks a great relationship.
While you won’t always make a connection with new dates, there are things you can do to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date.
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The On-Hand Technology Dilemma
In this day and age, we have all become so attached to technology and our little gadgets that we often let it get in the way of fully living and enjoying the moment.
We are constantly checking our phone for texts, emails, or calls and it’s to the detriment of what we have going on in front of us.
It’s not possible to be 100% in the moment while your using or checking your phone.
And, you better believe that people can sense when you’re not “in the conversation” and this can limit the amount of effort that a person will make in trying to talk to you or connect with you.
So, with the compulsion we feel towards constantly utilizing our technology, how can we prevent this from interfering with our dates and every day life?
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Turn The Technology Off
In order to increase your chances of making a genuine connection on your dates, you need to turn your technology off!
Now, I do understand that going on a date with someone new can present questions of safety, which necessitates access to your phone in case of an emergency.
However, you can put your phone on vibrate and keep it in your pocket or purse if you won’t feel compelled to pull it out the second it vibrates.
If you can’t keep yourself from checking your phone when you feel it vibrate, then you need to completely turn it off on your date or keep it in your car.
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Make A Connection
It’s nearly impossible to make a connection with someone you don’t know when your face is buried in your phone.
It’s one thing if your expecting a really important phone call, in which case, you should let your date know that you’re expecting an important phone call so they won’t feel unimportant or ignored on the date.
Considering that it’s not always easy to make a connection with someone new, you have to know that regularly checking your phone will actually hurt the flow of conversation and take you “out of the moment.”
In remaining connected to the conversation, and thus, your date, you make it much easier to make a great connection.
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Conversation Is A Two-Way Street
Conversation on a date is not a one-way street. It takes the effort of both people.
If your focus is on your phone and who’s texting or emailing you, you won’t be putting in the requisite amount of effort you need in order to continue the fluidity of your conversation.
Therefore, if you want to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date, you need to turn your technology off!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
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You’re not necessarily supposed to be in a relationship for every year of your adult life. Yet, you’ll often find women who are envious of their friends with serial relationships.
You know the women I’m talking about, the ones who are never single for more than a few weeks at a time, the ones who jump from one relationship to the very next without even batting an eye. They’ve always had serial relationships.
But, these are not women to be jealous or envious of.
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How Many Relationships Should You Have?
If you’re wondering how many relationships you’re supposed to have, realize that there is no magic number that’s going to bring you any closer to your “Mr. Right.”
Your chances of meeting the right man and getting married is not dependent upon the number of relationships that you’ve had in your life.
At the end of the day, what’s truly important is your ability to learn from your past relationships in order to recognize and change those things that prevent you from attracting quality men and healthy relationships.
If you jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to think about the choices you made or bad behavior you accepted, you’ll continue to have bad relationship after bad relationship and you’ll face the same issues each time if not worse.
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Inhibiting Self-Awareness & Change
Some women won’t leave a bad relationship until there’s another man to latch onto and this isn’t healthy at all. In doing this, you avoid facing and addressing serious issues you have with yourself and your relationships.
Going from relationship to relationship, doesn’t give yourself enough time to heal, learn, and grow from that experience. But, why is this important?
It’s important because you’ll never learn the lessons you’re supposed to from your past relationships with men. It’s important because you’ll continue to choose the wrong kind of men and make the same mistakes over and over.
Serial relationships don’t enable you to do the deep soul-searching that needs to be done to figure out why you chose to date your ex, what mistakes you made, and what changes need to be made in your dating life.
Be accountable, be knowledgable of your actions and yourself, take the time to reflect on your relationship and heal before you look to getting into another one!
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Are You Envying A Healthy Relationship?
Some women are jealous of another woman’s serial relationships, not because those relationships are healthy or have a great dynamic, but simply because they just want a boyfriend too.
Most of the time, when women are envious of their friends with serial relationships, those relationships are usually unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be envied at all.
The truth is, you should never envy another person’s relationship. The old saying is certainly true, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.”
Unfortunately, many women are more than happy to put up fake fronts about how great their relationship is, even if she’s miserable in it.
Therefore, you should never get caught up wanting what someone else has. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors.
Don’t Entertain Self-Doubt
When you have a friend that easily finds her next relationship, it may make you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t able to do the same.
But, you aren’t inadequate or lacking in any way simply because you haven’t had as many relationships as your friends or because you’ve been single for awhile.
