3 Ways Women Play The Victim When Dating

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Every woman wants a great relationship, but not every woman is willing to put in the necessary work to get there. Although dating can be tough, you can make it more difficult than it has to be. If you want to do better in dating, you’re going to have to get past these 3 Ways Women Play The Victim When Dating:

 1. Dating The Same Type of Men

Dating the same type of men and expecting different results is unrealistic. You set yourself up for failure by dating the same type of men if previous relationships with those kind of men have never worked out.

It’s all too easy to play the victim when you allow yourself to be hurt repetitively. Your friends will comfort you after you’ve been wronged or cheated on, but how many of your friends will tell you that you should have known these problems would come up because you knew the type of person this man was?

While friends want to be there for us after break ups and during fights in a relationship, friends can do you a disservice by not helping you see that you are enabling your own relationship and dating problems. Once you get out of the habit of picking the same kind of men to date, you’ll soon see that not every man will hurt you like your exes.  

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2. Saying That ALL Men Are Dogs 

If you believe that “all men are dogs” or “all men cheat” then what will you accept from men? Cheating and bad behavior, right? When you think this way, you’ll allow yourself to date “dogs” and cheaters. You’ll settle for the wrong man because you believe that a good man doesn’t exist. You believe all men will treat you badly.

But, the worst thing you can do is convince yourself that all men are bad. In doing this, you’ll prevent yourself from meeting a good man and having a great relationship. This type of thinking allows you to date an unworthy man without taking responsibility for making this dating choice in the first place.

 As a woman, you have to know that your dating life is in YOUR hands. Don’t just choose to date the first man that comes along just because he is there. Be scrutinizing, use your best judgment, and don’t date men that you know are going to hurt you!  

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3. Staying in Bad Relationships

When you know your relationship isn’t good for you, but you stay in it anyway, you’re basically setting yourself up to play the victim role. As much as you wish or pray, your relationship isn’t going to get better just because you want it to.

When you have serious problems in your relationship, those problems tend to play out in the relationship over and over. So, if you decide to stay in a bad relationship, you can’t act like a victim when those problems resurface.

We all know that saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!” So, if you’re going to stay in the wrong relationship, continue to date the same kind of men, or claim that all men are bad, you can’t act like a helpless victim when the obvious does happen.

Stop blaming men for your dating problems and take responsibility for the men you choose to date, then you’ll notice changes in the quality of your relationships.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Why Men Disappear Then Reappear – The Right to REAL Love Radio

I guest starred on The Right to REAL Love Radio Show again and I’m so excited to share this episode with you! On this show, Jay Mayo and I discussed men who disappear from women’s lives and then reappear. From why men disappear and reappear to how woman should handle these situations, we cover it all!

This is definitely a topic you don’t want to miss! Listen to our discussion below and check out Jay Mayo’s page where he has some great extras for our listeners: The Right to REAL Love Radio Show: Why Men Disappear Then Reappear.

Enjoy,

Dee

P.S. Check out my first show on The Right to REAL Love Radio Show where host Jay Mayo and I dive into the topic Are You Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband?

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

5 Ridiculous Reasons Men Give For Going MIA When Dating

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Almost every woman has at least one story about a man they were dating who didn’t return a call or text for an extended period of time. Some women have experienced a man going MIA for a day or two while others have seen men go MIA for weeks or months.

Regardless of the length of time a man is MIA though, the one thing they all have in common is that they make ridiculous excuses for their absences. There’s a ton of excuses men give in these situations, but here are 5 ridiculous reasons men give for going MIA when dating:

1.  “I Was Busy”

The “I was busy” excuse is definitely one of the most common reasons that men give for not being in contact with a woman. Yes, a lot of people have very busy lives, that’s true. But, the reality is, men make time for who they really want. It takes no more than a few seconds to send a text so there’s really no excuse for not responding to a person you’re dating for days or weeks.

Never let a man convince you that he is so busy that he can’t even take 10 seconds out of his day to reply to your text!

2. “I Lost My Phone”

“I lost my phone” or “I left my phone at a friend’s house” are also common excuses men use for being MIA. Think about this though, if you left your phone at your friend’s house, you certainly wouldn’t take more than a day to get it back if not just a few hours.

And, we are all so attached to our smartphones that if we did happen to lose it many of us wouldn’t go more than a day or two without replacing it. So, if you haven’t heard back from a man in a week or more, you definitely shouldn’t be entertaining the “I lost my phone” excuse.

But, let’s just say the guy you’re dating did really lose his phone. Well, there’s still so many different ways that a man can get in touch with you. You can send emails or use social media, like Facebook, to send messages.

There are plenty of options for getting in touch with a person so losing your phone is not a legitimate excuse for going MIA!