Don’t be jealous or envious of your friends that always have a man. Focus on growing as a person and taking much needed lessons from your past relationships and dealings with men so your next relationship will be a better and healthier one!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
For more great dating advice and must-read dating articles, Follow me on Twitter Here and on Facebook Here
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This week, I wanted to address a very common red flag that most younger women tend to overlook.
How many times have you had plans with a man just for him to be a “no call, no show?”
You made plans the day before or even days in advance, but when the time comes to see each other he’s not picking up his phone. And, he’s definitely not calling back.
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What Does “Falling Asleep” On You Mean?
If a man stands you up and tells you the next day that he “fell asleep,” trust me, HE’S LYING!
The harsh reality is that he’s not into you at all! Men don’t fall asleep when they have plans with a woman.
Most likely, he found something better to do, maybe with another woman, or he wasn’t even in the mood to talk to you or deal with you at all.
It’s sad that some men don’t even have enough respect for a woman to call her and cancel their plans. The truth is, he shouldn’t have made plans with you in the first place.
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This Won’t Be The Last Time
One thing that I can guarantee you though, if a man tells you that he fell asleep when you had plans, this won’t be the last time that he’s a “no call, no show.”
The only difference will be that each time he “disappears” on you like this, he’s excuses will get bigger and bigger.
It could go from “falling asleep” to “losing his phone” to “being sick in the hospital.”
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How Do You Handle It?
When the guy you had plans with doesn’t call you or return your call, either you start worrying about his well-being OR you get pissed!
Pissed that he’s standing you up. Pissed that he doesn’t have the decency to call or cancel the date. Pissed that he put you through this (and you got all cute and everything too)!
Now, some women in this position will call the man once or twice while others will blow up his phone all night and probably leave a few voicemails or texts cursing him out.
All of that is unnecessary though! When a man stands you up, the last thing you need to do is worry about his well-being, blow up his phone, or waste your energy cursing him out!
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Did You Push For The Date?
Interestingly enough though, women usually encounter these situations when they are the ones pursuing the man. Think about it.
If this has ever happened to you, were you the one that pushed the topic of getting together? Did he actually say he wanted to do something with you or did he just agree to your suggestion to meet?
It’s important not to chase men into relationships. You may get some attention from your efforts, but it may not be lasting.
Let a man go after you so that you don’t force yourself on someone that just isn’t that into you.
The next time a man “falls asleep” on you, drop him like a hot potato and never look back!!
For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve
Till Next Time,
Dee
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Many times when women are in a relationship, they put their boyfriends before themselves. They do what’s in their beaux’s best interest, but not their own.
Unless you’re engaged or married, you have to put yourself first!
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Lost Opportunities
In a relationship, you’re still two separate people with separate lives. While you try to be a part of each other’s lives, what’s in each person’s best interest may be very different.
For example, you may get a great job offer that could take your career to the next level.
However, because they job is in a different city or state, you may pass up on the opportunity in order to stay closer to your man.
While his best interest is for you to stay, your best interest is to leave and take the job. You’re best interest should take priority over his.
The truth is, you have to continue to pursue your dreams or what’s best for your career while you’re in a relationship. If you don’t, you’ll eventually regret these missed opportunities.
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Will He Move With You?
If a man loves you and feels strongly enough about you, he will follow you wherever you go. If he doesn’t, then he won’t.
Now, there is an exception to this rule. If his career has no mobility or there isn’t a demand for his expertise in the new city, then moving may mean career suicide for him.
Perhaps his career is client-based and moving would mean starting over or changing careers altogether. This is definitely something that also has to be taken into consideration.
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Stay True To Yourself
Unless there’s a ring on your finger, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to plan and live your life around a man.
It’s very important that you don’t lose sight of yourself while you’re in a relationship.
Always follow your dreams and do what’s in your best interest so that, at the end of the day, you won’t have to live with any regret over lost opportunities.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary
For more great dating advice and must-read articles, follow Dee’s Dating Diary on Facebook and Twitter!
Follow Me On Facebook Here: Dee’s Dating Diary
Follow Me On Twitter Here: @DeesDatingDiary
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There are some women who have a preference for dating older men while other women just “happen” into these relationships.
Majority of the time, women date older men that remind them of their fathers or who fulfill some fatherly role for them.
Although this happens more so with women who grew up without a father in their life, even women who did have a father growing up find themselves looking to an older man for certain qualities or support that a father would provide.
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Dating Older Men
The truth is, you shouldn’t be dating a man because he provides you with something you’re father never did or used to when he was alive.
Dating an older man can be tricky because sometimes you’ll find that older men play just as many games with your heart as younger men, except they’re much better at the game than any youngster out there!
Older men understand women much more and can easily use that to manipulate a younger woman’s mind and emotions.
You definitely need to understand whether your feelings for an older man are genuine or a by-product of missing or craving some fatherly like fulfillment in your life.
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“Aging Out”
When you date an older man you always have to worry about whether you’re going to “age out” of the relationship.
Meaning, you’ll constantly be stressing about whether you’re getting too old for your older man.He may just have a thing for younger women.
He may like the ease that comes with dating a younger, more naive person.
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Relationship Awareness
Just be cognizant of the reasons you and your older man want a relationship with each other.
Make sure it’s coming from a healthy place on BOTH sides!
Deal with your daddy issues and make sure you aren’t replacing your father with your boyfriend.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
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Many women feel they need a man to “complete” them. They’ll say a man is their “better half” or “he completes me.”
But, the truth is, a man can’t complete you. Only you can complete you! Two halves won’t actually make a whole, so you need to feel whole with or without a man.
It’s unfair to yourself to base your completeness and happiness on whether you’re in a relationship.
And, if you do, you’ll be miserable when you’re single and possibly desperate for any man who will show you attention.
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What’s The Root of the Issue?
To say that a man completes you, is to say that you have some void in your life without a man.
You have to be complete on your own before entering a relationship or this could cause other serious issues with your boyfriend.
Ultimately, dependency issues may be at the root of needing a man to “complete” you. Are you clingy or needy in your relationships?
You may find yourself not wanting to do any activities without your boyfriend. Or, maybe you don’t want him to do any activities without you.
Either way, falling victim to this “he completes me” mentality may lead you to becoming unhealthily dependent on your boyfriend and relationship.
It’s time to start evaluating yourself. You need to figure out why you think you need a man to complete you.
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Self-Actualization
If you say that a man completes you, then you’re incomplete when he’s gone. What are you when your “better half” leaves?
Why aren’t you a complete person without a man?
Honestly think about these questions so that you can help yourself come to terms with the fact that you’re an amazing woman who doesn’t need any person to complete you!
You are and always will be a whole person. You were born as a complete woman and to allow yourself to think otherwise is absurd.
A man is meant to complement who you are, NOT complete you! Remember that!!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
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I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.
There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.
For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.
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The Urge To Push
Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.
The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.
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Effect of Constantly “Nagging”
Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.
Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.
While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.
If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!
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Focus On One Issue
Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.
If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”
But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.
You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.
Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.
Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.
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Positive Reinforcement
After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.
Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.
Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.
You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.
Conclusion
Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.
So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.
You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee
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Unfortunately, many women who are hurt by men start feeling like they aren’t as pretty or smart as they really are.
Why is it that women tend to base their self-esteem and self-confidence on how men treat them or feel about them?
The hardships women face in dealing with men, frequently force women to rethink the way they feel about themselves and this isn’t right!!
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Dating Problems Are Just That
The problems you experience in dating are just that, dating problems and nothing more. These problems shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself and your beauty!
When men have problems in their relationships, do you think they start questioning their self-worth?
Or do you think they take those problems for what they are and not let them turn into other self-esteem issues?
When you have problems in your dating life, you definitely need to do some deep thinking about what went wrong and how you may have contributed to those problems.
But, the last thing you need to start thinking is, “Am I not pretty enough? Skinny enough? Entertaining enough?”
You can’t let a man make you feel badly about those fundamental things about yourself. You felt beautiful when you first started dating him, right? So, why should you not feel beautiful when you stop dating him?
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His Games Shouldn’t Affect Your Self-Worth
Just because a man has chosen to play games with your heart or lead you on, doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great woman! A man’s issues shouldn’t lead you to have more issues of your own.
Take responsibility for the problems you caused or enabled in your relationships, but NEVER EVER think that you are any less of the smart, beautiful, caring woman that you were when he met you.
Your self-confidence should never be a reflection of how men feel about you!
Even if he cheats on you, you can’t start convincing yourself that you aren’t pretty.
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Maintain Your Self-Esteem
Self-Esteem is just that, SELF–esteem. It’s YOU that determines it, not a man and certainly not the world.
You have to know your worth and maintain your self-confidence no matter what you go through with men.
Now, I know it’s much easier to say don’t let men’s bad behavior affect your self-esteem than actually living it.
But, the truth is, you’re giving men way too much control over your emotional well-being and self-esteem by letting them dictate your level of self-confidence.
No matter what you go through in this world, know your worth and NEVER FORGET IT!
For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.
Till Next Time,
Dee!
Dee's Dating Diary 