3. “I Never Got Your Call/Text”

Here’s an excuse some men use because it manipulates a woman into accepting a man’s bad behavior and allows him to escape responsibility for his actions, or lack thereof.

When a man tells you that he never got your call or text, he puts you in a position where you feel like you can’t be mad at him for not responding. You feel like you have to drop the issue and let it go. Because, technically, he didn’t have control over the situation since he didn’t get your call, voicemail, or text, right?

Wrong!! There’s one thing you need to remember, ladies. Even if a man claims that he didn’t get your call, text, or voicemail, there’s still no excuse for why he hasn’t reached out to you in days or weeks. If you’re dating a man and he is genuinely interested in you, he’s not going to go a week or more without talking to you or reaching out to you.

Know that a man who actually likes you will want to reach out and talk to you whether you call him first or not!

4. “I Had Meningitis” or “I Was In The Hospital”

Some men excuse their absences with reasons like, “I had meningitis” (or some other crazy illness) or “I was in the hospital.” If a man genuinely had an illness that incapacitated him for weeks or months, it’s definitely understandable that he may not have the strength or ability to talk to you frequently.

But, if a man really likes you, he isn’t going to get sick and not say a peep to you for weeks or months. You may be too weak or unable to talk, but you can definitely send a text or get a friend or family member to do it for you!

An ill man would still want the woman he cares about in his life!

5.  “I Did Text You Back”

Let’s get real, texts and voicemails aren’t getting lost in the digital stratosphere! As long as you are texting the correct phone number, the recipient is going to get it. Now, your text may not always go through immediately, but it’s definitely getting to it’s destination.

So, when a man you’re dating tells you that he did text you back or he left you a voicemail and you got absolutely nothing from him, know that this is a huge red flag!

I’d love to know, what’s the craziest excuses you’ve gotten for a man being MIA? Leave your comments below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Would Your Boyfriend Rather Spend The 4th of July With The Boys?

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The 4th of July is a great opportunity to spend quality time with your friends, family, and significant other. From barbecues to seafood boils, the 4th of July has a way of bringing people together.

If you’re in a relationship and not working on the 4th of July, you’re probably expecting to spend the holiday with your boyfriend. But, what if your boyfriend would rather spend the 4th of July with “the boys?”

If you live with your boyfriend or spend a lot of time with each other, you may want to catch up with your own family and friends over the holiday. And, it’s great to stay connected with your family and friends while you’re in a relationship.

But, if you don’t get to spend a lot of time with your boyfriend because of busy schedules, the holidays are the perfect opportunity to get that quality time in. So, if you don’t spend a lot of time with your boyfriend and he’d rather spend his free time over the holiday with his boys, then this is a red flag.

Don’t be afraid to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel. If you want to spend time with your boyfriend over the holiday, express this and if he still doesn’t want to spend time with you, then you may need to re-evaluate your relationship.

And, if you don’t spend the 4th of July with your boyfriend, definitely don’t mope around the house feeling sorry for yourself. Call up some friends, make plans, and go have some fun!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Happy 4th of July!

Till Next Time,

Dee

5 Reasons Why You Should Date When You Don’t Want To

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating can come with a lot of ups and downs. On some dates you don’t make a connection and on dates where you thought you made a great connection, nothing materializes from it. Dating is definitely not easy and many times it is a bit of a numbers game.

Unfortunately, you’re not going to start a great relationship from every date you go on, but you can’t get discouraged and give up on dating altogether. You have to keep putting yourself out there and trying even when you don’t want to. Why is that, you ask? Well, here are 5 reasons why you should date even when you don’t want to:

1. You Need To Know What Your Dating Flaws Are

Continuing to date when you don’t want to allows you to see what problems you might have in dating. Maybe you act a bit needy or come on too strong. Maybe you talk about the future too soon or dive into subjects you should avoid on first dates.

You have to continue dating to see what behaviors or things you are doing that are holding you back in your dating life.

2. Practice Makes Perfect

We all have things we need to work on in our dating lives and relationships, but if you don’t date you won’t be able to fix or correct those dating problems.

It takes practicing doing the right things to eliminate those bad behaviors. You can’t think that you’re going to stay out of the dating scene, meet the perfect man, and be able to act the way you should.

We all know that it’s hardest to play it right with a man that we’re really interested in. So, it’s going to take practice to get yourself to stop those bad habits that sabotage your dating life.

3. You Need To Keep Up With Dating Norms 

Just like there are social norms that we all live by, there are also dating norms that people follow. What a society’s dating norms are often change and when you avoid dating you keep yourself out of the information loop.

By not dating, you won’t know what dating norms or dating etiquette has changed. For example, today, it’s pretty common for men to send a “good morning” text now. However, some men send these texts to almost every woman in their phone. So, it’s going to take more than a simple good morning text for you to know whether a man is really thinking about you or interested in you.

But, if you never date and then meet a man who starts sending you good morning texts everyday, you may put more emphasis or importance on the fact that he sends you these texts instead of taking those morning texts with a grain of salt.

4. You Don’t Want To Be Rusty

This may come as a surprise, but you actually do get rusty when you haven’t dated for a while. Not only can your flirting skills get rusty, but you could forget the most important thing about going on dates, which is making a connection with your date and having a great time together!

Some women who avoid the dating scene for extended periods of time return to dating and treat their dates like interviews for prospective husbands. When you haven’t been actively dating, it’s easy to forget that you’re supposed to have fun on dates and not just size a man up for marriage.

5. You Give Yourself A Chance To Meet The Right Man

As much as we want to decide when we find a boyfriend and when we get married, you really never know when you’re going to meet the right man.

Know that when you avoid dating, you’re also avoiding the possibility of meeting a great man and having a great relationship. If you want to meet a great guy, if you want to have a great relationship, you actually have to date to find this person!

The truth is, women often complain about not having a boyfriend or meeting Mr. Right, but they don’t put any effort into meeting new men or they unnecessarily turn down dates with men that could be a good match.

Whatever it is that’s preventing you from dating, remember that you have to date even when you don’t want to!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Related Articles You’ll Like:

You Don’t Deserve a Good Man…Yet!!

Never Give Up Hope!

Do You Know Your Dating Flaws?

Stop Being The Victim!

6 Must Dos Before A Date

Image courtesy of StockImages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of StockImages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

First impressions are everything because they are lasting impressions. When you go out on dates you want to make sure that you’re always putting your best foot forward. So, follow these 5 must dos before a date:

1. No Fantasizing About Your Date

Women often fantasize about dating or being in a relationship with their new date. But, you should never do this before your first date because you ultimately create unrealistic expectations for you and your date.

Your first few dates are supposed to be about getting to know each other and seeing whether you can enjoy each other’s company. You set yourself up for some serious let downs when you fantasize about a new date.

So, don’t dwell on your date or your potential future with the man. Overthinking things can sometimes sabotage yourself.

Image courtesy of TungPhoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of TungPhoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 2. Don’t Facebook Him or Facebook Stalk Him

Don’t ask your date to be Facebook friends before you even go out on your first date. Not only should you not Facebook stalk your date, but it’s also too premature to become Facebook friends with someone you may never see again.

Despite what you have fantasized about your date, you don’t know what the future holds, so hold off on becoming Facebook friends.

If you’re already Facebook friends or your date’s profile is public, don’t start snooping on his Facebook page or liking any of his posts. While this behavior is definitely not healthy, you also don’t want to Facebook stalk your date because you could accidentally tell on yourself that you were snooping by bringing up some fact or information you shouldn’t have known.

Figure out whether you actually like your date by getting to know him instead of digging and prying into his social media life.

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3. De-Stress And Unwind 

You are at your best when you are calm and relaxed. People can sense stress and anxiety and the last thing you want to do is give off or transfer a lot of negative energy on to your date. So, read a book, exercise, catch up on your favorite shows, or call some friends to hang out and veg out!

If you have a hard time relaxing, go to a spa. Get a massage, get in the steam room or sauna. Do whatever you have to do to become that happy and fun woman that you really are, the woman a man can truly enjoy his time with.

But, if you’ve had a really bad day or week and you could easily take this frustration out on your date through your attitude, you may want to consider rescheduling your date for another day (See my post When You Should Cancel Your Date).

There’s nothing worse than being on a date with a woman who has a bad attitude. We all have bad days, but it should never be reflected on your dates!

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

4. Beautify Your Face

To get ready for your dates, you need to do your eyebrows and get rid of the hair on your upper lip, if necessary. If you get waxed, do it no less than 2 days before your date so there’s no remaining redness or puffiness on your face.

And, this is a great example of why you shouldn’t accept last minute dates (See my post No More Last Minute Dates!) because you need to have an adequate amount of time to prep and primp yourself before a date.

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5. Get Your Nails Done

When I say get your nails done, this includes both hands AND feet ladies! Try not to do any crazy creations with your nails on the first date. Keep your nails simple and classy.

You can show more creativity with your nails on future dates, but you have to know that there is such a thing as too much too soon (See my post One Thing That Kills A Potential Relationship is…). Let a man focus on your personality and not your nails on your first few dates.

And, it’s okay if you don’t get your nails done professionally, but if you’re not great at doing your nails then you need to find a good nail salon in your area. If you can do your own nails, at a minimum you need to trim, clean, and put some clear polish on.

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

6. Do Your Hair

You have to do your hair before your date, there’s no exceptions here ladies! You should look flawless on your dates and not like something the cat dragged in!

Whether you do your hair yourself or you get it done professionally, just make sure it looks great and adds to your beauty instead of taking away from it.

Now that you know what you need to do before your next dates, it’s time to get out there and date! Happy Dating Ladies!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Is Your Boyfriend Worth Your Time?

Dear Dee’s Dating Diary,

“I just read your article on men who pull the disappearing act. I am very familar with this, being my current boyfriend has done this more then I can count (12+). I know, I shouldn’t allow this, but It’s hard to explain. I want to be with him, we agree with some major issues, and he has qualities that are rare in a man. I also know it’s something he’s battling with.

On the other hand, it is extremely disrespectful to me to abandon me every time things get a little heavy. I need a man who will be by my side in hard times. Every time he does this, he comes back treating me better than ever, and I guess that’s why I’ve dealt with it for so long.

We have almost been dating for about 2 years now, and we are 3 year apart in age, I am older. We are also in our early 20’s. I just don’t know what to do. I know I deserve better, but I just can’t let him go. The cycle is everything is normal/or great, then he slowly starts taking me for granted, then things get heavy or he upsets me, then  he completely shuts down and I don’t hear from him for days/weeks, then repeat.

The longest he has gone without speaking to me was 2 weeks. I can’t imagine loving someone, then at the same time purposely ignoring them for an extended period. Doesn’t he genuinely  miss me in this time? Or Is he just using this time selfishly to do whatever he wants, and only comes back to me when he feels like it? I just don’t think I can deal with it anymore.

I know I deserve a man to actually WANT to be with me, and be with me through thick and thin. I mean, what happens if he does this and we are married or have children together? I’m sorry for the long message, it’s just nice to get someone else’s perspective and to just talk it out in general. Today marks a week since he ‘ran away from home’ (we live together)…”

Dear Dater,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been going through all this and I’m happy to lend you my ear and opinion. Although, it sounds like you already know what you need to do here.

You’ve been dealing with your boyfriend’s disappearing acts for 2 years now and it’s very apparent that this is a regular pattern in his behavior. It seems that your boyfriend’s disappearances may be a result of him trying to avoid issues or problems in the relationship, but this is absolutely not conducive to having a healthy and loving relationship.

While your boyfriend does come back into the picture and treats you better than ever, it’s only momentarily. One of the most important characteristics to look for in a man you date is consistency! I say this all the time, but consistency is truly key!

When a man is inconsistent it shows you that he is not who he portrays himself to really be and you can’t depend on him. Men can only fake it for so long so their inconsistencies or disappearing acts are your red flags that this person may not be the man you actually want. Sometimes, we get so caught up in trying to get or keep a boyfriend that we often don’t ask ourselves, “is this the type of man I want to be in a relationship with or spend the rest of my life with?”

At the end of the day, your relationship is best when your boyfriend returns from his disappearances, but your good feelings are always fleeting, it never lasts. You are only in your twenties and still have your whole life ahead of you. I know it’s not easy to see the rainbow when you’re in the storm, but there are men out there that will cherish you and wouldn’t dare risk the chance of losing you by pulling a disappearing act.

In fact, a man that truly loves you will never want to leave your life, whether it’s for a few days or a few weeks. A part of having a great, loving, and healthy relationship is knowing your worth and knowing what you do and don’t deserve. The second you realize that you are worth a man staying in your life is the second that you will stop tolerating bad behavior from men, i.e. the disappearing act.

So, I want you to ask yourself, is your boyfriend really the type of man you want to be in a relationship with? If not, then it’s time to move on honey! But, when you ask yourself this question, I need you to realistically look at your entire relationship. Don’t just reflect on the good times with your boyfriend, definitely consider the good and the bad. How does he make you feel? And, I don’t mean how he makes you feel when he is laying it on thick after treating you badly and ignoring your calls and texts for days.

When you make this decision, remember how you feel every time he leaves you and you’re not even sure where he is staying. Do you feel loved then?

You’ve definitely given this relationship your all, but has your boyfriend? How much time are you willing to spend in this relationship waiting for your boyfriend to be a better man? I know it’s never easy deciding whether to break up with a boyfriend, but focus on the right things and you’ll make the right decision for you.

I wish you all the best and never forget that you’re worth a man staying in your life!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Yours Truly,

Dee Simone

Related Posts You’ll Like:

Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

Wondering Why Men Come Back In Your Life?

Are You Downplaying His Negatives?

To Break Up Or Not To Break Up?

Ask Dee’s Dating Diary A Dating Question!